Married, we have three young boys. Although he is not a bad person, he is a terrible friend to me. What can I do? I have no solid reason to leave him and destroy what we’ve built, but I’m also not a happy wife. I want to do the responsible and mature thing. Advice?
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Communication is the key! Let him know how your feeling… give him a opportunity to fix it
Then if he doesn’t reassess
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You don’t have to stay just because it’s not bad. You deserve to be happy and if you have tried and your not then you have every right to consider leaving.
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If you’re not happy then it is bad
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I’m a wee bit lost.
You have built a solid foundation and relationship with this man, and yet you mention the overall idea of leaving him simply because he isn’t your ‘friend’?
Sit down and talk with him. Voice yourself. He may not see what you see and think to be a friend toward you, as well as a husband. He can’t read your mind.
So long as he hasn’t cheated or abused you, things can be fixed. This is a smaller issue that can be worked on.
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I say it’s worth fixing. Other than cases of any kind of abuse I think relationships are worth fixing
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You have children together he doesn’t abuse you then you absolutely 
need to figure something out with him this is tiny issue that I’m sure can be fixed men cannot read minds
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Counseling. This is fixable for sure.
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Hes your husband why does he have to he your “friend” bit odd… a friend is someone you leave & a husband is someone you go home to, would you class all your male friends as husbands? No…
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If you wanted a friend you should have stayed single.
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I think what she’s saying is that she doesn’t want to leave she just isn’t feeling like he is treating her like he does his guy friends. Like the hanging out, joking around, laughing, stuff like that. Counseling would be a good start. My fiancé and I are in it together and it’s been helping because we have the same issue! It’s almost like a routine going through the motions instead of a day by day
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I say marry your best friend. Just because it’s your husband- that doesn’t mean it’s just that box he should be in. You should be with someone who is a friend as well. Some of these comments have me concerned for these people.
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Marriage keeps you together til you fall in love again.
Work on yourself, be joyful (not the same as happy), communicate, invite him to work on himself too.
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Y’all are savages on here, though I agree I would talk it out first. Come to an agreement and work on things. Maybe y’all need a date night. Don’t give up yet, fight for the good fight. Could be just a season y’all are going through 
much love
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Keep in mind that your husband cannot read your mind he doesn’t automatically know what you need from him, let him know you need him to be in a good mindset to have a conversation with you at some point in the day (with having kids I’ve found this is huge!) he isn’t ever going to meet the needs like a girlfriend would we need to have those too! But make sure your communicating clearly with him!
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Has he always been like this or has something changed?
Worth working on!! Don’t give up!
That’s incredibly unfortunate, staying in an unhappy marriage is not healthy for your children. They need a happy mom to raise them. You have to communicate if you want to try and save your marriage but do not feel like you have to stay for the sake of losing what you built, life is too short for that shit.
You have to say, to him.
You can’t have a solid foundation without friendship. That is a roommate. Do you need more date nights? Councelling? A real deep honest talk about your feelings? If he’s a good guy, try to work it out.
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This scares me. The comments and perceptions on marriage. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with my husband if he wasn’t my friend. It would seem like an arrangement or something.
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More info?? You’ve peaked my curiosity! How did y’all meet? We’re y’all friendly then? What does he think his roles is in the marriage? Do y’all hang out at all? Talk? Watch movies? So many questions! But anyway;
Communication is key and honesty is the best policy. Calmly and rationally ask him what he wants or expects out of y’all’s relationship. What does it mean to him, and go from there.
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Ask him to make time for you guys! Date nights and things like that. Enjoy each others company without anyone else or electronics. Sit by a fire and cuddle and talk, joke, laugh and giggle. Communicate with him. He is supposed to be your best friend. My fiance has been my best friend for almost 11 years and we have been there for each other through so much! If you have a good life just talk to him and try to work it out. No marriage is perfect but you at least need your best friend to Make it work
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Talk to him, instead of asking people on fb…
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My wife and i are into our 11th year of marriage. She always has been and continues to be my absolute best friend. It is Not too much to ask for. You (and you means anyone reading this) deserve the entire package. If you havent found it and wanna tough it out thats youre prerogative. But i promise you it exists
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What do you mean he isn’t your friend??
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Not one person in this world deserves to be unhappy
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Think about what you want from him, what you want him to do, and write it down. Sit and tell him he could make you so much happier if he could just do some of (your list). Guys like to be the hero and fix things, and are much better when you give them straightforward, clear instructions, the more detailed the better.
Of course now he gets to think about what he’d like from you and then present you with his list!
You may not get everything you want, but as long as you keep moving forward it’s good! Also, don’t expect your husband to fulfill all your needs. Have girlfriends to talk to, coworkers and neighbors to discuss current events, etc., etc.
Schedule some normal date nights (dinner, drinks. movie, music), but also something new you haven’t done: indoor rock climbing, learn the tango, take a Spanish class together, bike ride someplace new, see a play or dance concert a little out of your comfort zone, then discuss what you each thought of it. Try a new position or a new place to have sex besides your bed, or dress up or role play, use toys or fun lube. No spark? Light a match!
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For about 2 hours a night my other half and I sit together outside, and most nights we are sharing things we have heard, learned with each other. Could be an article about science or something that can help the family work together on. Sometimes it’s just a new song. We don’t get frustrated about the nights we don’t have anything to say we just say love you and enjoying the time we have together just to relax. It’s part of getting to know the new us cause we are changing every day.
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If $$ is tight, take an online class or watch a You Tube video to learn something new. Go to a community theater or high school play. Check out the Science Fair winning entries, go to a local art show at the community center, college or high school. Rent a movie or watch one on TV in a genre you don’t usually watch, or at least not together. Teach each other what you know about cars, cooking, maintenance, sewing—whatever your talents are. Try new recipes together and try new restaurant cuisines. Learn a new Board game, play Twister (clothes optional), go geocaching.
If things turn out awful you have a funny story to share!
Read the same book and discuss at intervals. Join a book club together. Online discussions are fine during the pandemic.
The more new experiences you share, the more you’ll have to talk about, the more interesting you will be to each other, and the more fun you’ll have. Leave each other notes in secret places to find. Surprise each other with candy bars, cookies or flowers from the grocery store. Give unexpected kisses. Give as good as you get but don’t keep score.
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I would be honest and have a serious conversation. Holding stuff in and not saying anything will not help.
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From the small amount of details in your post I would say this is something that can be fixed. Time and communication is all it would take.
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Hi…im sorry ur going through that. Please if u would like to speak with someone, i know a person who is generally willing to help.
That is a deal breaker for me. You have to decide what you are ok with and what you aren’t.
My dear, in most of the marriages husbands are failed to play the role of a friend.
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… maybe talk to him?
I’d talk to him. Explain that you need to build a friendship. Start with a date night or play some video games.
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Talk to him and communicate how you feel and work through and grow. You might be surprised he may have some of tje same feelings
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Communication is the key.
You’re happiness should be the most important thing in your life. only stay in the relationship if it becomes a source of joy. All the best
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Tell him. Talk to him about how u feel. And how is he not a friend…?
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word it right hes a terrible husband not friend because if I looked at my husband as a friend why would I care what he does…
You must have had a friendship at some point, cause I can’t imagine marrying someone that I’m not friendly with. Maybe you should talk to him and discuss the things you are not getting from the marriage
“Not a happy wife” is definitely a solid reason to leave!