“Do you know how much happier I would be if I was single”
Just a few of the choice words my husband said to me this morning before going to work. I’m 7 months pregnant and taking care of our 10 month old and 8 year old. I’m lost. I’m sad. I’m lonely and I’m seriously about to lose it. I’m exhausted. and I feel completely worthless.
“Do you know how much happier I would be if I was single”
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband is saying hurtful things
No that is not okay !! Do not let him by with those comments! Stand up for yourself!
I’d tell him to go be single then your not stopping him
Honey, your not worthless, those babies are counting on you. You are their safe place. Don’t let a man make you feel that way. GOD gave you those babies for a reason.
He’s a narcissistic man. I hate to say this but you probably better off alone or tell him exactly how it makes you feel. If he can’t accept it and change then move on
Tell him there the door is… why is he still with you if he’s so unhappy. Hes just making you feel bad.
I’d tell him,then go be single.Youre doing it on your own by the sounds of it anyways.You don’t deserve what he is saying to you.
You’ve heard this a million times and I know it seems impossible but LEAVE. whatever option you have to make that work take it because his words will get worse and his actions will become not so nice either.
Don’t give up on yourself. Please don’t let him talk down to you like your nothing. If I was in that situation I’d grant his wish and leave with the kids leaving nothing but a note Now you can be happy single. He sounds emotionally abusive. Get out asap. This will not be healthy on you nor the kids. Do you want your kids to treat others the way he does you? They see this & will do what’s modeled in front of them.
Change the locks and tell him to go be single then. You’re worth so much more.
Divorce him & don’t look back!
Leave his sorry ass.
Answer his second question and leave him… no way my man would ever say that to me
I know it’s always easier for someone on the outside to say… But please, your kids are hearing and seeing how he treats you. You don’t want your girl to think this is how women should be treated, and you wouldn’t want your boy to think this is how he should treat his wife. Or anyone in between. If you can’t be strong for yourself, be strong for your children. This isn’t ok, even if he’s just in a bad mood and apologizes later. This is never, ever ok. Words do more damage than so many people realize. Damage that cannot begin to be repaired until you’re out of the situation. Good luck, and know that even though I don’t know you, I know your worth is more than what he shows you.
If this is a regular thing & not just because he’s in a bad move I’d get a divorce. I dealt with that crap for 5yrs & even after. You need to move on. He’s literally breaking you.
People will only do what is allowed and tolerated. The more he does it, the worse you feel. So, it is being allowed. It is time to show him you will not allow his behavior by leaving. Sounds like he needs some counseling.
How do y’all get stuff posted on here
Honey you deserve better. Don’t let yourself be treated this way. If he wants single and can put it to you like that then honey he answered your question.
“Well maybe you should hire a daycare, then I can go get a job and leave your ass, single sounds nice!” Tell him something back girl, fight fire with fire and don’t let him trample your emotions. Men don’t know what hit them when they play in the kitchen. I’d say pet him and tell him to play nice but you can only take some much before you have to shut them up with their own words. The best thing you can do for yourself especially pregnant is take care of your mental health. Don’t over think things and find a hobby, don’t do more than you have to with the house and keep focused on the kids like you were single. The transition to “idgf…what he says” will begin to show up in your heart eventually and you can start planning your escape slowly. Or not…and seek counseling to save the marriage.
And men wonder why we snap
I could tell you a million times to leave, but you won’t until your ready, so ask yourself if the verbal abuse is worth it. For the next week, do absolutely nothing except play with your babies. Let him see what doesn’t get done around the house while you’re the hired daycare.
You need to divorce this “man” before he gets what he wants (to destroy your confidence) I guarantee when you leave he will get the fright of his life and he will soon realise what he had. The main thing to do is stay strong for you and your kids.
Girl no. Do not tolerate that disrespect and abuse. Do you have family or friends that you can stay with? If no, have that baby, and plot your escape. Start stashing money.
