My husbands son hates me and I am unsure why

My husband and I have been together 8 years. He has a 10 year old son in Sweden that he hasn’t seen in a long time. We have two children together, first one is 10 from a previous marriage and the second one from us. So, all together 3 children. Anyway, his son wants nothing to do with me. Every Sunday they are on the computer together playing various games because that’s the only time they get together. I tried to join in with them one day, and he apparently had a panic attack because I was there and I was told to go away. It hurt my feelings! He has cussed me and has called me names on several occasions. Has told my eldest daughter that he hates me and I’m a bitch…whatever. Anyway, my husband is going to Sweden to see him later on this year, and his baby mama specifically said I was not allowed to come. I feel like his baby mama and son are trying to eprase the fact that I exist. I have begged for things to get better and asked to see what I can do, but the kid really hates me! I don’t know what to do. It puts a huge strain on my marriage because I feel like they manipulate my husband to do their bidding.Is it okay to be upset about this? There’s really nothing I can do but let everything happen. I have no control over the situation, but I feel this growing resentment.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands son hates me and I am unsure why

Maybe the baby momma brainwashed him

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This child isn’t going to hate you for absolutely no reason. You need to look at your interactions with him and try to find ways to meet him on his level.

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He either hears hatred coming out of his mom’s mouth towards you or feels like he’s been replaced with his dad’s “new family”.

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8 years together and he hasn’t seen in his son “in a long time” most likely answers the question on why he hates you. Him seeing his son should be a priority for BOTH you and he. I wouldn’t want to be married to a guy who has a kid he rarely makes sure he sees :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t2:

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Are you going to go? I know I would

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The mother sounds resentful of you & it seems she has poisoned the poor child’s mind. Her telling your husband to come alone means she’ll quite possibly try to seduce him & try to get him to leave you for her. It could also simply have not much to do with her & the boy feels you’ve stolen his father & his parents haven’t been good at helping him to see differently. Your husband needs to put boundaries but because they’re in a foreign country he may be afraid to do so for fear of any contact with his kid getting severed. Baby mama knows she has the upper hand & can make all of the demands she wants because your husband hasn’t done much to change that. You’re between a rock & a hard place & I feel bad for you because while the boy is this young & under his mother’s roof there will probably be nothing you can do to make things better. Just keep trying & make sure your husband is trying even harder.

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Brainwash mid for sure

Family trip, let him spend all his time with said son with or without brothers, and you enjoy your own adventure and meet family back at hotel at bed time.
Call it co parenting.

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The question is: what is your husband doing/saying about all of this? If he’s just allowing it to happen & not sticking up for you, then that’s all the answer that I would need.

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This is your husband’s problem tell him to put his big girl panties on. Here is my advice. Tell him don’t let the door hit you in the ass getting out and and that damn door only goes out

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Maybe it’s because he feels like you’ve taken his dad away from him I know that’s how I’ve felt for the past 14 years him not actually getting to see his dad may feel like you’ve taken him away

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If he’s 10 and you have an 8 year old, he probably feels like his dad is choosing the 8 year old and younger one over him… I’m sure he might have over heard someone saying things about how he would rather raise those two kids instead of him or that you won’t let him be around him. Maybe have him come stay at your house so he can bond with the other two kids and get to know you and spend time with his dad. He’s most likely forming opinions of you from what he’s been told and needs to be around you to form his own. Maybe a family vacation he’s invited to could help also?

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Maybe it’s because he feels like you’ve taken his dad away from him I know that’s how I’ve felt for the past 14 years him not actually getting to see his dad may feel like you’ve taken him away

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Get used to your husband having a whole separate family.

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I mean. If I read this correctly, the dad is raising a child (your child) that is not biologically his, and then isn’t raising his son… I can see how a child would be hurt by that, resentful and hateful even.

