My husband said we needed to separate, then had a new girlfriend a week later: Advice?

I need to vent and see what others think. After 2 1/2 years of marriage and almost three years together, my husband asked to separate saying we would be better friends the together I’m 4 months pregnant with our second child. Now our marriage wasn’t great because we lacked communication, but I’m willing to go to counseling he claims to love me still and said he will always be there for me. But not even a week after our separation, he has a girlfriend. Just I fucked up while we were married, and I was going through Postpartum depression at the same time he was drinking heavily and doing drugs I felt he was pushing me away is a real asshole. I had a male friend that I talked to about all this, and he was there for me. I never slept with him, just an open ear when my husband was a dick. My husband saw it differently and texted his mom about how he was gonna buy a truck and take my kids away, saying I was a no-good bitch. I seen those messages and only felt worse. Things got better for a few months when he left then left the state to start a new life for the kids and us. Well, that fell apart, and he ended up back here, and he went off the deep end, attempting suicide. I saved him from that, and now three months on, he said I drove him crazy, and he wanted to do the drugs because of me. I know he is exaggerating, thinking it will make the process easier. I think we should work on our issues instead of just running from them as we made a vow after all for better or worse am I crazy in thinking that’s the right thing to do? I can’t even think about him touching another woman and telling her he loves her or my kids calling her mom. It makes me ill if I think about talking to another man that way I’m flooded with thoughts of the last three years, and I’m repulsed by the thought of another man’s touch.

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Seriously! File for Divorce ASAP & don’t look back

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It sounds to me the marriage has went toxic…sorry. Been there, done that. He may love you, but is he in love? THere is a difference. Dont waste your time…sorry.

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This is the definition of a toxic relationship

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You are worth so much more than all of this. So are your children.

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Sounds very toxic. Both ends. You’ll never understand how much better off you both will be until you walk away.

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I know this one all to well.

I am going through this myself.

Just started this 3 wks ago

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He just didnt get a girlfriend a week later. She’s been there the whole time. Can’t save someone who doesn’t want saving. Truth of the matter he’s had someone and finally got the courage up to leave. It’s over sweetie .

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Postpartum is hard and the jerk should have stuck by you during that. He probably had the girlfriend way before your breakup and you should never confide in another man… period!! You both could start over, if you both are willing. It’s a lot of work but having a family is so worth it.

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My story is a little different

I’m going through a similar thing, only him taking our son was an action not a threat. I think things are over and you have to accept it. That’s not your best friend anymore, he’s someone you have to negotiate with in court. You can do this. Good luck and God bless.

Sounds familiar except I wasn’t married thankfully… Move on… it’s toxic he’s very disrespectful and he doesn’t care about your feelings. You deserve better and your kids deserve to see a man loving you correctly. Just remember karma’s a bitch. He will need you before you need him. Just stay strong and do not allow him to interrupt your peace afterwards.

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Seriously I have no idea why either of you thought it was a good idea to bring kids into that sham of a relationship. He’s putting you on hold to see how things pan out with his new girlfriend. Divorce him and concentrate on you and your kids.

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Sounds like the Marriage has always been Toxic, You’re better off without him Just focus on you & you’re kid’s

Just understand this is a bad relationship and move on be happy your children need you now to step up . A happy environment is the best place to raise children learn to co parent well and that is it .

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Girl let it go
That woman has been in the picture probably the whole time
Him using drugs & all the other crazy stuff blaming you is what a Narcissist does
You have babies to take care of so both of y’all can’t be fucked up. Consider the divorce as a blessing in disguise, this is the clean break away you’ll be hoping for should you insist on staying with this man
Wishing you & your babies the best. You can do this with God’s help

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So sorry but he was not your person . it sucks now but you will someday be thankful you moved on . always onward and upward never back peddle …ever

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Hes probably narcissistic… that’s what happened to my marriage get yourself into counseling and a support group… divorce is ugly.

Get a boyfriend, big, handsome, kind, rich.

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Girl count your blessings and run.

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He had the gf all along

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Seems as though the two of you didn’t date long enough. Let him leave. You will adjust. Hope all goes well.

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If he really loves you and the childern then he’d dump the other person and go to counciling If he doesn’t want to do that then you have your answer. Don’t let him steal your joy and peace of mind .You have children to think about
He gets to walk away. Do for you and your childern. God will see you through this. You can’t make people love you .They have to want too.

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Some times moving on is best for the kids and yourself. It will be one of the hardest things you have to do in life. In the end it will be one of the best decisions you made for yourself and your kids. Everyone will be all right.

