Please post anonymously. My husband & I have been married for 30 years. He’s a great guy! The problem is his Mom & Sister really loved his high school sweetheart. His relationship with " Wanda" ended badly, when he caught her cheating. His Mom & Sister let me know before our wedding how much they loved her & how he should be marrying her. I thought in time they would accept me, but that didn’t happen. The last 30 years my relationship with them hasn’t been what I had hoped for, from them interfering in our marriage & also how our children were raised. Over the years they would keep my husband updated on “Wanda” & at one point his Mom suggested he give “Wanda” another chance. He has never acted interested in the updates, telling me he doesn’t know why they think he would be interested. He has had no contact with his ex in 35 years. So last night his sister text him to let him know “Wanda” passed away. He showed no emotion about it. His Mom & Sister plan on attending the funeral & think my husband should too. I know the days to come will be filled with them updating him on arrangements. I have no issue with him going, if that’s what he wants to do. But Wanda was married, they have a family together. I’m not sure how they would feel. I’ve ignored it for 30 years, but it’s kinda hard not to take it personally. Just keep ignoring it? What should I do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands family have never accepted me - Mamas Uncut
Ignore them don’t let them steal your joy
Ignore them bitter B’s. If your not sleeping with them or birthed them the.mn their opinions mean shit, unless you let them.
Your husband probably knows that letting them carry on is better than an argument.
She’s gone gone now… so what’s their next move 
Good job for him not wanting to go.
He choose you hunny.
After 36 years my mil passed away without ever accepting me. Don’t let them steal your happiness.
He married you, not Wanda. I wouldn’t let their obsession with her steal your joy.
He is probably refusing to go because he chose you and he is continuing to choose you. If he still cared about her he probably would go… but it’s clear that he chose you and is still choosing you dear
There’s something mentally wrong with them 
They’re crazy. Her husband and children probably wouldn’t appreciate that either. I would be taken back to see an ex at my spouses wake.
I probably would have cut them off years ago. If they can’t accept you then you don’t need to deal with them. And if he doesn’t care about going he should tell them why would he go when hasn’t seen her in 35 years, she has a family of her own and she cheated on him? They don’t even sound like they were together that long. Has he ever made it clear to them that he doesn’t care and has no interest in her and to stop bringing her up?
Could you imagine “Wandas” family telling your in-laws where to go after all there’s years?! 
That’s the image I would walk around with in my head and a smile on my face.
Sounds like your mil and sil have no life.
Your husband should have put a stop to that crap 30 years ago. He’s letting them disrespect you and that wouldn’t work for me, let alone for 30 years.
I wouldn’t have spoken to them at all!!! Why??? And would care less if he did want to go because he has shown where his heart and loyalty is and that’s all with you…
I would have to tell them just knock it off and mind there ownbusiness
She cheated on him, that leaves a big wound that can often not be forgiven. Trust is a wiggly-ass bridge after something like that.
He loves you, and that’s so sad for your inlaws’ loss, but at least it’s behind you now
She is dead… How could this bother you or could is steal anything now??? If he wants to go, I say let him go. It’s not like she is gonna magically spring to life and create a issue anymore…v
I would show up with him to her funeral just to piss them off
Why have you dealt with them for so long, and why does your husband let them act that way towards you?
. I would be cutting them off and they would never have had a relationship with my children.
Wow so sorry your inlaws are so heartless. Ugh try to ignore them. It seems to me your husband doesn’t let it bother him either. Hugs.
His family needs to shit and get off the pot! Pardon the language but I would have gave up on something like that 4 months later not almost 40 years. Dude that’s some peoples life span
They sound like a pack of psychos. What in F is wrong with these men and them not standing up to their family when they are bullying their spouses like come on onnnn. For one Girl, that should be your first red flag… why is this man not telling this childish women to shut their mouths and respect you. He should have shut it down from the beginning!!!
