QUESTION:
My husband works out of town and has a house there. He told his friends on a game coworkers were flying in and that’s how I learned of it. He didn’t tell me a female was one of the coworkers on his own. I had to ask specifically. They stayed with him at the house. The male worker flew back home a couple days later and the female worker was still there for 2 more weeks. Which I didn’t know was going to happen until it did. I then found out he had the option for her to go to a hotel on the company’s dime. She told him she had no problem if he was not comfortable with her staying there(as he’s married). He told her she could stay and didn’t see a problem with it. She also begged him to go site seeing with her and to dinners.
At first, I told him it really bothered me because we had plans to go to those places together when I arrive with the kids now he’s going to already experience it and without me. I eventually caved because he felt like he could only go to work and be stuck in the house, but it got to a point where I said absolutely no more and she was left to go places purely alone. He told her I was bothered by her being there and it caused us to fight. Why would he tell her? It’s none of her business if he isn’t making her get a hotel room and using that as a reason why she can no longer stay in the house. He did tell his boss it could never happen again once she left. But I feel like I was highly disrespected and not thought of. He also started to eat healthy because she does. (Sus as I can’t get him to eat a salad or drink water etc myself lol)
He also bought beverages when he doesn’t drink, But the day of their arrival he’s now had a hard day at work and wants to buy alcohol (I’ve been with this man for many many years this was all weird ).
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"That’s very weird. It’s none of her business how you reacted to it, why would he even tell her? The whole thing is weird, from how he didn’t mention it to you all the way to telling the girl how you felt about it all all the way to eating healthier because she does? You mentioned you’ve known/been together for many years so only you really know his behavior. Based off what is said though I would definitely keep an eye on it, because I don’t like the way this all sounds. Good luck girl, remember to always choose to love yourself and do what’s best for you!"
"I’d be so hurt if I was you. Every single bit of that is terrible."
"Red flags everywhere. In what world is it okay for a husband (or wife) to allow a member of the opposite sex to stay in your home for two weeks without even consulting you first? She seemed very respectful but not respectful enough. I’d immediately have turned down the offer and stayed in the hotel if a married man offered me that option. Immediately. The fact that he told her that is also a red flag. There are feelings involved on his end bc that shows his desire to not want to hurt her feelings and shifting the blame when he knew it was inappropriate to begin with."
"If he didn’t cheat he may have been flirting with the idea."
"Not cool and very disrespectful. Sounds like it was arranged and they had planned to hook up."
"I’m going through a similar situation, my husband has a female co worker friend. He send pictures of cute clothes and bathing suits to her. Talks to her all hours of the night, tells me I’m controlling when I tell him I feel like second place to her."
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