From a ‘ baby momma’ opinion… my kids has hated both their dads wife’s after me and i Didn’t put nothing in their heads… they feel that their dad has chosen the wife’s and their little sister he had with one over them… but yes the other mother could be bitter towards you and putting stuff in his head about you… but that’s not always the case… but it’s up to his father to correct that not you… going with him to see his son is not what i would do… it just might make it worse… let him have his time with his father… with time he will warm up to you hopefully… but don’t push it with the child… put yourself in the kids shoes…
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All on ur husband!!!
Sounds like the child’s mother is poisoning his thoughts about you.
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People think because they get with someone their kids have to Like rhem. Seems like the kid would have changed their mind after raising many yrs Well no they don’t. There most be some reason. Seems to be a lot missing from rhis
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It sounds like the Ex has some unresolved feelings for her baby daddy so with that being said my mama always told me that if you in a relationship with kids from previous relationship and if you truly love him as you love yourself and he loves you in the same way you must love his child the same way and I know with the child’s mother she is bad mouthing you with lies and what ever else the child is young and as he grows older and starts really seeing the picture he will realize that his mother has been lying about you he will see it for what it is remember the mother is trying to get the best of you so you will then stoop to her level and if you do stoop to her level then every thing that she said will be true you know what I mean I will keep you in my daily prayers and laying tobacco out for you just stay strong and remember you will set a better example for your own child by handling it like a adult and not be like your husband’s ex childish wife don’t let her break you and I hope the resentment that your feeling is towards the mama and not the child as he has no control over his adult mother and the poor morals that she is teaching him good luck chicka remember your a lot stronger than you think you are!!!
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So you have 3 children together. 2 from previous relationships, one from this one.
His behavior is horrible and should be corrected, however, his dad is in a different country living with a different family, and that would be difficult for any kid. There may be a story there different than the one you’ve heard, as well, and it may be feuling some resentment for him (maybe not, but its a possibility).
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I’m sorry hun, for 1 though why and the heck is a 10 yr. Old cursing at someone 
Maybe in his head he has it your the reason why his mom and dad aren’t together 
. I don’t have any back story on why he’s in sweeten and your not so im not even going to speculate on it . But it’s OK to be hurt by this . Unfortunately I think the mom is toxic to any relationship you’d have with the boy. And there’s no reason why you can’t go with him . He’s not planning on staying with the ex ?? So you can sight see and just treat it like a vacation. And when your husband comes back to the hotel. You can do stuff with him . The ex can’t forbid you from the country . Who knows maybe you will get a chance to see the boy if not
But back to the name calling . Your husband should nip that in the but he shouldn’t be aloud to talk to anyone like that .
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Baby mama has poisoned him against you. Husband needs to grow a pair.
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His son’s mother is encouraging him to hate you. She probably does it for revenge or out of spite. It’s common, but until the child is out of her home, he’ll continue to behave this way. He will trust everything his mother tells him, even though it’s likely false.
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This is absurd and manipulation at its finest!!! It’s obviously the mother that is implanting bad things about you into that child’s brain. So therefore he has resentment towards you. He will later resent his own mother for that.
Another thing, YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD NOT ALLOW IT!!! He should stand up for you every time. He should not go to Sweden without you, that mother is using the child and that is disgusting!!! She needs to get the fact over that he is married to someone and stop using the child to get her way with him. Your husband has got to see what she is doing!! He needs to stand his ground with her, and If that means he doesn’t see his kid well then so be it. Take her to court!! If they already have court orders have him document it and report it. If you need any more help just message me. I’ve been there where the mother did this with the child, and now she loves me and calls me nothing but mom.
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Unfortunately the mother has put her toxicity out there for her son.
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Maybe the mom and son want the dad back in the family my friends son and ex wife were like that he hated his step mom and when the dad went to spend time with the son the mom was there all the time he lives in one state and. They lived in another state .
My kids did not like there step dad at all ( can’t blame them) but the one I’m with now they all like and get along . But yes don’t push anything . Let the dad handle it .
You can go to Sweden with him, just do your own thing, enjoy yourself and let him enjoy his son,
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Sounds like baby mama is manipulating your stepson to hate you. I would step back and let his dad handle it.
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I would say, this boy’s mother has planted bad things in this kid’s head about you. Otherwise, he is too young to have all these feelings on his own. Not much you can do, as your husband is still being led around by the nose by his ex! It’s sad.
