Sadly, I suspect the spark is gone for him. If you have to cry over his lack of attention or affection to you…then, either seek counseling (which he would probably resent) or start spending more time with your friends…In other words…let him be the one seeking more attention from you. Nothing is more painful than to suffer through a one sided loveless relationship…but, better you face reality and move on. Let him be the one to worry over the state of your feelings for him…Don’t whine, plead or lose your pride by acting like he’s more worthy than you…of expecting a loving and compatible marriage.
Going through the same
Inconsistent is really annoying
When you don’t know exactly where you stand in your partner’s life.
Its 11 years
Feels like I have wasted my time in this relationship
I apologize if I offend anyone… but I feel like I’m in the middle of a leave it to beaver episode! Make sure the little woman thanks him for everything he does, he’s tired let him wind down, give him a massage, thank him for doing the dishes…? Oh my… how about he checks his attitude and becomes the respectful husband that he signed up for when he got married! How about treating your wife with an ounce of respect, instead of tiptoing around him… and making sure he’s all good?.. Wow.
I was just like this… Eventually I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I wasn’t trying to take it out on my husband but I was out of control with horrible thoughts. After my diagnosis, I started taking meds and it got worse. I finally reached out to a therapist who did wonders. I still get a little up and down but not like I did. And no, you shouldn’t expect your partner to make you feel better with compliments but I understand it can be nice but don’t rely on him to make you feel better.
Some people just don’t feel like talking after working all day. Just hold hands and watch tv or cuddle. It doesn’t mean he is cheating.
This is exactly the same situation I was in with my ex husband and turns out he was on a bunch of dating apps and cheating on me.
I would say first stop crying to him, men hate that especially if they really didn’t do anything wrong. In his eyes he is just coming home from along day of hard work to a crying, nagging woman…don’t do that. If you think he is unhappy then get yourself together and do things with your kids without him, if he comes around and asks why are you doing things differently then you will have his attention and explain why. If he truly is still in love with you he will notice, if he doesn’t then you still have to get yourself together and be ready to move on…don’t waste the best years of you or your kids lives being sad, kids know more then we give them credit for!
Sabrina. I get home from work and I just need time to my self to unwind. We all have our stresses from the day. This is how. Life and relationship work.
FIRST: Stop asking people on here. Maybe talk to him about it calmly. I know it may be hard but try not to cry or get angry when you do.
Do you date him any more? Do you do fun things together any more? Is your whole life about him and the kids or do you do things for you? Do YOU feel better when you dress up or are you fishing for his attention? He truly CANT make you feel better. That’s on you. What do you do well? What are you good at? What is your passion? What is HE doing well? Have you thought about the weight you are putting on him? Your emotional well being isn’t his responsibility… nor your children’s!!! Start your days by writing out your positives…. His positives. Do you compliment him? Or is all he ever hears from you complaints? And for goodness sake, get yourself some therapy for that self esteem issue so you don’t train your children to be defined by their looks!!!
In all honesty as sad as it it
I would say that those compliments that u once used to receive is now towards someone else
As you said ,he is working,do you work? Whether full or part time I think you need to have something that’s all yours.you would have things to talk about that is mutual between you( work). You need to fulfill your wants and he needs to be your cheerleader as you need to be his.times are weird now and if you love each other for real then you both need your time without and your time with.you sound to be very lonely and a job will help.good luck.
Try going to a therapist together. Sounds like he has disconnected from you it happened relationship are not 50/50 sometimes their 80/20 or 95/5:frowning: doesn’t mean he is cheating or looking to leave sometime we all fall out of connection with each other talk about it go to a therapist and talk about it. Hell if he won’t do that then leave show him what life will be like without. Go away for a week talk some time apart. A lot of the time that is what relationship need is time away space distance to reconnect. We all get tired of each other friends family and husband and wife. Hell I’m about to throw mine out the F#€+ing house I have been out of work since July ( Nursing) becuas I fell pregnant) he has been working from home since the start of the pandemic. And company might let him stay virtual 🪦 we have spend way to much time together that at least once a month I take a me weekend weather to my moms or a girl weekend at the hotel. We need that!!! Or we would kill each other!!! Lmao J/K but seriously
You guys probably don’t have a lot in common. Maybe there is something you do on a regular basis that bothers him. It’s tough. The worst thing you can do is antagonize him. This will make it worse. I don’t know either of you personally, but there is a possibility you aren’t very compatible but he trusts you and doesn’t want to move on. I’ve seen relationships where people stay together and actually start to live separate lives just so they can tolerate each other. Because they are too opposite to work together. These are only ideas, I’m trying to be completely honest. There is definitely something that’s not working in the relationship. It might be fixable it might not. Try to figure out the triggers that make him the most angry. Could be work, money, the way you talk to him. If he ever lashes out, that is usually a big thing that bothers him.
