How old are you kids? Is she having a drink with dinner or getting drunk? There’s a big difference. If she’s going out to eat and has a drink, that’s her right as long as she isn’t getting drunk. They are adults and the fact that he’s staying involved with your kids even though he’s not the biological dad says he loves your kids.
God forbid a woman having a fucking drink, Jealous ex. If she was driving them after drinking around them that would be different.
Sounds like you have some sheltered kids. Good luck when they leave the house and realize how much fun they can have without you hovering over them!
Stop letting your kids go. They’re not his so he has no rights.
Wow a man who spends time with his ex’s kids & they’re not biologically his is freaking awesome…
If your kids keep going back to spend time with him & his new gf then they can’t be too concerned…
Let it go or don’t send them with him
Totally agree with Jillian
I honestly think that drinking in front of kids is bad since it ain’t a good habit and could turn out to be a bad influence on them. Just my opinion. Doesn’t have to be right. Secondly, he ain’t their father nor his girlfriend is anyone so special to you. Just tell your ex boyfriend to maybe ask his girlfriend to not drink in front of the kids. If not, don’t let your kids hangout with your ex when his gf is around.
Well, is she drunk? Is alcohol that important? If so, that’s a problem. There’s a time and place to drink. If not, then I don’t really see an issue.
What I’ve learned from being a mother for 15 years and a Stepmom for 9.5 is kids love drama lol and as protective mamas we always assume the worst when kids say something… I would honestly sit down with your ex and ask try to have an adult conversation about what the kids said … don’t accuse her of doing anything wrong without proof … hopefully if she is drinking a lot your ex can have a chat with her!
I would only be concerned if she is sloppy drunk around them or being mean. But to be honest here, that’s her business. You are the one who has a choice here on rather they go are not. Communication is the key here. But you can not make her stop drinking around those kids though if she is not hurting anyone and you can not make him stop seeing her. If you are only picking here cause he moved on, then you are the one who needs to get it together and move on
So they don’t like her because she drinks?
Is she aggressive? A messy drunk? A danger to herself and others?
Or is she literally having a drink?
This is the way I see it. If those kids mean so much to him, they should be able to tell him how they feel about her without fearing that he’ll go apeshit. If he does and chooses her over them, that’s when it’s time to cut ties. A real “father figure” will put them first, especially if they don’t feel comfortable around her.
He’s not the dad, he owes you nothing, he owes the kids nothing, either let him take them and spend time how they choose and be quiet about it, or Don’t, but the children are in that situation because you’re letting it, not about him.
Are they uncomfortable bc she’s getting wasted and acting a fool? Or are they “uncomfortable” bc it’s someone other than you and finding a reason to complain? That’s the real question here.
I don’t understand all of the “that’s not even their ‘real’ dad so they don’t need to see him” and the “she’s an adult and can do what she wants, tell the kids to suck it up/mind their business”. If he wants to be in the children’s lives and they want him there, why take that away? Salty ass people I swear and if my child came to me about something someone does that makes them uncomfortable, they have a right to say so. They’re children. That doesn’t make their feelings invalid because “adults” can totally disregard their discomfort and do what they want. Let’s normalize not putting our kids feelings on the back burner because people feel if they’re an adult they can do whatever they please without considering how their choices affect those around them. If my kids are uncomfortable, it most definitely IS my business. But I would talk to the ex and let him know the kids are uncomfortable. There could be manyyyyyy reasons they feel this way. How about we not shit on the kids for being open and honest about their feelings or the woman for having a drink or 2 at dinner without knowing what exactly makes them uncomfortable.
You are their mother. He is not their father. put your children first,. If he still wants to see them and it is ok with you let him know that he may see them if he is not in her company at the time. You have to be the strong one for the children!
As a parent that drinks I feel for this woman. Especially if she isn’t getting out of control. What’s wrong with having an adult beverage? Also having to help with children that are not you BIO child is a completely other ball game. As long as it’s not destructive what’s the harm
Honestly, she’s an adult. They are children. Children do not tell adults what to do. Always ok to speak your mind to your parents, respectfully, but telling another adult what they can and cannot do is not ok
I wouldn’t let my kids be around someone who isn’t their dad to begin with. And if it makes them uncomfortable then they don’t have to go. Problem solved.
There is so much open for interpretation in this. Just the fact that she drinks in front of them bothers them? Seems like you would have said if she was acting inappropriately towards them, which leads me to believe she’s not. Which makes me wonder how old they are and if the drinking is just something you’ve picked up on and don’t like. In a coparenting situation, you couldn’t do anything about this except get over it (unless there is more to the story). But he’s not their biological father, so you have control over who your kids are around. So it comes down to whether or not it’s actually bothering your kids enough to ruin their relationship with this father figure over it. Seems like it would have to be a pretty big thing to destroy this relationship for. I would look carefully at whether this woman is bothering you or the kids. If some woman was acting inappropriately around my kids drunk, I would explain the crazy behavior, not just say my kids are uncomfortable with her drinking. This just sounds weird.
