My ex-boyfriend has a new partner who likes to drink a lot. He sees my children (they’re not biologically his) regularly. When she is there with him, and they go for meals with my kids, she always has to have alcohol. The kids don’t like this woman or the fact she drinks every time in front of them. The kids don’t want to say anything to him as he will not be happy and act like a child. What can I do?
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Ok, I’m gonna say this loud for the momma’s in the back.
YOU CAN’T CHANGE WHAT HAPPENS AT THE OTHER PARENTS HOUSE.
I yell it because I’m 10 years deep of trying to keep my kids safe. Their dad has abused them (proof and court cases too), his girlfriend’s kid sexually assaulted two of my 3 boys ( proven but still nothing done), and she has been picked up multiple times for a DUI. On top of all of that I died twice because of a drink driver.
No one is going to help your kids but you. CPS doesn’t care, the school doesn’t care, the county doesn’t care. And the more you complain the more they get paid. Money drives all of this.
Find a good friend to vent all this shit out to, document the hell out of it and use your time with your kids in a positive manner. As they get older it won’t be hard for them to figure out what the real situation is here. When they figure it out that will hurt your soul worst than anything.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
While you can’t change the other person, you can change what your children are exposed to.
I am a mom of five I would not have my kids around people they are uncomfortable with, whether they tell you why or not.
The first red flag is just that, they are uncomfortable.
While I’m sure you are grateful that your ex boyfriend hasn’t severed ties with your kiddos, you still need to bring this to his attention. Be kind about it but he needs to know how they feel, and you as a mom need to make sure your not bad mouthing him or the girl.
Let them figure out what and who she is by themselves unless they are in adimant danger.
Ask the kiddos to be up front and honest why they feel the way they do and let them know they can come to you for anything and you won’t judge their decisions.
From a mom to a mom, listen to what the kids say, and don’t poison them against someone bc of your own opinions of that person.
Once a child can trust you, even though your MOM, they need to trust that they won’t be judged or punished for their feelings.
Why is your ex-boyfriend who’s not the children’s father even allowed to see your kids? If you’re ok with him seeing them, I don’t think you can dictate whom he’s dating or if he brings her along… This is a very confusing situation, I don’t know what you’re thinking or why you’re doing what you’re doing… if you feel your kids aren’t safe, then don’t allow your ex-boyfriend to see them, simple as that… he has no right over your children…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/my-kids-dislike-my-exes-new-girlfriend-due-to-the-fact-that-she-is-always-drinking-advice/10118
Be thankful your children recognize right from wrong
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Honestly there isnt anything you can do i know that sucks and i feel for you kids but if you arent willing to cut that connection off you really dont have a say in her drinking im sory
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Since they are not biologically his have them stop seeing him .
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If she only has a few when they go out etc its nothing to do with you unless she gets absoulutely shit faced & it affects your children in anyway
Im not sure; what is the problem if she has 1 drink with lunch or is she falling down drunk
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Why do the kids need to see him if they aren’t biological his kids?
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Reality is This is entirely up to u to decide🤔…( since he’s not the biological father)
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Idk this sounds like you projecting onto your kids.
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That woman is grown. If she wants to have a drink, that’s nobody’s business. Unless she’s getting wasted and acting a fool, I don’t get what the big deal is. My son knows adults can drink here and there. He’s 5. He understands it. I’m unsure how old your children may be but if she wants to have an adult beverage with her meal then that’s her own business. If I wasn’t allergic to alcohol and currently pregnant, I would definitely be having a little drinky drink myself 
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I mean, they’re going to eat and she’s having drinks. Sorry that doesn’t sound awful to me
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If they’re not biologically his and even your children are uncomfortable with being around her, talk to your ex-boyfriend and let him know that your children don’t want to come around because she’s always drinking. Or have them visit him when the girlfriend isn’t around.
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My hubs and I have a drink when we go out to dinner even with our kids. Ages range from 12 to 20.
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If you don’t know what to do about this then maybe you shouldn’t ask Facebook, grow up and be a parent.
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Stop having them see either of them. Move in with your life and make better choices, for them, and for you.
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If a grown woman wants to have an alcoholic drink with her meal that’s her business. Use it as an opportunity to teach your kids to be tolerant of things they may not like themselves. Kids don’t get to dictate what adults to unless she’s getting trashed around them and being mean or something else.