What you will allow will continue . You deserve so much better
File for custody of kids and the house and file for divorce. Let him go be single. Document all of it, everything and show the abuse in court as well.
Bye bye loser you deserve better than that! BE HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR BABIES
Pack up and go home to your parents for a while. He’ll either see what he’s missing and change his tune, or you’ll realize you’re better off without him and move on.
Man’s perspective here but one man’s “trash” is another man’s treasure. What I mean by that is you can find someone who will treat you right, value you and your children. If this is how he acts then you should leave and he can be lonely, alone, and by himself. No woman should treat a man like that and vice versa. Good luck in your situation and I hope you make some changes in the New Year.
I don’t understand why he doesn’t want the Mother of his children to watch his children. Give him his happiness. Get a lawyer.
Lawyers have to do a certain amount of “pro Bono” a year. You may be that case. Consults are free. If your pregnant and a stay home Mom you would get full custody. Do it. There are jobs you can do at home.
No man that loves you would ever insult you.
He would want to treat you like a Queen.
Sorry your troubled.
He wants you to feel like that so he can have the upper hand. Let him know when he comes home how happy you are. God says love your enemy.
Thank him when he gets home for giving you those beautiful babies. It’s the best of him you’re going to get. If he gets mad, then you’ll know. As long as your feeling bad ,he’s happy. Sorry dear. God bless.
I would have trouble not pointing out that he’d be causing alot less headaches if all he was needed for was signing the child support checks. I mean, if he’s willing to pay someone else, he can just start paying you instead. I bet YOU’D be happier if he was single too.
Respond by handing him divorce papers
Kick his ass to the curb. Been down this road it doesn’t get better
So…get a job and let him HIRE someone for childcare, cleaning, etc.
I did that to my husband.
And when he realized the cost/hassle…
I stayed home peacefully with my babies til they all started school .
I lived this life for 10yrs. You won’t leave until your ready, my guy took me down to nothing, when I looked into a mirror, all I seen was nothing, I was miserable, sad, lonely, angry, bitter and preferred to just close myself off to everyone & quit doing my photography & hiking. I started listening to this country song called I wish you were a better man & blue aien’t your color, those 2 songs along with lauren daigles song enough made me open my eyes to who I was and just what I deserved, it wasn’t easy to walk away from him, it hurt like hell, but let me tell you this, with friends & family on my side, I began to find myself again and enjoy my life. It’s been 4 yrs and I don’t love nor miss him anymore, I’m in a much better place. Listen to those 3 songs and I promise you, that it will awaken the you that has been beat down to nothing. I will post the 3 songs for you. Please know you are enough & you deserve so much better.
I would absolutely be going to an attorney for divorce papers and starting child support. Wish granted Mr! That is not ok and he has already left the relationship mentally with saying things like that. Get out now!
Hogs can eat a human body in 8 mins and teeth dissolve in pine saw dust.
Legit if someone ever tells me they’d be happier single - I’m just going to say “okay bye”
Girl, get your stuff and leave. You do not deserve not need that hurt and negativity in your life. Are you parents still around?
Yes let him see how much child support will be and see that he will be paying more single. Haha men are so ungrateful
I would leave with the kids and spend the holidays with my family, you don’t need that abuse being pregnant and taking care of your other children. Hopefully that will be the wake up call he needs. If anything it will give you the time to think things through.
He’s feeling neglected and hurt that your only priority is the kids. It’s childish and there shouldn’t be any competition between him and his own children, especially with you being pregnant. But emotionally he doesn’t sound very mature. When things are calm and the kids are in bed, ask him what it is that he needs from you and listen. Don’t talk.
If he complains about what you are doing wrong, say no. I asked you what you need/want from me. If he opens up and tells you, hopefully he will. Then you need to calmly and gently talk about what you need from him to help you, so that you can accomplish those things because your goal is to be in a happy marriage working together for that. If he hears you and is willing to do those things then it’s a good sign. If he argues like a child that refuses to do anything on his end then you might need to reconsider what you want.
