My husband has been begging me for back: Advice?

So… I posted a little over a month about my husband’s infidelity which has been basically going on for the 10 years we are together. But the most recent was he has a girlfriend for the last year of our marriage. We have since split…… but the man is crying at me everyday and begging for me back… also drinking himself to death. I try to be calm, cool and collective about this whole situation but me telling him I want to continue with divorce is tearing him apart. I don’t really know what to do in this situation. We both currently reside in our marital home, although he stays out a lot. Mostly because we both can’t afford separate places to live and I don’t have family here. We have kids together. Idk if this background helps. Thanks in advance for any advice!!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband has been begging me for back: Advice?

He is sad because he can’t have his cake and eat too. Do not feel sorry for him. He will find someone crazy enough to let him move in

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Don’t go back to him knowing he will cheat on you again. He wants his girlfriend and his wife. Can’t have it both ways dude. That’s a him issue.

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Don’t take him back and if he drinks himself to death that is not on you!

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Stay gone. He’s just sad he got caught and can’t have his fun

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That’s a NO. And you know this. He carried on cheating for TEN YEARS. This isn’t going to change

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Can you move back to where you are from? If so move. He’s not worth it! Hugs momma your doing a great job

Fuck him and fuck that. He wasn’t sad and tore apart when he had his gf. Know your worth queen!!

Stay with him, so he can cheat another 10 years, ah NO.

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Tell him to get out! Find a new place or move in with his girlfriend. Get a separation agreement on paper and March your butt to the courthouse. Move on sister.

He needs to move out, tell him to go move in with his girlfriend.
I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself :raised_hands:

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I would try to get out of that situation and not be involved with him anymore. Don’t feel bad for him, he made his bed and now he can lay in it.

Let him cry, he did it to himself. He had no remorse for the ten years he was actively cheating, and he doesn’t have it now. He’s crying bc you found out and separated, trying to guilt you into taking him back. Fuck him and his feelings. He didn’t care one bit about your feelings or dignity while he was out on you for a decade.

If you still want the divorce…move forward with the divorce. He cares now…but it’s too late. You deserve to move on and be happy. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t give him the opportunity to do it again. He made his bed…let him lay in it and roll in his misery!

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Lol fuc* him tho! His actions and health are no longer your concern

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You deserve better, he cries because he is wrong. Move forward with the divorce. Can you get your own place? For you and the kids? Leave him. Again, you deserve better.

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That’s a huge no ! … he’s crying because he’s caught … you deserve better … your more worthy than that

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He doesn’t deserve you. Find someone who loves you and won’t make you wonder if they are where they say they are.

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If he’s avoiding being home, out drinking, and not fixing anything… nothing has changed. Hold fast, mama.

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10 YEARS he cheated. Thats not an ooopsy daisy. Thats on purpose and hes upset hes left with nothing in the end. Leave him

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Time to get out.You and kids do not need this.
If has been going on this long will not change.
.

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Follow through with the divorce.
I went through a similar situation.
He wanted me back and said things would be different.
I can assure you things will not be different.

I have grown so much since my divorce. It was the best decision I could have ever made.
I now have found someone who loves me endlessly and shows me every day.

If your “husband” loved you he would not have put you in a position to doubt that.
He now has to live with the consequences.

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I mean if you wanna continue to be cheated on, go back

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Continue with divorce, he did this for a decade and thought Jack about you or ur feelings so let him drink himself to death

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Lol he needed to go, like yesteryear.

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I would not feel sorry for him. If he’s done it for 10 years he’s not gonna stop.also he’s had a girl friend for over a year he’s not gonna stop.hes mad he got caught.I would continue with the divorce.

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Of course he wants you back! You save him from having to commit to anyone else. He just says he already has a wife. Also you keep the house up.

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You need to find a way to get away from him before he brings you down with him. Move away if you have to. He doesn’t deserve you and he will not change. This isn’t something that happened once, he has been doing this for years. Demand he leaves and moves in with his girlfriend or you will be forced to take the kids and move to where you have family.

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10 years with an unfaithful man?
That’s so sad!
You deserve so much better, and he knows it. That’s why the tears are coming now….

Don’t trust words that don’t match actions! Anyone who could cheat on their spouse for ten years is a disgusting human being and doesn’t deserve a partnership with anyone.

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He will not change. They never do.

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Nope , after 10 years of cheating it won’t change. Let the next 10 years be better than the last 10.

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You both reside there at the home although he stays out a lot. So he’s whining and crying and drinking himself to death because he’s been cheating for 10 years All the while begging you back? Nah, It’s time to move on.

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He knows if you leave,he’ll be picking up cans to make a living and pay child support.It will happen again.You might be done but the kids will not be and their will be grandkids to share one day as well.The kids are the ones hurt in the end…

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He did it to himself. I would go through with the divorce.

