My husband and I both had children before meeting each other. His ex and him have never been on good terms since splitting up. I left it alone and have just been nice and supportive of the situation. I’m nice to her. I do things for my step child and frequently take my step child while they’re both working, help with school work etc. really I just try to be understanding of the position he’s in because I know he feels backed into a corner because of the events that have taken place. Said ex is still friends with his family, goes to see them without his knowledge, Makes plans they try not to include me, my spouse, or other children in. Yet after all this time, his family really doesn’t speak to me much. I’m nice to them also. Try to get to know them and be close with them and have these past few years we’ve been together. And they act fine to my face, but then when the ex is around, it’s like no one speaks to me, and I’m not a part of their family. I’ve said something to my spouse. He says he will deal with it. But he’s concerned that saying something to his family will fall back on his relationship with his child because they will say something to his ex. Truthfully I don’t want to cause a scene. I just wanted him to know I’m uncomfortable, and they make me feel like I have to compete with this woman and won’t allow me to be part of their family as well. They treat me like the red-headed stepchild. And I don’t care for it. I’m really at the point where I don’t want to go to family functions because my children and I don’t even feel included, and they treat his ex and her children (only one of them is his biologically) like they’re superior to me and mine even though I’ve tried and tried to build relationships with his family. What would you do? I’m a firm believer that it’s not MY place to say something to his family. And I don’t want to potentially be the reason there are issues between him and his child. I’d love for everyone to just get along and everyone is included, even his ex. But how do you accomplish that at this point?
well if you don’t speak up then how can they know what you feel… in the end they will continue to treat you this way since it has been allowed and really you have to think of your children too…put it to his mom like this what if their grandchild he has with the ex was in your position would they his family expect that their grandchild be treated well accepted and loved??? If the answer is yes then say why can’t you treat me with that same courtesy I love your son I love your grand child and I am apart of the grand child life I wouldn’t allow anyone to do this to my children nor would I support them accepting bad treatment from the family of the person they love…in the end you gotta do it for you and you can say I have chosen to try for the love I have for your son but even Jesus has limits…
Time for you to stop trying and do what’s right for you and your children for in the long run they are being treated like second best and you mom are sitting back and letting it happen so wake up next time they plan something you plan something different on the same day for you and your children for doesn’t look like he cares how you and your children feel so time to ask yourself is this really how you want your children to be brought up for trust me when they get older they will look down at you for allowing it in the first place.
Get a back bone woman your children are being hurt!!!
You sound like a very nice reasonable lady who’s got her head bolted on ! I’ve experienced similar to you …I tried and tried my daughter and I were ignored by a in- law family member, and MIL always bowed to her because she didn’t want to upset her … what I did…attended the ‘family’ functions spoke to everyone‘hello’ the usual pleasantries…then let them get on with it held my head high and thought balls to all of you …my husband never said anything as he didn’t want to rock the boat …don’t lower yourself keep doing what you do …maybe don’t be so available to help out …good luck
Just don’t go when his family plans stuff and leave them alone. They don’t want you there, then don’t go. Find other things to do.
I think that you need to tell them exactly how you feel in a nice, respectful way… that you have no issue with his ex, but are feeling a little left out and that you really want to feel like you are a part of their family with her included… truthfully it’s probably hard for them to know exactly how to act in that situation as well since she is the ex and you are his wife… maybe sit down with them and explain how you are feeling.
Do yourself and kids a big favour and stay away from these family functions, he not willing to rock the boat, and you’re not going to be disrespected by this nonsense, don’t even say anything anymore about it to him just do that for your own sanity. If his family says anything to you about it, then you tell them straight, you didn’t know you and your kids would have made a difference because you never feel welcomed whenever you are there.
I would stay away from his family, if he wants me to spend time around then then he’ll speak up about the way they act.
You did the right thing by going to your spouse and telling him how you feel. He should as a man tell his family regardless of this Ex. Your the wife not her. But if they’re not treating you or your children right I wouldn’t go around them till they do.
