Hi. I have a question that I would like to stay anonymous. I’m 24, 25 in a few months. I’ve been with my husband for 3 1/2 years, only been married since June. He has a 5 year old boy that I have always claimed as my own since the day I came into their lives. We have a 2 year old together. I love both of my boys with my entire heart. My problem is, is that certain people in his family favor my bonus son over my biological son. For example, my husbands dad has never bought my 2 year old anything since he’s been born, but he has bought my 5 year old a trampoline, toys upon toys, a dune buggy power wheel, a four wheeler, and a bunch of other stuff. My husbands grandma does the same thing, she favors and babies my 5 year old but doesn’t my 2 year old. I’m not sure if it’s an age gap thing? Because it’s been going on since I had my son. She likes to go to thrift stores a lot but she’s always buying my 5 year old stuff but never my 2 year old. She buys my 5 year old candy and and new clothes and toys while my 2 year old gets left out. Me my husband our two boys and his grandmother all live together, but she is moving out soon and she’s constantly yelling at my 2 year old but letting my 5 year old get away with everything. Everytime I stand up and say something it turns into a fight with her and my husband does not want to listen to it or put a stop to it. I know my 2 year old is too young to understand right now but soon enough he’s going to start wondering why his big brother keeps getting favored over him. I’m at my wits end with it. I just cannot emotionally handle or deal with it any longer. I’m a stay at home mom my 5 year old is now in kindergarten so it’s just me my son and her during the day. Leaving isn’t much of an option when you have no money and no job. I love both of my boys but I cannot handle my 5 year old being favored over my 2 year old, it’s unfair and very wrong for my 2 year old. It’s breaking my heart for him. I need help, what do I do???
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands family plays favorites with our kids: Advice?
You can’t force anyone to spoil your children or to like them more for whatever reasons their are. Just accept it is what it is maybe they will come around later but if not that’s their loss. I have a lot of family who don’t spoil my children or hang out with them or call every day for them and it’s their loss least the kids have you.
Talk to your husband, this should upset him as much as it does you. Maybe you can talk to his family together. Good luck!
Wow please be their for your 2 ye old stand up for him when no1 else is willing to that’s disgusting x
That just sucks. If I were you I would set boundaries. Like don’t bring one kid something and not the other. Don’t buy anything for them period of that’s how it’s going to be. Be your son voice. Tell them how you feel and what you are seeing is not fair to the younger brother and you won’t allow it anymore. You are mom. Period.
First of all maybe it’s time YOU get a job, save up and move tf out. Is your 2yr old not his child? Like I can’t comprehend that they buy the 5yrold stuff and not the 2yr old…
Or maybeee have a sit down with that husband of urs and tell him wtf is going on. I’d be beyond pisswd
Maybe they’re trying to make up for the fact that the 5 year old is growing up without both of his parents at home and your child has both parents at home.
Yeah, squash that behavior before it becomes a problem. Your 2nd child will notice and it will end badly.
If your husband won’t, put your foot down. They bring nothing to your home. Whatever they buy stays at their house. If they can’t treat them the same, they aren’t welcome at your home. If they don’t want to play fair, don’t allow your child over there. When they bring stud over, trash it. Oh I so would to make my point.
Thankfully my husband went off on his family and they got the message but not all men see the problem. Thankfully my husband refused to let our kids be treated differently bc he knew I was going to go off. Nobody treats a child like less than in front of me and I stay quiet.
Cut the toxic family out. Tbt my fiance’s family is the same damn way. They will take my 9 year old bonus son (his mom isn’t in the picture at all, so I’m his Mom) and they consistently leave out our autistic 5 year old daughter. We have offered them multiple opportunities to come over to our house and get to know our 5 year old better, so she and they can become more familiar with each other etc, but she’s ALWAYS left out. They’ll ask to pick up the 9 year old to make gingerbread houses, and our 5 year old just doesn’t exist to them. Their loss.
