Is it just me as a stay at home mother who does everything in this house, and he goes to work and pays the bills. I’m not complaining about that because I’m very, very grateful for it. I cook, clean, and take care of kids every single day—a two-year-old and a three-month-old. I am breastfeeding. This baby feeds every 3 to 4 hours. So, here is the scenario… As I am cleaning our home, today I try to bring up some ideas about our kitchen that we, unfortunately, have to renovate because we had a fire a few months ago. (So, of course, it’s going to be messy and unorganized) He just put a new window in over the weekend, and there are things shoved into the other side of the kitchen on the countertop. I understand his frustration, but he’s blaming it all on me and telling me that I need to clean it because it’s all of my stuff. (which clearly isn’t true, but I won’t go there) I told him we live in our home, I do my best being the fact that I am with our children literally all day every day, and to understand that. He went to a friend’s house who has it made better than us apparently, so I am not sure if that’s where this had come from, but I can not handle this childish repetitive behavior. Speaking of childish, he tries to talk to me like a am one. So now I’ve sat here all day thinking about how “dirty” my home is. Trying to remind myself to give myself grace bc I have now two littles, two huge dogs who I vacuum after daily, and I am doing a good job. Can someone talk to me because I refuse to talk to my family about anything because the second I do that’s also a problem.
If my husband at the time came home and said that I’d tell him I’ll go to work for you tomorrow so you’ll have to grow bookies with milk and run after a lil one see how well your days go and chuck he lazy ass on the sofa for a night ungrateful
I feel bad your husband needs to cut you a break. It isn’t easy raising.children and taking care of everything else.
You’re doing your best if he’s that concerned let him pick up a broom or wash a dish… better yet tend to the kids do you can focus on the house… Having a difficult partner is no fun, been there and going through a separation. I don’t know you but I hope you’re not doubting yourself! Dont lose yourself over little things like cleaning 
I agree u shouldn’t go to family with issues. That only creates huge issues. I would remind him that taking care of the children is a job and that shouldn’t mean that he can’t help out with the daily chores. Chores are just that chores and both parties should help out.
Try an trade places for a day, on a weekend. Leave kids with him, be gone for 8-10 hours. (Of course pump the milk beforehand if you can). He will soon change the tune of his mood, other then that. Just keep doing what ur doing the best you can. An if he can’t handle that, then do what’s best for your mental health.
Try to get to the root of the real problem. Also, this is a big red flag to me. I hope everything works out you you.
Sounds like my previous life . All the best
Pump before you leave, leave him a list of things that need done around the house before you leave (make it extra messy) and tell him you’d appreciate everything done before you get home… Get in the car… and leave him to do it all with the kids on a Saturday. Tell him if its so easy… to do it himself (install nanny cam to make sure he doesn’t call someone to babysit for help) and go to iHop, get a waffle, and wait for the nail place to open.
Trade places with him for a couple of days so he can see how hard it is.
I agree with trading places for a day. It isn’t easy especially having a baby who is breast fed. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding the kids, changing diapers and running errands(grocery shopping, paying bills). It’s hard work and some men don’t understand, they think we just sit around all day. Little do they know us moms don’t get breaks and our job isn’t just 8/10 hr day and we can call it quits. Its 24/7. You’re doing an amazing job by doing the best you can and he needs to appreciate you as much as you appreciate him for his hard work for providing!
Is he is not happy with how the house looks than he should clean it himself.
Honey as soon as you can afford (When the little one gets about a year)to please try and seek employment. It might be a little hard in this climate but please do.
Providing money is not all .As you rightly said it is YOUR home so he needs to put in his effort. You are not a baby making slave. A two year old is a hand full further more the younger child.
See if you can have time for a candid conversation. That is not good enough. You need rest too. You can confide in a family member you are not a prisoner. You have to speak to someone or your mental health will decline.Stop worrying about clean house.At least you have one the fire could have taken it all.
Your husband needs to be put in check. You have a newborn and your breastfeeding!! They’re his kids too. He can take over when he gets home so you can get a few things done. Just because he works doesn’t mean he gets a pass taking care of his kids every day.
I have been where you are Sweetie!! Just Remember You Are and Do Good Enough!!! Being a stay at home parent and homemaker/spouse is tough work!!! If you just need an understanding ear you can DM me!!
