I’m really upset and sad this evening. My husband and I were talking, and somehow we got on the topic of Godfathers and Godmothers for children in case the parents both pass away. My husband of 6 years and we’ve been together for 12 years total told me his best friend is on our life insurance policy to become The Godfather of our children if we both shall pass away… This is my first time EVER hearing this. I know we have life insurance, but I did not know someone has been appointed to my children and their money if my husband and I shall pass. Of course, my husband said, “we’ve talked about this before.” But honestly I’ve never heard this. My heart is broken because I have parents and sisters that can take over if we were to pass; my family loves my boys very, very much. I’m also upset because he made this decision without me. I’m crushed. My husband knows how hard it was for us to get pregnant. We had several miscarriages/ ectopic pregnancies. And then we were blessed with twins and a singleton. These boys mean the entire world to me. They are all rainbow babies. My heart believes we should have discussed together who the boys would go to. He literally decided on his who and put it in ink with his signature. P.S. My husband’s best friend is nice but not mature enough to raise three toddler boys alone. He is not married and works three jobs. I do like his best friend, but I just don’t see him as a father figure or parent. Please don’t post anything mean. I’m already hard on myself. I feel shattered and broken, to say the least. I hope I don’t pass away until these boys are well into their 60’s.
Oh no, that is most def a mutual decision!!!
That should have been a mutual decision. I do have a question… Is it a life insurance policy that he strictly pays for or it is through his job? If that’s the case he may feel that he has power over that decision since you’re not putting money into it. I know that sounds a little crazy but a lot of people think that way. If that is his own policy with you added on to it through his job then you can get another policy stating something completely different. Also when it comes to a death like that there has to be a will and testament it doesn’t just go off of a life insurance policy. If the will and testament doesn’t state that he is the responsible party for your children then he doesn’t legally have to take custody of them and he can hold that money until he games that necessary to give to them. There are lots of laws and when coming to life insurance the death of parents and willing testament depending on what state you’re in it is something that you should probably look into.
Life insurance or will?
Life insurance doesn’t determine who your kids go to. It determines who the money goes to.
I sell life insurance and Samantha is correct as to why I asked are you sure he didn’t make a will!
Life insurance and will are 2 different things. His friend could take that life insurance and do what he wants but it has nothing to do with raising your kids. You need to put your foot down and let your wishes be known. Have a will drawn up of who YOU want to do what. It may cause an argument between you and your husband but I would rather deal with pissing my husband off then my kids being left in the wrong hands. You can also change the beneficiary on your life insurance policy.
So then make your own with who things go to if he’s dead.
If I were him I would have just figured out a way to make the both of your parents legal guardians and not impulsively made irrelevant people priority
His friend is the responsible payee… and your husband could have done it because he didn’t want you to have to think about such a circumstance.
That’s not how it works
Your policy only pays the money to them. You need a will to actually determine the custody arrangement.
I think that is a bit of an overreaction
Life insurance does not award custody or choose godparents. the beneficiary will only get the pay out on the policy.
why is he leaving the money to his friend and not who will have custody of your boys sounds insane to me
You get that changed 100%
The best friend is only the beneficiary of the policy. God parent doesn’t mean they get the kids either.
Life insurance doesn’t make someone a guardian, a will does. I would demand to see the policy because what if he dies before you, does his best friend get his money? Also he can’t unilaterally decide this and the only way he could is thru a will and it would need both your signatures. He is gaslighting you.
I don’t think life insurance ever determines who is godfather. Whoever will take custody of your children is determined by your will and usually the godparents you have previously appointed will be in line for custody if you don’t specify in the will. If this role hasn’t been set up they will go to the closest family members.
Sounds like your husband has just set up his friend to take a bunch of money from your life insurance.
This is super weird and I would be concerned how this came about. He will get money if he’s named in the insurance but the children will not go with him.
Go change it yourself, hes pretty much just given your kids inheritance to his buddy…screw that…
I handled a lot of death benefit claims and qdros for my company our policies were if married the spouse had to waiver their rights to name someone other than the spouse the beneficiary. You can name your children beneficiaries of a policy but if they are minor a guardian is needed usually it’s court appointed.
A will determines this, not a life insurance policy. That’s just about money, not custody. Personally, we have each other as beneficiary, and if we both pass the money is split between the children with my sister as trustee, as she is the one named to take custody of the children.
You need to do a will and set up a trust for the kids.
They both will take care of guardianship and how the money is to be paid to the children and when.
He is the disperer of the will doesnt make him the guardian. He will make the final decision if I read it correctly. But this is a agreement you both need go make. Usually on life insurance the spouse needs to sign off no matter if it is in the husbands name.
Life insurance is life insurance…only a will can appoint who the kids go to if you both pass at the same time…and that needs to be agreed on.
God parents are more of a mentor thru life if parents pass away. No legal rights to children unless there is a will. Now if he has a will and you dont then his will would be honored by the court should you both die togethet. Either way this should have been a joint decision!!
