My husband has been mean to me since I lost weight: Advice?

My husband is so jealous. I recently had a gastric sleeve. I was never fat before kids, but after our twins, I was huge, so I had surgery recently, and I’ve lost over 100 lbs. I’m taking better care of myself, dressing cute, and doing my hair and makeup. I’m finally happier. But he is acting crazy. We’ve had so many issues because he’s mean and hateful. He used to say mean things about my weight and just about me in general. I’m the only one who works, and he leaves me all the work at our house. I want to leave him, but I’m so scared because childcare is so expensive. Does anyone know how to get through this? I feel so alone. I don’t have anyone to help me with my kids. What would you do?

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hi momma im sorry you’re going through this. if you dont have any family to fall back on, i would suck it up (i know its easier said than done) &save save save as much as you can and once you have enough for a deposit/rent for an apartment leave him. your state should offer help to single moms

Check with your local food stamp office and see if they have childcare assistance… that helped me the most when I left unhealthy comfort zone with 6 bqbies… praying for you

Well if you live in Oklahoma we could be roommates. I have dealt with the exact same situation for years. I work from home and take care of my 6 year old. I recently decided to move but trying to find a place in this market is crazy. Plus most people tell me it’s too much for a single female. Whatever that means! Good luck and prayers for you and your family.

There are government programs that can help you with childcare, look into them and see what would work for you, then file for a divorce ebcause your kids will grow up thinking that what he is doing is okay when you know it isnt

I left with literally no plan moved in with family and picked up there when my mom left her abuser she moved us into a shelter for abused women who helped us find daycare and a place to live far away from him there’s options love please don’t think he has any control over you you can do this its gonna be hard and stressful and you’re gonna spend nights awake crying and asking for answers but I promise you no matter how hard the road gets or lonely you’re not alone we all walk alongside you and your babies will see that which its much better to see momma stressed but carrying on to make ot work then abused my words are kinda blunt and I apologize but I’ve been there I’ve dine it myself and I’ve been the kid in that situation staying gets no where and will never get anywhere you can do this I promise!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband has been mean to me since I lost weight: Advice?

Definitely leave his ass🤷‍♀️

I am now DIVORCED because I had Bariatric surgery!!! Beat 300# I ever lost!!! You can do it!!!

Do what you need to for yourself! Don’t let him bring you down!

From a guy’s perspective is not being mean or he is being mean probably but he’s worried about losing you because you’re really good looking again she lost weight and got missing that she’s got a major league insecurity problem he figures now that you lost this way he hasn’t been paying attention to you cuz she did gain weight today’s cake makes you gain weight I sure as hell ain’t any better looking than when I was a lot younger soon and talk to him I’m real sure he’s got insecurity problems he’s afraid of losing you he’s afraid you’re going to go with somebody else because he hasn’t I guess been paying attention to getting into too much of a routine my wife just died he was 61 I couldn’t get my hands offer she was in the spring chicken but I love her your husband’s got an insecurity problem and I’m pretty damn sure I’m right Jimbo

Please just leave. Childcare is definitely no reason to stay with someone. Look into childcare subsidies.

Also if you dont leave your teaching your child its okay to be treated that way/treat people that wat

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Well, if you want the chances to go up that their relationships will be like yours, by all means stay. You can find good child care! Start now!

he obviously has low self esteem about his self what’s his height an weight an his age he seems to have a immature thought process have u tried marriage Counseling

I say confront him, give him the chance to use resources to address his obvious mental health issue and if he refuses through denial he himself has an issue then give him the boot. There are many custody agreements that entail pretty much 50/50 and no one parent paying for full childcare if at all.

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If he can’t be happy with you for your accomplishments than he doesn’t deserve to be with you…he should be your biggest fan…I’m sorry that you’re going through this…side note.,Congratulations girl…so proud & happy for you♥️

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Sounds like he’s feeling insecure. Have u tried talking with him about this?

or leave mental abuse is the worse then later he will want sex smh go figure

Been through that. If some one even mentioned I looked like I lost weight hell began. I was sole provider of my family also. There is help now with child care. Leave because it won’t get any better.

