My husbands family demands we spend Sundays with them: Advice?

Every Sunday, as a “ law, “ we have to spend the day with my husband’s parents and relatives. I’m getting stressed out about that because I would like to spend at least a Sunday at home with my husband and son as a family and have fun. I talked to my husband about this, but I don’t think he pays attention to my concerns. Also, he keeps making plans without asking me first, like inviting over his family at our house with no notice. Am I overreacting or should I be mad about it?

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Maybe you could suggest going each fortnight instead

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You run your life not them…

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Your not over reacting at all. What would happen if you chose to stay home for once??

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I’m assuming this is something that has been going on for a while because it sounds like the family tradition to be together every Sunday. Maybe if you say that we will not be spending 1 or 2 Sundays a month with the family so we can do our own thing they can get used to getting in the habit of not expecting you. Most likely you married into a family that was already functioning this way you may have to slowly wean them off of the habits of feeling like they are entitled to your time as much

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pack the kid(s), make reservations, and if husband wants to go, he’s welcome to get in the car when you’re ready to drive away. If he invited his family, then he can cancel them, leave them hanging in your front yard while you’re at the restaurant, or stay home and entertain them with his own cooking and cleaning up after. If you don’t want to be with them, tell him so and then act on it. If you choose to continue your doormat status, don’t be surprised when everyone else wipes their boots on you.

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Nope your not overreacting. You should give him a dose of his own medicine with your family or friends :joy: guaranteed he won’t like it very much

I let myself be dragged to occasions that I didn’t want to attend and allowed myself to be angry and resentful. No more, I stay home when I want to

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When they come over stay in your room n tell them u not feeling well :grin::grin::grin:

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Let him go if he wants! You can make that YOUR day. Agree to come say once a month.

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firts no one demands you a *** they can ask you nicely if u can would and love to spend with those ***

Your husband is a mommy’s boy. He cares more for his family Than for the family you are forming. His apparent ignoring of your concerns proves he will not change and this is disrespectful. To you and your family . This “ law” of being with his family every Sunday is good gift the kidz but not for you. The original intent illustrates in Genesis 2:24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother , and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh . Recommend marital counseling and bring the matter to the light. It may mean that you exercise the idea of not going. What is he going to do?? Do not go. He goes alone !! Let those whom you trust knownif your situation and have your support. Simply make the decisions not to go . If he will not listen to you , do not go. You says he invites his family without consulting you . Let them know they are not welcome at that time . It may mean filing for divorce , get your ducks in order. If he cares more for his family than you then leave him to them . Be willing to take a stand and speak your mind.

… I’d laugh and carry on with my family. They can make the suggestion…but I don’t have to follow.

If your husband wants to spend time with.his family let.him u.personally don’t feel.its necessary.to spend every.single sunday.with them tell him no I’m not up To going.id like to stay.home tonight.let.him go your.not stopping.him make this an alimatem good luck

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Confront them call a Sunday meeting and tell them how you feel the sooner the better dont forget you also got rights as you are the CEO of the house my wife always pulls the CEO thing on me😂

Demand? Its Law?? Don’t think so!! You are an adult…Compromise with him. There is a whole control thing going on there. Better stand up for yourself now or they will continue…

Next sunday, go over there and curl into the nearest bed. Doing this enough let’s everyone know your feelings.

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Don’t continue this pattern if it’s not something you want to do. This happened to me and eventually I was expected to be with them on EVERY occasion. My In laws would not let their grown married children have a life… my husband kissed their ass and neglected my wants and needs to please his Momma… thus he is a spoiled little narc…yuk

I can see this from your partners families side, as a child we spent every Sunday at nanas house, we would always have lunch and sometimes we would even stay into dinner. They were the best memories of my childhood to be honest. BUT I also see it from your side as it can be bloody exhausting going out. I agree with others, try to discuss the option of only doing it once a month, but don’t take it away completely.

Nope you’ve got every right to be upset !! First off it’s both your home and should be respected /consideration plans of company over !!! Secondly I’d make perfectly clear if he’s not listening about going to in laws Every weekend NO do not get in car NO don’t get children ready to go anywhere Sunday ! If you’ve asked him to not do this every weekend it’s time to let him know you’re not including yourself anymore !!!

