Could you not look to get a job at the weekend he could look after the kids and you could help ease the burden
Just know you’re not alone
Stuff that get out as fast as you can
Do you need help getting out
Don’t walk on egg shells, call him out every time he acts like a asshole. Trust me it works. Also work on getting your green card.
Girl leave. Your treated terrible one day when your kids are bigger that anger will be on them too
Call a dv support service in your area. They will help you leave. It’s verbal and emotional abuse and can escalate to physical at any time.
First are you a citizen? That really matters as to how you go abt getting help . If you are then start documenting this issue and seek a womans abuse origination.
If your not then get out but be care because you may not get custody.
You dont need to live like this .
He CAN control himself…he CHOOSES not too. If he truly could not control himself, he would be screaming, cussing, and yelling at work too. Dont enable him
Flat out stop cooking, cleaning. Just make sure your kids are fed and don’t make him crap if he insists on yelling at you. 2 jobs or not it does not give him the right to be a asshole
You can always do something about it and there’s always options on where to go. Look around for local resources. Do anything you can but please do not stay somewhere you don’t stay safe or are not happy at.
That’s called Domestic Violence. He doesn’t love you and it’s only going to get worse for you and the kids. If your children continue seeing their fathers erratic behavior it will destroy them forever.
File a police report for domestic violence, file an emergency protective order for you and the kids so he cannot be home or anywhere near you and the children.
Him being angry all the time sounds like he can be unpredictable. He might not hurt the children but he will kill you if in a state of rage and given the chance.
Tell the police everything. This is key evidence in gaining full custody of your children and him having supervised visitation because of his violent behavior. Alert authorities now before he ends up killing you or even worse, taking the kids away forever.
Being mean to you in front of your kids is not a good father. You and your kids deserve so much more! I’m not sure of any advice but remember your happiness matters!
He’s a good dad now maybe cos he can control them what happens when they start answering back? Do u really want ur kids growing up thinking this is what a relationship is like? Get out now! There are so many services out there to help! Be strong! Be even braver than u have already been putting up with this and get out now my lovely xx
I was in relationship with a man like that. I couldn’t give up my family and friends all together. If I were you go to meetings with other moms who have issues with their spouses or kids father. The answer is yes you can have friends and yes there is help for you out there. Your NOT alone. If you need some resources reach out to me and I will help you out as much as possible. Your children and yourself has no reason to be living like this. This is not an good example for your children. I give you power of strength and love that you will find the right solution for your children and for yourself. I am also not here to judge you in any means. I just want happiness for your children and you.
A long time ago someone gave me some great advice and it has stuck with me ever since. Because of this one sentence I got accepted into nursing school and am able to stand on my own two feet after years of not being able to. I hope this gives you strength.
“As long as you think you need someone…you always will”.
You have to change your mind set.
First of all, I am so sorry you are being treated this way. It is not your fault. This type of personality seeks vulnerable people who don’t have a support system as a way to have power and control. I am speaking as a professional counselor. Find out if there is a local agency or program for victims of domestic violence. That is what this is, even if he’s not physically hurting you. It is emotional and verbal abuse and is about control for him. It is traumatizing for you and your children to live in this environment. They can help you with plans and resources if you want to leave. If you don’t know of a place like this, seek counseling for yourself through a counselor or social worker. They can help as well, and connect you to resources in your area. Now is a good time to seek counseling because you can do telehealth from home because of the pandemic. Take care.
This is sad. He is using his power to control you. Please don’t settle in this kind of life. You will be miserable. Find the courage to leave him. This is for your mental health, and for the kids as well. I know it is hard. And i feel stupid giving advice but not being able to help at all. Still, find the courage to leave him. Leave before it becomes worse. Prayers for you.
Where do you live? If the person who wrote this sees this, please feel free to message me and I will be your friend❤️ not justifying his actions but working so much is probably pushing him to his limit.