30 years… Ain’t nothing gonna change now plus Wanda is gone now
Keep your distance from these shitty inlaws
You’re a saint for not going off on them. CUT THEM OFF ! Explain to husband you’ve had enough of their nasty behavior and enough is enough. He should see how they treat you and maybe this will change their ways. If you know they’re coming over , get your kids and go out. To the park , a friends etc. I would speak to your husband and question why he doesn’t defend you.
You’re husband should of dealt with his family 30 years ago
Cut them off or tell them how u feel about the situation
That’s weird. They were teenagers. She cheated on him. How good of a person could she have been for him if she treated him like that?
If he wants to go then go with him or just let him go however don’t force it. When it comes to his family he needs to put his foot down and you need to cut all contact with them to
Blame your husband for not setting them straight!
Do nothing… Let him deal with the Wanda lovers
Why would you encourage him to go to a funeral for someone he has showed no interest in the last 35 years? From what you said it’s your in-laws that are obsessed with her not your husband. To add their behavior was nothing you needed to or need to accept. It’s actually disrespectful and the fact that you’re entertaining it says you’ve been worn down to the point your numb to the disregard for your marriage and your feelings. It’s a wonder they haven’t been cut off for this behavior.
I would go and be like hey yup I’m his wife
Sorry to hear this. That’s why my late husband and I moved 3,000 miles from his home and 2,000 miles from mine --that way no family interference.
Your hubbyis needs to grow up and tell them to knock it off.
He choose you honey. Don’t let them disturb your peace. Move states…it’s the best lol
I would lose my shit on them. 30 years? Yeah it’s time.
If your husband is not worried about it you don’t either and he needs to put them in their place
Your husband should tell them to shut up and leave him alone, they are ridiculous…30 freaking years?! I would never speak to them again, they aren’t worth your time.
I would just keep doing what you have been doing for 30 years. I’m sorry to “Wanda’s” family but maybe now your MIL and SIL will give you a fair chance…since there is no longer a chance for their son/brother to be with “Wanda”. Ride it out and let it lie.
My husband’s family doesn’t like me either. I really don’t care. He and I love each other. As for the family updating him on Wanda, those updates will end soon.
That’s fkn weird. Now that she has passed. I’d be done with his family♥️. Watch …don’t be accepted by them now and he shouldn’t go. He needs to speak up to his family.
Listen his mother and sister has nothing better to do then start shit
Do you , you have been married for 30 years. He needs to tell them to stop. But always remember, you are the better person then they are
Just keep your head up high .
You are doing something right. I went through the same thing.
Hes veen by your side for 30+ years I’d let the family go and just not bring it up again. If he wants to go let him but there it doesn’t sound like he’s particularly bothered by it
It sounds like your husband and Wanda moved on his family didn’t. And honestly, that’s pretty pathetic to be them. I agree he should stand up to his mom and sister, then they may move on to different drama. I wouldn’t give either of them the time of day .
He should’ve told them to knock it off long ago. They took his inaction as permission to keep going. It’s gross and rude that they did that. Idk how you kept contact with them after they’ve disrespected your family unit over and over.
Send flowers from you and your husband and call it a day
Who cares what they think. It’s what your husband thinks that matters
My family has never accepted my husband we’ve been married for 15 years. And when my mom was terminal she befriended and started accepting my husband. He has cut them off, he kept the kids away.
You said nothing at the time why ask us to help you 30 years later
I’d roll my eyes at those 2 hags and carry on
Ride it out! If she has passed away the updates will end soon. My deepest condolences to the family though, its always hard losing someone you love…
Hang in there!!
Well……the updates will stop now!
Tell them you nor your husband will attend. If you’re husband won’t say anything then you should. If they don’t like it oh well.
Ignore it they are stupid trouble makers.
Let it go. He should go a d you could go too
I would have told them to F off 25 years ago
I would go on a weekend get away/mini vacay. And ignore them. And when your back tell them how wonderful your time was!
