Do I stay with my secret husband or not? My husband and I eloped in Vegas on March 10, 2020. We literally flew back to Texas, and Vegas got shut down that day. COVID was really hard on us. (I agreed to elope if he still proposed and we had a wedding) that we both get what we want. I feel like he’s embarrassed by me or won’t claim me or do it. He says he loves me and wants a family- we both have a kid also. Yet it’s been over a year; we now get in fights because I don’t think he’ll ever do it. We had to move in with his dad. So he wants to get the house first. On top of that we told our families well a few—which they keep asking when’s the wedding, and we get an arguments cuz I want to announce it, and he says not yet…to make things worse, his sister doesn’t approve and tells him to end things with me or “Get out” now we don’t even hang out with them. It’s hurting him, and he’s saying I separated him from his family. I want to believe his words, but he can’t even get a ring and do his part. He says I’m overreacting…do I stay or move on?
I think you should leave him, He’s not a real man that shows love and affectionate being with you. He’s in shame with you? I think he’s wasting your time!! Run!!
Why are you fighting anout a “wedding” when you are already married?
If you’re keeping him from his family, that’s not cool. Hiding your relationship is toxic, especially if there’s a child in the mix.
I would leave, why be with someone who makes you feel like that. You deserve more !
You need to run why you still can and don’t look back life is to short you shouldn’t have to settle for less than you deserve .
Throw his ass to the curb and get out as fast as you can.
Is the any parts to the story you may be leaving out ? That we should know?? If not then me personally if I got married I would be above the clouds and wouldn’t want anyone to tell me I can’t tell the world… so he is hiding it or something sus. I would leave. But that’s me… you need to do what your hearts tells you not your head… good luck girl!
Get a lawyer and get a divorce. Leave him now. My husband and I eloped while on vacation. We told most of his family right away. The rest of our families were told within 3 months. There’s no reason to keep it a secret for over a year. It’s time to leave and get a divorce.
run fast now for you and your child
If that’s love I don’t want love.
Is it a question of money? Who would pay for a wedding and your ring? Do they think you’re a gold digger or that you plan to saddle him with a ton of children to support while you are a SAHM? Would his family shame him for eloping? Are you from different cultures with different expectations? Is he secretly still married to someone else? Is he attracted to another woman?
I’d push him for answers on what he thinks will happen if you tell the family? Will they write him out if the will? Were they hoping he’d marry someone else (specific) or anyone else who meets their criteria for a suitable wife? Is this typical of his interactions with you and his family, or is this new behavior? Sounds awfully strange.
How old is your child together? Does his family love your child? How would she/he react to a divorce?
Research separation and divorce in your state and get copies of all bank accounts and any other assets. See how much you’d get in child support if any, and decide how much child custody you’d want if you split. Doesn’t mean you should leave him, but definitely research your options. Always good to be informed. Also research resources for your child if you get divorced. She/he will need emotional support and counseling to reassure its not their fault.
Why did you move in with his dad? Has that changed his behavior? Seems like added stress. Maybe pride—he doesn’t want people to think he can’t support a wife and child because you’re living with his parent? Was he able to support y’all before?
I’d keep asking nicely, without judgment, possibly offering various scenarios, some mentioned above, for his hesitancy. If he’s ashamed of you & was drunk when you got married and regrets it, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
Can you get couples/marriage counseling? That might get to what’s behind all this subterfuge.
That is never going work!
My husband tried this. I told the kids (my step kids) after 6 months. woops. Three year anniversary in August
I feel like you already know the answer to the question.
1st red flag, he wants to keep it a secret. 2nd red flag, it’s been a secret for over a year. 3rd red flag, he didnt stick up for you when sister told him to end things and leave you. Now it’s your fault?
Shall I keep going?
That’s not love. That sounds more like he wants to tie you down with no real commitment
Time to go! Sounds he is a sneaky person and up to no good.
He doesn’t want everyone to know you are married. That way he can present himself as an available single unattached man with no responsibilities. You can be explained away if anyone asks. He is a player.