I would just be up front about it and tell them how u feel that they treat your boys different may be mention it to ur husband since its his family let him or them how it makes u feel. Just be honest with them and let them know how ur feeling. Can’t fix a problem til u bring it up
You need to tell your husband to have your back!! That is completely wrong!! The fact he doesn’t say anything is ridiculous! That’s his kid too!! Im so sorry for your situation I know it must really hurt. It beautiful that you took his son under your wing, and considered him your baby!! But apparently your husband’s family doesn’t have that same heart. … I’m glad you stand up to his grandmother! Keep doing that! Your son will remember that you always stood for him. However girl, get your husband on the same page!! His behavior doesn’t make sense
I deal with this as well. My husbands mom favors my bonus son sooo much more than my two kids that I share with my husband. Only difference is my husband does not approve of it and is severely pissed off about the way our family is being treated aside from my bonus son. My husbands brother is favored of the two, and his kids and my bonus son is favored over my kids. I no longer am speaking to her right now for how she is treating me and my kids when we haven’t done anything to deserve it. My husband knows why she is upset with him but he is more upset with her for her taking it out on me and the boys for no reason
Does your husband say anything at all? If not I would give them back the stuff and say if this isn’t for both boys then they can have it back.
I would buy the 2 year old something and not the 5 year old… let them bring it up on there own… keep playing the difference bc your child will know you are loving them fairly…
My daughter first born granddaughter both mom and dad side of family first girl in 3 generations from dads end…
She is spoiled.
My son… just as special and important as her to me…
Moms fix things for kids when they can’t do it themselves…
Try again talking to your SIgnificant other
I would not tolerate this… simply stop taking the things they give the older child. If they hand it to the child take it right back and give it back and let them know that until they start including the younger child that you will not be accepting any gifts, clothes, or candy for the other child. And that’s how you handle it.
Who cares. Don’t bring them around them then
Tell her that your two year old is to be treated the same. Tell them it is not fair to be constantly buying him gifts and not the younger one. Maybe they don’t notice they are doing it. Make it a point to politely and calmly Tell them without emotion as to avoid a fight. “I don’t know if you guys noticed but our oldest is always receiving gifts and treats and our youngest isn’t. He is getting older and it is starting to upset him. Can you be mindful of this and if you decide to get one of the boys something then grab something for the other as well. Thank you”
No no you don’t need to leave your husband. As for your child, toys are not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Try to feel better
Where is the 5 year old mum, it doesn’t seem that she’s she’s around, so the family are trying to replace a feeling, you’re child has both birth parents
I’m curious why husband isn’t interested in the situation…
Talk to the grandparents not Facebook
My MIL did this. Told her not to come around without something for both kids or dont bother coming around. Your husband needs to stand up to his parents as well. Both be on a united front. It is not right to play favorites with kids. It causes issues where one kid starts hating the other.
I’d just put everything in the closet and divide the toys when it’s appropriate. As for your husband maybe he’s at a loss of what to say. I’d take it directly from the kids hands and say. That’s for you and your brother to share later.
It’s than likely cause the parents are split , my mum was the same she favoured my youngest son over the other 5 as his bio donor was never around he was her favourite and she openly told me why he was , not that she didn’t love they others cause she did very much so , but he was her favourite
This is a tough situation. Unfortunately you cannot force people to do things for your kids… not that I am directly in the same situation but have some similarities… what I find works is spending time with the 2 yr even if that means taking them out for a treat like ice cream or something… then again it is not you who is spoiling the other child so then it looks like you favor one over the other… I’m so sorry you are having to try and figure out the balance because it is extremely hard… just remember it is not the older child’s fault and don’t hold it against them… I would definitely recommend speaking with your husband as well. Sending hugs
My stance on this has changed with age… I used to say that you should treat all kids the same no matter what, however I can look back at my own childhood and I think I have three siblings two sisters and one brother (we all have the same mom different dads but all grew up in the same house.) in all reality I have four siblings I have another half sister and we have different moms. But I don’t talk to her I don’t spend any time with her, honestly I know very little about her as she does me… the point is you can’t make people like you or your kids…. It’s our jobs as parents to take care of our kids and make sure they feel love and get attention, no one else’s. I know most of my family and my in laws like my son because he’s one of the only boys, I have friends who only invite the girls because they like the girls better. then do not have to include all my children as long as I do as their mom.
Talk with husband. Set boundaries if . They’re not followed. Husband does nothing…
Goodbye. I couldnt have bared to let my son see his sister being spoiled and loved and constantly wanted but a person want nothing to do with my son? Made no sense to me. Boundaries were crossed. No MIL in picture at all.