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That’s a ploy from the mother so that the boy doesn’t want to go live with his dad… the issue is the mother not the child

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He’s 10 so he was two when you guys got together? I’m not sure but the kid is old enough now to have resentment and hatred towards you because he wants his parents to be together and he sees you as a threat to him having his normal family. I saw it a lot in my friends who had separated parents growing up. I think honestly his dead being so far from him puts a strain on his relationship and your the one keeping his dad away from him. Or that’s all a kid would see. Weather or not mom talks badly about you would also affect and could solidify these feelings for him

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Why is your husband allowing this? I would say I’d be going with him . You don’t need to see his son but I’d defo be going with him xx

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First of all I wouldn’t be travelling without my partner that far to go see my child and sit there with an ex. I would bring my partner with me. Also I feel like you can’t force someone to like you nor a child. So your going to have to just deal with that. But your husband should be more supportive and ask his child to give you some respect. He should also tell the child’s mother where to go as she doesn’t get to choose who he travels with and who gets to go where. He should be able to supervise his child without her present. She is trying to play god with you and your situation she wants your marriage to fail and will probably never like you. This is why I won’t be with a person that’s had children previously and the situation isn’t already taken care of. I will never let my children or myself play second fiddle to any man and his previous family.

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You should go with him …under no circumstances would I want my husband to meet his ex without me somewhere…that’s a red flag…go with him and don’t let him tell you no! His ex has no business telling you you can’t go…go anyhow!

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Who knows what the mom is saying about you. I to this day have a problem with my step mom being with my dad for reasons too personal to put here. My dad is a believer in marriage and siding with his wife, but there have been times he’s sided with me over the last 15 plus years and it caused a huge issue with her and she’s said terrible things to me because of it. Your husband is in a hard position. And the son might also feel like maybe his dad would have come to Sweden to move if not for you. Either way, the mom can’t tell you not to come

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Don’t exclude the fact that his mother could be manipulating him into hating you. My mom did that to me with my stepmom for years. I was always so rude to my stepmom and did/said things I can never take back. When I got older, I realized who was actually the problem. I’ll always love my mom, but I’ll never forget she’s one of the reasons my relationship with my dad and step mom is so tainted. She reflected her own feelings on to me and made them my own, started at age 7 when they divorced. It’s messed up. So just remember, if that is what’s happening. There is really nothing you can do to stop it. Just always be supportive of him and his relationship with his dad. Encourage your husband to talk to him more. Don’t force yourself on him, but let him know you’re always there just in case. Praying things get better. :white_heart:

Why has your husband seen him so rarely ? Would you be okay with him only seeing your kids once in a while if things didn’t work out? Also how are they “manipulating” your husband from freaking Sweden, while you live in the home with your husband day in and day out? I mean I am sorry, but this sounds rather whiny of you , considering the circumstances. If the kid and ex wife don’t want you to come for whatever reason, leave it alone and not make it about you. I mean he rarely sees his kid as it is why ruin their time together

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It’s the mother I have had the same issue w my bonus daughter the last 10 years. It was a blast when we invited her mom to our house for the bonus daughters graduation party😝

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How long are his Sunday visits online? 2-3 hours? That means you have your husband 6 days plus 21-22 hrs. See where I’m going with this? You’re not going to “win” this one. Your husband barely spends anytime with him on-line as it is. Let them have their time. If you want to go to Sweden, go. Just remember the child’s mother doesn’t have to welcome you into her home. It would make a powerfully, positive statement and demonstrate grace if she did - but it’s up to her. If you go to Sweden, you may end up spending time away from your spouse anyway. That doesn’t mean you couldn’t go out and enjoy things on your own, either. Tread water lightly with this. It doesn’t have to turn into a war. Maybe your husband can talk to his child’s mother about family counseling. That may help build a bridge. Oh, grow up and drop the “baby momma” title. You’re being passive aggressive, trying to demean her and you know it. You’ll NEVER get anywhere with his son by speaking poorly of his mother. Start with that. Be the adult. Do better.

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It’s the mother. Husband should put his foot down, it’s not like you’re a new relationship, you’ve been together most of the kids life. Zero reason to go without you if you have the means to all go as a family.

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You really don’t know the kid and he probably’s been told you stole him from him. If it’s a computer game join as an unknown and see how he reacts normally in-game.