Take your anger and let it help you do something about it . You could live pretty well off child support, you would be better if he wasn’t in your life . I wish you luck and hope you find the love and appreciation you deserve some day
Until his dumb ass realized how expensive that is
Kind of sounds like you aren’t working? Does he mean you’re only watching the kids and not contributing elsewhere? Work stress? financial stress? Those are some pretty big words to just say without reason
Girl lose it—on him.
Get up and just leave the kids with him and don’t come back the whole day. We’ll see if you “just” watch the kids.
Go book a room, a massage, order your favorite meal and just relax the whole day. Use a card he can’t trace.
And you still breeding with him?
Leave his ass in a corn field in the middle of nowhere so he can figure out he’s ruining his relationship being the douche canoe he is sending positive vibes
Tell him he would also be broke as a hell if he were single having to pay for childcare for 3 kids is no joke
You’d be better off without him. You absolutely do not need that kind of abuse in your life, if he thinks he’d be happier without you then let it be. Hell soon try crawling back. You look after those kids day in day out do everything for them he has no respect at all.
If my husband ever it would be the last. Honestly I’d RIP his lips off. Set your boundaries. Tell him to leave if he wants to be single but he wont tak to you like that again…period. be strong and look hum dead un his face. “You can leave it u want but if u stay you never ralk to me like that again, ever”
It’s only going to get worse, you don’t deserve it and neither do your children. Remember they see what’s happening too, and one day will allow the same in their relationships if they think it’s normal
Stop having kids with him
Pack up , and go. Let him come home to a cold dark home. No dinner , no sounds of his kiddos and woman. Just quiet, and alone. Since that’s what he wants.
Tell him, then leave, I would be happier with a sane f’ing person, all I want is sane , my standards are pretty low, look at you.
Then let him be single. Pack up your kids and go. Theres benefits you can claim to help until you get sorted out
Or suggest he stays home with the kids and let’s you out to work…see how he gets on
Leave him he’s a jerk
This is how my ex was. It took me years to leave because I didn’t think I could. I finally left and I’m so much better off.
This isn’t something new. Stop having babies with him and move on
He is supposed to help take care of his children ask him what his problem is
Your not worthless,you make people He’s a dick and you deserve better
He may need to move on
Hang in there this too will pass
If he actually knew how much work it is taking care of kids while also being pregnant, I promise you he would never say crap like that. I would leave him to figure it out on his own then, or just straight up leave him. Beyond ridiculous he could say that to you.
Honestly its kinda petty. On both parts. 1 he sounds like hed rather be single than deal with all of y’all. 2 theres gotta be more to it than your saying. 3 what are all the facts cause theres always something that leads up to the man saying things like that. 4 why wont you say everything that lead up to him saying that? Your not a saint you did something to piss him off cause unless his just abusive he wouldn’t say that unless provoked. My husband has said some messed up stuff but thats only after I have said it first. Thats why I’m saying theres more to it. Next time tell everything that lead up to him saying that. I’m sorry I wont be supportive until all facts are there. Just cause your mad at him and want women to feel sorry for you doesn’t mean you need to just tell what he did and not you. It takes two. If ya don’t like my honesty then dont post ignorant stuff.
I’d be like “Okay well there’s the door, don’t forget to look out for child support papers in the mail and I’ll see you for court, bye bye.”
So is this new or has he always been this way or has it gotten worse over time? What has happened in his life to make him stressed out? Is he worried about finances? Does he want you to get a job and bring in income if you’re not currently working outside the home? Did something happen at his job to make him scared of losing it? Did y’all plan this pregnancy or is that part of the strain? This will make three kids in rapid succession. Usually when people lash out it’s because they hate something in THEMSELVES, not you. They feel out of control so want to control you and make you feel as bad and worthless as they do. It may have nothing to do with you, you’re just handy to beat up, and they feel like you have to take it as the perceived less powerful family member. If you had a dog, he’d kick the dog.