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Out…he needs to get out

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People want what they can’t have… he wanted to now he had you but also could have his on the side. He wants you back now that he sees what he lost. Who knows what could happen if u took him back he could be faithful or he could just cheat and be more carful with it. You never know but they do say once a cheater always a cheater.
And him drinking him self away isn’t your problem. He was the one that went a fucked up a 10 year marriage not you!

You deserve better. He will not change. Focus on your kids and yourself. Enjoy every moment with them.

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He probably should of thought about the consequences before cheating on his wife. He doesn’t deserve you and you sure as hell don’t need/deserve him. You both will figure out how to make it and hopefully you can get child support and alimony.

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This all sounds like his problem he created and now he has to be a big boy and deal with the consequences :woman_shrugging:t2: don’t let him guilt you in the staying.

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If y’all have younger kids. Divorce equals child support. And if he can’t afford to move out now, he knows the child support will really kick his butt…

Crying is not the way to handle this . He needs to focus on what kinda of father he needs to be to see his / your child/children thu this . He needs to actually be the man he says he will be not cry abt it . He needs to change and become aware that he never be "back " with you however it still matters because he is a father .

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He’ll no get a divorce

Uhhh 10 years isn’t a mistake. He was living a double life. He’s not sad he did it, he’s sad you caught him. Stand your ground, the struggle apart is worth it.

You are not responsible for his happiness. Choices has consequences. You deserve better. He actively was outside your marriage. There’s no excuse for that! Quit letting him sabotage your ability to be happy by some simple hysterics. Hes manipulating you to continue doing what he’s currently doing. He did this. If he’s still staying out and not even coming home, that’s your sign that he’s gonna continue going outside the marriage any time he pleases. Stop the cycle. The best indicator of your future is current actions. Do you want this kind of example that’s set for your children? Put the house up for sale and sell it. Anything that is made from the sale gets split 50/50 in the divorce anyway. Then move back home where you have help and support. To hell with what he wants. He’s not sober nor is he thinking about anything other than himself. That’s what addicts do.

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but is this what you want? if you’re not happy, i’d stick with it.

Think clearly ! He’s cheated for 10 years. What makes you think he will change ? He is still the same person as he was before when you filed for the divorce. Guys like that don’t change. He is crying because he doesn’t know how to pay child support and pay for his own place and support his girlfriend. Don’t fall for this narcissist play he is putting on. If you cancel the divorce within a month everything will be as it was before. Don’t make that mistake.

Do not back peddle. Stick to your guns. If you take him back now after all that, you are showing him that you’re not strong enough to walk away and he will never respect you.

If he cared about being married to you he wouldn’t have cheated

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I lived this way before. It ends badly. Find a roommate. You need to not see each other daily it’s causing a toxic environment. It isn’t healthy. Find away for either of u to live some where else. Take it from some who lived it

Don’t go back. DONT.

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Can’t cry Wolf when you’ve been caught, he’d still be playing happy family if you didn’t out him on it

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You know I could see working on your marriage if it happened one time but for 10 years of your marriage I think not. You go ahead with your divorce girl. Find you a man with respect for women not a little boy who just wants his home back because you said enough was enough.

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He should have thought about that before. Can’t have your cake and eat it to buddy. He won’t change. He probably still has the girlfriend

Nope he hasn’t changed. Go through with the divorce and have him get his own place

Let him cry all he wants. Time to pay the piper! Get him out while you get a good lawyer

Let him go & move on with the divorce. If you’ve got no trust then you’ve got zilch!:heavy_heart_exclamation::smoking::eagle::paw_prints:

Most kids will tell you they’d rather come from a broken home than live in one… I’d say ditch him

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That never ends well.

He is only sorry because he got caught. Don’t fell for that.

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Stay strong! Don’t go back! You will feel a load lifted. Praying for you!

It seems like it’s all a guilt trip to try to get you back but if he has doing what you say then more then likely he isn’t going to change. Seems to me he wants his cake and eat it too.

DIVORCE HIM!!! A lot of nicer men out there willing to give you all the love you need.

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He’s a narcissist hoovering- Google it.
Have you been to therapy/counseling for your trauma?
Don’t get sucked back in, especially if he never took accountability.
Tread lightly… or like not at all!

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He never loved you. He’s upset because his actions had consequences. Love refuses to harm.

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Too bad so sad. You would be a huge fool to take him back.

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He needs to learn to be okay on his own. Then and only when he is able to say “I’m okay” should you consider taking him back.

Run before you waste anymore time! You’re saying he still stays out all the time then he obviously hasn’t changed his ways so why would he deserve another chance? He’s showing you nothing

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What do YOU want? If him back in your life is not it, then don’t take him back. Doesn’t sound worth it to me. You deserve happiness.

Men dont want to get kicked out of the nest That is all you hearing.
Continue with the divorce AND support settlment.
If he drinks himself to death
you get Social Security WIN WIN WIN.

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Stay strong !!! Continue with the divorce , one a cheater always a cheater

Keep the divorce going. He’s learned nothing. Wants his cake and eat it too. Someone needs to find another place. Let him move in with girl friend.

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10 years isn’t an accident 10 years isn’t a drunken mistake this was 100% intentional and it will 100% happen again if you stay you’ve already wasted so many years of your life on him move :clap: on :clap: quickly :wink: :+1:

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He needs to be in AA and maybe SAA and be clean and sober before you even consider taking him back. In the meantime you could use the support of a counselor yourself. Get help for yourself and your kids. BTW I’m a retired mental health therapist. I know what I’m talking about since I’ve seen this time and again. You have allowed yourself to become codependent and need help.

Once a cheater always a cheater

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Divorce. You’re changing the comfort of his life. You’ll find his actions will continue even without you in the picture. I’m speaking drop experience. Divorce him and make a happy life for yourself.

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Ask your family to help you and your children. Let him lay in his snot. He is not sorry. He is still with the ladies he has been with. Go to the womens shelter. They will help. Go from there. Don’t turn back.

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he made his bed. I’d be sure to kick him out of his “marital home” as well. And get your alimony and child support. Getting him out is important, so he can’t sit there like the narcissist he is and cry and beg and make promises he doesn’t have any intention of keeping. Seriously — you should know better than to even ask, he IS and WAS the creator of his destiny, and he chose his destiny when he chose to cheat over a 10 year period of time. The only reason he’s crying now is his side piece kicked him to the curb. He ain’t sorry - he’s sorry for himself. Leave him to it

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Get the hell out of there!! He’s been doing this to you for YEARS!! OH HELLLLLL NO!!

I’m really saddened by this post as I feel very strongly that your hubby is using you for stability x please don’t give in to his tears think about yourself just for onve and divorce him x best wishes x

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Stick with the divorce. He’s not good for you or the kids right now. Cheating and drinking himself to death? My advice is to leave asap.

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Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it, too. Meaning he isn’t committed to your marriage enough to have stopped seeing other women. If you don’t end things, he’s just going to continue his old ways, thinking he can. It sucks, but it’s the truth.

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Have you tried alanon?

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Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it, too. Meaning he isn’t committed to your marriage enough to have stopped seeing other women. If you don’t end things, he’s just going to continue his old ways, thinking he can. It sucks, but it’s the truth.

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What he does to himself is on him! You said he’s basically been cheating for 10 years, and now he has a conscience? He’s only sad because things are changing. He’s trying to control your actions by showing you heartbreak and emotion to make you feel guilty and stay. You seem to have been treated like a doormat or a second thought your whole marriage. Please think of yourself this time. Not good for you or your kids to be in that cycle of mental abuse. You and your kids are worth a new start.

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Don’t go back, cut him loose for good. They don’t change, he will cheat again because he’s gotten away with it for so long. Don’t give him the opportunity to hurt you anymore. You deserve better, demand better.

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He’s a narcissist. This is just part of the cycle of abuse.

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If this has been going on the whole time you’ve been together, I wouldn’t expect anything to change now. He’s just scared he’s losing someone who will put up with it.

Screw him. Don’t let him guilt you for his wrong doings. You need to focus on you and your baby’s. If he wants to do stupid stuff now then that’s on him not you.
Get your divorce. Move back to where you have support.

He had 10 years to change. He chose not to. Now you finally put your foot down he’s sorry? Nope! Sorry buddy it’s too late! Don’t feel sorry for him. He’s only sorry because you won’t tolerate it anymore.

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Ask for an open marriage

HES TRYING TO WIN YOU BACK OUT OF PITY

NOT BY POSITIVE CHANGES

Think about that.

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Tell that motherfucka to go stay with his girlfriend

No girl don’t allow that any longer. Go through with the divorce

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He didnt cry the first 10yrs while he was doing it. Just remember what he put u through and what advice when u give your children if in this situation? Hugs 2 u mama. U deserve better❤

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Maybe he should have considered that the past 10 yrs… he dug this hole. Not you. Follow through with your decision.

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Why are YOU feeling bad? You are literally the victim. He made his bed. A bed you no longer want to sleep in because you have self respect. Hes begging for you back because he currently has no other side bitch. Don’t even entertain his sob fest, block his calls completely. He didn’t change his bahiour for the past 10 years, you really think he’s going to suddenly change now? Fat chance. Get rid! Don’t let him continue making you look stupid out here. That’s messed up to keep doing to yourself.

He made his bed, let him lay in it alone with his bottle. His choices have nothing to do with you. You don’t need to save this man, make him save himself, you owe him nothing, but he owes you A LOT.

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He should have treated you better. Leave him and be happy and free.

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He’s laying in a bed of his own making and he doesn’t like it :woman_shrugging:t2: if you take him back he’s going to view it as a green light to continue his horrible behavior

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