Well if he leaves not only are you entitled to half of everything you are also entitled to support. I would suggest counseling but I am sure his mother would say no. I most definitely would speak to his mother and ask her if her mother in-law stuck her nose in her marriage. I called out my mother in-law and told her that I didnât need her 2 cents.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband talks to everyone about our issues besides me: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Get a job and your own account and start saving!
Leave, join church or woman group for assistance . Let that cry baby go to his moma
If your name is on the account, just go get a debit card, he wonât even know.
Go to the bank, get a card.
Go to bank get all the money out and leave
Get your card take money and đââď¸.
Get a job and leave him
Go to work! Be your own provider, and let him leave. When he leaves, enjoy the reduction in your work load. Life is too short to be miserable.
For 21 years?? The ship has been sailed within the first 5 years of your marriage.
If he canât listen and respect you and your marriage privacy within the first 5 years. He will not change and he sounds like a mommas boy. Divorce and leave. Itâs okay to start over
- fâk him up first, if heâs left once heâll do it again.
I need you to go get a job and start to become independent. When he doesnât have such huge leverage over you his attitude will change but at that point you should leave him!
Divorce since she told him to leave and he canât talk to you. My husband and I donât have the same bank account.
Everything is 50 / 50 and you should try your best to fix it. âŚbut find peace within yourself and all your answers will be there. When you find them please help mr.
be the one to leave your relationship this time. if he doesnât want to communicate with his lifetime partner then heâs not for you.
It sounds like it time for you to leave
It would be hard but a blessing if he did.
Your his wifeâs go clean out the accounts and leave sounds like itâs not very good donât let him leave you with nothing
Let me preface by saying I understand my opinion may not be relevant because I am barely an adult and my relationship is nowhere near this long standing and this is simply what I would do in my situation. That being said, due to my childhood I have issues with reacting in ways that I shouldnât. When my s/o and I get in a fight, I tend to not know if the way I feel is rational or not because I tend to think irrationally a lot. My s/o is aware of this. I often go to a trusted, rational thinking friend, one that wonât give opinions like his mother, and talk things out. They only give me an opinion on whether or not my thinking is rational. This helps me decide if Iâm thinking rationally. I donât want to make excuses for your husband though. Maybe ask if thereâs a reason he does this? However, your husbands mother should not give opinions like that and if she consistently gives those opinions, he should not talk to her about your issues prior to talking with you. Especially, if thereâs no reason for him to do that. Maybe heâs just gossiping? If youâre name is on the bank account, you should be allowed to use it. You say you donât work at the moment, which Iâm assuming means you have. This also means that you have contributed to that account and any money you have put in that account should be open for you to use on what you deem necessary or even just for something you want. If itâs like that, maybe consider using separate accounts and having a joint account for bills. I know Iâm young, but I also know a lot of people donât want to leave relationship only based on certain things. If you donât want to leave because of this or because you want to try to work it out beforehand, do so. What you decide in the end with your relationship is nobodyâs business but youâre own. Youâre an adult and capable of making your own decisions without his mother or anybody else breathing down your neck. If this is ongoing even after trying to talk things out, it is would be time for serious thoughts on if the relationship is worth this amount of hardship. I hope my answer is helpful.
First of heâs controlling you. Forget him talking to others about yâalls issues. Thatâs not the bigger issue here. Issue is CONTROL.
As soon as you do something about your ability to self care and be self sufficient the better of youâll be. Never let a man control you. Either you work together as a team or you donât at all. Get a job get your shit together and move the hell out.
21yrs, smh I would have left along time ago.
You can have access to all accounts your his wife.
After 21 years and heâs still running home to mommy you donât have much worth in his eyes. Go back to work and put him on mommyâs couch
First,get your own bank account,next look for another place to stay,leave the house and bills to him,pack your stuff,andâ:running_woman:
Realistically you donât have a leg to stand on and you have put yourself in a position to depend on him. Shitty place to be. So if it were me Iâd be getting my self a job first and foremost and opening my own bank account. Keep the peace until you are able to provide for yourself. Then divorce his ass first and take half of everything as you are entitled to. Tell him to go live with his mama while the divorce is settled if thatâs what they both want. Fuck that dude and his mama
Every time you go food shopping get cash back. Put into q saving account start stacking and looking for work
My ex used to try to control me & everything about our relationship. He was terrible with $$ & constantly threatening to or actually leaving for periods of time also.