Get a new husband, yours sounds defective 
. You’re doing a great job if its your responsibility to care for 6 people and a home with no help.
Maybe he wishes he never had kids altogether. You know people give this false narrative of the perfect family etc when in reality kids make things hectic. He appears irritated and looks like it is only a matter of time before he walks away. At this time you just need to find your peace.
You are doing an amazing job. Having a full time job is hard but also been with 2 young children and having a house to clean all day is a job. You do one room then it is trashed, you’re constantly washing up dishes etc. You both need to appreciate what you do for your relationship and family. I hope he can see what you do. Xx
A word of of my thought… If your husband ever complains and you feel unappreciated… Just 4 2 days max, disappear. Just walk out 10 min before he comes home. Leave the kids fed and asleep and watch from a distance. See if he can cope with what you go through each day.
Get rid of the dog’s ?!!! 
Well give him 24 hours alone with kids n ask him please do an example for me ALONE WITH KIDS ;”) I’m sure he will see how your day n nite goes!!
Sorry but I’d be telling him where to go and how to get there! He clearly has no clue what you do on a daily basis and sounds like he has no desire to or doesn’t seem to care. He needs a wake up call! I’d be telling him if he doesn’t like something to clean it up himself 
. Ur his wife not his mommy. Guaranteed you’d run circles around his ungrateful ass as to what you do in a day. Your job is 24/7 Set him straight or go away for a weekend leaving him home with the kids and give him a taste of his own medicine 
. No way should you made to feel like that and wouldn’t allow him to do so one second longer. Be strong and put ur foot down. You got this 
Does he think it’s 1945?
Need to sit back and actually do nothing for a day or 2 and if he says anything about it looking a mess just say well you didn’t care for the way that it was being cleaned before so you’re trying a new way of cleaning . Lord knows my husband would learn quick how to clean and care for the kids for I would leave for the weekend and see how he does.
Start one room at a time, get organized, all extra stuff put in tote and put in basement, garage, closet or extra room. Go to next room and repeat, unclutter things, put things away, if you have kids, toys go in their rooms…it is a very stressful time of year, with pandemic it makes it worse, if you are home all day, take a day at a time and a room per day, pretty soon you’ll have everything organized and a happy hubby. THEN, if he throws a temper tantrum at you, then treat him like the child he is acting! Its ok if you dont have money, you dont need to be messy or have a dirty home. You can clean with just plain ole water if you have too. Good luck!
I do both . I’m the one complaining the house is mess …
Donate unwanted/unused items…get started!
Kick him in the balls. Hard.
Omg, I’d kick my husband in the balls for that. How unappreciative. He sounds very controlling
Try to keep the kids on a schedule which gives you time to clean.
Chuck him out then … bet that’s halves ur work load
so first of all does he clean up everything behind his self? or are you cleaning up behind him as well?
if you’re cleaning his stuff behind him, I’d stop for a while. stop putting his clothes away. stop doing everything you do for him personally.
i used to wash, dry, fold, and PUT AWAY my SO clothes until he bit*hed his way outta that. i always used to make his lunch everyday. every single day until he didn’t bring home all of my divided bowls, and when we moved to our current house, i stopped making lunches also.
… be ungrateful. i can lessen my chores … now, if he asked me to put away his clothes and he stopped his complaining, id start baxk. and if he returned his lunchbox, I’d make lunches again
nobody realizes what you do until you stop doing it & sometimes, thats exactly what it takes.
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”
She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”
“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”
Hire a cleaner - best thing I ever did.
Sounds like he might be unhappy about something else. Id ask what the real issue is. But if he really feels that way dont clean for a week. He thinks it should be better w out being appreciative about what he has he needs to learn i guess.
I don’t even need to read his.
If he doesn’t like it tough shit, if he’s home at the weekends, don’t do a damn thing and when the day is done tell him you don’t like the way the house looks.
See if his damn mood changes.
Wait until your kids wants to eat every 5 minutes… if that is your excuse you will be screwed
They seem to have an unrealistic view on what ‘staying home’ is in reality with kids and a family. I say go back to work, that way maybe some of the household duties will be shared. By the by, I was always a working mom. I stayed home for about 3 months and wanted to bang my head against a wall. Way way harder than working. I almost skipped back to the office.