It stopped it’s time for you to stop trying if your husband is not by your side and he can’t be there and speak up for you because his family and his other kids treat you one way I’ll be damned if I would let somebody treat me that way especially his family no and as for his children hell no you weren’t second best and you weren’t taking leftovers so if I was you I’ll put my big girl panties on and do things my way honey don’t like it oh well he’s just a dingaling around the house children are forever
The way you’re being treated is wrong but it’s hard to change these situations. The bright side is that it sounds like you and your husband have a good relationship where you can talk about these things and respect each other. That’s more important so just keep working together and you will find the best solution
First off stop looking after her kids. Second any family functions? Plan one of your own. And insist your husband attend, after all he is married to you. Stay away.
Being the second wife is always fraught with animosity.
Tell him again how you are hurt by his lack of support.
Your children are the ones being hurt.
Have you married a man who was free emotionally ? Or one who wants his cake and eating it??
Your husband needs to man up and tell his family to smarten up ! . Don’t be a doormat do for them as they have done unto you
Wow, I have chills, I feel like I’m reading a story about ME! This is so accurate to me and my husbands situation accept I stopped being nice, o stopped trying , my mental health started being compromised by all of it and after 6 years I decided I was going to stop making an effort to be a part of the family. My husband has my back 100% and he stopped associating with them as well. Its been a full year of zero contact with these ppl and things have been great, my husband disowned his entire family as he should, I’m his wife and bs needed to stop. Stand your ground and demand respect! I’m sorry your dealing with this because your the wife now and they shouldnt be treating you like a stranger.
I would refrain from going to anymore family functions especially u feel your being shunned out eventually theyll wonder why.your being a no show and if they care explain why u dont care to go and be in thier company. Good luck in your situation
Let get herself a baby sitter to help her child…focus on your own kids and stay away from family functions. Clearly they have not accepted you and its okay.
Let them be. Stay away from them, it’s hard but you will accept and eventually you will be happy. Give them space even if hubby is going to the gatherings dnt stop him,just make sure he’s smart and neat but you stay at your home for peace sake. Been there and it’s working alright for me 
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I’m sorry you are going threw this but at one point you have to try to fix the problem even if it comes with consequences or else you will have to deal with this problem forever …
Initiate a family event, include everyone.
Make a speech to the effect of moving forward as a unit.
I would do that, probably a little dramatic but oh well. I would probably hold the door open for anyone to leave too.
You’re doing an awesome job!!
I would partake and put in as much effort as they put into me and my children which sounds like nearly none.
If they invite my ENTIRE family DIRECTLY and treat everyone accordingly when we do accept the invite… otherwise we will just quietly remove ourself from such situations and make our own tradition with the most important family; the 1 y’all made together.
I don’t know that your husband should be doing anything for you though. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s his family and eventually he may have to say something but YOU are the 1 feeling disrespected and YOU should communicate that 1st. I would be as polite as possible about it. Hell, I think you worded it perfectly in this post to make it clear that you are in no way meaning any disrespect. If they don’t change how they act after you say something THEN maybe he should say something and ya’ll should distance yourself.
That is tough. Ultimately, it comes down to communication. If they invite you to a family event, maybe you can mention “I know you guys are close with [his ex], and I don’t want to make things awkward if I go. Maybe we can do something another time?” And use that as a way to communicate how you’re feeling. If it continues, you guys should start your own traditions! You and your children shouldn’t feel like outsiders.
Your attitude is amazing. You care and are showing a lot of respect to all of them, to include his ex. I think of Prince Charles and Camellia, as someone who had to play the long game. While it took a long time, in the end, everyone respects her so much for the way she has handled things. And while not all, most have excepted her.
Seems the ex is the neck that controls the direction in which all heads should swing …
I would just talk to the family and let them know how you feel and ask them why they treat you the way they do, but personally for me I wouldn’t care if they spoke to me or not and i wouldn’t allow myself or my children to be subjected to that environment
While I commend you for having a good attitude, you can’t force the ex to like you. My oldest’s bio idiot has had the same broad in all of these 10 years my son has been. I still won’t speak to her. The only time I spoke to her was 2 weeks ago to kick her out of his IEP meeting because she has no legal right to be there.
I mean you have a right to stick up for yourself. But obviously there is a right and wrong way to do it. Just to give you an idea, you and your husband should sit down with his family privately and do it completely out of love. It prevents from making a huge scene. Tell them your concerns and that you don’t want the drama. If they go back to baby momma and stir up problems then maybe you should step back for a while. You don’t need that type of toxic behavior in your life. At the end of the day its up to you though.
