We are a blended family And I had a question about whether or not I’m out of line or not for having the feeling that I have. So, needless to say, my husband’s ex-wife wants to get a tankless water heater installed and wants my husband, who is a plumber and has his own company, to come to install it for free. She only barely is willing to pay for the actual tankless water heater/parts. Now we live in Texas, and he has a mile-long list of paying customers needing plumbing done who are willing to pay. We just had a crazy freeze, and all plumbers have been swamped due to tons of busted pipes, etc. but yet she isn’t willing to pay what anyone else would be billed for the plumber’s time to install. Also, I’m deeply annoyed because I also know she has just redecorated her home and bought a pool table, new decor, and new vehicle, and a treadmill. But wants my husband to come work for free. Now, he has never been late on child support and is a wonderful dad. We split time with children about 50/50, and she’s always asking for more here and there. Am I out of line for wanting to call her out and have my husband tell her NO I will not come to install the tankless water heater for the cost of just the parts? I believe she should be billed the cost of what others would be charged Am I wrong or what would your feeling be? Just to add the water heater she has is fine, this is just a want of hers to get it switched out
She should have to pay just like anyone else.
If he has children with this woman he should do it just for the cost of parts
He can’t give his kids hot water?
I think he should discount her but she should have to pay for more then just parts.
I wouldn’t have your husband do work unless she is a paying customer. He doesn’t “owe” her anything, and like you said, there is a list of paying clientele that need to be serviced. If she’s paying, she can get on the list where she fits in. If she’s not happy about it, she can purchase someone else’s services. But I would have him tell her, not you (to save tension).
Sometimes you have to pick your battles and this is his battle, if he chooses to do it for free then I would just let it go.
I would do it where she pays for the cost of the parts and then install it for free. Since you did state hers works fine, it isn’t a major thing needed right this minute.
He’s not just your husband. He has children with this woman and she’s not going anywhere. His children are there part of the time…why would he not help her out? Why not allow him to be an example to his children of kindness and how to treat a woman? Not everything is about money. Let him be a good person and a good example to all of the kids and show them all it takes nothing but a little time from your day to be kind. The world needs more kindness.
Yes, you’re wrong and sound bitter af on top of it 
It is for his kids too, let it go. What she spent her money on decorating her house has nothing to do with you. Also if your husband volunteers his time that also has nothing to do with you.
Honestly that’s basically money you guys would be losing. Regardless of her being his ex and having kids together. She’s just like any other client and she shouldn’t get free handouts just because of who she is to him. Why do something for free that would take time when with that time you could potentially waste be put towards a paying customer. Sorry that’s how I feel and I get there’s kids involved but still.
…well considering it would be for his kids as long as she is providing the parts I don’t see why he should have any issue with hooking it up for her…is it him that has an issue or that little green monster on your shoulder? You can tell that monster it’s not a hunny do thing it’s a daddy help out thing
He has kids with her, I don’t see anything wrong with him doing it for free. He is the father…let him set a good example.
Oh far out its for his kids. Let it go. As long as she pays the parts then why not? Im sure you are a caring step mum and want them to have hot water
Fuck her. Money is Money. Bitch pay up or call tom from pta
- Kids
End of conversation
Think of it as him taking care of his kids when they’re staying with their mom. It doesn’t need to be more than that. 
His own company? He could send an employee.
Sounds like you’re bitter and jealous to me. This affects his kids with her. Fucking deal with it.
My ex does plenty of stuff like this for me as I for him… we have children together… there is nothing wrong with him helping her out. She isn’t asking for him to buy and install… so what does it hurt to help her since she parents his kids? I would hope he would want to it also teaches your children character and kindness and that bo matter what even though they aren’t together they can still be a team and that’s a huge lesson to show your children
Maybe I’m just bitter too but that is unfair. It’s not like the kids are suffering with no hot water… she should be billed the total amount. It’s a want not a need. He doesn’t owe her anything.
Let’s see you want her to pay but your husband’s child lives there half the time so it would be for the child’s benefit to. Sorry but you sound money hungry
Oh hell no !! Lmao he doesn’t have to do anything for her at all. I’d be telling her to go get fucked 
Sadly, most are going to jump straight to the fact that his kids are sharing that house. Because let’s face it, there’s nothing we wouldn’t do for our kids. I feel that and understand it, but I’m going to come at this from a different point of view because she’s just using him.