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He is not supportive if that’s all it takes. Cut your losses. That environment would not be good for children

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Why is this even a question? Also he had the girlfriend longer than just a week after you broke up

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Please realise this man was most likely speaking to this woman beforehand. He is only telling you these sweet nothings to keep you on his good side while he gets his crap together to take your kids. He is having relations with this woman and whispering in your ear to keep you hanging on by a lie. You have got to seek some counseling. This is not healthy. And until you deal with these feelings you will keep trying them to how you proceed. It will be hard to file for divorce and to seek child support because he will have you in your feelings. Do what is best for you and your child. It’s no longer about you and him anymore but those babies. Show the court the narsasistic threats and lies. They will see straight through it. Baby girl you can’t force anyone to do drugs. He wanted to do them because he wanted to do them. Also most important cry out to our Lord. He is close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit and gives peace beyond all understanding. Of course if a marriage is worth saving you should always always work it out but from the sounds of it this man was just waiting for his clean break… Praying for you.

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He’s had that g/f all along. RUN LIKE HELL AS FAR AS U CAN GO AND TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS

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You both have some serious issues you need to work through, separately. He sounds like a man child that probably can’t love anyone more than he loves himself and his mommy. You sound like you have some codependency and self esteem issues. And I’m not trying to be mean at all, I hope it doesn’t come off that way. I understand it’s painful but, you don’t want someone in your life who doesn’t want to be there. Let him go and heal yourself. I think you will see that it will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. And if you haven’t already, get some help for your postpartum depression, talk to a doctor and see a therapist at least, they can help you with what you’re going through in your current situation as well.

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He had the gf for a while. You can’t build a solid marriage or have a healthy home if he drinks, does drugs, etc. He has things he needs to work on within himself. Let him walk. I’ve been through this too…hurts like hell but if he’s not willing to do anything to make it work then you’re better off moving on. Do it for you first…your kids will benefit from a healthy home whether that’s with both parents or not. Hang in there…it does get easier, I promise.

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He wanted to separate cuz he already had the girl friend. That’s plain as day. If he loved u there would be no girl friend only u know when u are done noone can deside that for u. But the question is how bad will u let him treat u before u are done. Ps. It does not get better he will do it again and again

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You don’t need to drag this man’s bullshit along with you. File…get everything…get support paid through agency…medical …get a great asshole of an attorney. And don’t look back. He has nothing for you. You are the person raising the children… he is a side show. Get full custody …he is worthless. Don’t even worry about being fair with visitation…he is a poor excuse for your children. Go for this…go hard… for you and YOUR CHILDREN… and leave him in the dust.
You are a wonderful person…and only made the mistake that he would be too.
Build a life…Blessings and Love to You :heart:

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Girl bye with that drama! Kick his ass to the curb and do you!!!

It takes TWO to make it work, 1 +0 does not =2 trying to make it work. Been there done that. One day after shitty treatment from my husband a light went on and I said DONE. He was ready to move on and had a gf in 3 weeks. Advice listen to your gut really listen take some time but not too much otherwise you will lose yourself. :heart:

That’s not love. He may claim to love you still… That’s not love at all. If it was you wouldn’t be left feeling this way. This man doesn’t love himself. You deserve better so let him have his girlfriend and be done with him. His head issues aren’t your circus. He doesn’t love the gf either. His life is about to take a turn for the worst with this gf, it always does and you need to be strong and not let him back into yours. Power on and Strive for a relationship with respect and communication but ultimately have a stable relationship with yourself and children first.

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His always had that gf aside all along …be happy without toxic leave him be karma will get him soon

He’s a classic narcissist. He had his side chick prior to the separation. With that being said, he wasn’t committed to you, your relationship or the family unit. He undermined you and is now blaming you. He needed to man-up. He will not. Be thankful he showed you who he really is! Consider counseling and try to work on a stable you for yourself and your children. I wish you all the best of everything in the future! :heart: Hang in there!

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If he is drinking and doing drugs and then turns around and says you are the reason… well that’s just bs. He and only him is the reason. I pray he can get help for himself and deal with whatever issues he has. Until then he’s not going to be good to himself or anyone. You have children now and they don’t need to be around that anymore than you do. So he probably did have this other chic on the side before hand and he will wind up treating her just as bad if he doesn’t get help. So I know will be hard but you have to think about yourself and your children and what is best for them. Praying for you.

Oh and one more thing, he already had that girl friend, been had her! He only wants a separation to see if the grass is greener before he dumps you completely! Don’t be no mans option!!!

And i didn’t even finish reading all of it.

Hes a selfish bastard in a crash course to self destruction let her deal with it now good riddance

He did u a favor life is 2 short for drama bs & extra people in a marriage it will take time but peace is far greater than love

You married him after only knowing him 6 months? Wow! I feel sorry for the kids already.