When our daughter was 2 I went to his mother to see if she could help. Huge mistake. Her advice was âyou 2 are like oil & water & should just divorce.â
I stuck it out another 3 years (another huge mistake) finally April 4, 2014 he left AGAIN & I changed the locks & never looked back. Definitely 1 of the best decisions I have made.
All I see are red flags 
Someone who would air your dirty laundry to the public rather than sit and communicate with you is someone who will never learn to grow up. His mother obviously doesnât respect you or your privacy especially if her first piece of advice is âmove back in with me.â He has some controlling issues he needs to work on and not to mention after 21 years of marriage youâre still dealing with this? Girl get yourself a job and leave. Itâs hard but someone who canât respect you and treat you as an equal after all those years is not someone you want in your life. I hope you find the strength to do whatâs right for yourself.
As a man Iâll say this; talking about your feelings to your significant other can be extremely challenging. Us men think old school, we provide for the family. If we canât we are somewhat embarrassed by it.
Not saying thatâs what is going on with your relationship. My fiancĂŠ has to manage my expenses, but I allow her to do that for our own good. 
sheâs the grown up in our relationship.
My advice is to find a median individual. As in someone he talks to and someone that talks to you. Sometimes he canât tell you what he wants to say, but you can find out on your own and move forward appropriately.
If I was you I would get on the internet and let everybody know all of our busness
First I would drain the bank account you have access to the account you are his wife. I would find a place to god with the money and file for divorce he will have to pay you since your not working.
He leaves. Let him go. Isnât worth the stress. Especially if it isnât something youâre doing and heâs just being an ass. You canât make a man treat you right and you cannot make him stay. Demand your respect and for him to be YOUR husband or walk away. 1 person trying wonât fix shyt
Get a job and leave momma boy.
Or go to a shelter until you can get sorted God will make a way. He wont change. He might still walk out one day. Its a tuff decision but you wonât regret.
Ummm if itâs a joint account GO GET A CARD. More important he knows he controls you and will do what he wants. Leave him
You donât need our advice⌠because what you wanna do and whatâs on your heart is already there. You know whatâs best for you⌠you just need to put your plays together now.
Good luck!
Get a job that pays enough for you to live on your own. Leave the marriage and let him move back home with mummy.
Go get your own account and get you a jobâŚ.hope for the best prepare for the
Worse
I have always had my separate accounts just so this wonât happen. I have always worked so I donât have to depend on him besides he is not a very dependable person the person who I was with for a long time. So I would just open an account and find a new job and a new place or if you want to fix things tell him how you feel thatâs things have to change and that the account is going to be for both not just for him but I would still find a job if I was in that situation.
Leave again??? Heh. Peace out broâŚ. Then get yourself a job and manage your OWN money. Lifeâs too damn short man.
Maybe get some counseling, then drain the account and divorce him.
someone talking to their mom about your problems is completely normal, everybody talks to their mom about problems. If heâs talking to other people like your friends, then thatâs an issue, but everyone has people they talk to including their mom and Friends⌠And with all due respect youâre on Facebook talking about your problems.
If youâre not able to spend your own money, thatâs a problem.
Why arenât you working? Does he prefer you not work so that you have to rely on him? We donât have enough information but I would recommend getting a job and your own bank account immediately. Start making and tucking money away so you can control your own finances and life.
If you are on the account order a card! If not demand you get a card! Yalls relationship should be private and hopefully he will make an effort!! If not you have to decide is this something you want to live with forever!
First, I want to say sorry youâre going through this as it must make you feel alone and helpless. Second, I wish I knew what your arrangement in the beginning was. My husband and I have always done joint with equal access to both parties, but several of my married friends have kept theirs separate. Third, I think Couples should do their best to resolve problems without running to the extended family for issues that arenât any kind of abuse. Yes, itâs likely you will discuss some things, but they shouldnât be your first choice before your spouse. Fourth , youâre in need of some independence. Being a house wife is also work, and you contribute in ways that arenât always appreciated. Itâs not like youâre going to give him an invoice for cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. If this is a partnership you should have equal access to financial accounts as well as bills. What are you going to do in emergency situations, medical crisis, or other circumstances where you might need to know some of this info? I agree with others that say you probably need to get a job, and your own account. Take care of yourself so if he does leave youâre not left out in the cold with nothing, and no way to land on your feet.