It’s not his responsibility to keep her up anymore. It’s her responsibility to make sure her home has everything her kids need. Neither he, nor you, should be made to feel guilty about that. That does not make you bitter, you have every right to feel the way you do. The more you give, the more she’s going to think she can take and he’s going to be expected to continue being at her beck and call for literally everything because of those kids. You don’t sound naive at all, you get it.
On the other hand, most of us have a soft spot for kids in general. It’s hard not to let people continue taking advantage of your good nature when kids are involved. You could do the polite thing and help a sister out because she does have his kids, or you could draw the line at taking advantage by using the kids.
I think she should pay for her share, gas, parts, ect. I think it’s unreasonable for her to ask for it all to be free. He’s probably going to have to do it I. His own time. Working hours are important as well. Good luck.
I’m not sure if these other people saying it’s for the kids got to the bottom and seen that the one she has is working properly or not. But if it’s just something SHE wants, it’s NOT for the kids! She should be billed! End of story!
If she wants it done for free and he’s willing to do it then let him but she should have to wait until he’s less swamped and all the emergency clients are done, not demand it now which sounds like she is. It’s a great example to the children and to see kindness and amicable behaviour between their parents is invaluable. He should just explain she isn’t a priority to need it right now as hers works so if she can wait a couple of weeks for him to clear the emergencies then he’s more than happy to help her out when he has some free time. Compromise on both sides is all it takes. You though need to look at your issues with this woman because she is always going to be in the picture and you cannot keep calling the shots on what he does for her and his children, it’ll just cause arguments between you both and show his children you are against them and their mum which will cause resentment and you don’t want that. Seriously learn what to battle on and what to let slide it’ll be better for you in the long run.
I don’t agree with it being for the kids, op stated that the water heater they have works fine and provides the hot water they need. Ex just wants an upgrade. Just because he used to have a relationship with her, and they share kids he shouldn’t lose paying work to support all his families just to keep ex happy and a posh heater. I wouldnt expect my ex to do anymore then see our child and pay his maintenance.
I’d be saying I guess she doesn’t get her desired heater then. Others needs come first and she’s manipulating and taking advantage.
He can do it for free but because it isn’t emergent work he should do it outside of his normal work schedule when he has time because it would cause money loss from his paying customers.
It’s for the kids tho…
If she was in a tight spot, I can see helping her out with free labor. Since she just redecorated and bought a pool table and stuff I feel that’s not the case so she can pay. This goes above child support, etc. it’s money your household loses and if you split visits 50/50… that’s like asking her to come spend HER time cleaning your house and cooking dinner for your household because it benefits their child and she’s want him to have a clean home and dinner. What do all the folks telling you it’s fine feel about that spin on things? If his ex wouldn’t do that, then why does he have to go out of his way for her house? Makes no sense💁♀️.
Either he does it free or he tells her he doesn’t have time.
I think this occassion your in wrong and making issue out of something that yes even tho shes a cow, they are still his kids. They dont control their mothers actions. This benefits his kids then yes labour should be free if shes paying for parts.
Sure, why not. She should pay for the parts tho.
That’s the mother of his children. What’s wrong with you? You sound jealous
I really don’t get everyone saying it’s for his kids?
If you read it properly, she has 1 that works fine and just wants an upgrade. If she and the kids were going with out hot water I’d understand getting in there and getting it done but it’s a want, not necessity.
Is it his obligation? No. But unless she is a terribly bad person to him, then why not? I’m a photographer and I shot my ex-husband’s new baby’s pics for free. I guess it just depends on what kind of person you choose to be.
Ohh please for fucks sake she’s the mother of your husbands children !!! What the hell you expect ? He charges her for his work come on grow up !
Maybe a family discount to compromise.
