if you all got cheated on, you’d make mistakes too shes in a vulnerable state. shes not asking for criticism. (DNR)
He is definitely cheating… don’t ignore these red flags
Stop discussing it with your kids wtf
Why did you involve your kids before you either worked through it or decided to leave.
I understand you. I didn’t tell my kids anything because they SEE everything and they HEAR everything. My 7 year old son tells me to leave his father because he hears me get on to his dad for coming home at 3AM from a bar. Kids aren’t dumb so don’t bash this mom too hard. I think for your own sanity you should leave. Your parents should understand. Your kids need to see you happy again. Just the 3 of you…I’m sure you’ll make it work. Good Luck and God bless.
Why are you even asking. Who knows what disease he might have if he has been cheating with many women. Be checked for STD then see an attorney ASAP. If you aren’t staying for you - why are you staying??? Do you have a job? GET one - - -
You shouldn’t involve your kids. I don’t care if they are in their twenties. This is something private between you and him. If you divorced and they ask later then you could tell them something but I don’t believe out right telling kids their father cheated is good. I think you should leave!! He obviously can’t be faithful.
Your children should not be deciding how you should to handle your relationship. Doesn’t matter that their father is the other half of that relationship, it’s not their choice to make. It’s yours.
Also, the concept of staying together “for the children” is so incredibly fucked up, because in reality, it’s better for them to grow up/live in a home with parents who are legitimately happy and want to be together. Choosing to stay in a relationship that makes you miseable will have a far wose affect on their psyche than you and their father breaking up ever will.
All you are teaching them by staying is that the “right” thing to do is to allow their partner to treat them like shit and disrespect them on a regular basis. Is that what you want for them? Frankly, you’re telling you’re husband on a daily basis that it’s ok for him to treat you like that, by staying.
It’s one thing if an infidelity happens once and the person who cheated legitimately works through whatever issues they had that caused it, and together you work on your relationship. But, when it’s just one person repeatedly cheating, with no regard for how it affects their partner - or their family as whole - and they have zero interest in changing or doing anything different, there is no good reason to stay with that person.
If they want to be some single bachelor who sleeps around with whomever they want, whenever they want, then maybe that’s exactly what they need to be. By staying, you are just allowing them to have their cake and eat it too. Why would he end the marriage? He has you to take care of his children, clean his house, cook all the meals, while he gets to sleep around and do whatever he wants. He’s got a great deal, he definitely won’t end it. You need to.
You gotta think, regardless of however your children feel about it, what do YOU want? Do you really want to stay married to a guy who doesn’t respect you, treats you like shit, and keeps sleeping around with God knows who? Or would you rather cut the dead weight from your life, and take a chance at actually being happy?
You don’t have to stick with a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it. Take control of your life and make it what you want it be, instead of just accepting all the misery as what you “got stuck with.”
Happiness is a choice, you know. Right now you’re continuously choosing misery. Choose happiness and let go of what’s keeping you from having it.
Serial cheaters continue their infidelity. I got rid of mine after the first time! I deserved to be happy. I will be celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary this year! I remain very happy. Good luck
Consult a divorce attorney first and get all your paperwork and information like tax returns, bank records, savings etc. your advising attorney will tell you what you will need and then leave. You have nothing left in this marriage to save, don’t wait any longer, good luck .
Men are so fucking dumb sometimes. I’ve heard so many stories of people trying to cover up the fact that they were cheating, and this one is on there. He got a spam message of calling someone baby? No spam messages anything like that, and why would he message that to a spam number? Makes no sense. If you have to be unfaithful at least try and be smart about it. Like this one video this girl was trying to look in her bf’s phone and he said it was dead when it was literally lighting up in his pocket:roll_eyes:and men act like they’re the superior gender
Get an attorney and follow they’re advice don’t leave the home get alimony and child support
It’s not wierd that she told her children she was leaving and why. They deserve to have a right to know and it prevents the us it my fault feels from happening later
You know what you have to do… I wish you the best
There’s no need to hide the info with your teens… They are part of the life too
Just leave and get a lawyer
Nope don’t blame you. The worst part is him running into the bathroom with the phone than deciding 5 mins later he’d allow you to look like bro as if that weren’t obvious. That ship sailed. Gtfo lol.
You are not overreacting but you DO have your part of responsibility, you should never have accepted the first cheating, when you do it , that will be the part of the rest of your marriage.
It’s not easy to start over but it’s not impossible.
And PLEASE stop dragging your daughters to your marital problems, let them out , they should not be on the middle or pick a side , good or bad he still and will be always their father .