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I agree with a lot that’s been said. But my opinion the baby momma got a lot of play in this. She might be the very reason he hates u because that’s what he’s learning from her. But your husband shouldn’t be allowing any of it. But I would have my butt in the car plane train or what ever I would be making this trip with him. If he told me I couldn’t then he wouldn’t have a home to come back too.

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He doesn’t hate you, he just wants his Dad with him. I know it’s sh#tty but he prob has a lot of pain.

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Sounds like his mom might be a toxic piece of s*** and she is turning that boy against you.

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I agree he rarely see his kid. My kid rarely sees his dad and will make me angry. There is two sides.

With that being said set your feelings aside. Go with him to Sweden.

Let him see his boy.

Everyone stays happy in your marriage. Two marriages and more kids don’t need to be impacted by this trio…

Don’t let the enemy fill your head. Find some peace and be strong.

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I would tell my hubby we’re going to Sweden as a family! Obviously he needs to spend alone time with his son but he also needs to spend time with his sibling. He needs see that you’re not the bad guy that has been put into his head.
It’s the mother’s side of the family putting thing into his head. Has your hubby invited him to come to your house? Does he know coming to see his dad is an option?

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There is nothing stopping you going with him, he can see his son, his so. Can see his brothers and sisters you just have a day to your self.

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Step kids don’t have to like you at all, it’s not a right you get just cause you married the parent of the child, why can’t you just let him and his son bond?? Why must you be present when the time is supposed to be spent with his dad??

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Can I ask were you the reason they split? I know sometimes the “other woman” thing can play a role or if not his mother must be bad mouthing you.

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This child has been brainwashed,by the mother. He doesn’t know you. It’s not the child’s fault that it has happened.Try to nit resent it. The child is a victim just like you are.

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Your husband should have put a stop to it not you l… I would not have tried to get into his time with his dad but what did dad do? No nobody can tell me I’m not allowed to go where my husband is going …

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I’m thinking baby momma has to be saying something. You can’t compete, you can just do the best you can. I’d still go to Sweden, I mean is he going to spend every waking minute with his son? You do your thing while he’s with his son. But, if I was the husband I’d try to find out why his son felt that way about his now current wife. More stable adults in the child’s life is a good thing.

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How often does the dad see the child?
Chances are the bio mom has convinced the son he doesn’t see his dad because of you and your kids

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Tell your husband to step up and tell his son and his ex to stop disrespecting you! omg he needs to do this otherwise nothing will change. You are in his life and they just need to accept it. I would go with him to Sweden if I were you.

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The 10 yo believes rightly or wrongly you are the cause of his father’s split from his mother, 8 or more years ago. You cannot say or do anything with the 10 yo to change this. Of course, you are allowed to feel upset. Allow hubby to go either alone to Sweden to spend time with his son and or to go with his half sibling to Sweden to reconnect. You spent cherished time with the other children at home.

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Honestly it’s because he’s not with his dad

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Don’t blame the son, he isn’t trying to erase your existence. He is only reflecting his mother, whichever way that might be. Could even be because you’ve become the reason why they are no longer a together family, who knows but she is the problem, not him. Hope your husband speaks up about it to the ex… I’d be upset an rightfully so but try not to take it to heart, he’s a child expressing what he believes to be the right way to express his feelings. This is where you’d hope the mother would step in an say hold up kid an so forth but clearly, that isn’t what is happening. Hope you’re alright considering.

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Your husband needs to set better boundaries with him and him the child calling you names. He’s clearly parroting his mother but it’s unacceptable to treat any adult like that. That being said, don’t try to force it. He does t live with you even near you; just let it play out.

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That has nothing to do with the child and all to do with the mother. She probably told him you are the reason why he doesn’t see his dad that often and that you tried to replace him with your new children. So you are the villian in his eyes. So step back and stay out of the way. Let him have whatever time he needs with just his dad. That is his child no matter what.

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It’s okay if the child wants to hate you. Avoid him. Live your life. He is probably being influenced by his mother.

