My husband told me he was not a romantic and then i found out that was a lie: Advice?

My husband has been telling me for years he isn’t romantic and doesn’t know how to be at all. And I accepted that with zero problems . He hasn’t given me flowers or even a card on my birthday because he said he just doesn’t know how too it’s not him. I saw tonight an email pop up from an editable assortment company I clicked on it and saw his been lying out his ass too me for years! It was all saved to his account with them but He would send his ex wife chocolate covered strawberries and balloons and stuffed bears. And he sent two ex girlfriends boxes of roses and candy and a fruit assortment worth over 260 for one women. I dug deeper and found he sent an ex girlfriend $400 worth of vans ie shoes clothes. And hand written love letters and he covered one ladies car in roses. I literally pushed three of his big headed clone 10 pound babies out of my coochie and I never even got a flower! Or a card I would love a card I would cherish that so much. I asked him Why? And he said he dropped the ball on that one with me I said for 6 years? 6 birthdays and anniversaries just dropped the ball wtf! I’m so mad and his twisting in and making it seem like I’m being a B over something that was years ago but I’m pissed I can’t even get this man to do the dishes and he sends women that rubbish! Like I work 5 days a week take care of our boys and make 3 meals a day because his job is harder and he needs to relax after work! Dude said I don’t have the same money I used too because I have kids now. I understand responsibility and what that entails we both work his in the army and makes well enough I make roughy 700-1000 weekly. So his talking s*** on that one.I asked why not me ? Why wasn’t I good enough to be treated that way?Why am I still not good enough to be treated that way? I work so hard for hiAnd our family and it’s like someone just punched me in face.I literally moved from Another country for this man (Australia) to (America) I paid my own flights and my own accommodation (Airbnb ) every time I came to visit him He never paid for a thing. I later found out his family would pay for his ex wife travels and living expensive and even her 5k ring My husband borrowed gas money of off his mom once he didn’t have cash then asked me to pay her back Like what the tuck I feel so under appreciated and stupid,I have no one to talk to cause i work from home and I feel so weird about this I’ve attempted many talks

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband told me he was not a romantic and then i found out that was a lie: Advice?

They probably responded negatively to the things he used to do, so he stopped trying. Women can be toxic as well. Zero reason to not get you a card or anything for a birthday or anniversary though and if that’s the reason why then he should have told you instead of saying “I’m just not romantic.” I agree that I’d leave.

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You know the score - you’re not his priority. Leave.

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I mean it obviously didn’t work out for him so that’s probably why he doesn’t do it anymore and why do people feel the need to go through their significant others emails especially from the past when you weren’t even a thought in their mind

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He doesn’t want to give you that effort so he does not.

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Oh wow! You need to sit this guy down and have a calm conversation with him.

Make it clear it doesn’t matter if it’s a dozen red roses or flowers from the gas station, a luxury card or something he and the kids drew - it’s the THOUGHT!

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He knew you wanted it and it was a way to be petty and give it to other people. Get a good divorce lawyer, start taking out cash at grocery time and sock it away and make sure you get copies of all of that so you can show that he can afford the max amount of child support and alimony. I’d definitely go for alimony where he’s financially neglected his family for other women. He won’t have the money to spoil so many women once you’re gone :grin:

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Talk time is over… kick his azz to the curb. He deprives you of things to give to other women. Maybe one of the exes will take him in.

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Save proof for court

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You are highly unappreciated and I’d take those 10 pound clone babies and leave his ass, take him for child support and make that struggle real

Stop doing all the things you do for him until he shows you some appreciation

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Be smart, get your ducks in a row and walk away. Dont look back

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Tbh I think it’s time you walk away don’t wait any longer you found out all this stuff for a reason,go an find you a man that never stops wanting to make you smile life’s to short to settle for what you don’t deserve

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I agree with calmly sitting him down and letting him know—- the gigs up. Either do that shit for me too or LEAVE

A person treats you how you allow them to treat you. If romance and sentimentality was a big deal for you…you should’ve let it be known in the beginning. Now it’s been 6 years and you want him to be someone he’s never been with you. To me it sounds like he does nothing besides work…I get some jobs are a lot…but what’s the point of a relationship if you aren’t a team and don’t make any effort at all to make the other person feel loved and appreciated? Think about that. Good luck to you!!!