Abuse!I’m going to be blunt. Reread what you wrote and ask yourself, is he really a good father when he is behaving this way, and in front of kids, and treating their mother this way. Its abuse. Abusing you, and abusing the kids. Verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging to the soul as physical abuse. Call shelters for women tell them your situation. See if you can get advice from a lawyer.
First, sit down and have a talk with him He needs a break and not work so much. Is he working to avoid being a father and husband? Is he working 7 days a week because he feels obligated to do so? It’s ok to scrape by to have days off and quality time with family. If he refuses to sit and talk , that’s your answer where he stands. Do the steps to make it work before giving up. Prayers
There are plenty of services available to you out there. Ask around maybe a family counselor If he won’t go then you go. No one should be verbally or physically abused. You are smart, loving caring and a great person. Get help NOW!!!
The above answer is very good. It’s hard to get to the point that you need to but with the attitude to change your mindset is right. Thinking you need someone and always will is true. I can tell you when you get older you will look back and see that you should have had the courage .
I’m sorry but he is NOT a great father. A great father does not abuse their children’s mother.
I bet they would rather live without him than live in a house wrought with violence.
I have been there too. Its all about control. He will pick n pick at U till u have no self confidence left. Please get help. I packed a small bag with two young kids n left went into homeless unit but he found me. But i got moved again. If it wasnt his way then there was big trouble violence to me. But at beginning of leaving is scary but do it for ur own sanity coz kids hear everything n screws them up believe me. Ive never bn happier now took a long time but so worth it.good luck do whats best for kids n U xx
He’s a horrible father if he’s treating the mother this way. Look into battered women’s shelters. Here may not ne physical, yet. But it’s only a matter of time. Please find help. Prayers for you and your babes!
I wish there was a way we could at least know which state you are in so we can better help with resources. I pray that you make a plan and make one quick. That’s not the environment to raise healthy children .
I was married to a very verbally and emotionally abusive man for ten years…he was angry at the world and he took it out on me. Sadly it escalated to physical abuse but the emotional abuse was much harder to recover from. Good luck to you!!
I don’t know what City and State your in but there are some really good Women’s shelters that will take you and your children I would suggest you start looking when he’s away at work. Most of the shelters have job training programs they help you with education. The shelters are all high security so once you get in you are safe. I know the one in our City even helps with daycare for the children. Don’t ever think your stuck because your not. Some shelters will have a waiting list but some don’t they take you on a emergency basis. Your first step is to check shelters in your area. Just take the first step you and your children will be so much better off. There are always choices no one should live the way you do . You deserve more ! Good luck. First step is the hardest.
You don’t need a degree to care for yourself and your kids!! Don’t wait, leave now! He is not going to change, its only going to get worse. Ask yourself this. Do you want your kids to think this is normal and do this to their spouse’s when they are grown and see you as weak or do you want them to see you as a strong woman. One that will show them how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Starting over isn’t easy but you can do it!! Pack a few bags and either stay with someone temporarily or go to a shelter when he leaves for work. If you get a restraining order it will go towards showing the courts that you took the kids to protect them and yourself.
Find a hot line number in your area to talk to someone.
Trust me it hard , if you are not happy with him.
Get out and be your own person never stay where you are not happy and hoping on it will change. Life is short.
You are worth so much more!! Don’t ever let a man beat you down. Words can hurt more than any punch. Although it may be hard try to seek out help from a shelter or counselor until can get on your feet. The damage that he is doing to his children and you is everlasting. He is not a good father if he is verbally abusive. Get out while you can. You only have one life to live and should be happy with no regrets. Hugs mamma.
I was in an abusive relation for 15 years with 3 kids. The abuse went from emotional, mental and verbal, to physical and sexual. He had me convinced that I had no place to go and nobody would ever want a woman and 3 kids. Trying to get away from him was the hardest thing I ever did. I did not have a degree and the only family around was his. I worked 3 jobs while raising 3 boys while constantly looking over my shoulder. So being tired is no excuse. You need to talk to somebody. Police can led you to a woman’s shelter. They are very private and can hopefully push you in the right direction. My father was abusive and then I married someone like him. Please leave before it gets worse. I will be praying for you.
