How you would you all handle this situation? I’ve been nothing but a mom for almost 9 years. I have no support system at all. Like, I’m literally always with at least one of my kids. I’ve begged their grandparents to give me just a one day break and they absolutely refuse. Even My husband won’t take them for me so I can have a minute to myself. My youngest starts kindergarten in the fall and as bad as this sounds, I’m looking forward to it. Not only to find myself again, but for her to get a break from me too. NOW my husband says he wants to talk about homeschooling. I know exactly how that would go. He would go to work and I would be the one doing it all. He got really angry when I told him that’s just not an option when I don’t ever have any help. I just feel like it’s going to get pushed on me whether I like it or not. I even said I would consider it once I got a few months to myself and he doesn’t want it that way. What can I say to him to make sure he doesn’t go over my head and sign them up to homeschool? Please no rude comments, I already feel guilty about this…
Sounds like he only wants it his way.
Sounds like you need to put your foot down and say no.
You don’t need your husband to “let” you have a break. Tell him you are leaving and will be back at whatever time and leave. Not everyone is meant to be a teacher anyways. Just tell him no. Tell him if he’s so interested in homeschooling then maybe HE should do it.
Sounds like he just doesn’t want u to have You time. Don’t be surprised if he would even want another baby.
No way would I ever let my husband make me do something I don’t wanna do. I almost feel like he doesn’t want you to be alone for whatever reason so he wants to make sure you always have a kid around you to watch what ur doing almost. I wouldn’t homeschool even if I was paid to do it. He sounds super controlling. Red flag
Personally, I love homeschooling. But it would never work if my husband didn’t come home and give me a break while he makes dinner and police’s the kids. Just don’t do it. I agree with another commenter, your husband sounds controlling based on your need to come here instead of just saying, I don’t think I’d enjoy that.
Sounds like you’re INTENTIONALLY being held down. No help. No you time. You’re so close to being able to do the things you enjoy and now he lays homeschool on you. Sounds a little off so I absolutely would not give in.
Tell him as many times as needed that it is NOT an option for you at this point and if he signs them up he will be responsible for doing the homeschooling himself. While at it tell him one evening/day a week you will be taking a couple hours for yourself and he will be parenting HIS children. Stand your ground and do what is necessary for your emotional/mental well-being.
As a person who was homeschooled I hated it. I was always stuck at home…missed out on so much like homecoming dances, prom and a graduation. I would love to go back and tell my parents I didn’t want to do that.
Sounds like he is trying to control your every move so you have no free time at all. The child deserves to go to a proper school and make friends and you deserve a bloody break.
He is trying control your every move
First off you should not feel guilty about anything. Next you have say too. Even if he goes against your wishes you can go to the school and reroll them also.
Sounds like he don’t want you to be alone …just tell him no plus your kids will miss out on so so much like trips and thing Don’t do it hunny you need your space to …good luck …
Sign her up for kinder at a school asap. That way she is registered and there is no need for a conversation. Since you are the one raising her it’s your call. Since all he wants to worry about is work while you handle the rest of it then handle this mom. Get her registered.
I’m sorry but he’s throwing up a big red flag I would get out of that marriage not supportive at all
If you don’t want to homeschool them (teach them yourself) then don’t do it. You will just grow to resent your children. If he wants to take the time to teach them then that’s acceptable and he can do that. Homeschooling does require work, don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to.
Next time he has a day off leave a note and say you’re going for a day out. You need a day to yourself or you’re going to snap. Leave before everyone wakes up. Go to the park or out to lunch. Hit up an old friend
Tell him the same thing I told mine… I’ll go back to work and you can homeschool, if you don’t lose your mind, we can alternate every year… jfyi he said he wouldn’t be able to handle the kids like that…
First off, you should not feel guilty. You know what’s best for you and your children.
Secondly, the current situation may be homeschooling, but the underlying issue sounds like he is very controlling.
My heart goes out to you for your home life, because your feelings are just as important as everyone else, if not more so by being the sole care taker. I feel for you and hope you get support soon.
We moved across the country from our home in Ohio where I had some small community built up to Minnesota we have absolutely no one here, and I homeschool. Don’t do it to yourself if you don’t have a break and haven’t, I’m in that situation now. I never get a break from any of my three girls and I’m wearing very thin. We’ll be lucky to make it the whole school year. That’s not to say I don’t love homeschooling, it’s been very rewarding, but very tiring.
