My husband wants me to tend to his mom right after my c-section: Advice?

Ok so is your husband just going to ignore the fact that we are STILL in a pandemic? Mexico has so many cases not reported!!! Also, you can not have so many people around you or your newborn!!!

I would start by having him watch a c section being performed. Then watch another video of a doctor describing restrictions after surgery. I personally would be ok with MIL coming as I feel like she is going to want to help you. All the rest no. That is to many other little germy hands to risk a new born to as well as you right afterwards. Remind him of the issues you had before. And if he is sure to bring all the others as well then I would be packing mine and your others bags and maybe staying with one of your relatives for a few weeks after?

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A C-section is considered major surgery. You need time to heal. I would never let that many people come into my home Especially with covid. If the one daughter is well off they can afford a hotel. I would honestly lock myself in the bedroom and let him deal with it. All you are responsible for is you and your babies. Yall send them money and everything else. You shouldn’t have to be a maid to them too.

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Pandemic or not you should never have a newborn around that many people you technically don’t even know 10 years?

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Wow he does not have a clue of what’s happening how old is this mom and sisters you have family have someone in your family come in they can stay in Mexico till Christmas

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A grandmother wants to come and be around when granchild is born? I wont judge because there are always two sides to every story. Yours could be hormone driven and your husband being from another culture is part of. They are family oriented. Not just immediate family but parents and siblings. You both need to look at it from each others point of view. Sounds like maybe you could both be selfish. But, as I said two sides…

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Don’t let her come you already have so much to do with the other kids and the new born baby to come what help will she give when she comes around instead she will just be on the list of what do and attend to her wants and your husband is not being fair

He sounds like a narcissist and his family isn’t any better. Obviously none of them truly care about you in this situation. New baby and recovery mama should always come first. If him and his family aren’t willing to postpone the vacation to ease the stress off of you and the new baby. They’re not worth having around

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Seems to me you need four own vacation while they are in town. That is selfish for your husband to put you in that situation. It’s not like she can’t come another time when it would be better.

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Um u need rest after c section, NOT tending to grown adults who are lazy!

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As a veteran of 3 c-sections myself, all I can say is…Wow. He’s being selfish. A c-section is considered MAJOR surgery, and requires up to 6 weeks to heal. To avoid complications, perhaps it’s time your hubby hear it direct from your OB’s mouth?

This kind of stress is not healthy for your baby, either. So, you may have to make the tough choice and tell him that if he can’t or won’t back off, then he needs to leave, and he can entertain his family elsewhere. The health of your child trumps his uninformed desires.

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I would talk too him again and tell him that if they come your considering divorce

You’re being selfish? Wow! You have your answer.

Yeah. Divorce is the best option.

If I were you, I’d speak directly to the family. Tell them that since you just gave birth, they will have to fend for themselves. Most Hispanic women understand birth and post-partum pretty well; I know, having lived in Mexico for five years. Then, don’t stress about it and enjoy your baby.

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Reading this stressed me out!! Seems to me he doesn’t care to much about your health as long as he’s pleasing his family!! Personally I would be gone!! What’s gonna happen is they’re gonna come down there and live off of y’all and none of them will probably never go back!!

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C section is hard been through that! And having people over is too much! The family need to respect that and not show up till you fully recover! You’re not being selfish he’s being selfish! That’s outrageous on them! Put your foot down and say no especially with a newborn and covid! You don’t know what germs they’ll bring!

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I mean personally i think it would be a great opportunity to get to know his family. As you stated he hasn’t even seen them in ten years. Yes you will be having them over after you have given birth but that sounds like a village right in your home to help support your needs as a mom and pitch in when you need it. If this is the only situation making you consider divorce then I would take a look inwards and find out what the deeper reason is. I would look at this as a blessing and an opportunity. Not a divorce case because his family is coming into town after being separated from him for ten years. Just my personal opinion.

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You don’t think they will help you out since you just had the baby? Have you talked to your MIL? And how does she just plan on staying? Her visa will only last but so long. And why can’t he just buy the tickets for a couple of more weeks after?

I will suggest you ask if they can come visit after you have recovered from your c. Sec.

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Unless she is planning on helping ease your burden, your husband needs to be more considerate of you. A partnership isn’t where one person makes all the choices without input from the other.

