It’s takes 2 people to make a baby. He should be helping whenever he can. Your children should be comfortable and be able to go to him for a diaper change or anything for that matter and him help them. That’s supposed to be your partner. He needs to act like it or gtfo. Sorry mamas 
He sounds like a twat!
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First question I got is why is 3 & 4 year olds still in diapers??
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Your husband is verbally abusing your children and the fact they are assuming at ages 3 and 4 that you are mad at them because you’ve done something he gets angry about speaks volumes ! If I was in this position I’d be leaving with your poor children. The ramifications of childhood trauma are serious. Please don’t let your children become a statistic.
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I had a friend who grew up knowing her father didn’t love her or her sister, really messed with her head. It doesn’t change, the mother divorced him when they were grown, but it would have been better earlier, they all could have been happy. Just be happy and look after your kids, you’ll be happier without him and he will be happier single. 
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I think on a personal level I be telling him it’s over between you both…and ask him to leave…these children at such a young age shouldn’t have to worry about going to Daddy for something…they already don’t ask him, don’t they say something to you? I think I be giving them a better life without the worry of Daddy.
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Leave your kids come before anyone!! Those babies are probably terrified of him!
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First I don’t see why people are commenting “why are 3 & 4 year olds still in diapers?” Maybe they still have accidents at night time. Maybe they’re taking a little longer to get potty trained since you all do know every child is different right? Secondly ma’am you need to make him your ex husband. It’s gonna be hard, but those babies don’t deserve to be around someone like that even if it is their dad. File for divorce and set up supervised visitation if he even wants to do that.
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Did you think that maybe you’re coddling your kids and he’s just over it? They’re 3 and 4 and still in diapers? Is there a legitimate reason for that? Why aren’t they potty trained by now? Sorry but coming from a similar situation but reversed I was about ready to boot my husband out because he was a stay home dad while I worked to support us and wasn’t potty training our toddlers and was letting them over run our lives without giving us any alone time. I made his ass go back to work and decided to work AND take care of the kids. Had he not went back to work, I would have either left him or would have made his ass take care of them 24/7. There is pretty much no reason at 3 and 4 they should be in diapers and be able to ask to be changed and ask if you’re made. Clearly they’re cognitive, they know when they’re doing this, they can read emotion and ask questions and speak in sentences. Why haven’t you potty trained them? Sorry I know I’m going to get shit for it, but it sounds like you coddle them and he’s just fed up. I’m willing to bet that the sleeping in bed with you for nightmares wouldn’t be an issue without other stuff going on. It is likely a routine thing and was the straw that broke the camels back. You ever think your husband might want time with you? That he might want time alone? That he might be beyond irritated that those kids aren’t potty trained. You say he complains about your parenting style, have you ever thought those are his kids too and he might feel like he has zero say in how they’re raised? Especially since you take offense to him pointing things out? There are ways to be that amazing great mom while still actually raising your kids and making sure you’re doing what you should be. For fox sake those kids are old enough to be in pre-K and they’re not potty trained even. Talk to your husband and actually listen to WHY he has issues with your parenting. Both of y’all need to compromise on parenting. You want him to be a parent, then realize you have to give and take. I would mentally and physically want to peace out too. I read that post to my husband and he got the same thing I did from it. You’re probably coddling them and your husband feels like he has no say in anything and is fed up so he just avoids being home so he don’t have to deal with seeing how his kids are when that isn’t at all how he wants his kids raised.
Dont understand why it matters if your cildren aren’t potty trained, nobodys business plus thats not what you asked. I wouldnt leave the home, I’d pack his shit together and get him to leave. He sounds like a right knob and your children shouldn’t be brought up around someone that they are scared of.
You married a in compassionate jerk. Demand he go to counseling- which may or may not help. Otherwise, you need to leave before he emotionally damages your children and you spend even more time miserable with even more regrets.
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Why would you want to stay with someone that miserable?
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Take those beautiful babies and leave
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That’s emotional abuse of children he needs to be reported and you need to leave that MF soon
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The first time I noticed my kids were scared of there own father I would have walked out
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u may as well get rid of him and do it alone
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Oh my heart breaks no kid should be so obsessed with wanting to know your emotions or checking the vibe. To already feel the rejection and to feel like they’re are the problems god this is so sad. I know it’s hard but I’d say leave at least for the opportunity to find something you all deserve but before that getting therapy so none of you end up choosing a shitty human like that sperm donor
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You need to divorce him before it totally damages your children. Leave and don’t look back.
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I would leave. I have no tolerance for someone that doesn’t show love and care for my kids especially if that’s supposed to be their dad and your partner. Your kids will suffer more if you stay with him.