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stop blaming yourself for the choices HE makes.

That’s not love at all… run run and run…

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Get a good lawyer and file for divorce and full custody of the kids … make sure they know that he uses. He’s never going to change so get counseling for yourself and your kids and move on with life

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He’s addicted
He’s going to make up whatever lies he can think of to make you feel guilty & he can keep doing his drugs & not feel guilty

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The girl was in his life before he made the decision to separate…

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Only you can decide what you can live with! But with that said you must first realize that you CANNOT control someone else their actions or their happiness! You can only control yours! Your choices decide for you how you will live. Your children deserve to be in a stable environment. No one can truly know your circumstances we don’t live in your world. I will tell you this. A toxic relationship will always be toxic no amount of therapy will change that. You have to heal yourself and change what you need to change before you can ever have a healthy relationship!! Focus on you and your children let yourselves heal. Don’t let anyone in your bubble that you think will change your healing process in a negative way follow your gut it will never steer you wrong!!!

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Or leave his ass alone you don’t need it

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Leave him and do whatever you can to keep your kids from growing up near his toxic ass! Run states away if you can and never look back!

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Leave girl, you will be fine

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Let him go and heal yourself.
It’s the BEST thing for you and your children!!!

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First and foremost, your kids need a role model which sounds like he’s far from that. Second, looooooooooooove yourself to realize he needs to battle his own demons and addictions before he can love anyone else. Food for thought…

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Would you prefer he cheated?

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I gaurentee this woman did not just come into his life in a week. Hate yo say it but I’m thinkin you are better off without his cheatin ass. Id file first and quick. Remember he who gets down first gets down best. Do it before he goes runnin his mouth that you are unfit

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Much easier for him to blame you for his issues than to take responsibility himself .

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So sorry to hear. You both have a lot going on, first of all no one can drive someone else to do drugs that’s something he decided to do on his own account. And if he has a girlfriend a week after he talked about separating she was there the whole time. You both need counseling and needs to seek professional help. I don’t mean that in a rude way but you both are mentally struggling and that is not good for the kids. Remember that the children are most important if you as Mom are not happy they cannot be happy

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He’s ready to move on, you’re not. Both although married are individuals, it seems with his actions and gaslighting you , it was fake love he was telling you. Those types only love you when it is convenient for them. Let him go and move on with your dignity. He is NOT worth suffering over cause he sure as hell ain’t suffering over you thinking he can hurry up and replace you, he will do the same to her. Get that child support and move on with your personal life. Take time to heal before you ever jump into anything else. I speak from similar experience. P.S that woman was already in his life before he let you know.

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Read what you’ve said and imagine if your daughter wrote it about her husband. What advice would you give her? Be honest.

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Nope move on girl. You are much better off. Sounds like he wasn’t happy either because he was probably seeing this girl before he broke up with you. Sometimes people just dont work out and sounds like your relationship was a whirlwind before you guys got to really know each other.

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Run! Run as fast as you can. This is a toxic relationship with a toxic man and until he sees that he needs help and seeks it out, it wont change. You will be wasting your precious time trying to help him. That energy needs to be focused on being mum now. Reality is, he doesnt love you. He wouldn’t do what he is doing if he loved you, he couldnt do what he is doing if he loved you. As painful as the reality is to face, better face it now while the kids are young and able to forget any negative influences that he may have had on them. Look ahead a couple of years at the peaceful and happy life that you will be able to build with him gone. It will be worth all the pain of letting go.

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Run!!! Seriously! Do not waste 3 more years on him!

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Trust me, you are better off without him. Let him go…let him see his kids but let him go!

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RUN!!! And don’t look back!!

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Honey let him go and be thankful for someone else taking your trash

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Let someone else have the scum! If he moved on with someone else why would you want to keep him?Get rid of him

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His problems are not your responsibility oh how men blame others before them selves u need to focus on you and your children not.him hes not worth it. Move on my.dear hes not.stable.u.deserve better.good [email protected]

Let him go, leave with your dignity and start healing. Also for the sake of you children.

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He probably was seeing her before the separation. But either way, if he leaves you pregnant, he’s not worth fighting For. Move on find someone who will love, honor and respect you. Good luck

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I think this guy is a toxic person, and you are there to take all the blame and cop it. By staying with you he is destroying you and allowing himself to enjoy drugs and alcohol while blaming it all on you so he enjoys himself and you suffer. I am sure there is love there, just the type of love that will destroy you in the long term. Live with it or clean cut I think :slight_smile:

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Run…you and your kids need to get away…that side chick has been in his life longer than a week. Get away and think about yourself and kids. Good luck

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Yes .im sorry but the last chance kid did not work for him
He has been gone.