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Ya I’m sorry but if my husband is going to Sweden so am I. Obviously they can have their alone time and I’ll go site seeing and shopping but your husband needs to step up and be a man about it. His baby mama has no say if you’re allowed to go or not. I assume he won’t be staying in their house so she can eat rocks

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He’s abusive. Run away asap

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Well it’s not the sons fault. His dad is literally so far away from him and living a whole new life without him included. So yea, he has a right to be very upset!!

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The kids not even in this country and has limited access with his dad. Get over it.

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It’s ok to be upset but seems it’s by your own making in a sense. You intruded on time with him and his dad. You interjected yourself. The kid is allowed to NOT like you. You are the new factor. Most kids take TIME to get to know their parent’s new partner but he hasn’t been given that time. It’s not like y’all have gotten him every other weekend since he was little. And there is NO reason you can’t go to Sweden as well, with the other kids, BUT that trip is for his child… you aren’t invited to tag along. The mother is trying to protect her child and what little in person interactions they may have. It’s possible you did trigger an anxiety attack. It can happen. And if YOU are the trigger of course that mother would want that NOT to happen on the rare chance they get to see their father. Now IF you do go along then I’d make plans with the other children to go see things with just you. Maybe suggest the siblings get a chance to meet for ice cream near the END of the trip. He can handle them all if needed. Don’t force it, but if the kid is up for ice cream with the siblings and ask if it’s ok if you go along just to help with the other kids. Baby step things so the kid can see you aren’t a threat. How many times has a kid been upset about their parent moving on and find things “wrong” with them that justifies that feeling. Things will change if you don’t try to force things. Be open and laid back. Always try to include them in things. Maybe ask your husband if he can ask the kid if you can ask a question to them… if granted at the END of a televisit, mention that Christmas or a birthday or end of school is coming and you wanted to include them on the family tradition of ice cream and balloons at school (if their school permits it) and ask if that was ok to celebrate their achievement in that way… or if it’s near a holiday ask if you can send them something you do for all the kids… like an ornament to decorate the Christmas tree and ask if they can do a video visit while BOTH families decorate the tree together. All kids are involved. Now don’t be discouraged if they say no at first… if they do say no, say, “ well thank you for letting me ask, if you change your mind just messege your father so we can let him do this with all the kids in some way. He adores any excuse to include all the kids. Ok I’ll let you get back to your call, have fun guys! :grin:”… keep showing you are the problem, the kids aren’t a problem and you are just trying to be inclusive. Maybe another time ask their father to ask what game system they have and what game they may want… then the father can explain that he didn’t have the idea or go shopping for it, it was you and that he hopes they got what they mentioned because you shopping was a great help.
Just change the approach. Imagine them as a small injured fox. Can’t smother him with attention… you let his father do that. The father can say that you arranged something and like feeling that all the kids do things the same or similar so HE feels like he is being a good father to them all. The feelings of “he lives far away and has a whole new family and replaced me with other kids but isn’t here with me at all” will fade a bit. That pang of longing and jealousy and hurt is just something kids have to deal with sometimes. They either build coping skills or they don’t.
Could the mother be manipulating things? Perhaps. But as for what you have said here and here alone, seems she is protecting her little cub. Don’t take it TOO personally, distended is a huge factor. And if for some reason this all fails… it’s ok! Don’t make the hubby feel stuck in the middle… all of the kids can share daddy. But that one on one time with his first child is VITAL.
Try something new and see how that plays out. Don’t forget to include the mother of you want in her better graces… send her a Christmas card … write this… “ dear (insert name), I can’t thank you enough for raising such a resilient child. It warms (insert hubby’s name here) heart to know that child is so very much loved and taken care of. Thank you so much for allowing them to keep bonding over chats. I truly would like to have all of the kids enjoy some ice cream or a pastry somewhere ok Sweden. I’d like them to know more about where (insert child’s name) grew up. It must be so beautiful! It would be amazing for all of the children to see some sights and have (insert child’s name) show us their favorite places to eat or hang out, maybe show them some sights. It would be great for them to compare notes on the differences in schools and such. I do hope you will take the time to make a decision that works best for you. The strength I see you giving your child is lovely and I do hope one day to meet you and say thank you … thank you for raising a great kid! I do hope to continue to get to know everyone. I hope you don’t mind I sent a small gift along with the card. I hope you guys over there are ok with us sending you a wild American snack :grin: gator jerky!! So interesting to see!