Let me just say I was taught that you NEVER give your living away ( what you do for money/ your career ). If You cut hair then charge to cut your friends hair, if you do dog walking charge your sister to walk her dog. However, If it is a one time favor or after hours or lending a HAND not a HAND OUT then by all means this world sure LACKS that Now Days… But when it comes to The MOTHER/ FATHER of your Children it is NEVER 50/50 Children require ALOT not just mometary payment… They have appts, bath, illness, school, field trips , games, dinners, friends, sleep overs, projects , clothes, shoes, responsiblities as in participaction in school. sports, library assignments , Doctors orders may include physical therapy etc, etc, etc, They also require food, money, house, air, heat , car, gas , lights, water , phone, internet, tv, books, blankets, sheets, towels, soap deodarant, washer, dryer, detergent, you get it LONG LIST and the Primary Parent Definently TAKES the Brunt off ALL that. Which ADDS UP TO A MASSIVE AMI+OUNT OF TIME AND MONEY for that one… That can not EVER be repaid. I will say that the BEST trait That my Father/ Daddy SHOWED me by his ACTIONS was that even though they were Divorced he would do , fix and Help with ANYTHING that he could if he knew or we asked EVEN after we were ALL grown if My Mother needed Help or a repair that she couldn’t handle or pay for her self and he knew about it then IT GOT DONE… He was My Daddy and he made a Lasting Impression on me for HOW THE WORLD SHOULD BE they created us ( a family) even if the Family was no longer together it was still a Commitment to make the lives of each other Better fot the sake of the children. So although I see where your going with this and I get that to a certain degree but this woman is and will never be able to be compared to a Customer for pay , or a Friend, This is the Mother Of his Children and Yes I do believe it is his duty for the better and well being of his children to do any and all things possible that effects them" in any way " and makes their lives Better in ANY way Small or Big . It shows and Teaches them Respect and Gratitude and Honor and Doing the right thing , helping their Mother out ( They SEE this) . They will HAVE TREMENDOUS RESPECT FOR HIM FOR DOING THINGS THAT HE DIDN"T HAVE TO DO - Or WAS NOT MADE TO DO… No matter what those are his children and they deserve the Best of Both Worlds. Instead of looking at it as him loosing out on money Look at as him being the Incredicble Man you Married and How much of a Wonderful Father he is to do this in Honor of his Children. Go give him your Blessing and Love on him for being that kind of Man that you can be proud of . And know that if things were not to work out for yall that he would be willing to do the same for you. Blessings are all around if you look inside of it and not the surface of what you see on the outside. Be Blessed and Be Blessing to others <3
OP states SHE’s “deeply annoyed,” and asks if “she’s out of line for wanting her husband to call and say no”…
It sounds to me like the one who will be doing the actual job doesn’t have a problem helping his ex, (and by doing so helping his children). If he wanted to charge her, I’m sure he would of discussed that with her.
Does a tankless water heater save money? Maybe that’s why she wants to replace it…? When mom is doing well, so are the children. Sounds like the father is a good dad, and knows how to coparent. Some people, even though they don’t stay together, are still on good terms and remain friends/civil.
Also he doesn’t have to pass up paying jobs to help her. Since he’s be doing the install as a favor, It’s probably safe to assume she wouldn’t demand he put her before his paying customers.
Well, I mean… I see both sides. But if my husbands ex wife ever needed something done, hed do it. Heck, even I did it if it was something I was able to do. Yes they have kids together, yes we have kids together. And we got along, even saying “its not for the kids” doesnt really apply because they will still use it, and she is still their mother. Even if it wasnt something that the kids would use, so what? If shes paying for the parts, I dont see why its an issue. The kids are watching, be good role models. Teach them how to treat others. 
It’s hot water for his kids, gee I don’t know 
Some women honestly
No sorry you don’t get to call her out. He is benefiting his children not just his ex wife and if he is willing to do that then Cudo’s to him. Should be more men around like him in my opinion.
If there has been boundary issues then I can see the hesitation. Five years ago I would’ve said hell no. Today I would put her on the schedule myself but would explain we’d have to work her in.
If this is the hill to die upon then draw your line and see what happens. No one said you had to be right. If it bothers you then it bothers you.
Idk how long y’all have been together but you’re letting that lady live in your head way too much. There is an issue in your relationship with your husband that needs to be addressed to make you feel secure. My advice is to figure out what that is.
Did they not like the replies from the last time you posted this?
So first of all his kids live there so he should. Second he can either do it for free or he can pay her child support and she can hand that money straight to another plumber to do it🤷
I can see him doing this for free… if it was an emergency and his children live in the home half of the time…
but if she has a hot water heater that’s in working order, I don’t think he should feel guilty and do it for free… in my opinion, if the ex wife wasn’t trying to cause problems between her ex husband and his wife (now), she could’ve at LEAST offered him half of the money it costs to install a new hot water heater.
To me, in my personal opinion, I feel like his ex wife is just trying to cause problems and build up tension between him and his wife.
If he’s behind on child support I’d say yes for sure
It’s his children’s mother, if he doesn’t want her to pay then so be it, his kids need heating to!
You should consider that maybe it’s more about the children to be able to have hot water. He helped create those kids and should help provide when in need. He is your husband now but that will never change the fact they had children together previously and the responsibility will always be there.
Don’t even stress it. Just let him make his own decision. Us mamas tend to micromanage everything, our husbands shouldn’t be one of them.
I think that she is right he shouldn’t do it if he’s not getting paid cuz then everybody will want him to do that plus he pays his child support and it’s on time so she should pay him
Um no. She is a paying customer like anyone else. My husband is a plumber in Texas also they’re working their ass of right now more than normal. He could help her, but she has to pay sorry in my opinion
I kno where you are coming from. My husband is also a plumber and has an ex wife. But she has learned to stay in her lane after I called her out on everything she was doing while he was paying his child support to her. Its a long story but she was money hungry and went about it in all the wrong ways. The ex wife was always asking for free favors or she’d put a certain amount of money towards child support. When I say favors ot was stuff like mowing the grass or putting up Christmas lights yet she had her son that was well old enough to do those things. But now he’s aged out for my husband to continue to pay child support so she doesn’t try and have her hand out anymore. But you just gonna have to put your foot down. Im glad I did.
No I would tell her no. He’s not doing it, hire someone else just like everyone else had to do 
That would be a no from me
He should do it for free its for his kids I I scene jealously
Just keep putting her off and she will hire someone else.
It’s not just for her, but his children as well.
Co parenting is tough, but showing the kids you can do kind things for one another is important.
What she’s done to her home shouldn’t matter.
Honestly
I would save myself the stress and let him decide
If he’s okay not getting paid then whatever it’s his loss
I hear the line “beggars can’t be choosers”. I’m hearing she has a decent water tank but she wants a fancier one because she has been upgrading her home. These kind of upgrades and repairs are expensive and time consuming. If its his business I suppose he could try to write it off on his taxes as a gift but at the end of the day as a business venture she can’t be picky on what he installs. I know we all want it to be the best fanciest equipment but can his business afford that? I think if she wants this free he chooses what gets put in and its only if it’s actually needed not because she wants it.
My ex partner and I have a son together, we’ve been split for several years he has a new wife, I’ve a new partner. He is ground worker and has his own company. He is doing our back garden( artificial grass, pattern concrete) for just the cost of materials and the labourers wages. Nothing else. We’ve offered to pay full price but it’s his sons garden and won’t accept it. I personally think if she offered to pay full and he declined then ok but just to assume she wouldn’t need to pay full price is a bit cheeky on her behalf. They are his children too and he’s bettering something for them and won’t cost the mother as much. I don’t think child support and the fact he has them has nothing todo with it. Why don’t you come to a compromise and if she’s willing to pay for parts instead of loosing money from else where do hers on a weekend or between other jobs. You aren’t loosing money and she gets it done. Just an idea.
I have a tankless and I love it, my previous hot water heater worked fine but also would run out of hot water. Everyone keeps saying her existing hot water heater works just fine, how do you know it works just fine for her situation? Does it sufficiently supply hot water all the time or does anyone have to wait for water to warm back up to have hot water? Is the existing one old but still working? If so what is wrong with being proactive instead of replacing on failure? Something to think about maybe idk
Jealousy is a curse …
Being an effective co parent and setting a good example for your children about kindness and helping family (mom and dad are both family to the kids) is more important than whatever money he could make installing the water heater. Money isn’t everything and you’re definitely showing some poor character here.
She has to get used to the fact that she is not his wife anymore and that he owes her nothing, he needs to stand up to her if she can afford to pay for it as it seems that she does.