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U need to be where u are appreciated :pensive:. U deserve to be treated better

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If he wanted to he would :woman_shrugging:t3: that being said you deserve better

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Sounds like you get what you accept. If you’ve settled for someone who doesn’t give a shit about you, sounds like a bad choice in my opinion. You need to ask for what you want. But I doubt this guy will change. You’ve shown you don’t expect anything from him, especially by paying for everything and doing everything. Look for a partner not another child

Perhaps he got burned too many times and just stopped doing it? People change with the experiences they go through.

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Pack ya bags and leave run don’t look back

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Kick him to the curb.

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Honestly I’d be livid too, I want you to know though that while you deserve the same jestures those aren’t romantic either. He is a terrible romantic, especially using money as an excuse. You know what my husband and I did for Valentines Day? Lit candles all over the living room, made a floor bed with pillows and blankets, rented a movie, ate dinner on our floor bed, then made out to a country romance playlist.

Gifts and money =/= romance.

You still deserve chocolate and flowers though. He can’t convince me he can’t afford grocery store chocolate and flowers c’mon now. He could get a dollar store box of assorted chocolate and you could eat them together guessing what they are.

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This is the kind of lie that makes you question everything. I don’t blame you for being upset.

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Dang. I’m sorry you are not being made to feel important and valued. That sux.

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A boy will continue to do what a female accepts. If you accepted his reason, why be mad now? That’s who he was before you, he told you who he was when he met you. I get that you’re mad at yourself, but if that’s what you wanted and needed to feel loved you shouldn’t have accepted it to begin with.

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Girl, flip the fuck out!

Honey, WHY would he put in that Level of effort for YOU when he got you traveling around the world, Cooking, cleaning AND birthing his children without any EFFORT at all? He pretty much Told you straight out the gates Not to Expect that level of EFFORT and You accepted that bullshit, Really can’t get pissed what he did for another woman when YOU ACCEPTED zero effort from the beginning.

Leave him… not worth your time and love. You deserve someone better…

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Know your worth!! You deserve more than flowers and chocolate, you are the mother of his kids!!

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Buy yourself flowers whenever you want

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I… what: people change

Even if he starts doing that stuff you will always question if he is doing it because he wants to or just to keep you from arguing about it… Things aren’t the same if you have to ask for them… Might be time to sit down with yourself and weigh your pros and cons…

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Buy yourself jewelry, chocolate, clothes, whatever you want

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you need to dump him and go after him for child support and alimony. Read what you wrote. HE is STILL SENDING his EX WIFE, EX GIRLFRIEND, EX SIDE CHICK…… GIFTS! Trust me, he’s doing it for a reason. He’s probably got another couple on the side right now. Divorce his ass, he’ll probably send you flowers and clothing too. And then he can get remarried to someone he will treat poorly, at least it won’t be you.

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Big headed 10 pound clone babies? Really nice, smdh.

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I love that everyone’s response is to leave… I used to do things in past relationships that I dont do now. He told you who he was and you accepted that, you can’t change your mind now. I used to give my ex little gifts and romantic things and every single time, he would tell me he didn’t like it or throw it in my face somehow… maybe your man has had the same happe to him. Take him for where he is at NOW not where he was with exes

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Girlfriend…it’s time to go! Move on and find someone who knows your worth! He’s a skell and needs to be treated like one! Let him make his own breakfast, lunch and dinner! Do his own laundry and watch the boys so you could walk aimlessly around Target! Take your time going home and stop at Starbucks for a nice cold frappe and start talking to others while you’re out!

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Men do what you allow ! Red flags :triangular_flag_on_post: were there from the beginning and you choose to overlook them. Leave him he doesn’t value you at all !

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Maybe he realizes he did all that stuff, spent all this $ on flashy things…and look where it got him in those relationships. Maybe he thinks if he doesn’t do it you’ll stay. Idk? Guys are so weird…

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Do you love him? If so, continue trying to work it out. Without fussing, tell him how much it hurt you. The past is the past. Give him a chance to start beginning now.

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:notes: To the left, to the left…everything you own in a box to the left. :notes:

Shoot, no doubt about that…

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Personally I would never be able t9 get over something like that, yes I may have been fine at the beginning with him saying he’s not romantic but this is years of deception, he lied to you for years! I’m sorry you have to go through this

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He can do things that don’t cost money you can pick a flower sorry

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I’d be like start worshipping me like them or be gone smh no excuses on this you will resent him for the rest of your life for making you feel like you weren’t good enough for his attention

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You ask “why” a lot. Your answer is because HE is a piece of shit, that is why. You are more than good enough. Just good to the wrong person. Clearly he’s not appreciative of the things you do for him. He wouldn’t even have to spend money to show appreciation & if he didn’t have a lot, even flowers from the grocery stores are not expensive. Cards are about $1. He could have made one.
I would consider leaving and in the meantime when he asks why the dishes aren’t done or why he has no food when he comes home tell him you dropped the ball on that one.

