My husband left me out of the blue: Advice?

I was wondering if I can have a question posted anonymously my husband of two years left me 3 months ago out of the blue without no warning he said he left me to go back down to Texas to be with his 3 year old son he left me pregnant and he new it before he left yet still left i found out it wasn’t for his son he got with another woman and he is now living with her and engaged to her when he is still married to me he is even helping her with her 6 month old baby yet he left me pregnant with his child and my two oldest kids I have from a previous relationship who are 9 years old and 8 years old were calling him daddy because there real dad doesn’t want anything to do with them so he was feeling that role for two years he hurt not only me but them to he thinks I have no right to be mad at him and him and his family said I’m owed no sympathy to them he is in the right he hasn’t asked me once about the pregnancy since he is with this new girl blamed it on that I blocked him out well I have had him unblock for days now and still nothing he thinks I need to go out of my way to keep him Posted on the pregnancy I feel I don’t owe him a single thing after what he did to me and my kids I don’t want him involved because he doesn’t even take care of his own son he already has and I don’t want him coming in and out of this child’s life he said he would only travel to NY to see his child be born If I allow his girlfriend to be there to I said definitely not that is highly disrespectful my question is I’m I wrong for not allowing him at the hospital and keeping his name off my child’s birth certificate and for taking him to court for for custody of my baby when I don’t give him what he wants he threatens me that eventually he will come up here and take my baby from me from NY to Texas just to hurt me not only that he caused me to lose my youngest my 6 year boy when he was up her because he watched him for me one day when I wasn’t home and he belted him with his belt and cops got called and I lost my youngest and I have been fighting for him and trying to fix the mess that he made that’s one reason he took off his he had charge’s in NY he didn’t wanna deal with he also use to get mentality abusive to me when we were together and would get so mad he broke a window one time I just really feel like my baby would be unsafe with him I just want to protect my baby i don’t wanna lose another child because of him he doesn’t even wanna pay child support I’m 14 weeks pregnant just trying to get this all figured out before our baby is born please I need advice


Keep copies of ALL correspondence, try not to talk on the phone as it is all he said, she said. You take care of you, your kids, and your baby. Be polite and respectful in all correspondence. You’ll appreciate later that you’ve documented everything. Hire a lawyer.


My only question is why would you think he would take care of this baby when he didn’t take care of the first child? Plus it sounds as if he has moved on so you should also, so file for divorce dont mention anything about being pregnant in the divorce papers or during the court proceedings and then dont worry about him, because he isn’t going to fight you.


Does no one here care about these children? I’m sorry but given this story…she does NOT deserve to have these children. She has subjected them to child abuse, didn’t report…UNACCEPTABLE! She lost custody of her 6 yr old, because the man beat him…then was stupid (you can’t fix stupid) enough to get pregnant AGAIN! They sell birth control in all stores. This woman is an adult obviously not making good choices. These poor children need a voice because she is not doing a good job with them! :woman_shrugging:t2:


For starters I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate at all. Bam. He already has no rights. UNLESS he chooses to go to the court and gets dna done and what not. But from the sounds of it he won’t. So I wouldn’t even worry momma do good for the babies you got now and the one on the way. It also seems to sound like the best option is to cut him out completely and to focus on fixing you’re family and getting your child back.


Oh FFS where do these people come from ?! There is more to this story you’re not telling. They wouldn’t take your 6 year old because that loser you call a husband hit him with a belt… you weren’t even there. He HAS to pay child support & he can’t marry someone else if he’s married to you ! You need professional help

Contact an attorney!!! If he abused one child he will abuse the others. Let all contact be through an attorney. He deserves NOTHING!!!

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No name on birth certificate
Divorce him
Keep records of all written or phone calls
Say good. Riddance and start over
Keep your kids safe and hang out as a single mom.for now. I know it’s easy to get involved again but hang tight.


