Im a mom of 3 and im raising my kids the best i can, ever since our middle child was born the eldest whose 10 just stopped listening and following the house rules, his being very rebellious. Ive tried talking to him,shouting him, heck when he came home 4 hours late i even gave him a spank but nothing seems to help. My 3yr old is jealous because we have a 2month old and he constantly throws tantrums and hits the baby. Can anyone advise me how to make my kids get over this jealousy. I give them all time and show them constantly that they are not pushed aside because theres another baby, i feel as if im even neglecting the baby. Somedays it becomes so overwhelming for me. I cry and feel like ive failed as a mom, my husband helps out when his home and always takes the kids and gives me some me time. His really helpful
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kids are jealous of baby: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Maybe the oldest doesn’t feel wanted. Make sure you spend time with them one on one. And all together. Include them. Like have them help with things for the baby.
Maybe don’t spank him, it obviously didn’t even get your desired results.
Have you tried talking to him?
Hugs. I have no real advice but thankfully my kids accepted each other. I have 3 too. They are now 24, 17 and 12. Maybe take the other 2 one at a time to have alone time on separate days a week for a reward. That’s what I did with all our kids. Seemed to help having alone time with me. Then out as family on a weekend day. Just suggesting what I did and it seemed to work for us. Best wishes. Hang in there. Hugs
A ten year old came home four hours late??? Where was he and why were you not already looking for him???
Take the oldest kids out alone sometimes
Love is how you make this work it will take time but love hugs personal one on one time is what’s going to make a different shouting and spanking only make the child think they’re not wanted even more
Spend one on one time with each kid, they need that.
I’d recommend some one on one mom/dad dates with the two oldest. Let them choose a place to eat and an activity to do.
ALL Great advice here.
No spanking. No allowing to hit. Lots of activities Praise and rewards for being a great older brother or sister rewards for family function as an inclusive WHOLE.
Therapy for the oldest. He is old enough to know better for sure. The younger one task him things to help with the baby. Make him feel like he is an important big brother. I have 4 kids and pregnant with baby number 5 I have been through it over and over again. But these things truly help!
Your gonna need to try to encourage them helping with the baby so they feel involved and definitely try to squeeze in more one on one time with your 10 year old and 3 year old maybe make them their favorite meal and ask them what they wanna do and give a list of activities to do around the house, maybe see if you have a family member or friend that can come and keep an eye on your 2 month old while you spend time with just one or the both of them
Each child needs individual time. As hard as that is it’s super important. Maybe the oldest does not feel wanted?
Sounds like your parenting g style isn’t working. A 10 year missing and coming home 4 hours late? Why didn’t you go get his ass? 2 year old are 2 year Olds. They do what they do but you as a mother need to watch your 10 year old a bit better. No way in hell my kids would disappear and come home 4 hours late. Jesus at 10 they weren’t let out of my yard and my site. Poor parenting
Um why is the 10yo running free to even be 4 hours late?!? And how did you not call the police? Also spanking isn’t going to help when you have a child that’s hitting. It just reinforces that hitting is ok. It’s prob a good idea to get into family therapy. You can work on getting to the bottom of it and implement new parenting techniques that work for your family unit. Is it possible with a new baby and dad not being around they’re just lashing out?
Start one on one dates
Kids mimic our actions and words. Your 3 year old is most likely hitting the baby because he sees you spanking your 10 year old. 10 year old has been acting like this since middle child was born, so for 3 years? Gunna be tough to reverse that behavior- start with tons of one on one time and setting strict boundaries, even if it’s only a couple at a time. (I’m thoroughly confused by the ten year old being four hours late and I’m really hoping it’s some kind of typo- what ten year old is allowed to go somewhere without the parent or other responsible adult or no form of communication possible? If this is the case, that’s also a major contributing problem and needs to stop)
You can do the it the ole fashioned way and put him in the corner on his tippy toes for like 30 mins or the iron chair did me up pretty good a couple text books on the arms
Set aside a few minutes for each child to have their own time with you.
Sad, but this is normal. Time for a family meeting. Ask them for help and solutions to this problem. It doesn’t help that the eldest is entering the dreaded hormone poisoned teenage years. Let them know that rules WILL be enforced. Spanking time is over. They are too old for that to be effective anymore.
All I’m going to say is you better keep a close eye on your 2 month old infant before the 3 yr old seriously hursts him!!!
Therapy and one on one with each child
Welcome to motherhood!! Teach your 3 year old that their new sibling is a gift and should be treasured!
Do activities that they all will enjoy together. I’ve been in this battle for 3 years and this is the ONLY method that works. One on work while effective is unrealistic. You always have 3 other kids. The park. The jump zone.
Don’t hit your children. They will hit eachother when they’re angry because they think it’s what you’re suppose to do when you get angry. Instead, don’t yell at your children either, talk to them and rebuild your mama bond with them individually. Do activities with them and include them even if you have a baby on your arm. Spend one on one time with them.
I have a 20 yr old and a 12 year old. What works for me is talking to them a lot… sometimes… id go in their rooms and pick up after them just to give me a reason to hang around and talk to them. I also ask them to help me put up home decors and ask them where they might think something should go. When I cook dinner… sometimes I ask them to come help just for conversation.
It doesn’t matter really what activities they are… just make them feel important and that their thoughts matter and that their opinions are important.
If you just co-exist with them in the house… they really feel more alone than anything. Spend one on one time with them mama.
