My hubs and I have been together for six years. We have five kids together, my two from prev, his one from prev, and two together. My question is this. My bonus son’s mom is extremely over protective/controlling IMO. He pays her child support (not through court) every month. Yet will only let us keep him one night a week. In our state bi, the weekly weekend is the usual custody agreement. I feel like they are both losing times together, and my hubs are worried about going to court and losing time with him. I told him to speak up about it to her first, try to reach an agreement with her without being disrespectful, but making his voice heard… he feels it’s not worth the argument.
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Thats a little harsh his kid should be the main reason to speak up
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If he doesn’t wanna fight for his kid then that’s on him. 
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Yes he needs speak up. Both deserve more time together
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Court will ensure he gets more time
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Spending more time with his kid isn’t worth the argument?! Sounds to me like he wants to complain about wanting more time with his child but doesn’t wanna do anything about it.
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He should feel like his child is always worth an argument…if he doesn’t make the effort now, his child will question it when he gets older…
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I think, if anything, a judge will probably grant him 50/50. Most judges do. If y’all are living close, good people, responsible, etc there is absolutely no reason why a judge would rule in anything, but 50/50.
Your husband needs to man up and take her to court. Period. She doesn’t get to run the show. At this point, she could legally keep him and he wouldn’t be able to see him until he went to court. He needs to man up, take the risk. I bet the judge will grant him 50/50
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Tell him to ask for my time and if she says no take her to court
He will get more time with his child if he goes to court. He will get at the very least everyother weekend and he can ask to have him week off week on during summer if the child is not school aged they will allow week off week on all the time so 50/50. But I know for a fact he will get more time then he is right now if he does not fight in court
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The way family Court is set up I understand his fear, he should still try though. It’s worth it.
He should fight for his kid. If he reaches out, especially through documented text message asking for more time, and she demands more money or says no, he can present that to the court, and it’ll look really bad on her. She’ll have to explain it to a judge.
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In the beginning my man was like this with his ex. He was so worried about keeping the peace because she can be difficult to talk to that he pretty much just went along with whatever she said. I have been the one in his ear shedding light on how screwed up their arrangement was. He went from having my bonus daughter 2 days a week from 8-5 (no over nights) to us having her Tues-Friday. That fear of rocking the boat and making things worse can be crippling— reassure him that you are fighting this fight with him and encourage him to go to court. Easier said than done… I know. But don’t let him give up. You can’t get these precious years back
Without knowing the whole situation, no one knows what the court will grant. However, the statement “he feels it’s not worth the argument” speaks volumes.
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Kids are ALWAYS worth the argument. Talk to the mother. If she disagrees take it to court.
In my state, Ky, the “norm” isn’t every other weekend anymore. Courts and workers are doing everything to push a “50-50” custody agreement.! Depending on how far apart y’all live, this grants “equal” time for each parent. Good luck! 
He won’t lose his time. He voluntarily pays child support (not court ordered) puts in an effort to see him and WANTS more time. A judge will give him a more fair visitation agreement if the mom won’t. He isn’t asking for anything unreasonable.
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Judge will instill at the least (to one parent) every other weekend starts from Friday-Sunday. That would be 4 overnights and 2 days =6 days a month and if school is only 4 days a week it can be 6 over nights and 2 days= 8 days a month which is still more than what he’s getting now.
The key is to get 4 overnight a week and u won’t pay child support.
But if you don’t mind paying and just want more time he should take her to court Becuz she’s scamming him. Also he shouldn’t request for the minimum (that’s the typical schedule above when parents can’t decide prior to trial) he should request more time such as 3-4 overnight every week. Especially if you both live close by there is no reason why the judge won’t agree to splitting the time more equally. Becuz both can take to school and provide equal care. When he files for custody and parenting he will write it in the docs and submit. It cost bout $300 to file in court.
Waiting around for that mother to grant more time to him is a waste of energy and emotional roller coaster. She won’t budge.
I would get a lawyer and talk to him first then talk to the mom if she says no to more time things are in process. Ask for a 2-5 situation. MT / WTH / then FSS. That way she won’t go a week with out seeing him
He needs to go to court and have child support and custody established through them. Up until now everything he has given her for child support won’t even count though.
My concern here is that he’s paying child support without court involvement. Many people think that’s best for various reasons. In reality unless CS & custody are established in court it doesn’t exist according bro the courts. So if he takes her to court for more time the court will see him as a deadbeat. It’s not going to help him. The judge will most likely order the highest child support if she asks for an increase.
Hes not going to get less time with him, if anything the court may grant him more time but make sure he can prove what he has been paying her because the courts could make him pay arrears. Also depending on what he does pay is possible that he may pay more through the system. At the same time, it’s his son. Worth every bit of it
Have him take her to court to establish a parenting time plan. And pay child support through the state, otherwise if things get ugly, she might say she never got support and they will charge him for back support. Parenting is two parents. Not one parent 99% of time, and other parent 1%. If he wants to spend more time with child. Then he needs to make that fact known. He deserves to have more time. A lot of dads don’t want more time. I commend him for paying support and wanting child more often. A parenting time plan can establish that. And it’s nothing against mom, but he does have rights. And should enforce them.
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If it’s worth the time to him, he will ask her. All she can say is no and then he has to decide if he wants to take it to court. He should be paying child support through the court period. I hope he has receipts of what he’s given her already. Just because the court has a standard visitation agreement doesn’t mean they will not award him more time, especially if y’all live close to one another.
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Go to court. Sounds like he is a good father and the courts will see that.
He should also pay child support through court so they have it on record otherwise she could sue him for child support if he can’t prove it. Not sure what the rules are in your state but worth checking out.
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Not paying child support through the court is not smart. She could deny you paid. Court has records if paid thru them.
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Keep a written statement . How much paid. Things bought for child school clothes, if he does food drop offs, pays any bills, lights, water,medical, school.
Also notes on visiting, and phone calls
It’ll most like be every other weekend, every other holiday and weeks during summer vacation. Keep receipts and bank statements of child support paid and journals of when he gets him. Times he asked to get him but was denied. This is always bonuses in court
I would do it casually. If possible. Like plan camping for a whole weekend far enough away that he can’t go home Tomorow then you have Friday to Sunday night. If you do this three times. She’ll
Look forward to it and she’ll be easier to convince. Sometimes not making a huge discussion out of it makes all the difference.
You assume she’s gonna freak. She assumes that your trying to take her child support right. So make it a weekend you hand her the money and give her the whole weekend off. 
. Make sure he calls her at bedtime and make sure he either finds a treasure or souvenir to take to her.
Hugs. Sounds like going around the situation. May be your only choice without hurt feelings. And when it comes to this stuff it about hurt feelings. Especially if he’s an only child at her house and there he’s surrounded by buddies to play with. Especially right now. Hugs
He needs to get a court order. There’s nothing stopping her from not letting him see his child at all right now. He also needs to get child support done through the courts.
If he is not paying child support through the state that could be bad news for him. Especially if it’s cash. He needs to establish paternity through the court system and they will allow him visitation of X amount of days. Some parents get their children and even for the summer. You need a lawyer and you need to establish paternity.
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He needs to speak up now children grown-up so quickly and time passes so quickly if he truly wants more time he should demand it now and make the most of their time together if he doesn’t he might regret it later on
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