Can you please post. I have been working for the last two weeks with no days off. I have not seen my 5 years except to pick her up from her grandparents and put her to be when I get home. I finally got a day off and was planning on spending it with her and getting caught up on housework. My husband invited friends to the house without asking me. The husband is coming over to help my husband and help him do some work. My husband said it’s not right to get the guy to come over and help without asking the wife to come and hang out with me. But I’m upset because if the friends come over they are going to bring their kids and my daughter is not going to spend time with me. Am I wrong for being upset that my husband didn’t ask?
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I think he should have asked and let you know. Especially if you had planned to spend it with your daughter. Next time, I would let him know ahead of time your plans and tell him to ask you/let you know his plans as well.
I think he should have talked to you about it. Everyday my husband and I discuss what I want to do today and what he wants to do today and figure out our plan for the day. Sometimes we even ask each other the day before like hey what do you think we should do tomorrow.
I Don’t think you’re wrong at all. It is a matter of respect and consideration. My boyfriend of a year has had to learn this about me. It was a bit of a struggle, but he gets it now. He seems worried about leaving the friends wife out, but not about your feelings… that would not fly with me.
Did he know that’s what you had planned? If not how was he supposed to know that wasn’t ok? Although, I would think he should ask, obviously, if he’s including you in these plans. I would say letting him know that going forward you would like a heads up would be a good idea.
You do the same … girls movie night
I.mean he could have asked but it’s not worth fighting over. You can still have the whole evening and night to spend with your daughter.
Next time tell him your leaving the house for the day if he does this again
Your husband lives there also and he is an adult. He really doesn’t need to ask He just should notify you that people are coming over.
He was way out of line no need for the wife to tag along tell him you had already made plans let him deal with it
Communication…when he said this you should have said sorry but im busy youll have to keep them both occupied now
If you did not tell him your plans why dose he have to tell you his? He wanted help with stuff I think you are over reacting
My husband and I always check with each other before we invite people over. We may have had something planned, we may not be in the mood to entertain, or literally any other reason.
You share a home and should share the decision.
Yes he could of asked …he probably wasn’t even thinking. Not fight worthy at all . He was probably just doing something that you always do . The wife comes with his friend .
He’s not a mind reader u gotta spell things out and why don’t u take your daughter and go somewhere u can do what u want to do right
He probably should have asked, but it’s not worth a fight.
Wow to some of these comments …poor guy . Hes your husband not your child . Next Time speak up , communicate .
I understand your frustration. I really do.
But make the most of it and allow yourself to enjoy the time and make memories. Find an activity to do with the kids and you moms.
I would say if you had plans be sure to let him know ahead of time. Men don’t read minds worth crap. He probably just didn’t think it was a big deal. Both of you need to be communicating
You should have left the house and his friend,friend wife would have been there with him sorry but not sorry. Or I would have went in the bedroom and shut the door with my daughter and locked it like we were taking a nap. You are not over reacting he’ll you deserve to enjoy your home without having people come over.
No u aren’t, u need a little family time
You are not wrong but you need to always remember men do not think like a woman does. If you don’t tell him he’ll think everything is fine. I’ve been married 43yrs and my husband still doesn’t realize I need to be informed before he makes plans that includes me. He almost always tells me in advance.lol
Not sure why you have to entertain his wife. Why can they guy come over and help and then leave
I would take your daughter out since you had planned for just you and her, Do not feel guilty.
If you don’t talk to him and Express things then how will he know what your initial plan was ?
Why not call the wife and explain? You’re a grown ass woman
I wouldn’t be to upset, my husband does it all the time but the wives sometimes come and sometimes don’t. I get along real well with the wives and we go out together a lot. However I understand your need for some one on one time with your kid(s). If places are open where you live why don’t you get out of the house together and let your husband worry about taking care of whomever he has invited and tell him while he’s at it he gets to clean up after them when his friends leave, LOL. That’s the only part I hate.
It sounds like he had good intentions…I mean if the guy was coming to help work then it’s less you have to help with, right?But it also sounds like there wasn’t any communication between who was planning what. Communication is key.