Write down a schedule of everything you do during the day, you leave him with the list of things to accomplish and the kids and have a fun day elsewhere so he can see how much work it is to “be a daycare service.” BTW, check out that list of diaper changes, laundry, fixing breakfast, lunch, dinner, bottles or breastfeeding, picking up, etc. all while comforting, teaching, entertaining, kissing boo-boos, and see how much you do accomplish Wonder Woman! Also tell him to price out day care services (and after school transportation and care) for four kids, including an infant (many won’t take kids younger than 6 months or charge extra), and don’t forget to add in all the stuff you have to provide including diapers, wipes, food, etc. The amount could be staggering and open his eyes.
If it’s recent, maybe he’s jealous of someone who has a wife with a high income, maybe they are childless and can afford fancy cars or vacations and houses. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but ask him which kids he’d put up for adoption so y’all could have a fancier lifestyle (especially when he’s cuddling one of the littles). When the kids open Christmas presents if you do that, or the next time you’re having fun as a family ask him “Isn’t this better than having an expensive car?” Get him to think longer term. Remind him the children’s love is forever and a car will fall apart in a few years (and like kids, requires expensive maintenance), a fancy vacation is over in a week, and a bigger home is more upkeep often requiring someone to take off work to meet the expensive tradespeople. If the kids are fine and you raise them to be independent, your time caring for them only lasts 20 years out of an 80 year lifespan, and one day they will (hopefully) take care of you in your old age and return the favor—and they’ll have to contend with MUCH bigger and fuller diapers.
The last possibility, and I hope it’s not true, is he is cheating, physically, emotionally, or even just in his imagination. He’s saying hateful things to make you want to leave him, because then he looks less like a bad guy.
Write down your questions for him, give the list to him so he has time to think about it, and set a time to talk (calmly) about what’s going on between you. Say with “us,” not just with him, because that implies it’s all his fault (even if it is) and he’ll be on the defensive. Invite him to give you a list if he wants for you to tackle at another time. Men usually can’t think about more than one thing at a time, so the fewer the questions the better, five at the most. Use lots of “I” statements, like “I feel ____ when you _____. Please _____” Starting a sentence with “You” sounds accusatory (because it is) and puts the other person on the defensive. Mostly ask questions and listen to his answers without interrupting.
If you can’t sit and talk calmly after the kids are in bed, get a sitter and get marriage counseling to sort out your feelings and what’s going on with a pro. A neutral third party can usually cut through the crap faster. Cheaper than an expensive divorce lawyer.
In the meantime, look up info on divorce and services available to you, so if he is intent on divorce you won’t be blindsided.
Also make a doctor’s appointment and get screened for depression. Anticipating a new baby should bring some joy. Then be sure you’re relying on really reliable birth control immediately after the birth. Three kids, soon to be four with three in a row would be overwhelming for anyone. Give yourself an emotional and physical break.
He sounds like a real asshole.
And I’m sure this isn’t something new. So first of all, stop getting pregnant. Babies don’t fix abusive relationships, nor do they keep your partner.
Sounds more like you should just be doing it alone. Stop having kids with a child.
Why do you keep having children with the man who treats you like this???
This isn’t the first time thing this isn’t happening now because you’re on your third child. How do we curb our Man shows you who he is before you even have children with him and you should have known to leave him a long time ago instead of thinking more children we’re going to make the marriage work. Please get the help you need to leave him and find happiness with your children and show them this is not how a man with children treats a woman who is the mother of his children or any woman.
Please get the strength for yourself to take care of your children and be around positive people who will help you.
Girl I’d leave! It’s okay to start over or be single!! It will only get worse with time!