Wait a while and send your self a big arrangement of flowers , just have it delivered to home !

Buy yourself beautiful stuff

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It’s what you settle for and allow!

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Well, sounds to me like it’s time to pack up and go. He doesn’t value you. Quit letting him dump on you.

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Please have a talk with him and tell him how you feel, try to do it in a calm way, if he retaliates with violence the thats gunna be the last flag. He is your husband and leaving him shouldnt always be the first thing to resort too…

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Buy gifts for yourself and sendthem to your house with a note from secret admirer

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Dump him. Take the kids home to Australia

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Wow this is really fucked up. I would feel very betrayed. Its not about the money and gifts its the principle that those are things you do out of love and affection, and if he does all that for another woman and not you then there is clearly a reason for that, which he obviously isnt gonna admit though. Im so sorry. You deserve better. You shouldnt have to beg anyone for that.

Nope! That wouldn’t fly with me…
Probably some counseling is needed to cleanse the air… apparently there is some deep issues there.

Sounds like the saying “if they wanted to , they would” :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Move on . Get someone who will treat you that way .
I’m in the same boat . Just awaiting my exit

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Obviously he doesn’t value you as much as he did them or he would want to do the same with you

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Just STOP! That cheating and you need to toss his ass out on their front lawn! Game over!

People treat u exactly how the feel about u…

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Sounds like he got used to you doing everything. Make his ass wash the dishes like wtf you’re not his slave. Where’s the teamwork? Since you have a family, I would give him a chance to step up but ONLY ONE CHANCE. He didn’t know it was a big deal to you, so now he has the opportunity to make it right. Either way, sounds like he got himself a wife that will do what he wants with minimal effort. Kick his ass to the curb if he can’t see your worth.

I’d buy myself flowers and put ‘from your secret admirer’ to wind him up. Bet they hurt him and he said never again or something similar, i wouldn’t be happy though xx

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what an asshole! you deserve to be treated like the queen you are!

I think you two need some serious mediation to help with discovering each other’s love languages.
—If he cares about your feelings on this or any matter, he’ll try to work on it.
—If he doesn’t, I say his complacent, no-effort ways is all you need to “hear”.
Shame on him though, for always forgetting about you on special days—I agree, even a card would have been nice.
I hope he realizes this before you’re officially done. :blue_heart:

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He is giving you exactly what you allowed.

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Start saving money. Dont let him know. I wouldn’t stay make him pay child support, he wont have any monies left to send anybody anything see how he likes that.

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Dump. Him. What a tool, just a card is literally under a dollar at any dollar store !!!

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You allowed him to reap all of the benefits of being with you while putting in zero effort himself. It’s very sad how he took advantage of you. I hope you leave and find someone who will love you as much as you love them . :heart:

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Some men are just takers. They don’t care about making other people happy and showing appreciation. Once he knew he didn’t have to with you from the beginning he decided not to. There’s no excuse for not doing the small things it’s because he’s a d i c k

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… when you were just dating, he didn’t do any of the romantic shit with you. Maybe he thought " well, it obviously didn’t work on any of the other women I’ve been romantic with so why would it work on this one ? " maybe he wanted to see if you’d stick around without him spending money on you.
And then he just never picked up on the romance. Honestly though, flowers die in a few days. Chocolate is good in small doses. He gave you three big headed babies lol. Tell him his giant kids tore you up and you want some damn appreciation for that for the rest of your life lol.
Idk babe. Tell him it hurts that he did a bunch of romantic shit with a bunch of other people but the one that has his kids doesn’t get the romance. And that’s not okay.
Good luck, babe

My husband has picked me wild flowers off the road. It’s completely free. If where y’all live don’t have free flowers a nice hand written note is always a warm gesture. Sounds like excuses.