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He’s 10… think of how he would be feeling if his dad is giving all his time and effort to another child who isn’t his, I can imagine he would be quiet upset and even angry. Talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling, ask to be involved in things as you feel excluded by the sounds of things, if he is going to Sweden to spend time with his son so be it but say to him you would like to come along and try and bond with his son… also consider talking to him about organising with the mother for the child to spend two weeks of holidays with him so he can see him more.

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You live with your husband 24/7 and have been together for 8 years… The child only gets video calls with his dad… Stop making any of this about you, just let father and son have their time together… You have his dad the rest of the time… You’re working yourself up when you’re in what essentially is the winning position in the whole situation… Just get on with enjoying your family.

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Im sorry but youre looking at this in a bad way.
You call the child he had with someone else his son however when it comes to the child you had with someone else is somehow “our” son :thinking:
So in my opinion you have to see it as one of your kids hates you and you have to see why yes talk to the husband and see what can be done but change your prespective because kids nodice even the sligjtest details and if there is something else bothering him you wont even get the chance to fix it for using terms as simple as that

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It’s his and his dads time and it’s via pc gaming. Do you really need to be involved in their time? It’s not about you it’s about them

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The boy’s mother has obviously been bagging you to him all these years. Pulling the “poor me” card.
Your husband needs to grow some and have the conversation with them both. How dare your stepson put you down to your daughter.
It is not good enough.
Obviously they are entitled to their own time together but surely you have been there long enough to expect some respect.

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It’s a shame the child couldn’t have come over to meet with his sibling, rather than the other way around.

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Go to sweden too. You are a package deal. If issues arise- you & the other 2 kids get a holi still. Don’t let the resentful mum dicatate your life.

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It seems your husband may be the reason for this situation, whether purposely or not. Why wouldn’t your husband speak up and your behalf? Why would the child or his mother have a problem with you? Perhaps they believe things that aren’t true – either they’ve assumed or have been told to believe. The child obviously gets his issues with you from his mother, but why does she have an issue, why isn’t your husband straightening her out? Something really seems off about this situation. Could he be lying to her or has in the past and you were made the “bad guy” ?

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We’re dealing with a 10 year old here. Dad lives in another country, with a strange woman, other kids, and this boy is on the outside looking in. He has limited time to spend one-on-one with his Dad and he doesn’t want to give that up or share it with anybody. It scares him. And his mom knows that and is trying to protect him. In a situation like this, you’re going to have to kind of step back and let things flow for awhile. If you must go to Sweden, take the other kids for company and make yourself scarce when your husband has the boy. Sight see, shop, buy souvenirs, visit the local museum, whatever. Wait for a year or so. During that year, you can send the kid birthday cards, Christmas cards, with gift cards and pictures of his siblings in them. Include the family dog. Let him see them. Don’t send pictures of you yet. You can have your husband comment on how you helped shop and select birthday and Christmas gifts for him. When you send pictures of his siblings, you can mention ways they look alike. Don’t get overly chatty. Just a few words and an I love you and let it go at that. Over time, as he matures, he may at least be curious about his other family, including you. Just let it happen on its own. Good luck.

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You have a right to be upset… maybe you can speak to your husband about going to sweden and if you really arent welcome to visit with the child then you and the other children can do something else? Its a horrible situation but i also feel like the childs mother might be allowing the child to be this way towards you… there is no excuse for cussing at an adult or being disrespectful…the child will never accept you while his behaviour is allowed to be the way it is

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I would go to sweden

you answered your own question within the post :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Be extra lovely to him play the game with him and lose so he feels great get involved with him buy him something he will love take him out for cake and milkshake be extra fun around him

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The boy doesn’t really hate you

He is just a boy that wants his dad more in his life. With his perspective you are the wall that separates separates them. I wouldn’t try to take it personally as hard as it is. I have been in your shoes to some degree. Let the dad be a dad to his son & everything else will work out.

