My In-Laws Are Demanding That I Allow Them In The Delivery Room: Help!


"My mother-in-law is demanding that I let her and my sister-in-law in the delivery room with me…what do I even do? I am not close to either of them and won’t feel comfortable with them staring straight into my vag as I go through something very personal, and for the first time…my husband said I am selfish because this is their family too, but I really don’t want them in there and feel like they are taking away something that is supposed to be a very happy moment for me. I would prefer it if it were my mom and my husband, but he is mad, and I don’t know how to go about this…

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“Just tell them. You are giving birth DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. I think your mom and husband is the OBVIOUS CHOICE. And if he doesn’t like it HE CAN SIT IN THE WAITING ROOM with mom and sis. Stand up for yourself and your baby now because it doesn’t sound like hubby has your back at all.”

“Set things up NOW with boundaries, starting with this, or it will only get worse. Saying “NO” as a sentence is essential for not only you but your baby. You can do this plus tell the nurses that only your husband is allowed in the delivery room, and they will make sure no one busts in. This is YOUR family’s moment, a very vulnerable one for you as well, don’t let anyone take it from you.”

“A lot of maternity nurses don’t mind letting certain people know they can’t go in delivery. Voice your feelings with them, I’m sure they will tell them the only dad is allowed in the room.”

“Tell them they can wait outside I don’t understand why people think they need to be right in there. This is really about mom and partner. If you say no then your partner needs to back you. I never had an audience and I am not sure why they need to be that involved. They can get over it. I’m sorry they don’t understand.”

“Say no and mean it. If on the day they try to come in and you say no they’ll be escorted out anyway. Your husband really needs to wake up and realize that you are totally normal for not wanting them in with you.”

“Tell them okay they can come but call labor and delivery beforehand and tell the nurses you do not want anyone but husband there. Nurses will take care of that “problem” for you.”

“You’re having a baby. In-laws don’t get to demand ANYTHING. EVER. YOU set the boundaries and they have no choice but to abide. And frankly, your husband should be supporting you from now on, not them. You’re his wife and mother of his children.”

“My family was the same way…I expressed my concerns to my nurse and she said I got you! Just ask for a purple popsicle and that was the code for clear the room. When it came time to push (or try, I ended in C-section), my nurse made sure it was just my husband and I. She took away the burden of me looking like the bad person.”

““No.” is a complete sentence. They can come visit afterwards. No one is entitled to be in the room with you during your most vulnerable moment. I’m actually surprised that it’s even an option for you to have more than 1-2 people considering COVID. Not to mention if you end up unexpectedly needing a c-section, they won’t be able to be in the room for the birth anyway. As far as your husband goes, I’d tell him that if HE insists on being selfish and stressing you out about it, that he can wait outside with his mama too. Good grief, it’s a medical procedure not a blockbuster event.”

“Honestly most hospitals don’t allow anyone but father/birthing support person right now. Covid might save you from even having to tell them no.”

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I would tell you husband you can’t respect my wishes fine…. Both of you are not allowed in the room. Simple. He will reconsider cause is not up to them

i would tell him, that youll file for divorce if the in laws are allowed in during the birth. Put the foot down, and tell the nurses to make sure they dont get in. you dont need that kind of stress,its not good for you or baby

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You are the one giving birth. You control who is in the room. Frankly, I am concerned with your husband’s behavior. He needs to have your back, not just on this but whenever there is pushback from his family, esp w the baby. Labor and delivery is intensely personal and vulnerable. The last thing you need is the stress of your in laws violating your space and seeing what very much is private.
I might consider a compromise where it is just the two of you, but if it is very important for you to have your mom there, then by all means. Your baby, your rules…but as between you and your husband, you have veto over this nonsense. When he pushes a baby out of his privates he can have his mom and sister there all he wants.