Look I’ll be the one to say it, they are allowed to still have that relationship with her and the kids. On the other hand, you need to talk to them and explain that you sometimes feel left out. But try to not bring her up in the conversation.
I tried putting a stop to that. They had pictures up of her around the aunts house. And none of me. After 6 years of marriage, they were still up. After 10 years. They were still up. After I divorced him, they’re still up. And his father and her often. Meet at the gym, I’ve been discussed between them before. So on that note. My suggestion. Have a dinner. Invite them over. And I’d definitely express myself to them. Because later on it will be a big issue. With who’s invited to so and so wedding. And birthday parties. And BBQs. And it won’t be you. It will be her and the kids. So I’d def make a point of it. And stress him on fixing it. It shouldn’t have to come to ruining anytype of relationship with the kids.
Never make anyone a priority if they make your kids an option. Even family.
I’d save up money and gift my children special things when they are left out of the family things I’d bring them gifts to that family event and not give any to other kids my children will be included or I will treat them special myself but first I’d tell my husband about he’d either have to say something and make my kids included or I’d give them the special gifts in front of the other kids I’d even announce I have gifts for the kids but completely ignore her kids then see how she likes the treatment lol but I’m an ass like that so yea lol
Your husband is making excuses. If there is a custody agreement, she can’t take the child away. You aren’t asking his ex to be your BFF, you are asking your husband to confront his family about their behavior towards YOU and your children. He doesnt have to name the ex in this.
I am the ex in this situation (not this one in particular I just mean in my own life) I make a point not to speak about my ex or his wife when I’m with their family because me and my ex were not a good pair at all. But I am extremely close to his mother and so are all my kids . My eldest is the only one whose biological but they treat all my kids just the same. And I enjoy their companionship. They have treated his wife differently I feel and I truely dont appreciate it and maybe you could explain how you feel to the ex about it so she can bring it up? They atleast stopped speaking badly of her to me after I said that was his choice to make her his wife and they need to respect that and it seems things have gotten better but im not sure truely. Even If I don’t agree with my ex for my own reasons it doesn’t matter because thats still his family and neither of you should feel uncomfortable in your own families home… I wish I could be of more advice but im just hoping your husband’s ex atleast has family values no matter what her feelings are. Also its absolutely your place that’s suppose to be your family as well and there shouldn’t be a problem with you bringing up how things make you feel.
I’d be done with them all
Of I were treated that way I would no longer participate in ‘family events’. I’d allow husband to go for his child but I’m at the point in life if I’m not happy or comfortable in a situation I won’t go. Family doesn’t mean much. If the child is old enough to understand just explain that their not the reason your not going. You love them and are happy to see them anytime but you just don’t feel comfortable enough to be going to these things. Kids understand way more than you’d think. Just be open and honest with the child. That’s the only person you need to explain yourself to in this situation
I just wouldn’t go. I’m petty like that though. If I feel out of place I will not put myself in that situation again. If they want a relationship with me or my children they can invite us places or come to us.
I’m getting kind of tired of the exact same questions appearing on multiple pages I follow.
I hate saying this, but It will always be this way to an extent. All you can do is continue what your doing, obviously do not bend over backwards for these people. But for the sake of your sanity, emotionally well being, and self health. Let this one go, you can’t make everyone like you. All you can do is you, obviously you don’t have to take the bullshit either. My partner and I also have this issue. However I made it a point to have a somewhat working and somewhat causal relationship with her mom. I ask about my step daughter to her directly, send her messages about her daughter when she’s with me and her dad for the week, I make sure to include mom in things and let her know I love her daughter and that I’m not here for the drama. In the beginning there was issues. There’s always bumps in the road in the beginning, however I made it clear in the beginning that I don’t want the drama, that’s not what I’m here for. I prove myself, in the way I help raise our daughter. This is a group effort and I’m blessed enough to have my bonus baby, all you can do is be happy with the family you guys created together. Don’t worry about what they think, worry about the family you created, you guys grew and left your old ones for a reason. Don’t worry about pleasing people who are still caught on the past 
xoxo
Don’t go… life is too short for that mess. And if your husband gets mad about it…move him in with his family and ex wife.
Your husband needs to get some spine and do something about it. He’s making excuses.
