My husband will be going to basic training: Advice?

Does anyone have a husband who joined the US army and went for basic training? If so, can I get more detailed details like how often they can call and how did u manage to stay without your husband? I’m living in the US at the moment, but I don’t have kids or my family here and I’m the only person to myself at the moment. I’m actually losing it, and I’m really depressed. Do you guys have any suggestions or more details about how it’s gonna be in the basic training and how it is gonna be in other trainings ?


Military spouse here. They dont get their phones in basic training, its classic letter exchanges to keep in touch. And as far as being in the army goes, their schedules are all over the place. Rarely home the same time every day. Sometimes they train for a week sometimes its two months. Depending on his job, it varies a lot. Life is very unpredictable.


There are military family support services and organizations to help you out. One of Dr. Jill Biden’s projects as Second Lady was supporting military families with First Lady Michelle Obama. She is continuing to support this cause, so there is support from the top.

For immediate assistance or to access confidential help, call the Military OneSource toll free number at 800-342-9647 or international collect at 1-484-530-5908.

6 Awesome Online Communities for Military Spouses
Homefront United. While every military family is welcome at Homefront United, the articles and information are catered specifically to the National Guard and Reserves communities. …
Macho Spouse. …
Military Spouse. …
InDependent. …
NextGen MilSpouse.

1 Like

If you have been totally dependent on your husband for everything, you are about to grow up and learn to take care of yourself and your family. But you can do it! And you will learn how capable you really are, how independent and resilient and adaptable you can be. These are skills you need for life anyway and you should already know how to pay bills and deal with finances, handle repairs (by calling professionals—you don’t have to know how to do everything yourself), deal with problems and solve them yourself. But it’s never too late to learn! In addition to military support services and groups, you have Alexa, Siri, Google and You Tube to help you out. Get ready to be fierce, fabulous and fearless!

The military in the U.S. has several benefits for families. You may get education subsidies or help finding work or get first preference for some jobs, especially those on the military installation where you’re stationed. Nursing and teaching have been traditional easily portable skills for military spouses, but any tech work is also good, and with more white collar jobs having work from home options, that opens up possibilities to work anywhere. You may have access to low- or no-cost swimming pools, movie theaters, bowling alleys, discount event tickets, special tours, parties (maybe at the White House!), healthcare benefits and more.

You may get the chance to travel with your husband and live in foreign locales, or just other places in the U.S., which is a wonderful experience for you and any kids. You will learn so much, and have your horizons broadened (food, art and culture, customs, politics, new sports, sights, experiences). Of course some places are too dangerous for families, in which case you stay put.

Depending on which branch of the military you are in, you could be stationed in Virginia Beach, or San Diego, Fort Bragg, N.C., Fort Campbell TN/KY, Hawaii or Alaska, Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, or the greater Washington, D.C. area. Or you could travel to Japan, Bahrain, South Korea, Turkey, Germany, Italy, essentially for free. Learn to budget. Some places are expensive to live, while others are cheap (especially some spots overseas), so it will all balance out in the end. Base housing can be great or abysmal, but often you can find a place to live in the community where you are located. Officer perks are better than enlisted ones in general, but not always. The service will pack you up and ship you out, but be careful to pack your most fragile stuff yourself, maybe have family hang onto heirlooms or put them in storage so they can’t get lost as you move from place to place.

You may get to briefly ride in a helicopter, onboard an aircraft carrier, in a Coast Guard cutter or a tank as part of a family day program, or get to watch the Blue Angels or Thunderbirds up close, go to free military band concerts (which anyone can do anyway).

Unless he screws up, it’s a secure career with steady pay and advancement. If he stays in 20 years the retirement benefits are excellent, and he can parlay his experience into a whole other career after that or just retire early. Yes, he can be sent into a war zone and be badly injured or lose his life, but depending on his specialty, that might never happen. We also have some of the most advanced technology to help keep our military men and women safe, and they train constantly to help ensure their safety. More and more warfare is becoming remote, using drones, distant missile launches and such.

