It’s kind of weird how before he was affectionate but now he isn’t, maybe he just got really comfortable. I think your “love language” is affection, and he needs to realize that and show you love in a way that makes you feel secure and happy.
Is he possibly depressed?
He might have low testosterone.
Get medical help could be low testosterone
Recommend marriage counseling. Phrase it as a way for you two to learn how to communicate better (because that’s honestly what it is) and that you feel like taking that step will help your relationship.
The biggest problem here is if he doesn’t want help, there’s nothing you can do except decide to live with it or not
Get the 2 of u a weekend away for Christmas perhaps a sexy outfit… it sucks but finding a way to communicate about it is priority if he isn’t a talker maybe he will open up more in a text as to why he doesn’t want to be physical he could be embarrassed…
My husband is a medical provider who specializes in hormones. If interested, my husband answers questions about hormones on the Mind Pump Facebook page. Read the posts, suggest it to him to join or ask questions. They have good advice on there.
How old is your little one? Men can get postpartum depression also. Maybe he needs to see someone. Men, unfortunately, are raised to “man up and bear it”. Its possible he just doesn’t know how to put words on what he’s feeling. 
Go to a therapist yourself.
Low testosterone, other hormone issues, depression. There’s a lot of things that could be going on. I would talk to him about talking to a therapist, not together at first, just him.
He’s either depressed, or has some kind of physiological condition, such as low testosterone. Or he’s not attracted to you any more 
but probably one of the first two. But he doesn’t need to brush it off and act like it’s normal because that’s definitely not normal and it can destroy a marriage. He needs to see a doctor about it. He should care enough about you to do that.
He could be depressed, low on testosterone like they mentioned. But he can’t use the excuse of 3 years. My husband and I have been together 10 years. If he’s not cheating…go see a marriage counselor. It’s important in a marriage. Find some alone time! Not even just sexually, but also mentally
This is how relationships end bc of stuff like this. Once you think you don’t need to try anymore your relationship will start dying. 
maybe couples cousiling?
He might need to see a doctor. If he has low testosterone or is battling something then he will shut down mentally then physically. It happens to most people. He just needs to see a doctor and if he needs therapy, there’s no shame, he should.
Therapy, plan a relaxing weekend away just you two, have fun with couple’s card games And board games, give it your all to reconnect somehow. Also consider the benefits of Horny goat weed vitamins 
Live for yourself. Please yourself. As he probably already is.
He’s definitely cheating
Ok i have to say im ur husband… My husband and i have been together 17 years all in all and right now I’m the only one working on top of a lot of other stuff but he is the affectionate one he always wants to touch me or show affection and I’m the one that’s always pulling away it’s not because I’m seeing other people or what not cuz I’m not I just feel like I need my own space cuz I’m at work all the time and then I come home and I have kids that want to jump all over me so by the time he wants to touch me or hug me or kiss me I feel myself pulling away yeah I suffer with depression and a lot of stress so I don’t know if maybe that’s what he’s dealing with as well maybe have a serious conversation with him how you feel if you haven’t already and see if maybe that would change I love my husband and I wouldn’t change anything about our relationship as far as our love for each other but our sex life is at the bottom as well I also got my tubes tied 4 years ago and my sex drive is just gone I would be okay if I didn’t have sex anymore that’s how bad it is sorry that you’re going through all of this I know it sucks and I know it sucks for my husband as well I just don’t know how to change it and our situation
He totally seeing someone else
Most everyone has said what I was gonna say lol. I wanna add tho, if he says no to any of it, you’ve got to be at the mindset of “either I accept this for the rest of my life or I break away an leave to be happy”
Give him a Taste of his own medicine… Men hate it when you treat them the same way… They can Dish it out but can’t take it…You get what you give !!
He could be mentally unwell
He has to talk to you, or you have the right to leave. He’s the one being unfair.
Men can be so secretive when something is wrong.
He could be having so many different problems he doesn’t want to discuss and of course he should.
Time to sit down for a serious talk…dont take no for an answer.
Make a nice dinner, relax and talk.
Dont accuse or complain. Tell him you love him but he has to be honest with you. If there’s a problem with him or the marriage you need to know .
Obviously over time marriage settles down but not in 3 years .
Not communicating will destroy your marriage and it could be something easily fixed
I’d find out for sure if he’s seeing someone
Maybe he has medical issues and it too embarrassed to say anything… Or maybe he’s gay. Give him time.
Testosterone, have his levels checked
Sounds like he just doesn’t want to listen or try to understand why it bothers you - even if it doesnt bother him.