If you have to add a “but” to “he’s a good father”, chances are, he’s not.
I see so many people defending him. But you can be burnt out and still have respect for people. I have 4 children. I don’t get breaks other than after bedtime when I’m exhausted. But even on my most impatient days, I don’t just yell at everyone for every tiny inconvenience. I TRY not to yell at all. (Obviously it happens sometimes. I’m human).
I agree he’s probably burnt out and needs a break. But that doesn’t give him an excuse to be abusive. Think about the example he’s setting for your kids. They will learn that that’s how you treat people when you’re upset.
Also. Seeing and hearing him yelling at you can also be traumatic and can cause some major issues with their mental health as they grow up.
There is help out there for you. Even if you’re not from this country. About 5 years ago I help a friend out of a similar situation. She was from Mexico. I’m not sure where you live but there is help. Message me and I can see what I can do.
He is far from a good father. A good father shows his children’s Mother respect . He may be ok with them now but what happens as they get older ? Get out for your sake and the sake of your kids . Go to a shelter, talk to counselor’s, but please get out .
A good father doesn’t talk to the mother of his children like that. I would talk to him about therapy, if that’s a no then I’d call local shelters in your area, or hud. There are resources for people in your position.
He can do something about it. It seems like he doesn’t care enough to. If he wants to change, he can seek therapy on his own and also marriage counseling with you as a couple. He needs to learn better ways to communicate.
He can’t love his kids that much if he disrespects their mother. Would he speak to his mother or grandmother like that so now you need to say to him he needs to stop or you are leaving. You need to make a stand it won’t get better just worse. Don’t be like me and put up with verbal and physical abuse for 14 years. You need to make a stand and decide what is best for you and your kids. The worse case sernario is he could get physical and really hurts you or the kids or someone complains and you get your kids taken off you because you didn’t keep them safe. It is your decision but you have to think about your kids
Its not a healthy environment for you or your children. Please seek some help and safety for you amd your kids
I feel really sorry for you i was married to a guy who was exactly the same as your husband i no what im on about please leave him now before its to late i had a ten year old & a 3 year old at the time & he tried to kill me infront of my kids & also hit them i just beg you to get the hell away you dont deserve to be treated like that no woman does i eventually took him to court & got justice for my children & myself he got a criminal record now & i divorced him never been happier with my kids i built a new life for us
Take online classes u dont want ur children growing up and thinking that they have to be in a verbal abusive relationship because its a trend. I thank god i never had to go threw that but I’ve seen women go threw it and if u keep thinking u have no where to go or u cant do it u will never leave. U r better than that u have children u can do it. I bet u if he sees u changing ur life anf ur doing what u have to do for u and ur kids he will change and if he doesn’t then i would get out and change my life. God bless u u got this.
I would never advise a woman to leave her spouse but in your case I say leave! Make an exit plan I say for the next 6 months save every dime you can find a shelter in your area an find out what they can do to assist you with housing an child care find yourself a job an use all the resources this country gives a women with kids school,housing,childcare etc…Stand strong as it’s not gonna be easy but anything worth having ever is! The most important thing is to protect your kids so plan don’t do anything without a plan then execute.
I know you probably feel “stuck” but you can become “unstuck little by little” I would recommend to call your local police station non emergency line they will point you in the right direction to where to get help. There are many women going thru what you are thru you are not alone and there are resources that can help you get a job, childcare, a place to live, legal help,etc. I know people can say leave get out and that is easier said than done. Maybe start therapy for yourself that will help you to become stronger person. My advice would be to have a plan than leave.
Get out while you can. Its only a matter of time before he becomes physically violent. Your children’s safety comes first. They don’t need to be exposed to thst type of behavior. Good luck. You can do it!
Seek therapy for your self ask for him to also go . Reach out to domestic abuse shelters . They might be able to show you things that can help you see a way forward . Good luck .