Going thru a divorce because of this very issue. We grew apart. Good luck
7 year itch. He needs to feel needed and wanted and appreciated. Do you go on date night?
Get a sitter and do something spontaneous, get a hotel, jacuzzi, an outfit from Victoria Secret. Buy him a cologne, get your nails done, change your hair color, or style or both, spice it up a little. You got this. This new way of living is tough on all of us, especially men who put food on the table and work.
Truth that…yes and it can destroy you and your self esteem …I would leave as he can’t or won’t.I really would.
Something has caused him to drift apart and/or lose interest in the current marital situation and may feel some guilt about it; and communication seems to have ceased to exist. The two should seek counselling and see what is going on and what direction they should take.
My husband just got home from being gone 5 days and was okay at first but got so annoyed and bothered he told me and the kids to go inside bc he wanted to be left alone and all the loudness pisses him off.its like this every Friday
Find a counselor. Go your Self, even if your husband refuses to go.
Make going a top priority. Making paying absolutely a budget item.
Divorce is hard. Staying married is hard. Choose your hard.
You have children. You must do everything possible because of the children.
Be willing to look at your SELF too.
Been married 54 years.
If my husband said I looked nice I’d call 911.
7 years…Facts are all the Hollywood, Martha Stewart, The Batchelor, Kardashian, drama, all the romantic dates,candles, wedding, moving in with eachother, first house, new baby, yadda yadda is OVER!
Now you have life to deal with EVERY day, bills, kids, work, cleaning, exhusted, chores, family, life.
Sorry! It’s not a movie! It’s hard, boring, costly, exhausting.
Occasionally there’s great sex…not often. It’s grownup life.
Find a way to count your blessings, be happy, treasure the time with the children, and find some meaning in your lives. It’s hard! Sorry!
My husband told me I sounded like nails on a chalk board
Do you ask him how his day was? Make it about him and not you? Maybe he’s had rough days at work and just wants to come home and relax and not be bombarded. Idk but y’all should get therapy.
Marriage goes through phases. Ive been with my husband 44 years. We fell in and out of love so many times because sometimes we only liked each other. We never given up. Someone told me to fill his cup so full that it runs down to everyone else. Men want and desire respect and God says we must. God also says he must love you and protect you. 20-30 min. To unwind from work is absolutely needed before regarded with questions or demands. He should always has ultimate say on all decisions. Sometime you can give one way off the wall and one you think is great. Whatever HE CHOOSES; he is held responsible for his family. Respect that… Men answer to God. More weighs on shoulders in long run. Praise him for his efforts and success. Keeps him motivated. Where sexy pjs and undies with out rips and stains. Make him want to come home. Fix your hair and look nice. He will be proud to have the best looking woman of his friends. When he feels so good about himself by you… He isnt goi g to want to loose YOU !!! He will want to keep being enough for YOU too. Do unto others you want done unto you… It truly works ! Keep giving… Comes back 10 fold eventually. I promise… They learn sooner or later.
Have you considered therapy? For just you? Then see if he would be willing to do a session or two of couples therapy?
Do you talk mostly about the kids? I find my female friends on a night out drone on and on about their kids and have very little else to talk about. My make friends say their kids are good and talk about other stuff
Maybe he had a crap day. Do you ask how his day was? Men need that too.
No something is wrong. Lack of 2 WAY conversation is relationship survival
Do you really want to be in a relationship where your only wanted out of pity ?
