My husband is an addict and I am having trust issues: Advice?

My husband is a recovering addict, and I am struggling with trust issues. He lied to my face for years, but he says it was only about drugs. He says that should not make me mistrust him in other areas. I am struggling with trusting him. Thoughts?


I was an addict for 20 years dont trust him until hes got years atleast clean.


Lying is lying. In my opinion it doesn’t matter what is being lied about, if you can’t be honest, you can’t be trusted.


trust is earned i myself had to earn it back 30 years ago. Just because a drug addict stops using there pattern will not change for along time.

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I didn’t have that exact problem, but I struggled with trust issues. That led to fighting. We finally went to counseling and have been 100% better. I definitely recommend counseling

If you can’t trust him money on. You will both be miserable if you stay

Don’t ever trust an addict.

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One lie is enough to make me question everything you say from that point on. You have a right to have these feelings. Trust needs to be earned back and it still won’t ever be the same. Either you can both live with the consequences of his lies or you just move on. That’s honestly all you can do about it.


As a recovering addict myself, all I can say is, people in active addiction will do things they never would if they were sober, it may he hard to trust your s.o but it can be rebuilt with time and effort.


In my opinion if they can lie about the drugs they can lie about anything

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The manipulation is real dont believe the hype

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Drug addicts lie about everything . Do not trust him ! My sober ex still lies over things that he has no reason to lie about !


How do you know an addict is lying?

They’re talking.

Addicts lie. They will always lie in active addiction.

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From my own personal experience with addicts you can’t trust a word they say. They will lie about the smallest irrelevant stuff and obviously if they lie about small stuff they will lie about big stuff.

Maybe couples counseling? So that way you guys can communicate through a professional and you can express your feelings and why you feel that way and maybe if he still has anything pent up from addiction he could get it out as well. Best of luck!

First question. Is he still using? Would he be willing to take random drug tests to gain your trust. It takes one time to break trust and a life time to regain it back. Is he currently seeking counseling or going to a recovery program in or out patient. AA or celebrate recovery? Is he willing to go? If all or any of these are a no you have your answer. When someone is an active user he/she will do the unthinkable. Say things to hurt you. Cry. And do it all again the next day. They believe their own lies even. It’s not an easy road but if you’re willing and he is doing everything in his power to regain your trust again then there shouldn’t be any problems. If he’s not willing there’s the door till he is.

You mention he is a recovering addict, how many years has he been clean?. It’s hard to help and give a answer. Only you know him and I know addict who became clean and never went back and don’t lie. It depends on the person.

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Me and my partner are both recovering drug addicts and crazy enough got sober together. We both lied constantly and cheated on each other when we were using drugs and now that we are sober we were able to forgive each other and make a promise to never put each other in that position again never lie to one another. Getting sober and becoming a better person is definitely a game changer and you’re able to see how much you hurt each other and work through that and build from it.
I would sit him down and explain to him what all he’s done for the last time and then decide if you wanna work through it and see if he’s willing to do whatever he needs to do to make you feel more comfortable. If you want to continue the relationship you’re gonna have to forgive him and learn to trust again and not bring it up all the time. It’s really hard but if the relationship is worth it I believe that you can get through it.

If you love him, let him know that you will hold him to be accountable. Not simply because you don’t trust him, but because you want him to be a better person. A man of integrity. A man of character. S man worthy of your love and time. Partners must put their best foot forward in a relationship, to not only reflect respect for themselves, but for each other. It takes years to rebuild trust. None of us are perfect, and sometimes we do things that we regret. But if the relationship is worth it, you do whatever you need to do to make things right. But it requires both partners making the same effort.

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One lie makes you question everything. He lied about a big thing. He did this to himself. He needs to rebuild the trust with you

I would reccomend couples counseling to work on rebuilding the trust … but really him showing consistency and time is necessary for trust

Just pay attention. Don’t try to catch him in a lie. Like if you know something, don’t ask him about it as if you don’t know the answer trying to catch him in a lie. Trust can be rebuilt but the problem is, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Can people change? Of course they can. Can you fix this? I believe you can. I also have to say from personal experience though that people who tend to lie do it without thinking. It’s a get out of trouble reflex. If they’ll lie about little things, they’ll lie about big things. So pay attention, listen, watch, mouth closed. Just…pay attention. If deception is there, you’ll likely find it. Clues are things like…does he say things that are EXACTLY what you’d want to hear?! If so he’s likely just telling you what you want to hear and not truth . Does what he says seem excessive even if it could also be true? Habitual liars often can’t help themselves…theyre going to embellish a bit. If he truly is ready to leave the past behind and can change because he wants to…well, good luck I hope that’s the case. If he says hes changing for any other reason like for you, or the family…it’s likely just trying to tell you anything he can that will get you to stay. I divorced a habitual liar after giving him 5 extra years to stop it, change, we did counseling, we were church goers, we tried it all. At the end of the 10 year overall journey…he just could not stop lying. It made me wish I’d left sooner, because staying and trying only showed him that he didn’t have to be serious about anything, because I would try harder and give him more chances. And finally I had enough and he had the gall to be angry at me for doing what I’d said I’d do all along. You can’t live with a person who you can’t trust. If you have to evaluate every word that comes out of their mouth…you just can’t live that way forever. Good luck, I hope your situation is different than mine was, I can only of course share from personal experience but that doesn’t mean every situation is the same.