Contact the nearest women’s shelter and ask for their guidance and help to get you and your children relocated away from that abusive man. Please DO NOT say he is a good father…he is most definitely not.
He’s not a happy man and sounds like he’s very verbally abusive and may become physical. You need to seek help asap!!
There are places that can help you girl. Contact a women’s shelter. His behavior is textbook abuse. Save yourself
There are places for women in situations like yours. Call your local department of social services there are shelters for women and children they can help you. I wish you luck.
You need to leave it will only get worse… don’t expose yourself or your children to that type of abuse! There are shelters you and your kids can go to and they will help you!! It may be tough at first but it will get better and you and your children we be happier than you ever could have imagined! Your husband needs help but is likely he never will… you need to be strong and not only do this for your kids but for you… you are a person wonderfully made … a child of God! Run fast my friend get out as quickly as possible and don’t look back… like I said there are programs and they WILL help you! You deserve the best and God can deliver it! Have faith and trust… prayers for you and your kiddos!
You’re showing your children it’s ok for a man to treat a woman this way and that’s not ok…
You could get child support n maybe alimony. If it’s an abusive situation maybe there are local resources to help with housing and help u find a job child care ect.
If you feel like you’re unable to leave right now, the best thing to do is try to get educated w online classes with a career that offers a lot of opportunities for you! Also try and meet ppl around you and ask around for a part time job to get your own income n savings… that’s a start for your freedom! You deserve so much more than him as well as your children they deserve a great loving dad!
You need to take those children and LEAVE! There is help to leave everywhere! This anger and verbal abuse will eventually turn to physical. Been there done that. He may love his children, but he is by no means a “great father”. You didn’t mention if your children are boys or girls, but I want you to know think about something…his behavior, screaming, yelling, anger, your children are living the abuse too. If boys, then he’s teaching them how to treat women, including their mother. And if girls, they will come to believe this is normal behavior to expect from a man, as long as you stay and put up with it.
Not a good environment for anyone. This is one of the reasons I am divorced and am much happier.
A good father doesn’t treat the mother they love this way. You are not clear about what a “good father is” and you’re setting your children to see this as normal behavior. So you want your daughter to be treated the same- violence is just around the corner btw. You want your son to treat his girlfriend in same manner? If no- then you need to stop the cycle ASAP !
Verbally/ emotionally abuse is worst as physical abuse, seek for help for you and your children sake, go find women shelter and they will help you till you get back on your feet again.
A good father would be good to the mother of his children! There is always somewhere to go!
Do you have and good friends you can rely on ? If he is physically abusive consider a restraining order. Hope you can get some help Its a scary situation and it takes so much courage to over come your fear. Prayers for you
There has been a lot of great advice on here. All I will add is you said he’s a “great dad…” but just know that a great dad would never treat the mother of his children like this.
If he does not respect you,your children will not either and will treat you like he does.Not only that but they will grow up thinking thats normal and it will ruin their relationships.It’s a cycle you have to stop
Sounds like hes overwhelmed. My guess is he is working 2 jobs so that you can be a homemaker. Maybe cater to him a bit more. Make sure dinner is done everyday, work clothes washed, clean up right before he gets home. Just some ideas.
He’s not a good father by cursing you especially in front of the kids. There are a lot of programs out there. Talk to someone who won’t tell him. Get the courage to leave because I hate to say it but it will probably get worse!praying for you!
It doesn’t matter if you’re from another country, haven’t worked in so many years or if you don’t have a college degree. You can do anything you set your mind to! Apply for a random job that you think you may not get or is too “good” for you! You never know, you might get it and it could change your life. Also, the other comments are right, check out local resources that maybe able to assist with a job or housing. This is America and despite what is going on in the world, plenty of business would love to hire you!