He chose you and now she is dead so you have nothing to worry about.
Sounds like your husband of 30 years should have put his foot down 30 years ago
Really hard to believe any of these posts are for real anymore 
I would ignore their comment’s and if he doesn’t want to go let him tell them. I would not have anything to say to them.
Your in-laws are terrible for treating you that way. Your husband should have put his foot down with them a long time ago
I would have put those two hags in their place 30 yrs ago! If my hubby couldn’t do it, I sure as heck could have! Speak up lady, since your husband can’t! Should have been done years ago!
I don’t understand why a Mom would support someone who broke her child’s heart. They sound like they are jealous. You are doing the right thing. If he says he’s not interested a d he said he doesn’t want to go then you should listen to him and go in with your life. He’s showing no emotion about it because he had 5 yrs to get over it before he met you. If you push it like them he may become frustrated and just go to quiet everyone. Don’t do that. He sounds like a grounded man who knows he is blessed. I too have been married 30 yrs. That’s a long time . I think it’s funny that for 30 yrs they have not been able to sway him from you. That alone should give you confidence if his loyalty and love. Ignore them. Enjoy your time with you love and those future grandbabies. Take a deep breath and set up a candle light dinner for 2. Enjoy. God bless.
Maybe at least the mom and sister will move on now and stop bringing her up. That’s so disrespectful and honestly I would be pissed if my partner let that happen to me for 30 years! He should have shot that down long ago. On the funeral, I think I would feel weird going to a high school sweethearts funeral if I hadn’t talked to or seen them since high school, it’s kinda weird. But if he wants to go to pay his respects for someone who was once special in his life I would go with to pay my respects as well.
I feel like my daughter tina
Your husband needs to address this with his family. You should let it go.
Hi the funeral with him
Wow, uh if anything his mom should hv been pissed at her for cheating on her son, shoot if i heard someone cheated on one of my girls they are on my shi* list for all time, i would hv nothing to do with them period. Ur husband should hv told them to knock it off 30 years ago, smh. Anyway now she has passed away, let him choose what he wants to do. Hopefully now they will get over themselves if not ur hubby needs to say back off now or cut them loose. My opinion
You and your husband would both do well to ignore them and let them go onto the funeral by themselves.Yes He should have put them in their place long ago, although I doubt it would’ve done much good. They just sound like very petty people. Congratulations on 30 years.
Your in laws are d*cks.
He’s choosing you every day, all day. Good guy:) You’re a good woman. Agreed that it may not be appropriate to attend her services. Send a card? Keep loving your guy and ignore the interference
Mama and sister ain’t shyt… It was up to your husband to handle this… but he didn’t… don’t force a relationship with them 
em
Keep on ignoring it. It is your husband’s family and his to deal with. Not everyone is loved by their in-laws
Sounds like my monster in Law. She is still in contact with my husband’s ex. We’ve also been together for 30 years. She has been a thorn in my side for a very long time. After 15 years we finally moved out of the same town as her. She’s lied to my husband for years and when she was finally caught… it was MY fault. Ugh. She’s nuts!!
At this point just let it go!!
The mother and daughter are losers. Personally id be cordial. Spend holidays but avoid them as much as possible.
Maybe do indirect role reversals. Like if there are other grandparents or aunts. How the kids " settle" for them.
Well first off, to hell with them. Don’t stress yourself trying to force a relationship with them. Not everyone is loved by their in-laws and it’s okay. As long as your husband loves you and has been with you throughout all these years who cares what they have to say.
Oh honey. It’s been 30 years. What you need to do is stop allowing them to treat you this way. People only treat you how you allow them too. I would have cut them out of my life a LONG time ago. Toxic is toxic 
let your husband make his own decisions. You’ve been together for 30 years and raised a family together. It’s pretty obvious he chose you 
I am so sorry that you have idoits for in laws!
