My husband is an alcoholic, and he refuses to get help or stop drinking. We have three kids, and while he is good with kids as far as school pickups, dinner, and running errands when asked, his addiction is driving a wedge between us. He works full-time and at a labor-intensive job, but come the weekend, he is buying 12-15 beers for himself with the sole purpose of getting drunk. We don’t go out anywhere or have anyone over, so it’s not like he could use the excuse that we were at a party and he overindulged a bit. Whenever I try to discuss it, he gets angry and will walk out of the room or shout over me to get me to stop nagging. I’ve threatened divorce, and it doesn’t phase him. I’ve begged him to get treatment, but he feels he can just “cut back.” We have no marriage left, as the years of resentment have just built up. For the record, he hasn’t ever hit me, the kids, or gone to work drunk. But I worry about the impact this is having on the kids.
My kid ended up with a drinking issue too. That is the effect it has. Send him to treatment or packing until he goes to treatment
And go to a aa meeting, they can help you even if not him
Tell him to get help or you are leaving and follow through. Go to a friends/family members house with the kids for a couple of days. Make him see that if he doesn’t change he’s behaviour that you are actually going to leave, your not just saying it. Don’t go to leave while he’s home. Wait till he’s at work, write a note and pack everything the kids with need for a couple of days. Don’t go back till he has actually gone to get help and has proof.
If you re-read this to yourself, you have your answer xoxo
My ex is an alcholholic… We split when my son was 2.5 months old. Best decision ever! My son doesn’t see the stumbling angry arguments! Do not stay for the kids. They need stability…
12-15 beers on the weekend isn’t that bad… Idk maybe it’s just me but I don’t see that as being an alcoholic if he’s only drinking on weekends. My mistake if it’s more than that but maybe that’s his way to unwind after working all week, full time at his labor intensive job…
Question… Does he only drink on the weekends. Or thru the week as also? I feel like if it’s just the weekend’s and he’s not abusive it’s ok. But if it’s all week and hes hiding it. Then there’s a problem.
Leave, it won’t get better.
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My EX-husband was also like this, but that amount of beer then jumped up to a case or more on sat and sun. After 26 years I finally had the courage to divorce him and looking back should of did it years before that. As it is not a way to live.
If he’s unwilling to get help, pack up your kids and go.
You cant call your husband an alcoholic if he has an average of a 6 pack a night on weekends… that’s how a lot of men unwind! My husband usually drinks 28 in a week but I’m not preaching hes an alcoholic because it averages to 4 a night. Maybe you nag too much 
If he is alcoholic, he needs to stop for himself. If he does it for anyone else he will fail. But by all means you dont have to subject the family to it, if he wont even entertain the idea of trying to stop, have your own plan and stick to it.
If he’s an alcoholic he must have alcohol in his system so therefore he would be still intoxicated. Does he drink everyday?
I am in same boat. My so has never been abusing but he drinks way to much and him and alcohol dont go well together anytime I say something he says I’m nagging or calls me a pot head which he is only not smoking because he is on probation
For your children it’s time to leave. This is his problem and he needs to fix it. To stay comes at too of a price for you and your children.
Yah if you’ve said you would leave and he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care about ur marriage. I couldn’t do that heckkk no.
The only thing you have control over are the choices YOU make. If YOU are not happy then do something about it. If YOU have teied communicating and HE CHOOSES not to see the entire picture. Then YOU make the choice in what YOU are willing to put up with in YOUR life. No one else’s opinion matters. The hardest decision you’ll have to make.
I feel your pain. My husband has drank for years and now he is suffering the consequences. Cirrhosis of the liver and it is bad. No matter what you say or do it will not work. It is his choice to stop. There is no stopping. Mine still drinks liquor and knows he is dying. Be patient.
How come Everytime someone on here is griping about their spouse all 98% of you automatically say leave.i get if they are violent and abusive then yes the best choice would be to leave. But on other stuff like this why post?
Talk to your SO and discuss compromising.