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You’ve answered your own questions……
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Get them kids away from that man pronto!!!
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Your marriage is over with. Get a divorce and live a happy life
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Your children are your first priority in this. I think you need to leave him. This post truly breaks my heart. I am scared for them. It sounds like you are too. It’s hard to leave a marriage, but those babies deserve to feel safe in their own home. It sounds like you mama give them that. If there is somewhere you can go I would get out ASAP (or have him leave if you can) and try and think all of this through. It’s not impossible for him to change. But he needs to do it away from your babies.
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I would b getting those baby’s out … 3 & 4 n scared to tell their dad things cuz how he gna react example havin to sleep in dirty nappy wen ur sleeping they should b able to say daddy nappy change or wateva even if u sleep
No man is worth your kiddies be scared and miserable it also emotional abuse it gna destroy n mess their life ups n they may also resent you if u don’t act now Hun
Children need love and protection not abuse (shoutin to wear they scared to speak up about something so small) someone who don’t give a f### xx
It also not good for your mental health your kiddies also want a happy mummy not a sad scared depressed mummy x
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3 and 4 years in diapers? Also afraid to ask to be changed ? Are you allowing them to hit milestones? Are they eating solids and not bottle feeding them? Sounds odd. Don’t hold them back! Allow them to grow. Growing up doesn’t mean growing apart.
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The blame is on him and his obvious lack of a parenting style, the kids are developing trauma from him. Get rid of him.
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But do act ASAP cos if someone reports the diaper thing you will both get in trouble not just that loser
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You’re already a single parent by the sounds of it and the kids are afraid to ask their "father” for a simple bum change. You need to get yourself and those babies out. You all will be much happier together without him. Time to start looking for a place to move.
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Sounds like you already know the answer to your question. Follow your gut.
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Throw the whole man away, my love. Find someone who is going to step up and be your partner and the father figure those children deserve. Deep down, you know this is mental abuse. You all deserve better. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. 
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I’m not trying to be mean but really what do you think is going to happen here? He’s had four years to not be this person and he still is he is not going to change it’s just going to get worse because eventually the kids are going to do something that make him mad or they’re going to start being teenagers and having attitudes because all teenagers do and then what’s going to happen? Leave for your own safety and your children’s
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I have kids grandkids and great grandkids and I love all of my kids and I would do anything to help them those kids are my life
What kind of parent are you if you don’t love your children and that three and four years old that’s the time that they are really precious
Get rid of that horrible excuse of a husband and father. He has neglected them. Its abuse leaving them in soiled nappies and no child should ever be afraid of asking their parent to do the bare minimum especially so young.
But I want to say you sound like an amazing mum and you will be able to do it on your own.
With his behaviour and the children being scared, he may be suffering with his mental health but sometimes people can do bad things. Keep those babies safe.
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He sounds like a real winner.
He’s had 4 years to be a dad, and if he won’t do it in 4 years, he won’t ever. You leave him and take those kids with you. And my suggestion, you do it while he is at work in case he tries to stop you. And you document everything. Take pictures, record your kids being scared, document the trauma, document him being the issue.
Leave. This is abuse to your kids and your mental health.
Poor babies. They are suffering mental abuse. You need to leave. Period. So sad 
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Sounds like he didn’t want to have kids in the first place. The hardest part of being married is when the kids are born and the husband has to adjust to you taking care of the babies all the time and not giving him attention, it’s a hard balance. I let my first husband go because he was all messed up on drugs and it was the kids or him. Maybe you should get counseling first then figure out what to do next.
The energy of Dad in the home could be hindering the children’s milestones. I would have a serious talk with him and let him know ur try to raise well rounded, caring humans. Not Dicks, such as hisself and he can either get on board or kick rocks. But maybe in a little nicer way. Only if u want💅🏿
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Your children will grow up walking on eggshells their whole childhood. They wii be anxious and fearful. It destroys their joy. Get them away from that. It will crush their self esteem. They can not feel loved and protected in that miserable environment.
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It sounds like he is jealous of the kids and taking it out on them in a passive/aggressive way. Getting upset they are in bed with you interferes with the privacy he feels when it is just the two of you. Comforting kids in the dark is normal, but are you trying to solve that by using a night light and not letting them watch inappropriate age related movies that may scare them? Be careful if comforting your kids has grown to become a way of preventing you from intimacy with your husband. Young children and their constant need for care can sometimes interfere with a marriage due to the many years they really do only want mommy. Before you would give up I would talk with a counselor and set up several sessions. Also, I would put the effort in to finding a babysitter or a relative who can stay overnight with them and go away for a night or two. If you can’t do that arrange a day trip but with just you and your husband. Make it fun and reminiscent of some special memories when you first fell in love. Rekindle the flame and overcome his cold shoulder and resistant parenting.