Keep the dogs get rid of him if my husband criticised me, which he wouldn’t, he’d get bloody flattened with the frying pan. Tell him to pull his bloody finger out and get something done. That’s why I’ve been married 30 years with no problems. It’s zero tolerance from day 1 and respect on both sides
I would pump milk and leave him home with both children for the weekend with the same expectations on him that are on you. I truly admire any parent with young children. Sadly, until you do the job and that is any job, you have no idea how hard it is or what it entails. His armchair quarterback attitude would be left at the door in my house.
Being a SAHM is lonely, and it is a LOT of work. Remind him that your house is not a museum and that if he’d like to live in one, then he should have never gotten married and had children…having a spotless house when you have kids is unrealistic. Maybe suggest he watch the kids for a while and you’ll be happy to clean up those piles of paper. (Then take your time) i could also suggest going to strike. And not doing anything, except caring for the kids, so he can really see what the house looks like if you do nothing.
Yes just give him 8 hours in d house with d kids c how much he gets donean how d house will look
Tell him to clean it before he leaves
I had 3 kids in 4 years, you make yourself a schedule and you stick to it. If he’s working and paying bills, then it is your responsibility for the home. Children those ages sleep a lot, use that time to get things accomplished. You can teach the older one to help which will give you two bonding time, even if it’s just using a dusting rag. Just find a way or get a job and hire a sitter/ cleaner.
He won’t like the look of hospital food either , but sure look
Ditch the husband…
If he’s talking about the mess made while home all day, pick up as you go. My 3 yo can’t take another toy out until she puts the other ones away that she was playing with. When my nanny is home with her while I am at work, I come home to the house destroyed. I have her help me pick up when I walk in at 5 and start cooking dinner. Time management.
Leave…Leave NOW. He’s showing his true colours. Controlling and manipulative. It will NOT get better, he will get worse. He has no respect for you, he has no empathy for your situation. To him, you are a possession that he owns.
Hire someone to come in and give a through cleaning.
U have enough to do looking after your children and being at home all day.can get very.lonely. tell your husband if he wants the house a certain way.do.it himself.u can only take control so long dont.take it from him consider.leaving.being an option. Dont let this bring.u down it’s not worth.it.your sanity.or.your health good luck to you
He’s unhappy about something in the relationship. Try to get him to open up about it. It won’t get fixed this way.
Why does he get to go hang out with his friends??? You didn’t make those babies by yourself!!! When he gets home you give him the kids and you get done what you can. If he can’t help with his children then he needs to find himself a blowup doll to live with cuz it’s obviously the only relationship he can handle.
Why should you have to ask him what’s bothering him when he can’t spare anytime to try and lighten your load??? Tell him to grow up. He married you…had fun making those children so now he needs to suck it up and stop acting like a petulant child!!!
Stop. Stop every last little thing or big thing you do everyday. (Except feed the baby obviously) don’t do anything. At all. And when he gets home and has a fit. Tell him “you know that stuff that you tell me I don’t do all day? Well I actually didn’t do it” and just leave it. It’s gunna suck. Honestly. It will. But maybe it will spark something in his dumbass head.
Tell him if it’s not good enough for him then he needs to pitch in with it ALLLLLL or gtfo!! And if you don’t want to do that just stop doing stuff and let everything pile up and he’ll realize just what you do ! Sounds too entitled and ungrateful.
Hire a professional cleaner.
Easy fix he doesn’t like it he can do it himself…or not come home …
Only clean after yourself and the kids. Don’t touch any of his stuff! Not his laundry, not his dishes. I wouldn’t even cook unless it’s for the toddler. Let him see what mess he makes.
I bet he wouldn’t last one day doing your job for one day!
I’m sorry but if he works all day and you do nothing but stay at home and maybe make a trip to town then by all means he should come home to a clean house and even a home cooked meal if now if y’all both are working then he needs to eat a dick and get off the high horse
Each time if an all mighty-bring-home-the-bacon man complains about the home not clean enough, then tell him he doesn’t make enough either to hired a cleaner. These are the men who easily looked down on their sahm wives, but also in the same get intimidated with successful working ones
Ask him if he would like to go back to the century his values are stuck in. The minute he walks in the door he is jointly responsible for everything in the house including the people in it. You are partner not a maid or nanny. He needs to grow up, he is not a teenager and now has responsibilities.
Ask him i will do ur job for one week and u do mine
Tell him go fuck hisself
Marj Smith Men eh 
Ask him to stay at home and do the work in the house.You get out of the house and work .Let him see what your world is like.if he doesn’t love and appreciate you show him the door .You will cope better if he’s not there .he probably makes the mess in the first place .you need to stay strong for your kids .Cant help having a mess in your house wee ones have got to plat .xxxxmy advice. Stay strong xx
Kids need to play .xxxx
Girl, I tried to stay home and it was exhausting! My house was way messier with me home everyday vs once I returned to work! Now, do to COVID, I work from home and my kids are here 24/7…thank goodness I am divorced now!!! So who cares what’s happening in this house! The kids and I pick up once the weekend is here! I try to always do my dirty dishes but other than that…it’s a free for all!!
You need to explain to him that the kids Are a full time job too. So that when he gets home, it becomes 50/50.
Ask him what it is that bothers him the most and try to focus on that. But also put it back on him to then step up and get the kitchen fixed.
Maybe have a talk when tension isn’t high about how he is speaking to you.
Also, give yourself a break. You have 2 little kids. Your home will be messy. That is ok.
get up n go x shopping x get your nails done x hair x n tell him your goin on a date x if he can’t be useful n provide you with help n support x your gonna find someone that will x and also if you treats you like a kid don’t give him proper dinner give him nuggets n fries if he wants act like a spoilt kid treat him that way x
Its his home too and his children why cant he come home and give you a break and help out how dare he yes he works which is only body draining you have body and mental drainage from this on a daily basis, why dont you ask him to cut his hours and you go to work on the hours he dont so he can share the duties
Next time he has a week off use that aswel book yourself into a spa on your own better yet get some of your friends and go for a girls trip leave him with everything to do
Ask him what’s really bothering him
He has nothing to complain about
You are doing good mama. Do what you can and don’t push it. A home full of love is what matters not if its spectacularly clean everyday. 
And there is absolutely no reason he can’t help around the house. I am a stay at home mama, with a 7 year old who is a full remote learner. My husband works full time and still comes home and helps
Tell him if he doesn’t like it then fix it himself you are doing a good job mama keep it up
You are fine… I told my husband quite a few times when I was stay at home…if something bothers him …ie…the dishes hes more than welcome to clean it up!!! I’ve been married 30 years…and have a sign on my wall that says “this house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy” give yourself some grace and enjoy your babies
You’re doing great mama
I’ve been a stay at home mom and I’ve been a working mom, and I only have 1 child
Being a stay at home mom is much more difficult and wearing
It sounds like his frustrations are not about you even though he’s directing it towards you
Maybe he’s more stressed lately? Unfortunately guys do that a lot. Point their frustrations towards their partner
I’m sorry you’re feeling insuperior. I’ve definitely been there. But there’s nothing more draining than having a baby and a toddler.
I just had a baby last nite 2-1yo and a 6 yo that’s being home schooled. And a job. My hubby is a neat-nick and he’ll full on admit it. I know I’m disorganized esp for him. He gripes about it at times but he knows how busy I am. So he may bitch but he’ll do my desk filing if I tell him to take care of it. I can’t complain though either because he’ll come home and if I’m busy or just worn out he’ll eat a bowl of cereal and wash his own dishes.
You are doing great momma! Kids are a full time plus job!!! Please make sure to give yourself breaks mentally and physically. Men do not understand what it takes to take care of kiddos. Stay strong you are amazing!
Tell him if he has such a problem then sort it himself its not easy having little ones its 24/7 his job is not and him working shouldn’t mean he doesn’t have to clean your not his mum or his maid your his partner your ment to be equal
Youre doing fine! I’m in a similar boat with my husband and its been a struggle. Just do what you can and know that you’re doing your best and its good enough! And make sure he picks up after himself!!
He works and pays the bills. You stay home cook and clean and take care of the kids. You say you are okay with this. But then you complain because he asked you to clean something up?
I’m dealing with the same thing except I work then come home with our 2 year old who doesn’t have a room so unfortunately all her toys are in the dining room which I made into her play room but my husband comes home all the time complaining about the way the house looks and that I need to keep it clean or at least do better at picking up
Honestly, if he had time off work and actually did what you did he might have perspective and more respect for you. It is a HARD job, being a stay at home parent. It took several years for my husband to understand how hard this job is and he does not complain anymore.