If she couldn’t afford to pay for the installation all at once ,maybe they could come up with a payment plan at a reduced rate
Sorry not sorry but my ex does carpet and always does it free and my other is a plumber and he’d help as well. If she paid for the parts idont see why not? It takes a village ams honestly theyd be like tf you gonna pay this guy x amount for when i can just do it keep the money for some other shit thatll need fixed cause houses always need something.
Now if shes always asking for help round the house w regularly man duties yea call her out on that
He is a grown up. You shouldnt tell ppl what to do. He is doing it for his kids too.
Sorry but it’s not your problem it’s his. It’s his decision on what he wants to do so if that means he does it for free for his ex wife n children then be it but if he decides to make her pay less than be it or if he decides not to charge her at all then be it. This isnt your decision and u should butt out. Your jealously is showing very much.
If she can afford just to switch it out because she feels like it she can afford to pay labour.
This is a tough situation. Makes me so glad, my ex husband’s wife is one of my best friends. We have 2 children together and it makes things so much easier. I literally just helped them move his mother into an apartment. However, not every situation is like ours and I’m aware it’s rare for that to happen.
If it bothers you, it bothers you. Doesn’t make you wrong. Talk to him and get his intake on it. I don’t think you’re money hungry, we don’t know your finances. Do take your husband’s feelings about it into consideration. If y’all can afford for him to do it and not get paid, it may keep the peace for the kid’s sake.
My ex is an electrician and I’d never expect him to do something in my home for free. Our daughter is building a tiny house this summer after she graduates and yes, I expect to not have to pay him to do her electrical work, but that’s HERS not mine. 
I don’t feel like there is a right or wrong answer here. Your feelings are your feelings. Just discuss it and maybe y’all can come to happy medium for everyone involved. Just try to choose your battles for the kid’s sake. Good luck!
Uh… that’s a hard HELL NO here. First rule of business: Paying customers come first. Second rule of business: If your family and friends don’t appreciate or value your time, they’re just using you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a plumber, photographer, whatever. There will always be people that want you to give it away, discount, or do it for free. No. His time is valuable, as is his expertise and experience. If she’s not willing to pay for that, she can kick rocks. Do not do it for free. I’d also tell her, she can wait until he’s not swamped with paying customers. She’s an entitled snot to even expect something like that. Who she is has nothing to do with it. Clearly. She has no respect for him or his time. Dont do it, or she will expect it every single time after.
It should be free coz the kids will also use it. Dont be jealous, you should know this can happen when you got married to him.
As a plumber myself, I believe she should pay the same as anyone else.
People (family members, friends, neighbors, etc) will always try to take advantage of a trades person this way.
Our time and knowledge are valuable and came at a cost. We spend years learning our trade both in school and on the job. You wouldn’t ask a surgeon to perform surgery for free, you wouldn’t expect your hairdresser to do your hair for free, and you wouldn’t expect your local firefighter to put out your house fire for free…
I don’t know what the relationship is with your husband’s ex, so if he’s fine with donating his time, great, and if not, she can either hire him and pay or find someone else.
First off, if it doesn’t seem right with you and you don’t like it, then tell him. It really doesn’t matter what or how the rest of us think and feel. I’m so sick and tired of people telling me I’m jealous or sound mean. No, I just have boundaries and if it makes me feel bad or angry it’s not good for OUR marriage. Second, no one said we have to be nice to our ex. Be respectful. Work together when it comes to the children. Time working at an ex’s house is time away from you. NOPE. I wouldn’t like it and I’d be perfectly find letting him know. I also wouldn’t care what anyone else thought.
Hell no. And those who are saying not her choice aren’t understanding how expensive this type of job is. I work for a plumber and I am well aware how pricy it is. This family has bills to pay and obviously he being a plumber has expenses he needs to pay to keep his business going.
That is his ex wife not his current wife and not his house. Not his house not his problem.
She needs to suck it up and pay him full price of parts and labor or sell one of the fancy upgrades like the pool table and hire someone to do it.
You’re not wrong. Her water heater is fine. She wanting it replaced for nothing. Her water heater is fine.
She can wait until the people who need the work done, are done first.
This costs $1,000’s to do. You’re buying a new set up & insulation. All depends on what your buying. The ex-wife will be waiting for sure.