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Get them out of that environment it’s going to effect them mentally and emotionally having no dad around is better than having one that they are scared to be around
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You need to run and run fast. Your kids dont deserve to be scared their whole life
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Take your kids and leave that’s mental abuse on ur kids and urself. U and the kids deserve better. It ain’t gunna get any better if u stick around
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Girl please leave him you can find so much better. Make him pay child support, your obviously able to be a single mom since you do all the work yourself. He’s toxic and unreliable, your children shouldn’t have to feel scared or unwanted. He’s not going to change, I would document everything so that when filing for anything you have proof for the courts.
He sounds . narcissistic to me and he just cant be arsed.
He sounds like a narcissist. Girl get out now for those babies, believe me I have all kinds of issues because of my father who acted very similar to how you’re discribing.
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Hes just going to become more abusive, turn to God for guidance to see you through. Prayers for you & your children. Talk to him about his childhood & you’ll find some understanding why he is the way he is.
Kids absolutely take this type of treatment and carry it with them their entire lives. If he won’t get help, you need to get the kids out of this situation. It’s low key abuse and definitely neglect.
Life is really toooo short to be miserable with no help you might as well be a single mom! He sounds like he does not enjoy children. Which many do not. This is terrible for you and the children. Not setting your children up for decent memories of their childhood be strong
This is emotional abuse and a huge sign of future abuse. Do you want your children living and growing in that environment? Pack and go to your parents or a friends house.
He could have postnatel blues men get it to but if the kids ate scared of him … alarm bells
This situation is extremley sad. And the worst thing is the Dad doesnt know what he is missing. Leave him move on and you and your children be happy else where. Good luck.
That would absolutely be a deal breaker for me. NO ONE will treat my kid poorly, especially their own father 
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Obviously he didn’t want kids or marriage and can be how they were in his house growing in
Seems you should never have had children….men like this make me angry, my father was the same, a cold fish……you are better on your own….he should get the snip before he has any other relationship, it’s not fair on the children either……
Don’t ask him to do anything appreaciate what he does by himself. Plan events and activities that are easy for him to do with kids that he can brag about. He will feel more connected be proud of the accomplishment together. Do this regularly. His attitude should start to change. It sucks but it’s reality. He should do it himself but won’t. Otherwise leave because you do want to put that effort in then it won’t fix itself x
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Leave him , your poor children are clearly affected by him , asking if your mad when you change their bums , your the only one who can do something about this , so don’t let them down x
Sometimes men have an attachment issues women go through it too. Forcing the issue to change could have awful happenings in the end . It seems wrong I know but sometimes people are not meant to be parents.
Everybody is saying leave that man.
Other than fighting have you actually communicated? It sounds like you have different ideas of parenting. Does dad think they should be potty trained by now? If so, make him help transition them. Does he think you’re not allowing them to become independent? Has he talked about how he grew up? Maybe your style of parenting looks like too much coddling to him. You can explain things to him. If you’re always fighting over the kids & parenting then his anger will focus there because in his mind the kids are the issue. Lack of communication & understanding is the real issue it seems. Does he fully understand his kids are afraid to come to him? It really sounds like you need to start with therapy. You got married for a reason. You need to communicate it out. Otherwise, just leaving will be harder for you & the kids.
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Will frist of all a 3 9r 4 such not still be in diapers. Any way unless they have mef control thats being lazy on your oart
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Sounds like not a good partner. You decide, does your kids deserve that kind of father? Talk to him if nothing change, its time to say bye.
Gwendolyn Love I was just getting ready to say this, believe it, 100 percent, you need to try and do everything you can before just leaving, you’re not only gonna make a decision for you, but yalls kids also…you need to make sure you can genuinely walk away and say you did everything you could to try and save it before moving on…
If your partner doesn’t understand it’s kids before me (for any parent involved let’s not be sexist or genderise) then get rid of partner. I have done it, it’s what’s best for your kids.
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He have to change or get a divorce and take the kids u don’t need that might as well be a single mom
My husband wasn’t great with our boys when they were young. He acted the same way. Once they got older (middle school age) he connected with them. Now the roles have reversed. He does everything with them while I stay home.
He probably feels that they’re old enough to be potty trained if they’re able to ask to have their diaper changed. 
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He could be jealous of the attention the kids are getting from you. Remember, he was getting the attention before they came along. Most men are like kids. Most of us women realise it.
Plz, no hateful, nasty comments if you don’t agree. It is after all, just MY opinion.