You both would have had to sign something for the kids. You can always change it!
He’s lying to you. His friend is the one who would get the money if both you guys are gone but that doesn’t mean he gets the children. I think you need to set up a will esp concerning guardianship if the children with visitation for any family members. Like if your sibling raises them the. Over summer they would go to his side of the family. And I’d set up policies JIC so that you guys won’t incur greater financial hardship. And honestly counseling Bc this is important decisions he’s making without you and kind of blowing you off. What else is he leaving you out of that affects you and kids?
Get yourself a lawyer
Wow you need to talk to him and give him an ultimatum!!! The life insurance will give your children’s inheritance to his friend… but that does not mean he is suppose to keep your children… if he wants he can take the money and the children most likely will go to your family members… watch out this is too weird!!!
That couldn’t stand up in court. What else don’t you know…
If you haven’t had this discussion maybe it’s time.
Red flag!! Did this without talking to you!! Sounds fishy!! Your children should get the life insurance money with one of your relatives in charge of the money also in charge of your children - not his friend!!
Devil’s advocate here. Compared to family members, is his friend closer to y’all’s ages? I know you said unmarried but do others have other children to care for? How his relationship with your family? You didn’t mention his family… Maybe since he is (seemingly) solely responsible for life insurance, he feels responsible to choose a beneficiary…
It might just mean that his friend is his executer. Life insurance doesn’t really name who’s responsible for your children if you both pass. I think your husband might misunderstand what is going on. If you have insurance you would have an advisor which you are allowed to speak with if your name is on any of the insurances. I think your husband might not know what he’s actually talking about to be honest.
If you believe that you can name someone on an insurance policy to be your kids’ godparent you don’t sound mature enough either… Neither one of you do and you both need to seek council from someone who knows what they’re talking about because no one in this situation seems to…
You need to call the company and get a copy ASAP! The friend will get the money but NOT your kids… Make an appointment with a family attorney and draw up a will.
Things of matters such as this is attorney time… they know they laws… I highly suggest for your children you get an attorney involved to make sure your kids get what is theirs if something was to happen… my ex sister in law died in a car accident… her family stolen everything that they could from the kids… but luckily a huge chunk of it was but into trusts that only each child was named on and once they turned 18 they got it and then at 25… the family wanted nothing to do with them after 18 because by then the kids seen the family was using them for the insurance money.
Godparents are asked but a godparent does NOT mean they are to raise the child if something happens to the parents…they are assigned to oversee the child is raised in which ever religion…
You’re only leaving the money to him… not the kids.
Whoever you pick, DONT TELL THEM. The amount of true crime shows that are based off of that is sad.
Red flag! Get a lawyer!!!
Just talk to him, tell him you want it changed asap. Before you go grabbing a lawyer, or ruining your marriage, lay it out, the children wont be going to his best friend, and you want they’re money to goto the person raising them.
If this is a joint life insurance policy, then you need to see who owns the policy. If your husband is the sole owner of the policy then he can designate who the beneficiary is. However, life insurance beneficiary does not designate who gets legal guardianship of minor children. The best beneficiary of life insurance would be a “children’s trust” for the benefit of (name your 3 children). The law would then require the fiduciary of the trust to use in the monies in the best interest of your children. If they didn’t, they could face legal action. A children’s trust needs to be established in your home state and then legally change the beneficiary of the life insurance policy. Hopefully the policy has enough value to make this worth it.
Write your own living will that states your wishes. It will trump any insurance policy beneficiary.
Your children should be listed as beneficiary, and in the event of your deaths, a trustee would be appointed to oversee the funds until they turn 18.
He has no right to make this decision without you. If your signature isnt there, is it legal?
I’d be getting a proper will written up for yourself and your wishes.
Yeah that’s not how that works. A beneficiary on a life insurance policy just means he will get the money. It’s not a legal document where it states he gets custody of the child. That’s a will and if you are both on it you both would need to sign it. That’s a big red flag though that he would make his friend responsible of the money and not you or his kids.
Your husband shouldn’t have did that just talk to him and tell him you want to change everything and see what he says that’s something you should decide together
Just saying, but Godmother’s and Godfathers are really just people who help with a child’s religious education…the only way a child could go to the godparents should both of you die is if you put that in your will…and even then, family members could petition the court for the custodianship of the children.
God parents have no legal standing for anything including life insurance as “godparents”… That term just means that if something happens to you n your husband …that those ppl promised you that they would make sure your children were to continued to be raised with the faith/religion…and looked after …but it gives noone “legal” custody or anything else of the children…as someone said…sounds like both if u need to speak w an attorney or someone that knows what they are talking about to explain to u what exactly is in the paperwork. Someone other than the “salesman” that SOLD u the policy… Sounds like neither of u really understand how it works. Or whats actually in the policy
Life insurance policies don’t designate who gets the kids, that’s just the money.
A life insurance policy only designates who gets the money when you die, it has no legal standing on who gets custody of your children.
The way mad and my husband’s is set up our kids have a set of godparents and we have a will and then we have life insurance. Our will dictates who gets the kids and our life insurance and dictates if they get any of our life insurance. Like for example on my life insurance 96% of my life insurance would go to my spouse and then each one of my kids would get 1% at this time because they are young. In our wills we dictated that a certain person would get custody of the kids if we were to die if that person was unable to take them then it would go to the next person we listed. If he put the godfather on the life insurance I’m pretty sure that just means that the godfather would get the life insurance policy to take care of the kids. You actually need a will to show who the kids would go to or something written and notarized saying where the kids would go if you guys passed.
You need to talk to a financial planner. They way our policies are set up, the money goes to a trust and my father in law over sees the spending. Then my brother and his wife get our kids. It’s all laid out in our will. So my father in law would approve my brother to pull whatever funds he needs for our kids.
Please ask to see the document. Your children should be the secondary beneficiaries (after you). Your will would express your wishes on the care of the children and that person would most likely be appointed trustee of the life insurance until the children are 18, 21, etc.
First off…take a breath and calm down.
I’m gonna tell you something you’re gonna hate but you need to hear it.
Beneficiary to life insurance policy means they get the money from the policy. Doesn’t mean the person automatically gains custody of your children. That is a complete and separate document. That document cannot be signed work it generally has to be overseen by a lawyer or at least legally notorized.
He picked the person he trusted with his life insurance policy…with the money from it. Over his family and yours. Perhaps he feels like his friend is more responsible than you’d like to give him credit for.
Maybe you should open your eyes about his friend a little bit. The man works three jobs…that is maturity. Do you think he’d put in less effort for children he loves? Perhaps that’s why your husband feels he’d be the right choice.
Again, life insurance beneficiary does not mean he’s getting custody of your children if something were to happen. But yes, it’s clear your husband feels as though he’d be the best person. Maybe you should take the time to explore why.
- I’d also discuss why you were not listed as a beneficiary over the friend. Could be a red flag about your husband…could Also be a sign of red flags with you.
It could also just be he needed social security number on the spot and he didnt know yours. That’s how I ended up as my mom’s beneficiary. I was there and she needed social security number.
Life insurance policies only give out money. If you want to designate who the kids go to you have to set up a will. So I would find out what he did exactly and if your not okay with it you need to speak up. My husband and I decided together. It was a long conversation with breaks and arguments in between until we agreed. Whoever keeps the kids gets the life insurance money.
You need to get your hands on the paper work and, go to lawyer or someone that can explain it to you so you understand everything perfectly . if it something you do not agree with than Id ask what you can do about it. Life insurance is who gets money if someone passes.
God parents are to help guide your children through religion. There is nothing saying you have to leave your children to said god parent. You should have a will in place outlining that.
His friend only gets the money. Evan without a will family members would get the children if you both passed. He needs to leave your children beneficiary and apoint a guardian for the kids.
A life insurance policy does not decide custody in the event that you both pass away. That is a legal process that would be done through the court.
Life insurance policies doesn’t determine who gets the kids.
Life insurance doesn’t have anything to do with who would take ur kids if u both pass away. U need to make up a will
You can put an order of who gets the children first etc.
I’d go in an redo the paperwork. Even though they can not legally give your kids to him the money sure would go to him. And honestly I watch a lot of true crime and putting a “best friend” as a beneficiary is off putting.
Shattered, heartbroken, and crushed?
Girl. Do some research. Life insurance policies don’t work that way. It’s just a plan put into place to give money to survivors to help them be able to make it in case the sole providers are to pass away.
He needs your signature for a will for your children! He can’t just sign !
Is he your husband s friend or lover?
Oh no sis… that is why you need to be detailed on everything and u need ur own copies. Lawyer up regardless sis… because yea they might just get the money. But that would be money for the kids. I’d make sure to put someone u both trust.
Nothing is carved in stone. Discuss this with him and it can be changed.
Huge RED FLAG…sold a lot of life Insurance but you both need to sit down and come to an agreement about the life Insurance and the caring of your children. An attorney is needed if this can’t be settled.
I dont think that can be decided on a life insurance policy. He can name a beneficiary for the money, that’s about it. Guardianship papers for your kids are legal documents that would have to be done like a will or with a lawyer/court.
You did say he lined up his friend to be the “Godfather” of your children should you both pass, not that he would get custody, I would immediately defund your half of that policy and find your own life insurance that takes care of your kids, then take on the whole custody issue with a firm tone, he dissed you on this one
Where I am from Life Insurance and a Will determining who gets the kids are two completely different things. A beneficiary on a life insurance policy simple determines who gets the money from the policy. It does not determine who gets the kids or how the money is spent. Your husband could potentially be giving this man tons of money and your kids never see a dime. I would have you and your husband sit down and speak with a lawyer over this matter.