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Get every assistant you can now while he’s their “baby sitting” . Once everything kicks in kick him out! If he isn’t trying to help do more than he’s not goin to. Their is no changing it. An nothing you can do to change it either! it’s their or it’s not. He needs to grow up an you don’t have time to playing mommy to him as well as your own babies. If you stay your making it ok for his actions and you will resent him even more in the long run! If you leave you give your self time to heal an him to grow so maybe one day he might be a mature man.

You need to do what’s best for you and your children. 100% if that means leaving then do it. As far as child care goes apply for state assistance.

Try counseling. Sounds like he may be insecure and he’s lashing out . It’s not ok but if you love this guy you should try and work it out and then if it doesn’t help get a divorce.

Life is too short to be miserable! Hell hopefully have to get a job once he leaves… that’s one less person to support it adds up… choice yourself and your kids you don’t deserve that. No one does!!!

Don’t stay because you need a babysitter.

The Boys and Girls Club is cheap AF.

Insecure because you’re the one working & you’re starting to look good. Why are you allowing him to be mean to you?

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There is lots of help out there. Home day care is cheaper look into it. Women’s refuges will help also but you need to leave. If he can’t handle you at your worst and definitely can’t handle you at your best then why are you letting him handle you at all? Clear the way for some one to love and respect you the way you deserve xxx

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Make a plan to leave if he doesn’t change his immature toxic behavior. But make a plan and stick to it. This is emotional abuse .

You can separate and he can still watch the kids while you’re working, if he doesn’t work.

Don’t deserve you an as for daycare/kinder I’m a single mum of two I managed by myself it’s amazing what we do for our kids you can get child care subsidies

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If he is that abusive time to leave. There is help out there.

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Research your childcare options. There are affordable ones out there and there are subsidy programs out there to help single moms.

He is so jealous of you and so insecure.
To be mean and hateful to you,the mother of his kids…he sounds like a real assshole.It sucks when you “feel” all alone like your feeling,but think of how things will get a lot better if you leave him.He doesn’t work, he doesn’t help you…and now since you’ve gotten yourself in good shape,had some surgery,looking really good he is mean…You don’t want
To be stuck with someone like that for the rest of your life.I know I would rather be alll alone. If your worried about childcare,without him you can apply for some state benefits and get help immediately with that for now. Good luck

His jealousy is rooted deep in his own insecurities. I see a lot of people treat their partner(s) like this when the other is upgrading themselves. Don’t ever feel bad about loving you.

If he was just lazy and jealous(of you after surgery) I’d urge you to have a lengthy discussion about what he’s battling with. Men go through :poop: too. However, he seems just gross all around. A straight up jerk.

If you wanna leave, leave. But don’t stay bc you need a “babysitter”.

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You are setting the example for your kids do you want them to think that is normal talk to him try but if he don’t change then end the relationship

Check with your county to see if they offer any financial assistance programs for daycare.

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Leave the abuser. There is all kinds of assistance out there. Your kids dont need to see the abuse and then think its okay.

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This is exactly what he was afraid of! Well he should know how to respect you and adore you! He has absolutely no respect for you and he thinks he can bully you! Show him the door! You can get assistance in child care! Idoit

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Leave this idiot now

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Girl F him. He’s clearly insanely insecure! U need to be ur BEST YOU! he was clearly happier when u were miserable… look at it that way!!! put him on child support and tell him to gtfo

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Oh my goodness. Her weight loss changed the dynamics of the relationship. Get counseling.

Don’t let anyone or any man treat you bad. Leave that man girl !

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Maybe he thinks you’re doing it for someone else? But that is no reason to treat you poorly you deserve better!

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Leave, he will have to get a job and start helping pay for the kids. Go to court and have them put in that you guys split the child care costs.

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Be proud of yourself, keep taking care of you!

