I found out that my husband cheated when he traveled for work recently. I was told this by someone who knows the girl he cheated with, and when I checked his phone, I found pictures he took with her, and there were many calls to/from her number even after he returned from the trip. I asked him about it, he denied it but eventually said he met her through some friends of his colleague that he’d traveled with. He said they all had drinks together, and that’s how they ended up taking pictures (although it was just her and him in the pictures that I saw, and they were sitting very close). He apologized for entertaining her but still denies that he had sex with her. I have been through all kinds of emotions since I found out, and I feel like if he doesn’t own up to everything that he did and be honest about it, I don’t know if or how we’ll be able to move on from this. We’ve never had any issues with cheating before this, but the fact that he’ll have to go back to the town (for work again) where this girl really makes me uncomfortable. And at this point, I’m starting to question what he’s been up to all the times we’ve been apart since he’s traveled quite a lot since we’ve been married. We have three small children, married for five years. I’ve basically told him that if anything like this happens again, I’m taking my kids, and I’m leaving. I need advice on how I can get him to admit his wrongs and how to recover from this. Also, would I be crazy to tell him to find a way to get out of the trips to that town? TIA
I am sorry love I don;t get why he wont
They don’t own up to it. Even if you catch them red handed with photos or video, they will only admit the bare minimum that you have proof for, they won’t come clean about all the rest.
Even if they do come clean and tell you everything, believe me, they are not telling you everything. They are telling you only as much as they need to in order to get you off their back.
There are at least three reasons why they won’t admit it:
They know they are complete sh*t horrible person, but they really don’t want you to know how bad it really is. They are trying to preserve as much as they can.
They don’t admit it to you because many times they don’t even want to admit it to themselves. If they were to tell you everything, it would mean they would have to think through all the events, and that will bring them face to face with the awful truth about themselves.
They don’t want you to know all of the tricks they pulled because they want to keep them in their back pocket to use later. Every time I found out what my partner did, when I confronted them with it, they admitted the bare minimum (see point #1) and then they were extra careful to cover their tracks the next time.
They’re just not going to tell you everything, an frankly, you don’t need to know everything.
I totally understand that you want to know everything, believe me I do.
But if you have enough information to conclude that this relationship needs to end, then how is having more information going to change the outcome? It won’t. It will just be more and more painful for you.