Your husband probably feels pulled in alot of different directions and feels powerless that he can’t show up for everyone.

Try to step back & allow the space for the son to have time with his dad

Best of luck!

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Look normally I’d be all for blending the family and stuff. But he lives in Sweden and the little time he gets with his dad is over a game bc they live so far away. Now I do think dad should be cracking down on the disrespect. Kiddo shouldn’t be doing that. And really I can kind of see from the kids POV that here he is getting crumbs from his dad and some other people get him all the time. It would def cause hard feelings in a child. I think since you are on here asking questions that you and husband need to talk this through with a therapist who can help you with blending a family. I’m concerned why you’ve been together 8years and not attempt to blend the individual units has been made. Removing pandemic time how long has he gone without seeing his child at least once a year (personally should be a priority)? Your husband need to step up more with his other child.

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Boys need their father in their life. Unfortunately you are going to be the " enemy" you created a life with his dad…I’m sure he wants to see his dad more and because of this not happening he’s going to take his anger and frustration out on someone and that’s going to be you because you are in the father’s life every single day and he isn’t. Your husband is around 2 children of yours all of the time and never around his other son. I took child psychology in school and in situations like this the child will often feel resentment and anger toward the step parent because they feel in a way that you are keeping the father from him. I’m not saying this is true and that you are the reasoning but that is how a child sees it. He gets to play video games on the computer with his biological dad. Your children probably get tucked in to bed every night by him. That hurts a child very badly to know that their father is with someone else and has a family of their own and soo far away. He probably had a panic attack and got upset when you got on the game because in his mind he’s thinking. " my dad lives far away I never see him and she won’t let us play a game alone" you are wanting to build a bond with him but he’s not seeing it that way. Your best bet is to just back off from the situation. Be nice and friendly and sweet if he eventually attempts to speak to you but before then I would let it go. You and him may never bond and that’s okay. He needs his dad to be around more and to do more then play a game with him. Maybe video chat with him? My uncle video chats his daughter every single day and she lives 30 minutes away. He also gets her every weekend. Encourage the father to video chat with him every single day…even if it’s for 5 minutes. After that happens for a while then start saying nice gestures like " have a great night" or " hope to see you soon" but seriously its okay if you two never bond.

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He is a 10 year old boy without a dad seeing how his dad is there for other kids and not him. He doesn’t hate you persay, he hates the cards that he was dealt and you’re the mom of the kids who his dad is raising. All he has with his dad is a little time once a week to play games, you joining could seem like youre taking away from the little bit of time that he does have. It’s a hard time for the boy especially at the age that he is and knowing that another child his age is being raised by his dad while he doesn’t have his dad to raise him.

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First thing! Your husband needs to set him straight that he has no right to disrespect you that way! No matter what his feelings are! But, I don’t think he hates you. I think he hates the situation. Your child gets dads attention everyday and many times, I’m sure all day. His time is limited to the computer. You say you also have a child and that child is also getting his dad’s attention. Somehow he needs to get to know you, but in the meantime, maybe telling him that you understand that his time is limited with his dad and that you will leave them alone to enjoy their time together. Bring the other children in, have them say hello and then take them away. He will love knowing that you understand how his time is short.

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The first thing I noticed about this post was “he has a 10 year old son” BUT “we have two children together, first one is 10 from a previous marriage”. His son is from a previous marriage…yet you chose to say you have two children together.

I feel like the problem here could be you subconsciously treat your bio children differently and the other child is picking up on it. Children and smarter than we give them credit for and can act out when treat differently.