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All three of mine, heartbroken, narc sadly are very devious, secretive manipulating, child or adult, destroys lives, maybe relate and family counselling, it’s abuse, which ever way you see it
Don’t force anything. Let them have their time. If they invite you to come along awesome, otherwise you need to give them space and quit trying to force it. It’s not uncommon for kids to not like the new person their parent is dating. Just let the kid know if he’s ever open to it that you would like a relationship with him and leave it at that.
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I wouldn’t allow baby mama to make decisions for YOUR family. She can not want you their but she doesn’t decided that and husband should have your back. How long have you been around your bonus son? Have you ever had one on one time? Can you have a sit down with him alone or/and Baby mother alone and explain you want to ensure everyone gets along.
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I would go anyway allowing them to control the situation just makes things worse, suck it up but also defend yourself. its not up to them to tell you what to do… act like none of it bothers you seriously they clearly know it hurts you so don’t allow them to win.
Sounds like dad should try for full custody since his behavior ain’t all that good maybe dad could control him and get his attitude better and under control . Sounds like this young boy needs better parenting . I’m just saying
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Not much you can do to change his feelings towards you. He’s in another country seeing his father on a computer now and then. He probably has a lot of anger and resentment and is taking it out on you. It’s very difficult to have a split family. Cut him some slack, be patient and don’t take it personally. He’s hurting.
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I have a feeling his mother is putting these thoughts in his head. she is a jealous woman and she is expressing to her son.
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I think u should go with your husband let him spend time with his son while u enjoy your vacation while your husband should make time for both families on vacation ( son not ex)
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Girl you don’t have to go with them to their time but you better go to Sweden with your man, even if it’s just to see Sweden.
You exist, sorry not sorry.
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He is envious that you have relationship that he doesn’t. It’s not about you. Leave it to then to work out
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Terrible situation! Prayers for you!
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He is jealous of your and his dads relationship. Its not much telling what his mom is telling him in his other ear neither. When he realizes that your not going to take his dad away from him maybe he will start coming around
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Do nothing, ignore the kid, tell ur husband you don’t want to go to Sweden. You don’t need the kid to like you !!
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That mother is teaching him to hate you. She is bitter.
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He’s young, 10 yrs old. He may feel jealous that he doesn’t get the time with his dad that y’all do. It’s possible he’s hearing things from the other side. Be patient, don’t push him. They learn on their own as they grow up & mature how to accept the situation. Just be supportive and let him know that you love him too. Whatever you do DONT condemn the other parent!
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I’d still go with your hubby regardless of what his son and ex want. No child should dictate or demand what an adult should do even if it’s in regards to his visitation with his father. He needs to see how you and your husband are with one another so he might feel more comfortable around you
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His mom has a huge influence on this situation! The kid himself is a brat! Panic attack!! 
Yes when i was a child if i didn’t get my way … I was brat #1!! Just ignore that kid and go on vacation!
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I’d go to Sweden with your child he can introduce them and you can do tourist things. There’s no reason you cant go, but he should atleast bring the sibling and the son should have to have a dinner with you to get to know you.
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No way would I let the ex tell me I cannot come. That child needs to accept the fact that you are a permanent fixture in not only his father’s life but his as well. Right now he is being taught that it is OK to hate you, disrespect you and that he wins every time. So this behavior will continue as long as the adults let it. Take control of your actions, do not allow the ex to dictate whether or not you go to Sweden with your husband.
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Often the bio parent (The Mom in this case) may be projecting her insecurities on you/ your husbands new family. As an adult you encourage your children to have/create healthy relationships with your biological parents and their new partners and siblings. As a Stepmom even when my non biological child is upset with their biological parent I take time to work with their feelings, and encourage communication, healing and love. Some would take that opportunity to pit the child against the other parent but that is only hurting the child. Now I also shared a child with someone who never visited them. After visiting once he wanted to bring his GF. The small child (6 yo) felt like they were being ambushed by two strangers. I said you will do what you want, but I will be an advocate for my child and also communicate she is very nervous. He bright her anyways and I think it made her even more nervous to meet with two people one she had met only a few times and a few phone calls , and the other person they never met. I stayed with my 6 y.o and gave them more distance until she felt comfortable. Relationships/ States or Countries away tend to be a bit more complicated. Nothing you can’t over come. Any relationship will be strained when they have children from another relationship. It’s kind of what you take on when you have a blended family. It requires more effort, empathy, sympathy and patience x 1,000. Hang in there- things will get better. Kids grow up and when they see you, still there supporting their relationship with their parent when they are older they will see any manipulation that was trying to be used to harm them.
He thinks you will replace him in his Dad’s life. When you see him on the computer just acknowledge him and if you can reassure him that you are all a part of the family. He’s a young kid. Give him time!
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The child doesn’t hate you, his mother hates you and she teaching him well
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This child “hates” you and your child bc you are with his dad on a daily everyday and he envies you all for that and it even goes to the child you have together - he feels left out and isolated and more than likely his mother is feeding these feelings. In no way, shape, matter or form would I not be going to Sweden with my husband and 2 children - if he were an only child I’d still be going bc you would be doing to your kids what he is doing or trying to do to you. As another person posted he needs to meet you and his half sibling and step sibling whether his mom wants that or not - he needs to give it a chance not begrudge them for what he doesn’t have with his dad. You are def in a hard situation but stand the ground for you and your children that live with you but try to continue to show love towards the child in Sweden he is truly just wanting to be apart of his dad’s family and knows he can’t and that hurts him which in turn makes him want to be mean and hurtful towards the ones that are with his dad - step down to his level and try looking through his eyes as a 10/11yr. old. Good luck in this journey and stay strong for your family.
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Yes there is something, tell him in the same way as here. Or write him. Tell him that this one sided is a strain on the marriage.
Go anyway, don’t go see the kid if he’s being that way. Go and have fun without them.
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He barely has a Dad… and now he has to entertain you in that small precious time too? It’s an awful situation. I’d let the kid have his way.
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I would go she can’t tell you to stay out of country. Then I would tell my husband to grow a set of balls and stand up for me. He’s supposed to live you
I went through this when I was a child, he hates you because his mom and dad aren’t together, that was my reason,he will outgrow it when he gets older hopefully
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He only gets to interact with his dad on Sunday and he doesn’t want to share that time with anyone. He is 10 years old and just misses his dad. Let him have this time with his Dad when he gets a little older he will know you tried.
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I agree with other people. He doesn’t hate you, he doesn’t get a lot of time with his dad and feels like you are taking away from that. As a child I barely got any time with my dad and when I did he always brought one of his girkfriends and I was pissed and mad and would be really hateful towards them but it was just because I was hurt I didn’t get any time with my dad and they did. And then when it was my time they intruded on it.
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Go to Sweden with your husband. Have him introduce you to the ex and his kid and then tell them that you’re going to let them get the much needed time together while you go on an adventure. You’ve been the wife for 8 years. He’s 10. He’s a child and a child shouldn’t be able to control everything and then have a melt down when it didn’t go his way. So compromise. Go, but don’t stay with them.
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It’s not the son. It’s the baby mama. She is painting you in a bad light. And she’s obviously lying about you to her son.
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He’s just a hurting kid with his mom in his ear. Your husband should stick up for you. His sons feelings matter, but that doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like that. It’s ok to feel a certain way but you gotta treat people right.
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Very interesting the various remarks and how we view and determine the immediate importance of an plea for help and boom a response that leaves you in like awe!
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- Never force yourself upon a child. There are lots of reasons he may not be receiving your attempts. Keep being open and available but not pushy. It’s making an already difficult situation for him be even more difficult.
- Talk to your husband about the cursing at you. Being disrespectful isn’t ok for children or adults.
- If you go to Sweden don’t be pushy about being around him. In fact, Id stay back at the hotel and just be there when your husband gets back. They get such limited time together so u have to consider that and what’s best for the child.
- Read a book about step parenting. I think you will find your approach may be off putting to a 10 year old who’s not old enough to articulate his feelings.
Even if birth mom is bad talking you, your consistent, stable, non pushy presence will eventually win out and soften his heart enough to have those meaningful conversations. You cannot force a child to accept you it won’t go well. Pushy step parents aren’t fun. Ease up, figure out why he’s not warming up to you (maybe through some counseling) and then things will flow.
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Go but find something to do without them
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If I were u I would be on that plane to Sweden. Idk who his 10 yr old thinks he is being disrespectful to u like that but his dad should handle it. Bm needs to learn her place as well saying u can’t come lmao. Go ahead and go & book that hotel. Bring all the kids tf they trying it lol
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Calling you names and being disrespectful about address this with husband needs to stop
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I get how he feels. My dad’s whore homewrecked my family and I hated her and STILL do!
She tried to be my mom and cut off all my hair like a boy in 3rd grade 
Sweetie, the child is the product of his environment. In his eyes you are the reason why his dad is with you and your family.
I was that child once. Always missing my Dad. Sweden is pretty far away. Let your husband go with your full support.