He can have a hotel room and it will be clean all of the time. You’re going just fine. He shouldn’t talk down to you because he gets a paycheck. I sat down and listed my jobs and the going rate for each and it came out pretty high. That was an eye opener for us both.
As long as it doesnt look like an episode of Hoarders, the kids are happy, healthy and fed he should really keep his trap shut or he can clean to his liking see how long it lasts with 2 littles
Ask him to step into your shoes one day make him a list of your daily duties and tell him when he thinks he can do better you’ll leave the house for the amount of time he’s gone (if you can pump and bottle feed) and tell him to see how he handles it
You are doing great mama. Having a newborn is tough especially when breast feeding. I tried to pump for my now 6 month old. Keeping up with a house and a toddler and baby is a lot. Tell him put his big boy panties on and help out some, or deal with it because the kids are more important and you are sleep deprived.
I get that you both have roles , I get that you have younger kids but sometimes you have to put the kids down and get a tasks or two done . I had two kids 1 1/2 year a part I could clean and still watch my soaps while the kids played or napped . I was vary organized and that helped alot . I also include the kids age appropriate in picking up and clean even if it was just baby wipes to wipe down everything, the kids loved it .
You are doing amazing any little thing counts your babies wont be small forever there will come a time when your home will be spotless but for now enjoy your moments at home with your kids if your husband has an issues with the mess he can clean it himself
If you have some Rubbermaids pack all his stuff from the kitchen in them. If he asks tell him it’s all the spare time I had to pack the kitchen, but now it’s clean. Maybe I can get to the dining room tomorrow. Or you can be part of a solution and part of the family that takes care of each other.
Before you know it the kids will be grown up and moved out & you will miss the messes such as toys laying around. My fiancé & I both work full time , 3 children in the house & 2 dogs! Working together as a team helps!
If he had to pay for all you do everyday you would make more money than him. If he could have one day with a realistic goal of what you do and the kids to himself he would understand. Can’t tell men anything.
My husband works so hard everyday. He runs his own company. I don’t work I Am at home with our kids. He pays for all the bills and he bought me a beautiful new suburban for my birthday. But understand when he comes HOME to his house he is expected to help in any way he can. The house is not my responsibility it is ours. The kids are not my responsibility they are ours. The difference it seems is your husband does not respect being a stay at home mom as a job. My hubby appreciates everything I do so that we have money to do other things. And I appreciate everything he does as well. It’s our family it’s our life it’s OUR home. My suggestion would be stop doing things fit him. Do you cleaning kids mess your meals. Your not his mom. He is supposed to be your partner. So until he sects like one then I would stop acting like his mom. Not saying you are but he is treating you as such.
Leave him to take care of everything for 48 hours… he will change his tune
My husband knows better. I do more than enough everyday and if he comes home and something is bothering him, he helps himself to it!
Maybe on his day off have him stay home with the kids while you go out for a day, and see what you come home to. Maybe he’s capable, and maybe he’s not. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Some days I just straight up don’t feel like cleaning everything and I don’t. Your husband should understand that.
Just do your best Mamma. The working parent doesn’t have any idea what the stay at home parent goes through daily. It will all be OK.
Tell him to clean it then.
Im sorry you go through this mama. Your husband definitely doesn’t know what it takes to be a stay at home mom and if this can help Dhar Mann page has a few videos you can hint to him… It explains very clearly that it’s not nice being taken down for all we do and that he can do better… Otherwise just tell him how you feel and stop acting like a jerk… Good luck to you Mama
Honey I’m sure your doing your very best. It’s not easy with 2 little ones to care for an your obviously not getting any help from family or friends. If I may make a suggestion. Dishes:pack away unnecessary dishes…ones you don’t use everyday same goes for pots an pans only what you absolutely need. Get paper plates for sandwiches snacks.etc. Laundry I always go according to seasons.Its winter now so pack away all spring an summer. Get rid of old clothing, if you or hubby hasn’t worn it in a yr or two donate…decluttering is along an sometimes difficult process for some people so just do a little everyday an you’ll be surprised how quickly a few small chores can make a huge difference. Good luck. Hang in there.