How is he a good dad if he’s treating you horribly? Whether you have sons or daughters they will likely believe this is an acceptable way for a man to treat a woman. Do whatever you need to give your children a positive environment. Find your nearest women’s shelter, there are programs to assist you with your kids, job placement and housing. You don’t deserve nor should you tolerate his verbal/mental abuse.
Can you see a therapist or counselor? Maybe even over the phone? That may be a good start to help you navigate this… maybe you need to get out of the marriage or maybe there’s hope but talking to someone regularly can help. They can help you get the services you need and the support you deserve …if your children are American born, and your married… you have rights and citizenship. You can and do deserve help. please reach out
Your local.police department or sheriff’s office can help you find a local shelter for women and children. You need to get out, and now.
You should not have to put up with that. If he does not want to get help then I say you seek help for yourself.
There are woman shelters out there that can get you help. Just because you leave him doesn’t mean you still can’t make arrangements to see his kids.
Sweetie he is not a great father or husband… he is great provider… please get help start making plans to get you and your kids to a safe place… look into programs that will train you a career… and see if he will go to therapy…that may save him and his family…there are way too many families being destroyed because adults won’t seek health…God Bless you and your family and I pray your strength in The Lord
Find a domestic violence shelter in your area and GET OUT, your kids will have lasting problems from living like this. Get out for them if mot for yourself. AND PRAY.
My children’s father was like this. It took a lot of help from police, the women’s shelter, and court cases but I got out and you can too. It seems impossible but you can do it. If you need a friend you are welcome to message me, I’d love to help you. Nobody deserves that and your babies dont need to be around this.
A good father respects the mother of his children. If you truly believe you can’t do this on your own, then you never will. Reach out to domestic violence hotlines and seek guidance. My best to you and your family
He’s not a great Dad if he treats their mother so disrespectfully and doesn’t control himself in front of the children with his temper and language. It’s not good for anyone to work 7 days. You need to find someone to help you. Not sure where you live but there is someone who can help
Depending on where this person lives there is community places that can help her get the help she needs to get away from him. Please get some help before it is to late next he will be physically abusive.
That’s called abuse and sadly you won’t leave until your ready. Advice from a “mom thread” isn’t gonna give you the push you need to leave you gotta make that determination on your own.
I’m unsure what ages and sex you’re kids are, but let’s imagine 1 of each.
So a Son growing up listening to and seeing what his father is doing to his mom, can often cause them in later life, to behave in the same to his wife.
You’re daughter couldn’t expect any different from a husband than the her mom got treated, because it would just be normal in her eyes.
Pick yourself and those beautiful kids and get the hell out this house.
You won’t be doing yourself or the kids justice by staying.
He’s a narcissist, he’s not a tired grumpy guy, and he’s definitely not a good dad, by any stretch of the imagination.
You need too leave sweetheart not tomorrow,
You all deserve so much more… keep in touch these virtual friends that really do care, about you and those little cherubs
Get a job and start saving $ so u can find your own place to live, take kids and move out. Make him pay support. Don’t know where u live but there are many states that have housing assistance, go fill out for that asap (usually wait lists) …pray everyday that God makes a way for you and the kids. Noone deserves to live in fear and walk on egg shells and your kids deserve a better way of life not learning this type of behavior. A good dad doesn’t verbally abuse his wife in front of the kids and makes them all anxiety ridden by being violent. Its probably not a good idea for a human to work 2 jobs 7 days a week either that makes anyone aggressive. So it seems there needs to be some changes.
He is not a good father if he can’t respect you in front of your children…find a job and leave…it will be hard but liberating…this is the reason why Women should financially independent …
I was in your shoes. From another country no support four children. No way out. I managed to get a GED . Found help. Went to school and worked. Earned my LVN. Have Faith. Get out for your children.
You can always do something decide plan and do it make a plan keep it to your self hide money if possible you will find a job even if caregiving for children etc it will get worse you deserve more it will be hard am praying for you the outcome in end will be better for you I promise
He’s definitely not being a good role model to your kids bcz when they grow up, they also might start yelling at u as that’s what they’ve seen, please try to find a way to get out of that situation as it’s an extremely toxic relationship
Verbally abuse is not good for the children and you must think of them first. I grew up with a step father who acted the same and it got worse as we had to watch and endure the verbal and physical abuse. Call 211 and ask to talk with a domestic abuse counselor. They are there to help and can put you in a safe place.