That’s so sad… :disappointed_relieved:
I had the full blown surgery YEARS ago. I was cut up and it was hell. I was very sick for years, in & out of the hospital and I was left with lifelong health issues. My body just had a bad reaction.
Would I do it again? YES!!! :100:
I needed it. I tried everything.
My husband was with me at my heaviest and thinnest. But I wouldn’t get married till my dress size was a single digit. And I did just that. :blush:
I suggest marriage counseling or you gotta go. That abuse could very easily cause you to regain the weight.
Not everyone keeps it off. Not at all. It’s not an easy permanent fix. As you know, you still have to work at it and be healthier.
I’m grateful. I mean I go up a few pounds here (that’s usually when I’m having health issues and on meds) and then back down, but NOTHING like pre surgery.
Your mental health has a lot to do with eating disorders and or weight issues.
And, he may be jealous. He may not want you to feel good about yourself. He may fear you’re looking amazing and others are now attracted to you. He doesn’t trust you. My money is on that.
Ask yourself, is that love?
No my Dear, it’s not. You already know that.
Good luck. And congrats on the weight loss. :raised_hands: Awesome job!!! Now take the next step and have only healthy relationships, not just a healthy body.
P.S. I know how great it feels to love a “new you”!! Enjoy the shopping. :dress:

There are programs that help. Look up child care scholarship in your area. Best beginnings scholarship maybe…

Ditch his ass nobody needs to put up with that bullshit… DIVORCE HIM

His own self confidence seems almost nonexistent… that’s not your problem. That’s his own shit to work out. Let him do just that by himself.

Leave… there are programs out there to help you! You don’t have to put up with this.

Leave him and go for child support…that should be enough for childcare. He sounds like a jealous douche and you deserve better and so do your kids!

You leave …kids learn from example and the example you are setting is it’s ok to call people names and put them down …or if your boy/ girlfriend spouse is calling you names and putting you down it’s ok …put signs up in headstart ,preschools ECT looking for childcare lots of stay home moms would love a chance to earn some extra money .take him to court for child support because once you are gone he us going to have to get a job …there is also other resources out there you should check into

Leave… emotional abuse sometimes hurts worse than a fist…

I would make an appointment with your states cps and just let them know your issue with the childcare , you might be able to qualify for some assistance. Other than that you could look into some at home child care centers they’re cheaper than the centers some times. So sorry you’re going through this though. Keep your head up

LEAVE you will make it happen without him. Might be harder but it’s better than being with someone who seems like they’re just using you! Run !

Throw his ass out, you deserve to be happy! Everything will work out. There were times my son and I ate ramon noodles for weeks bc we didn’t have much money but we made it work. I refused to be unhappy, you should do the same!!! :heart:

Day cares cheaper than
Supporting his ass

You find a way to make it work on your own with the kids. No woman deserves to be treated this way. Jealousy is a curse and will ruin your relationship in the end. His loss. Not yours xo

Call your local child care facility and ask about assistance.

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If you want to put up with that, stay. If you don’t, then put a stop to it or leave. Ain’t no talking to a person like that. He has self esteem issues and trying to bring you down to his level. DO NOT LET HIM!!!

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Leave. Apply for childcare assistance from the state and put him on child support even if he doesn’t currently have a job… he’ll have to get one if he’s not living off of you.

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Leave, go for child support, and I’m not sure what state you’re in but there is help with child care. No reason to stay with the mental abuse it never ends good

Leave him! Nothing about him will change. Love yourself and your children first!

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Ruuun! Please love! Kids need to see their mom happy kids need to see their moms loved and cared for by their significant other do it for your kids and of course for yourself. He mentally has issues.

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I would apply for child care in my state… they have it everywhere and it goes by your income

He needs to be working and if he is treating you that way get rid of the jealous piece of shit :-1::-1::-1::-1:

Most states have daycare programs through welfare that are very affordable

He’s insecure and taking it out on you.

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Who cares take some time off work to figure out child care and drop the piece of shit!

Sounds like my ex husband leave while u can!

Leave. There are programs to help single moms. Do not let him bully you.

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I promise you the longer you stay the worse it will be for the kids! I learned the hard way. I struggled when I finally left but I was SO much happier. Unfortunately my daughter suffers from extreme anxiety because of the things her father did. You and your children deserve better!!

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Girl. If you’re already doing it all now you’re without him anyways. You sound like you have made up your mind and you seem to have your shit together, you will figure it all out. Everything gets better in time, but doesn’t start til you take the first step forward.