Men think they are more entitled to themselves then girls. Girls are wanting more of physical and emotion connections more then men. And not all men understand that. It will affect your relationship a lot and put a strain on it.
He needs a zinc rich diet and possibly zinc supplements. Trust me. Also respect his wishes about no affection. Only when he reaches out. Some men like to be the initiator.
I have been in the same situation with my ex-husband and the truth of my situation was he didn’t want to cheat on his girlfriend with his wife.
Start taking care of yourself. Even When he is home!! In fact do this. “Honey can you watch the kiddo for a bit, I need some me time”. And then disappear. Go do your thing. His confusion and frustration with this will make him approach you. He might be hurt, but you have needs. When I’m 80 I might have a lower sex drive. My fiancée thinks once a week is enough. And I refuse to settle for enough. And you know, they make tools just for this. Don’t let yourself stop before you are ready.
I did this when I was cheating on my ex of 10 years… I’m so sorry.
Sit back, watch and observe!
Something underlying is wrong. Him rejecting you and refusing to communicate and listen to you is a big red flag. My husband did this before we discovered he was just depressed and his BP meds were causing his sex drive and irritability to negatively correlate.
Maybe find out what his love language is. Sounds like yours is physical touch and his is not. Once you find out what his is, start showing him that you love him that way. Then come to a compromise that will allow you to both feel loved.
My ex ended up being addicted to pornography. 
Total narcissist.
“If I don’t show you any attention, it’s more special when I do”
My husband and I have not been intimate in 5 years. We’ve been together 13 and I’m going through menopause and he’s okay with going without until I can. Maybe sometimes your relationship is more than sex
Tell him you are afffectionate. You need affection in a relationship and if he can’t give that to you then your going to have to end things. I did this with my partner. And I was 100 percent serious. I literally said “I feel like when we are together I’m one of your “boys” and not your girl. I want a boyfriend not a friend friend. I’m going to leave you if this doesn’t change”. And it’s been five years now and he really does make an effort to be affectionate. He saw how serious I was about what I needed from the relationship.
You can try counseling, because there is definitely something going on there. I mean, I’m fully aware that the sex dies down (some) as does the physical aspect, the longer you’ve been with someone, because people get comfortable. But him saying “you should just know”, is some BS. It would be one thing if he was this way from the moment you met him, but for him to be loving and physical in the beginning and then completely do a 180, is suspect.
Quick, everyone jump to cheating. There are medical reasons why someone doesn’t want sex. Men - ed, low testosterone, afraid of pregnancy. Women - start of menopause, fear of pregnancy, problems with their bodies. Not every guy cheats. Not every female cheats. No all the facts before you jump to cheating please
Tell him what you need from him and that if he can’t show you his love through affection you will leave and find someone who will. Don’t just say it do it. Don’t waste your life begging for attention from your husband. Someone else will love you in all the ways you need.
Show him the same energy, live your life and get yourself together! He will either notice it fix what’s wrong or keep doing the same thing and you will know how to move from that point on
Could be medical. Ask him. If he becomes angry that’s usually a tell that it is. Also ask him if he is cheating. Again, if he get angry ,it’s a good indication ,he is.
Sorry it so difficult to talk to him. Maybe a couples therapy would help.
He thinks 3 yrs classifies as being together long enough to not have to show affection? I’ve been with mine for 11 yrs and if I say I want it I get it, even if he’s tired, if he says he wants it I do the same even if I’m tired or have an early morning etc. It’s just excuses that can be ignored if he was actually into it, I suggest looking into reading material about improving SL when you get into a rutt, I’m sorry you’re going through this, maybe he’s stressed about bills or something going on in his head, try communicating and ask him if he’s OK, if there’s anything he needs from you emotionally etc. That’s all I can think of, I hope things get better! 
Watch him closely. I’m sure his other actions will tell you the truth babe… so sorry!!
He’s cheating,get out while you can.
I’d definitely seek marriage therapy,see a Dr and rule everything out before assuming he’s cheating. Good luck and I’m sorry your going through this
Ya hun this means he is cheating. Clearly he is just playing his part in your relationship
This does not always mean cheating. Regardless of most of the comments. My husband isn’t a very affectionate person and this stems from him just not having super a affectionate family growing up. We find other ways to be affectionate and it’s made our marriage stronger.
Depending on age and health he could be experiencing health issues that reduce his libido and/or ability to get or maintain a relationship. Try to convince him to get a physical and talk to the doctor. Men generally don’t talk feelings unless it was really ingrained in them at a young age that it was ok. Society tells them not to feel.
I feel you, been together almost 5 years, and we have had sex 3 times this year… I can’t explain it, we are always with each other when we are not working, it just does not happen any more.
There’s a lot of red flags here. Definitely need to seek therapy of some sort to get to the bottom of why he’s acting this way.
Sounds like your husband may be suffering from low testosterone. Because levels vary throughout the day and are affected by body mass index (BMI), nutrition, alcohol consumption, certain medications, age, illness, diet, stress, bad sleep, etc. Testosterone can be a touchy subject with men so be gentle; sometimes its not as simple as it seems and there’s a lot going on up in their brain.
I was in a relationship like that for 10 years. He said he “couldn’t equate sex with love”
Has he been to the doctor lately to rule out physical or depression?
I’m at 2.5 years into my relationship and we definitely don’t keep our hands off eachother.
Do you have any sex toys? You can use them solo, or you can use them maybe when he’s in bed with you and get him interested. It’s surprisingly effective.
Bottom line, Life’s to short to be unhappy 
Is it just sex he’s turning down or all physical affection? You can be intimate and feel loved even if you don’t have sex very often, but if there’s no kissing, no cuddling, no hand holding, etc… then there’s definitely something wrong!
What changed physically and mentally/behaviourally since you first got together and had a great SL, to now? Did any of those changes occur around the same time the affection changed?
Make a doctors appt to talk about changes, there may be a reason physically. If not then go to a therapist together. Sounds like you have a child under 3 ,and with work ,and pandemic ,etc they all might be a contributing factor.
If he refuses to do either of these things I would consider it a red flag that he is cheating.
Give him more space than he needs dress up like wen to guys got together pay less attention to him he’ll start to come around
I’d do it back to him but that’s me
All these comments that jump straight to him cheating is kinda sad. Life changes and relationships, like everything else go through phases. Stress, hormones, kids, work, just life in general plays a big role in things. Talk to him seriously and tell him how you feel and why and that maybe you are being emotional, maybe you aren’t but either way that’s how your left feeling. Listen to him and make a decision, either you believe him when he says he’s not cheating or you don’t. You know him better than anyone else…. Sex and affection are very important in a relationship, but it shouldn’t be the basis of what makes you happy or not. If your just in it for the amount of sex ya get, your not in it for the right reasons anyway 
best of luck 
My husband is the same way and goes through spurts. My husband IS faithful and I can totally relate to how you are feeling because I love affection where as my SO could do without and used to be but it can also be how they were raised I’ve noticed. We DID do marriage counseling and it helped me understand him better for sure. Not everything means cheating. Talk to him.
Everyone saying talk to him:woman_facepalming:t2: she said she has and he calls her dramatic end to conversation. Something is definitely up maybe medical like E.d. or low testosterone. Maybe cheating I don’t know how to get a straight answer. I sympathize because if I were in your shoes id be so heartbroken and possibly resentful. I know esteem would take a hit and I’d personally not even try to scrump.
I mean… it could be more than this. Maybe he needs to talk to a dr. What he’s going through… I also struggle with. And I can’t really explain it because idk what’s going on in my head. Or maybe he is messing around. I pray it works out and it’s just something he needs help with❤️
There has to be a reason. If he suddenly doesn’t feel like it, maybe he’s going through some sort of depression. Maybe it’s not you, maybe it’s him. Lots of men hide their emotions & won’t “talk” to you about the real reason behind anything. Maybe he’s not ok. Ask him to see a doctor to discuss how he really feels, you don’t need to suggest anything, just that you want him to be happy for himself, you & the kids because you love him & you feel he’s not at his happiest & could use the support of talking to a doctor.
Sounds like something is def wrong that he’s not saying…
Could be an attraction issue, depression, talking to someone else… the list is endless. Maybe try again to see if he’ll open up to you. Just reassure him that you’re going to be there for him no matter what he says.
The more and more posts I read like these the more I realize that I am sooo happy to be single. I refuse to let a guy treat me any kind of way. Especially when they mess with my emotions.
My advice to you is to work on yourself and forget him. Play the cold shoulder 
Maybe he has depression?
Sound like he has another on the side,that’s why he’s tired or pushes you off
He might need some Viagra🤷
Another RED FLAG GET OUT
Run girl run! I’ve been married 13 years together 16 and we have a very active sex life more so now than we did in the beginning of our marriage so if he does not feel comfortable or or attracted to you enough to do that cut him loose
I would suggest seeing a counselor. Sounds like he is showing his true colors. If that doesn’t work sounds like it is time to look at a different option. Life is to short to be with someone who makes you miserable.