Plan a get away and make some wonderful new memories with your children. Don’t Sweat what you can’t control. Release the pain. Verbally. Release yourself from the resentment. Tell yourself you are a good Mom and wife. You are worthy. You are loved. You are Blessed. You are Strong. You are deserving. You are Worthy.
I promise if you love Yourself more and be good to yourself it will get better.
This kids been taught that you are a monster who stole his Dad.
Only Time will show him differently.
My Step-Mom used to be mean to me because I was his baby girl. She manipulated our time. Purposely, treated me and my brother horrible when he was at work. My older sister she played nice to. But, when my sister was there she didn’t act that way.
My biological Mom has Bi-Polar. We went through hell as children.
She talked so much smack about my Dad. All untrue. He never did that to us.
Now I am 58. My sister died 6 years ago. My beautiful sister.
The dynamics have changed. Because over the year’s I learned to speak up. Say to her say it louder so my Dad can hear you.
We get along very well now.
Age 10 is hard. At that age my dad married her.
When he adopted her kids she told me and my brother were the Step kids now. I never forgot that. A couple of years ago I was about to leave to go home and right in front of my Dad she said she was so sorry for the things she said and did. Some she had told him about herself. Said she was terribly wrong and that she was proud to call me daughter.
I know our situation is different. Hopefully, some of it will hit home.
And, your husband needs to Own up to the fact that he is not helpful in regards to demands of respect for you. He probably feels guilty. But, that’s part of divorce.
Saying, to his son…I respect your feelings, sorry for your pain, my wife is great, she isn’t keeping me from you, and you will treat her with respect period.
Because the issue is the parent’s. They are condoning this bad behavior. What he needs is reassuring that no matter what he is loved, wanted and truly missed.
Hugs.
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Well he hardly has any time with his father let along trying to build a relationship with you. Also maybe the mother is telling him things like you are the reason he never sees his dad. Let his dad go and visit and spend time together since they never get it face to face. He should focus on his father and not building a relationship with someone else especially when the relationship with his father isn’t there. But I do think your husband should put a stop to him calling you names and stuff. And if you go the mother may not let your husband see his son at all.
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First wife may want you out of the picture for a reason.be good to the child no matter what he says.i would go along on the trip and make sure it was father son time and not father son and not father son and first wife time.he can come back to you when father son time is over.i would think of something great that I was going to do that the boy would love to do and tell him he.is welcome to come along.she might be saying that you don’t like him.but don’t take him cursing you.his father needs to stop that before the boy thinks it is OK to do.it is hard to like someone that calls you names.she might want to remarry one day herself and it could turn on first wife
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Let him have his time with his son, prove him wrong about how you are and show him you want him and his dad to be happy. Kids have to have someone to blame. Let him go see his son and write a letter for your husband to take for him to read stating your support for their relationship and that it breaks your heart that he has resentment against you and you’d love a chance to make it right…that you are here and ready when he is, but no pressure. And send like a 20$gift card to whatever you know he likes with it and then stay silent and give him time to ponder on it. Whatever you do don’t let it become between him and his dad or you may end up losing the husband too.
Blame the ex-wife not the child he’s been told to hate you. Sad but true.
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Young one, unfortunately your only feeling and hearing half of it. Sounds like his Momma is talking - negative maybe - or the fact that she (his mom) might be always reminding him - things would be different if his dad was around. The fact she doesn’t want you to come with him is a biggo sign, sweetie. Don’t blame the son - he doesn’t know you- only his mom. 
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To this child, you are the “other woman” that his dad started a new family with far away from him and his mom. Cut the kid some slack. I’m betting your husband feels like he is stuck in the middle between the two of you. This woman cannot keep you from going to Sweden. You are free to travel where you please but your husband and his son seem to need their time alone. Even if this child thinks he does not like you, you need to remain neutral and don’t make this harder on your husband than it needs to be. Kill them all with kindness. Be the adult and don’t get yourself wrapped up in any of this pettiness.
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It’s actually your husband fault that the 10 year old resents you. He needs to set the kid straight that your his wife and you will be going where he is going. A husband should take up for his wife. His ex should never be able to say whether you can come or not. It’s none of her business. Unless your husband starts being on your side your in a loosing battle and you may as well file for divorce because you will never be happy. Do not let them make you a rug where they can walk in.
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Stop the begging, time for your husband to be a man and find out why his son is acting like TA, is it his mom who is screwing up his mind? Please get a handle on this, there is no reason you shouldn’t be going with him, as well as your 2 kids. You are a family, whether the 2 in Sweden like it or not.