Those are definite signs of a controlling person. Get out while you can, not good for your mental health!
Get a job and start saving. Iâd be leaving asap.
Save every penny u can, Get job and move out.
Leaving someone you love and have invested so much of your life in is hard but sometimes itâs whatâs best, I know from personal experience. If he truly does want to be with you then he will put in the effort, if not then you can move on and find your happiness
Leave him now and take half of everything. If you file then he has to support you since he has made it so you cannot work. Take him to the cleaners.
My ex did the same crap get out now it wl gt worse
Itâs time for divorce my husband did to and family started to cause problems in my marriage
Pack his shit n let him go to his mothers
First of all I would move out. Then I would get a job. Is there kids involved? Iâm so sorry heâs controlling you. I had a husband that did that also! Not necessarily with money but with other things! He could do whatever he wanted oh, but I couldnât! Get away from him as soon as possible.
Leave? Move on? Find someone whoâs not a toxic control freak mamas boy?
Let him leave and take care of yourself. No kids ?? You will always be just this miserable if you stay. So move on
Well beat him to the punch and leave his ass, sounds like a Mamaâs Boy to me. Get yourself a job and just leave A.S.A.P
Protect yourself
Heâs not going to
Narcissist⌠periodâŚ
Run
Get yourself stable with a job and then make the decision that your going to do whatâs best for you and if he leaves let him go
Talk to him and not come on fbđ¤Ł
I would never put my business on here. Go to counseling people often displace their own hurt in their advice.
21 Years? 
N U Ainât Got A Debit Card n His Mammy Telling Him 2 Come Back Home? Why U Donât Know About Ur Financial Affairs As A Married Couple?? U Musta Been Sleep 20 years right? GET WOKE QUICK!
Let him leave, he will be back.
Can he read this message from all the neighbors who post on here?? If so, be careful!!
You obviously have no self respect otherwise you would have dumped that narcissistic pig by now. Pack up and leave, or stay and be miserable.
I would go to the bank and requst one for yourself. And u can go to withdraw money from the back. I hope you get out. This is going to be hard. But trust me you got this.
Umm leaving again? You need to get a job and leave before you are left penniless and homeless. Mamaâs boy will listen to her and she will reward him. Iâm not sure if thereâs anything you can do except be proactive and leave him or just come home one day and everything is gone.
This is called financial abuse. Youâre married, everything is meant to be shared, the fact you donât have access to your own money and he could leave at any point literally leaving with nothing in immediate circumstances is abuse and is no way to live depending entirely on someone elseâs whims. If I were you Iâd get some independence back just incase shit goes south. Get a job again, make your own personal account and have your pay go into that and transfer X amount to your joint so you are still contributing to the household bills. Or talk to the bank and have them send you your own card, the account should be in Both your names. Then I would seriously consider your situation and relationship and if you should continue with it. No adult of sane body and mind, not even a wife/spouse should be so dependant on someone else.
Next time he needs something tell him to call his mom. Let him leave, maybe thatâs what he wants just doesnât know how to say it.
Kick him to the curb you are better off without being controlled his behaviour wonât change. A narcissist doesnât change they get worse. the more you tolerate it the more he will do it. Iâd not be with someone who is controlling get a card set up own bank account & transfer the money leave him with nothing. 50/50 in a marriage half of it your entilted to. get your own place to live your be alot happier for doing so long term.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband talks to everyone about our issues besides me: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Take everything and leave him with nothing
Leave first? He obviously has you under some kind of control. It doesnât seem like he wants to work on it. Get a decent job and prepare yourself
Get a job and move forward
No man controls the money I make. I pay the bills while the old man spends it, heâs got better about it tho, we have a checking account together not his or hers together. The minute he gets his itâs over. Be gone with your happy ass I would say. Kids stay with mom.
Is that what you want for your life you know what you have to do stop being the victim you deserve better
If your name is on the bank account you can go draw any money off you want. Just show your Iâd and itâs totally legal then get a job and prepare.