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So is he sending that stuff them them now? If not what’s the big deal? So he doesn’t buy you stuff. Does he help with bills? Does he help with the kids? It was your choice to move. Your choice to pay for airbnb. Your choice to fly over him. It was also your choice to pay for the flight. So you had many choices. You choose to do them all. And now you have a choice either talk with him. Tell him that it hurts. Or move on. Even though he’s done stuff like that in the past doesn’t mean he has to do it now. If you want those things get them yourself. If you want him to buy those things we’ll it seems to me like he’s not going to. So either talk to him and decide that this is important that he gets them and hopefully it won’t be a battle, buy them yourself to make you feel better and drop the fight, or leave. Again you can choose

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Wtf oh he’ll no my [email protected]@ would have been gone…run

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Move on or continue to be his meal ticket. Not really a hard choice. He disrespects you and what does that teach your kids?

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If he’s this awful, I would have divorced him before finding all this out.

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I am sorry I could only read the first several lines, He is a liar, Now you have to decide what to do, And do it, Or just stay with him

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Go home he’s not worth it

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You know the answer and yet you choose to STILL stay. Sorry but until you know your worth and stand up for what you deserve NOTHING will change. He’s lazy! Plain and simple! My BF works a full time overnight job that’s 100 times harder than my job BUT he STILL does dishes or watches MY son, NOT his but mine, when I have a day shift on his days off. IF HE WANTS TO, HE WILL! I was married to be a POS for 18 yrs! My BF has shown me in 2 yrs what a REAL MAN is! He’s bought me flowers and cards and stuffies WITHOUT me asking because he loves me!

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That’s messed up
He needs to do better

What the heck is wrong with you? If you are working then you don’t need him. He is using you and you are allowing him to do it. Do you want your sons to grow up and be like him? Seek help. Don’t say you love him because you don’t even like him. You can be strong you can make it and above all else you will love and respect yourself!!

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Not one more day would I stay with this man. I don’t believe in telling them why. They will just add more lies on top of all the other ones. Leave him wondering why you don’t want him anymore… hit him up with it way after you are out and settled with him out of your life.

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Back here in Australia American guy sucks I mean not all. But some of them assholes. Aussie people love to being appreciated for their hard work. Dump his ass . For all what you done to him he done fuck all for those things?? Such asshole literal dickhead.

And you are still with him … why?

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Blah blah blah, sounds like he’s full of excuses. Say goodbye and find what you know you deserve!

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Ugh honey I just want to hug you, that would make me feel absolutely awful too. Your feelings are so very valid.

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So you’re bare minimum girl, wow. Yeah be as pissed as you want, that’s bullshit.

So all of this is in the past right? He hasn’t been sending this stuff to women while you’re together right? Maybe looking at it from a different perspective (if this was in the past). How badly was he hurt during his past relationships? Maybe he feels that he has given his all to others and has been let down and hurt? Maybe he’s afraid of showing his vulnerability to you because he feels you would leave him like the others? Everyone reading your post doesn’t know the whole story. Has he been faithful to you? Teach him your love language and communication is key to a happy relationship.

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He played you, any man who says he’s not this or that just simply isn’t in love with you. Yeah sucks to hear it. Worse to live thru it. If you need a friend I’m here girl! So sorry I know it hurts. Leave him those 3 kids and go do you! No shame. He might change his tune if you still want him…but you are worth so much more. And please don’t become bitter and lose your ability to love over some selfish a hole

You make a decent salary, you share three big headed clone children, and he’s in the army. If you divorce, monetarily you should be fine with child support, etc. If he doesn’t check ANY boxes of what you want in a husband, find your happiness elsewhere.

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He’s a manipulator. He wants you beat down and feeling bad it makes it easier to control you. He’s def a liar and chooses who he gives attention and gives to. Run. This will never get better and it goes far deeper than just gifts and things.

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Dump him- u can do better

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Throw the whole man away.

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Why are you still with him?

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Know your worth bub dont settle for less its not worth the stress … tellem GEEEETTT

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I use to be romantic and would do sweet things. Now I don’t. My husband hates it. But I’m not that person anymore. And I’m not pretending for anyone.

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I feel like it sounds like he spent all that money and time being romantic for these other women and they crapped out on him. So he made it a point not to be sappy with you and it worked, you been there for 6 years, married him, had his babies and you were happy all the way up until you found out he used to be more romantic.

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Maybe those woman made him change? I used to be all in, giving undivided attention, but a couple relationships later and now I’m all about me. I’ll sit in my own world before ever being head over heels again. So maybe you need to learn his past before judging how he is.

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I’d leave. I wouldn’t even ask why not me. You see if he wanted to he would. You deserve better.

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Leave. If he wanted to, he would. You deserve better.

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Run, and don’t look back. You deserve much more.

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