Be straight up with him them I don’t put up with nobody s**t my kids are my world an I’m gonna protect them stand up for your baby your the only 1 who can protect him
Tell her point blank that going forward what she does for one she does for the other or neither one at all . And stick to it .
I swear the favoritism crap is the worse!!!
And smh on those who hopped in here to be rude and gave 0 advice
Do us a favor next time and scroll on by.
Speak to your husband and in-laws
Just to play devils advocate, maybe its more to do with it being easier to buy for 5 year olds and be around them than a 2 year old. You can do a lot with both but maybe they just prefer the older kid who understands things better. I also don’t know how their relationship was before the 2 year old was born, they may have been a lot closer? It would be nice if you all sat down and talked about it but everyone will probably deny anything negative.
Sounds like the 5 year old may be being favored since he doesn’t have his mom and they are trying to overcompensate for it
You tell them matter of factly what they are doing and how detrimental it is to BOTH boys. Ask them why they don’t like the youngest. Make them uncomfortable, but don’t allow them to drag you into fighting about it.
At first I was thinking maybe overcompensating for the oldest not having his bio mom (which kids don’t need anyway), but I don’t think that’s it.
They don’t like you and taking it out on the baby!!! Live your life and take care of your baby and stop worrying abt that drama or it will drive you crazy
It’s so hurtful when this happens, especially when the other child notices
Happened to me 43 years ago. My daughter was 11 months old when I married my husband. 4 year’s later we had a daughter. My mom never made a difference but my MIL did until about 2years later and my husband laid her soul to rest. He has always treated my daughter as his own. The bullshit stopped. My husband passed away 4 years ago after 38 years of marriage and before he passed we went and put both girls and our sons name on our stock. You let it be known. If they give to one they give to both or they can keep the stuff at their homes because it wouldn’t come home with me. Both children have zero clue what’s going on. The visitation would stop.
I never understand how anyone can do this to a child, it is so unbelievably wrong.
You tell them you can not accept anything else from them!
Explain to them why!!!
Be honest !!
If you buy for one you buy for all!!!
And if you can’t afford it then no one gets anything!!
Do you coddle your biological child as a baby still or have you let them form a relationship with him yet? Also all the good toys are for older kids and hand me downs is a thing. Perhaps not having the other mom around is causing them to gift love towards the older one. Idk. One thing I would do with any knew gifts that are not for birthdays is an ounce it is for both of them to share I front of everyone. Basically just teach the older one to share and he may be the one to notice and bring it up to the gifters.
Tell your spineless husband to get a back bone,if I read this right your husband is biological father to both boys time he started acting like one and defend his family.Grand parents sound like harridans no child should be differentiated between each other,good job moving out sooner the better try and grit your teeth until that day arrives an make sure invites back are limited if at all until the attitude is addressed and changed,same goes for husband he should treat both children the same,an address the hurt it’s causing you.Good luck
Definitely have a conversation. And it might sound redundant but Mayne turn down some of the 5 years Olds toys to make a point that the 2yr old is getting left out. I think there should be a calm conversation between you and the grandparents and your husband.
Could you possibly say when she buys toys/clothes “Hey…it’s wonderful you buy these things for 5 yr old, but 2 yr old could use some as well.”
I’m sure that won’t go off well, but just an idea.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Glad she is moving out soon. I would fond it hard to keep my mouth shut. Continue sticking up for your child and step in when you need to. You can let her know you don’t like him being yelled at by her and if there is a problem, she can have you address it with the child/2yr old.
I’m sorry! I hope things get better.
Also…maybe marriage counseling w/ hubby?