So it’s only up to you? If you said no then he couldn’t invite anybody over? Yeah he should of discussed it but I don’t feel an adult should have to ask permission to do anything in their own home that they contribute to as well. Just like he should of said something you should have told him about your plans
Then make a day out for the two of you simple not rocket science hubby n I do this all the time
Seriously, this sounds like the most made up thing. Since when do husband’s say “we have to invite the wife too” seriously. If dudes want to hang out, why does the other husband’s wife HAVE to be invited? Is she really that lonely? She doesn’t have friends or things to do? Or is she just that insecure in her marriage? I mean, it’s one thing if you’re all friends and all usually hang out together but even then… To say “it would be unfair to invite him to help me work and not invite her.” Like what?
I’d be pissed if my husband did that! Our plans are made together. No surprises and I don’t babysit Your friends wives!
It’s your living space, too and I would feel very hurt and disrespected if I wasn’t asked. Like some of the other comments, I wouldn’t let this become a huge argument but make it known that you need to be involved when inviting guests.
Man I wish I had friends that came over ):
I think out of respect for both, both parties should always ask each other
Your husband should respect you and your wish to spend time with your child… That’s what real men do…
He should have put yours and his child before himself period…
I mean communication is a great thing to have. I’d be peeved if my husband didn’t let me know people were coming over and they just showed up. But he let you know he invited them. He could’ve definitely ran it by you first. I don’t think it’s anything to get super upset over though.
He can have friends over. He should also take care of the hosting since it was his idea. Just saying. Keep to your plans
I would told my husband o well am spend the day with my daughter an u but i guess u spend ur day with ur friends so have fun. I would get my daughter an walk out the door
The only time my husband and I ask anything is if we are physically leaving the house to go to a friends, am I controlling? No but we have a mutual respect of asking “hey do you care if I go to so and so’s for a few?” Especially on designated cleaning days, we might not know what the other needs or wants done before we leave. My husband usually has the same couple people over a couple days a week and I actually wish they had girlfriends or wives. So they can keep me company while I clean or cook, if they have kids bring them too so they can socialize as well! I understand wanting to spend time with your child and if that’s a issue then take your child out to do something privately and explain that to your husband. He shouldn’t have to ask what he can and can’t do or who he can have over and when in his house.
I’m so glad that neither my bf or myself like ppl so neither of us have to worry about the other inviting ppl over! Plus I hate ppl so even if he did want to invite ppl over he knows better not too
Should have asked you first since he sees how hard you work.
It won’t be all day I’m guessing, so can spend quality time once they leave, playdates are always fun for the kids
You need to talk to him. Yes he’s an adult and it’s his house too, but at the same time y’all are married and need to communicate and take each others feelings into consideration. My husband learned not to just invite people over without talking to me because I will either leave the house completely or I will refuse to acknowledge the company and will spend most of the time in our room if I’m not feeling up to dealing with company. I have severe anxiety, and like to know about things before they happen whenever possible. I also don’t like people being over unless the house is clean (which my husband doesn’t help with, so it’s literally on me to manage 6 kids, work, be hugely pregnant, manage the house, cook, clean, etc., and the house is rarely spotless as a result). I have told him unless he’s going to start helping, he doesn’t get to just invite people over without talking to me or he gets to deal with an overwhelmed, stressed out, pissed off me. It’s embarrassing to me that our house is generally not clean enough that I feel comfortable having company over. Our house isn’t disgusting, but for some odd reason people will make comments about clean laundry on the couch, toys all over etc. and it makes me feel like shit because for some reason it’s always the mom/wife’s responsibility to make sure everything is done. Idk if you feel the same way, but that’s how I personally feel about it. I know it seems harsh, but I don’t bust my ass just to get put down for not having everything 100% done 100% of the time. I don’t just invite people over without talking to my husband first either though.
I get it I REALLY DO. Maybe you can do something laid back? Movie? Maybe even a little mini spa day type thing so that you can still spend time with your baby!! While it’s his house too he should volunteer you to entertain!!
Lillian Barton OMG. What century are you living in?? I’m sorry but the husband is totally inconsiderate of his wife and that is wrong
He should have mentioned what he planned on doing, and u should have mentioned to leave inviting the wife and kids over. Problem solved.
It’s called respect. My husband always asks/tells me so and so is coming over and I do the same for him. He will make sure I am ok with it before he allows them to come over.
Did you ask him plans for today? I’d be upset my plans were ruined, but it’d be a lesson to me about communicating my needs to my husband. He maybe thought he was doing you a kindness having your friend over on your day off.
Is your husband five? Since when does he have to have the queens permission
Let your husband entertain them. Go and do your plans
I would send his friends wife with them, and spend time with my daughter🤷🏻♀️. He invited them over, not you. Not your problem.
Take daughter and visit your mum
I don’t understand some of these responses “it’s his home too” ok? And? That doesn’t suddenly equate that he can do whatever the fuck he wants when it’s also her home? It’s called respect to talk to your partner about something that involves them ahead of time.
Why is it that if one half of a couple is invited the other must be too?
Sometimes they can be apart believe it or not especially if the boys are helping each other with a project not just hanging out.
It’s not obliged if one comes the other follows.
Maybe he could have just invited the friend to come and let you have your time with the child.
I wouldn’t be overly pissed about it but that’s always an option maybe ask him next time to only invite who he will be hosting himself.
That would piss me off … in sorry I know it’s both your house but when I have housecleaning to do I don’t want anyone in my way. Also to be working two weeks straight and wanting to spend time doing what you want is not wrong he could have just invited his friend over it’s not up to him to have you entertain company … I would just talk to him let him know that although it’s his hone too that he could have seen what your plans/ intentions for your day off were ?
I would be pissed if my husband volunteered me to spend time with his friends wife. He can hang with his friend but I will do my own thing if I want to.
Take your daughter out to do something. Leave before the people get there. Spend the day with her away from the house.
If it were just his buddy I would say he has every right but he basically scheduled you a play date without your permission and that’s not cool ever, let alone your only day off in forever.
You both share a house. Just sayin
You have every right to be upset… but it’s a done deal. BUT you need to tell your hubs not to invite people over without discussing it with you first.
I’d be getting my daughter organised and leaving before they turned up, letting him be the host to the wife and the kids and the lot, he invited them, that’s on him, you have plans. You have worked for 2 weeks straight if you organised something for your husband after he had worked those hours how happy would he be? Just do your own thing…
Inconsiderate of him
Yeah I’d take my kid and leave for the day. Make him entertain the wife and do his project and see how he likes it. You stuck to your plan momma. Take that girl to get some food, go for a walk, girls day it up!
Is he your partner or your child?
You BOTH should have communicated with each other on what was happening on your day off.
Be humble, gracious and suck it up. It’s one day and you are over reacting. Maybe it will be fun. Let him know your plans next time so you cant blame him for ruining your day.
Be happy he didnt invite ppl over only to change plans and not invite you. It happens
Its a matter of respect to check in with each other and ask if its ok to have people over. I know right now myself being nine months pregnant do not want visitors right now. But if it is something important my husband will ask if it’s ok to have people over so that means a lot being considerate of me.
While he should have asked you ahead of time if you are ok with the wife coming over, at least he told you about it before it happened. You still have time to talk to him. Just tell him that you planned on spending that day cleaning and spending time with your daughter. Explain that you are upset he did not talk to you before inviting them both over and ask him to communicate better in the future. Also, apologize for not communicating your plans for the day so that he would know how you wanted to spend the day. You both need to communicate better.
Yes, your tired you want to rest and spend time with your daughter. And like you said catch up with the cleaning. Having people over is just going to make more mess, which I’m assuming he probably won’t help because if he did you wouldn’t have to catch up with the cleaning. So yes upsetting.
No, you are not wrong. Tell him to never make plans without consulting you first. You can give him a choice, he can either
A. Cancel plans with his buddy
B. Take it elsewhere.
C. Spend time with his family like he’s supposed to.
If he chooses anything but option C, he chose the wrong answer.
Tell him he needs to re-evaluate his priorities and that you aren’t there to entertain him and his friends. Your first priority is your daughter and he should have already known this.
I would be upset as well, communication needs to happen. I tell my husband if I plan to have people over and he does the same, both of us live here. The only thing I’ve ever asked is that he doesn’t invite people on my behalf without letting me know because I may have plans or something I would rather do instead. My husband respects that I’m my own person as well and just like he works hard and deserves his time, I deserve mine.