Get that emergency child court where you can get custody and tell the judge he cheated and then left you while pregnant for another woman. You don’t have to put his last name for the baby. What you should have done this n the first place was leave his ass when he hit your 6 year old tho

It’s hard for men to get custody of children as long as a mother is doing what she supposed to. If you put them on the birth certificate not he’s still the father and if he does what he’s supposed to and pay support there’s nothing you can do.

Get a lawyer, file for divorce, child custody and child support. Texas will attach his wages to see that support is paid.


I say this with all sincerity, you and the baby are better off and you need to seek counseling for all of you.


We all can say what we want, but at the end of the day honey you need a lawyer. The most important thing is that you and your babies are safe and he is gone.

Divorce! Do not put his name on the birth certificate!!!
Keep everything from text messages phone calls and even voice mails, and if needed get a TPO


Stay away from him , keep your other kid safe, you deserve better, divorce him, walk away and dont turn back…

You crazy don’t put his name on the birth certificate stop talking change your number move the signs have been on the wall for a long time but you wound your to needy for a man

Be glad you’re rid of him!!! Best fir-you and your children!!!


Hes not worth it, who will he be with next? Ughh sick

I disagree. Yes,put his name on the child birth certificate. Make sure he supports the child if he sees the child or not. Get a lawyer


Oh no I’m so sorry… I hope your pregnancy goes well and you find your answers. I cocking imagine

Stop having babies. I know we love them after they are born but you can’t afford it

Some places you can’t file for divorce while you are pregnant.

Thinking he is still married to you to avoid paying child support

That was the longest run on sentence I have ever read.


Hey the hell away from this narcissistic piece of shit! Keep all correspondence, no phone calls! All emails, let him threaten you, just keep it documented. Document EVERYTHING!! Get a lawyer, file a restraining order, and do whatever you have to do to protect the children

Say Good Riddance and let him go

One long ass sentence…


Punctuation please!!!

If he doesn’t support the 3 year old child he already has it is unlikely he will support the child he is having with you.

It’s very difficult for me to understand why would you want any relationship with a man that abused your 6 year old because for any child to be removed from your home by CPS it had to be a serious assault so my first concern would be my child and keeping him safe.

You have 3 valid reasons for divorce. Your husband abused your child, he has abandoned you while you are pregnant and is also engaged to someone else. It’s clear he isn’t a good man at all.

He has already threatened to take your unborn child from you which is a form of emotional abuse but it’s unlikely he could since he has child abuse charges against him so I wouldn’t worry about that.

Focus on your children and regaining custody of your son. Just move on and realize you made a mistake. He abused your child once and he will do it again. Child abusers don’t change.

Stop communicating with him and his family. They don’t seem like good people and they owe you or your children nothing.
Personally I wouldn’t want anything to do with them.

If you cannot afford a lawyer apply for legal aide to help you get back your son, file a legal separation, get a restraining order against him (some states call it a protection order) for you and your children and file for divorce. Make sure you document any threats that lunatic makes against you and ask for both child support and sole custody in the divorce.

With the child abuse charges pending he is unlikely to come back to NY to fight you in divorce proceedings or child support court.

You need to grow up and work on yourself and your relationship with children. There are lots of nonprofit organizations that will help you figure things out and offer free counseling, job training and parenting classes. Work on being an independent woman and a better mother. Focus on that.


Find a way to go on without him, he is a deadbeat and will not contribute anything in your or your children’s lives. Make sure you keep all correspondence from him for future legalities.

Bull shit … Document everything. When he calls yu tape write down the the and time how he was wth yu keep it all in a journal. SEE A LAWYER girl keep dates everything that has happened to yu wth this idiot itll help yu in court

I agree with Susan Meek too much going on in your head that you are a mess. 1. You married this jerk. 2. You got pregnant with this jerk. 3. You want to stay married to this jerk? Why? Take All your kids away from your problems. Make sure you have a good lawyer with papers signed to get rid of this man. You dont need him!!! Let him deal with the oter women he hs screwed with. Take care of yourself and. kids

That’s one long ass sentence…js

You sound you are an abusive women along with your children. You need help to be free of this man… Go get HELP for your children sake.