Honestly the only thing you can do is continue being a good person. Stuff like that only hurts you mentally if you keep trying to fix it, it’s not your fault. Maybe they want him to get back with her and there’s nothing you can do about that, He’s with you. Just start doing stuff with your husband and kids, post it online, don’t talk to them until they start treat you better. You seem like a really good person, don’t let that petty stuff get to you.
I’m the ex in this situation. And I hate to tell you that what you wish for will never happened. The only thing you can control is your own action. I don’t know your situation, how long the ex and your husband have been together before divorce. Were you the cause of the divorce? How long you’ve been with your husband. In my situation, I have been with my ex for 10 years with 2 kids before separation. His current gf has been with him since I was pregnant with my oldest so about 6 years before separation. And it’s has been 3 years since we were separated. I hate my ex for the cheating and lying. I don’t hate the woman. I’m grateful that she takes care and loves my children. I’m sad that she won’t ever get what she wants from him but it’s her choice. I’m closer to his own brothers than he is. Therefore I can come and go as I pleased to the family house if I feel like doing so. Any family events that I’m there with the kids, she’s not invited out of respect for me. And if she’s invited, I won’t be there. I will never stop my children to see their family; but I won’t put myself in awkward situation. I’m perfectly fine with having 2 birthday parties and 2 Xmas parties. And not having to go to their parties. But that’s my situation. If you don’t want to go to these parties because the X is there then don’t. Throw your one party then invite his family over. Make your own family tradition. To me the ex is not the problem, the problem is his family.
It’s simple. Do not go. Do not participate. That is a form of toxicity and the ex is still trying to insert herself by using them having a child as an excuse. I do believe people form bonds with their ex’s family members and I for one am for it but they can see each other and have lunch on their time, not at family functions. There are no boundaries set and at this point there is no point in speaking up. You being nice has allowed your boundaries to be nonexistent. You can’t control what they have going on and your husband does not want to stand up to them so do what IS in your control and that is to not participate. If your husband continues going where his ex is then you also know where he stands and that is a bigger problem that you’ll have on your hands. It’s not you making him choose between you and his family but the fact that he is allowing his current spouse to be disrespected that I wouldn’t tolerate.
You’re on the back foot when you are in their home. So start inviting them to yours - where you and your family are the hosts. Let them get to know the real you. Let them see how united you and your husband are, and kick him up the arse to make his family aware that he is so happy with you - they should be happy for him that he has you, that his kids have you. Make effort in future to be part of conversations when you’re at theirs- just walk up, smile, butt in, offer opinions. Let them see you’re going nowhere. Tell them, straight that it’s taken a long time to feel welcomed into the family, if it makes them uncomfortable, good. But do it all in a friendly “ I’m already one of you” kind of way. If that doesn’t work, f*ck them. 
Maybe his family is also afraid if they push the ex won’t let them see the grandkids either. It’s worth a conversation with him and his parents alone put it on the table. If it does not change then you have decisions to make . I have been married 34 years have a blended family. Unfortunately ex’s are always around there are milestones in kids lives that both parents should be present for . Her presence should be to include not push the “reigning” spouse to the background.
In my opinion it’s your husband’s duty to speak to his family re: the issue- sounds like the potential for a lot of resentment to build up between the two of you which isn’t good at all. Hopefully he will step up for you
So if she takes the kids to help the ex out than maybe her relationship with the ex is better than her husbands. Maybe she could talk to the ex. Maybe the ex could extend the olive branch and help her feel more included with the family. Maybe the family feels they would be betraying the ex and children. Perhaps if they saw it wasn’t so they would come around.
This relationship isn’t going to work. Sorry to say, but his child comes before you (as it should be) and if his ex is always going to be in the picture and his family is rooting for her, than you’re never going to have the support. Cut your ties and find yourself someone that’ll make you feel one in a million not like a burden. (Not his fault but he’s backed in a corner like you said.)
I’d speak my peace if they hate me anyway. If I’m already an outsider I will tell you all about it. If nothing changes you tried. But don’t accept disrespect from them either
Make friends with the ex. Invite her to lunch and shopping. Let her know that you think she is a great mom and is doing a wonderful job with the kids. Build a relationship around the children and for the good of the children. Once she likes you, there will be no way for his family to exclude you or treat you second hand as she will be in your corner. It can work. Families can get along. Everyone can be included and considered special. All children can be treated equally. You will have to work for it but, it is so worth it in the end. Give it a try, you might just be surprised.