Sounds very controlling, I would putting my foot down and just say no. It sounds like he always gets his way, he should be giving you a break!!!
No is No. if he’s adamant about it he can do the research and look for a homeschooling cooperative that the kids can be a part of
First of all you don’t need to feel guilty. All mothers deserve a break more than just to shower to be by themselves for more than a half hour. Why is he so for homeschooling? School is important for socialization and exposing kids to other people and being around kids their own age. You shouldn’t feel bad for your child being around other kids and going to school. It’s a good thing. I’m concerned that your spouse isn’t understanding how constant no breaks and no help is not good for your mental health, or your relationship. I would resent someone who gets to leave and be away from home and never helps out with the kids he created or sees you as someone who has her own ideas thoughts or needs. His anger is unnecessary since he’s telling you not asking and that’s not ok. If that’s his approach to everything he is right on the edge of being abusive. You should be able to have your own opinion.I would try to stick to your guns and attempt to get him to understand what you need. I hope things get better for you.
Tell him you want to work and that if he wants homeschooling then he can do it . Get your self a part time job so you can earn some money but also have times where you are not working and can have me time .
Sounds like you don’t only need a break from your kids, but also a serious overhaul of your marriage. It sounds like there is little respect or trust here If he would honestly go over your head to do something like that… this is not a partnership, he is trying to control you.
No means no and if he enrolls them in home school w/o your willing consent then I would consider some serious counseling and/or separation. I definitely see alarming and insecure behavior in his motives. You won’t have much of a marriage if this homeschooling issue isn’t resolved favorably. You will resent him and the kids. As the grandparents won’t help out it seems the apple didn’t fall far from the trees. I wouldn’t go out of my way taking the kids to them either.
These are all VERY valid feelings for you. Do not give in. If you don’t fight for yourself no one else will either. It will be hard but you deserve time and space. He gets it, why shouldn’t you?!
If you’re going to home school you need a coop so the kids can have the socialization and that will help you too.But don’t do it if you are absolutely not going to be happy. FYI, Our youngest grandchild is home schooled and he loves it.However they belong to a coop
Stand up for yourself honey,if he don’t give you a break take one,when he comes home from work,tell him your going out,leave him with the kids just for an hour or two
I did a whole year of virtual school with my children - it was not meant for us at all(I’m also a stay at home mom who spends almost all my time with my kids). My children struggled and I struggled helping them. They went back to school the next year and excelled. It’s not for everyone especially for someone who doesn’t get breaks. It helps that the teacher went to school to know how to help kids - it also helps that my kids get to socialize. Stick to your guns and do what’s best for you and most importantly the child. If your husband doesn’t understand than he is delusional.
Tell him to do it and you can work instead he should definitely be helping you with HIS children whether you’re a sahm or not. EVERYONE needs breaks.
Why does he feel like this is a good decision? Are you a sahm so he feels like you have the time to do it? If you are I would suggest getting a job so you can use that as an excuse not to do it. I would just communicate with him. Ask specifically why he wants you to do it. Or what are your options. Does he feel like you don’t need to be home without kids. Is he resentful that you’ll have that free time he doesn’t get? Be honest about your mental health. How you need the break. Compromise.
Your husband just wants to know what your doing 24/7 don’t give in. You deserve a couple of hrs a day to yourself
Don’t feel guilty. Just say no. Only controlling, selfish people who don’t care about you would insist that you do this. You need a break in order to be a good mom.
Why does he want homeschooling? There’s like a ton of other options out there (even such as cohorts within homeschooling) that would give you a break which can align to what he’s looking for. Such as, Christian schools, outschools, home groups etc etc
He can sign them up but you could then turn around and enroll them in public school. You’re equal parents. He doesn’t have more say than you although if he expects you to teach you do have more say in homeschooling than him. If he wants to homeschool the kids good for him.
Honestly I think for starting out school not home school is good. After kindergarten and first home school is okay. In my opinion. They learn so much in kindergarten and first.
Just schedule yourself a break. Don’t ask permission. Just go for a walk alone when kids in bed. Go get your hair done.