The problem is y’all want to know if somethings wrong until we tell y’all what the problem is. Then it gets blamed on everything but that. Or what’s bothering us will get fixed for a month or two then back to old ways. So eventually we grow thicker skin and just learn this is how it is.
Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket give him a dose of his own medicine if he’s gonna test your waters he better know how to swim
Mine acted this way and he was cheating
Dang why go too a therapist just go on FB can get help.
Live your life. Enjoy the kids and let him be… on his own Don’t care about him. You and the kids. Trust me been there
Don’t let him pull you down. Love your life!
Definitely sounds like stress.
Tell him you are a lady all women and you need him to love you
I’m going through a very similar situation, please feel free to message me.
Stop making yourself readily available to him
I’d suggest couples therapy if he is willing
Reading these comments makes me never want to get married
“Yes! I am just your wife. I will never be your partner!” - a philosopher once said. - sharon cuneta, madrasta:sweat_smile:
He definitely has someone else, leave his ass
Just put it as work stress and tiredness
Just stop showing him such attention. If he sees its not bothering u then it’s gonna bother him
Sounds like there might be someone else.
Try the 5 love languages
Divorce him. Don’t wait for people to change, change your situation.
Every relationship has high points and low points… the more you stress the worse it gets. As long as he’s not giving you a reason to worry express your needs calmly and clearly… sometimes guys need a road map of what we need!
Learn what your love language is and help discover what his is. Words aren’t always ways to say I love you, I miss you, I need you, I’m happy with you. Guys don’t communicate the same. Figuring out each of your love languages will help you understand each other.
You both should seek counseling.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Before this feed gets flooded with
HE HAS SOMEONE ELSE
Consider what Ashley Guthrie and Shantelle Elain said.
Both are very true, as well as couples counseling and or marriage counseling.
But to be completely honest. Consider what these two lovely ladies said.
Sounds like he’s met someone. Focus on yourself and your babies. I know it’s hard, and easier said than done. Don’t feed into him. Men love when we’re a mess. Stand firm and let him be. You do you.
Girl tell him what you need from him and if he can’t do it then leave. Life is way too short to be unhappy. Yall have history, talk to him. Make him listen. Don’t talk about anything else. If its making you uncomfortable it needs to be fixed. And if he can’t do that for you then ur better off on ur own anyway. I do agree with Chantelle. If he used to and now he’s not something changed in there…
get real, the " I’m in Love" feeling comes and goes
How about u leave hes clearly not happy & you arent either.every woman deserves to be loved and appreciated especially when u are trying ur best. Leave his ass
Have you asked how he feels? Like if anything is bothering him? Is he possibly depressed? That would explain the inconsistency. Relationships tend to get comfortable & sometimes we forget to do the little things we use to! Communication is key
He’s definitely cheating! There’s no point on communicating with him! Just do your own thing and the truth comes out eventually! Treat him how he treats you! I’m so sorry but this is so common in relationships/ marriage! Hang in there you’ll get through this
Married for nine years here, so let me tell you we definitely had out struggles I felt this was to earlier in our marriage we have 4 kids but when we had the third, things got rough we were going separate ways. I don’t know what changed or how it did. But all I know when I started to do things for me, I started to get happier, he noticed and became attracted to me again. Tl
So my advice is do little things for yourself, enough for you to get excited about. Weather it be a new excercise class, new group of people, nail dip (who cares) . But those things will lift you up.
Also don’t look for compliments, yes I understand hes your husband, but we all grow and change, just learn how to do it together but first do u girl!
Think he found Tinder🤷🏽♂️
Been there. Don’t talk to him. Be Very very happy with yourself when he gets home. I have a saying I heard somewhere “bake your own cookies”. Don’t ask him any questions. Not even “how is dinner?” Believe me, pull back, way back and see what happens. You could be in a rut, both of you, and not know it. Remember, little eyes are watching you. Model a badass mom!