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You’re definitely not being selfish. That sounds not fun at all even if you weren’t about to have a baby. Where does you husband plan on putting everyone? He is being completely inconsiderate of your feelings. However do you think MIL could be helpful? Help with kids, cook, Clean? The rest of the family coming is definitely to much and shouldn’t even have been brought up thats to much to deal with. And he’s wrong to even consider that would be a good idea after you just had a baby.

First of all… C-section is no fun. This is a major surgery that REQUIRES rest and help with other kids for at least the 6weeks of healing. Your kids cannot take care of themselves because of their age. For at least the first 3 weeks, you should not drive or pick up heavy objects. Too much exertion after surgery can pop the stitches and that is no fun either.
Hubby needs to watch videos on this subject and should talk to my husband.
As far as you catering to your MIL after surgery, hmm, that is a negetory! Seriously the first week is hard as it is with trying to nurse a baby and keeping the both of you healthy. SLEEP, you need sleep! You won’t have much energy for much of the first week let alone with other littles in the house is going to be a challenge In itself. Putting a MIL within all of this and expecting you cater to her at the same time is not right. If she wants to come have her understand you will need help. Help would be much appreciated and maybe sometime after the 6weeks of healing you could treat her with an outing (etc).
Now about the rest of the family. I would say NO! They could come for a couple of days and possibly help but no other kids and they need to pay their way If they are well off and stay somewhere else. I know that family is very important in husband’s community but also a happy wife is also a happy life. I also can say that him hearing things like this from the doctor would also help.
My husband thought with our first Rainbow Baby that I would be able to pop-up and go but after the surgery I was so week and needed help. I couldn’t drive for at least 4weeks. I was able to take care of myself and the baby with his help in feeding the baby a pumped bottle so I could produce more healthy milk. Family helped us with dropping food of that was simple and easy to reheat. Showers became a luxury thing. With our second Rainbow Baby it was harder because not only did I have a toddler I also had a newborn. I had to have the same help as before but also had to find a way for my first to get to preschool. Thank goodness my husband took time off of work to take the first child until my recovery and doc allowed me to drive.
Again the expectation of husband having you to cater to his family in my opinion is just not right. And to expect you to have these other family members stay in your home is preposterous. Your home is already full (assumption) and to have more chaos can heavily disrupt in many ways your place privacy.

  1. The sisters need to grow up. 2. You dont need to be “tended” to after a csection, just helped some. 3. Not your responsibility to tend to anyone other than yourself and kids. 4. Tell him he can tend to all of them, that your not
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And why are we all trying to bombard a mother, with a newborn with 20 family members. I doubt anyone is vaccinated for COVID.

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unfortunately he will continue to support his sisters that live in the same house and that will never change. Even if you were to hold your breath. Also you mil being here I highly doubt you will be tending to her needs. I can guarantee she will help you with everything if she’s a nice mil. Good luck!

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They will come to take care of u and baby. Let that be known. And it doesn’t take that long to recover from a c section. I was out shopping right after being released from having my twin c section.

Ask him if he’d like to have major abdominal surgery and entertain 10 people right after. Remind him again that this is MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY and you’re really not supposed to do anything for at least 6 weeks

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DON’T entertain them tell your husband YOURE not doing anything but taking care of your newborn and other children If they want to eat they can cook and clean up after themselves. Your ONLY priority is your kids

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Or maybe you get the help you need after having a csection? Your assuming what may or may not happen. They may show you a thing or 2.

I wouldn’t be okay with having so many people around me with a newborn baby during a pandemic, let alone after literally being cut open. Mother in law might be helpful though with the excitement of seeing her son & helping with her new grandkid. Unless she’s one of those people who want all their needs tended to when they’re a guest anywhere. It doesn’t seem that way if anything it sounds like she’s a nurturer and probably already helping her other kids. If it comes down to it would you be able to stay with your mom or aunt for the 2 weeks his family’s visiting? You can get a break and less people while he has quality time with his family. Idk just an idea.

