My husband and I have been married for nearly four years but together for 15 years. We have been through a great deal together military service with deployment, etc. He is extremely unhappy in his current job. He finally figured out what he wants to with his life and career. It is across the country, in one particular state. For years I begged and pleaded with him to take a leap of faith and move. He did not listen to me. Now I am no longer ready to pack up my life and leave my family and friends(that he has kept me somewhat separated from). I am now the villain in all of this because I am no longer willing to be the team player that gives up everything. Respect and appreciation are not things that I normally experienced throughout my life, and I have a hard time leaving somewhere that I have finally found it. I am heartbroken that it has seemingly come to this. It is not that I donāt love him, but it feels so toxic and ill-timed. What has been the experience of others?
I dont see where the toxic comes in? Is there more to the relationship?
Sometimes you have to do whatās best for you. And so does he. If you donāt want to go, then donāt. Let him follow his career dreams. Maybe some time apart will show you how you really feel. If you miss him enough you might consider moving. If not youāll be happy with your decision to stay. You both deserve to be happy
Listen to your heart and intuition.
Dont move if the relationship is toxic
I would attempt to make the moveā¦under conditions. Iād tell him after 1 year if you are not happy, u want to move back. Compromise. Sacrifice. Meet in the middle.
I understand where u are coming from as u said ur opinion should be listened to maybe he should of went when u was ready try to talk it out give ur reasons why u want to stay and how it is your home now listen if u are finally at home my friend stay there I have been married 18 yrs separated 4 of it and got with another man being with him 3 yrs it took me the whole 3 yrs to call this home but it is and iwasnt happy with past living arrangements he wouldnt change so we are divorcing but now this man listens to me I explain everything and we figure out a solution maybe its worth a shot but my dear is u are home stay home god bless you.
He will have to go without you dont do something your not happy with just to please someone x
My husband travelled 6 months out of the year for 5 years. I finally had enough after that. But I would never hold him back from his dreams. After he stopped traveling he worked and I stayed at home to be in nursing school fulltime to follow my dreams. Relationships are 50/50 support your partner. If things do not work out in the move or career, I bet he will always remember you supported him. Good luck, you know what is best for your family so dont be so hard in yourself if you just cant do it.
The best advice I can give you is to pray about it. It is all in Godās timing not ours. He will lead you to the best decision. I say this after having moving from my family to another country and being in one country while my husband lived in another. We put it in Godās hands and he did not fail us.
If your husband is in the military you should never expect any place to be permanent until he retires from the military. PCS orders could come down at anytime. That is part of being attached to the military.
Ever heard of the saying beggars canāt be choosers? He wasnāt ready then when you were begging him to be and now that heās ready to youāre not
There is a lot of unanswers here - is he the primary bread winner - has he always kept his word and done a good job at being a husband and care provider? The reasons I ask these questions is because we are to follow our husbands and this maybe Godās calling not only his and this maybe the time that God has chosen for your husband to finally take that leap of faith - at least he has involved you in it and wants what seems to be best for his family but when you bring in the toxic term it does make me wonder if you are āin loveā still with your husband and want what is best for the family. These are not criticisms just wondering on my behalf. I wish you all the luck in the world with whatever decision you make whether to stay or go and God Bless to all concerned.
So when you asked him to do it that was fine but now that heās asking you, heās toxicš wtf
Pull a Melania and refuse to move until he negotiate a better prenup
If you donāt want to go then donāt, but if heās found something that he will be happy doing then you shouldnāt try to hold him back either
After 8 yrs of marriage my husband quit his job and applied for job 1000 miles away. Without talking with me about it. I cried for 2 weeks. I did not want to move and loved my home and church friends. I counseled with my pastors wife and reluctantly decided to go with him. It put me within 50 miles of my parents. I thank God everytime I think about this. We were only there 7 mo. I was able to spend 1 day a week with my parents before they dief. And he was laid off. We moved back where I wanted to be. We used money from sale of our home, opened a business ( very successful). I was advised to go with him on the move. I did not have bibical reason not to. And in Acts 17:26 -28. My father as a result of my life and the way God changed me. Had a desire to study bible and gave his life to Christ. I say Go!!!
It seems that you are caring more about family and friends. One question, will your family and friends be willing to take care of you? When you got married it was for better or worse. You have asked him to step out on faith many times and now that he has you has given up on him. You state that you have never been respected and appreciated throughout your life. Does that mean your husband has never done this? If so by all mean stay put. But you can always stay back and let some other woman take what you have invested 19 years in. I am a military wife. Wherever my husband goes, I go. We have been married for 40 years. Family and friends can always come where you are. Iām not trying to be mean or nasty just giving you somethings to think about.
I too am married to a veteran. We have moved a number of times. I am at a place right now that I love my job. He wants to move again for an actual career. We compromised, I asked him for another year here then we can head wherever he wants to go. I want him happy, as the saying goes if momma aināt happy no ones happy well I believe it goes for daddy too. I want him happy as he wants me. Talk with your husband, maybe there can be a compromise, he can move first to get everything set up first, you go together, or just rethink the whole thing and maybe itās not going to be good at the end. Communication, understanding, and compromise. Good luck to you.
Iām in agreement with some of the others. Go. You were ok with it once, it will be ok now. If it doesnāt work out, you have friends & family to go back to. You never know. Could be the best decision you ever make. Fyi - we just moved. 
I pray you find peace, but my husband makes the majority of the money, so if he gets transferred, or new job somewhere I donāt want to go, he comes first. Mind you two of my kids would be staying behind for college. You need to decide what is best foe you amd your family. I want my husband happy, and As long as he is making more then what he is making here.
I left a job I like going to every day, my friends, my classmates, my bowling, my bowling team to move to a different state to get married to my now husband. My ONLY friend is my husband. I donāt bowl and I have NO friends I hang out with. I love my husband but I get depressed. Best of luck to you!
If you donāt want to go with him youāre saying a whole lot more than āI donāt want to moveā. I wouldnāt want to give up my career, I completely get that. Butā¦ Iām reading in-between what you wrote. You donāt want to be with him. You feel trapped and controlled some by your comment. You should probably file for divorce before he leaves state.
Do you have a career? Will his career be lucrative or is he chasing a dreamā¦stability is a real thing. If his job is worth the cost of living differencesā¦take the leapā¦but known that if you are miserable there are options. If he is chasing wild dreams and things will be financially unstableā¦I might dig in my heels to stay put for a while.
Iām reading all of this when you choose marriage your spouse comes first, which is good advice. Although, what about saying that to him as well? When you choose marriage, your spouse comes first. He needs to consider your feelings as well. You are definitely at a crossroads. If the move will benefit BOTH of you in the long run then a much consideration should be given to make the move with your husband. If it doesnāt benefit you BOTH, then he needs to reconsider. I moved 3 times with my ex husband to grow his career, kids and all! I enjoyed every minute of it and donāt regret any of it, but by the time the kids started school I wanted to move back to my roots which we did. Albeit, it was only 6 years later. You have a lot to talk about with your husband.
I can tell you I moved away from family amd friends for my husbands job and it was the best decision we made.
That is your husband. You should,go were his job is. I know people,who move all the time because that is were their job transferred him. It all ways,seems to work out. It is,hard but if you love him you should do what it best.
You have every right not to want to pack up and move. He didnāt want to go when you did and he cannot expect you to. He is not the head of the household it is 50/50 and he has no more say than you do. Remind him of all the times he didnāt want to go. Let him know you will not allow him to make you miserable. Put yourself 1st.
A.true.husband.would.consult.his.wife.before.making.such.a.life.changing.decision
Iād say go for it. It might be better than you thought. You can always move back.
Who pays majority of the bills? Unless ur at a lifestyle you want and are no longer looking to upgrade your living conditions, I would suggest packing up.
Yes, Liz Hannan has a pretty good point. You got married, thatās supposed to be when 2 ppl become 1. Maybe you should take the leapā¦if you hate it you have family to come back too.
Pray and follow your husband any where he needs to go.
If he is a man of God, he is the head of the house , follow your leaderā¦God first ,husband second . ā¦everything else is next ā¦
God tells you the man is head of household! So I say you should go
You sound happy married!
Let him go, you stay.
Or, suck it up, buttercup.
You cant push someone then back off
When you choose marriage your spouse comes first. What kind of respect will you have in a marriage where you are not willing to sacrifice for his wants and needs? You should go where your husband wants to go especially if it encourages his career growth. If you hold him back from something like that, your marriage may not survive. Your story sounds like you donāt want to simply to spite him for not wanting to previously. Those are the wrong reasons
I think youāve been a team player especially with a military life style at one point in time and you offered him to take a chance and he didnāt take but try one last time and if it doesnāt work you can always move back home. Donāt make your self suffer either though. Try to meet in the middle somehow maybe.
Unless you have a job making way more money than he will in his new job you should move. It could be your last move and you will have the ability to make new friends. You can always make trips back to visit family. Right now with the crazy in this world a job is huge and you need to pack up and go.
If he is unhappy.I his job.I think you should consider it .he needs to be happy.working you can always go back home.
Marriage is being a team player. Donāt you want to see the man youāre married to happy at what he does to take care of the family? You can always visit your family 
but you did promise him āfor better or for worseā.
Or maybe yāall should take some time apart. You stay and he goes and yāall can visit each other while getting some perspective on what yāall really want to do as a couple/ with your marriage
Best of luck to yaāll 
It sounds like youāre not being respected in your relationship to begin with. Iād sit down and think very hard about if you are getting what you need from him.
Especially if heās been trying to keep you from your support structure. That sounds to me like a major red flag for potential abuse.
If you arenāt happy, and you donāt want to leave the area, and you donāt think itāll be fixed by the move and new job, Iād honestly leave. Like, LEAVE leave.
I moved south with y husband 60 years ago it worked out with us best move server made.
I might have the unpopular opinion on this but I feel that marriage is always a give and take. Sacrifices are part of marriage. You never know where this choice to support him could take you both. For me I did not want to follow my husband across the country to another state away from my family but I went and I look back now and I am so glad I went. I canāt even count the blessings I have now and now I live close to my family again.
If heās trying to keep you from your friends and family currently, definitely donāt move with him. Social isolation followed by moving you away from everything you know is a huge red flag for escalating abuse.
Home is with your love. If you love where you are or people around you more than your partner wellā¦ in my opinion you donāt love him enough. So choose a different path.
Iām getting the feeling your not truly happy in your marriage. If this is the case moving away from family and friends would be a big mistake. Itās okay to be selfish when it comes to your own happiness.
Sit down and talk about what your feelings. Donāt ignore your relationship. But if have been through all of this from day on3 then your an expert on picking up moving on and moving forward, whether you want to or not. So find out whatās going on then make a better decision from there. Or you might be filing for divorce.
What I see is āhe is extremely unhappy in his jobā and that you ābegged and pleaded with him to take the bleak of faith and moveā, and then a whole lot of ābut Iā. Girl, move with that man!