Get a lawyer ask them for advice and really you lost a child because of him n get pregnant again… my first thing in mine would be getting my kid back fuck that piece of shit…remember he walked out who knows how long he was with the other woman

I’m so sorry this happened. You deserve better and your kids deserve it too. My best advice to you is to find the best way for YOU to take care of your kids and yourself.
I’m not trying to be judgmental, but the first baby daddy isn’t doing his duty and neither is the second, apparently. Don’t date anyone else for a while… a long while. It sounds like you need some time to learn that you deserve a man who’s going to be committed to you and your kids.
When you do date again, don’t give him the time of day until you make sure he is taking care of any kids he already has. God loves you. Find a church family who loves your family if you don’t already have one.


Girl, you don’t owe him a damn thing. A real MAN wouldn’t do that. Cut your losses and move on. Keep him blocked. The fact that he can walk out on his wife, children, and even cheat on you should speak volumes. There is someone SO much better out there that you truly deserve that will give you the world and then some. Head up momma. You got this.


I’m not saying block him but I wouldn’t give him any more thought, he chose to walk away he doesn’t deserve you doing anything for him. You are the one giving birth so if you don’t want him in the room express your wishes to the nurse or caretaker in charge. Abuse in any form is a no! You might not see it right now but Maybe it’s a blessing he will no longer be around. A blessing he’s not mentally abusing you or physically abusing the kids. Stay strong momma you got this!


I’m not sure of the ny laws but here in SC if you are married you’ll have to give him the married name unless you did like me and just put a divorce date but the true sperm donor was there to sign the birth certificate. I’d consult with a lawyer to see your options with the laws in your state. I didn’t know with my first child and he was stuck with the married name until it was court ordered amended to the daddy’s real name. My ex-husband was incarcerated and is no way possible the daddy of either child. I am praying for you and your family cause some situations are just unfair to say the least!:pray:

You don’t owe him a thing. On the other hand, he owes you PLENTY!!! Make sure to get his name on the certificate. This way he can be made to pay child support! Good luck sweetie. Listen, there are plenty of men out there, finding a good one might be a little more difficult. This one sounds like a guppy. No worth the effort!!!


when your baby is born, file for child support and have it garnished out of his wages, he abandoned you and cheated on you, so also ask for alimony with child support…Then work on healing.

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I wouldn’t give him another thought. I wouldn’t tell him when the baby was born either. It’s his responsibility to ask these questions not your responsibility to always text or call him. Please use punctuation next time. That was a hard read.

Texas is awesome… you talk to much… probably why I live in Texas also…


Move on. You dont need anyone like that in your life. You and your children deserve far better. Also… punctuation is everything. No need to lynch me. It’s hard to read through something this long with absolutely zero punctuation.


Good riddens the moment he put his hands on your son you should have filed charges for corputpuinishment he should have been tooken to jail but i have a feeling you didnt want to accept that he did that to your son and looked the other way. Why would you get pregnant from a monster luke that? I dont understand ? Ok so now your pregnant first of all file for divorce and abondment and let the authorities know where hes at so they can pick him up im sure he has a warrent in the meantime take all his patental rights from him and make sure the judge orders to make him pay child sujport. Cut all tied from him you dont need him trust me you need to stay alone and get your life together for your children and try to get your son back please something tells me your still in love with him is you take him back you will lose all your children. Get your life together focus on your babies they need you. Do you have any family? Much luck

First of all you should have seen the red flags all over the place and not married him in the first place. But it is what it is now you need to go ahead and put his name on the birth certificate and get child support from him, if he don’t pay it then that will just add up and cause him problems in the long run. But you should go to court getting custody of ur child for it’s safety.