He fucked up the marriage. He can pay for it. You can include that in the divorce
If you want add any more trauma to your kids maybe you should take them with you when you go in to get tested for possibly serious or life ending std’s that your husband exposed you to with his dishonest and sneaky shit
Why are you putting your kids in the middle of grown up problems? It’s none of their business and you are making them look down on their dad for something he did to YOU not THEM! You need to stop it before you really mess those kids up! It’s your marriage so YOU figure it out!
if the children or his he has to pay child support. up until they are 18 if they go to college he still has to pay child support I am in texas so Idk if its like that any where else
First of all, children teens or not, should not be involved in marital issues. Period. One of two things could happen, your daughters will resent their father, or they’ll blame you and resent you. Regardless of how crappy of a husband he was, you shouldn’t degrade him or speak ill of him to his children. Do not out your children in the middle of it.
If you’re done, be done. Contact an attorney. Depending on your state he will likely have to pay spousal support; the amount and time frame also vary state to state.
You can get the fee waived if you are below a certain income threshold. An attorney can better assess your needs. Make an appt with one ASAP.
Also stop speaking negatively about him to your children, he can and probably will use that against you in court. Keep the kids out of the middle of it as best you can.
If you don’t already have a job, get one. Depending on your state, you may also need to secure housing because the marital home may end up needing to be sold(this varies by state).
Just get your ducks in a row if you want a divorce. Regardless if he is cheating or not, you don’t seem to love him so move one.
That would be my ex-husband!
This just happened to me again in 7 years. Four times to be exact and I always get suckered in. This time she called me and I had suspicions I had dreams about it even. And she confirmed it, sent me screenshots of pictures, told me about THIER little vacations and renting quiet cabin in the mountains. I’m so COLD. I told him we are friends nothing more. I don’t care what you do. At all. So what I’m going to do is just find me a man, and be happy like he did. And he has to watch. In your mind you’re already divorced. I feel you should do the SAME. But RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Don’t hide nothing. Get dolled up, go on a date! Only difference between you and him, you let him know everything .don’t hide it or go behind his back. If that son of bitch gives you any shit, you let his lying cheatin ass know he NO RIGHT TO BE UPSET. . You deserve to feel wanted sexy and loved to!!!
Why would you even tell your children? It has nothing to do with them. They do not need to be apart of adult business.
You are not overreacting. Go get the life your deserve! Life is too short to be treated badly.
if you know he has cheated & still are with him, Why ask us for advice, ??? I just don’t understand this. You either stay or leave & get a divorce, Plain & simple
Oh he is cheating. Get a good lawyer and dump his butt
Ok so, no you should not have given them the decision to make, it is yours. I also do not agree with all these people saying to leave them out of it. Once you make a decision, they deserve to know what is going on. One way or the other things are going to change and leaving them in the dark will only cause problems. I don’t know what to tell you financially.
You don’t need a divorce to pack your stuff and leave !
I left the cheating abusive man 6 years ago and best thing I ever did
I’m with a man now who would never cheat on me
My children don’t see my living a life that was draining me and making me into someone who isn’t authentic and wasn’t happy
Now I am true to myself and them and they are glad I left it just takes some time
Staying would be teaching them that they can accept if their partner cheats on them or that that’s what love is
And it’s not and you all deserve so much better!
All these perfect parents on here were the same people who will lashed out and say things about their spouses when they get mad .
I had respect for myself and left. and oddly I left for many reasons and didn’t know about the cheating until after. Once the trust is broken I’m done. I’m 43 and each one KNEW not to mess with my boundaries and standards on that… the only one I caught was my first long term partner… he ran and hid from me for fear is flip out. I didn’t. Packed his things and kicked him out of my home immediately. He begged and begged and said he would never do it again (he had three women writing him in each state he was traveling to… didn’t need any other evidence. Once per names and I live you’s happen… it’s too far)
Respect yourself and literally pack silently and leave.
Or stay and be crushed in every way possible until you are a shell of who you used to be. Don’t get mad, don’t cry in front of him and tell him this “I don’t have tears left to cry over the same betrayal. I’m done. sigh have a great life. I’ll see you in court to sign the papers”
And cut off all communication. It’s easier than you think!!
My ex husband was the same and I left. Unfortunately for me, children involved and he kept prolonging things and took almost 3 years to finalize the divorce and agreement on the children. But I will say it’s the best thing I ever did and I wish I would have done it sooner as I wasted my youth as well on him.
Listen to your children. Discuss thoroughly the pros and cons. He is not being a good role model as a husband, father or trustworthy human. Would he want his daughter’s to put up with that? I hope not
I’m sure I’ll get crucified for this but I have to say, shame on you for running straight to tell your children. That’s their father and they aren’t adults and didn’t ask for you to tell them the truth and tarnish that relationship. (Idgaf about his feelings but it hurts your kids too). My ex was a nightmare and to this day almost 20 years later I’ve never told my children any of the stuff he did to me because it would destroy them.