What about the vows you take? Does that not mean nothing to anyone anymore? Work out your problems and quit going to social media about your problems. It’s only going to add to the problem. Maybe try to understand and talk to him about the situation. This is between you and your SO. Not you,him, and Facebook.
Nothing you do will or can make a difference. You live with it or leave. They will NOT change unless they’re ready. You can beg, plead and threaten. My husband is too. He is sick though and I just remember my vows.
I did 26 years with my husband. 4 kids, I adored him ! The 12 or so u see are what he wants you to see, hes probably hiding more. I found a stash of empty cans and bottles. My kids were afraid of him, somewhere the dogs. He pulled in and everyone disappeared. I thought if I stand by him hed see it. I thought if I went with him to as meeting he would snap out of it. He went to shut me up. He became verbally abusive to our kids, subtle at first, then blatant. Then he got physical with me…he thanked me for not calling the cops. My son asked why mama has marks on her neck…he got mad, grabbed his clothes and left. That was 2017, Nov. He stays 10 mins away, doesnt call our kids at all. Now he can drink and not be bothered. Note…he closed 4 college funds, 140,000. He didnt pay the bills, me and 4 kids would have had no where to go, no money and no family. Put yourself first or you cannot take the reigns and be stable for your kids. I got him to sign a legal separat,ion agreement so I keep my insurance, I told him I didnt trust his word and if he wanted to try to work things out he should sign, thank god he did. Life is about choices. His choices weren’t a fit for me, he plays the victim, but the kids say they’re so happy he doesnt live here anymore, they run and play like they used to, although they’re older now. They know mama will always put them first because I proved it. I hope this helps, I will say a prayer for you
Idk how to say this nicely do I’ll just say it- most alcoholics never change and trash (TRASH TO OBLIVION) the person closest to them, generally destroying their life and their core person.
That’s you.
If you can, get out. NOW.
You cannot force him to get help. He has to want it. Take it from someone who had an alcoholic parent. Don’t enable him. I hated watching my mom go through what she went through. He eventually got help. But it was when he was ready.
You could attend Al-Non meetings your self maybe to get an incite on how to handle this…maybe when he sees that your the one going to meetings he will get his head out of his ass. Good luck.
Get a good life insurance policy on him.
Please get involved in ALANON it’s a support group for partners of alcoholics Do that first and then decide what you want to do. Addiction is a disease that affect the whole family.
You either keep putting up with it,or pack his bags.
Stop threatening and follow threw with what you say other wise he knows there just empty threats so why change
Don’t threat unless you follow through with it.
Functional alcoholic, you are teaching your children it’s ok. Ask him to leave, can you support you and the children. Hopefully you have been preparing for this.?
12 beers a week. Shit I might be an alcoholic too 
If you don’t follow though the hole I want a divorce if you don’t stop he won’t get. Your kids are now more important than the marriage. Do what you need to for the kids. Have you got to your enough point?
Threatening isn’t gonna work. Leave. If it is salvageable he will try to get help and try to save your marriage. If not then well you freed yourself.
My guy drinks like this almost everyday. Your story sounds very similar to my life.
I drink every second day, after doing kids, drop off pick up dinner, baths, washed to be used and open a store, run it until 4.30 just to do the same routine again with my kids.(hubby cooks too and baths) i deserve a few wind down drinks. I also drink on the weekend. More so on those days but to be honest. If hes working hard providing and helping with the kids…wheres the problem?
If you don’t I don’t see a problem 
he deserves a break he makes the money
Intervention time between the 2 of you. Children DO NOT NEED TO SEE THIS EVERY WEEKEND.
12-15 beers a night? Cause it kinda sounds like the whole weekend, which isn’t a lot…? Or maybe I have a problem. I drank a big bottle of vodka in like 4 days (so a weekend basically)? And it seems like you’re saying he only drinks after work Friday since he’s doing pick ups- would hope you’re not allowing him to pick the kids up if he’s an “alcoholic” who’s plastered drunk
This behavior still impacts your children. Being around someone like that makes them think it’s normal and they miss the cues when getting into relationships. If you do stay, go to alcoholic meetings for teens and spouses. These meetings help loved ones get perspective. Even if leave him, you and your teens should go. It’s important for all of you.