Family violence can extend to other members , you need legal advice and a safety plan
If your name is on the checking account, you can certainly go to bank to get a debit card. Heâs trying to keep control of you and that not healthy. Also sounds like heâs a mamaâs boy if he runs to her instead of working things out with you. If he left before, he will certainly leave again. Please prepare yourself. Some of the best advice I can give ANY women single or married, donât be a sitting duck. Have access the emergency money and people you can trust if things go south
First of all, why are you waiting for the other shoe to drop? When a spouse holds funds away from another there is a reason, wether that is because you are not trust worthy with money or they donât want you to know what THEY are doing.
It sounds like you need to take a long hard look at the dysfunction in your marriage, because it is not healthy and sounds like mental abuse.
Let him leave u would be happier n not worrying all the time
You should have moved on completely the first time he left.
Get yourself and you leave this time and dont look back.
Go stay at a shelter or at a friendâs house or relative house until you get on your feet.
It sounds like heâs a piece of shit đ¤Ś
Your husband has a trust issue. Keeping him is a nightmare. If you feel you are no longer comfortable and peace in the house is being compromised, its about time to end your marriage.
If itâs a joint account then go to the bank and get your own card
Hes obviously a narcissist. You need to leave him. I know its easier said than done but youll be a ton happier!
Get yourself out girl âŚhes a cnut xx
Momas boy, has credit cards and you donât??? Is your name in the bank account also?? Momas boys never change. Before Leaving talk to a lawyer, you are entitled to some compensation. Mostly every lawyer first consultation is free. Good luck. 
Bin the dictating control freak you will relax eventually life is only available once ,no practice runs XXX
Tell him if he needs to vent heâd get closer to coming to a solution just leaving you a voice mail or message. Maybe he isnât good with confrontation, and if he needs to verbally get it out to process, tell him to talk to voicemail instead of the free fkn world. Tell him how you feel about that and the effects
It will have on your relationship by airing the dirty laundry.
If he wants to leave let him , you cant make someone love you. But you can get a job and better yourself . Itâll be hard , nothing is just handed to you . Just know, itâll get better . 
Go get your own card. Start putting money back you might need it.
Go quietly & open your own bank accountâŚstart squirreling away whatever you can manage⌠just in case âŚforewarned is forearmedâŚthen go to Counselling together and get helpâŚhow can either of you work out whatâs wrong if you donât get to air your differences with guided help in an unthreatening environment if that doesnât work/help at least you tried âŚmeanwhile the getaway fund is growingâŚgood luck
Pack his bags, get a job, live your life, choose happy!!!
Leave again??? Bubye crybaby!
I donât know your age, but if you Re young enough to work get a job and start your own account and live independently.
Get on your feet! Get a job- step one
Sounds like money issues , rather than hes talking to everyone else, have you tried listening to him ? Or are you saying hes a narcissist, ? Why cant you get your own account with a new job and save up then leave, or are you saying you want to be a kept woman? Make up your own mind,
If youâve already told him to not cross boundaries about your guys personal and private lives and he doesnât have a problem with doing it even tho you sed not too then , how bout you walk away and discuss it with whom you talk to , but posting it here is doing what he did but in cyber context so, its ok for you, oh yeah you just wanted advice , thoughtâs and others opinions, like he did, but whats the intended purpose,
Leave you AGAIN?! Why would you want to live like that? Heâs controlling and thatâs a big problem. Get a job and leave his ass, clearly his mother wants him to co-sleep.
Iâm not sure what you want help with. I donât know if you want help with him ârunning off at the mouthâ with everyone or just his mom, or if you upset because he leaves you âhigh and dryâ, or because after 21 years you just figured out that he has the debit/credit cards, or that you suddenly realized that you have no work skills and that this âbuggerâ probably is gonna eventually get up and leave you? Once you figure out, what your problem is, then you can make a decision on your course of action. Whatever it is, it wonât be easy, because whatever the reason that you sat for 21 years with no voice in your marriage, has made this much harder. You donât indicate where you live or the resources available to you. Seek them out. You donât indicate that your husband is physically or verbally abusive nor do you say anything about family or friends that could help by support you. So donât just run out into a world that you donât know anything about, get your footing first and when the time is rightâŚmake your move.