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As long as your children are well taken care of stop worrying about his new partner. Every post I see is always someone criticizing the exes new fling. The kids are the only thing that matters. Unless they are hurt or neglected don’t worry about it.
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Your kids should be kids and worry about things kids worry about, not things ADULTS do and have every right to do. There’s more to this than what’s being shared
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Is she being mean to them while drinking or fighting with dad pretty bad in front of the kids? If so, then you have every right to voice your concerns… if not, then I’d tell your kids she’s an adult who can make those types of decisions.
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X boyfriend? The kids are not biologically his? It is none of your business or the kids business what him and his girlfriend do! Make the kids visit with him at your house then.
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They can’t control her and need to learn that now.
If she’s not abusive then leave her alone.
Sounds like jealousy from you and it’s showing through your kids.
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How about this … they stop seeing him unless she doesn’t come or isn’t there? I actually found out you can choose not to have certain people in your life! Crazy eh
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shes of age they aren’t his kids don’t send them if they don’t like what she’s doing. honestly there is nothing you can do about his new girlfriend. ball is in your court if it bothers them they shouldn’t go
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Stand up for your kids and tell him. They are kids. And you are the parent.
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If they are uncomfortable going then don’t let them go.
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As long as she is good to them they need to understand she is an adult and none of their business the only thing you can really do is tell your ex and ask that when he has them maybe dont be around her but i dont think thats gonna go over well honestly id leave it alone unless she is harming your children
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He’s not there father and they dont like girlfriend so why do u make them go? Shes probably a alcohol
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You should explain to your children that while they might not like it, they can’t make that woman do what they want, they can only put themselves in the situation they would like to be in. So if they don’t want to see the gf drink, they won’t be able to go see your ex. If they ask for some one-on-one time with him, that’s one thing but I think any way you spin this, the gf is going to feel excluded and the reason is going to come out. He’s not their real dad so I think maybe it’s just time to cut ties and let him move on with his life
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If you allow visitation then you have no say over what he does unless he harms them. This isn’t harmful. They don’t like it.
My stepson doesn’t like me or my kids period. But he’s a child and we are married so its his new reality. Children have to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfy. Life is hard. If drinking with dinner is the worst, count your blessings. .
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she is drinking with a meal? this sounds better then she is falling down drunk in front of them. sounds like the kids might be repeating things they hear. unless she is abusive while drinking, adults can drink responsibly and you might need to explain this.
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You can start by stopping the visits…those aren’t his kids, some bio parents can barely choose their kids over their new partner’s…now imagine this? Lol please keep your kids away from some place they have 0 business being at.
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Wee bit more info maybe, like does she make them feel uncomfortable when she has a drink. Do they normally get on fine with her. Does she treat them well?
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Why is he still seeing your kids if they’re not his? Technically unless hes legally adopted them he doesn’t need to see them at all.
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If he’s not their father, you are under no obligation to let him take the kids. Sure on the surface it may have looked like a good idea when you broke up since he was a big part of their lives, but if he’s bringing them around an alcoholic that makes them uncomfortable, then it may be better for them to not be around someone who brings her around.
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I’d suggest you have him visit at your house if you need to be in control of what his new girlfriend does. I don’t get what the issue is, unless like stated, if she is a mean or aggressive person while drinking. It’s not you or your children’s business.
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Keep them AWAY from her wether he likes it or Not!
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Do the kids not like it or do YOU not like it and are projecting on them?
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Unless your kids aren’t in harms way and she isn’t driving them places I’d tell them to mind their own business.
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Seems like a very easy problem to solve
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I mean I enjoy drinks too. 5 kids can push that. Unless she is abusive or dangerous or negligent then let her get her drink on
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Sounds like he’s trying to mess things up and don’t care whether or not u stop the visits with him. They’re waiting for your next move since you’re the only adult
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If they dont like it then dont send them. They cant dictate what she does but also i think drinking around kids is wrong so i just wouldn’t send them. If they aren’t biologically his then theres nothing he can do if you dont let him have them
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what can you do? stop letting them around your ex and his gf considering he isn’t even their father. this ones a head scratcher
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I don’t even like drinking but when I go out to eat I usually get a drink….is she acting out being rude like if it’s just a drink with dinner what’s the big deal?