So he’s a good dad that helps out with everything, works hard to provide for his family and he doesn’t deserve to relax on the weekend and drink a 12 pack? WTH is wrong with you? 
He has a problem period.
My mother was an alcoholic my whole life. At 10 years old my dad packed my bags and we left. My dad put up with it for 13 years and realized she was not gonna change or help herself. Do what’s best for YOU and your KIDS. Hope things get better <3
I don’t think he is an alcoholic if he only drinks at weekends
Go to alanon, if you have support groups like that where your from. Families living with alcoholics, there’s no point in threatening anything, this will never work and only make it worse. I’m sorry your going threw this. Alanon groups helped me alot.
If its only on the weekends… why not let him have it? You said hes not abusive to the kids or you while drunk. If thats what he needs after a long week, i dont see an issue. But thats just my opinion, take or leave 
You need a hobby and stop nagging. He works hard, helps with the kids, so what if he wants to have get drunk on the weekends. Go find some friends.
If divorce isnt a wake up call, sign the papers and co parent peacefully. Because at this point that is what you are doing
I’m not a huge drinker but if I wanted to relax on the weekend and have a few beers after working all week I’m way the hell over 21 I’d be pissed
Simple solution. Simply tell him it’s either his drinking or his family. Give him a date to quit and if he does not quit drinking by that date, you will divorce him. Remind him every hour of that deadline. He will get tired of you reminding him.If you did not have kids, of course it would probably be a lot easier. You have no choice. Stop living with a LOSER. ----Good Luck.
I stayed with my exhusband for 13 years and believe it affected my kids.My son blocked his childhood out and my daughter took it the worst now as a adult she she has many issues.Please don’t put your kids through it.
A alcoholic is someone that cannot function daily with out drinking. Sounds like he works all week and has a few on the weekend to relax.
Is this a 12 pack of normal sized beer for the entire weekend? Or is this 12 tall cans or even king cans? Are they 5% or are they 10%. Is he falling over drunk or slightly tipsy? A little more perspective would be appreciated.
Honestly it sounds like he takes care of all his responsibilities and needs this to unwind (although that could change once you answer my previous questions).
If he hasn’t changed when you’ve asked him to it could mean two things, he either needs this, or he simply doesn’t care about separating.
You two have different perspectives about what is acceptable. I understand that. My partner had a serious problem with alcohol in the past, but as a recovered addict I need to unwind with a couple of beers or smoke a little weed before I go to bed or things bottle up and risk exploding. This has driven a wedge between us as well.
What did I do? I don’t have more than a single beer in front of her (usually as she’s going to bed) and I ne,ver smoke unless she’s gone to bed. We have our US time.
How long has he been working “a labor-intensive job?” Seriously, maybe his body is sore or maybe he just feels worn down and wants to relax come the weekends. You sound controlling & naggy.
What you allow…will continue…simply put.
An alcoholic is someone who dosnt want to do anything and spends all their money on alcohol your husband isn’t one sorry … just sounds like your an an unhappy person
Shocking he hasn’t divorced you yet. 
Let him relax sounds like he’s doing his job and yours. 
He doeant have a drinking problem imo, what I do think is that you arnt being given the opportunity to chill out yourself or do something just for yourself cause you have the kids 24.7 and that he wont allow you to communicate with him
I was in the same situation, but over time it became abusive. I called 911, took everything in me. But it saved my life and his… our relationship has never been stronger and he is finally getting sober. Put yourself and your children first, good things will happen.