Tell him you have plans with your daughter and he can have his friend over. Maybe take her to lunch and ice cream or a walk. The catching up on housework is just gonna have to wait. Unless the hubby can pitch in and help this week…
The wife should understand. She has kids, she gets it and would probably be upset too.
Maybe you can just ask him to run it by you next time. With everything going on right now, family first!
Just an FYI I’d be mad as hell and after my say no one would be coming over, probably ever again…
I would tell him good luck with that, me and my child will be leaving that am and will not be returning until that night, I would leave early am, spend the day doing fun things with my child, get home about 10 or 11 pm,
This is disrespectful in every way, even if you hadn’t been working or had plans with you daughter, he just can’t do that. I guess do the best you can at this point, but make it clear, this will not happen again.
So, your husband has to ask your permission to invite people over? Do you hear how awful that sounds? Your husband has every right to invite people to his home, just as you do. It’s your husband’s family/home just as much as it’s yours. If you have an issue with it, enjoy the time with friends first and then discuss it with him afterwards, but don’t make the gathering awkward just because you feel slighted- that isn’t how families work together.
I’d tell him he can rectify the situation by telling his friend “oops, I talked out of my ass and didn’t discuss this with my wife first and she has other plans and can’t entertain your wife and kids . We will have to pick another time to do a family visit, but it’ll have to just be us this time “
sorry, but lol. I am afraid I would have no qualms about telling the mother that I have had minimal time lately w my kids so I am going to play with them and she is welcome to join me. I would then proceed to join the kids for some fun (and yes I really have been this rude before).
No your not wrong he should of asked you first that’s disrespectful I would talk to him n say exactly what you told us n he should if asked you first
I’d let him know how disrespectful this is, before his friend arrives. Then I guess I’d try to make the best of it. But next time he’s had a tough week…PAYBACKS a Bi#@H…
Should take into consideration you’ve worked and need down time. Married 36 yrs now. We asked each other before plans are made. If one says"naww" then no worries, another time
No you are perfectly right. He shouldn’t have been so insensitive and-should have asked you first. I would be upset also. You can also take your daughter and have a day to yourself out.
Absolutely not. He definitely should have asked or at least ran it by you first!!
No he should have told u ahead of time so u could make other plans if needed
I totally feel ya! I would be pissed
I would be mad. I would not be good company and tell DH to entertain his guest me and daughter have plans.
You have every right to be upset, communicate that to your husband! He should owe you some one in one time!
Well he really shouldn’t be inviting people over during the pandemic just a thought but I think u should carry on with your plans he should have discussed it with you as a couple so u both could decide before he invited them
Common courtesy applies on both sides.
So just go out with your kid dont see why be mad let him entertain the guest
Id be pissed and hed know just how much I was he’d cancel
It’s his house to I’m not going to tell my husband who he can and cant have over theres been times where I’ve invited ppl over without asking him and him doing the same just bc he invited someone over dont mean you still cant go do what you wanna do with your kid unless your just one of those women who has to be up there husbands butt all the time I can understand your tired and wanna spend time with your daughter but nothing is stopping you from doing that take her out to the movies or to lunch or something your husband can have his friend over and you can go spend time with your daughter who says you have to stay home while the friend is over just my opinion
You Need to Take your Little One & go out.
Tell your Hubby,
“Okeedokie. But weR going out.”
Kiss him goodbye & Quickly Leave.
Take Ur Baby out to have Fun till she Conks out. Don’t go Back Home till Like 10pm.
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It is OK for you to be upset. Need to set up rules long before event can happen. My husband would never, ever bring anyone into our home without letting me know, and vice versa. We were married 48 years before he died. Next Sunday would have been our 50th Anniversary. RIP Mr. Bailey.
My husband does this all the time!!!but what I’ve learned is to take a deep breath , and deal with it . It’s not the guest fault . When I explain , sorry didn’t know you were coming and explain my husband didn’t communicate, I usually find the guest understand and try to help out and make it more comfortable.
Your kid might enjoy playing with other kids and her own toys if she has been at grandma’s for 10 days. Enjoy her fun. Make her and the kids a special snack. When the days done let him help with the house work and explain how it made you feel. Don’t hold it against him. Men don’t think like women. He maybe thought you would enjoy a relaxed day with friends.