OK u need to ask him to sit down and have me time for both of u to address these issues. Then it’s clear he needs counselling how to communicate. Very important in a marriage. But I think he do love u. Just miscommunication from both side
Counseling…and if he wont put forth the effort then he isnt worth your effort either. When your children are grown then it will just be you and him. Think about that…will you be happy? You should work on developing your relationship with yourself. Be happy with you because he may not be around.
Maybe it’s just work related
Are you putting out regularly?just sayin🤷♂️
Why do you need compliments do you feel insecure about yourself
Sounds like he’s cheating. Confront him. If he is cheating, give him the boot.
He sounds bi-polar…
I had a relationship like yours and he was a cheat. Only interested in himself and emotionally unavailable.
Maybe you need to set him down and ask him if he’s depressed, or if there’s any other mental issues going on. Suggest he talked to somebody. My first thought is obviously infidelity, but I can’t roll out the fact that maybe he’s just depressed.
And the blame and the need to correct the situation is being placed at Her feet! Wow! Some of you’ll…
Remind him of the importance of communication in a marriage. I can’t believe the amount of women that are twisting this all onto you! If he doesn’t want to talk, talk to a counselor and maybe try to talk him into going as a couple. This can work out but you need both open avenues of communication. I completely understand how you feel.
Men are stupid sometimes and they can’t relate to a woman unless they are send themselves just let him do him and you do you meet in the middle for the kiddos it will work itself out maybe just stressed at work some take it out on the wives just hang in there give it some time
The heading sentence should’ve been: We don’t communicate. Advice? That the bigger problem.
Men are stupid, 7 years and I take care of everything. Dont dig to deep. He loves you.
he sounds like a typical man. it probably seems like you are nagging him after he’s been at work all day. and for all the women saying he’s having an affair you must have very low self esteem or have been in relationships with utter morons.
He’s already left you mentally. I suggest you do the same physically.
Seek couples therapy
Sounds like your love language words of affirmation, check out the love languages quiz everyone shows a different love language
Read the book THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES!!! PLEASE
I sympathize with you.
Do you compliment him
Tired and or stress can do it .
I can completely relate
Gtfo of there. Life is too short.
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He has someone else!!!
Sounds like he may be cheating. When she’s occupying his time, he wants all of her attention. He’s focused on her. So he takes that frustration out on you. When they aren’t in a good space, he turns that charm on with you since he’s not getting that affection from the other at the time…he’s giving you just enough to stay around b/c he’s too selfish to let you go.
Maybe he needs a job change. Or a hobby outside of the house. He sounds straight up burnt out. I’m sure you are too.
Ask him if he is willing to go to marriage counseling. If he says No, pack up and leave. He has fallen out of love. Be happy. If this is a true story. Go.be happy. Marriage is not to be sad between 2 people…
If you have to keep on him about this stuff it’ll only push him away more. Focus on making yourself happy with or without him, because this sounds like needy behavior, which is a turn-off to anyone. When you find happiness within you will naturally become more attractive…& you won’t even have to ask him for attention.
That guy is burnt out from work and home routines, and likely from his partner. Might need a job change, counseling and vacation.
It is funny that so many women instantly claims he is cheating…typical. He could be irritated about something in life and doesn’t want to talk about it cause he thinks no one will understand in which his wife will, but maybe pride gets in the way. Remember…three sides to every story.
What is she doing for herself in terms of personal growth, hobbies, fulfillment, self esteem, separate from her husband? It seems like she’s got a lot of her own sense of self wrapped up in him and how he is when he comes home. He sounds like he has something going on he needs to work through, which might be separate from her.
Sounds like it may be depression. Emotional detachment is super common with depression /anxiety.
On the other hand there could be somebody else and he’s detaching from your relationship in preparation to move on to the next.
It sounds like you’re constantly worried about what he’s thinking and feeling. That only serves to make him focus on himself, too. Turn some of your energy toward your own happiness, and watch him follow suit.
It sounds like your expessing yourself to him and he ain’t hearing you. You got to get strong about and say “hey look, this is important to me and it’s becoming a problem in our relationship!”
His reaction should be that he wants to fix it.
If it ain’t then im kinda thinkn it’s suspish
It could very well be depression and or bipolar depression… Has he even been diagnosed with it before?: