My husband went out and ignored me but "read" my messages: Advice?

My husband, the common law, had work training. They had an itinerary & ended up staying out drinking since they’re in the beer business; they also went to a bar. It was male & females. I kept texting him & calling him, but he would “read” my texts or not answer my call. Finally, I got a hold of him at 3 in the morning. He said the people took my phone & kept passing his phone around. That they were also good ppl, these ppl were reading all the things I was texting him & were trying to text me from his phone. He has a lock on his phone, but these males & females were in his phone. Obviously, they had NO business reading the things I was texting. Especially since it’s our problems & not theirs, he hasn’t apologized & sees no issue with what he did. Am I wrong to be upset? Cus good ppl wouldn’t read our texts & would keep his phone fr him. Mind you; he only knew one person there. The rest were from out of town. I have issues trusting him since he has lied to me before.

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Sounds like there is a huge trust issue here. The issue seems to not be the reading or not reading of the messsages…it seems to be deeper. If you can’t trust him, I would deal with that because if that is the case, everything he does will just turn into a fight, whether it’s small or not.

The reason his phone was being passed around is because he has shared your issues with them and they were all making a joke out of it. I’ve seen this actually happen to people and that’s because he complained about you out loud to either one or more of the people and they all made a joke about it.

My advice. Ignore him. Completely. Totally and utterly ignore him. Aside from speaking to him when you need to or when he needs to about the basic necessities, ie bring milk home. What’s happening about the rent? Are we going to your mother’s this Sunday? - aside from that. Completely ignore him. And if u can, make ur own plans. If you have children, try make some plans with family or friends. Arrange sleep overs etc. Just be away from him as much as possible. And do not message him when he isn’t home or is late. I know its hard. But keep it going for as long as u can 3 to 6 months. If he brings it up… ie ur ignoring me. Ie ur always out. Ie what’s your problem? - then tell him when he is ready to sit and discuss this relationship properly. You can arrange a date and time to do so. But considering he has done nothing but take the piss, make an idiot out of you and outright disrespect you… you have started to feel you no longer have the time for him.

And if he dosnt bring it up and he is happy being left to his devices. Then you tell him that you need to arrange a date and time to talk as you want to discuss parting ways. Because if he dsont care about you being silent and absent then he just dosnt care and you need to start thinking about yourself. Because all this will do is eat you alive inside.

But this is just my advice.

IF people had his phone, these “gOoD” people would have suggested he call his wife, but that didn’t happen because this is a completely made up scenerio and he likely wanted to appear single, I’d say leave honey, he might even be cheating

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband went out and ignored me but "read" my messages: Advice?

Am i psychic or are the same messages coming up? :see_no_evil:

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I probably wouldn’t answer you either. You are mad people were reading your stuff… when the problem is you losing your mind and blowing up his phone.

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As the spouse who has to go out of town I say this if he talked to you before he went out, leave him alone after geez

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Talk to her m. You need communication and maybe talk about boundaries and more

I never blow my husband up while he’s out. I just send him meme :rofl:
If I really want him home early, I just him sexy emojis

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He probably was sick of you constantly calling and messaging so he ignored you. Stop suffocating him when he’s out. His friends probably saw his frustration and played a game with his phone. Everyone was drinking who wants to listen to nagging and fighting when you’re trying to have a good time.

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First your common law man completely disrespected you allowing people to read your texts. I guess ur buying his story but I would say he just didn’t want to talk to u so he used this as an excuse. What grown ass man let’s people take his phone and play monkey in the middle with it?! And what grown ass people do stuff like that?! It’s immature on all parts including yours. But it also sounds like u were blowing him up and y’all are having issues. I may have ignored you too. He’s a liar and seems like this was just another lie. If not ur man and his friends are super immature.

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Wth… same question again? Why not you ask urself again?!

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I’m single but if any partner of mine kept txting or ringing whilst I’m out then I’d silence my phone x

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If is out to enjoy time with his friends… if was not a emergency, I would be calling or/and texting him…

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If my husband intentionally ignored me I’d be upset too. He could take a second to say I’m out with friends can we discuss this tomorrow no need to outright ignore

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Wow. I’d be very upset if I were you.

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LMAO thats a good one :+1: the people took my phone Lol no his phone was sitting on a side table in a motel til 3am Ahahaha :joy::rofl::grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes::laughing:

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Same exact post from earlier twice

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Phones are nothing but trouble in modern times. Everybody expects immediate attention. Let it go.

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I think i would have been pissed off as well because i know for fact if i didn’t anwear when my husband called or text me he would be pissed at me that would end up having me keep texting and calling now if he replay back said hey babe we I’m middle of talking and i would have been okay just let me know when your free simple

Let him live a little, just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you control them. If my husband was out I would trust him. I might ask what time he would be done just to say goodnight or whatever but :woman_shrugging:t3: I’ve learned relationships are healthier when there is trust.

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I thought I saw a similar post an hour ago🤦

He was out. Let him be, shit. I’d ignore nagging too…

Well I guess if you believe him, that’d be your first mistake! Secondly he is a lieing POS

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Did you not like the 149 comments from your first post?

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Why are you even on social media talking about your personal life.

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Join the narcissist support group :heart:

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Why were you needing to get a hold of him ? Was there an emergency?

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That man was reading your messages and ignoring you…he wanted to have fun and be left alone

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U know the answer already

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WOW, I do wonder how many times you really texted him???, I would probably ignore someone who continuously text me non stop, That is a little obsessive, I would understand if there was a emergency, but there wasn’t. Just how would you like it if you were out with friends or family & he continuously texted you non stop, ??

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If he called u like that and u were out u wouldn’t like it he’s grown and men need breaks too. U shouldn’t have called him a lil text saying goodnight and u miss him is OK no reply needed either. U made Urself look crazy to his colleagues js

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Says it’s there problems not anyone else’s and then post there problems on social media :joy:

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Probably because you were embarrassing him calling every 2 seconds.
They wouldnt have done that if you called once or texted once.

You should apologise to him.
Imagine how he felt being laughed at

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You do realize it’s ok to “allow” your SO to go out and have a good time without you blowing them up right? If you don’t have trust, there shouldn’t be a relationship period.

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There isn’t enough info here. What were you texting him about? How many times did you text him? Did he say he was going to be home at a certain time? You sound insecure and wanted answers he didn’t want to deal with while he was out having a good time with a work group. He was reading them, not other people and he didn’t want the drama while he was out so he ignored you. :woman_shrugging:

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I would do the same as well if my phone was getting blown up. As long as the person knows what I’m doing then there is no need to be sending text message after text message or calling every 2 seconds. It gets annoying. I been in this situation before. It drove me crazy to the point I was over the relationship and told him to leave me alone and never text me again. I blocked that person afterwards. Sounds like someone is little controlling. If it’s not emergency let him be and let him do his thing. It’s okay to let them go out and have fun once in awhile in some kind of peace.

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Release him as you will never trust him and I guy should be able to go out without his phone bring blown up. Without trust w
Your relationship will not succeed, trust is the foundation to a solid marriage or relationship, without it you are not giving your partner a chance. Be respectful of him and I’m sure he would of you…

So ppl out town knows he his code but u don’t!! Some thing not right!! U need think long and hard if u would keep going on with relationships the way it is or break up if someone who respect u and ur feels especially since he think he did nothing wrong so he definitely do again and again u will probably feel this way again

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Was it an emergency? Why the need to blow up his phone?

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Since he has a lock on his phone the rest is a lie from him. He would turn his attitude around if you act like none of it bothers you (no phone calls no texts while he’s out etc). Unfortunately, maybe reverse physiology may help you gain him back to treating you like you deserve. Good luck!

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Do you know how I long for my husband to “have a guys night out”???

& If he does, He texts me asking if I’m mad that he’s out :rofl::rofl::rofl: I tell him no stay longer. :laughing::laughing::laughing:

Grow up girl. Just because you are in a relationship does not give you the right to treat someone like that. He told you where he was, what he was doing & with who.

Sounds like it was work related, & a time out with co-workers, in which you embarrassed the crap out of him.

Personally, you need to find a hobby, go out with your kids, call some friends over & for the love of this man, give him some time to miss you, not show him why he should go out more often…

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You were probably embarrassing him. Insecurities and marriage don’t work. Perhaps you should show some restraint and let him call you when he is at a true work function. At some point, I would have ignored you as well.

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Umm he has lied in the past. That should say it all. But dont be so controlling. Alot of times that crap pushes guys to be so shady. If u love him then trust him. If you think he’s cheating loose him. Period. I dont understand why people feel the need to keep track 100% of the time. U knew what he was doing and where he was at. Sounds to me like you dont trust him and are keeping tabs. If it was a mutual relationship he would care enough about you to keep you informed, but u also do not need to be clingy and a nag. Space is good for a good relationship.

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If you have issues trusting him you need to let him go, you’re draining him… :woman_facepalming:t3:

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Honestly, I would expect the same out of my husband if I treated him like a dog on a leash, which is how you’re treating your man. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and I can honestly say that I would never be so disrespectful to him like this. He should be not only allowed but encouraged to go out with friends and coworkers. It’s healthy. Reevaluate your ways and if you can’t or won’t change then he should run because men deserve better.

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The last sentence answered your question

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Sounds like my ex husbands gf :joy: anywho… I believe passing his phone around is an excuse why he didn’t answer… Only reason I would message my husband is if he needed a ride home from the bar and to make sure he was ok… I fully trust my husband!

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Firstly I wonder if his lying lol & secondly why didn’t he snatch his phone back & tell them to piss off, nah what a dick head, learn not to let it bother U, no one is worth that aggony & definitely don’t listen to half the sad women putting U down for this post, it doesn’t matter if he was out with His friends or not, if he loves & respects U,he could have acknowledged you at least.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband went out and ignored me but "read" my messages: Advice?

So did he not answer but others answered text messages? He just didn’t wanna have the night ruined those are all just excuses. What’s the question again?

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I think you and your husband need to see a therapist. There is a lot of trust issues from both sides.

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Personally I’d leave if I couldn’t trust someone. After getting out of a relationship where I was always wondering what they were doing, I could never go back to feeling that way. You won’t ever be completely happy if you don’t fully trust them.

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Sound immature af. Get you a grown up.

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You really believe that🙄

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I hate to say it but if there was a lock on it amd he only knew one person there chances are he’s lying to you. Why would he willing unlock his phone for people he doesn’t know. Hes just trying to cover his ass and save himself from a fight. If he’s lied to you once he has no problem lying again unfortunately.

I firmly believe if he lied to you once he will do it again

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No one else had his phone. :roll_eyes:

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I dunno, my man answers the phone. Even if he’s under the car or truck working on it. Sounds suspicious. Try counseling

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That’s bullshit. An adult wouldn’t steal somebody’s phone like that. Nor would an adult be ok with it happening to them. He’s lying. He was probably in a hotel room with another woman. Get rid of him.

You knew where he was, who he was with and continued to blow his phone up. This one’s on you. To me this sounds like he is just really sick of this situation always happening.

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Shit cant a guy have a night out without nagging.

I once experienced the same thing. He ignored the calls while partying and had the guts to text me so that I can open the gate for him. He didn’t want you to ruin his night he didn’t give a shit, toxic or narcissists roll like that. Mine said the phone was with other people listening to music on YouTube.

Do you have trust issues?
You knew where he was… and yet you blew up his phone?
It wouldn’t surprise me if he just clicked the message and didn’t respond due to the probably crazy and irate messages you were sending.
And you literally stayed up until 3am continuously trying to get ahold of him.
He didn’t want to answer infront of people because he was probably embarrassed and mortified at what you would say and especially that once he got you on the phone that he’d never get you off the phone while still out.
Grow up. Hes a grown man.
You need to seek real help, not Facebook, because you need to find the inner issue as to why you’re like this!

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Jaysus, he was out, leave the man alone
Why would you keep ringing and texting him
If he done that to you how would you feel

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His response makes no sense. He is probably lying. He was purposely ignoring you.

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If you wanna put something on a leash get a dog, meanwhile nobody else had his phone and he exhibited “pre-dump” behavior, you need to unattach from him and start looking after yourself, dont accept disrespect

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Hun that sounds like a lack of respect and is a huge red flag. I hope things work out for you.

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Not cool. He is lying… You already know what to do.

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There are soooo many red flags on both sides! Geez, yuck :woman_facepalming:

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Wow. You deserve better

I mean if he didn’t respond to the first text and left it on read I understand wanting at least some type of response. I wouldn’t of blown up his phone but I would of messaged a few times till I gave up. Though I would be worried why they had time to read but not respond to my messages and I don’t believe that anyone had his phone. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I swear these pp keep in getting worse. He was at work and then went out for drinks, what’s the problem? Why was you constantly phoning and texting him? I’d read your texts and ignore you as well!

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My husband and I have a rule when one of us goes out. No texts or calls unless it’s an emergency or the one who’s at home is going to bed (we send goodnight love you texts) it works both ways for us and we both understand the need for our seperate friendships. Sounds like you have some trust issues from him lying in the past but maybe you should seek counselling to help your relationship

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was definitely ignoring you on purpose. just leave.

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He’s lying and you are micromanaging and not trusting him. Ditch that guy and start over.

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Something smells bullshit around him. Since you have trust issues, um why you are still here with him? Sounds like he’s not changed??? I’m so sorry but he read ur texts, obviously he didn’t want to talk with you or check up on you. Sounds like he’s HIDING something from you! He wanted to have fun by himself :roll_eyes:

If you don’t trust him then you should leave him because it sounds like you’re wasting your energy and he doesn’t care about your relationship or your boundaries

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Don’t put your problems in text messages. Hes at work. Wait til he gets home. . . If it bothers u that much then go work out for a bit to get the frustration out and figure it out when he returns.

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That is so inconsiderate and rude. He has zero respect. Who lets their co workers take their phone? Uncalled for I would def set a boundary regarding this and it sounds like he’s done this before.

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He’s not even acting like a husband. Isn’t acting like a loving partner. Isn’t even acting like a good teammate. Throwing you under the bus and letting people mingle in your marriage? That’s … Weird. A huge red flag. He should be worried about what you think and feel wayyyyy above and beyond and more than anyone else especially his peers or work friends. Eew no. Why? Why be married?

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Don’t most bars close around 1am?

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Never ever evvvvvvvvver beg your partner to put you first. It should never even come to that.

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He probably read the texts making sure it wasnt an emergency. Since it wasnt, he carried on with his destress time. Everyone needs time to “shut off” home life, and you were wreaking his mood. If he let you know he was going out for a few drinks with his buddies and would let you know when he was back safe, that should have been enough for you to be content.

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he’s obviously cheating so you should get a lawyer and pursue divorce

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I don’t understand why people keep texting and calling their husbands out with friends or coworkers. It’s like dude just take time and have that for yourself, go out with friends, watch movie, take good sleep…. If you’re with him then obviously you trust him if you don’t trust don’t wast your time with him

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Leave that man alone to have a night out. It’s work buddies. He told you where he was going. They probably took his phone because it’s annoying to be out with someone and they are glued to their phone.

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Sounds like you both have some issues you both need to work on.

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He was doing more than business.A married man don’t stay out past midnight chasing a dollar.My guess is theirs problems at home and not alot of fun involved.Dump him,start over…

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Seems like a lot of childish adults are on this page

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I had this issue with my ex. Would go out all night and literally IGNORE me. It’s beyond crazy to put your SO through that (ie going out drinking and then stonewalling you) that is not okay. I would let it go for now and if it happens again you have to make a decision to make a change

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Sounds like he thinks your a clown and will go for anything you should show him a different side of yourself.

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Geez. I think you have some trust issues. I would never blow my husbands phone up while he was out.
And def not if it started as a work thing.
Someone needs to pull her big girl panties up and grow up.
Have you never lied to him? Mmhmm bet you have.
And the phone. Guarentee they did pass it around. To make fun of him for having the girl who was crazy. Ive seen it done. Heck. Ive done it.
Does he blow your phone up when you go out? Sure af hope not.
Now. Knock the lame pitty party off. Grow up and fcol lighten up ya pyscho

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If you don’t trust him, leave.

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Do it to him. See how he likes it

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Cut bait now!! Find someone better than him.

He is talking rubbish. He was just ignoring you. For whatever reason….

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He sounds like an immature ass, especially to let random people go through your messages. So yes I’d be mad too. What kind of messages were you sending him? If you were sending crazy texts then I could see him just ignoring it instead of starting a fight :woman_shrugging:t3: what you were saying to him matters…

Sounds like a cover story to me.trying to cover his butt.

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