My ex mil was the same way. I’m currently divorcing her son. But before this, she would favor her sons other child (a child he had during our marriage.) It was honestly irritating and hurtful but she knew what she was doing. These are grown adults and they know full well how they’re making you feel. That being said. I told my ex mil that she would not be considered a grandmother unless she started acting like one. I said she is always welcome to see or send them presents, but she will never have them without me being physically there. She disliked that so much- she doesn’t ever send my babies anything, no calls or visits. She says I’m the one keeping her from her “grand babies.” This is narcissism at its finest. However, she continues to do things for the other child and I’m just so glad that my babies don’t have to be hurt by her ugly behavior. It’s crazy how they choose to act. Let them be and do what you can to protect your babies. You did mention that you consider the oldest as yours. So, you must show him that no one is above another and that favoritism is something no one should tolerate, even if you are the one being favored. Otherwise, he will grow up thinking that he is above your son and that he should be granted more favors. I would refuse the gifts and ask your husband to do the same, unless both children are given a gift. Birthdays are different, for obvious reasons. Also, you need to be the one to voice your feelings and not your husband. They tend to not get the message across clearly, as they don’t want to take sides. Don’t be afraid to express yourself and stand up for your sons. You want them to be treated equally and to understand, that is how everyone should be treated.
I refused to allow that with my kids. Pay no attention to one,you’re not going to to see either of them.
however you can put your foot down and not allow them to buy for one and not the other ones also and start standing the ground with them on this issues I get a 5 year might be easier to buy for but they can buy something age appropriate for the 2 year old also
I thought I had this problem, turns out it was just a maturity thing. My extended family wants to be with a more mature child that they aren’t afraid of getting hurt and hurting mine and my husbands relationship. My biological is autistic and adhd so it took longer for them to be comfortable taking him out, my bonus came out acting like an adult so it was just easier. Communicating is hard sometimes
I know exactly how to put a stop to this … put your food down … Do Not except anything else from them if they are not going to include both kids
It’s only going to continue. My bonus daughter turned 12 this year, and she is the favorite on her dad’s side. Meanwhile I got 4 other kids at home, and they don’t even get a phone call. They know who’s around and who isn’t. They see who favors who. If you don’t like it, put your foot down.
When my parents became grandparents it was law that if they bought for 1 they bought for all.PERIOD.Your other 1/2 needs to drop his BALLS & SPEAK UP
My oldest son was spoiled and favored over my daughter by my ex husbands family and it made my blood boil. I ended up telling them that if they were going to play favorites, our kids wouldn’t be going over there anymore and that my daughter should deserve just as much love, attention, and gifts as my oldest son received. They’ve switched things around so much that now I am feeling like they favor my daughter more. It’s nuts to me but at the end of the day, I’ve realized my kids will grow up and realize who treated them fairly and who didn’t. And the one who is favored never loves being in that position either so I’m sure once he’s old enough to notice, he will stand up for his little brother and say something. I remember my dad taking me to the store every Sunday morning to shop for breakfast stuff and he’d let me pick out a toy or something I wanted and I got tired of it only being me and not being fair to my other three siblings so I just stopped getting something.
Simple solution do not let them gift your 5 year old . If you can’t and won’t buy for both than do not buy for the one . Keep your gift or it goes to the curb . My father in laws did that years ago to my daughter . My husband had a fit and told him you do for all the girls or don’t give to my twins and leave Heather out
leave. get government assistance if you have to. your husband needs to let his balls drop & put a stop to his family’s bullshit. this behavior will not stop. it will eventually drive a wedge between the brothers. tell grandma to kick rocks & take your hubby with her.
What is wrong with your husband that he cannot stand up for his own child???
I would start taking everything they buy the 5 year old, returning it and buy something for each of the boys and tell her she is not being fair and you are done with it. Every time she buys something for one child it’s going back unless she buys something for both. Once in a while is ok if they are both getting something or holidays/birthdays. To buy a random toy for one kid and not the other is just mean. Make them realize they are not getting their way and their grandson is going to eventually resent them for playing favorites. Also it’s your house, and apparently you wear the pants not your husband. Tell the grandmother to get out or don’t let her take only the 5 year old out. Don’t accept anything unless she takes the hint.
Stop allowing the 5 year old to have the gifts they keep buying for him. If it can’t be fair, no one gets anything. But the biggest issue with this that stuck out to me is how your husband doesn’t keep his family in check about respect and equality among BOTH of HIS children. He’s supposed to be that child’s advocate too, not just you. And being it is his family causing problems, he needs to be a man and step up.