So what I would do is stop going to family functions. It sounds like you dont enjoy them, hurt afterwards and so are your children. Your spouse should say something it’s his family and legally his ex meanie cant stop him from seeing his child that’s why there is court and he should be reminded of that.
Sounds to me he’s not truly over his ex if he’s not doing any about it, your just the other woman. If a man really wants you he’ll definitely show it as let his family know. Or tell him it’s her or me, and you don’t want confrontation, if he understands he’ll ask her to stop. But still sounds to me your just the other woman regardless how long you’ve been together.
My husband’s family did this, to the extreme of not even including him. After years of trying to work with them… He gave up. Nephew and his wife are the only ones we still talk to. It’s sad, but they need to realize the kids need their DAD too. As a step parent… Yeah, you aren’t in first place, and it sucks, but it is what it is. Only if they are taking the kids negative things about you and their Dad, or alienating them from him, is it really an issue.
Sort of related, I got pregnant out of wedlock with our first child and his family did the same to me, not speaking talking behind our backs. They still think I blamed the baby on him despite 6years of marriage and baby #2
To stop this my husband had to put his foot down and say if they didn’t straiten up they wouldn’t be part of our family. However it took 2 years before he was able to build up the courage to take them on. It was hell but now they try to be sure I feel welcome
I have basically lived this for 14 years, though eventually the ex stopped talking to my in laws. Most of them are still rotten to me so I finally just stopped trying. Eventually my SO got tired of how they treated me and our kid and he doesn’t really speak to most of them either, though that was his choice, I didn’t care if he wanted to keep hanging out with his siblings. His parents are both fine so we still have them in our lives, but the siblings only get contacted if my MIL is sick or injured. My SO and I are fine, zero tension about it. He knows I didn’t pressure him and he knows they were awful to me. We had the benefit of his kids with the ex being older teenagers when they divorced so there wasn’t the same leverage involved. Anyone who uses a relationship with a child to manipulate a situation is a terrible person.
Hmmmmmmm they may feel IF uncomfortable with both the new and the ex together and feel if they don’t accomodate her she will withdraw herself and their family member ? Any ways just keep being you , when you are around them as you said be nice you are the better person in all ways for YOU and you don’t have to compete with the EX because she is in fact the EX try not to let that bother you or spoil what you have 
.
If he doesn’t wish to speak with them about it or you don’t want him to due to potential issues with the ex, there are other things he can do, like personally include you. You can be on friendly terms with the family without seeking their approval. I get that it’s hurtful to be left out, but I don’t feel that the ex is necessarily to blame here. His family is putting you in this position, not her. Being in contact with them, seeing them, etc is not necessarily a bad thing as it takes a village. However, you should not be excluded. Simply put, he should be including you when/if you are being excluded. He can do it without causing strife. A simple, “hey she does this or that too or honey how do you feel about this, this or that”. He can get the message across without stepping on toes
Sounds like you’re playing nice but no one else is. If it were me I’d quit going to the family functions. If your husband continues to go then obviously he does not care enough about you to stand up for you. After a while I’d split from him also. I’m sorry
I suppose I’m very lucky. My second husband came with two boys, I had one boy when we married. In the beginning it was difficult but over time things got better. We are a blended family and happily share grandchildren and have become friends. My husband and I are married 55 years and our boys are brothers
We also had a son together so we now have four loving sons
The way you feel can change depending on your perspective. The reality is is that they were a family unit before you. So embrace them like you would a co worker that you would prefer not tonwork woth. Blended families require effort and you cannot begrudge an ex for having relationships woth a family she was a part of. Deal with your resentment and then make healthy choices as you move forward.
Idk I always thought a ex was A EX. It don’t matter if you got kids. Drop the kids off with said family and move on. That it. Sounds like she still wants to be in the family still and probably hasn’t moved on yet. But everyone is allowing it. I always think women are weird who do that. Like that’s your child’s family not yours at the end of the day. She’s probably leave your in-laws alone once she moves on. Cause then what is she gonna do? Bring her new husband to she ex husbands family’s house. No and if she did I hope the family would say something.