Try treating him the way he treats you. It should drive him nuts, if not… well he may be cheating or gay
Marriage counseling.
I don’t want to be mean but idk could he be cheating and if not then he’s depressed or something is wrong , I don’t know if there is much you can do it sounds like it’s a him issue he needs to open up about it idk good luck
It could definitely be a medical issue. Before you jump to conclusions and get on the cheating bandwagon, or beat yourself up over it and blame yourself, see if he needs to talk to a counselor or doctor. Depression and anxiety does have an effect on the sex drive.
For now, focus on the other aspects of your relationship and partnership. He may be going through a tough time and doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it right now. You guys might need regular date nights kid free and rekindle the spark. You can try different foods and a change in diet as well.
Lots of people seem to automatically turn to “he’s cheating”… It could be that instead of cheating, he is a closet porn addict. Lots of men seem to feel it’s easier to just watch a video and take care of it themselves…
Hope things get better for you either way. 
Make him drive an 18 wheeler . The pay is phenomenal and he will be gone Sunday-Friday and when he gets home he’s going to be tired of being in truck and want affection because he’s been alone all week . I didn’t make my spouse drive a truck he wanted to because of the pay . But the benefits of loads of affection on the weekend makes it worth him being gone all week . I get more affection now than I ever did before he drove the truck .
I would give him an ultimatum. Talk about it and fix it or end it. Sorry to put it like that but you shouldn’t have to live like that.
What about counselling.
Is he afraid of having another special needs child?
Do you 2 get to go out together?
Pay attention. You know this is not right.
Maybe he has low testosterone. It’s a real thing and some men don’t even realize it.
It also sounds like maybe he is taking you for granted. I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that he’s having an affair, but it sounds like an emotional disconnect.
Marriage counseling might be the next step.
It could be his hormone levels honestly!
I wish I could help. In the same boat. We get intimate maybe once a month , 2 to 3 times if I’m lucky. I’ve offered just tending to his needs solely here and there and still get shut down. He’s always tired, or didn’t shower and doesn’t want to shower or too drunk. Caught him looking at girls online multiple times in the past, but haven’t lately and back when our intimacy started to decline he was actively tending to himself with porn at least 2 times a week while ignoring me. Lately he swears he hasn’t been using porn, but I highly doubt that’s true. I had gained alot of weight around the time it started to decline and I’ve since lost most of it. However intimacy in the bedroom is still next to nothing. He still gives me kisses every morning before leaving for work, kisses every night before going to sleep, random ones throughout the day, boob and butt grabs sporadically…so i dont really know. He thinks its his testosterone, but won’t go to the Dr.
Your not the only one to have the old bait and switch pulled on them, but I respectively disagree that it is hormone imbalance, that could explain some loss of drive but not the unwillingness to recognize the problem or talk civil to you about it, I smell deception
My man went through a stage like this and it was because he was exhausted and suffering with depression. It was hard for me but once I realised how much pain he was in, I realised I had stop worrying about what I wasn’t receiving and do all I could to help him feel better. Talk to him calmly and ask if he is ok, being stressed out about not getting any affection will only make him feel worse about himself and will drive you further apart.
Read love languages together, pick it up on audioable if he’s not a reader and you guys can listen to it together.
You can try marriage counseling. But personally I’d just go before you’re in it any longer.
Low T. Get him to a testosterone clinic and have him checked out. I know several women who have dealt with this.
You can leave. Life is to short to try and navigate confusing toxic behaviour.
Sounds like he’s cheating, in one form or another
From experience: have him get his testosterone checked. 100%
Mine and i havent had sex since march. And before that was October. I get shut down every time so i stopped even trying. Hed rather just jerk off in the shower and watch porn. We’ve done the whole counseling thing and didnt change anything. I asked him to get on testosterone and he refuses.
He may have E D and he doesn’t want you to know. He is embarrassed about it. If a man isn’t able to "function " normally after being able to they do not want to start something that they may not be able to finish. A man who knows that he probably won’t be able to perform most of the time will not want to start something and not being able to perform and have their partner know that he can’t . So just avoid the situation.
Your SL is better than mine lol some men just grow out of the affection stage get upset send tell him he needs to pull up or you will improve your life yourself
He needs his hormones & all checked.
Either he goes & you work to fix this marriage or you’ll leave.