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Why is your ex around your kids? If there not their dad 
umm… when you break up that all stops. That’s probably confusing to them.
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If it’s that big of an issue…then stop sending YOUR kids over…n let him move on.
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Why won’t you meet him when he picks up the kids. And have the kids tell him they don’t want to go with him if she is gonna be there. The fact that they don’t like her drinking.
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Whether it’s you or kids not liking it if the drinking presents a problem then it’s not safe for the children. Adults are allowed to have adult
Beverages however excessive amounts or poor behavior around children due to drinking can present issues. You really have to pick and choose your battles. If it’s a safety concern then don’t send them as your not obligated too. If he can’t make arrangements to see the kids in a situation you are comfortable then so be it and don’t send them. You’ll get your answer then.
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Then why on earth are you allowing them to go?
He’s not their father, he puts them in harms way… thats how some kids get abused is by the new partner… you’ve got to THINK
You need to go to the Suffer the Little Children Facebook page and see how many of those women kill kids that’s not theirs.
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They would no longer be allowed to be around her if it was me
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I mean. Is she just having a drink when they go out or is she fall down drunk all the time? Two very different things.
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If it makes them uncomfortable I would talk to him about it. And if he doesn’t care or acts like a child and nothing changes I would stop sending them. Or depending on the age of the kids ask them if they want to see him with her or not.
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Stop sending them… they arent his so technically you dont have to. If you know they dont like it then dont make them be around it
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Since when is it a crime to enjoy adrink wit a meal when out?? It isnt. Unless shes sloppy drunk, drivin drunk or bein an ass drunk, its not ur concern at all. Your kids are pickin up on your dislike for her, thats so not cool
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I mean I doubt she can get hammered while they’re out to eat. I don’t see anything wrong with someone drinking a beer while they’re eating
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If they’re not biologically his kids then you can shut that door and not have to deal with that situation anymore. Kids adapt and I’m sure your kids will adapt with him being outta their lives in the end
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Anytime we go out for a meal i normally get an alcoholic drink. Doesnt matter if my kids are with or not. I think its actually better if kids see adults drink responsibly. I just explain its a grown up drink. Unless shes getting trashed, or being nasty after she drinks or some other type of actually harmful behavior id say let her be. I have a feeling your kids were taught that alcohol is the devil vs its something you can enjoy as an adult responsibly
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Is she grown?? Is she accepting of her new man’s kids, tho they are not his? Kids shouldn’t have a say in what adults do if they’re not being harmed. Sounds like a decent guy to still be a father figure in their life.
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looks like…you Ex-bf loves ur kids .coz…he still wants to bond with them…Maybe…you should talk first with your Ex…tell him what your kids feel,when his new GF is around ,her drinking habit…tell him that the kids are not comfortable…that You may have to stop letting him see your kids… that’s all you can do.
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Let him know how the kids feel… Tell him they can go around them but only without her .
If they aren’t his don’t let them go over there.
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We have in our parenting plan neither are to drink or do anything else in front of our kid, which i never do anyway. Some people just aren’t meant to alter their state of mind in front of children 
but id say your call since they aren’t biologically his and should be about what they are comfortable with. Good luck!
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All of you people saying they’re not biologically his, just shut the door on him are pathetic. If someone raises a child it doesn’t matter if they’re blood or not that’s their child, just like in adoption. My husband helped his ex raise her son for 5 years and you know what he lives here half the time just like his biological child does. You don’t just quit children y’all are petty as hell. If their relationship was like a few months and that was it that would be one thing but if they still have a relationship with this person obviously that wasn’t the case.
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Is she just having a drink or is she drunk and acting a fool? If the latter, my kids would not go. You get to choose who and where your kids go, hes not the father. My stepdad was my dad to me and I continued to see him after he divorced my mom even after he got remarried, but no way my mom would have let me go if the new wife was a drunk.
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So is she just drinking an alcoholic drink with the meal or is she getting smashed? I mean there is a BIG difference. Just because she enjoys a beer, wine, or cocktail with meals does not mean that she is a danger.
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“Always” drinking…or having a drink with dinner. These are two different things. 
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Stop all involvement with him and your kids. They aren’t his kids so you are not obligated to let him see your kids.