Been there!! My husband’s ex-wife were always around family functions. She sticks around the daughter so she goes everywhere with her. My husband’s family functions she’s there. I don’t know why? Maybe she has no life. So much better now. We just did our thing:pray:
I’m not gonna lie, I stopped reading. His families relationship with their grandchild and his mother have zip, zero, nothing to do with you. Therefore there is no reason for you to be included in their plans, your husband for that matter either. I visit both of both of my exes families with my kids and they are not included nor talked about in any conversation. These are boundaries, stop trying to cross them and make a mountain out of NOTHING, not even a molehill. Sorry, just dont sympathize with I’m not included, it isn’t your relationship to be a part of.
Stop being chummy with
The X. Don’t bother with his
family, let them come to you. Make plans for you the kids and your husband away from them. Don’t include them or the X. Let them all stew in their own juices . After a while , they’ll get the message.
Just remember that you can’t control the actions of others, only your reaction to their behavior. You have to make the choice to be comfortable in your marriage and let the family issues go, or fight it out. Either way has consequences and only you know which is best for you and your marriage
I got 2 sides I love my sister in-laws n niece n nephew n if my brother got a new relationship my loyalty would lay with them that’s just me second as for me n my husband family they didn’t like me n I just stop going he saw how I was treated I do everything with just us I talk to them but I keep my distance
It could be that she has told his family that you’re the other women meaning he may have said that he was cheating and this caused the divorce had this happen to my daughter
Take them to lunch with your husband no kiddos and speak your peace…I went through this same thing FOR 11 YEARS OF MY LIFE!! it doesn’t get better!!! If your already considering not going around them anymore then you have nothing to lose. .p.s. if they are excluding your children then do it for them…its cruel
They don’t want you! Frankly you pointing out one of the exes children is not the biological child is terrible! Obviously they love that child! Just do you and if you say something you will cause problems with him, his children and his family…Do you
From a child’s perspective… My dad chose his wife over his 6 biological kids by living far away and hardly trying to build a relationship between kids and new wife, but demanding we accept her and her kids. The most important relationships are the kids and your partner and then the mother of the kids. As a mom separated my view is that the kids are more important and then a relationship with me would be nice (but that’s just me). In laws can be stupid. Focus your energy on the most important relationships.
If your husband won’t speak up for you, tell him honestly that you don’t feel welcome and won’t be attending any more gatherings with them. If this doesn’t make him put his foot down with them, perhaps he doesn’t see you as part of his family, either.
I’m sorry but if I’m married to a man and im helping him to raise his son and his ex and his family get along but we do not in wouldn’t push it is married the man and his son not the in laws if they favor the ex because they are to afraid to stand up and say I want to see my grandchildren not you then that’s their problems I’d also be polite and respectfully to the ex because children feel that animosity they feel when adults act wrong towards each other and he doesn’t need to feel that this is a blended family and all that matters is the children feel loved and not in the middle is also believe your husband should talk to his family and if they still act as if your not good enough then cut ties with them not the ex and your step son but your in laws all that stress and strain will put a strain on your marriage and may put a stress and strain on your relationship with your stepson just keep showing him love and that he’s excepted and move on from the negativity of the in laws
Stand up for yourself and if they have an issue with it, cut them all off. You only have to be polite to him and his kids
If I were you I would tell my husband to man up and talk to his family about it before I bring it up with them myself to find out what’s going on. If they absolutely don’t change then I wouldn’t go to any more family functions and cut ties. I had something somewhat similar to this with my family.
Its never going to change. I lived with my FIL at a point in time and he even went as far as putting up a huge pboto and labeled it his family. Sadly it included both my husband’s ex wives and their children but none of me or our children it was very insulting. We wasn’t going to stand there and have that disrespect shown to myself or my kids
Have a family meeting and talk get your feeling out…
Ask them to honestly how they feel.
And if this doesnt work then host your own holiday get together you are under no obligation to host the ex at all to spare everyone’s feelings or you can depending on what your comfortable with good luck!
Yeah no, I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t want his child to suffer but id def say something myself. Always take care of that baby because its not their fault, but yeah your the wife and if they wanna be friends with her then tell them they could atleast shoe you some decent respect while she’s around
Do what works for you, but honestly it’s time for your husband to stand his ground. WE won’t attend functions if you cannot accept my whole family which means my ex wife AND my current wife. Everyone should still be included but he needs to make it clear that HE has an issue with it and that he won’t tolerate it. Until he makes that clear they won’t change Bc why should they they get to have him and her and life is normal and nobody has to accept the change bc nobody is addressing the change and calling anyone out. It sucks he has to even address his own family but THEY caused this divide and nobody else is going to defend you so it needs to be him. You are his family now as well and include all or include none but that will be their choice. If they choose to not fix it after that then you guys have no toxicity and they miss out not you because THEY made the choice in the end so you guys have no guilt to feel in the end.