Seek a good counselor to see if your marriage can be saved. He can change if he’s willing to put in the work, but as long as you accept his verbal abuse, nothing will change and possibly will get worse. Do you love him and want to save your marriage, or are you staying out of fear for the kids? If you don’t love him, get out. If you love him, only stay if he’s willing to go to counseling and get some help with his anger issues.
Also, if he’s working 2 jobs, could you find a cashier or sales position, even part-time, so he doesn’t have to work so many hours. No one can work 7 days a week without a day off and not have it affect them.
Their are women’s centers that will help you and your children. No one should be treated this way. Best of luck, get help for your sake and your childrens.
He has you where he wants you…join a church, make friends there, you’ll have someone to turn to for help. . make plans to leave, he’s controlling and mentally abusive…this is not good for you or your little ones. If need be seek a shelter.
No, he is a terrible father for treating you that way period. Also, using that bad language in front of them and more than likely towards them. I’d start calling local domestic violence women’s shelters in your area. Make a plan and then I’d take my kids and I’d leave! As for him, he would be alone and be angry! Something has to give. (SN: if my husband EVER yelled at me or got mad because supper was late getting on te table, I’d throw a plate of food right in his face! Then I’d ask him was that late!! Just me though!)
If you have sons, he is teaching them how to treat women. If you have daughters, he is teaching them that this is how to be treated. Leave, for their sake. Ask him to get help, bc he will have rights to see them even if you leave.
Also, if you choose to stay, reach out to mom groups in your area, I am sure that there are plenty of moms who would like to be your friend.
Draw strength from your children and do whats right for them of you have leave and go to shelter its not ideal but you would be safe
Ps. I was in a very similar relationship. But, not kids. Thank God. And I want to remind you…it is not your fault. He most likely treated the people before you the exact same way. And trust me, he will find a new victim after you to be cruel to. I know… happened in my case.
Start looking for an out. The children are witnessing the way he treats you and that’s not good for thier adult lives
I had this problem with my ex husband. It was just like what you are going through. I made excuses and took the blame, till one day it got physical. He put my in ICU for 4 days, not saying this will happen, but it did in my case. There are resources out there for you, and you are never alone.
Start reaching out to local places like groups for the kids or yourself to make friends so you have a support system other than him. From there you can have people to watch the babies while you work and just to show him either be nicer or you’ll figure a way out away from his grouchy ass
You are not alone Research local resources that can help. There usually are homes that will help in this sort of situation.
Everyone is telling her to leave she knows that like she said she’s alone she needs is direction and resources.
Contact a womens shelter and they’ll be able to give you more personalized advice… I’m having a hard time seeing what makes him a good dad as his parenting isnt talked about here… it’s not mentally good for you or your children to go thru that and will cause issues in their own relationships later down the road if not corrected now
He knows that you are depending on him thats why he acts like this with you. He has the power over you. You should find a job and slowly youll make friends and feel strong enough to take over the control. You will have to be very brave and strong, for you and your kids. But you will make it im sure. You can’t stay in a relationship like that. Im here if you want to talk.
There is an organization out there for women in your shoes. Here it’s called Branches. They will take you and the kids out of that situation and help you start a new life. Try them. God bless you
I’m sorry u said he is a great father but I have to open your eyes … disrespecting your child’s mother in front of your child is NOT the definition of a good father . You said he has two jobs and works 7 days a week then he is a good provider but that is it . U need to find a way to take your life back and get out of that marriage . It’s verbal abuse how long until it becomes physical . How long before he turns on your child ?
Verbal abuse is still abuse. The difference is the bruises don’t show. Look up places for abuse. Vera House is a common one. They can help you get out.