My husband has been begging me for back: Advice?

NOOOOOOOOO …. Move forward … a leopard doesn’t change its spots !!!

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Too bad. He needs to move out and you need to go through with the divorce.

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He is manipulating you. He will no longer be able to come home to you after he has done his BS. Leave his ass. Let him suffer. He’s only sad because he can’t have his cake and eat it too.

He isn’t sorry. He is just sorry that he was caught. Had you not found out they would still be having an affair. He WILL do it again, like you’ve said he has done this basically your entire marriage.
Find someone who deserves you.

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No! Coming from someone who just dealt with lies and verbal abuse leading into physical abuse, they’ll tell you ANYTHING they know you want to hear to get you back. It’ll be amazing for a few weeks and then bam! It’s going to happen again and probably even worse.

What if next time girl gets pregnant?

Or it’s a married woman and someone tries to k!ll him?

Seriously. Stand your ground and find better.

After ten years of cheating he’s not likely to change. It’s better to make a clean start. Someday you may meet your real soul mate.

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Unfaithful for 10years??! And you stayed?!

Don’t let him guilt trip you into ignoring your morals & personal needs. His feelings about the consequences of HIS OWN actions, are not your responsibility.

Do not tell me you are feeling bad for a man that for 10 years cheated and didn’t care about your feelings? Don’t fall for the pity party.

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Don’t go back. You know you deserve better

Get in your feet as fast as you can first come grief and begging second he will become cold and evil towards you and do everything he can to break you !! Get out !! Get ready !! Been their

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Tell him to take a hike and forget his way back been through some shit in my life and there’s one thing I can promise you is once a cheater always a cheater.i learned the hard way.find you someone who injoy being with and can trust and someone who respects you and wants to be with just you.you heard the song WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN?listen to it that’s the kind of man you want nothing more.

He’ll probably change if you stay…. For a little while. Maybe 6 months or a year at best, then once he’s emotionally comfortable again he’ll slip back into his old ruts.
Leave for yourself.

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Forget him. That’s a long time to spend with somebody for them to have an entire relationship with somebody else. Fuck him. You don’t want your children to see you allowing that type of behavior. Move on. Find hobbies that make you happy, find yourself again.

He’s been cheating the whole time you’ve been together…
He’s been cheating the whole time you’ve been together…
HE’S BEEN CHEATING THE WHOLE TIME YOU’VE BEEN TOGETHER…

WHY TF IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?!

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Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Crying and drinking are not reasons to stay with someone who has never respected you. Give him information for therapists and AA meetings. Not your job to take care of him or stay with someone who cannot be a real partner.

Nope it’s all about control and manipulation. It’s literally a game to him. He knew what would happen and still chose to take those actions. He’s just mad he got caught. How long would it have gone on had you not found out.

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Stay strong. Drinking himself to death is self inflicted. He can stop if he wants to. He is sorry for himself because he thought he could continue to get away with his disrespect and disloyalty and total lack of commitment to to the marriage and family. Hold firm, respectfully as you have been doing. Divorce and maintenance. Find peace & happiness for yourself. And get checked for STD’s. He may have given you more than you bargained for. They can lie dormant for years. Best of luck and happiness.:bouquet:

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You are not responsible for his well being. He brought this upon himself and is now manipulating you.

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You need to look after you and decide for you.

Him wrecking his life is his choice. He is an adult. By crying wolf to you is just trying to manipulate and guilt trip you into taking him back.

Change your number and any other way he can contact you. Move address if you can. Do not contact him go through your lawyer and let them handle him.

Get out somehow.Do you have family you might go with.Don’t let his behavior alter your decision!

He will tell you anything you want/ need to hear to get you back. It’s all lies. He doesn’t care about you at all. Was he crying while he was out cheating on you? Did he care about you then? Nope, so, let him drink and cry and let him be unfaithful to someone else.

End it NOW.!!!

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Listen, he didn’t consider you at all and how much it would tear you apart for him to have an affair for a whole year. He knew what he was doing. Don’t feel bad for doing what he deserves.

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Don’t let him manipulate you into staying. He did this to himself. He didn’t care about you all these years when he was with other people. He only cares now that he got caught and you won’t put up with it. Don’t feel bad for him, he has no one to blame but himself.

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You do not have the responsibility to take care of anyone but yourself & your children. He is trying to gaslight you. We’re all proud of you & he strides you’ve taken. Stick with it! Narcissists often threaten self harm (drinking in this case) to manipulate their victims into returning. Unfortunately if they run themselves into the ground, that’s on them, NOT YOU.

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He wasn’t worried about the tears you shed or how you might have chosen to deal with the sorrow he caused. Tell him to kick rocks and have a nice day!

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He made his bed by cheating, Nothing will change by taking him back, He is just playing with your emotions. You need to start a new life because if he truly loved you he wouldn’t have cheated on you in the first place.

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He has a current gf, yet is begging you to not divorce?! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: GIRL… did I REALLY just read that right…

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Let him keep crying, he wasn’t crying when he was cheating :thinking::wink:

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You are better by yourself don’t go back cause you feel sorry for him he made his choice let him go

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He cheated and lied for 10 YEARS. That’s all you really need to concentrate on. I understand you have children, is that how you want their relationships to be when they find someone? Do you want your son’s acting like him? Do you want your daughter crying nightly wondering wth she did wrong she’s un loveable? We can tell them whatever we want. They do what they see.

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Don’t do it. My x had the same problem. His side chick even called me to take him back. I told her NO, you want him now you suffer.

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My ex tried that too and when that didn’t work then came his angry works. Start saving every penny you can to get yourself out! He knew what he was doing the entire time and had no shame. Don’t allow him to take away any more from you.

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If this was happening to your child, what would you tell them?

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How do you cheat on your wife for over a decade and have no remorse? There are some deep rooted issues he needs to work through. Go through with the divorce.

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He didn’t care to tear you apart :woman_shrugging:t3: so you should not care. He’s only crying bc he got caught

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Keep the divorce going! He will say anything to get back.

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Cheating for 10 years. So all of that broken heart you’ve gone through he is not getting back… 10 years worth. He’ll be fine.

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He will cheat again!! And again!! And again! Dump him! Get your divorce and let him see how good single looks on you!!

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Why areyou still there ?

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Unless the conversation is about one of your children or a bill for the marital home, don’t speak to him. He’s trying to guilt you into taking him back, but in truth, you didn’t do this to him, he did this to himself and is only sorry because he got caught.

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Do whatever you can to move out & stick with the divorce. It will not change

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Let him cry until his head hurt Sis…he will not change! You deserve better!

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I would not go back! I’d continue with the divorce

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Girl. Know your worth. Stop wasting your time- let it go!

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You are so much better than that. Move out, move on forget him

He’s only crying because the grass isn’t greener on the other side and he completely fu*ked up and now feels bad. Didn’t feel bad whilst cheating on you….divorce him it will only happen again :rage:

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As for me. I’m not ok with this situation.

Don’t go back and don’t pay attention to his tears… keep going with the divorce. Don’t look back.

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10 years is a bit too long for him to be freaking out right now. Leave or he will do it again. And a girlfriend for a year ? ? Fuck him

He’s trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him. He hasnt honoured your vowels for 10 years. He needs to move out so you can start over.

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You are not responsible for what he chooses to do

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He literally brought this on himself :expressionless: So why is he crying about losing you. Absolutely don’t take him back. Nothing will change.

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If he truly loved you he wouldn’t have done what he did. Don’t go backwards. Keep moving forward. There are consequences for your actions.

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He’s crying for you now but once he gets you back, it’ll be the same issues. Continue w your plan.

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Time to actually separate and move on. He can’t have other women and still be married to you. You gave him 10 years and he didn’t change. Tell him to get treatment for his drinking. You don’t deserve this.

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If you feel in your heart that it’s ok for him to have a girl friend and you want him back you have your answer. If not you still have your answer.

They will say anything to try to talk you out of divorce. I know. I fell for it. Wasted 4 more years.

Trying to stay in same house also doesn’t work. I know. My ex requested we both stay (in preliminary hearing). I argued it was impossible conditions for the kids. Judge ordered him to leave and stipulated what he was allowed to take. I stupidly went to work the day he moved out. He took lots of things he was not suppose to. I did not get most back.

Don’t stay together for the kids. Separate happier parents are much better than submitting them to a loveless, bitter fighting marriage. Good luck.

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Keep strong and keep it moving. He’ll do this until you cave then you’ll be in the same boat your trying to get away from. Manipulation at its finest. He messed up not you. Living together isn’t helping that’s for sure. None of what he does is your fault. It’s a choice he is making like the many to cheat on you. He wasn’t crying then…

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Don’t go back. He didn’t care the whole time he cheated. Girl no.

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Lay down until the feeling goes away🤦🏼‍♀️

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You are being naive and he is just telling you what you want to hear to get you back. He doesn’t want you, he just doesn’t want to be without you. Stay strong. You deserve better. But even more so, YOUR KIDS DESERVE BETTER! If you can’t be strong for yourself… Be strong for them!!

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He does not love you or respect you, if he did …he would not of wasted 10 years of your life. Leave him, let him cry for the next 10 years of his life.

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I feel when we give others choices it’s our intent. If they don’t know right from wrong . It’s on them. But if we just say this is what I would do in your situation then they can make their own intent

He made his bed. He chose to cheat. He doesn’t deserve you. He needs to get himself some help. You deserve better.

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Cheating for 10 years is not a mistake that can be forgiven. I would keep strong and look straight ahead. You deserve way better and he is not capable of giving it to you. He’s feeling the loss now because he knows how badly he fucked up. But that’s not your problem anymore. Carry on and find yourself with this new freedom.