Dont have to have a confrontation… But ask his family to do something with you. And keep being nice and you. They may be quiet cause they think theres some friction with u ladies. So show them theres not. Kids thrive on more hands on deck loving them. If you do say anything to his family… Just keep it simple like “hey…are we ok? I kinda feel like you’re being quiet??” Keep it light hearted
Don’t interfere and stop trying to get his family’s approval for everything. You are competing with his ex without realizing it. Stop competing. As long as your inlaws are not mean/rude to you then leave it. Why would you want to be present when his family is spending time with his ex and child? Just focus on your husband and your children. If your inlaws mistreat you or badmouth you behind your back then its your husbands duty to defend you and put his family in their place. Sounds like his ex is using his child as a weapon and she is clearly also using and manipulating your in-laws. Only your hubby can do something about it.
Then you just need to stop wanting to be included in that family and not go to any of their family events. 
That’s what I’d do. What do I care about other people!!
Well ide end it but if your gonna stay and try again and again get closer to the ex in the family dinners and see what happens your not married to his family get over yourself and do what’s best for you and the kids a ad some boyfriend he is to not stand up for you ide leave find someone that cherish you it’s 2020 wake up life’s too short good luck
None of tlhem have moved on. I understand them being CIVIL to the ex, but they do not have to be SOCIAL with the ex. There is a difference. It is not going to work. Been there. It’s your choice though. I’d move on.
Maybe they r doing you a favor. Don’t get wrapped up in their drama. Keep your distance and keep being kind. You will always come out on top.
If you don’t stand up for yourself no one else will. Make waves if need be. Stand up for yourself and your kids.
Maybe they feel if they don’t kiss her butt they won’t see the kids. How aweful though she/ they can’t be adults and except n treat your kids nicely. Shame in them
Your spouse has to draw the line with his parents if not maybe stop catering to the children back and forth between this family make sure you are not just the taxi. Guys can do stupid things make sure you’re not in something self serving for him.
Fought it for years. Don’t waste your time. Life’s too short,just be happy.
Be the bigger person. Host holidays at your house on your turf. Include everyone (even his ex if you want to) and go about your life knowing the you are doing what is right.
Take up a hobby, get better things to do woman. Being in a similar situation. I know how you feel. The point made here is you are wasting your time on things that dont matter.
The ex is still in the picture and it will be hard for u. U should try and give yourself some space and watch him…
Give them a taste of their own medicine and they’ll realize it fast especially when you stop visiting them and you make plans woth just your family & husband instand of your in-laws
Make your kids and his kid with the ex closer to your family. If one side is not affectionate, make up for it for having the other side spend more time with the kids. Then the kid will say “its more fun at the other side!” Hahaha
They mistreated my kids they would be hell to pay. Husband like it or not.
Invite one person in his family to do something with you . Coffee, lunch, work out, walk, spend one on one time Building a relationship with one person. Never tell them how you feel. Just build a relationship and see where that goes. If one person isn’t receptive perhaps another person if you get turned down a lot than you know it’s not worth your time
the relationship with the family may not work but it doesnt mean u n him wont work. Its not right no but my husband has 2 kids by 2 women 1 im ok with 1 im not n thats because my skin color he married me n she sees im not bothered by her a tiins she has tried to be a bully but i def set her straight on that she is the childs mom not the wife his fam has bonds with both them girls ok that’s their business im not real close with his family BUT BUT BUTTTTTTT IM RESPE TED AS HIS WIFE u dont have to be close to them u didnt marry them u married him. My husband agrees on this too. In the end its team US not team US AND HIS FAMILY yes it hurts but in time u will kearn to not pay it no mind.
I believe they could be afraid to lose contact with the child as well. Maybe his ex has proven if you make her angry she makes your life hard. Difficult for everyone.
There’s nothing you can do about it. You are doing the best you can. Continue to see your in-laws with your kids. You are giving your kids a life lesson. Let it be a good one. Merry Christmas
Actions speak louder than words. Do your thing, they will see. F… em of they dont. Been there