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There really shouldn’t be an issue considering the child was 2 when you got with his dad so I can only assume these issues lay with his mother (that is unless the child has conditions that may effect his own behaviour) and she has projected them on him. There should be absolutely no reason for him to disrespect you like that and his father should be putting him in his place because no matter what he shouldnt be speaking to you that way. The fact that the mother has asked you not to go to Sweden only shows she is the one woth the problem so your husband really needs to have a word with her and she should be encouraging their son. 8 years together is a long time and it shouldn’t be this way. Until your husband put his foot down with his ex then I can’t see things changing

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Also maybe send him some gifts in the mail from you. To let him know you care. Children love getting things in the mail. Most importantly, encourage that the dad do more socialization with his son. Maybe the mom doesn’t let him visit? I’m not sure of the situation but look video calls are free and he can video call his son every single day vs playing a computer game with him every few months or every few years…the boy wants to feel like he’s important to his dad and he’s not feeling like he is and that is why you are the enemy to him.

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That’s the thing with having a family and children with someone that has children from a previous marriage/relationship. The child isn’t required to have a relationship with the person their parent is with. He isn’t obligated to include you in his life. You cannot hold resentment that the child wants his relationship with his father and vice versa. You are making it about you, when if you stop trying to insert yourself, you would realize it doesn’t involve you or affect you. Not everyone can be liked by everyone, even if we are open and have done everything right.
He is entitled to spend time with his Dad as often as possible without having to share that time with anyone else.

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He us a boy hurting and feeling u settled, so is lashing out at you

My hubby would not be going without me.

Sounds like your husband needs to grow a bigger pair

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Your husband should be standing firmly by your side. In my opinion he should let his son know that he is loved but that you and his father are a couple and as such come as a package. He should ensure his son’s aware he’s welcome but that you are his life partner and WILL be with him. I’ve been there with my husband’s daughter and she chose to have no contact with her father because he was with me. He was man enough not to be manipulated by her.

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Communicate with your husband how you are feeling, go to marriage counseling, and if all else fails you may end up leaving due to the growing resentment.

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Defnitedly his mother fault…

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Stop butting into his time with his dad point blank. That’s HIS time with his dad and it’s disrespectful to try to insert yourself into that time. He only gets his dad on those games, you and your kids have his dad the rest of the time. Give him his space and time. You do not need to go to Sweden. Again, that is his time with his dad. He barely has a relationship with his dad and you’re getting butthurt because he doesn’t want split what little time he gets with his dad with you too? He isn’t the issue nor is his Mom. :roll_eyes:

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Does your husband hear or see the way he treats you?? By the sounds of it the boys mother is dripping poison into his ear about you this is something your husband needs to talk to her about he needs to explain to her that its making you feel uncomfortable in your own home and that he’s saying horrible things to your own children about you and its not on all you can do is keep trying your best with him he will soon see the truth x

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I don’t understand why your husband is going without you and the family. This child should be part of his family. But that is just the way we raised our new family. It seems to me that his child from a previous marriage would enjoy getting to know his siblings as well as his enjoying time with his father. He is losing our on all those other relationships as well. We have been married 32 years and our kids love each other and we all love each other. Our grandchildren are very close cousins.

I think this is probably a case of the baby mumma bad mouthing you and telling him not to like you.

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There is no need for any kid to act that way whether he sees his dad not as often or not! That is truly bad behaviour on the kids part and the mother should be talked to about the way her child acts. Talk to your husband as he treats his daughters pretty crappy too. He is the father of this kid and should be teaching him also that isn’t the way you talk or treat other people…

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Let the boy have his dad time…
He’s only 10. Meet your husband after his tome with HlIS son and arrange for a short / romantic getaway.

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I think you need to remove yourself from the situation. The child when he stopped seeing his father at the age of 1 or 2, and his mother given him an answer. Maybe she (the mother) included the comment that he was living in another country or that he left for someone else.

I think that the stepson is projecting his anger on you, since he doesn’t have his father in a full time basis. However, his mother is single and your family get to spend time with him in a full-time basis.

I wouldn’t take it personally, as I met someone that never accepted his father second marriage and his 4 (half sister’s). He was single child from 1st marriage.
Maybe you will never have a good step-son and step-mother relationship. And you may need to accept that maybe he never wants to build a relationship with you.

However, the father should spend more time with his kid; even if it’s a video or call for 5 minutes or half an hour a few times a week. It would improve a lot the relationship with his dad. Plus I think your husband should put your foot down and do not allow him to explode into this behaviour.