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I don’t see a problem with Mil coming I mean she will treat u like her daughter she will baby u. Hispanic mils are the best. Tell his sister’s they can wait a couple months after so u can have time n baby will at least have his shots

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What a beautiful man you have to take care of his family and who wouldn’t want someone there helping especially after a c section with other kids around. My mil was my savior when the babies were little

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Most the time they will tend to you . You would be surprised. If not don’t entertain them . Take care of you . But if he anit seen his momma in 10 years don’t take that away .

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After I had my son (csection gone completely wrong). My mil came from Mexico and did absolutely everything for me, cooked, cleaned, helped me shower, folded laundry, entertained my other children. I owe her so much

Just ask him to compromise and have him wait a few more weeks. You need time to heal and recover. I do agree it could be some help for you if your husband doesn’t plan on taking time off to help you. You cannot lift anything heavier than your newborn for six weeks. Even if the house is falling apart you need to focus on your healing. Don’t push yourself to do all the house work. Your husband needs to pick up some slack and help as well so you don’t have any issues with your incision. That’s a lot of people to have in your home after just having surgery. Maybe just suggest only his mother coming for a few weeks before his sisters come.

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I’m the one with the family that lives out of state, literally my entire family. I would give anything to see them regardless. I see where you’re coming from and where he is coming from. Have you met her yet? Maybe she will become your best friend and be so incredibly helpful. Maybe it doesn’t work out and you can talk with your husband about that when and if that time comes. I say just give it a chance and see where it goes. Think positive that maybe she will cook you the most amazing dinners and tend to that wild little 16 month old while you sit somewhere quiet and feed the newborn. It could be good things too. Don’t put all bad in your head :heart:

It takes a full year to completely heal from a c section–at least 8 weeks to be able to care for your other children and home. No one should ever be expected to care for anyone else while healing from major surgery–the only people allowed in the home should be those who are willing to take care of you!

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You would really think divorce because he wants to see his mom. Really. Suck it up. They may be more help then you know. You just do what you normally would. They are adults they can fend for them self.

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Why use the divorce card? Is that really a reason to divorce. Just tell the well off sister that she and the other sister will have to find a hotel nearby. As far as the mil I agree and it works both ways. When by DIL had her c section I stepped in with her 7 yr old and supported her made the meals and got the boys breakfast lunch and dinner for everyone. But it works both ways I was sick a few years back and she would literally drop everything just to come visit and help me out but mostly just to feel the void of Human connection. Today she is not with my son but our bond is so strong. She also has 2 of my favourite people in the entire world my grandsons. Sorry the divorce thing just threw me off. Ugh

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Honestly I don’t see anything wrong with the mother-in-law coming maybe she will be a big help but as far as the others They can wait. I have to agree with some of what some of the other people wrote. If you are thinking about divorcing your husband simply because he has family that wants to come there than there are probably deeper problems going on. Yes I do think your husband needs to be more understanding especially as far as the other people wanting to come. But if your mother-in-law wants to come she may like I said end up being a big help to you

They are from Mexico so it will be different from there! His mom, if im not wrong, will do most or even everything for you and the kids! Your mil will want to spoil your husband. In latin culture we have quarantine after giving birth meaning staying at home just taking care of the newborn, I suggest talking to your mil and to be open minded. You are stressing too much before they really coming. About his sisters i would tell your husband its not the right time yet, that they are welcome after some weeks that you want to get to know your mil without other people and also enjoy your time with the baby and kids

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1 I would stop giving them money. Bunch of lazy assholes.

Kick your selfish husband out

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Are they gonna get tested before they come if they do nothimg when home you expect them to help you I think not

When i had breast cancer my hubby had family that wanted to come visit i wasnt up to visitors while going through treatment i told him im not having visitors because im not wearing a bra so dont let anyone come he listened and i recovered happily on our own thankgod he wasnt silly like your husband

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Let the MIL come the rest of the family would be a no. They can come another time. Have her test for covid when she comes.

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I understand not wanting the whole family but if it was your mom would she be welcomed? MIL is grown you wouldn’t have to tend to her like a child. Csections are not that bad…

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Maybe just ask him if it can just be his mother for now . So there won’t be alot of people around the baby and so you can recover . Or if you can go stay with your mom while you recover . If his whole family is gonna be there he needs to stay home while they are there .

