My husband planned a date night and included our kids: Thoughts?

Yesterday I told my husband I really needed a date night and we were GOING to HAVE to have someone watch the kids overnight. (I just had a baby a month 1/2 ago, and I have a 2,9) Today he suggests that after his meeting at work, I am to go with him on a mandatory date. Which was a surprise that I was super happy about, but then I realized and asked: “what about the kids?”. He said, “They’re coming too. We have to learn to take them with us anyway. Don’t we?” This is where I got upset. I understand we have to learn to bring the kids everywhere. But I specifically said, “we will need a babysitter for all night.” This is for my own sanity. Mom shames me if you must, but I know I’m a damn good mom. I just need a night to drink, cry, and be alone for once. I’m under so much family stress, and I need some self-healing. I’m not upset at this sweet, sweet attempt to take me on a date, but how do I tell him I’m at my wit’s end and in desperate need to drink without the kids …without hurting his feelings for genuinely trying?


Organise a baby sitter as a ‘ surprise’ then tell him. You want him all to yourself.

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YOU get the sitter and tell hubby that the night is for the two of you only. You have to still date one another and have that time away. Just because you have children, doesn’t mean you stop existing as husband and wife. Good luck! :heart:


I would be upset too. My husband has done this before, or set up a date that only he liked. I hope no mom ever shames you for needing some time to yourself. It’s something every single person needs from time to time and especially moms. I would just be calm when you tell him. “Thank you for the fun night, but can I be honest with you?” Men are so slow at things compared to women. Just be tell him girl! I hope you get the time you need momma!

Take charge and get the sitter


Why not do a girls night or a mom night? 100% Jacqui that’s a great idea too!!! :heart::heart:

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Stroke his ego and tell him you want just the two of you no distractions. Make it seem like it’s all about him when in actuality it’s about you. There’s nothing wrong with needing a breather from all your roles and responsibilities.


That is not date night. That’s a family dinner


Everyone needs a break once in a while, it isnt anything to be shamed over. He basically planned a family outing not a date night. Plan a night yourself that’s kid free and sit him down to explain to him why its important that you get nights either to yourself or one on one with him.

Just a thought but maybe he isn’t comfortable leaving the six week old alone yet?


I felt this way last week. I needed a night from EVERYONE. So my sister in law and I got a room out on the beach and we bailed on our families for 24 hrs.
It was amazing. I came home and scrubbed vomit off the wall cause someone was sick but i wasnt even upset about cleaning. You gotta do what you gotta do. Even if its just a night. Im definitely doing it again.

I still feel so much better.

I feel you momma I do a mom night once a year where I get a hotel and daddy stays home and watches the kids be honest with him tell him you need a night away without the children

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start crying and say you just needed a good break. maybe he is going to surprise you… maybe he already has a sitter lined up???

Get on birth control quick!! You need alone time but keep having kids!! Get some friends together, have a girls night out and leave hubby at home with the kids!!


I would have left him and the kids home and taken myself out on a date :joy:

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I so agree with you!!! You and your hubby need alone time!

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Let him go away . . then you have the house all to yourself!!

I feel you should be grateful. It may not be the best situation but you make it what you want.

Plan a date night Yourself and husband. Get a babysitter and you won’t be disappointed.


Find a babysitter yourself


Just be honest and tell him!!

Get a babysitter, date nights are for couples. You are definitely not a bad mum for insisting on this ,alone time is important

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That is not date nite date nite id u and him.

We all need a break from our kids. He’d be watching the kids while I went on my own. I’d need a break from him too. Why doesn’t he want to be alone with you?

Set up the sitter before the date and tell hubby change of plans. If he’s up set, then go take yourself to dinner and drinks and leave him home with the kids. And then go to a hotel and sleep in!!!

NOT A SINGLE MOM WOULD SHAME YOU! every mom needs a break for our own sanity. Do not feel bad about that! I can’t offer any advice except maybe ask family to watch the kids ? If they cant do over night try asking for the whole day instead ?


Most men don’t set up dates with children but he did. What if your big night was all about him planning a special night for all of you. I say, enjoy the night with family & plan a Mani/Pedi day with a friend(s). Lunch & drinks. Then plan asap for a special night for the two of you only. Self care is important too. And it’s always a blast being pampered while hanging out with your friends. Perhaps even doing the pampering on the day of the big date.


I doubt that hurts his feelings. What about yours. U need a break once in a while as nd he should take u out if he cant give that much cross your legs til he gets it

Leave him at home w the kids & go out w your girls 🤷😊


I say fuck his feelings he obviously doesn’t give a shit about yours. When it comes to love and relationships the man should understand you can’t always have kids around all the time otherwise you will lose your sanity.


Go out with friends, let him watch the kids.

I would not leave my baby overnight

Just tell him, I think we all get in our own heads on how we think the people we know will react and don’t give them the chance to. Show your emotions and be up front. I think you will be surprised, he was already trying to do good by you but wasn’t fully aware of the amount you needed.


Why don’t you just tell him. Tell him everything you told us & make it clear that you really appreciate how thoughtful he is but you were thinking about it just being both of you & no kids.


He might have something special planned even with the kids you might enjoy it

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Girls night? Girls holiday even better💓

Fellow mama here… an ideal date night would certainly be just you and Hubby, but at least he is putting forth effort to get you out the house. He’s not necessarily doing anything wrong, just let him know kindly after your date you can’t wait to have him to yourself for the night, and plan for a babysitter next time


Thats family night not date night lol


Hell no, it’s not your job to always get the sitter. Ya have a convo that you need ADULT time and to reconnect with you as a couple. Ask him to set up a date and a sitter and surprise you with a location. And let him know you need to feel taken care of too.

And no shame here. Moms need mom time. Without kids, without chores, and sometimes without hubby.


In this instance -pay for a sitter to look after the kids while you go & get yourself pampered BEFORE you go out . Also while he has arranged for this after work . it is still up to you to prepare the kids to go out ., unless he is stepping up & doing that once he gets home.
But do tell him - that YES , while you are fully aware that you need to get used to taking the kids out with you - YOU need time just with him in order to keep your connection going & to just concentrate on him for a few hours.

I believe that is is important in a relationship where children are involved , to make time just for the 2 of you. You need time as a couple , time as a family & time for yourself .
Unfortunately there are so many people who don’t see this. you need to remember that the children are not going to be with you forever, they grow up & move away - so if you haven’t taken the time for the two of you, there is often nothing left .

GOOD on you for acknowledging that you need the time out .

Totally get it. :sparkling_heart: re education of hubby x

Sit him down and and let him read this post. You said it clearly. If he gets hurt or upset then calmly say, I love you and I need you to read it again. Take your time so that you understand what I am saying to you.”

He will get it and he won’t be hurt. He loves you and sometimes men (like us) need to stop and be in the now in order to see what is in front of them. It can be hard for them to slow down too.

Your husband is being an ass. You’re headed for mom burnout. There are great articles on the effects of mom burnout. Downloaded some for your husband before you take a much needed break. Schedule a massage, go get a manicure, have lunch with friends or whatever stress free activity you enjoy.

Just tell him … if he is a good man he will undetstand.

Girl i would never shame any mother wanting a break. You can still be a good mom when having time alone. Tell your husband to stay home with the kids take your spot for the day to show him what it’s like. Mothers are the hardest working people in this world and we don’t ever get time to just be us but the men do. Tell him to take the kids on a date and you and your girl friends go out !!! You deserve your time without the kids just like every mother should !!

Kids goes to sleep at some point drink at home.

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Mothers need time to recharge the batteries. Date Night means NO KIDS. One night out isn’t going to kill you or dad. What he needs to understand is that you need time especially after having a child.

I have four children and I’m with them every single day. I get driven insane myself and when I need time, I take it. A healthy mother means healthy children. If you can’t recharge then how can you stay calm and care for those children.

I have made a night every other week where I have a group of friends come over, whether they’re single or in couples. And we play cards against humanity. My SO is also part of this. It helps not just us but those that come over have time away from children.

Nothing wrong with having you time either. If he can’t understand this then go out with the girls whether he likes it or not. I do it and I come home safe and able to function perfectly the next day.

You can do it too.

You dont need a date night…by what your saying you need a girly night with your freinds to just release and relax x


I think it’s odd you have demanded a date night then are upset he has organised a mandatory date :woman_shrugging:
He may not want to leave such a young baby with a babysitter


Forgive him.You take the lead on adult date night :blush:

Just have to tell him

You can’t tell him without hurting his feelings. Either book a sitter and surprise him with that or after the date night tell him it was great but next time you need some adult time because you are with the kids all day and sometimes you just need grown up time…

Your baby is barely 6 weeks old. An overnight already? You’re asking a lot. My son will be three and we have yet to have a date night let alone an overnight. Kudos to this dad.

Set it up yourself with babysitter and all. Then approach him with the plans. Sometimes men are clueless and need a little push. It’s great that he tried, but he obviously didn’t understand wanting it to be just the 2 of you for a change.

Tell him or have family take the kids overnight and plan the date yourself. There is also daycare a couple of days a week to have no kid time and chill. There is too much put on moms to have ME time. I don’t see it but make the plans yourself and make sure the money is there if you do. Nothing worse than a night out you can’t afford. Good Luck

Tell him to watch the kids and go spend the night with friends or a close family member and let it all out.

You are right. Not sure why some men do not get this!! Just too dense I guess

Moms n dads need a break to from family n kids your.not off your.rocker.for saying so just tell him his in the right place but you need time out youd like to have a date night just with him get a sitter pay for it and be done good luck

Ain’t no date night with the kids! That would be called family night! Tell that to his brain!

Go without him and he can babysit… Over night

I get it totally. Mummy needs a little space to socialize after child birth. Husbands can’t understand.

I agree you get the babysitter because you need this time with him

I agree :100: every mom needs a ME TIME !

Tell him just that… egh don’t worry about mommy shaming… someone will always be negative

Id just be honest with him and get a good good sitter. Someone you can 100% trust. Im sure he would enjoy a night away too💜

I would have stuck him with the kiddos, gone home and had several big glasses of wine in a bubble bath.

Then taught him the definition of “date”.

You guys need to have a date night. Every so often to keep thing fresh is how someone told me. I am a new mom and yet to actually get out, without my son. I have tried to do it but my fiance isn’t ready to yet

Well, the baby is only 2 weeks old! As for the other 2 kids, IDK. But a 2 week old is to young to be taken out and to young to be left with a sitter. If anything leave dad with the kids and go see a movie. Drinking doesn’t solve anything, but maybe a day at a spa will do wonders.

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The baby is a little young to be left alone with a sitter right now. Maybe a day by yourself would be better than a date night for a couple more weeks then once baby is a bit older then plan a date night and a sitter for the night so you two can be alone. Also maybe talk to your doctor about postpartum alot of woman go through it and dont realize thats what it is.

Your husband needs to know there is a difference between “a date night” and “family time”. He also needs to respect that the two of you need time alone without the children to recover and strengthen your relationship so you both can continue to be great parents. It is imperative for the sanctity of your marriage. There is no shame to want and need your time together.

Go with his plan, then plan your own date night or even overnight getaway and hire a baby sitter. For a family to continue to thrive a happy marriage is a must. No alone time is not going to end with a happy marriage. Even putting the kids to bed early and staying up talking and enjoying glass of wine or something. Girl time is fun too, but seems many of these ladies on here seem go care more about their girls than their husbands. My husband is my best friend. We enjoy our time together. 16 years strong!

Tell him you would like it to be you too this time

Tell him. Say you need a kid free night…

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Why don’t you go out alone? Or YOU get the sitter. You know, communicate. That’s how relationships work.


Be thankful he even tried.


Tell him you need a kid free night.

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All parents need a time away from the little ones for their sanity. Tell him.

Date night doesn’t include kids it should just be you and him

Ask calmly and in a nice way after this date for a date alone. Don’t ruin this one tho. It’s important too.


Say those words exactly… I am in desperate need to drink wo the kids. That’s not being mean or hurtful

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Tell him … oorrrrrr plot twist: plan a night out yourself and tell him once the plan is made… when I need a night out I find the babysitter and tell my husband we’re going on a date

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Use your words and tell him what you want🤔 if you don’t speak up you’ll never get what you want


He’s your husband, it should be easy, just tell him you need a break from the kids. If you can’t get a sitter short notice, go and have a family night. Then plan a night without kids.
But if you can’t be completely open with your spouse about your stress who can you be open with.


Go on your date with your children show that you appreciate his efforts … but … you plan the date you get the sitter and then y’all go out!!! Moms needs breaks too


Self healing with alcohol? Probably feel even worse the next day.


You’re going to get a lot of disrespectful responses I’m sure, especially from jealous women, because he even asked you, but just be honest with him. We need breaks from the kids sometimes too. Don’t EVER feel bad about that. Especially if it’s for your own sanity! I’m going to have 3 under 3 and I’m a SAHM, I totally get where you’re coming from! It was you and him, before it was you, him, and the kids. Go out alone sometimes if you want to!


Go to this one as planned. You plan the next one.

A month and a half is pretty little to leave a new baby over night…


You aren’t in the wrong. We had my MIL take the oldest for a couple hours so we could have some us time (we still had the newborn with us cause she is breastfeeding) sometimes being a mom is stressful and we just need a break. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Tell him you need time AWAY from the kids

Don’t feel bad. Every mom needs a break. Me & my husband have dates nights without the kids. Kids can really drain you so I completely understand.

I’m with you on this… honestly, I’d say thanks but no thanks. You take the kids, I’ll enjoy the house to myself.


Go on the date, take your kids, enjoy the evening. Then plan a kid free date to take him on.


Oh no. You need adult time!!


Just tell him you need a break from the kids that’s what I told my husband he would arrange this like a movie or just going to his mom’s to play cards his mom would tend to the kids for us while we all played cards together she would help me to give me a break both of our parents would fight with each other to get the kids on the weekend


You need to sit down with him and explain to him this is what you want only you and him and you need adult time away from the kids even if just for a couple hours your not a bad mom! Everyone needs this!

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Sexy-tease him lol Ask him how badly he wants the kids to be there? Arrange backup care if he’s willing to not bring them, and if it specifically involves them, then just leave it as maybe next time! Remind him that he could benefit from having a one on one date night too. I totally get it. Super sweet, but kids are exhausting


What I want to know …is who in the heck do you think is going to take your one and half month old, your 2 year old and 9 year old for an over night? Cuz if this is a reality for you all…sign me up and tell me how this magic works where people are going to take 3 kids. One who is a newborn and a toddler and another for an overnight :upside_down_face: I would be a little more realistic and opt for a date. Baby sitter at your house while you do an early supper somewhere and hang out for awhile and come home…unless you actually have family that would seriously take all your kids for an over night.


You’re husband sounds like an insensitive clod.

Leave him at home overnight with the children and you go out and decompress.

Men, sheesh!


You can a family day with the kids and date night on a different day. Adults need adult time I order to stay sane

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I would take what I can get honestly


Just find a sitter and still go.

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