I can’t so relate, was married to a man who only drank /party with friends on the weekend… great husband, father when not drunk… And I came up with the Slogan. Instinct Asshole just add alcohol … So I went to ala-non… yes I learned alot… unless he’s willing to change… you cannot change him… and yes he’s what they call a functioning alcoholic … my suggestion is if he comes home and drinks give him space but if he’s abusive get out… Sometimes separation is what they need… Yes I left my husband, because he was abusive when drunk and super sorry the next day and not remember what he done to me… promising me the moon and stars… No he never stopped drinking nor changing… yes we still remained friends for our son sake…
Does he beat you and the kids, no? get over it
My question is, why is it okay for a woman to go through let’s say 3 bottles of wine, on the weekend. Friday-Sunday And it be completely ok because she’s had a stressful week raising babies? Some women even have a glass of wine or 2 every single night when the kids are in bed…But when a man goes through 3 packs of beer and works full time, and also looks after the babies… he’s an alcoholic?
I’m not a drinker myself, I don’t particularly enjoy the taste or the feeling so I’m not expert. But could you possibly come to an agreement that he can drink, but with no intentions of getting drunk? Maybe just tipsy?
After a long hard week that’s probably his treat for himself. Atleast he’s at home drinking where you can see him and not out drinking, If you nag him so much about it, he might get frustrated and start drinking elsewhere
He helps with the kids, runs errands, AND works a labor intensive job and he isnt allowed to enjoy himself on the weekends??? Leave hom the hell alone. Poor man probably just needs a break. Smh. He is not an alcoholic. Please look up the definition before you go and accuse anyone of being one. If you complain about this what else do you complain about??? No wonder he needs a drink xD
Leave. Unlike these idiots that don’t understand what it’s like to live with an alcoholic, it’s not ok. He won’t change no matter what you say or do. Just walk away.
Look just sent him to my house he dont want u
I know everyone is probably gonna have a negative comment on this, but here goes: 12 to 15 beers over a weekend isn’t an alcoholic. My step dad drank a 30 pack a day. Yes, 30 beers in 24 hours. He wasn’t abusive but that’s irrelevant. My mom finally left him. He never laid a hand on anyone, never raised a voice, never argued. But who can afford that and who wants to be with someone that’s drunk. Even if he’s the life of the (nonexistent) party drunk. It gets old real fast. My point is, if you don’t want your children to think his behavior is acceptable, then you need to show them it’s unacceptable. Words are empty if you don’t follow thru.
Put steps in place to get out and leave. These comments are disturbing. He doesn’t hit you so get over it? Excuse my French, but f you. Just because it may not Manifest in getting hit yet is absolutely no excuse for bevaiour that doesn’t honor your vows - his namely to honor, and cherish. Your kids are watching and learning how daddies work and unwind, so if you stay, just know that it is very likely they will do the same with their partners. Stand up for yourself. You deserve better. Believe me, it took me years to come to that understanding and it hasn’t been easy with 6 kids and now parenting alone, but in hindsight, I was doing it alone long before I moved out. Trust yourself - - you know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Believe there is more and that you are worthy and deserve it. Pm anytime if you need to vent. I did ultimatums, excused his drinking on a high stress job and lots of work hours but at the end of the day, it didn’t matter and just prolonged things, until it got phy,sical and verbally abusive and I started believing the lies that he told me that the kids would be better off without me alive. Run, sister. Run. And the number of drinks one has is not an indicator of alcoholism. It’s how you metabolize alcohol and what you can literally tolerate, not how many your throwing back in a night or over a weekend.
Theres a fb group called ala non that you might find helpful. People with shared experience
My question is, is he trying to numb himself or block something out?
All these women acting like it’s not a big deal smh!
Leave! Your poor kids having to see him in that state every weekend it’s not healthy at all. And it’s not healthy for your relationship either. Can’t help someone if they won’t help themselves
Not HEALTHY…get out with your kids.
Being the child of an addict, I’d tell you to take your kids and run. But if he can still maintain a job and pick up your kids… it doesn’t sound like his alcoholism is that bad. I was forced to walk over a mile home because my dad forgot me about 40% of my time in school. He stopped attending things, I spent months alone because he was in jail. Luckily for your kids, they have a mama that will protect them. My mom passed away right before my dads alcoholism took a huge turn after a nasty break up. He’s never been the same. I’m just not scared of him anymore and am an adult now. But a broken adult, that’s for sure. But we heal eventually. But your kids won’t need to heal if you get them out of there now.
