My In Laws Do Not Hand Our Baby Back When We Ask

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"Need some advice on how to handle my in laws not handing back the baby when I reach for her or ask? Recently I’ve noticed that when my husband’s family holds our daughter and I go to take her back or ask for her back they either won’t let her go or ignore me. I didn’t realize it at first but it’s happened a few times now and it really bothers me. What’s a good way to approach this without hurting feelings or coming across rude? Any other mamas experience this?"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Yes my In-Laws always did this. Especially my MIL’s Mother. It bothered me because everytime they’d come to visit it was a constant overstepping of boundaries and making unnecessary overload of comments on my baby’s looks always resembling her Dad or her Dad’s side of the family. I was always left out and pushed out of the picture when my baby was a still a little baby. For me I noticed when she was done holding my baby she would always pass her off to another family member (even the young kids) rather than giving her back to me. My PPD & PPA problems were at their highest back then so it was really stressful having people around all the time and taking my baby off my arms. They’re better now that my Daughter is walking, and refusing cuddles lol. All she wants to do is explore, so they don’t bother her or me much these days. Just be assertive and take your baby from their arms, even if they’re hesitant or resist just do it. They need to respect your title as Mum, you carried and pushed that baby out, it’s not their child, but yours. Hope things get better and good luck"

"Say something to your husband and let him know how you feel and that the next time it happens he needs to address it and if he doesn’t…tell them how it is, get your baby and let them know until they respect you they won’t see her anymore. She’s your child and they should respect that."

"With it being in laws I think your husband needs to step up and kind of lead that conversation, "we know you all love the baby and we appreciate it and are so grateful but we have noticed that when we ask for her back you do not listen, please respect our wishes with baby or unfortunately we won’t be inclined to come around as much." Or simply ask they ignore and go grab her back."

"Don’t leave it to your husband. Girl, that is YOUR child. If they decide to ignore you, you walk up and take your child back. They don’t get to ignore you. And it shouldn’t be up to your husband. You have a voice and opinion. Use it. And if they can’t respect you, they don’t get to hold her or see her anymore"

"It’s your baby, why are you asking? Just reach out and pick her up. No permission needed."

"You walk up and take your child."

"Is your anxiety driven up when someone holds your baby too long, especially of the baby starts crying? Mine always did. And it’s perfectly normal and a natural response. I would just mention that you get anxious and you’d like your baby back when asked, because when they withhold you get more anxious and makes the visit very negative and you want visits to always be positive for everyone involved."

"By walking over and saying something like ‘I’ll take the baby now.’ No questions, answers or bullshit. Direct statement and action."

"Why are you asking for the baby back? IF care or feeding is needed ask them to help. Unless breastfeeding. Let them enjoy her and be thankful they are involved and care."

"I feel like they’re already being rude by ignoring you, not respecting you as the parent. Yeah it’s great they’re involved, but that doesn’t give a pass to ignore you…it is your baby…"

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