m very upset and don’t know if there is a fix to this problem. My husband is jealous of the relationship our kids have with my parents. My parents live with my brothers and are about a 2 minute drive from our house. We were going on a daily basis and my dad and I would take turns cooking dinner for everyone. We see my in-laws every 1-2 weeks on Sundays. They are about a 15 minute drive from us. They don’t come see us at all unless it’s a birthday party for one of our kiddos. My MIL constantly says she misses the kids, yet does nothing to come see them during the week. It’s always us going over there. I never tell my husband no when he suggests going over. Family is very important to me. There are times when we go during the week, which is totally fine with me. The issue we are having is that our youngest baby, 11 months, is completely attached to me. She won’t let anyone over at the in-laws hold her without screaming her head off until they hand her back to me. My husband is very upset about that since my parents hold her without any issues. He says it’s because they see my baby every day. I have been trying to stay home and cook dinner so I don’t have to hear it. Lately he will fight with me so that we don’t go over there. He states I cannot just drop off the kids to run an errand because it is convenient for me. I’m just completely lost. My family helps us so much and I’m so grateful to be able to run to the store without having to take my toddler and baby in. My son is at school so I don’t have to take him. My husband even gets mad when my mom buys the kids stuff. He says she spoils them. Sorry it’s so long and all over the place. Has anyone out there dealt with something like this? Any advice is appreciated.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband is jealous of my parents: Advice?
Sounds like you get an evening at home by yourself while your husband brings all the kids to his parents house!
They are present and are participating with the kids why is that an issue? I live 2mins from my family and we definitely see them more than my in laws… but my family invites us over and asks to come by…the others don’t if he wants a better relationship between his kids and his family he needs to talk to them not you.
I don’t know why he has a problem that your parents help YOU. To me it’s super controlling and narcissistic. My parents help me SO much with my kids it’s unreal. I don’t know what I would do without them. Any man who has a problem with that would not be in my life. I’m all for family time with both sides but if he ever had an issue with it, he would be GONE. Good luck mama.
There’s a lot it sounds like is happening here. He prob wishes his kids and parents have a closer relationship but that’s a two way street.
Separately there’s a difference between enmeshment and being a close family and I think you need to really look at your relationship with your family and see if it’s more than a normal relationship. It sounds like you and your partner need to sit down and figure out some family boundaries for your immediate family (your actual household). If he’s saying the kids are getting spoiled then you need to say hey please stop buying the kids toys constantly. This may be a job for a marriage counselor. If there is enmeshment happening you need to understand that your husbands prob got some feelings that he hasn’t felt safe sharing with you and now he’s just at the end. I also want to point out that if it’s always been you taking the kids to your parents when would his family even have time to visit?!? It sounds like you filled your days with your family. I’d put money on the fact that this is more than just the baby having separation anxiety extended family. I think you and your partner need to take time away from everyone and really focus on making your family unit work or not.
I see both sides,you are use to your family always being there for you and that’s good to a point,but they should only be watching them once in awhile,not just so you can run to the store(take them with you)and cut the apron strings go over every few days.and tell your husband that your family can go to his parents every few days or once a week.
Tell your husband to stop acting like a child and get over it. If he doesn’t like it that your youngest does that then maybe his family needs to put in more of an effort and if not then that’s what’s happens. If he wants someone to blame he can go ahead and blame his family.
As a 13 year long engaged mom of 3 with probably the smallest family ever both sides combined (his and mine), your husband should be beyond grateful not only your children but also him and you have such helpful loving family members putting in the effort or the opportunities you have that are so precious loving memories and strong bonds most of all loved. Not all of us nor our children are so lucky. Be grateful you are blessed.
He’s probably more resentful of the fact that his parents aren’t as involved as they could be, than he is jealous of your parents. He could be lashing out at you, because he feels that it’s partially your fault. His parents could also be voicing their jealousy to him, and he’s reacting to it. Either way, it’s very childish. He, and they need to understand, that they have just as much opportunity to get together as your family does. If they choose not to, than that’s on them. I’d call your in laws and invite them over more often. Or maybe pop in when you’re out running errands. If they repeatedly decline, than explain to him why you’re done reaching out. At least you can say you tried.