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I wouldn’t put his name on the certificate, in the future if he wants to see the child he will have to take you to court, spend his $ on a DNA test which I’ve heard are expensive to get any visitation. I don’t see him doing that. You sound better off without him.


Don’t give him or his family any more info about your life, file for divorce and get that rolling so you don’t have to name him on the birth certificate. If he wants to go through the expensive process of proving the baby is his after birth that’s on him. I don’t think he will bother. It’s not worth the small amount of child support. Work on you and your kids and focus on getting that 6 yo back! Leave the husband out of your life. It sounds like this baby your carrying would be better off without him in its life anyway.


Wow how awesome is that, the trash took itself out… your only concern now is your babies get your life together. Right now the bottom seems like the worst thing but it is actually a blessing. New start. Drop the strings to that garbage that you have holding on to. You will see how much lighter the weight on your shoulders will be. Chin up. I’m sure there are a lot of people in your life that will help you take that step.


You are so much better without him. File for divorce before he does and move if you can. Make an ally out of cps to get your 6yo back and ask them for help in keeping him away from you and your kids. Child support be damned put your kids safety first. You can make it without him.


I wouldn’t even give him a second thought!He wa lied off,not caring that you were pregnant with his child! Or for all purposes he also left two other children that thought of him as their dad!He didn’t care about their feelings! Get rid of him as fast as possible! You don’t need him! Why would you? Let his girlfriend out up with him!Love

do not put his name.on the birth certificate, file for divorce and leave him blocked you dont need your life if he was that concerned he would have stayed :woman_shrugging:t4: that’s just my opinion he may just be acting this way to put on a show so he doesnt look worse

Good thing he left. Focus on you and your babies. Getting through your pregnancy and getting your baby boy back. Cut him off just as easily as he walked out the door. Good luck

You need some serious counseling, maybe you and your kids would be better with no man in your lives. Value yourself, set boundaries around relationships.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! Screenshot messages and send them to your email, record conversations if it’s legal. Keep a timeline in a planner with every interaction. This is going to take some mental work on your part but dont get into a long emotional arguement in text or on the phone. You keep it professional. Respond only if it’s necessary- just once and then ignore the rest of the messages for the day/week. Even if he says or text false stuff - Ignore it and ignore him.

You deserve better and you will be just fine raising your children and your new baby. I would seek a lawyer because if he is abusive he should not be around the child at all.


He is abusive . file for divorce. A simple uncontested divorce . if you have no property to be is fairly easy a paralegal will usually do this fpr a couple hundred dollars . he is toxic . he does not want to be a part of your life or the childs . move on . he doent need to know anything . frankly i dont think he cares. Your little family doent need his ilk around them .get some help through services . stop having babies. If you dont have an education get one so you can become the main bread winner . get some counceling . that way you will not so soon wind up in another bad relationship … Good luck


Fuck him, you’re never going to understand the actions of some people and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying. I suggest you grieve the lost of the relationship and be happy you’re not sending your life with a man who can just pick up and leave. Now you live your life . you’re pregnant and feeling emotional, stay focused on the beautiful life growing inside you. God bless you and your healing process.

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So wait ? Where is the 6yo? Since u have an 8&9yo? Confused. But imo I honestly would file for divorce, cut him completely off and out of ur life and tell them u have no idea who the baby’s dad is when it’s born. Period. Done. Completely fall off his radar and out of his life.


Law states if your legally married regardless whom father the legal husband is automatically put as child’s father due to being married… you don’t have to give him any info on nothing nor let him be in hospital at time of birth that’s you’d right married or not… btw you can have his picture given to nursing staff at such time & they send thru hospital as Bolo & he will not be allowed if you say so.


I would be glad he took off and spared you the abuse! You need to have time for u and your kids for a while!!

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He beat a 6YEAR OLD got your son taken away from you but you still stayed with him??? That was mistake number one.


You definitely don’t owe him anything. And go into hiding get new phone disappear. He will not be good influence in baby s life.


So sorry, what a creep, :100: walk away, find someone who will love you and the kids, he is out there.

Get a lawyer. Time to make it official, move on and get support ironed out before the baby is born. Be careful about his name not being on the birth certificate if you want child support.

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That guy deserves a swift kick in the ass.
And doesnt need to be anywhere near the state of NY when you give birth.
Put a password on your room and only give it to the people you want there who you trust not to give it to him.
Men make me sick.

Hugs. With him gone: you will have a better chance of getting your 6 year old back. It sounds like you are better off without him.


Take him to court after the baby is here, learn from your lesson , never allow him or anyone to sweet talk U into something again.

Not in Louisiana I have a grandson with my daughter maiden name bc his mom said my grandson want for her son!!

Most states make women put the daddy on the birth certificate…so sorry he did that!! Its time as you know , being you have 2 older kids…time to start over , we all have to , even when our spouses die …your going to be ok

Have you tried birth control?

yu do not have to put him on birth certificate and do not give him visitation rights say to him babys dad is someone else and him and gf stay out of hospita; maybe then you can get 6 yr old back

Did u lose your 6yo before you got pregnant? Just asking.

Almost 6 years ago my husband let me and our 20 month old and I was 8 and a half months pregnant with our youngest son he did come home 20 months later and still here to this day it’s very hard to forgive him though sorry you’re going though this

Isnt he technically having an affair? Since yall are married and hes messing around with another woman?

Dont put his name on birth certificate.
Dont tell him a word about the bbay

If he is still married to you and is also married to this other woman that’s bigamy and against the law. You need to call the authorities.

I wouldn’t share anything with him. Divorce and protective/restraining order would also be top priority. No man that puts their hands on my children in anger would ever have access to my life or theirs…no matter what role was filled or for how long. Protect your babies Momma.

This happened to my brother. His girlfriend left & said she was pregnant , then in a month or so she told him that she miscarried. All of a sudden his other daughter got a message from this girl & she was 17. She sad that my brother was her father. She showed us pictures& she looked so much like him & his other daughter. She came to meet us& there’s not a lot of feelings or interest , I don’t think.

Im sorry you are going through this, if you can go it alone, i would forget him and go on with your life and your kids lives, if there is no way you can go it alone, contact Social Services, they can get the DA involved in legally getting you child support and if need be a restraining order against his having any contact, (phone, physical or by mail) with you or the kids, especially in view of the belt whipling he gave your child. God bless and good luck.


Sounds like the trash took itself out!


what is ur question??? no second thoughts if hes abusive u take ur beautiful family and u run…


Girl you need to get out of this relationship. U file for divorce before he does. File for abandonment. And let the courts know where he is so u get child support from him. Hes done u wrong my friend. Keep records of anything he sends u. Threats etc. Dont let him intimidate you.


Wow what a shitty human being he is. :frowning:

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Get a lawyer that is my best advice!

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Move on… you dont need any man in ur life… you have your babies and your babies have you… life is hard but you can do it… keep praying. Stay strong.

wouldnt let him nowhere around me or the kids, baby included!

Get a lawyer hon and get him for child support.

I started to read this big run on sentence but could barely understand it

File for divorce asap and talk to a lawyer about the rest

And get your child support

Such a wicked mess just say nothing to him thats all dont go back and forth cut him off

Whole story made my head hurt.

If you have his SS#, that would help you get support for his child.

Call a lawyer, Facebook is not a place to get important, life altering information.

I feel for you. Ghost that dude. Your kids will thank you later

File for child support cuz he sounds like the type of dude who wont ever be there for his child

Walk away take care of you and your kids

Be happy he left and made it easy on you. File for divorce and be done

I hate to say it but u r better off without him he’s her problem now

I’m sorry, but This is why,should never have sex , with someone that is not your husband. Children should be planed
These day sex has replaced talking. Can’t get to know each other with out a lot of talking.