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If children are asking to be changed surely they old enough to be potty trained. Maybe allow him to have some sort of control or say on how the children are brought up and he would feel more included
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If he refuses to get help leave this “man” your children deserve so much better
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If your children truly come first then you know what you need to do. The situation does not sound fixable
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If you knew this after the first child, and continued to have his children, that’s child abuse on your part.
Ummm… why tf is a 3 & 4 yr old still in diapers?!
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Ew he sounds like 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband hates taking care of our kids, what can I do? - Mamas Uncut
Sounds like he didn’t want to be a father in the first place
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Nah leave, the “are you mad at me” for everything is a sign of emotional trauma and they need to be away from that. I know from experience, I’m 25 now and still constantly asking that. Leaves a scar.
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I feel like you already know you need to leave but you just needed the courage and maybe the support to know that it’s the right thing to do.
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I’m sorry you are having to go through this. But it sounds like to me that you are the one doing everything for your children. If your children are already afraid to ask their dad to do something for them that isn’t right. They need to be in a safe and caring environment away from people who make them feel this way. When you say you comfort them when they are scared I would do exactly the same thing. You are their mama and their world and they are yours. If your husband doesn’t understand that then there is a big problem. It’s actually upsetting to hear that your children don’t feel supported by their father, but even at a young age at least they know they have a fantastic mother like you who does everything they need! I think you’ll all be a lot happier and a huge Weight lifted off of your shoulders if you left. Support is always on this page and if you ever need a chat you can give me a private message and I’ll help support you, us mams have to stick together you’ve got this!! Xxx
Sounds like a guy who could potentially hurt your children
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Just leave him 
You already sounds like a single mum so just go make a better life for you and your children.
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I had exactly the same in my marriage and my little one was just under one when I upped and left. I didn’t want my child around such negativity and atmosphere all the time and I wanted him to feel loved like he should. So I left and it’s the best thing I ever did. I’m now in a loving relationship where we are equal and parent together (his 3 and my 1) and I’ve never looked back xx
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Leave, no question about it! Just pack your shit and leave. Kids deserve better and so do you!
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Sounds like ur kids are miserable too, get rid , they’d feel more loved with out him there
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Actually breaks my heart to read this…absolutely no respect for you at all if he feels the need to berate you for comforting your children
Marriage is a partnership so yes he should be doing half the work but with love cause thats supposed to come naturally its not fair for those kids to see resentment thats just wrong
You too need a break we all do as parents thats perfectly natural or we wind up miserable and angry but sounds to me like its not the kids that does that to you x
Hoenstly id be asking myself is it worth wasting anymore of my time on something that drags me down
Do whats best for you and your kids xxx
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Get out…he doesn’t want to spend time with you & the kids & when he does it is becoming toxic! He doesn’t deserve you or the children. Go & make a better life for yourself & your babies.
Sounds like your doing it all on your own anyway I’m afraid 
. That’s heartbreaking for your children to ask you that, shows they notice it which is awful, your better off out of it hope your ok xx
He sounds horrible. Honestly your kids will remember how he treated them. Whilst their still young get out and get a place if you can where you all can be happy, not scared and stepping on eggshells. How was his childhood? Were his parents loving?
If you’re miserable the children pick up on that too. You must end the marriage in order to be happy. Happy mum = Happy children.
Sounds like he’s not a family man your wasting your time I’m sure you will be better of without him think about your babies and get out
Leave. Kick him out. Go to the courts for sole custody. But presently take photos or keep records of his neglect and general assholeness as evidence why he shouldn’t have the kids. Don’t stay in a marriage just because you do want the kids have to have a “broken” home. Sounds like they’d be better off without that nuisance. You’re pretty much a single mother by the sounds of it.
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I’m no expert but it sounds as though it’s time to leave. Things will only get worse and both you & the children will suffer.
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Get the hell out of Dodge whelst you still can by the sounds of it . "Are you mad at me " that should be a huge red flag right there sounds like there scared of him. Concentrate on your baby’s and kick him to the curb
This was literally posted exactly the same days ago. Starting to thing this page is fake as says posted 2hrs ago but you commented on it yourself 1 day ago
Leave. This is toxic for you and toxic for your kids. Xxx
You’re miserable and the kids feel it… you know what you need to do x
Leave. As quickly as you are able to.
You definitely need to leave him. Poor you and those poor kids. They don’t need to be scared or sleep in dirty nappies
Leave. If you’re miserable your children are sensing it and will also make them miserable… put yourself and them first and just do it alone, it seems like it’s already that way anyway, your husband is literally an audience that watches you do it all. He sounds like a pig and doesn’t deserve none of you. be single, be happy and maybe one day you will find a man that will love you all and do anything and everything for you all xox
Pack his crap put outside with a note and lock up the house with new locks don’t move yourself , remove him like the trash he is x
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