My husband never defends me, am I right to be upset?

Whenever his friends, family, etc. talks crap about me or says something bad about me, he never defends me. Even to people that have done me wrong, he doesn’t defend me. He just kind of cowers in the corner. It’s not a one time only occurrence. It’s been this way since we’ve been together. He’s a very confrontational person, so it’s not that he’s too shy or timid to do it. It’s very wrong in my eyes. He’s betrayed me in more ways than one, and this is only one of them. Am I wrong for being upset?
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No, I would be upset too. Your spouse needs to realize that the family he makes is more important then the family he came from.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband never defends me, am I right to be upset?

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Hell no, he should stand up for you always.

Yes he should step up to the plate

Nope. Not wrong at all. He should defend you to anyone

My husband is very over protective when it comes to me. He will call out anyone it doesn’t matter who it is. You need to call him out that is definitely not okay he is supposed to be your protector.

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I would be upset too. A mama job is to defend his woman and family! My husband has literally tried to fight people and chased people down just for calling me a bitch.

Why are you allowing people who don’t like both of you in your lives? It sounds like you both need to work on healthy boundaries with family and friends. Not everyone should have an open invitation to your peace. And if you’re constantly surrounded in drama, you may need to not only look at your circle but inwardly too. Decide what you’re willing to tolerate and what you’re not. Personally I wouldn’t put up with my husband not sticking up for me, and the fact that people are comfortable disrespecting you in front of him.

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Definitely in the same boat! I feel like when you are married your wife should come first. That’s the family you are choosing to make. He should defend you. You would defend him if the tables were turned? My husband always sides with his family even if they are in the wrong. I’m constantly made to be the bad person. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel?

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Not wrong at all. He should stand up for you against anyone.

does he have balls? Tell him to grow some! You should always have your mates back!

Leave him you deserve to only have people in your circle who truly care about you and who always will have your back Lide is way too shirt

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I wonder why people are so comfortable disrespecting you in front of him to begin with, much less why he is not defending you.

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Why are so many people talking bad about you? He probably agrees with them…

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Its probably because he talks shit about you to them.

wow. not acceptable in my books. if he agrees, should take aside and discuss with you. if not should speak the eff up. my ex did not speak to his own sister for 8 yrs over something similar - bit extreme perhaps but he stood up

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He doesn’t defend you coz he is the one who gave them that power, investigate you will find that he is the one who bad mouths you to them that’s why they feel so entitled to disrespect you.

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Sounds like you aren’t defending yourself either. If your husband does not stand up for you then he is choosing them over you. By accepting it you are teaching him it’s alright to choose them over you. Know your worth, if he doesn’t see it then it’s time to move on to a relationship you deserve.

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Why are y’all married? :woman_facepalming:
Have you asked him where his balls are??? Why are they so comfy being rude in front of him, toward you, anyway??? :thinking:

My MIL showed up one Saturday (unannounced & uninvited) and ignored my son, while he stood there. But, she loved all over my SD. I was LIVID. We don’t treat them different, my mom didn’t treat them different…so her behavior was out of line. My 7yr old was devastated. :angry:
I told my hubs to address it. If I had, it wouldn’t have gone well.
He told her, “That is MY son. That is MY daughter. If you can’t treat them they same, ESPECIALLY WHILE MY SON IS STANDING THERE, don’t come to my home. You’re not welcome. He doesn’t deserve that and it won’t be tolerated.”
Had he not said anything, I would’ve left. It’s that simple.

Mine did the same thing. We are not married anymore

He should stand up for you with everyone. Your his wife and equal

Stop defending him…also start letting it be known every time

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We don’t always need a reaction to someone else’s… but y would alllllll these ppl be saying anything?

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You even look at me sideways and my boyfriend is ready to throw hands. If he doesn’t defend you, I don’t see him putting in the effort to work on healthy boundaries. In the end it has to be your decision to make but in my personal opinion, I’d leave. Love is blind, but it’s not the only thing that makes a relationship work.

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I believe you stand up for what you believe to be right everything else mind your own business i dont think your husband needs to defend you defend yourself

I was verbally attacked by a man to the point he almost hit me. My husband did nothing to defend me. I didn’t understand and I was broken hearted. :broken_heart:
I just didn’t understand. A few months later I found out he was cheating on me. How could he defend me when he was doing me wrong in every way. Just something to think about.

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Oh no it’s a bad idea to disrespect me in front of my husband! the f***?
Also Why are you even around people who disrespect you?
You are in charge of your circle and those that are around you.
If he’s not defending you I’m assuming he is the one that is telling them this bad information.
Life is too short to be with a person who does not have your back, how can you build a future on that!

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I believe love ad loyalty go hand in hand. Sounds like he may be talking behind your back as well. Sorry i wish you well.

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I can agree that he should be standing up for you, but at some point, you need to grow a backbone. You give them the power to hurt you when you stay silent. If it was me, I’d have already left. It’s not worth my time or sanity.

Time to leave. He clearly doesn’t care enough about you to have your back in a situation. Also, if that many people talk smack about you on a regular basis, I would think he’s talking smack to them about you also…

Why are so many people talking crap about you may be the question?

If He isnt in your corner, He is against you. How dare He do that to you. You are suppose to be His mate, His partner, you have each others backs, thru thick or thin. Not the butt of jokes or comments. My ex was like that, took me 4 yrs to realize I deserved better. Now I have a real prince. The only time I cry over a man now is when I think about something happening to him and living without him. I would wrap him in bubble wrap if I could. I use to work ambulance and fire dept Ive seen how fast things change, so think about it once in a while.

My husband will not even let my children disrespect me. He tells them, “dont talk to my wife that way”. He even told our neighbor not to call his own wife a b*&^% around him anymore. He called me that in passing one day refering to me and I told him that was not acceptable. My husband told him, not to call me that again at all.

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Talk to him about how it makes you feel. Is their a trend to what people say about you? Self reflection is important as well. I would communicate your feelings with him and also talk about how he views you. My husband would never tolerate someone talking bad about me and I about him. However we view each other as first. Even our kids will say we don’t have a favorite because we are each other’s favorites! You may need to work on building your relationship and work on what is broken.

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They are saying these things simply because they hear him say it. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before- after all it’s come from his own mouth. So he sees it as acceptable. I’d be more than upset… I’d dump him

Just out of curiosity, are the things they say true? :thinking: Are you there while they’re saying them? The biggest question of all is why do people feel so comfortable talking :poop: about you around him? If he’s not defending you, he probably agrees. Have you asked him why he doesn’t defend you? If not, you should probably start there. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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He should stand up for you. He wants to be with you right? So… It’s just as bad as if he was talking bad about you with them or even behind your back to others. If you’re going to disrespect them then why be with them

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My husband has my back, just as I have his. I think everyone should defend their spouse in these situations. You are a team. People should know your husband won’t tolerate this behavior before they ever utter the first word.

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My ex-husband was like that. Emphasis on ex.

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I deal with the same thing and it’s been 14 years. I’ve learned to defend myself.

Nope ! I deal with same issue.

Um everyone talking crap about you maybe he thinks you are part of the problem. That’s too much drama you’re an adult defend yourself.

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Stand up for yourself, if he doesn’t then he is not worth the effort either

Why are so many people talking crap about you??? Maybe he doesn’t feel like they’re wrong.

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Obviously you haven’t found your tribe yet. Neither your S/O nor the other groupies are your friends. Look elsewhere!

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A husband is supposed to stand up for his wife, if my husband acted like that we’d be done :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I would definitely sit and communicate with him about this. My husband and I had this issue for a good solid year when we first got married. I always defended myself but his idea of defending me if just to avoid the issue. After so long of seeing I wasn’t the issue he finally out a foot down and now definitely does

That’s probably because he talks about you to them. If he speaks up they’ll call him out on it lol.

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If he doesn’t stand up for you then why aren’t you standing up for yourself?

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Get rid of him !
You shouldn’t deal with that . Life is short .
It’s not worth it .

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No ur not wrong…in my experience when ur man or ur mom or ur BFF doesn’t defend u it because they agree with what’s being said which isn’t bad per say but if they cared they’d say hey u should talk to her about that I know what ur saying and if u talk to her shed understand hopefully u would

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Stand up for yourself?

Yes. You should be angry and he should defend you no matter what.

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The last time my husband defended me his dad beat him up

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Hell no. You are not wrong. He is suppose to defend you, just as you are suppose to defend him. You two are suppose to be a team. Somebody speaking ill of you should offend him. That being said; If he doesn’t defend you against whoever right in front of your face, imagine what he does behind your back.
I can’t tell you what to do. But if I were you… I would send his ass packing. And find someone who’s ready to fight the world with me if it came down to it.

You need a new boyfriend.

He must be guilty of talking crap too then. I’d call him out right in front of them. I’d even be like oh really? He says the same about all of y’all. See what they say then. You have all the answers you need

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Just because he’s confrontational doesn’t mean he’s got a backbone. Usually a sign of insecurity of self and won’t commit to others in a normal relationship.

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Why are all these ppl talking crap about you and if they are, why are y’all still around them?? Maybe rid those ppl from your life.

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Nope. He should be your best friend and biggest supporter. If he can’t do the most basic of things and be your defender when needed, what is he really doing?

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No you’re not, but accept that if he doesn’t have your back that you see, imagine all he allows that that you don’t know. I recognize a narcissist, he probably only steps up for himself. A coward is a coward

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Stand up for yourself…don’t wait for the Knight in shining armor

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What is his relationship to the people who talk badly about you? Family conditioning or the understanding he will be “punished” in some way for contradicting them may make him act passive with these people vs. others. Or he could be feeling like it’s him against a crowd, so not worth the onslaught if he pushes back.