He made his bed when he decided to cheat on you… let him sleep in it… not your problem anymore …

Kick his arse to the curb. Continue with that divorce.

So he’s out partying and staying out all night while you’re home with the kiddos and keeping your life together? Oh hunny…. He’s not crying because he’s upset.

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That crying ass man has had 10 years to figure out what in the hell he wants… And unfortunately for him, he chose incorrectly. You deserve better… Move on and do not have any guilt about doing it. You don’t owe him anything.

It’s a manipulation tactic and a way for him to shift his guilt onto you in a way. Once he gets away with it once he’ll continue to do it. I wouldn’t take him back. You deserve better than someone that couldn’t be faithful to you at all throughout your marriage.

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You really need to stand your ground. You also need to figure a way to separate completely into 2 different homes.

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Wasn’t thinking about that every time he put his :eggplant: in another women. Think about that hun. Every time he pulls the :sob:, remember and tell him so. You need to move back with family if possible, but definitely gtfo or he needs to so you can MOVE ON. Tbh I couldn’t stand looking at him everyday. Good luck

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Don’t give him another chance…he wasn’t crying nor caring about you or yalls kids when he was fking other women.

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Your his security blanket…Don’t stay it won’t change…

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Don’t fall for it. Read your post as though it was a stranger posting it. He wouldn’t be drinking himself under the table and staying away - at his girlfriends? - if he wanted to work things out. You will make it without him. You have been already

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He’s not home a lot because HE’S WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND :woman_facepalming:t5: it’s been your WHOLE marriage so if you’re not gonna leave… CHEAT BACK sis​:joy::woman_shrugging:t5:

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He’s not going to stop cheating if he’s been unfaithful for ten years. So, do you want an open marriage? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

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Alanon meetings will help. And don’t take him back, nothing will change.

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Absolutely not! He is just looking for comfort and stability. If you take him back he is going to do worse to you because he thinks he owns you.

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Tell him to move in with his year long girlfriend .

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Oh well…he should have thought about that when he couldn’t keep it in his pants. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. Sorry girl. I’m recently divorced after 27yrs because mine couldn’t keep it in there pants

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He still has a gf it must not be killing him that bad

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Do not take him back /set Crystal Clear boundaries-kids ? Co -Parent
If not start saving & get out ASAP /
*chk marketplace/roommate situations /
friends at work ect. (Extra rooms )
Best Wishes, u deserve better !!!
A decade + of cheating -horrible !!!

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I’m So Very Very Sorry

That I Got Caught

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He’ll never stop. Keep filing, get yourself set up financially n bounce. Spousal support is a thing btw. N you are entitled to it.

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He wasn’t crying for you when he was sticking his :eggplant: somewhere else, so why cry now? And for a whole year he had a gf?? Nope​:-1:!!! Keep following through with your initial decision

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I don’t even have to read past the 1st line, Run, honestly and stay gone no matter what.

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Nope. That ship has sailed. DO NOT take him back.

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DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR CHOOSING YOU. He wasn’t upset when he invested time and attention into another woman he doesn’t deserve even the slightest amount of sympathy from you.

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Nobody can tell you what to do in your situation- Just remember you allow the behavior by allowing it to come back.

Run like hell Don’t look back …True love Don’t cheat

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Sounds like consequences to me.:woman_shrugging:

Stick to your guns. He is only sorry he got caught. He won’t stop. Maybe suggest to him to start seeing a therapist and go to AA. I would also suggest you begin speaking with a therapist as well to help you keep your head straight. Remember He never once cared about the hurt he was causing and potential health hazards he was opening you up to. Don’t feel bad for him and take him back out of pity. It will only put you right back where you were before you asked for that divorce.

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You’re nuts if you believe this Narcissist is being truthful and authentic with you. Clearly sharing the marital home is not a good idea. It creates false hope with your children and continues to provide direct contact on a daily basis between the 2 of you. He’s got to move out. Let him go live with the current “girlfriend” he managed to lie to you about for over a year. His drinking and faux regrets are NOT your problem anymore. Make a clean break.

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Oh no… You need to move out of that house and leave him. He will never stop cheating. Your whole relationship was a lie and he made a fool out of you. Don’t play the clown anymore …

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Let him cry and drink and torture himself. He earned it.

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Ditch that guy! Screwed around for 10 years?!?!?! No respect. Can’t come back from that.

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There’s no reason why he can’t afford to move out…That girl he was with can take his sorry a** in… If he had no problem destroying a family for her that’s the least she can do. But he got caught so the cheating isn’t as fun anymore…so he’s going to keep begging. You will never forgive him. You will tell yourself that you will and that you can but every time you look at him you will be disgusted. You will get angry. And in the end you have children to raise and don’t need to put up with that.