He flew you to vegas and eloped to shut you up about marriage. Obviously his plan backfired because now you want to announce it. Girl, know your worth and dip.
Why does everyone seem to be glossing over the fact that she’s worried about a ring and a wedding when they don’t even have a HOME! Sounds like he’s got his priorities straight and she only cares about herself.
Move on. There’s no legit reason for him to keep your marriage a secret. He’s likely got a second wife/finance.
Lol why would you WANT to announce it? Sounds like you should be worried about moving out first, not a piece of jewelry
I’d say give home some time. He wants to feel like a man. You’re living with his dad. Men have an ego and right now he probably feels like he is failing. Responsibilities come first. He is with you, tell you he loves you and wants a family. He’s trying to give you reassurance. He is dating you. People and family know of you. So I don’t think he’s embarrassed. Maybe he wants to have a special wedding. With yin’s still living with his dad that can’t happen. If you love him then you’ll stay and help him get to where he needs to be.
i would wonder the same thing, is he embarrassed by you or what? why wouldn’t he want people to know you are married. i was having marital problems and didn’t know what i wanted. i ended up deciding what i didn’t want in order to decide what steps i had to take to get away from what i didn’t want-- which in turn led me to what i did want-- you may have to take this same approach, what are you not wanting, not willing to put up with and then decide how to get away from what you don’t want.
Why would you even want to be with this guy?
So you’re living with his family, both have children, you guys can afford to fly down to Vegas to get married but can’t afford to live in your own home. You want to bring another child into his family’s home before getting your own home. You want a ring and a wedding, again before putting necessities first. I’d say straighten out your priorities, figure out what’s important and needed before splurging on wants instead of needs! Maybe he’s afraid of the backlash his family will give him when they find out you both spent money you could’ve saved for your own futures ! I’d be pretty upset if my grown children with children were living with-off me but could afford to jump a couple states to go to party city and get married!
That ring and wedding don’t matter! The marriage between 2 people matters. You are already married. Work it out and stop fighting.
All of it.
You want a ring and a wedding, but have no house yet.
He doesn’t want to tell other people you guys are married?
Do some real soul searching on where you have been an where you think it is going. If you see no change move on. It is not fair to you. An then he can have his family back.
Move on you can do better
You are asking for a ring and a wedding when you guys don’t even have a place of your own? Covid happened to everyone and was hard on many. Personally his family sounds like they would be pissed if he told them her eloped because clearly they are very involved. I personally would be doing my best to encourage my man to make it thru the hard time and into our own place before being concerned about a wedding! The MARRIAGE is the important part. Or do you, as so many others do, just want the wedding…
Sounds like people are pressuring him to either marry you or leave you and that’s gotta be stressful on him. On top of that, he’s gotta look for a home and provide for you. How about, shut the fuck up, ease his stress and just be fucking happy?? Y’all are already married. Not everyone needs to know and you don’t need a fucking ring for him to prove that he wants to be married to you.
He’s probably embarrassed that he doesn’t have his shit straight and spending the money on a Vegas trip, and now a ring would make him look even worse.
Girl leave him that is crazy
Secrets never work, being a secret wife, sounds like you need to ask yourself what if your daughter told you her man said that they had to keep their marriage a secret. You would be seeing red flags. Set an example, never be a secret.
Let it go girl- maybe if he looses you he will straighten up but life is to short for that crap. Do what your gut is telling you.
Move on girl because life is to short and if he really does love you I’ve always believed ACTIONS speak more then just words and a truly in love man would not be acting this way. A real man that’s in love would be so happy to call you his wife and proudly show you off to the world that your his forever. I know this from experience myself because I’ve was blessed to have a man to do just that. Your worth is so much better then the way he’s being
Marriage is hard and it takes work and a support system. Family should be ur number one supporter’s. Supporter’s of both of u and ur marriage. It shouldn’t b a secret.
Oh Lord, I feel for you. A real man would stand up for you. If you need to be kept a secret, he is not the one!!!
This is dumb.waste of time
Girl your in a secret marriage…. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT