My kids destroy everything they touch: Help!

Oh hell no, leave them with no toys. Breaking windows and any toy given shows a clear lack of respect for anything including you and your husband. By the age of 5, respect should be being taught and if they can’t respect the things they are given then they don’t need to have it. Children need a roof, bed, clothes, and food… are stimulating toys a good thing…yep…but that cost real money and until they learn to respect and appreciate that they are privileged enough to have any kind of toys…then they don’t need to have shit. I do agree that toys like logos or building blocks are a good choice for stimulation. My 9 year old step daughter knows better, either appreciate what you are privileged to have or lose it entirely. She has been made to donate toys/clothes every single year before her birthday/Christmas to children who aren’t as privileged. The comment above mine has a very valid idea as well.

Have you had a talk with them about why they want to break things? Sounds like taking away and avoidance hasn’t worked. Have an age appropriate conversation and find out WHY, then set them up for success by helping them thru those feelings.

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The photos you see of picture perfect homes with the nice, neat play areas are nothing but a fantasy. Kids are messy, loud tornados that basically destroy anything they can… I will say it gets better as they get around 10 but before that they don’t give a crap about their stuff or yours.

Buy Fisher Price or other mostly unbreakable toys, have the kids professionally evaluated for ADHD, autism, and other things that present as behavioral issues.

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You can discipline doesn’t mean beating them you can do it in lots of different ways

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I would literally take away everything. Everything in their room, their toys. At 8 years old, a child know right from wrong when just destroy toys or the house.

Maybe buy cheap toys and YOU and your husband break them… see how they like it? Let them get excited & then break them, then throw it in the trash right then? Show them that if they break another toy it can go straight into the trash… then not buy another.

Might sound crazy but I would literally be trying anything….

Is discipline an option?

It’s called ADHD, call a specialist and get them seen, or even take them to their pediatrician and they can prescribe them the medication.

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You have to teach them the values of things in order for them to value it

Did you start boundaries from early on? I am very hot on this even with my grandchildren. Children need boundaries and discipline. They need to know there are consequences if they go beyond the rules you set.
I’m sorry but I think tooany labels get put on things these days.

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What kind of consequences are you giving them?

I thought it was pretty normal for toddlers to destroy toys, maybe not the older kids but never known many toddlers that didn’t go hard on their toys :woman_shrugging: my son can be rough with his toys which is idk not surprising. But he also knows how to calm down and be nice to his stuff. Ik sometimes he gets angry and wants to break a toy because of it, hell honestly I wanna break shit too when I’m mad, I always just try to get him to hit his bed or pillow to get the frustration out or our couch (he’s 3 with his big emotions), I might get frustrated if he messes up a toy I paid good money for but at the same time it’s easier to redirect and let him get his anger out in hitting a pillow versus hitting his toy or breaking it apart. Also better than whooping him? Im not against whooping but when it comes to this it’s revolving around a child’s emotions that’s coming out in the form of destructive behavior. Being over stimulated can cause this, being so hyper with nothing to burn it off can cause this, but anger or other emotions can also cause this. Whooping a child over breaking toys because their emotions have gotten the best of them is not the way when they themselves don’t hardly understand how to deal with what they feel.

Welcome to parenthood

My stepson destroyed everything - even gifts he was given. He eventually graduated to violent behavior towards his brother, and his teachers. I am sorry that I have no words of wisdom, but I think you have a battle on your hands for many years to come…

And by value I don’t mean just dollar value. For example, if you break the windows snow can get in and we will be cold. Plus, have them work off the cost of repairs.

When my son destroys things there are consequences. No tablet or he has to do chores. He loathes chores. So if the toy was worth $5. That’s 5 chores. Not easy chores either.

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If you break your toys, you no longer have toys to play with, etc.

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Sounds like they need to be on adhd meds. I would suggest talking to their doctor and getting them evaluated

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My kids when younger, they are grown now, were destroying my house, their really nice clothes and toys. I spanked them and started not getting them nice things. They stopped their destructive behavior. SPANKINGS DO WORK. IF YOU DONT CONTROL, YES CONTROL, THEM THEY WILL BE AGRESSIVE BULLIES AND YOU WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING. You control or they control…you are the parent and should never allow destructive or disrespectful behavior.

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How many kids are we talking about here? You may have more kids than you can handle. Maybe you should sell a couple to pay for the damages? (kidding) Seriously, taking away their toys and sending them outside to play, taking them on long exhausting walks and getting the extra energy out of them will do wonders. A spanking here and there might straighten them out too.

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Have them earn money by chores and buy their own stuff, they’ll learn value of money real quick. Teach the importance of saving too.

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I’m not saying your kids aren’t rowdy but have you looked at kids toys today they break their crap their cheaply made! Even the expensive toys are crap and cheap.

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One can of Whoopass daily until symptoms abate.

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Honestly just punishing them is not teaching them anything. You have to instill values in them.

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And also pick and choose your battles. Some things aren’t worth the fuss.

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Sounds like you let them get away with it once they started doing it and now they don’t think that they have to listen to you.

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I mean the natural consequence to breaking a toy is that it’s broken and they no longer have toys to play with because they broke them.

The logical consequence to them breaking windows (HAZARDOUS!!!) is that they’re not left unsupervised and they can’t have anything that they can use to break glass with for their own safety. Sponge toys and soft books would be their entertainment and I would guide them in clean up of the messes they make because, cleaning is a life skill we ALL need to learn.

Keep being consistent! It will take about 6months. My son did the same.

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I feel you …. We went through 7 TVs in 2 years …

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Momma,
I definitely will not bash you about this. I deal with similar behaviors with my children. However, if they want to play with broken toys, that’s their choice. Kids are destructive. Have you talked with your pediatrician? For my daughter that’s destructive, it’s because she has other behavior challenges that we have to address.

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Definitely need more discipline. And they really need a better outlet for all that energy like a trampoline or a tree house. But if you find a disciplinary action that lets them know “ok don’t do that again” they will behave better. And and outlet for the energy is best suited for a park play ground

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Sounds like ADHD like my nephew who literally put tablet down and jumped on it and broke the screen just because he broke his bed he broke my tv he broke his new toy soooo yeah I would have them checked

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 I have a quick question … what is the age range and that is some really destructive stuff that they’re doing where on earth would they ever think that they could kick windows out of houses that’s not normal and I’m sorry to say that but it’s not you’re gonna have to lay hands ma’am I’m sorry to say you’re just gonna have to do it… They have no respect for you clearly and no respect for anybody’s property And asking Facebook how to remedy the situation is not the smartest of moves. that Says a lot more than you think it does. :woman_facepalming:t2:

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Some kid’s talking works & you got the one’s who u have to Spank…Do it a nuff time trust me it works …old school

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We made a play room. I’m just waiting for them to grow up more. I feel you. :expressionless: my gf has 4 I have 1. Ages 3,5,6,10,12- pray for me.

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If they break a toy, provide immediate reinforcement. Throw the toy away and immediate timeout. No talking, no stimulation, no response from you, no interaction from others, just your supervision of the process. Chair facing a corner for at least 5 minutes (maybe longer for older kids) before you engage with them again. Put a seatbelt on the chair if you need to so they stay in it. Or have them kneel in the corner. They need a consequence other than just a broken toy. They will catch on pretty quick that they get nothing when they do this and if the child needs stimulation, this is a consequence for their actions that they will absolutely hate and want to avoid at all costs.

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I have a 4yo and 2yo and thought this was just standard behaviour, not the destroying of the house but definitely the toys. Not necessarily on purpose but they do break things a lot, I figured they’re just heavy handed. Have you sat down and asked them why they do it with their toys? If it’s because they aren’t bothered about them, get them to donate some so their choices aren’t as vast when it comes to free play. Definitely make some changes, ie if someone breaks a toy they have to do a chore. Punishments need to be directly following the action where possible

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My boy is the same way ass whooping don’t help making him throw them away. Do chores or have nothing hasn’t worked either. It’s constant direct supervision. Don’t dare look away. It’s an attention st all coats thing

More discipline. What do you do for discipline other than take away toys?? What about privileges?

I have 3 small children a 6 year old son and twin girls that are exactly a year younger than he is … no advice here to follow for tips and tricks myself… hang in there mama

So sad, I’m sorry you have to deal with this but maybe you’ll find some good suggestions in SOME of these comments. I know what I would do BUT I can’t say it here

My kids have done the same thing. Windows were broken from past incidents with my brother and I as a child, and my kids have taken wallpaper off to draw on the stairway walls. My oldest is 8. He’s the one who’s done all of this coloring. He might occasionally draw on a chair still, but he’s grown out of it. Almost all by himself.
My youngest is an absolute handful. Probably the worst kid I’ve seen so far. He’s 4. We try to redirect. But to us, it’s a waiting game. You simply have to wait until they’re old enough to understand these issues.
You can physically punish all you want, you can strip rooms all you want. But it will not change until they have that mentality growth.

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My kids are the same way. Can’t have blinds or curtains because they break them & pull the rods down. They broke the zipper on the sofa cushion & are slowly destroying the foam. They don’t really break their stuff. They know I won’t replace it. I wish I could help you. I just don’t get it.

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Sounds like a old-school ass whoopin and taking all there stuff away

My kids are 12, 8 and 5 and do exactly this all of the time. We have drywall holes, drawings everywhere, and just had to throw out our 4 year old couch because it was ripped completely and broken completely. :upside_down_face:

Do they play outside alot? running…jumping riding bicycles etc…they need to use up all that energy… also speak with your doctors …I amagi e there is something else going on… I would may e see about getting g them tested…also do they go to school? How do they behave in that environment verses home?

Yes! Me too!!! I just buy my boys indestructible toys now at least they last longer! Good luck girl :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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I have 7 kids. Destroying toys is pretty normal… the rest, OH HELL NO. They already know both mom and dad have hands ready for their butts :no_good_woman::no_good_woman::no_good_woman::no_good_woman:

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Give them a good old fashioned a** whipping a tome or two and they’ll behave remember you’re the parent

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Face reality you do not correct them one time punished next time not they will only get worst adhd and hall others do not act like this

An occupational therapist will help wonders. They can help evaluate them for ADHD, ODD, etc. They can also provide behavioral therapy and help with that as well. I would take away screen time, no TV, no tablet, or cell phones and have them outside. I’d make a chore chart, and let them help with responsibilities at home, if they have good behavior, they can be rewarded. If they choose to destroy what they’re awarded with, then they can start all over again with their chores and having to earn their toys. Toys are a privilege, not a necessity and they need to learn that as well. It’s hard having to take the extra steps but you know what’s best for your household. My daughter was the same when she was smaller, ADHD and ODD (I highly recommend you researching this as well and see if ODD could be a culprit so you can address it with their pediatrician) we’re the culprit for us. I went as far as having some officers come out to talk to her and tell her that destroying things at home is not okay, that helped a lot because she seen that there can be consequences to her actions. A trampoline honestly helped us, as we didn’t have a lot of yard space but she would spend hours jumping and burning energy. I also at one point made her bag all her toys up, and we donated then to a local children’s home for kids who were less fortunate than her, and who were well behaved and deserved toys. We started over with just her bed and dresser and nothing more. She had to earn every single toy after that by chores and behaving. That’s what worked for us, and I know that might now be the best for every child but I was desperate to find a solution. I hope your able to find a solution that works for you and your household mama!

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Maybe give toys that are okay to tear up. Building toys as well as outdoor get dirty stuff. My kids were not breakers but love art projects and games. I know they are not people but animals many times need toys to destruct think enrichment at zoos. Some kids are more hands on. Taking apart and putting back together can help the more mechanically inclined child excel.

Time out generation, get out the belt! and use it.

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Get them toys they can break. My ex husband was like this when he was younger. His mom started going to goodwill and getting clocks didn’t matter if they worked or not. And it made my ex happy to take them apart and put them back together. Weather they worked again didn’t matter. Hes a master certificated automechanic

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Oh wow. They need to learn the value of :moneybag: money and possessions. I’m guessing boys. Do they do this at school? If not, they do not respect the home. It’s time to buckle down and make rules with consequences. They should be doing chores and learning live lessons. Like cooking breakfast or making food. :thinking:

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I don’t see how this is funny?? Clearly there are alot of childish people that don’t have to deal with these hard situations surrounding the kids in this group. I KNOW how hard that is and can be! And I’m sorry your going through it. My best advice would be to take them outside to play most of the day except for eating until they can behave better. That’s what I do with mine and they come in at night tired, ready to take a bath and go to bed. And you make sure you get some time to yourself to just breathe and take a break so the stress doesn’t eat you alive.

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Do you discipline them other than just taking toys away? Needs to be some other form so that they learn.

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I big issue for most kids these days if they have way to many toys and “ im not judging here” !! Same issue but my mother in law has raised a lot of kids and has it figured out you Take the toys they play with a few and put the rest in storage somewhere every now and then rotate them out this will be like new toys and my kids do way better because they only have a few toys :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: ps way easier to clean !! And we stopped buy toys every time we were at the store !! That was a big one :grimacing::woman_facepalming:t3:they are at the age where we are now starting chores listing ears ect if they falls threw when we go to the store now earned goodie that’s why it’s calls that that’s what my kids says lol they figured that out quick they are a lot smarter and understand a lot more then they let on

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I know they are still a bit young but ADHD may be a consideration. The doctors described that to me as the brain having no breaks. So they don’t stop and think of consequences. Also monitor what they eat. As much as you can take out chips and sugars as well as dyes. My daughter was impossible to handle once she had any of these items. Maybe speak to a Nutritionist. Best of luck mamma.

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How old are your children ? How many kids ? Hands on activities like sandbox, swings, bicycle riding is needed. Let them make the world outside their toys. We used to play house in the woods by raking areas for rooms. Water ( swimming) is a great stimulate. Water table outside with funnels. Bubbles. Balls to throw, bounce, kick, chase. Make the use their minds to stimulate playing time. When you use consequences, , like taking favorite items away, you can’t allow something favorite to fill it’s place…chores fill in… rack leaves, or grass… doing dishes by hand. Laundry…sort clothes, wash clothes, hang out to dry. Fold clothes, put them away. . Car washing. reading and learning & then explain to whole family. Hiking, tennis, basketball. Painting rocks for display. Clay molding. Science projects. Washing windows, dusting, garbage !!! Doggie poo clean up…

Jarod Thompson read this thread

I have all boys, and naturally they are rowdy and there is nothing gentle about them. I did learn consistency is key. If you don’t believe in a SWAT on the butt and prefer timeout then it can’t be enjoyable. My boys stood in the corner nose as close to wall with their arms straight above their head not touching the wall for every minute at their age any time their arms would start to drop I would get on them and have them put them back up it is not fun to stay in there with your arm straight up. Sitting in a chair is too relaxing. you also have to take away things they enjoy and make them earn them back. Another good tool that will also benefit you is doing a chore like wiping the walls or baseboards… boys You can make them go out and dig a hole giving them a certain dimension that they have to dig that doesn’t benefit you, but it releases energy teaches them some labor work- I would only do this for the older ones 7-8 yrs and eventually above as they get older

It’s called being a spoilt bastard and not understanding discipline. .

Stop replacing things for a while. Get other therapists involved. Keep calm but structured

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Ever going camping/hiking with them? Make connections and lasting memories.

It sounds like they’ve been left to amuse themselves for too long and get attention when they “destroy things”
Taking their things is the last thing you should do
Play. With. Them.

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I agree with others, they break their toys on purpose then they throw them and don’t replace them.

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Make them do housework to earn money they can use to buy their own toys when they earn enough. If they break it then they gotta work to earn more money

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Shop for toys at goodwill

You have not mentioned consequences other than taking broken toys away, and monitoring play time. I really don’t see that as a consequence.

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I almost thought this was going to be about dogs at the end :rofl::woman_facepalming: no advice but sending prayers for you guys!

Don’t buy them toys. Teach them responsibility.

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Mama I get it. I have 2 older boys (9 yrs olds). They often break toys ( normally already used a bit and not new looking) just cause. They’re not usual mad when they do it. Once I found melted army men cause we had a candle going. Only happened once but these things happen and then address them. Your boys are 8? They know what they’re doing when they break toys. Maybe try to make a loose schedule. Like art time (we have a box of paint stuff, all $1 tree stuff) or outside time ( we have a tub of toys outside, along with nerf guns and bullet, scooters, bikes) or electronic times (only certain time on certain days). Things are chaotic here but we do our best to manage time so we have less issues.

It sounds like you’ve got your hands full. There has to be swift and definite consequences to all bad actions and it has to be consistent. When they are destructive to property, they get a spanking and sit in a chair in the corner. For however long you think they should. I would gauge the length of time on how angry I am. It would keep me from saying something I don’t mean. When they break toys, they sit on a chair in the corner and the toy is not replaced. When they run out of things to play with, then I suppose it’s time for a family discussion about what we’re going to do with our time. And that means doing work around the house. They will be able to earn money for this work. And they will be taken to Goodwill where they can buy a (1) new toy. If they break it, it goes in the trash and they do without until they earn the money for another one. I know that sounds terrible, but they haven’t picked up on the value of things. When it’s time for birthdays or Christmas, no doubt people will buy them toys. They get one toy at a time till they either learn to play with them correctly, or they have broken them all and are back to buying their own. Hopefully this will only be temporary. I would make sure to get the kids therapy. There has to be a reason why they are so destructive. If the first therapist had no answers, try another one. In the meantime, keep up with your rules.

Take charge Your voice has authority I’m not talking meanness . Kids know when your serious . Tell them you will stop being destructive as of now . Don’t buy them nothin until they behave . What about spanking them they do have a padded rear end God gave them . Never let a kid rule the environment or home . It’s your house .

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Actions have consequences. Other than losing their broken toys, do they have any consequences?

So sorry to hear this!!! Sticker/reward chart. Earning things/incentives. Are they into crafting/building? Something that keeps them busy and creates a goal to achieve. Legos. It’s so hard because people give advice and it’s probably already something you’ve thought of… when my kids were little and would get crazy, I separate them and assign them something each to do. I think it’s kind of finding out what works for each child and having a plan of what to do when they start getting crazy. And you may already be doing this but following through with things I’ve learned is most important! Maybe have a goal that if by the end of the week they have been good, you get to do something or earn something that week. Find out what keeps them motivated and use it. When my kids were good at getting up and ready for school every morning, Friday we would go to the gas station before school and I would let them pick out something and we would play this little bouncy ball machine thing. We started a jar to collect the balls to show them how much they could collect when they are good! It became a goal for them to fill up the whole jar! Pretty simple but they absolutely loved it

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Maybe it’s because I only have a 3yo but I thought that’s how kids were lol I mean I don’t let him kick out windows but he can learn natural consequences from breaking his own toys, he figured out pretty quickly he should only break toys he doesn’t like lol

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Sounds like it’s way past time to tear up some asses. And there’s them some stimulation.

This is absolutely absurd ma’am if you don’t stop talking about the therapist didn’t see anything in the home that would cause them to lash out BS it has nothing to do with that you are deflecting you and your husbands lack of discipline onto a therapist because you’re trying to project that onto the kids that something is mentally wrong or why this is why that why are they picking the wall why are they kicking out windows why are they destroying everything ma’am no offense but the problem is you and him snatch their ass up and whoop that ass all of them sooner than later before you’re in your bedroom with the door locked at night sleeping with one eye open with a blunt object behind the door ma’am if these kids were out in public behaving this way somebody would call somebody Anya and I would definitely say something to you this is outrageous get a grip on your kids or stop having them clearly you have a problem now that has gone way far beyond what it was before apparently and stop talking about the therapist it’s you and it’s him get a grip ma’am It’s not time for woe is me it’s time for whoop that ass

Sooo…sounds like you have Nero divergent kids and instead of getting them proper psychiatrist care you just want to punish them into submission.

Get them proper care and readjust your mindset and ableisim before they hate you

Give them Lego and wooden blocks, then they can build whatever they want and then they can destroy it.

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Stop buying them toys if they want something make them earn it if they break a window make them pay for it by doing things around the house they don’t normally do like chores if they don’t have any

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Sounds like you gotta go madea on them.

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You should not replace anything that they break. Also how much sugar and or carbs are they consuming?

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I agree, throw the broken toys out immediately, or hide them if sentimental. I reluctantly started doing this, sometimes I cried… bloody transformers are so expensive! I also stopped buying toys for a while, that was sad! It’s been a big ugly cycle. I made him do extra chores to replace toys or pay for repairs when it was deliberate/ vandalism. Especially when it was other people’s stuff. I heavily reduced tech time, spend more one on one and family time , am mindful of food choices. Big improvements, I can see he’s finally getting it. You’ll find what works for your family! Hang in there.

Destroy their butts . Problem solved

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Do you have any discipline in your home? You have to start discipline when they are still babies. They learn young if they can get away with behaviors or if you will give them boundaries.

I had 6 children 6.5 and younger and my kids never destroyed anything. Why? Because they knew it would not be tolerated. And no….I didn’t beat on them. But they learned right from wrong behavior early.

When children this young misbehave it is usually on the parents who want the most for their kids ti see them soooo happy yet forget that the most important thing a parent does for a child is to guide them lovingly to help them grow into a teen, adult, grown up with upstanding character who knows and shows respect for others and everything around them.

If you don’t get control now you will end up knowing the police intimately.

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And let me just add everybody that’s being so sweet and nice I’ll just take them outside take them camping take them hiking does not know I stand on what I said and that’s what needs to be done and that’s what needs to be implemented throughout they have no respect for you you are a doormat you and your husband and they know they can get away with it and you’ll sit there sad and heartbroken and do nothing about it but question Facebook about what’s going on in your own home While the walls are falling down around you? Hey let’s go to the park let’s go camping… Ma’am I don’t know what it is that you don’t understand about that but you’re breaking your own heart sitting back and watching it and not doing anything about it and they are going to end up something way worse than this if it continues you’ve totally lost control of your small children this is just ridiculous grab something whatever you say with your hand whatever and do what you need to do and don’t feel bad about it otherwise You can’t be heartbroken about anything and neither can he how about The implementation of contraception for starters that would help

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Sounds like they need some oldfashon butt busting to me

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Quit buying them toys

$2 shop until they get older and realise to appreciate what they have. I tend to think it’s normal behavior mayb over the top at times but they do grow out of that. Don’t kick yourselves too hard about it, time will pass and so will there behavior

  1. You guys are the parents, YOU make the decisions, not the kids

  2. Quit buying them new toys until they learn to not break them

  3. I hope they got a old school spanking for the windows cause once is too many times, let alone 2.

  4. Since they want to break things, what ever they break, make them work it off! That teaches them the value of money.

  5. Therapist DO NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE! Don’t waste your money on it any longer. You want them to listen and respect you both, then be stern, and spank them when they do something really wrong or something you’ve already told them to stop doing. Do not cave when they have their tantrums afterwards. If you show them that they’re upsetting you, or cave and be easy on them because they cry about consequences to their actions, they will never stop… & y’all will lose your minds.

  6. Every parent is their own worst critic. Stop being so hard on yourselves, or it’ll eat you alive until they are grown. Just because your kids are being turds, doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. None of us moms are perfect, and we are all learning as we go, we make mistakes too. But seriously, put your foot down and stand behind your word… otherwise they will walk over you more and more. No, they won’t like it, yeah they’ll throw fits and say things out of anger, but don’t let it break you, soon enough they’ll get tired of not having toys to play with or tv, or tablets, or whatever else they enjoy doing for fun. When they realize that you mean business, they’ll start listening.

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Not sure what you have but I have 3 boys and for years I had to put all my “nice things” away. They’re just rough and tumble and Loud by nature. Give them every out doors toy under the sun. And separate them when they’re getting too roudy.

No more toys until they stop breaking them.
Get educational things, books, workbooks, games, etc that y’all can do to help keep them busy. Give them projects and reward for completing them. Set a routine and stick to it. Don’t give them a lot of “free” time to be destructive. Give them chores. Exercise and sports. Discipline when needed.

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if you can’t take care of it then you won’t get it, that’s how it worked for me most times anyway

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I would take this as a sign of boredom and they need to burn off that energy. They need to go outside and have stimulus. Jump on the trampoline. Ride their bikes. Play kickball with each other. Being in the house is part of the problem because if they’re being destructive it’s because they need some thing to do typically
I’ll add it to add I wouldn’t buy them another toy I would throw away the stuff they’ve broken and start assigning them chores. They need to be redirected and focused into something positive.

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Take everything from them but leave bed, clothes and stuff like that. Maybe put them on time sedchule allow extra time play outside run energy out. Time for you and husband put foot down and do tough love.

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A good ass beatng will fix it.

Spanking doesn’t help why do you want to hit them makes things worse

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As an old friend used to say make the rules known, warn them once, then if necessary jar that er memory via their butts with your hand on bare butts

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