Why would you keep having babies with him
Start recording his abusive remarks, start setting aside funds for a divorce lawyer and then kick his butt to the curb while suing him for custody of the kids and verbal spousal abuse.
If he’d be happier single then let him go!!!
PACK the kids and go file for a divorce and child support…
Ew… tell him to hit the road.
For everyone saying why would she keep having babies with him… why is this a question she’s already 7 months pregnant and maybe he hasn’t always acted like this.
I would tell him then do it. hire that daycare service see how much money he would forge out. Tell him the door is open if you’d be happier single GOODBYE
Make a get away plan. He’s not worth it.
My advice beat his ads since he throws tantrums and talks like a child.
“Prepare quietly” to leave, by getting a Government Aid Agency on your side, contact friends to “prepare” to move belongings, get a Restraining Order and a “safe-house” away from friends, where he will not track you down, bring in the Police when moving, to restrict any abuse of any type, weapons, all put on the Restraining Order. Move with confidence of a better future.
After you move, if there is any “Love in your Heart” and His, write to get him to give-up the booze, go to Alcoholics Anonymous, and prove that he has a good or better Job, away from the stress, and can provide a better Marriage. If the light has gone out in your Marriage, then it’s a “Dear John Letter”, filing for non-contact irreversible inconsolable differences leading to divorce, and go get a future.
If applying for a Job, add into your CV about your new start, and it might work in your favour.
If you would like to get Jesus Christ on your side too, and really get to know Him, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints stands ready and willing, to help you change, and get a Testimony of Him, “as God”.
Tell him to hire daycare go to work save up and LEAVE
Do that mfkr a favor and leave his ass high and dry. Its hard but its worth it in the long run
I agree with stop having babies with him and look for a way out. This is emotional abuse. There are men out here that wouldn’t treat you like that.
Lose the husband you will feel much better. What a piece of crap. How a man treats you during pregnancy is one of the biggest ways to see how much he respects and cares for you and if he’s saying that kinda stuff now it will only get worse. Tell him to change his attitude or you want a divorce
I’d tell him to go ahead then and HIRE a daycare service or babysitter. Use his money. They have safe jobs to do while pregnant. Use that money to save up and leave It’ll also make his ungrateful self realize how much cheaper it is just for you to be a SAHM. Some don’t realize just how exhausting it is.
Agree with Kaila Sosa above . Buh bye boo
Go on ur own path he wont treat the next one lije that your better off going it alone
Eww. You deserve better. Make a game plan to leave and for now just let it go in one ear and out the other until your ducks are in a row! You are worth wayyy more!!!
That’s abuse. I’d be done.
Leave with no warning at all u deserve better
Also, find your backbone and tell him off when he talks to you that way. It’s hard when you’ve been worn down and have pregnancy hormones everywhere, but find your inner badass. Don’t just lie down and take it. Tell him to take it back and stop talking to you in such a disrespectful way. If he has something to say he can say or ask nicely like an adult. This can be a game changer and make him think twice before he opens his yap.
Sounds like your husband is the worthless one, not you xxx
Hes fucking worthless. Please leave it’ll never change
I don’t believe leaving is the first answer. Try to find out what is going on with him. Is this a pattern? This is a form of emotional/verbal abuse. But, try to find out the reason for his behavior. Ask him to have a conversation with you.
first of all he shouldn’t be saying things like this if he truly is happy and loves you. Sounds like you really should Consider what he’s saying and leave him. Let him get what he wants and see how he feels. And lastly no more babies. Clearly he doesn’t appreciate all you do already so why create more. Children shouldn’t be seeing/ hearing this from Either parent. It can effect them
Greatly down the road.
My husband filed for a divorce and changed his mind after almost 3 years into it!
HIM: Well, it’s just a $110,000 mistake.
ME: Awe NO. That was your mistake!
Getting the date with the Divorce Judge that he already lied to.
Do him a favor and hand him over them divorce papers… what a canoe