Otherwise, what everyone else said.

He should be sticking up for you especially if the other people are in the wrong.

So why you still with him? Don’t say children.

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I’ve been there. His family treated me horribly. Come to find out, he was talking horribly about me to them. Mostly lies, of course. Or he would tell them how I reacted to his abuse but never what he did to me because “they would know how he really is.”

Even when it’s just you against them, stand your ground. They probably say you’re crazy already. Live up to it. :tipping_hand_woman:t2::heart:

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It could be because he’s talked badly about you to them. Its time to stand up for yourself.

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I’d definitely be upset. If he doesn’t have your back, who does?

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He’s there to protect u and that also means from getting your feelings hurt…if he can’t do that he needs to move on…u need to know he loves u and will be there for u and to protect u from shit like that…my opinion

It’s been that way since day one, how long has this been happening?

So it’s time to stand up for yourself! Don’t wait or expect anyone do it for you.

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So I’m on the fence with this… my husbands friends/coworkers don’t talk bad about me to him. Really it’s my family that is bad, but he doesn’t defend me to them. I talked to him about how much it hurt me that he didn’t stand up for me and he shared with me that he couldn’t say anything because he didn’t know if he had enough self control not to really let them have it (which we both know would make it worse).

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I’m wondering why so many people are talking about you… it’s just not really a common issue in adulthood unless you are apart of the problem or drama or are creating these problems. I agree with other people, he may feel like they’re not wrong for it. What are they saying and why? No one talks shit about me where he has to come to my defense. If they do we don’t hear about it. Also I am the one in the relationship to speak up. So I’ve never needed anyone to stick up for me or handle situations like this for me. Maybe try standing up for yourself.

Yeah absolutely. He should stick up for you. Even harmless jokes can cross lines

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Young one - why do you care what others say- be the adult in the situation and ignore it sweetie. They don’t pay your bills or take care of you. Those who usually talk smack are really unhappy with there life so they push off the attention to others. You need to find out “ why” he won’t and go from there. Communication kiddo.

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He doesn’t respect you … move on!!

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So why are you with him? :face_with_raised_eyebrow: get out and find yourself.

Definitely not ok he should have ur back always. If he’s not defending you I would wonder what hes saying about you behind your back. If he can’t man up and start respecting and defending you, you’re gonna need to grow a backbone and give him and everyone else the🖕 you deserve better!!!

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Hell no your not wrong. If he’s not defending you he gives no f*cks about you.

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Unfortunately you married a willow not a oak so you either gotta get used to it or leave

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What did you do that caused them to talk bad about you? Maybe they want him to wise up by telling on you.

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You need to learn to defend yourself

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I’d be seperating from him. He should defend you and why would he hang out with people so willing to disrespect you in front of him ?? That’s cruddy !

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My husband was identical. He would always stick up for everyone else except me. I mean I could stand up for myself so I didn’t really need him, but I always stood up for him. It was just totally wrong. Eventually I divorced him, but that was a very small part of the equation. He liked the bottle more than anything and that was the tipping point.

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I could have written this. In my case, we went to therapy and I found that he felt that free was in a difficult situation defending me because we were relying on the other person at the time literally to survive. He has since gotten a bit better.

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1st of all you said this has been going on from day 1. Why are they talking crap to you or about you all this time ?? maybe he sees it as the truth or he just doesn’t care about you . Sorry but you should of left from day 1…

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Because he’s not a real Man

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Leave him because I’ve had this issue myself and I made it an issue in the relationship and I demanded that he made them stop or I leave it happened again I packed my shit then he knew how serious I was about it

I’m upset at u… why do u need ur husband to defend u to ppl… don’t u have a mouth. Learn to stand up for urself… my answer always at the top of my tongue… start putting ppl in their place and giving ur husband a piece of ur mind… speak up darling… the world ain’t getting nicer

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Why are you allowing that many people to be rude and talk about you. Your an adult. I agree he should stand up for you but I don’t understand why so many are talking about you.

Have you considered removing the need to be defended? Are you sure you need defended?

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Are u mute speak for yourself and what did u door say that u need to be defended :thinking::thinking::thinking:

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband never defends me, am I right to be upset?

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”

They insult you, they insult him.

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My man will do anything in his power to protect and defend me and his family. He would be gone in a heartbeat your worth more than what your getting from him yoir not his Queen if hes not doing that for u and you should be a Queen.

Honestly either let him go or let him know that you want him to defend you and if he’s not going to goodbye. And move on. I have no other advice

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If he has been like that your entire relationship and you feel like he has been betraying you, why did you get married? Of course you have a right to be upset, it is unacceptable behavior, but it’s the old “what you allow will continue” Doesn’t sound like he is the one for you.

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You are not wrong for feeling upset, however, you are wrong for seeing it from the beginning and staying😭

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That is not right, ask him why and give him an ultimatum

Not wrong for being upset. My solution is send him his walking papers!

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