That’s shit! Hubby is a asshole for not straighting it out. If you see it then I’m sure your husband does too but obviously doesn’t care. 100 unfair to the 2yo and that baby won’t always be 2yo and is going to realize that one is being treated better than the other… I’d be damned if I let someone push my child to the wayside…
Nope. I think your husband needs to make it clear, if you get for 1 you get for all. We have 4 between us & our families treat them as equals.
Amd if he doesn’t put his foot down, then you have to be moma bear!.
We are the only true advocates for these children. Stay strong, mom! You got this
My MIL plays favorites. I have 3 kids. The oldest 2 are the favorite and my youngest is often not included. I do everything in my power to make sure the youngest is included and things are bought for her. Our oldest son and daughter are the favorites. My youngest is 12 now and since she’s been about 8 she has known she is not favored by her grandma.so she does not go to her house without dad or I and will not stay the night ever because she knows how it feels to be not loved as much as the other two. It breaks my heart and hubby is not happy about how his mom is with the kids. So now the oldest is out on his own almost 25 and the oldest girl see grandma when she drives there. She 17 but our 12 year old when the other 2 see grandma I make a special date her and I go do something fun or I buy her something special to try to take the hurt feelings away. I too know too well how being left out is like as a kid. Hugs and just give your son extra love when this happens. Hugs and well wishes.
I would absolutely not stand for it! Each time they do it refuse the gifts! You and your husband have to be on the same page. He needs to stand up for his boy as well. If not and it continues then you son will definitely grow resentful of his grand parents, father, and brother. I agree with others though keep the peace until she is moved out.
Theirs is a Spanish saying , “my daughters kids Hera they will will be, my sons kids in doubt they will be” MY husband’s family favors the other kids and let’s the door hit my 2 year old daughter in the face as she comes in behind them just a regular door that you push to shut, at Christmas she got a dog toy with the clearance tag still on it for $1, the other grand daughter gets Melissa and dough everything, the grandson gets Nintendo this Nintendo that and 500 dollars in gift cards, my two sons got each coloring book with 3 crayons each … I had enough and moves a couple states over cut them off and we are having a great life , my kids deserve better my kids don’t need that my kids are important and I’m proving it to them by not letting that be in their lives a day longer
One of our family members does this. The only thing I can sum it up to is the age.
Don’t accept any more gifts unless both get equal amounts your 2 yr old already knows tell your husband no wiggle room this what were doing good luck
Ok your son is only 2 yrs old. He doesn’t need a trampoline.nor does he need a lot of candy. Now when your son becomes 5 & your husband family still isn’t buying him anything. Then sit them down and speak to them. In the meantime, relax and enjoy your boys
In order to have a relationship with a child, you must have one with their mother. I would evaluate your relationship with them. It sounds like they don’t like you, I would be curious as to why. Is it something you have done? said? Have you offended them in any way? While it isn’t correct to treat a child indifferently because of an adult relationship, it does create distance & animosity especially during the younger years.
We have this issue with my 10 and 6 year old. Both mine and my husband biologically… his family favors our oldest and not the youngest. I’m not sure why
If you can’t do for both, you will NOT do for one. Stand by it. I did! And for the ones who’s gonna say something…
I am a mother, bonus/step mom and a NaNa. I have 4 children… 2 bio, one from a previous marriage and one from this marriage. I will do for all of them the same… yes I expect my family to treat them the same. If you can’t then you won’t be an unstable mental drain to EITHER of my children.
Girl, I’m so sorry you and your baby have to deal with that bs I will never understand how someone could intentionally leave out a child, blood related or not. IMO, your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up for his child because that is not ok. That shit stays with a kid until they’re an adult. My husband and I go to great lengths to make sure none of our babies feel left out or like their siblings are more loved because he knows what it feels like, even all these years later. If you can’t do for both, don’t do it at all.
I would stop accepting gifts and talk to them to see what the issue is. Just because one is older than the other doesn’t mean they can’t buy the age appropriate thing for the other… that doesn’t make any sense and I would be asking questions. Kids know when they get treated differently and you’re supposed to be their voice. If your husband doesn’t see any wrong then he’s part of the problem too.
I felt this way about my two for awhile. My husband saw it too. It happened with both of his parents (dad/stepmom and his bio mom). However, his parents really had to step it up when our son was born (he’s not biologically mine and the bio mom is a flop). He was active duty Marine and in Iraq when the oldest was born. His parents had our oldest quite a bit. They had a great bond. Then when I came into the picture he left on his 2nd tour to Iraq. His parents didn’t have to step it up as much as I often had our kiddo when bio mom didn’t care to be a mom. Fast forward to us getting married and having a daughter. They didn’t take our daughter often. We had a talk and it truly appeared to be situational. Whereas our oldest needed that extra care and my husband needed the help, our youngest had us both and my husband was no longer military. Also, the parents aged while our kids aged. The oldest was easier to care for as he was now self-sufficient and could have conversations. Meanwhile our youngest was a baby and required much more work. And sure enough, as our youngest got older, she sure as hell got more attention and “things”. The things don’t matter, but the attention does. Give it some time. The parents most likely bonded with the oldest as he needed it when his dad, your husband, was a single dad. And now the kiddo is of an age that “things” are appreciated and enjoyed and a conversation can be had. The 2 year old isn’t quite there yet. I bet things change as the youngest ages as well. It’s partially women’s hormones too. I know I was much more sensitive about it early on. It wasn’t “all in my head”, but it was definitely not what I thought it was. There is just as much love for our youngest as there is our oldest. It just wasn’t as easy when our girl was a baby/toddler. She’s 10 now. And both her grandmas on her dads side will not hesitate a moment to take her on day long shopping or lunches or whatever. Because she’s able to have a conversation and be a buddy. Taking care of young kids is HARD, even for the parents. As an aging grandparent, they don’t want to parent. They want to do the fun stuff, which is hard until they are older.
I’d start putting stuff away if both can’t have any and tell her double or nothing if you can’t show both attention then you show none if you can’t buy for both then you buy for none ￼
Well eventually the kids will notice the difference. Being the golden child and the scape goat are hard positions to be in for both. Once you no longer live with them you have a better chance of establishing boundaries and rules for the children.
Growing up I was the child wondering why my sibling got treated with favoritism and it hurt. Now as an adult who’s married an has a bonus son I definitely see my husbands family doing the same with my bonus son an me an my husband’s children… they were warned for years treat them equally, they chose not to an refused so now they don’t have nothing to do with any of them. I refuse to have my kids growing up with the thoughts an feelings I did. Best decision ever. But to each their own. Good luck
I have definitely gone through something similar. We have firm boundaries in place with all family now. If you can’t buy for all the kids, don’t buy for one. If they still go ahead and buy we usually donate it unless it’s something all kids can play with. Out of our three only one kid gets a birthday card from great grandmother (with money), so we return it every year. I will not let anyone neglect the feelings of my children. It’s all or nothing
I had the same problem. My husband was very supportive. He spoke to them and things changed. You need to treat all the boys the same! No favorites
This is easy been dealing with it for years . My mother has always bought for my nieces and nephews for all holidays . My kids never . My kids are adults and they refuse to have a relationship with her and I don’t blame them one bit . Now it’s going on with the great grandson and great granddaughter . She buys for the girl never anything for my grandson . I’ve told her to just don’t even call him her grandson now over it . I guess you got to be drug addicts or thieves to get any attention from her .
Play favorites with theirs.
Get the kids away from that toxicity my family did this to me its awful
Give the stuff back they buy for the 5 year old and say I have two children not one if u can’t treat them the same don’t treat them at all !!
No more fights or talks with the grandparents. I’m just going Divide the candy, money, and the 2year old will be jumping on the trampoline and riding at or whatever they gave him. The only thing the older child with not be sharing is clothes and shoes. The grandparents will not be receiving anything from me from now on.
Well since she is moving out that will be the best time to set your ground rules down if she can not follow them then let her know she is not welcome to see the kids until she treats them the same and don’t let her use age as a different because it is not in this case best of luck with your favorite person in your family
Sit your husband down and tell him how you feel. Tell him that it must stop because your 2 year old is probably already beginning to notice when his brother gets a toy, but there is no toy for him. Tell your husband that if it continues, he needs to tell his family that they will be stopped from seeing either of the boys until they can treat them equally. If he won’t do that, find a job and get out as soon as you can. You don’t want the older boy to start feeling more entitled than the younger one. And you don’t want the younger one hurt by the actions of your husband’s family. Maybe you could even ask your family help you get out sooner.
You suck as a parent you are enabling her behaviour I feel for the 2 year old kid seriously
Tell the older son that the toys are for both of them.
This happened when my husband and I blended our family 20 years ago…
The result is that we have very minimal interaction with his family because you accept us all and treat all of OUR children equally or we don’t need you in our lives. When his mom bought his two daughters snowcones while our children were staying with them and my oldest daughter from a previous marriage and our youngest child(the only one that belongs biologically to both of us) had to sit and watch them eat them…our children never went back to their house. You love them all period.
Then got a job save money and move out
This is outrageous. I’d be ready to move on I think. Who wants a weenie husband like that letting his family do this and also for your 2 year old to be treated like that. I couldn’t take it. Make plans. Save, get work, leave and be quiet about your plans. Get an attorney.
Your husband is making the situation no better by not seeing your point of view. You need to leave and be done with him and his family.
Been there done that, we don’t talk to them or let them see our kids anymore.
Next time you go and that happens make sure you have something special in the car for the 2 yo. Go get it and give it to him. See what happens.
My poor daughter went through this so terribly. My heart was always broken for her, she was a bonus to her brother. I legally adopted my son and both kids had the same Dad. We lost my son to a tragic end fostered by an enabling grandmother, I wish I had fought harder in the divorce to gain custody of my son. My daughter has a tough skin and I can’t help but think the situation certainly hardened her but she misses her Brother and Daddy. Grandma (the enabler) is still alive but her son and grandson have passed on. It will never stop until your husband puts his foot down and means it. If he won’t, or can’t, I am so sorry. Been there, lost that battle.
Just out of curiosity, what happened to his bio mom? Is she no longer in the picture? Is she deceased? On drugs? What’s her story? If she not in his life, that may be why they feel the need to overcompensate. Not saying that you aren’t a good mom to him, but depending on the story with his bio mom, maybe this is why they do all of these things.
Tell them if they don’t buy for your son also that anything brought in the house for the other will be thrown away. You will have to put your foot down since your husband won’t, and stand firm on what u say.
You and husband need family/couple counseling. And a calm talk without relatives and write out a plan. But he’s very young and things can be shared and passed down. But yes it hurts
I have 2 kids a year apart. When they were 2-3 even a bit older I bought my older child more. Not because I favored her more. Just because he got everything she outgrew so he really didn’t need or want for anything. Maybe that’s similar with a 3 year gap? Maybe they figure your 2yo will get all your 5yos toys & clothes. As far as yelling A 2yo is mich more frustrating than a 5yo. You can’t reason with a 2yo. You can with a 5yo. It can be the boys personalities too. I know (because I’ve made it a point to pay attention) that at different stages I’ve gotten after 1 more often than the other. I know the tendency is to be mad because the kids aren’t equal in your mind. But to others your 2yo has more.
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You take everything she gives… and in front of her… you SHARE between the kids. Help her pack !!! Bring home boxes. If she’s leaving soon, that’s great. If it’s going to take her awhile… sit her AND your husband down together and explain the new rules !!! No more favoritism. If it continues sho won’t be allowed to see any of them.
First off I love how you say your 5 yr . Old he’s lucky to have you.
It may be an age thing . they’ve just been with the 4 yr. Old longer . And let’s me honest 2 yrs and 5 yrs is a huge difference in many areas. I have a 3,5,6,7 . I’m sure they all over both boys . Maybe it’s cause they feel bad for 5 yr. Old. Not sure in the background on bio mom so im just guessing they got used to spoling him and its now just a habit.
Talk with you husband and point things out to him when they happen. And then maybe he can talk to the adults in private to address this issue.
Best of luck momma
My in laws were like that I told my husband I did not appreciate them ignoring our youngest and favoring our oldest and honestly a lot of that has to do with them thinking that my youngest was not my husband’s because she came out very light skin like me I’m white my husband is native and our oldest looks very native and looks just like my husband as my daughter gets older she looks just like him as well just more light skin but my husband had a talk with his parents and straight up told them I don’t want you buying anything for my oldest if you’re not going to buy anything for my youngest they’ve gotten to where they accept her and it’s more equal now