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I would make a group chat with those family members that want to stay. with clear expectations that you will be recovering from major surgery and you WILL not be hosting at all they are to clean and cook for themselves you will be doing none of it. They are expected to do their own grocery shopping and helping with the other kids if they ate going to blow your house up so soon after surgery. You need to lay boundaries out with your husband and his family and tell his family this directly because he’s not going to tell them

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I understand where your coming from but he hasn’t seen his mom is 10+ years which is probably killing him inside. You sound so bitter if your thinking of divorcing him over this. Not anyone’s fault your pregnant not anyone’s fault your previous insecions opened up. You made alot of unnecessary points in this post. I see literally no issue in his mom coming to visit, she may be very helpful you don’t know.

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First off, is his mother healthy? Or will she be a burden? If she is healthy, she may be a huge help for you. Mexican mother’s love to cook and clean. Whenever my mother in law would come over I used to have to ask her to relax because she always tried to clean. Do you know her? If he hasn’t seen her in ten years, is it also uncomfortable for you because you won’t be able to do as much as a hostess? I am introvert so I completely understand. I hate unexpected guests, no matter who they are and after entertaining for a day I get mentally exhausted. I bet as a new mom you want to just enjoy your new baby and your other children. Your husband is being an ass. If he can wait ten years what’s another month?! As for the sisters that’s insane! Idk how big your house is but you mentioned one has five kids and her husband! Fuck that! I would die. Maybe if it was one family of like four but that’s seven people and not including the mother in law and other sis in law and her kids. I don’t blame you. They need to get a hotel!

I completely understand what u must be feeling, I wouldn’t want anyone over after the birth of my baby either; unless it’s my mother ! C section is not easy ! I had 3 and it is hard to recover after even more so with 2 other little ones and having to do everything, I think ur husband just doesn’t understand like most, I’m sorry your going through this. I don’t have much advice for u unfortunately bt if it was me I would stand my ground and if u don’t like it then bye. Good luck :pray::heart:

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Try to meet him in the middle, maybe his mom can come and she could be a huge help with the kids (depending on what MIL you have) I recovered PP c-section alone during the height of covid, and it was my first child, I can’t imagine what you will be going through with 3! she might be just the help you need. His family should not be planning a vacation to come see you right after surgery and the birth of your child. suggest that they come 4-6 weeks after your MIL does.
If he intends on his mother staying, he needs to be 100% upfront with you.

Wow divorce? Your MIL is Mexican and if you just had your baby then she expects you to stay in bed and home for 40 days so no you won’t need to entertain her. Your MIL will care for you and your baby and you will rest. Sister in law coming also, now you have plenty to help with the
your other child. Contemplating divorce because your MIL is coming sounds pretty selfish.

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Let momma come. Im.sure she will be a blessing. As for the others let him know they’re not welcome right now.

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Everyone is stressing about the C section…giving birth period is a lot on the mom…natural or not…me personally it wouldn’t happen at all unless the MIL is there to help not be a burden…the rest of the family is a no go… family & economics are the leading reasons for divorce. My husband knows better anyway…certain thing’s are non negotiable…marriage is hard as it is…I’m NOT letting anyone add to it period.

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You honestly think that your Mil will not help you, then you do not know the mexican culture of the mil because she will take care of you .

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If they come you do not have to entertain them your husband should thats his family especially since your going to be healing from having his baby and your husband sounds very selfish and honestly sounds disrespectful

Or are you being childish and should get over yourself

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You need to stand up for yourself. Tell them point blank that only your MIL can stay over. If the rest insist on coming then they can stay in a hotel. That’s just too many people over in a pandemic. They’re all old enough to look after themselves

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Divorce over this!!??? Girl, get a real problem. I completely understand your frustration. Bad timing, poor decisions on his part, rude on their part. But, really it’s been 10 years since he’s seen his mother. Just talk to the guests, maybe they will want to help. Maybe they will reconsider the amount of people visiting or the timing.

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Hubby should take leave when the family come over so they can all help with the kids and entertain each other while Mom recovers.

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Why are you making it a bad thing about his family coming. They can help with the kids cleaning house and cooking so I dont get the issue. You wanna get a divorce over his family coming to see him that he hasnt saw in 10 years. If I was ur husband he needs to file for divorce.

