My husband was going to buy a gun without my consent: Advice?

I found out my SO was going to purchase a gun without talking to me about it. I’m so upset I feel like this was the breaking point for me. He never listens to me, never cares what I have to say. I told him I don’t want a gun near my house and he said he “won’t” and that he’s still going to purchase it. Am I overreacting? Because he makes me feel like I am and I am tired of not having my self heard.

120 Likes

You scared of guns, or what?

1 Like

Everyone who wants protection needs a gun

8 Likes

Unless you think he’s a threat, why on earth would this bother you? I conceal carry. I will never be a victim again :kissing_heart:

13 Likes

I’m pro gun. It is necessary in this time to have protection.
Also if it doesn’t interfere with the bills then :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3: it would annoy me but that wouldn’t be make it or break it. Just as if you bought a purse or dildo or something he didn’t think you needed. He shouldn’t act like a baby about it

5 Likes

We’re in the same boat. We live with the inlaws and they dont want a gun in their house. My husbands friend bought a gun for him even when I said no. Now he has to give his friend back that money when we can’t afford it and will soon have a new car due to other reasons. Then he buys ammo which could either be in our savings or food for my kids mouth or diapers…he never listens to me about finances either. And everytime I vent to the inlaws they think raising our rent will help. Like no…that will just make matters 100% more worse

Sounds like he did talk to you and then decided to do it anyway. Buying a gun and not making other adults aware isn’t exactly responsible when their are kids in the house.

3 Likes

I don’t see the problem (unless you feel threatened) as long as it’s kept in a safe place where children can’t get to it

2 Likes

What’s your reasoning for not wanting a gun? What’s his reasoning for wanting one? Do you discuss everything you buy jointly or just items of a certain amount? Has he had adequate practice and training with firearms to use and store them safely? If he doesn’t have the training would you feel better if you went together to practice so you’re not uncomfortable?

3 Likes

Everybody isn’t comfortable with a gun in their house and that is her personal feelings and she isn’t wrong for that. As a married couple there should be a middle ground to keep you both happy and things that affect the entire household should definitely be discussed and agreed upon.

52 Likes

I bought a gun and didn’t ask my husband. I have a biometric gun box under my bed but I also have a conceal carry permit. Yes I think you are over reacting. You should request a gun safe or lock box.

21 Likes

I feel like your overreacting :woman_shrugging:

7 Likes

Guys :heart: guns :woman_shrugging:. I dont see a problem if he’s a responsible gun owner…

5 Likes

Yea big time overreacting

4 Likes

“My house”? Doesn’t live there to and pay the bills.

9 Likes

Sean Braniff these comments r mental :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Let your hubs get a gun. Good lawwwwwd.

5 Likes

Yes you’re overreacting. Is there a reason you don’t want one?

2 Likes

Personally he is a grown adult and can purchase what he pleases without your permission. If he wants a gun and keeps it safely out of the reach of any children then there is no issue.

8 Likes

It seems like your unwillingness to be open minded and having a discussion with him about it. if you are unwilling to compromise or come to a mutual understanding , why would he come and talk to you about this ?

6 Likes

Is he a loose cannon, is he emotional with a drinking problem, how about suicidal ? Otherwise, ya, you’re overreacting, the guns not going to jump out of the safe and pull the trigger by itself… but you can if you ever need to.

5 Likes

Definitely not overreacting. If my husband did that knowing how I felt about it there would be hell to pay.

9 Likes

My? Is it not his house too?

5 Likes

You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are valid and guns aren’t cheap. A spendy purchase no matter what it is should be discussed
Compromise. Have him keep it in pieces in a safe if he HAS to have it. My hubs did that without even a discussion. I’m not a gun person but my dad had a few so it didn’t bother me as long as he was responsible with it

3 Likes

If you have kids your worried about show them the Eddie the Eagle video, my kids are teenagers and still sing that song lol

He’s a grown adult. He doesn’t need your permission to make purchases for himself especially if it’s something to protect his family. As a married man, he should have told you ahead of time. But he doesn’t need you to tell him he’s allowed to make the purchase. He can keep it in a gun safe and you would never even notice it was in the house until he used it to protect you from a home invasion. Then you’d be grateful it’s there. I may be playing the devils advocate here, but better to be safe than sorry.

18 Likes

As long as it has a safety lock or in a lock box you shouldn’t worry.

1 Like

Did you hrar his opinion on why he wanted one? Or just said no and expect him to do as you want?

The way you Word this post you sound as if whst you say is how it should be in “my house”

6 Likes

Is this about the gun or about his not listening to you? They are 2 separate issues. If you have strong views about it you should talk and see his side too. Then talk. If you have communication issues then a therapist could help you both feel heard and validated. You both are in this relationship.

2 Likes

If he stores it properly and knows how to actually use it if he needs too. I dont see the problem with the gun. What I do see a problem with is a large purchase being made without discussing it first. My husband and I can spend about 150 bucks without consulting the other. Anything past that and we make sure it fits in budget and that its a good decision. Its just disrespectful to your spouse to not include them on large purchases. However, guns have there place ( lots of places in my house) I fully believe they are a good investment. Learn to use it. Its the best stress relief.

3 Likes

What do you have against guns?

Let him buy the gun!

The only thing I’d be upset about is the amount of money he was going to drop without talking to me first lol. Big purchases (over $100) are a ALWAYS discussed first in my home.

2 Likes

Quite whining and educate yourself about firearms and firearm safety

4 Likes

As someone who’s husband went out and bought a gun behind my back without even mentioning it, YES you have every right to be upset. It doesn’t matter where you sit with the “pro guns” or “no guns” and has everything to do with him not talking to you about it. You are partners and making a purchase like that affects both of you.

3 Likes

Take some lessons for yourself learn to feel comfortable handling a firearm, teach your children how to handle them safely.
You might like it more than you think.
I work at a gun store, it’s more addicting than tattoos

6 Likes

Personally I don’t see the big deal :woman_shrugging: like I’ve told my man, as long as Bill’s are paid, there’s food on the table, and our kids are taken care of, if he buys a gun it’s his choice. He has a few in the closet. Probably 7? You are overreacting, but then again I have an easy going understanding relationship :woman_shrugging:

9 Likes

Society as we know it is changing. Before you toss out marriage turn on the news. You will need protection. You still might want to toss the marriage but keep the gun. Best of luck.

5 Likes

In my opinion, the world we live in now, we all need a gun.

5 Likes

I understand that everyone may not be into guns. But I suggest you educate yourself in using one and self defense. It’s important to teach your children how to defend themselves from all attacks. Not dealing with something doesn’t change the world around us

1 Like

You sound like a little kid throwing a fit… Lol if I left my husband every time he did something I told him not to do I would be single the rest of my life. Marriage is about compromising.

5 Likes

This sounds an all around toxic relationship and yikes :flushed: red flags. Im just gonna assume the gun isn’t the issue your communication and willingness to compromise with him on this is due to previous fights and carry over grudges from such. You can’t carry weights in a relationship especially one thats clearly not healthy anyways

4 Likes

I’m sorry he’s an adult he doesn’t need permission.He should however discuss gun safety etc Like locked up bullets separate place from gun etc if children are around.

5 Likes

Your issue isn’t the gun, it’s your entire relationship by the sounds of it :woman_shrugging:t2: you can’t tell another adult they can’t do something bc they didn’t run it by you first :woman_facepalming:t2: you ain’t his mom

Ok so him buying a gun is no big deal and imho nothing wrong with it and in fact good to have. That said you have every right to be upset if he never listens to you or takes you into consideration, but this seems a bit overreacting imho.

Definitely overreacting…he obviously wasn’t going to buy it secretly or you wouldn’t know about it at all and he’s an adult that doesn’t need your consent to buy one

1 Like

I would be really upset especially if I didn’t get a new gun too :wink: we are a hunting family so guns are a common thing in this house… I had very different views with my ex and my horses… well I suppose that’s why he is my ex :laughing:

1 Like

You’ve already stated you told him you dont want a gun near your house, So even if he would have asked you you would have said no, He did the right thing totally ignoring you and not even discussing it, Its better to ask forgiveness than permission in this case, GROW UP

Honestly my husband would tell me he is grown man and he would go by the gun anyways to protect his family. Honestly pick your battles. Is fighting over a gun worth your time? that would be like him telling you you couldn’t go do your hair appointment or something. He did discuss it with you even though you don’t agree I get that. I don’t like guns either but my dad has one to kill all the snakes in the yard and everything like that when it comes to stuff like that yeah you need a gun or somebody breaking into your home you need a gun. Anyways I think you should learn to pick your battles lol

I personally feel safer knowing that we have several guns, but it’s definitely something that needs to be agreed upon before being purchased.

3 Likes

Everyone is so focused on guns that they are missing where her husband ignored her feelings and wishes and did something any way. That’s not a healtht marriage. Shes not over reacting. He was disrespectful. Small minds are only seeing the small picture.

11 Likes

He should buy a safe along with it ,he has a right to have a gun and so do you . If you dont want to exercise your right that’s a personal decision just as is his to have a gun .

Woof no - I’m with you. My husband and I have had many arguments and discussions about him not putting a gun in our house with our kids. I have a history of anxiety, depression, and self harm/attempts. I can’t have a gun in the house for my well-being.

He claimed I was uneducated about it, so I went against every fiber of my being and every moral I stand with, and went to the shooting range with him, and shot one single time. That was our ultimate compromise.

Until further notice we’ve agreed no guns in the house. I’m sorry yours won’t listen to you and won’t have the conversation with you at all.

I get it, and you can message me if you want to talk more.

2 Likes

There needs to be communication and compromise between both
Maybe him buying the gun, but also a gun safe/ lock and ammo always separate from gun

1 Like

Well, he is an adult and wants a gun. What if you wanted something and he said no? Would you just say ok? Maybe compromise, hv him buy a safe with a lock if it’s safety your worried about. Talk about it with him.

4 Likes

Let’s forget the weapon issue, and focus more on the fact that you call him your husband but refer to everything as yours? Your home, your consent, your side. It sounds as if you want everything your way and he’s trying to have at least one thing that he can call his own. He’s a grown man, and I’m sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but grown men aren’t childish boyfriend’s. Give him back his balls an quit trying to control him. Or end the marriage and find someone who is okay with being told what to do.

Pick your battles wisely and let him buy the gun. If the purchase of a firearm is your breaking point then you probably have bigger issues to deal with.

6 Likes

He actually has a constitutional right to have a gun. Pick your battles, this one isnt worth arguing over.

7 Likes

Unless you have safety concerns about how your husband can handle the gun, he should be allowed the freedom to purchase a firearm. Guns are not evil im so sick of that type of thinking. I can’t blame my spoon for having a bit extra BMI now can I?
I do agree a coversion on the topic should have taken place. But- why does a grown man HAVE to listen to you? Sometimes that can be a give and take in relationships, you both should learn to listen to each other and compromise when need, but it sounds like when u say he nvr listens to you you just trying to be bossy. If it is a give and take- why are you with someone who don’t respect you? Bc that’s what it comes to.

3 Likes

Omg i would rather have s gun in my house then being shot or robbed so glad I dont act like this

3 Likes

Yes you’re over reacting. Good grief.

As long as he purchases a gun safe to keep it out of the wrong hands I see no reason why he should not be allowed to purchase a gun. He’s a grown adult and it is his house too assuming he lives there. You don’t have to touch it or know it exists but at least he will have a means of protecting his family if you are ever in a position needing protection. He should have had the discussion with you yes (and he’s wrong for not) but it seems from your post you weren’t willing to discuss, it’s your way or nothing and that’s not how relationships work either.

4 Likes

Agree. But. Things are different now than 12 months ago. Better to be prepared now on 2020

I feel like there needs to be compromise.

I have 2 toddlers and we own guns. Safely. The bigger guns are all locked away in a safe. Our other handguns have finger print trigger locks and they’re kept up and away from the kids. They’re 2 and 3 and KNOW they are NOT allowed to touch our guns. I remind them every single day about my rules.

I personally feel safer having guns in our home. Especially because my husband travels for work and I’m alone a lot. I’m also in AZ and I legally carry. No one bothers me :woman_shrugging:

Most people are against them because they are uneducated about them. So, compromise. If he wants to own a gun he must do so safely and for your benefit, you should educate yourself about them so you can be comfortable with one.

15 Likes

Some of these comments are so shitty.

What is your reason for not wanting a gun in your home? I grew up with guns in my home and so have my children and even my grandson at 3 years old has been taught about gun safety, so I am curious as to why you are so not wanting a gun in your home?

1 Like

As an English reader here I think these comments about letting him get a gun are mental! You dont just buy a gun in England and 99.9% of the neighbour’s dont have one, I really dont understand why Americans need one to feel safe. I’m with the OP no gun. Is your country that awful that you need to be able to lay your hand on something so powerful and able to kill someone, this is how kids end up with guns in schools and stuff!

4 Likes

Tell him to get a safe and lock. And teach everyone firearm safety…

I personally feel it is a subject to be discussed by BOTH parties. It is a weapon that could easily be turned against either of you in a situation gone bad. Unfortunately I live in South Africa and it is a necessity to own a weapon to protect yourself and your family. We don’t own a gun because the demand has risin so much, so have the prices and we just can’t afford one, so we live in constant fear :scream:

2 Likes

Honestly I don’t like guns, but I would never stop my significant other from owning one, the rule would be a proper gun safe, or cabinet and a trigger lock with the bullets stored away from the gun. You need to sit down with your husband and discuss your fears so he understands them, and he needs to discuss with you why he wants to own one. I also suggest taking shooting lessons and gun safety courses together, so you can better understand guns and feel safer around them.

You better load up lady lock it up keep your kids safe from it .Youre responsibly .How ever Biden wins trust me you are going to need one
Stock up on bulletd you will need them.

2 Likes

Most people don’t want a gun until they need one. Hopefully people don’t land in those situations… but hope also doesn’t stop a criminal. If safety is an issue suggest a safety course and storage you’re comfortable with.

that is a joint descision !!

1 Like

Honestly if your not comfortable with it please speak up n put your foot down about maybe even a compromise.

I have had my other half buy several guns n things n as long as he’s paying for them not me idc. But they are not everyone’s cup of tea in the same.

I feel safer having the guns n the dog especially with me working from home now. But being able to shoot straight is a different story cuz u rarely go fire them

What if you took a gun course together ? Safety, use of , laws , etc. I understand some people don’t feel safe, why do you need it? We don’t allow them etc etc . There are a lot of bad things going and safety is important BUT if you don’t know what your doing , it’s pointless. This might give you both a common ground where it isn’t “ my way or the highway”.

Wow. So if your house got broken into. How would you protect your family. Let me guess… let them kill you… we have guns. Guess what else we have A GUN SAFE… a gun should be in every ones home… for PROTECTION…

4 Likes

The way this world is going, it’s a good investment.

1 Like

" I told him I don’t want a gun near MY house" sooooo is it not your husbands house too? IIIIIIIIII…MY MY MY MY MY…pretty sure he hears you a LOT… all about you…a lot.

1 Like

Well… On the one hand it is his right to own guns if he wants. But I understand if they make you uncomfortable. I felt that way to when my husband and I first got together. he and I bought a safe for them so they and us are safe. Then I realized that guns were a hobby that is important to him so I decided to take interest. He taught me some gun safety and took me shooting and I fell in love with the sport. He got me my first gun last Christmas. The moral of my story is if you hate them but he loves them come to a compromise. Also I found that alot of my fear of guns came from not being educated about how they work and such. Maybe it will turn out to be a similar situation for you.

1 Like

Well then make sure you listen to you.
Set a boundary and have the self respect to stick to it. Because when you are ignored, it is devaluing, it isnt respect and it isnt love to not be listened to what it means is “your opinion, what you say, what you feel matters that little to me”. So decide what you will put up with now, and what will be the course of action if it is not kept. This is just healthy. Value yourself. Listen ti yourself. Feeling not listened to is legitimate and needs to be addressed. Marriages end because only so much a person will take feeling discarded and invalidated. Resentment will set in.
Of course you could play sniper elite heaps, and start going to the shooting range and learn to love guns.
Also, try not to be a dictator.
I told my ex i hated alcohol because my dad was alcoholic and i didnt like it. Found a wine bottle under the bed. I took the car got a rental car and left. But there were other problems too. Like a million times a broken promise and it was abuse and silent treatment. Guy is narcassistic, immature and has a sadistic streak but it was toxic both ways. But maybe alcohol isnt bad if you drink it like a normal person, not hide it under the bed because a immature boy goes oh she hates it so i just gotta do it now. I was fine with social and responsible drinking but putting the no i will not live that again he decided to say a big fk u carmen with action.
Actions speak loudly.
Maybe he only wants a gun because he is that boy. Is it a fk you?. Or does he have cimmunicatio issues? You need to puzzle this all out so have a good think through.
You could buy him a gun vault and maybe your whatever will make him lose interest. Or you gaining an interest may make it no longer cool. Sounds like a boy youre dealing with. If youre not being respected valued or listened to, start giving yourself these things.

1 Like

I helped my husband pick out a safe to hold our guns.

1 Like

Girl. With how times are right now. Have him buy two🥴

6 Likes

The way things are going today it is better to have a gun not need it and need a gun and not have it if your life is in danger every minute counts and the cops can’t help you when that second counts

4 Likes

He should have offered to buy you I’ve too.

1 Like

Sounds like you have a one way marriage meaning it’s your way or no way I really don’t blame him for going behind your back and trying to get it, sounds like that’s the only way he can do anything without being micro managed by you

4 Likes

Firm believer, 100%, that if every family had a gun safely stored in their home, homicides, rapes, and robberies would actually go down! Would you, a criminal, break into a home knowing you could be staring down the barrel of a 12 gauge? I sure as hell wouldn’t. I keep my AR unloaded next to the bed. The mag is in my locked bedside drawer. The kids could play with that thing all day long and not a thing would happen without that mag in. Teach your children proper gun safety. They know what it is, they know what it does, and they know not to touch it. They know what could happen if they do and they respect it. Of course as they get older, adjust your storage/security preferences, but ultimately, your children should be educated enough that you trust them. Especially if one day, they’re home alone and someone breaks in? My kid is going to learn that a bullet is a hell of a lot faster than calling 911.

6 Likes

So glad this isn’t a issue in England ! I would be fuming

6 Likes

Lmao we would be divorced .

3 Likes

No not over reacting at all.why would anyone want or need a gun in their house.absolutely crazy
No no no

4 Likes

Don’t ask don’t tell.

1 Like

I’m a firm believer in having firearms. If your willing to throw away your marriage over a gun then quit frankly I don’t think you have that solid if a marriage. I totally get people being uncomfortable with them I kinda was at first but after going to a rang and learning how to use them I’m not. Its better to have and not need then to need and not have. Talk to him come up with a middle ground. Get a safe what have you but throwing away a marriage over this just doesn’t seem right.

2 Likes

Husband doesn’t want to be anyone’s victim or his family he’s doing his job.

3 Likes

I don’t think you’re over reacting if you aren’t comfortable with a gun in the home. I can understand especially if you have kids or there’s been any domestic violence. A gun in the home doesn’t always make it safer.

1 Like

what seems to need to happen here is that you need to be taken to a woman’s day at a gun range. Mini gun ranges hold these days to educate frightened women about guns. Most of these classes are taught by women who were formally afraid of the weapons. Distress gun safety responsible gun owner ship among other things. Before you divorce your husband maybe you guys can make a day of this and then at the end of it if you’re still afraid then set your rules tell him he can purchase a gun and if it’s put in a safe place inside of a safe and nobody but you to know about it then maybe some sort of an agreement can be reached. If this weapon is not going to be purchased for home defense then maybe he can purchase it and put it in the gun safe and keep it at a climate controlled storage facility away from the house. These are just some options you guys can look at rather than trashing your marriage over a gun

5 Likes

additionally I would seek out marriage counseling because right now there’s sounds like there’s more problems than just this gun in your relationship it sounds like you feel like you have no ownership or partnership within your relationship and that’s terrible. If you love your husband then I would tell him how you feel not just about the gun but overall.

2 Likes

It’s not even really about him buying the gun. Its the disrespect that he seems to have no issue doing to you!
He def should have talked to you about it and explained why he feels that it’s important to get one.
It just honestly sounds like y’all need to be more vocal and honest with one another. And if you can’t then your marriage isn’t ever going to work.
Plz trust I learned this the hard way.

2 Likes

Wait a minute. Husbands have to get consent, before spending their own money ?!?!

4 Likes

Ok so I see her point. But somethings you really need to pick and choose what to get upset about. Typically in our house we talk about bigger purchases. Has there been times an impulse buy has happened? Yes it has. A gun actually. We were at the gun shop and it just happened. was I slap happy about it? Meh no, but it made my husband happy and he busts his ass daily, so I let it ride.

Lmao… im sorry but your breaking point… is a gun??? To protect his family. 🥸
Thats one of the smartest things he could do.
Which you really shouldn’t be too concerned, ammo is scarce as hell right now.
Really think about why he wants it and why you’re mad.
I think its foolish and petty.
They have to take a test, and as long as he respects gun safety properly you should feel safer.
The world is crazy, and its better to be prepared.
It only takes 1 break in.
We sleep with 2 guns. My 6 year also knows gun safety to the T.

Also. He does not need your consent to buy a gun. That sounds super controlling.

People kill people. Not guns.

5 Likes

I have about 12 guns in my house. We live in the south & are a 2nd amendment believing family. I have a toddler & pregnant with my 2nd. Both of our children will be taught gun safety. Our guns are locked in a safe. This world is very scary right now. Times are uncertain. Better to be safe than sorry. :woman_shrugging:t3:

11 Likes