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Nothing good ever comes from a man that has turned to drugs. There is nothing in this world that will fix this marriage. Your best bet would be to move on.

Nah he’s being a manipulative, and is red flagging fir abuse all over. They do t have to hit you for it to be abuse. He’s threatening to take kids. Has a gf? Nah, quietly make your arrangements to go. Hide your money. Screen shot anything you catch and send it to yourself then delete them in his end. Back these up on a cloud source. You will need them for court.

I think this is a toxic relationship and you need to focus on a healthy relationship within yourself and your children.

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You are NOT wrong to try to save your marriage. To many ppl just give up! But if hes been with other women now, you need to move on. Sounds to me hes selfish and all about him his wants and needs. You need to find someone who values what u do.

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Such a toxic relationship requires a lot of work , counseling… you deserve better, but also know that when there’s issues in your marriage you don’t talk to the next guy about your problems, you talk to your husband about your problems and get counseling.

If he had a gf a week later, hun he was cheating…if he loved you he wouldnt be looking for a woman a week later. Learn this, learn your value and be done!!

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It was so long ago 1983 when I was where you are I got out and ended up married to my soul mate in 1993 Don’t look back Sweet girl!

I suggest …You see a psychiatrist. Your talkin all kinda mumble jumble🤔

You are both toxic to each other. Let him go and apply for child support when the second bub arrives.

That’s why he needed a “break” NOPE, make him decide you or the new chick or your gone! That’s not a marriage, that’s a paper with benefits :rage::triumph:

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He sounds emotionally detached, could be deeper of an issue then you realize. He’s not ready and may never be ready, just RUN, leave and make a new life with someone without substance abuse and knows what he wants and it better be you and a good/great life with you! :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

Leave u don’t need him

This is one reason why I am reluctant to have a kid! Cuz when it all goes rotten, you are left with a living reminder of that relationship! If I am that pressed for a child, I will gladly turn to the sperm banks.

This same day prayer saved my life when I had lost hope:
Dear reader, after my husband divorced me for another young lady, my mom advised me to consult with Dr. Mwoto. I was resistant at first but the fact that I still loved and missed my husband which motivated me to contact him for help. I was really not sure what to expect so I asked her to restore my marriage and also chase away the girlfriend who was breaking my marriage apart. My life was really a mess because we had been having problems with my boyfriend and we had been together with him for over 6 years now, I do love this man a lot and I wanted to get married to him but a times I did feel a little confused about this and had wondered if he had been true to the relationship…until I found Dr. Mwoto. He told me that he was not being true to me. I did later find out that he had been seeing his ex-girlfriend. I was overwhelmed and did not know what to do, although I still loved him and could not see myself with anyone else, I did not want to lose him and Mwoto assured me that he could help me with this problem, I contacted him once again to let him know that I did want to get help with this. With the powers that he has so now I have my boyfriend and I did work a lot of things out and he has come back to me and we are now back together and engaged I haven’t fully gotten over the fact that he had been cheating on me but sometimes we do need to forget the past and move on to a better future and without Dr. Mwoto’s help I don’t think it would have ever worked out. he is truly an Angel sent from above! I can’t thank him enough and I would recommend his service to anyone who is having a problem like mine. I will automatically be coming back to him again in case of any difficulties in my life. YOU CAN CALL/WHATSAPP DR MWOTO ON +27638788949

I see curb kicking in in his future.

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Run lady run the physical abuse next of u try to take him back.

U need to think about u and ur happines, let him go u deserve better honey

They do it once they’ll do it again you can never forgive and forget better get some therapy and move on with your life…

Let him go. You can’t force someone to love you. Love you first!!

He didn’t get this girlfriend a week after the separation but sometime before He is toxic let go of him or look forward to a life of hell for yourself and your children

You didn’t save him from anything, you’re basically a side piece to his real life and you need to grow up and get yourself right before you think about being in a relationship, especially with other broken people. Let’s just hope you get it together before you irreparably harm your innocent kids.

He had a girlfriend before he called this “break”.
Take his ass to court for abandonment, custody of the kids, adultery, child support and alimony!!
For better or for worst, does not mean bail when times get rough! He left you behind, he left HIS family, he’s a coward!
Stop asking yourself why or what if, you don’t need those answers. You’ll only make yourself crazy trying to find those answers. Just remember that he decided to abandon you. You don’t need him. He did you a favor really.
Good luck

Hear from both parties and carry out your investigation before you give your verdict…

Why would you need a suicidal coke head around you and you kids. Wake up coffee is ready.

Alimony & child support = Happiness when u cashing out $$$$ on his Ass

Move on-sounds toxic

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So you initiated stepping outside your marriage… you both sound toxic together.

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