I think you’re thinking to much on this… I started dating my current bf over 3 years ago. I have a 7yo and we have a 1yo. His family are all from Mexico. Most of his immediate family are here in the US now. In December we moved to Texas closer to his family. I was nervous leaving everything I knew behind, my mom always acted like it was horrible for anyone to ask her for help and she would drag you for anything she helped you with, constantly hold it against you, gossip to others how she does this and that and no one appreciates her etc. Even if you pay her back or help her in return nothing was ever good enough. Now my bfs family on the other hand… they are amazing it’s a love I’ve never seen before. Nothing is a burden to them. They all take care of each other and that’s okay they are family. You don’t need to “entertain” them. Just let them in and let them help you. That’s all they want I guarantee you. They want to help take care of you and the baby not burden you let them come help you! And him sending money to his mom while his sisters live there to pay Bills for all of them should not be a problem life there is different it’s not like it is here. Work can be really hard or nonexistent depending on where you live especially for women. I’m glad they have your husband to help them.

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You married into the wrong culture if this is how you think… divorce him please so he can find someone who will love his family. They are not bad people. This is literally what Hispanic culture is.

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I wouldn’t want anyone at my house after giving birth to my child. My home my rules

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Tell them no .and that maybe after the baby is 2 or 3 mo

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Honestly I’m with you on this I wouldn’t want a lot of people in my home after having a baby at all especially during a pandemic to and than a c section the heck no and honestly he’s being the selfish one because you need to recover first and than there’s a pandemic going on and not thinking of his family putting his family at risk and a newborn the heck no no way would I’d deal with that myself granted he may miss his mom I don’t blame him on that but he could definitely wait until your doing better and seems like he would not want to put any of his family at risk with this pandemic :mask: and all those others don’t need to be coming either that’s way to much a risk but I’d definitely run if he can’t respect that

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Just hire someone to come over fr 2 months. If U have to take care of her for the rest of Her life He will be saving tons. Don’t ask Do it for Your Health. Obviously he don’t care if Your insides rip trying to care for an Adult and a child. I’ll say a Prayer that You come to Your senses. And not injure Yourself for others that won’t take time off to Help His own Mother.

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Learn the mexican culture. You will be treated like a queen. 10 years. My hubs would divorce me if I said no his family couldn’t come. I think I would suck it up and enjoy the visit

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Too risky to have so many people visiting if your spouse doesn’t like your decision let him entertain them and you take your kids on a nice long vacation until everybody goes home

Are you able to go somewhere else? like to the home of a family member you trust to stay for awhile while your husband entertains and tends to his family?

Ask your husband if She can help you with the kids while you are recuperating. Call your mil and tell her you are so happy and really appreciate she’s coming to help you with the baby and kids ( so she mentally prepares for it)
And be clear about not being the best time for the big group to come right now but you will happily open your house to them in a future occasion.
You can also talk to your Dr so he can explain to your husband the kind of care you will need after the C section so he and his mom can help you and you can rest

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I would definitely be telling them they have to stay elsewhere, a hotel or something if u r not comfortable with it, his mother coming would probably be a huge help to u and the kids but everyone else would not be able to come especially around the baby with covid going on

Ask him to ask he’s mother if she can help you and Bubs or help with the other kids so you can heal faster.

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Your mother in law? yes. Everyone else?no.

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  1. Mexico has a high number of cases of Covid
  2. have your doctor tell him what the restrictions are after having a c-section
  3. you shouldn’t have that many people around you when you have a new born during a pandemic
  4. he’s selfish. Have him take off and take care of his mama you have enough to do

The whole thing sounds ridiculous. If anyone visits, it should only be to help you and allow you the time to heal, rest, and bond with your baby. In no way should you have to cater to them. And as others mentioned above, the number of guests should be minimal. Vacations can happen at any time. The Dr. needs to have a serious discussion with him regarding your restrictions and priorities, including the fact that your husband’s first priority is your health and wellness and ability to be a good mom. Nothing else matters here.

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The mother in law, sure. It maybe extreamly annoying. But at the end of the day that’s his mom…but the other 6 people can wait. The others can come up some other time. Thats way to many people. Making way to much noise around a newborn, when ur running on no sleep and recovering. Absolutely not.