Your kids are not jealous…
The issue here is the house rules… following the house rules and or consequences…
10 years old and 4 hours late? Care to explain that???
When is it ever appropriate for a 10-year-old to be anywhere not chaperoned ???
If you really want to fix this issue it’s gonna take a lot of work from YOU, because you’re the issue the kids are only doing what they’re allowed to do and what they can get away with. Do you have a friend or family member that are strict and or their kids are respectable and well behaved? Sit down and talk to them get a game plan, set down write your house rules and write a list of consequences for your 10-year-old and your three year old. When they break the rule you follow through with the consequence. Your husband already sounds like he’s on board with helping you which is wonderful kudos to him!! You got this sweetheart! Children do not come with instruction guides… you’re doing a good job by asking you how to improve your home situation to make a better life your kids is awesome that tells me you care and love your kids and want the best for them!! 
Negative Attention! Your children are loving the the drama they are feeding off of negative attention. You created a monster in the past, by saying yes to everything. Take back the power quick. Start by speaking to them individually and really listen. Give each one an assignment, weather it be earning something for chores. Make them responsible but make them feel important. They need good ole fashion love, hugs and understanding. All which is free. Carry out their needs and communicate and listen, really listen to them. Include them in helping you too, so they can feel appreciated and in return respect & appreciate you.
Sit the older two down and explain you are struggling… ask them for help. Age appropriate of course, but you might be able to connect that way♥️
There’s been a shift in attention. Naturally, the baby gets most of it and the others are vying for more attention. This is common. Yelling and spanking won’t work. Consider family therapy to provide everyone a safe, neutral place to express themselves with the help of a trained moderator (the therapist).
Have you tried spending individual time with each of them? Choose a high quality individual activity that’s just the two of you. It lets them know they are important and it’s a good opportunity to talk and connect. You’ll also get a lot of good info and insight into their minds too.
So there are family counselors/ therapist that can help you communicate with the 10 yr old, help the 10 yr old be heard and give you tools to help the 3 year old plus keep baby safe. It’s alright to seek help. You are doing a great job momma, don’t give up. Also I pray for my children daily, I can fail them God will not. Hugs 
Take the kids on a date with just you and each one separately
As for the 3 yr old, maybe teach him to be a big brother. Read to him( and yes I know he really can’t read, but make believe is good) have him sing songs to the baby. Tell the baby what he did that day. As for your 10 yr old, ground him, take everything away. But please continue to talk to him. Also ask him how school is, did he make any new friends in school. Etc
Spend alone time with the other children.
The new baby should have been talked about and prepared for before it arrived. Especially with the toddler. You have made it harder on yourself. You need to give the toddler one on one time. Turn them into your/the baby special helper make them feel loved and important.
Family meeting with the older one. Actions have consequences
Your husband needs have a big talk with these kids. Any in front of you. Better take care of it now before it gets worse.
When my daughter acts out because her little brother is getting attention I ignore the behavior and say “You are acting negative right now. Come to me when you have calmed down and can be positive. Works 99% of the time.
I’d like to know too… I’m going to be in that situation in around 6 months…
I’m a little concerned about the 10 year old coming home 4 hours late. I can’t think of anywhere that a 10 year old should be, unaccompanied, for 4 or more hours.
That aside, you may think that you’re equally dividing your attention between them, but they seem to disagree.
It’s absolutely important for your husband to help and allow you some personal time, as you should do for him. But the kids need one on one time as well. Have a family member or friend watch the 3 year old and 2 month old while you and your husband take the 10 year old out somewhere for one-on-one time. Then take the 3 year old out for one-on-one time. If you don’t have anyone to watch them, have Dad watch them while you take them out for one-on-one time.
Also, include them. My oldest two (twins) were 5 when my son was born, my oldest two were 10 and my son 5 when my youngest was born. I always included the older ones with the younger one. Everything from them “helping” me feed the baby to bath the baby to dressing the baby. I let the older ones pick out what the baby wore. I let them “babysit, which consisted of sitting with baby while in the play pen, swing or bouncer in the living room while I was in the kitchen making a bottle, or going to the bathroom or loading the dishwasher.
Well family counseling may help 10 year old behavior, possibly behavioral specialist. 3 yro keep separate from baby when in a foul mood if possible and reaffirm not to hit. Including 3yro could help (have them hand you something for baby or grab you a clean diaper or such and praise them “you’re SUCH a good helper! You’re getting so big!” “Wow, so wonderful how you got that so quickly!”
You can get your three year old a baby doll and encourage play with the baby doll and also involve them by having them help with things like making a baby bottle and rewarding their help with treats and fun stuff
Stop blaming baby= stop telling middle child you cant play with him because if the baby instead say at this time I will beable to play with you if you blame the baby the child will get jealous or mad that this child is even around
First, let’s address your 10 year old coming home four hours late!! What?!?!?! What 10 year old has that type of leeway when it comes to something like being on time?!?!? Sounds like too much freedom. Not like it’s the 1960’s.
Secondly, it sounds like some motherly time with the kids, one-on-one would do right for the entire family.
When your husband is home (say on the weekend), you could take the 10 year old out for some mom time. A movie, the zoo, etc. Same goes for the three year old.
It sounds like they are craving some time with you.
Hopefully this helps.
U need to ground that 10.uear old when be acts up take everything away for a few days.
I had 3 kids close together - they will work it out -