Wow, talk about in-laws from hell. And yes, he should have put them in thier places long time ago. But maybe now they can get over themselves and leave you and your husband alone. If not, you and your husband should cut them out of your lives. No way should they be interfering with your marriage.
30 years?!?!!! Ma’am you ARE a Saint!!!
Well I’d say back to them that at least you’ll be faithful to him unlike her …
I would have had your husband talk to them and put a stop to this from the beginning. I’d ask now, but if he won’t do it you should confront them yourself. I’d ask them why they think he should have stayed with a cheater, what they’d say to her husband and children, and ask why they are obsessed with “Wanda,” and why they think your husband would have changed his mind after THIRTY YEARS!!
I’d let them know this isn’t just insulting to you, but to their son/brother. How are THEIR marriages and families, and how would they like it if you meddled in their affairs this way, telling their spouses to leave them for someone else. Try to be as calm and serious as you can and avoid yelling. Practice a lot first and anticipate their reactions and protestations and have your answers ready.
See if you can get them into a hobby—have the animal shelter, the homeowner’s association, the little theater, the local politicians, sports teams/clubs, Boys and Girls Clubs, religious institutions, etc. reach out to them and get them to volunteer, or get them involved in SOMETHING more productive than meddling in your lives.
Maybe give them the gift of classes in something each would enjoy for the next occasion: a foreign language, cooking, flower arranging, kickboxing, tennis or pickleball, medieval history, painting, violin lessons, motorcycling, financial planning—whatever would engage them individually or together. Then they’d have something else to focus on and talk about.
30 years?! Tell them right off. Wow
Keep ignoring it, you’ve done a great job so far!
Ask your husband to “man up” and set his family straight about him and you in a nice enough way that won’t irritate them enough that they wouldn’t take it out on you!!!
I can understand if he wanted to go, just to pay his respects but your in laws sound terrible, 30 years is a long time for you to have to put up with that
If you have manage to be the “bigger person” for 30 years, do it one more time. Tell him that as an old friend he should attend the funeral and offer to go with him. That should show the mother and sister that in the end you won or at at least one upped them.
My mother in law didn’t care much for me always pretending to always like me but then always tried to start trouble .but I never let it get too me .it was her loss not mine
30 years??? Girl I would’ve cussed their a**es out 29 years, 11 months, and 2 weeks ago. They’re not only disrespecting you but they’re disrespecting him. This chick CHEATED on him and that’s why he broke up with her. I can’t help but think his mother and sister have loose morals themselves to even want him to go back down that road. As a matter of fact, it seems like your in laws are in that relationship by themselves because even the ex moved on and got married.
Your husband family is very inappropriate. I would not entertain a thought about it. Go on with life. Don’t bring it up. Don’t comment. His family will probably visit the gravesite and keep carrying on. They must not have enough to do and are odd. Follow your husband’s ideas on the ex, if he doesn’t care, neither should you. Avoid his family, they are toxic.
It seems you’ve always taken the higher road, continue to do so. Don’t let this get to you, that’s what they want. They’ll realize one day how awful they’ve been to you.
Stand your ground, don’t have nothing to do with them. Pay backs a bitch
This should have been dealt with years n years ago. Too late now, she’s dead.
If your husband shows no emotion then leave it. Just ask your husband but, let him know that if he wants to attend then, he can. I don’t know what their relationship was like but, I will always be there for my past friends and friends I grew up with unless they really did me wrong.
I would go to the Funeral Home looking like a FOX just to spite them…RIP Wanda 
And if the Mom/Sister make any inappropriate comments while there, feel free to say “That’s very inappropriate for you to say that in a time like this, leave your personal opinions out of a family’s time of grieving, it’s disrespectful and tacky”
I bet their jaws would drop to the floor and they would be fuming.
Well all I can say if they bring her up now after the funeral is over. Tell them to go jump in the river or worse. Don’t ever talk to them again…
30 years! Don’t you think it’s time your husband stands up for you?!