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How old are your kids? Do you feel.comfortable with your kids being with them? If you do not, then stop sending them. Even if that was bio Dad, you & the kids don’t have a say. My son is almost 13 & can’t stand his Dad’s on/off again girlfriend & drinking is just one reason. But our son has no say in Dad’s choice of women. He still enjoys spending time with his Dad regardless. So ask your kids if they still enjoy those visits & do they feel safe? Is this chick a sloppy drunk? If they say yes, tell them they may still see her too when she is with him. Doesn’t change that he loves them.
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Address it with your ex
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If they don’t like it then stop going. She doesn’t have to stop drinking because they don’t like it. Shes a adult she can do what she dam well pleases. There not even his kids so why are you sending them 
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First I think it’s wonderful that she let’s him see kids that are not his. You guys must of had a great relationship for him to still see the kids.
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All u ppl saying they’re not his kids, & him not to come around them. Yada yada, maybe their dad is shit and he stood up. Still his kids. You people are ignorant.
You make it sound as though they’re older because they know what’s happening and dont wanna say anything because of how he’ll behave so in that case leave it alone. Either the kids tell him how they feel or get over it.
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Tell your children she’s a grown up and thats what grownups get to do .
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Kids can also exaggerate and be dramatic.
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Well your kids are uncomfortable with the situation it sounds like you need to grow up and talk to your ex or just quit letting him see the kids
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Sounds like a good man to have the children in his life. Do the children have a problem? Or do you have a problem with the new woman and have over sensationalized? What do you tell the kids when you have a drink?
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Depending on the kids ages, it sounds more like you have a problem with it more than they do.
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Is she a sloppy drunk or just a drink with a meal? Could this woman possibly be being picked apart bc shes not you? Just food for thought!
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Communicate with them. Express your concerns and set boundaries if needed to let her know she needs to be more aware of her impact on the kids. Support her and him. Team work will show the kids healthy communication skills too. Don’t make it a big deal when all you need to do is have an adult conversation
Kids do not like alcohol people they know what is cool and what isn’t their flags go up before some Adults. Trust them . And keep them safe.
Mine just refused out right and wouldn’t go.
Is she ‘having a drink’ or getting trashed every time she is there, because those are two different situations
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Keep your kids home safe. Think about them. They shouldn’t have to go anywhere they are uncomfortable being.
This is ABOUT THE KIDS NOT LIKING HER AND HER DRINKING. not about how much the women is drinking.
And mama you need to talk to your ex it not the kids place to talk to him. He needs to see the kids with out her being around. Its not his biological kids.
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Damn. Your kids wouldn’t like me either then lol
So she has drinks with dinner/meals? I don’t understand the issue. That sounds more like you should be talking to your kids about the fact that it’s okay for adults to have drinks with meals and that she is being responsible and has your ex there to drive her home safely. Make it a teachable moment about alcohol safety.
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I never gaslighted my kids or forced them to do anything that was uncomfortable. If they aren’t biologically his, then follow through with what your kids want - don’t make them do any of the dirty work.
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Kids need to learn early that they will have to be around a lot of people they do not like, but have to put up with.
They need this skill to be mastered by the time they hit the workforce.
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Your kids don’t like the gf or her drinking well, guest what your kids can stay at home their is no court order forcing you to send them. By the way where is their dad because that who needs to be spending time with them.
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Its legal, get over it. Now if she was smoking crack, yeah you’d have an issue
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If he’s not the BIOLOGICAL father he does not need to be alone with your kids & adding a drunk GF to the situation is unacceptable.
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Man… your kids would hate me 
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Wow so instead of this group trying to give decent advice you all sound like a bunch snotty teens… if you can’t give advice in a half way decent way move along… whats the point of making the OP feel bad about this? She reaches out for help and most of you either just blamed her and just insisted she get over it… 
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How much is she drinking? If she is not getting drunk and abusing your kiddos, then it shouldn’t be a problem… explain to your children that adults are allowed to have cocktails…
Unless she’s a drunk or abusive, then they should be told there is nothing wrong with her having a cocktail. Also, does your ex drink?
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Also, they do not have to like her, but should respect her as your ex’s girlfriend
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Simple: if your unsatisfied with the situation…join them for dinner…them mention to him if she gets slushed…or not…Remember He is your Ex for a reason…his problem for her drinking when she wants…not yours…p.s why is your kids around him or his girl…Not Normal on many levels