She has a working water heater in Texas. She needs to be thankful she has one! You don’t need an upgrade right now. Plenty of people need a water Hester because theirs are destroyed. Your want isn’t a need.
Reading is fundamental…
Obviously this is not necessary as she has a functioning one now, thus a want NOT a need. Def not for the kids. She had the funds to purchase unnecessary things and now wants another “upgrade” for cheap/free because of who the man is. Thats called taking advantage. However if he chooses to do it,free or reduced thats on him and he should always put regular customers first. As a business owner of nearly 40 years people try to take advantage all the time. You have to put your foot down at some point. Its not always “about the kids” or doing something “kind”. You have to open your eyes and see the truth. If you keep giving stuff away you dont even break even, you go into the negative
Nope I’d bill her. Just because she fucked a plumber and got knocked up doesn’t mean she’s entitled to free shit
In my family we help eachother out with expectations to return the favor. Example- my dad helped us put down flooring in our home, we will help him load hay or cut wood. I’m a big one for always helping family.
In your case, that hot water heater benefits the children, it’s a neccessary thing. Is it really that big of a deal if he does it for no charge on his spare time? Like someone stated above, it’s also a lesson to the children about kindness and support.
I do not think you’re overreacting. I would be upset as well. Considering all the new things she’s recently acquired she can apparently afford it and then wants to try to use her children as leverage for free plumbing services. I would suggest maybe him offering to install it at a reduced price because his children will benefit from it, but her expecting free plumbing is ridiculous. My brother in law is a plumber and I don’t ask for a discount if I am in need of plumbing services. He has to provide a living for his household.
His kids still live there half the time
The ex is still his family through his kids. He isn’t doing it for her, he is doing it for his kids…
Think of it this way- he’s doing it for the kids so they have jot water. Pick your battles
Maybe a 10% family discount or something to that effect but no I wouldn’t do it for free. This isn’t a hobby this is his livelihood. It’s not just the ex with the exception of my parents I wouldn’t work for any family member for free. It seems to be a recipe for disaster every time people do that.
It benefits HIS kids too. I see literally not reason why you should be made about that. Like it or not she is his kids mother. Helping her is helping the kids. Jealousy isn’t pretty.
Personally I’m the exact opposite I’d be angry if my boyfriend wanted to charge his ex wife for helping her out like that.
It sounds like this is not about the financials - it is about feeling not entirely secure in your relationship? Like it or not, he loved her and had children with her. He should be setting a fine example for his children on how to treat their spouses - and that exes can still have healthy, supportive relationships when not actively together. As should you- all of your children are watching and learning. Take a respectful, supportive high road.
She needs to pay like everyone else. I’m a child in a blended family and my dad (stepdad) not only charges his ex wife for any work he does for her, she OFFERS to pay and pays him whatever he quotes her. Now, does he charge her a little less? Sure, which is fine. They have two kids together as well. But, free labor and parts is BS, especially when she just blew through thousands of dollars.
All of you talking about hed be doing it for his kids bc they live there half the time, she HAS a functioning tank. She wants to UPGRADE, after making extravagant purchases, but wants him to do it all, for free. I could understand if she were struggling, but she apparently is not. He has a business, and if he did everything for free, how can he keep his business functioning? Its a hard no for me. Helping is one thing. But wants and needs are two totally different categories. Just my opinion though.
You sound awful, seek help.
If it was actually broken, he could at the least give her a good discount. But the poster says there’s nothing wrong with the existing water heater. She just wants to change it. Therefore she can pay full price!
It would be nice if she paid but this is not a hill to die on. Who does the scheduling for the business? He should schedule as he has availability
If there is nothing wrong with her current water heater. I would explain I don’t have either time right now but once thing settle I will be out. That money is there now and she can wait.
my man does a lot for his ex , they have 2 children together.
I don’t always like it but it’s up to him how he navigates that relationship
it goes the same for me and my ex
assuming you trust your husband, this should be his decision.
Politely say your peace and respect his decision
Honestly, I don’t think it really matters how you feel about it. How does your husband feel about it?
That is a perk she had while they were still married. They are no longer married, so she no longer gets the perks and she has to realize that And to everyone who says it would be for the kids, that is the biggest pile of shit I have ever heard 
The current tank is working fine. She is just an entitled ex wife trying to get whatever she still can out of him.