I think that there’s more to this story, regarding the step-sons feelings. So, if I was you personally. I would try not go push myself into having a relationship with him and, try to create a bond with your kids and this brother it would be more beneficial. Especially when they grow a little bit older.

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You cannot control anyone else’s behavior, you can only control you. Elsa it and be glad you have the kind of man who wants to be involved with his children. You’ll find things will get better on their own when you stop trying so hard to be included.

The boy is angry at his father. He’s NOT going to take his anger out on his dad. He’s seems very good at what he is trying to do. You & husband have to come to some type of agreement on how to discipline the boy when he says certain things to you.

  1. Take his phone away.
  2. Saying he hates you. He loses the privilege of the computer in his room.
  3. Calling you a bitch. He can only use it for his school assignments.
  4. If his attitude continues, he can’t go to friends to use their electronics.
  5. If none of the above seem to fail, take all the plugs & chargers away.
    He will have to earn your respect back in order to get the plugs & chargers back.

A lady did this with her 4 children. She posted that it didn’t take very long before her kuds changed their ways.

Remember this it might take some time, stick to your guns. When or if you have to take the plugs & chargers away, put them in a zip lock bag & HIDE THEM where YOU & ONLY YOU KNOW where they are. Some where they would never find them.

If all of that doesn’t work, well, I’ll just keep praying for you. :pray::pray::pray::pray:

Girl cause she probably gonna try get with yo man when he goes there that’s why you’re not welcome to come haha

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When my mum met someone knew I hated him and resented him for replacing my dad.

Did he move from Sweden? Maybe he blames you. Being so far away he’s never gotten to know you and bond so he’s never gotten over it.

Imagine never getting to see your dad while he plays happy families with his new wife and kids and sees them everyday. Would build some resentment.

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Baby mama bad mouths you for sure. Jumping in on their online game I wouldn’t as that’s the only time they have together why try ruin their 1 on 1? Go to Sweden with your man , whether you meet the son or not who cares just go for the holiday :joy:

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Trust me, I know the feeling…My man has 2 “kids” (22 and 16) with ex wife and they hate me, because they feel that I’m the reason they split over 4 years ago. (The reason they split is because ex was cheating and left for another man that was married but did tell her…And we haven’t even been together for 4 years)… He has made it clear to them that we are together, and when they do certain things, I will be included… He would NEVER go away without me, even if I went, and did my own thing while they hung out…Your husband needs to make it clear that you are his WIFE, and you will be included in things.

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Sounds like the baby momma has really bn teaching him how to attack u! She must have something against u! He is a child n he wouldn’t b cussing me out n calling me out my name! They need to discipline him n teach him to stay n his place or else! Y’all have let this situation get way out of hand! Evidently he knows that nothing is going to happen to him so that’s y he’s so comfortable disrespecting u! U need to sit down n have a serious talk with ur husband n that child! Plus we would b going together when he goes to Sweden! Something is up if he doesn’t want u to go! How can she tell u where u can n can’t go?! I would go I just won’t go inside her house!

It’s possible that his son is upset and jealous because he doesn’t get to see his dad but you do. It could have caused some resentment to form. If this is the case when you joined the online gaming he could have felt like you were encroaching on the one thing he has with his dad and he panicked. It’s also possible that he doesn’t want you to go to Sweden because he is worried you would come between his dad and him.
I’m not saying that this behavior is acceptable. He shouldn’t call you names especially to your daughter. And if he is upset with you it could be handled in a better way. He could just want what little time he has with his dad being just then two.
If you decide to go to Sweden I would suggest being there but letting them do their own thing and see if that helps. And your stepson could probably benefit with some counseling. The other possibility is that baby mama could be feeding this boy different pieces of information to build a rift between you two. I know that you are frustrated with this all.
I would suggest trying to get your husband to bring up the idea of counseling for your stepson. It sounds like he is upset or at least unhappy and taking it out on you. A counselor could help him overcome those feelings or at least learn to handle it more appropriately.

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My husband would not board a plane anywhere without me period especially if the baby momma said I couldn’t go

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