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Try to bargain it to every other Sunday

In order to do Sunday at his family’s house what do you forego at home to do it…AS IN …do you spend Saturday as your new Sunday with your family…if not, do it. Does the house go without cleaning or laundry not done…tell the hubby that HE needs to help in order to go. If this doesn’t wake him up …make sure no yard work or anything else comes between you and him on Saturday…it’s family day! When he gets that things get re-arranged to do a day with his family OR he’s unwilling to do Saturday…it’s time to disappear when his family comes over because he invites them…let him play hostess. He will get the message loud and clear. Do the same in return…invite your family without his knowledge and then take off without a word…it really is no different. Leave the son home for dad to care for, he’ll stop real soon.

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He’s not being fair ,this is a one sided situation. If they come over without your notice ,walk out with the child and come back 5 hrs later ,dont you put up with a controlling husband & controlling in laws .that bs .get out if it keeps up .

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I have went though for year the same…each year worse the in laws cause friction and trouble making…many gossip of guessments…(lies).

I stopped going when my side all passed away…

I w ont be going this year I made it clear this year…i said he could go I won’t stop him…but he s seen enough now and is tired of the drama…we are eating at our home…this year and in quiet

I would sit him down and explain… If he DONT listen just don’t go…

Nope that is controlling behavior… look up Kathy Parker if you want some soul searching advice. It is your decision Sweetheart! Not Happy you should try and have that conversation, if he does not listen then there is a narcissistic problem.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1544426112365883&id=620930518048785

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In some cultures that is traditional. But if it’s not your culture it can get annoying. Have a talk with your husband and explain to him that you prefer to spend time with your immediate family first and then relatives. Or that you feel that you and he need more couple time.

We did that when my husband and I got our own place, Trust me when I say you will miss that one day, We lost all his family here his mom, Dad and younger brother now it’s just us two and I’m glad we spent every Sunday with them and more because we would stop by during the week!!! It’s about family

That’s rude just go out without him and enjoy your family

He isn’t married to his family

Next time he invites his family over, without discussing it with you, go out, just before they are due. If he can make plans without discussion, so can you.
He invited them over, he can entertain them.

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He can go all he wants but it’s not necessary to drag you along.

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There has to be a balance. First off, he IS proud if you and wants you to share his family which is obviously important to him. Second, he isnt listening to you. Sit him down specifically to talk. Tell him why its bothering you and work out a compromise.

Just don’t go. Very simple

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Guess he doesn’t care about your feelings, why should you care about his? Time to make some changes!

It’s his family, why is it a big deal? I d just set time limits! Visit for an hr or two and done.

You are a family now.You have a home too.Yes we will come some Sundays but we will let you know ahead of time like the Saturday. No it is out of place .Let your husband know of the aforementioned. If he doesnt agree he can go but you don’t have to.Not all the time.Can’t be programming people like that .He can even go altogether.
He can invite them but if it was not discussed they will be coming to him not me. I would live in the locked bedroom or have somewhere to go

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Sit down sometime to discuss this when neither of you are worked up about it. Have a calm, honest discussion. Maybe every other Sunday is a good compromise. Work something out. There is a solution to every problem.

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If it’s a tradition in their family they’ve been living with 4ever get used to living with it

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Or kick Rocks it’s obviously a tradition you need to learn to respect

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And don’t expect him to just throw it away because you came along

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You did not know of this before you got married?

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Nobody demands ya time Sunday can b ya own rest & relax day with ya immediate fam or who u chose to b in the comfort of ya own home. Stop letting “the fam” dictate to u

Your not over acting .Your in a rut and it’s getting old . Ask your hub and not to plain things without asking you first . That’s done out of respect of the other person feeling . You might want to do something different. You come up with something different and plain it in advance. Tell him even though you love his family that maybe you two or your family can do something this Sunday. Mix it up. Your feelings matter too.

It’s call respecting the other person feelings.Speak up because he can’t read your mind. Learned through experience. Hope this helps.

Use your brain for a change and do you!!!

Isn’t it what you signed up for if its something they do he valued you enough to say she is with me n my family n Sunday’s she comes to . Lucky you the family hasn’t said don’t bring her

If talking to him doesn’t work, i would get up bright and early and get my son and i ready and leave the house without him. Have a mom and son day.

Roll a fatty and smoke before or on the way over. You’ll be high and won’t care. Only in-law I gotta worry about is the brother. Recently found out he’s the reason behind my missing clothes…yeah I’m creeped out too… Him no come over And no more laundry. He can stay dirty for all I care.

Huh???
You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to
Let him go by himself if you don’t want to go & as far as him inviting them over without consulting you, leave when they get there
They’ll eventually get the hint

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My ex did that and no matter what you say will not stop it . It’s their family dynamic . It’s very rude & I feel for you . They are a dysfunctional family . Add that to many other reasons why he’s my EX

We did that while my Mother in law was alive and since she’s been gone ( 2001) we don’t and now I miss that closeness with the rest of the family!

I feel like your husband’s name is Raymond and his brothers name is Robert

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You need to establish your own family time. I did this for 18 miserable years and then he divorced me! Talk about wasted time. Our family never developed into a family, because he was determined to stay a mama’s boy. I respect tradition, but I should have set boundaries!

ya not good situation. you REALLY need to speak to him and TELL him how u feel. and that u and your son will not be going every sunday, but maybe once a month, and if hewouldlikethefamily over that it would be nice if he would soeak to u first, because u may already have plans for your family thst night, ornit enough food for everyone, and maybe suggest some counceling gor u two… good luck.

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Growing up we went to my grand parents every sunday for dinner. My aunts n uncles were there with their children. I miss those days now. I miss seeing my grandpa at the stove making dinner and having my grand mother and aunts n uncles come home after church for dinner. We would go to church with my aunt on my fathers side every sunday then dinner at my moms parents. I miss my grandpa sneaking us kids some black jack gum to hold us off til dinner. I m8ss my cousins and the time we spent together. I grew up with family ties that have lasted my whole life.

If he continues to make plans without asking you, then next time make your own plans. If you do not want to go then do not go.

His family is your family and life is short spend time with loved ones as much as you can embrace and treasure the beautiful memories and it is a wonderful benefit for your child to have a loving extended family

Id be pissed. Yall are one flesh now. He needs to get it together

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I had to endure the same thing, but his family died out and then we had all his attention. Some men just find it hard to leave home.

Speak up & tell them We are not spending every Sunday with you . I will let you know what Sunday will be coming !!! Just get right to it & that’s that !!!

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your husband needs to be more considerate and show that he loves you and son.

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I don’t think I’d be mad. I’d try to realize how important family time is for him. And I’ve found that with my husband, if I casually slip a complaint into a conversation…it goes unnoticed. I have to come right out and say, “Listen I have something that’s upsetting me and I wanted to know if you have a few minutes to talk about it and try to work it out.” All people are different but if I come at him confrontational, he gets defensive and nothing gets solved. Maybe try to explain that you value family time as much as he does but that’s its so important to just have some time with your immediate family. (You, your husband, and son.) And you love spending time with his parents too but if it were up to you, you’d rather it not be every single weekend. Maybe every other weekend. Also, explain why it’s so important that you make decisions together! Suggest a compromise so that everyone’s happy!! That’s how I would begin to handle it. To me, that time with the grandparents is important so I would still make it a priority and not ask to completely stop doing it. But that’s just me! Good luck!!

Being angry is not the way to handle it. The next time you are together ask them to listen to your concerns. I would start out that you do enjoy spending Sunday’s with them but you also would like some time with your family and ask for advice on how to balance it out so nobody’s feelings get hurt. Spending every Sunday the whole day is a little much maybe suggest a quick breakfast to touch base then go on with your Sunday. Personally I don’t like having to feel like I have to go anywhere after working all week. Your husband needs to support you also unless this is something he wants every Sunday. I would think he would rather just enjoy a day not obligated to go anywhere either. Maybe pick up the phone and touch base during the week letting them know they still mean a lot to you. Hopefully they will be understanding but your husband must stand by you.

Bs…i agree once in a while ok…but now yoir family co.es forst and whatever works for u is ok…ypu have the right and sanity lol to be at your home on weekends…thats crazy!! Man…:flushed:

Sounds like a leave and cleave issue. You need to make your husband pay attention to you, at a time extended family is not around, and demand you both set boundaries you can both be happy with.

I love my family, but they used to come over uninvited and we are always busy with extracurricular activities, etc. I hated it and my hubby would not say anything. So, I started leaving the second they arrived. It immediately stopped.

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You’re not over reacting but you should not get angry or upset about it. They are only doing what you’re allowing them to do including your husband. You need down sit your husband down and make him understand how you feel.

It is not unreasonable that you would like to stay home on some Sundays and enjoy your family. Both you and your husband have to be on the same page or it will cause friction in your marriage.

It’s extremely important that you speak up now. Please prepare yourself, just in case your husband does not agree. There’s always a way to compromise. Maybe your family can go to the in-laws home half of the day on Sunday or every other Sunday. I hope that things work out for you.