That being said, know your worth! You are a strong beautiful woman that deserves to be respected and loved
So so so much better than he has. Your parents will understand and support you, no one wants their adult child living in a miserable relationship. But if you love him and don’t want to go you can always give him a choice, intense couples therapy or divorce and see what he picks.
For Goodness sake, pack his stuff now…
Get out of there but know your options. You have 3 people to. Care for. Pack his bags for him and ask him to leave. A divorce only costs lots of money depending on the fight. You both pay for your own lawyers. There is support out there to help with these costs. He’ll have to pay support and if you’ve been a stay at home parent you go after alimony. Depending on his job, if he’s going to get a pension down the road you could be entitled to 1/2 of that. If he has medical coverage you be sure he keeps at least the kids covered. Try not to upset your life and as far as your parents go, no parent in their right mind wants this for their child. You’ll have more support than you could ever think
This is way too many words to waste talking about a man who cheated on you.
First of all he is the one in the wrong here, NOT HER!
He has already put his children in a very bad place. Having sex with whom ever and possibly bringing back diseases that can cause this mom bad health issues even death so stop telling her not to involve those children cause he already has in the worst possible way.
Those kids could end up without parents because of his secretive actions and you want to jump on her for saying what’s going on.
Y’all are wrong for that.
Yes the kids should shown they are loved by both parents but it sure does not seem like this father is worried about the position he’s putting any of them in.
This mom however has tried to keep her family together just to be treated like she’s nothing and not good enough. What about her and her sacrifices because I can tell you it’s a huge sacrifice to stay and try and make your marriage work.
It down right kills you inside and she has done this. Now she needs to move on and take care of herself and her children.
Shame on all of you for not seeing what she has done for her family.
Stop shaming her if mistakes were made
Lift her up and give her good advise.
Leave him… that’s it, that’s the answer
Get rid of him once a cheater always a cheater!
First of all dont involve your minor children in business that’s between you and your husband
He’s cheating. If you can prove it, use that in court and get yourself the heck out of there.
Leave. You should have left the first time. Get a lawyer. It can be costly but it’s a worthy investment. As is therapy during and after to help you heal from everything so you don’t pick the same person again after all this.
The decision is yours and not your childrens’s.
He definitely wants single player life.
Just divorce and move on ge then can stop hiding phone in his undies and make excuses up.
If house is in both names sell go 50 50 he should move in with baby 1 or 2 and begin to start fresh with her until he gets board and cheats on her.
You and your Girl’s should stay in the house until sold then move on.
No girl. GTFO! You’ll be fine.
Involving your children was GROSS pitying them against him may bite you in the butt STOP IT. HEAY BE A POS husband but he may love his kids and cheating does not make him a bad dad like it or not.
I don’t think I would have told my children, especially the same day. But everyone is different. Also, it isn’t the first time he’s done this. I could never trust him again, and without trust there’s nothing left. I would file and move on with my life. It’s time for you to be happy. Its your decision at the end of the day! Do what you feel is right.
He didn’t cheat on your children… he cheated on you! You had no business telling them that! My parents were able to divorce and I never had a clue why until I was grown and had children of my own.
Divorce is cheap if you file yourself
I’ve never had to deal with this so I will reply as if it were one of my children. You should have filed for divorce before bringing the kids into any of it and that is just answering any questions they may have in a fashion that they are not put in the middle. Only their questions with no fillers. The courts could see it as manipulation/coaching. It’s also a weight they shouldn’t have to bear. You put yourself in this by staying not the children. As for your parents heartbreak they have no weight in this. They can feel any way they want to. This is your life, not theirs. If it were my child my “heartbreak” would be disappointment and anger toward the cheating party. Finances are not worth putting your kids through all of this. That’s just how I see it. In the end only you know what to do at this point to be honest.
I’d leave, can’t stand a cheater
I’m glad one of your daughters recognizes, that she should never be treated that way. By staying, you’re showing your daughters that it’s ok to let a man treat you like you mean nothing. I know its not easy, but just one step at a time. Also? Wondering how your parents are going to feel about it, shouldn’t matter. It’s between you, and him. I’m sure your parents want you to be happy, so eventually they’ll understand. Sounds like you’re making a lot of excuses, not to leave.
Leave his cheating arse
I would have after the first time
Leave his BUTT, why stay to abuse!!!
sweetie you need to get out, it does not matter what the cost money wise, it is you happiness and well being that you need to take care of and your children well be find once you are happy
Mine did it 3 times in a one year period, he didn’t actually have sex as far as I know, but talking to then online, allegedly sending pics of his junk, sending them money, he left me for the first,I got him to come back… He did it twice more, by then I emotionally disconnected from my marriage completely… It was hard in ways, but I was ready. I know it’s hard, especially if you are still in love with him, but don’t put yourself through it, it gets worse, it will tear you down . You can and will find yourself again, you deserve better.
Ummm the first time he cheated !!! Shame on you for staying and showing your girls that is acceptable. You can make it on your own, their are a million single parents so that is an excuse. Hopefully you get checked for stds regularly
Listen to your daughters
Screw how your parents feel
They are not in your marriage
Leave him as your only enabling him
To do this
Here is your choice
A stay to save your parents feelings
B leave him for your own sanity
Only you can make that choice
No you aren’t overreacting. You have put up with this garbage longer than you should have. He has put much effort into this which time he took away from your family. Get rid of him and make a new life for yourself. Get a good lawyer to go over your options.
Pack your bags and the kids, while he is out and just leave. Get help so that none of you are stranded and get professional help also. Staying in a loveless relationship will affect your children when they are older. It is so sad that he thinks he can carry on like this…I think he knows that you are scared so he will play on it …better still lock him out of the home you keep the lot. Change the household keys and keep the car keys away from him make sure you have both garage door openers so he can’t sneak in. If he breaks in call the police…
When you are done you will feel it in your bones. You won’t feel sad or like you haven’t tried enough or done what you can to fix it. You just are over it. You can survive and money will be tight but not forever. Div is expensive but it can help set a custody schedule and child support. Know you are done and your kids need to see you respected and having positive relationships.
You are normal and what you feeling is normal he is a common cheater and probably on dating sites as well for this kind of cheater porn is a every day thing … And hunting constantly for the next new fix … What puzzles me is why they pretend to love their family’s and wives and go around hiding things deleting phones content on a daily basis .,. It’s just outright sick … If you have the means to leave do it … If not ignore it … Cause it doesn’t get better they just find new ways to hunt when you do catch them
Next time he goes out change the locks, why should you leave. He’s the one stepping out. Kick him out…
No you’re not overreacting. He has left the relationship of a sacred marriage and is not honoring his vows. He’s probably comfortable with you cooking and cleaning for him and he can continue to pretend he’s faithful. If you want to put up with this disrespectful treatment, I guess you will.
Do you hear yourself???
U r stating u don’t live him, u want out…
But now ur not sure what to do?! What the heck!!
Plus stop asking ur kids for advice and or an opinion!
Okay so when she DOES leave him how will it look to the kids if they are suddenly ripped away from their father? They need to know the reason why they are leaving. Its not like they are small children, which then I would understand not telling. Her telling them all those years ago probably shouldn’t have happened but they are old enough to be told the truth.
Now days you can get a no Fault ￼divorce but you both have to agree on everything can get papers at court house. Or apply for a legal aid lawyer first to file usually wins.
Personally I would have kept the kids out of it and had a talk with them later on once you started the process of divorce or counseling. If It were me I’d first discuss couples therapy with my husband and if he’s willing to make that effort to go, wait on leaving to see if you can’t just work things out. If your husband’s unwilling to go to therapy, file for separation/divorce. Think about how you would want your girls to handle this situation if it were them and do exactly that. Regardless of what they want (mom and dad together or divorced) you need to think what is best for you and your family.
Eww he sounds like disgusting person. Idk why you told your children all of this stuff because that’s adult problems but you need to file for separation first and get him out if the house.
Don’t listen to these people that tell you , to do it yourself. I know for a fact, that you need to get yourself an attorney. You Google and find one that , will talk to you for free, the first time. They will get the ball rolling. Please don’t tell him, what you are doing. You and your kids will have a better life. The attorneys will make sure you get , half of everything and he will , be made to pay child support. I have been thru this , many years ago.
To start with, please don’t involve your children in these matters. It’s not fair to them. They want and need to love you both, so allow them that.
Next, get yourself a good lawyer and talk to them about all your questions.
You cannot find your answers here. You can only find suggestions.
Best of luck to you!!
You def need to leave. By staying you are teaching your girls that it’s ok to be treated like that.
As a teenager who was put in the middle of my parents divorce and cheating it was insanely wrong to involve your kids. If YOU decide to leave him yes, sit them down explain you’re divorcing but they DON’T need to know every detail and they definitely aren’t a part of the choice of you leaving that’s on YOU. Keep them out of things you haven’t decided on. My parents didn’t do that for me and I’m 25 and still in therapy for it.
Don’t put the burden on your kids it’s not their decision it has to be yours. I stayed with mine for my kids way too long but as a result lost their respect for a time. They were teens already I didn’t understand why I put myself and them through the ups and downs of my miserable marriage.
Why would you ever talk to your kids about this? That was a bad decision. This is between the two of you, not them. You will be fine, you’re an adult and able to care for yourself just fine.
Christian counseling for starters and lots of prayers.
I don’t blame you for wanting out, but your are 100% dead wrong for involving your children in this .
Obviously he knows if you cheat He Cheats you’ll take him back I get rid of his ass