I wouldn’t trust him. Sry.

Do yourself and your whole family and seriously go to Alonon

If that’s his thought process then he isn’t “recovering”. As a recovering addict myself I can honestly say that recovery starts with your thinking and your behaviors and he needs to get to a place where he understands that his using broke the trust you two had. Loving an addict is more difficult than being an addict. Of course your trust is gone.

Go to counseling solo and as a couple

You can’t have a relationship without trust. Time to let him go

As someone having dealt/ dealing with addiction… it’s never just the drugs. Drug addiction doesn’t fly solo… it comes with a squad of partner addictions. Soooooo depending on the drug expect gambling addictions, theft, sex addiction, personality disorders, compulsive lying / cons, and other drug addictions.

I think what you are feeling is natural… loving an addict is not easy. Good luck

Idk there is a shit ton of shady behavior that goes along with drug use… Including cheating… In many forms. Addicts are liars! I used to be one… He’s lying about not lying about more… But he also probably believes those lies

Addicts lie. Try alanon. It’s free. If it doesn’t fit, they will suggest a better fit.

From personal experience, he shouldn’t be trusted in ANY area, especially with money. Part of true recovery, is the addict realizing what they have done, apologize, and to understand that trust has to be earned. It’s not your place to struggle to trust him… it’s his job to earn the trust. In my personal experiences, this attitude is still an addict mindset. He has to prove that he can be trusted. Addiction effects every aspect of an addicts life. Hang in there . I know it’s not easy. And things can, for sure, turn out for the better. A marriage counselor would be great with this in helping your husband understand what his lies and addiction have done to you, to your marriage. Also to address the issue of why he was using behind your back… there is almost always a reason for why someone turns to drugs for an escape. Hugs❤️


Al-anon for sure and couples counseling. I think you and your husband would benefit as addiction affects the whole family and you need to be in recovery as well.


First stay strong beautiful woman. He will always have issues and you will always have trust issues. Make sure you manage the money. Put a safety plan in place. That’s if he relapses you have a place to go. Put a tracker on his phone. So if he disappears for long periods of time you know where to find him… make up a contract with him of what you expect from him. If he’s serious about staying clean and loves you he’ll sign it. Make sure he stays busy. Maybe go back to school to occupy his mind. Addiction is a habit. Find something else to do. You will never ever trust him again no matter how long and well he’s doing. You will always have the thought in the back of your mind. So the question is can you live with that.

I am in exactly this same place. We are presently separated and my husband is in therapy, as am I. He is also attending NA meetings, and is in the process of being admitted into an outpatient drug program. I do not trust him at all, and he knows it. He knows that he must earn my trust. My suggestion to you is to not focus on whether you trust him or whether he thinks you should. Let his focus be on him, and his recovery. He should go to meetings, and you might both benefit from therapy. Please feel free to message me if you would like to talk more. Good luck to you both.


Trusting is earned. Just because he is clean for however long doesn’t automatically reinstate trust. I am in recovery for a few 24/7’s and we are great at manipulating. However, I suggest Al Anon for you and the best way to regain the trust is him going to meetings , having a sponsor and maybe if there are open meetings see if you can go with him? Maybe once in a while? Oh and do not be afraid to voice your fears.

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Couples therapy sounds like a good and much needed start to a healing

Al-anon is a good place for support!


It’ll take time…trust is first given…once lost…it’s earned!! Simple as that

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Don’t trust him in any area. Harsh to say, but true. Has he gotten or is he getting help for this addiction?

In his mind it might be just about drugs, but once trust is lost, it’s difficult to rebuild. It will take a LONG time and he needs to not only understand that, but be ok with that as you two rebuild. Loss of trust again may be IMPOSSIBLE to fix, no matter how long a period between instances. For you, try VERY HARD not to throw it in his face, bring it up, or use it in a disagreement. If he’s trying, let him try. You will likely be wary for a long time, but this isn’t easy for him, either. Change never is.

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That’s the thing about trust…once broken it doesn’t matter what “it was about” for the one doing the breaking. It’s about the fact it’s broken and how that person who had it broken feels. His why means absolutely nothing. It’s broken. What you have to decide is can you come to trust him again or not. If not you will likely end up miserable and leaving eventually.

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Gonna take awhile to trust again

No thoughts but I felt this . Goin threw this myself. Hugs to u

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Try counseling for couples and for yourself also al anon and trust building is slow process