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Yes to the mother in law visiting UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES that she fully understands that you CANNOT entertain. Coming from a large family myself, I could see how everyone wants to come by and vacation, but if they could stay elsewhere and only come over here and there to help YOU with the baby and YOUR errands then it would be ok. How stressful. I’m so sorry you are put in this situation. I hope your MIL understands and doesn’t even have to be told that you cannot entertain her.

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Nope. If attach some pliers to his balls and ask how willing he is to help in that state.

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So for those who don’t understand. Hispanic families always come in groups. They are traditionally old school. Which means the son her husband was taught to never say no to the family. On top of that, it is expected for him to help the family. You will not convince him in any way. FYI a white woman married to a Hispanic man. She needs to put her foot down and say no. Or go to her moms if it is an option.

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The mother in law, could actually be of help to you, with your other kids while you are healing and your husband is at work. The others need to be respectful and not come at that time because you are healing, especially with that many kids coming.

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With covid I’d say no just on principal it has died down but still. Newborns dont have any immunity until atleast 1st check up and can take atleast 6 weeks 2 be able 2 fight any kind of infection. 2nd having a csection and my tubes tied at the same time, I couldnt sleep in my own bed or barely even walk let alone get off the couch by myself 2 get my kids. I had a 5 year old at the time in school so I know it’s hard. I cant imagine having 2 others 2 deal with while trying 2 recover from a third c section. Men really dont understand being cut from hip 2 hip fuckin hurts. If ur financially having 2 take care of the mother I’d say if she isnt already legal get her legalized and move here in with u guys. The others need 2 fend 4 themselves they are more than old enough 2 do so. I are not just supporting the mother ur supporting a house of people who are grown. She could be a big help but extra family when a newborn is around is just a pain in the butt. If he cant respect the fact u dont want 2 entertain extra family then can u go 2 ur parents where there isnt extra going on?

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Sounds like this is all perfectly normal for your husbands culture which is why he sees nothing wrong with it, I doubt you’ll convince him otherwise so you will either have to resign yourself to being a ‘recovering from fresh surgery’ hostess to a bunch of freeloaders or find somewhere else for you and your kids to stay and recover while they visit

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The sisters can help with mother and you can avoid them by staying in bed as you shouldn’t be up anyway right, its two weeks, that will fly by. He hasn’t seen them in 10 years!! You sound selfish, dramatic, and I think the real issue is how he supports them, but if you knew that before why is it a problem now?

Besides the sisters can help with household needs, probably eat some good food for two weeks :sweat_smile:

A C-section is major surgery, your body needs time to heal. Your partner needs to put your health and the babies health above anything else.

I’d pack my bags and get tf out :joy:

I think the best advice is to let his MIL come help you after your surgery, since I am sure she understands. Tell the rest of the family that they need to get a hotel if they want to visit. Your husband must love you, so don’t leave, but instead talk it out with him. You, your husband, and your marriage is worth that much. That will probably be very hard. Pray hard and ask God’s advice. I’ll be praying for you to have strength and for your family, too.

Nope nope nope nope nope. WAY too many people around a newborn during COVID-19. Even without COVID-19, that situation is still a HUGE nope. Let them sign a hotel. If they have money to travel then they have money for a hotel. Your husband can still see them, but you are going to need his full attention to help with the children and give you a chance to heal.

I’d leave. You deserve respect

You definitely should draw the line at mom coming. Just let mom come and the others stay behind. You need rest and recovery but maybe mom can offer some help to you.

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You need to have him go to the dr. With you and have him explain to your husband how serious a c section is. I have had 2 and it’s major surgery you know already. Tell him to have his family come a couple of months later. What’s a few months. If he doesn’t do that then I would question his caring about you. If he truly cares about you he would change the arrangements.

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Go stay with your mother while they are visiting and get some rest. Take your children with you leave your husband to entertain his family when they leave you and your kids go home.

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He probably wants his mom to come to help you out. Mexican culture they believe you should rest 40 day recovery. Not doing any hard house chores.

He doesn’t care about your feelings, wishes or health. That is your answer.

Let grandma come. Let grandma help you while he is working. Get to know her while she is there. Then draw the line on anyone else coming.