If its just the weekend you should be thankful, my ex would drink to black out every night, you have 2 options, leave or stay and put up with it
Did he drink before you got together bc if so he never hid who he was. Your just now having an issue with it. He is a good dad a hard worker and drinks. There are other issues it sounds like that are in your marriage not just his drinking fix those. Don’t ask him to change who he was and is bc you all of a sudden don’t like it. He didn’t become and alcoholic Over night.
It does impact your kids. I was in this position. My husband has been in recovery 3 years. I also felt like I didnt have a right to be angry. He works so hard!! But fact is it will only get worse and I love him to much to watch him drink himself to death. My son deserved a better father then that. So we left and gave him a choice. Recovery or divorce. He went to his first AA meeting the next day and hasn’t taken a drink since.
I dont see him bei g an alcoholic as it’s done only on weekends. I buy 2 cases per month for my husband. He is active in the kids an during life, a provider. Is there something you missed out?!
Bruh if hes a labor then your lucky he ain’t blowing down powder on the side shits hard not having a stress relief
This man is not an alcoholic. Period. I mean, if you don’t like what he’s doing that’s on you. Go ahead and leave. But THAT is not an alcoholic.
What is he doing wrong?
Take it from a recovering alcholic he knows he is. I have one as well. Try. Alon
Amen he knows he is so learn how to support him and fix yourself or get out. You can’t fix someone else’s problems you just have to learn how to do the best you can.
An alcoholic is not somebody that just is a weekend drinker I’m sorry but I grew up work an alcoholic dad and if he was he would not be doing everything else so great that you mentioned
Drinking 2 six packs a week doesn’t sound like alcoholism
Leave him give him a wake up call you can section him to a rehab
He won’t stop until he is ready.
You already know in your heart that you need to leave right… I’m an ex addict myself grew up in an alcoholic family … You know you need to leave just do it 
He will not stop, until HE is ready.
You have just explained every other story, I have read in AA Big Book.
I know you are probably thinking if the kids and if you are then go. You don’t need to be around that and it could lead into him becoming violent.
There is nothing you can do or say he has to want to stop drinking on his own believe me I know best wishes 
If your number is left there you just need to leave because if he’s not going to change this he’s good and ready to.
Alanon. Help yourself.
I am sorry you’re going through this, it’s devastating. Please, even though he hasn’t been physically violent, there is so many other ways he is harming you and the kids. You can’t control his actions, and threats don’t work. You have to take action. Please take steps to protect you and the kids. Hopefully he will do the right thing and get help once he sees how serious you are.
He’s a high functioning alcoholic. If you decide to leave please understand that he may very well be perfectly content to live his life without you and continue to drink. Not everyone chooses to stop and get help.
You and the kidds go on a weekend trip. Camping ect only let one person you trust now where you are. Give him a wake up call. But he has to be ready .
You do not leave your husband because he has a problem! There are other ways to work on things! You have a man that is a hard worker, good father and only drinking on weekends, you can work through this! Think of your kids!
Been there. Finally got divorced and my ex is hurt from it but continues to be in denial.
Ok so been there done that! Only with 4 kids. Started the same way. He eventually got real bad and enough was enough. He got violent one night threw a brick through a window, attacked me and I decked him and knocked him out cold. Threw him out and put a restraining order on him. Gave him a choice drink or family. It took him a bit but he chose family after checking himself into a hospital for treatment. It’s been about 10 years now with no drinking.
So he isn’t a bad parent, he’s never been violent towards you or your children, he goes to work and goes sober, and when the weekend comes he likes to enjoy his time off and get drunk? But you don’t want him to so he just shouldn’t enjoy himself although he still handles his responsibilities as an adult and father? You sound controlling, and if you aren’t happy leave because other than you not wanting him to drink I don’t see a problen here.
Run like the wind and don’t look back