Yes, you and any kids will miss him a ton while he is deployed. Same with families of long-haul truckers, doctors with long hours, traveling salespeople, or any job that requires lots of travel. Thankfully technology helps you keep in touch, though not when he’s in Basic or if he’s in a submarine. He can record himself reading bedtime stories for kids, you can make videos to send him, Face Time, etc. Develop hobbies, strong friendships, and great support systems to help you weather the long stretches. Buy sex toys if you want. Don’t have an affair or cheat.

If you get stationed in the D.C. area, hit me up! There’s a ton of cool stuff here for you to enjoy, and a lot of it is free! I’ll have you over for dinner, drinks and fun too.


There is also The Navy League, Association of the U.S. Army, Marine Corps Association, Air Force Association lobbying groups that often support and welcome the military around the country and the world. Navy League members in certain cities may greet ships with city maps, free tickets, invitations to parties, and just general cheering and support, for example.

1 Like

I’m sure it’s changed since I was in. We were able to make calls on Sundays at a payphone if we weren’t in the field. Depending on were he goes for AIT some gets to keep thier cell phones foe weekend use.

My husband is a Drill Sergeant. You’ll pretty much only get letters in Basic. He won’t be able to call while he’s there.

AIT (which my husband does) is a little different, I think they get their phones. But like someone else said it depends on what his MOS is and where he goes.

Join groups now. Find spouse pages, support groups, try to make friends with spouses now. Having a support network makes a world of difference. I was 100% alone when we were in Ft. Campbell and I was miserable. I got out and met people while we were at Grafenwöhr, and even now while we’re somewhere else I still have those friends and it’s so much easier to handle him being away when I have people who understand that I can talk to.

This life is hard. Being a spouse is going to be one of the most challenging parts of your life. I always said I wouldn’t date a soldier, and here I am, married to one with a 1 year old, and I was proven to be 100% right in my thoughts of why I never wanted to be with a soldier haha. It sucks, especially in this part of it - We will probably never complain about a unit again after his 2 years DS is up lmao. But, if you focus on love, you’ll be fine.

Lots of communication. Be completely open and honest with your husband and let him do the same. Do not keep secrets or hide things. And be prepared to have to do a lot on your own.

It’s stressful. It’s hard. But you can do it and you’ll make it through. :blue_heart:

1 Like

Its important to get to know yourself as well, if you notice that you are too sad, crying a lot, its good to look for professional help, and try to keep yourself busy. Im not from the USA and it was very difficult even when i moved he was done with BT, something you will need to be prepared too its some mental health issues, yours and his. At the firsts signs look for help.
My husband has developed depression, anxiety and ptsd and he wasn’t even deployed.
Basic Training is hard

When I went through basic myself last year over the course of 9 weeks we got 3 phone calls. Letter writing is what we had to communicate. There is an app that you can put on your phone and pay for letters. You type it on the app and they print it and get it to your soldier. Then you don’t need to hassle with getting stamps etc to mail it. It is tough but the benefits that come from it are worth it. While he is in basic he will be given a housing allowance since you guys are married. Which is great to help alleviate some financial stress from you back at home. The military does have its perks but it is definitely a hard life. But I think if the two of you work together you can handle it and make a good life of it!

My husband was in the military…we did letters mostly…but he was able to call once in awhile. I just worked while he was gone. He was gone for 6 months. All I can tell you is work on yourself while he’s away…my husband came home with PTSD. And he can’t be around alot of people he gets anxiety.

MarissaKillian…maybe you might have some advice?

You can write letters @

Your going to be alright! However get ready to be the strongest version of yourself you didn’t know existed! Time to find lots of hobbies and friends that have your back on good days and bad! Learn to embrace the hard !!! Remembering how many other women, families and children have endured this also keeps things in perspective ! Reach out to groups like this!!!

Honestly it depends on the base my brother was in SC for his basic and he still had his phone he’d call or text when he got a chance, it’s an adjustment for sure, but I’m sure he’ll call every chance he gets

No family no husband no kids sounds like you need a box of wine and some 80s music.

My ex joined the army and was immediately miserable and wanted to quit. I was in college and therefore had extremely limited means. He would call collect all times day and night and just cry and blubber. I couldn’t pay for collect calls so I unplugged the phone. He would call friends and neighbors collect to tell me to plug in the phone! GAWD what a pitiful excuse for a man!