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What you see here is a situation the only God can heal and help. Without God in the midst of this it will never get resolved. Here is what Jesus said: “And he said unto them, ‘This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting.’” (Mark 9:29 KJV)
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Why is it that when people get together they think the kids should like them instantly. So the son hates you so what why would you care he don’t know you your nothing to him your his dads partner not his. Why should he like you what have you done to think that he should like you. Your stupid to think someone you haven’t met or talked to should like you all because your with his dad foolish idiot
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He’s 10, sounds like I’m a different country than his father who’s seeing you an your kids daily while son doesn’t…of course he hates you 
either y’all need to figure out how to get him to y’all more often or you’re gonna have to wait and hope as he gets older he realizes how hard a situation this is and gets over his resentment.
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Because ur the wife. Not his mom . It’s OK if he doesn’t like you… but have ur hubby handle the disrespect…
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Go on the trip if you want. It’s not her place to tell you where you can and cannot travel.
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There are many things to do in Sweden. While hubby see’s his kid you can do tourist things; however, make it clear you also want time with your husband.
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Your husband needs to have a talk with this kid and let him know that you are not going anywhere and that the name calling must stop.
I suspect this is all jealousy on the mom’s part and the kid has picked up on it.
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It more than likely is the ex talking to the child BUT your Husband needs to set boundaries for his Son. His Son needs to understand that you are his Wife and he is not to disrespect you even if he doesn’t care for you. So you really have TWO major problems. As for the child just give him space. You won’t get to know him across the Ocean and probably won’t see him much. Hopefully as he matures he will realize he has no reason to hate you.
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Sounds like your husband needs to grow up!
I understand a step-child not wanting you to interrupt games with his dad… as that is ‘their time’ … Just let them have ‘their time’ and bake cookies, etc, and make ‘their time’ special -
Let him go on the trip, but I would make it perfectly clear to the husband that you do appreciate the disrespect. Your husband needs to discuss this with his son. Your husband needs to make it clear to the ex-wife as well that he does not want either of them disrespecting you
Let him have time with his son. It is the ex that has taught him to hate you. He is a kid. Dont make it any harder on your husband or kid. Iam sure your husband feels guilty enough not being there for his son. Be the better women. Enjoy your time with your family and let it go. I have been the step parent and the step kid. I see both sides. You will never win him over under these circumstances. And you will cause trouble in your own marriage.
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Hi whats happening here is his son is 10 he’s easily influenced by an adult so could be brain washing example your dad left you for her and her kids daddy didn’t want you daddy doesn’t care she took daddy away from you ect ect so he could feel resentment not his fault not yr husbands iver he feels guilty he doesn’t spend the time with his son so when it’s Sunday it’s his sons time so you will get pushed aside but as yr an adult grit yr teeth and forget about it… What you can do is maybe write him a simple letter for dad to take to Sweden with him dad could read it to him say things like can’t wait to meet you can’t wait for you to come and stay with us can’t wait for you to meet yr brother or sister ect ect buy him a personal keepsake and say its from you to him…
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You can go to Sweden too, they don’t own it. Kid just sounds jealous dad is playing dad to a kid that’s not his and has another kid that he lives with and taking it out on you, or like others said it could be his mom telling him stuff…
Either way, it doesn’t excuse his behavior towards you. He doesn’t have to like you, but at least respect you. It’s not your fault his mom and dad not together, and he has to let dad live a life too…
Bottom line is the dad needs to put his foot down and say something.
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10 year olds don’t just automatically hate people for no reason, it’s either the ex-wife talking ish about you to him or he resents you because you are with his dad all the time and he does not get to see his dad like your kids do, or both
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Tell the mama shit or get off the pot both your husband and his kids must talk this over tell the x to get a life and grow the hell up
His son doesn’t want anyone else in his father’s eyes
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Go anyways because your a family now whether that boy and his momma like it or not
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you should go , because you are a family unit, they are trying to divide you, who are they to dictate ? they don’t know you & have no reason to treat you this way except for bad reasons. tell your husband that you know that he is excited to meeting his son, however it will not happen without you, tell him to put himself in your position & put the shoe on the other foot. im sure he wouldnt want you going off to sweden esp. if the prior baby daddy said he couldn’t come!
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My issue is the ex wife is saying the new wife can’t come with her family! She doesn’t have to be around the ex at all but I wouldn’t be ok for my husband to be alone in a different country with an ex. The entire set up is disrespectful to me.
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Pray to God that things will get better 
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sound like your hubby is theweakest link, can’t put hi foot down over his son. Baby mama has no say, he needs to put his big boy pants on and grow a pair
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If you genuinely never did anything to the son, you should not put up with this. Would you put up with your husband’s employee treating you this way? Would you let him cowtow to anyone else who is abusive and “hates” you? I mean, I can see if you and your husband had an affair and that’s why he hates you, you’re responsible for taking part in it, but if he forgives his Dad, he’s just being spiteful. It’s his parents duty to make sure he behaves. I would never have been allowed to treat adults like that as a kid, and I definitely hated some of them, but it just wouldn’t be allowed. The fact that your husband allows this is unacceptable. And his ex (is she the ex-wife or truly his baby mama, because if they were married, it’s disrespectful to call her BM) has no right to tell you where you can travel. Regardless, he’s married to YOU now, and that kid needs to learn how to cope with people he dislikes. We all need to learn how to get along with people we despise, and we should learn that from our parents, who are supposed to teach us how to behave.
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The kid is jealous because he doesn’t get a lot of time with his dad and you came into his one on one time, even if it’s just online. Give them space. Also, I wouldn’t go to Sweden. The kid deserves alone time with dad. Does it suck for you? Sure. But at the end of the day it’s about the kids and their feelings. Kids who don’t live with a parent feel left out of sooooo much stuff, especially when they see other kids get that time with their parent. It hurts and it’s hard and they don’t have the emotional capacity to see it from other perspectives except their own. There’s a possibility that the mom is also feeding him things and pushing him against you, but honestly it’s also possible that he’s just jealous of all the time you already get with his dad and feels like you’re trying to get his time with him too.
He’s 10 yrs. old!! He’s been swayed by his mother! No matter how it hurts you, just be kind! One day he will grow up! Your husband on the other hand, needs to grow up!! I have my doubts about him!! Best wishes for you!!
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I still hate the chick that ran off with my father, he probably feels like you’re the reason his family is broken sadly
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Of your husband isn’t standing up for you there’s a serious problem.
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Your husband needs to start being a “Parent” and not so much a “Friend” and needs to set boundaries and also teach his “Petulant” brat some respect
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Your husband should stand up for you. He is the part of the problem. If he still going without you, then be prepared to let him go. Sounds like he don’t value your feelings
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He’s allowing his son to disrespect you like this. I’m wondering how involved he treats the father. He’s 10. Set your foot down. Get control or the child will. Show this child that he won’t control you. Or just leave. I hate being cold about this. But this kid has to much control.
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Its not your fault his dad isn’t in Sweden & it’s not like he lives n hour away. He’s upset I’m sure cause he’s not there w his dad. He’s jealous & I’m sure the ex is making it worse. But no child.or ex would dictate whether u come.or not. Set your man straight that you are going too
Your so called husband should have addressed this a long time ago. No parent should let a child disrespect the other parent. Your husband holds the cards and you are his family and should not allow anyone to treat you bad. If your husband isn’t going to address this then you shoud.figure where his prioritizes are, then I would take him for all I could, the house, child support, alimony, his retirement. let.him know what it’s like to be put.on the back burner. !
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Just let them be. U just said u don’t v control of the situation that’s becos u can only control ur reaction and what u do. So focus on what u can control and leave them be.
This was many years ago. I had a step son that compared everything that I did to the way his mom did them. One day I had simply had enough. I took him aside and told him that I was not his mom nor was I trying to replace her. I told him that by all means was he to always respect his mom. That I would be there for him no matter what. I would not ever do things the way his mom did them. A few weeks later I got a call from the school saying that my step son had gotten into some trouble and that I was the person he wanted to call. I immediately left work and went to the school. Upon hearing the miniscule of problem I stuck up for my step son. He was just having a bad day and he had tried telling the teacher that he just didnt feel like participating in a certain activity. I am a firm believer that everyone has a day that they just dont feel like joining in. Even a child has those days. I told the teacher this same thing. I asked if they could try again tomorrow that he may feel like being a part. Bamb it worked. I think my then 14 year old step son just needed to know that I was in his corner. From that day on if my step son had a problem even when he broke his arm it was I that he called. He is now 50 years old and has always always showed me more respect than most biological children show thier parents. Good luck. God bless.
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You have two choices: accept the situation as is and have nothing to do with the son. Or walk away from your marriage. You cannot dictate other peoples actions.