Sounds a bit narcissistic… the baby will grow to love the in laws… he should be happy there is so much family support.
What a tool. Both of my parents have died, but my kids were the same way. His parents could have the same relationship if they put in the effort.
If they wanted to, they would.
Tell him to go to counseling, heal, and get over himself.
My gosh it’s a phase and the child will eventually warm up to the other set of grand parents. Your husband needs to be a bit more graceful. I would not take your parents out of their life just because of this. I would call him out about how controlling he’s being by telling you you can’t ask or use your parents help and that taking away the time the children have with their grandparents is selfish. There’s got to be a way to say this without upsetting him because it’s not as bad as it seems but I would not change my relationship with MY parents just because he’s being selfish. Nope. Not at all. The other set of grand parents will get their time with the grand kids in due time. Everyone needs to be patient.
It isn’t fair that he is being this way. It isn’t your fault that your In Laws don’t come to visit more often so that the little one can get to know them. My Family is totally opposite of my Husband’s. I come from a Family that likes hugs & says I love yous,his aren’t that way. I hope things straighten out & that he will accept your relationship with your Family. Have both sides of the Family ever spent a holiday or Birthday or whatever occasion together? They could get to know one another & that may help all involved.
You have a great relationship with your family. With you going on a daily basis to your parents, there is no time for hubby’s family. I suggest that you invite the in-laws to your house or you plan, with them to go to their house at least once a week. They need to feel wanted in your home. If MIL does not work, drop the kids off and go shopping. Or, better yet. ask her to go shopping with you. Work on building a bond!
I know of something similar to this but it is the opposite way. It’s the wife having issues and not the husband but Unfortunately it’s the world we live in these days . Jealousy is a lot of it. I’ll never understand how some people can be , but hope things get better though.
Sounds like he’s projecting his anger with his family into yours.
Don’t avoid your family because of this! Your family is actively choosing your kids, don’t ever give that up💕 especially because your husband’s jealousy.
Personally speaking you need to ignore it.
It doesn’t change and even if you put in the effort it’s not returned.
What you can do is make let’s say
Tuesday nights fixated for mil to come over. She’ll get her very own day and she comes to you. And make him make the arrangements so when they do t show up it’s on him not you!!!
As for leaving the kids with your mom to shop. Do what you need to do. If he was at work and needed someone to do something and you said no he’d still do it and think your nuts right. Well he’s telling you what’s needed and girl he doesn’t know at all. Ignore it.
Next I would have a huge dinner at your house and make everyone come both sides. On a weekend ThT isn’t a holiday so nobody can have other plans.
At the dinner make sure everyone knows they are welcome and appreciated and if nothing comes after that it isn’t on you.
He’s trying to sabotage your relationship with your parents. If he truly wants to keep complaining then tell him to shut up or do something about it by taking all 3 of the kids to his parents house each day and if he’s not willing to do that then he needs to stop complaining about it. The same with his parents they can make an effort if they truly wanted to but they aren’t. So keep going over to your parents place and enjoy that time together.
Wish my family was closer. My children never really knew them. MIK lived with us so it was never a visit. You too need to talk it out. Perhaps giving inlaws the option of babysitting when you run errands? Little one will survive and adjust
be lucky you’re all still friends for the kids sakes…
ild say then u get ur parents over moreto build the bond
He needs to go, he has issues. Your parents wants to be in your kids lives. The inlaws need to bump up their game
Tell him to grow up and be happy yal have help. If he has a problem he needs to take it up with his parents. Don’t let him bully you and your kids into not being with your family. Because he’s being a bully and there’s no place in a relationship for that.
Your husband is a jerk …I think it’s fantastic that you can drop kids off to run errands and the little one don’t fuss about it .the better the relationship is with grandparents the better … invite his parents over for dinner maybe once a week grab take out and bring it over there .stop in to say hi .more often .
I’m so sorry but what ever you do don’t keep your kids away from your parents because if your parents do all this things is because they love your kid. Your mother in law is just pretending to care for them .
Yes, I have! But I absolutely will not deprive my children away from people who actually make an effort to be a part of their lives to run behind people who don’t! Period‼️ He can learn to take his issue up with HIS family about their effort or lack thereof or he can leave!