We homeschool for our own reasons, and my husband has been gone for 18 months.
Why does he want your children homeschooled?
Just say No. Nobody can force you to do something you don’t want! He is your husband, your partner… not your master… Sounds like you need to find your voice and your partner isn’t treating you like his equal
This sounds incredibly manipulative on his part. If you don’t want to homeschool then that’s the absolute end of the discussion. If he signs them up for it anyways then I’d assume HE will be the one doing it, and I’d tell him that. He doesn’t get to tell you what you’re going to do, y’all are supposed to be PARTNERS and he’s acting like this is a fucking dictatorship and he’s the one in charge. Stand your ground momma, you got this.
If he wants to homeschool have him stay home and do it you work see how he likes that
Nobody can make you do anything. Put your foot down & say no. It sounds like your spouse is extremely selfish & controlling anyway.
Simply tell him absolutely not if he wants them to be homeschooled he can hire someone or do it him self
Tell him he can do the home schooling and you will support the family
You can always swap you go to work and he stays at home.
Just say NO he wants them home schooled let him do it, you go and get something for you outside of the home.
ild tell me ill go get job u do everything I do on top off home-schooling tht change his tune quick
It is a big commitment,just say NO!!
If he wants your baby’s homeschooled tell him to do it himself end of story
Sounds like he is trying to keep you busy and doesnt want you to get time to think about anything else. Not saying he is but maybe he has another agenda going on.
Could you find a homeschooling program? American school system is at the bottom of a trash can. It is so bad. There are so many options outside of you doing it. The school system is failing kids, and not about education and learning anymore. However if you don’t want to, maybe a change is necessary and maybe your husband can do it?
He sees the last child going off to school, this is his solution to controlling you. Run like hell.
I’m not in the same with the homeschooling, but I have recently been in the situation to not having anytime to myself and I felt guilty for months for leaving my kids 1 day a month for a few hours to have for myself, then I’d have my husband act like a child about me leaving… I sit and had a talk with myself out the situation and I then told… not ask BUT told my husband I have been with my children (5 children) for the last 5 years as a stay at home mom, I lost myself trying to keep everyone happy and the house in order, it was time I got time to myself… so on his days off I will wake up, make breakfast (if I feel like it) and leave for the day and be home before dinner… I feel guilty at first, but after a few times of leaving him to be the father for the day it felt great getting time to myself, he wasn’t happy at first but I laid it out and gave him all my feelings about it and let him know it wasn’t an option for him, that’s just how it was going to go. It’s been a few months now and honestly our relationship has gotten alittle stronger and he sees the struggle it is being a stay at home parent… so now I get 2 days a week to myself and he gets one day a week to his self.
Hopefully things will get better for you
Sounds like a divorce. He doesn’t listen and really doesn’t give a rats ass about your well- being.
Tell your husband his homeschooling idea is fantastic and tell him if you get a day off from your new job you’ll have you’re willing to help out. Ask him when he is putting in his resignation and converting to staying home.
He can hit the pavement. What is up with men pushing their wants on to their partner yet can’t allow their partner a break. Your husband sounds like a controlling asshole and until you stand up to him- he will continue.
I get the impression that he doesn’t want you to have time to yourself alone is he the jealous type,put your foot down and say no kids need friends as well
Don’t feel guilty, besides your kids can socialize with other kids. Stick to your guns and enjoy your time for you
Find a job,a babysitter e bill it to your husband. You have same right and responsibility as he does.
Literally just refuse. He can’t make you do it. If he tries to sign them up for homeschooling, you are allowed to pull them from it and put them in school.
2 things here
1)Put your foot down and say absolutely not!!!. If he wants them home schooled he can figure out how to do it on his own.
2) what do you mean he won’t give you a break??? Just make plans and tell him you are going. Do not look back. Just do it. Good grief girl!!! Take some control over your life. Don’t be a doormat
Sounds like he’s trying to keep you trapped in the house
Use that your youngest needs more socializing that you can’t give them. So go through the first year in public school at least
Being a mom is hard enough, but us moms need that time while
Our children are in school, especially if you have more than one. You tell him if he wants them homeschooled he should probably quit his job and stay home and do that. Ask him how he expects the laundry and the house to get done, and food on the table and have the kids homeschooling while doing it.
Tell him how you feel. Explain that it won’t be good for them or you. Don’t feel bad that you don’t want to do it. It’s not for everyone. I love my children to death but during covid I had to do it bc the schools closes. I really almost lost my mind. I tried so hard but I couldn’t. There was constant fight. Misunderstandings and lots of tears. I was so happy when they went back and so were they.
!!!Not having any help from no one and then not being able to make a choice with your own kids ?? Yeah sorry but that’s to much and I think everyone is going to say the same !!!
I second that. Girl I’d run and stand my ground. You really think you can spend the rest of your life like this ? I’d be miserable as hell.
Sounds like you need to move on from your husband if he won’t give you support
Lots of red flags here. First off you aren’t just a mom. A mom is an incredible but exhausting job, not a “just”… You aren’t worth less because you’ve been raising kids for 9 years. Secondly as a homeschool mom let me tell you there’s no shame in sending kids to school, I sent four of mine this year because it was best for me and my family. Your husband and his family sound really toxic, I think you are absolutely right to get some time to yourself.
Men really have NO idea what it’s like to be a stay at home for so many years, or us even needing a break.
If he’s suggesting it, he can teach it!!
Is he a husband or a father to you? No is no…he can’t force you…and. kids do better w socializing…stand your ground!
Tell his ass to do it,
Put your foot down and stand your ground! Clearly he wants to be in full control of you and everything else that goes on. Cut that shit now. Sit him down and have a serious talk with him that you deserve times he your damn self and if he can’t respect that and if he can’t respect your needs, then maybe he’s not the right man for you. And you need to have a talk with the grandparents too. You need to put your foot down and take your life back. Your children do not define you. They are a part of you and a part of your life, but do not let them define who you are. And there is nothing wrong with looking forward to your last kids starting school. I jumped for joy when my last kid started lol. Do not feel guilty about wanting time for yourself. You are a human. You are a woman. You are so much more than just a mother and a wife.
Yeah nah feck that, I couldn’t and wouldn’t handle that, no is no tell him that’s it.
It sounds like you need to run from the entire situation TBH. You can be a single mom on your own and enjoy yourself so much more. That’s essentially what you are with a man controlling you. Read the book Untamed. It will change your life.
Don’t feel guilty. Having kids doesn’t mean that you are non-existent in life! Self-care IS caring about those you love most.
Sounds like you need to find a community. We were not made to go through life or parenting alone. Find a church or organization that you can create a community with.
First of all! DONT feel guilty for how you feel! Second, I’m homeschooling my youngest (who is 8) due to a teacher issue this year that the school would not help with and its hard! She will be going back to school next year and she can’t wait! It was a hard choice to pull her from school but she couldn’t do it anymore. If you think school is the best choice stick to it!
You can stand up for yourself! Tell him No! Get a job and leave his controlling do nothing ass!!!
Sounds like he needs a whole weekend alone with the kids. Last year my hubby had to watch our infant son and older son for the weekend. Now he knows how much work goes into the kids and agrees free time is a must just to keep your sanity
I may be wrong but it may be a security thing for him. What if, and here me out, he doesn’t want you to have the time to yourself. If you always have a child with you, how could you ever do anything “bad”. He could be insecure with you having time to yourself with no limitation on your hip if you catch my drift. I might be wrong and he is worried about the child going to the school around there but the fact that he wouldn’t let you have a few months of peace before taking on a burden like that shows that he is unwilling to be secure with you having alone time. Maybe he thinks that you should be working if he is, but either way it sounds like a controlling thing. FYI , I homeschool my child and I can tell you, it is a weight to take on because their education is now in your hands. You constantly feel like you aren’t doing enough even though you are because it’s that big of a burden. But, When my child finally started reading, it was a celebration all around because that was quite a good hurdle to be over, and watching her blossom with one on one education is so amazing, so the rewards of the responsibility are definitely worth it but it’s not something that you take on lightly or allow someone to force you into. I hope everything works out ok and I hope you find a solution that makes everyone happy. P.S.
Just remember that he is not in control of you and if he would be sneaky enough to sign you up for something like that behind your back, then you have another problem to worry about and he needs to work on himself.
He’s your husband you should be able to tell him exactly that. And if he doesn’t remember you are a big girl and mom. If you need it say it