Definitely leave. I have raised two kids on my own and they’re great! Childcare is expensive, they have many options out there from before/after school, state funded, neighbors, etc. good luck! :four_leaf_clover: :muscle:

He ain’t the right husband for you. Leave ur independent ur supporting him. Worry about daycare later

Leave. Hes insecure as hell

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Sounds like you have a little more weight to lose, about a man’s worth. :thinking: And congrats on your weight loss by the way, you have every right to be proud of it.

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Ain’t no mfer not going to work, going to sit at home all day and not do shit and trash talk me.
Leave him. You’re kids see this and are going to think this behavior is okay.

Leave! You can get child care through the state

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He’s insecure, and feels like shit inside so he is using you as a punching bag. He is trying to break you down so that you feel awful too and then you’ll both be stuck
LEAVE NOW! That isn’t love, Love builds you up, Love supports you, and love grows with you. As your husband he should be proud of all your hard work to yourself not trying to break you down little by little.

Why do you need child care? Drop them off to their unemployed dad when you have to work :woman_shrugging:t4:

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You need to tell him. Go to counseling together and fix your relationship or leave. Or both. No one should be treated that way. No one has the right to treat someone else that way either. Parenting can be shared whether your together or not. Children need to see good choices being made,Healthy relationships and how to set boundries.

I’m a single Mom and I would rather be a single Mom then deal with that. You can get subsidy as a single parent for childcare. Trust me life will be better without him

You’re the only one that works… You’re already doing it

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Leave him. There are so many resources for you.

Leave …life is too short to listen to that BS

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Call and see how much daycare is and get a lawyer. See if your parents if you have any can help watch the kids ? Try ro work when they are in school helps.

Sounds like your husband is the problem, not you. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment from your husband. Try marriage counseling?

SO stay get fat again feel bad about yourself make him happy so he can find some else because your self esteem is low and you become depressed and don’t care about yourself and can’t be any good for your children. By all means stay. Not how scared are you to leave. There are programs right now because of Covid for you to go to school, start a new career to help with tuition child care, rent, food all kinds of things. If you are going to go this is the best time. But if he is being Mean be careful he might turn abusive, you might have to make plans in secret. They sometimes get dangerous when you try to leave.

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What food he is eating you could use that money for child care. Leave him. Move on!!

So coming from losing over 100lbs myself your husband is worried others will be interested and he will lose you. I suggest counseling to at least try before throwing it all in.

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I think you need to lose some more weight. As in your husband

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Leave him and be a role model you want your kids to follow. If they were in your shoes 20 years from now, you as the mother would love them SO much you wouldn’t want them to feel that hurt…So don’t show them it’s acceptable. Show them that you love yourself enough :heart:

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Would you have left him if you were still big? If not …at least give him one more chance. He’s obviously insecure. Goodluck to you! Congrats on your weight loss.

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Congratulations on the weight loss! I’m sorry he’s mean to you, I wouldn’t deal with it. You can and will find a way, that’s what us Mommas do. Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness. He’s not it.

If you’re going to leave which I definitely think would be more beneficial for you & your children start by trying to put money away - trust me I left my ex with no plans & no finances when my son was four & it was so hard at the beginning.

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First thing first look at what you have accomplished congratulations that is awsome second know you are beautiful and you are worth and if he can not see that shame on him if you really love hi. And want it to work tye counseling and pray hard for your relationship if you are done and have no hope leave and Remer you are stronger than you think and you can do it and also pray pray God will help toead you where you need to be good luck

Their’s organizations out there to help with child care on a sliding scale depending on income. Child Action is one and most states have programs as well as church groups. Don’t hesitate to ask around but whatever you do, kick his butt to the curb. No one deserves to be treated bad and your kid’s surely don’t need to see or hear you being treated bad. Set the example and show them self respect is important and Dad’s behavior is unacceptable unless you want them to learn abuse is normal. Don’t walk…RUN! :running_woman:

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If you want to leave I say go and take him to court for child support they are his kids too he has a responsibility to pay for also

Ew! You deserve better :heart:

I have been married 33 years. I am leaving mine because the final straw was that I have lost 130 pounds and he told me that he hasn’t noticed.

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