Unless she is drunk around them. Then it’s none of your kids business. She’s an adult and can have a drink or two. However, if it’s not their bio dad then they don’t need to go to his house.
- He isn’t bio dad so he has absolutely no rights to them. At all.
- You have no responsibility to him.
I wouldn’t be sending them if she makes the children uncomfortable. Period. I wouldn’t send them for any reason because he is not bio dad.
Not a good environment for your children if your ex is that immature he doesn’t need to have your children around especially if he’s an ex-boyfriend and not their father
I love that y’all act like that drinking is not a big deal. Because who knows if she drives around with these children when she has been drinking. You have to think about your kids safety first. And I would not trust my child with someone who drinks all the time point blank.
You could tell them that she’s an adult she can drink all she wants cause adults get to make that decision. Unless she is becoming dangerous by driving or abusive it’s not a big deal. I wouldn’t want to push him away especially if he’s not the bio dad. He seems like a good man
First question. Were you all together for a long time and the kids are use to having him around as father figure? If that’s the deal then I get letting him see them but second question. Is she drinking to get drunk or just enjoy with dinner? I like getting a nice drink with my dinner at times. Just trying to help out but not really enough to go on other than just her drinking at dinner which I do with my kids and their friends. Of course I don’t drive due to the kids with me but I’m not drunk just nice to have wit dinner sometimes.
I think it’s very admirable that he’s obviously been a good father figure for your children. I just think maybe it’s more you wanting your kids to still see him so there’s still that connection with your ex even though you may not want to admit it. If your ex and this new girlfriend get married and have their own children, are your children still going to go and spend time with him and his new family? I just can’t really see that happening in the future and maybe it’s best for your children and especially yourself to slowly cut the ties with him. As hard as it is sometimes we just have to face the reality and move on with our lives. I hope you can find a way to move on with your children
She’s an adult and can have a drink whenever she wants as long as she is not violent or physical or there’s no signs of an alcohol misuse!! myob ! Why would kids see a problem in her having a drink ? I think u see a problem in her being around your children! Adjust that crown , let ur children know they can speak to you if it affects them (actually) and remember where your heading ! Don’t look back ! Your not heading that direction…
I don’t see a problem with her drinking as long as she isn’t completely wasted. I drink in front of my step kids but I don’t drink a lot.
Mama… take a breather. If yall moved on, let that man live. If you have doubts, voice them to your ex and his girlfriend. We’re neither going to sway the outcome nor make it. Good luck mama’s.
Sadly not a lot. Other than make sure she does not get behind the wheel with them in the car. As terrible as it is, he has the right to date whom he pleases and also has the right to spend time with the kids, if he’s adopted or has rights to them. If he doesn’t, then you can tell him they are not feeling comfortable around her, no details, and that thud prefer so alone time with him when she’s otherwise busy with other things. You can say they’d like more if his attention or wanted to do a special activity with him, that you all know she’d hate and not want to go with them.
Oh so my turn to comment
What does it matter if he isn’t bio dad,he took them on as his kids!! and I see alot of comments where their like “gosh just let him move on”," he has a right to move on" she doesn’t 2 craps if he has moved on or not and you are taking away from the point…
I feel something was maybe said to these kid by her… cause kids don’t just hate people for no reason or are uncomfortable with people “just drinking”. And if he is going to act like a child for you standing up for your children and or the children saying something out of being uncomfortable, then maybe it might be a good idea to take sometime giving the kids space from their dad… this is my opinion…
please understand everyone that people handle their alcohol different to others as no one person is the same… she is obviously concerned which she has every right to be,you would be calling her a “bad mum” if she wasn’t…
Now let’s start giving this mumma some HELPFUL advice and ladies telling her to tell her kids to " mind their own business" aren’t helpful comments.
She doesn’t seem concerned because she hasn’t moved on… she seem generally concerned!! So like she came on her for helpful way to deal with the situation and y’all are playing 21 questions and telling them to" mind their own business" no very helpful!!
If they aren’t he’s kids. Then I think he’s great for even taking them.
Yes he’s girlfriend might drink but is she an abusive loud mouth drunk. If not then what is the problem ?? These kids will face worse things in life then someone drinking Alcohol. Consider yourself lucky some kids don’t even get to see their biological dads.
If they are not biologically his, why even entertain the situation… time to cut ties… or save face for the kids and tell.him yourself.
Don’t accommodate his childish behavior and tell him how they feel. Otherwise he and she both get away with their crap and kids are the ones to have to be stuck with how they feel about situation.
If the kids are uncomfortable, you should bring it up to him. You are your children’s voice. If he cares about your kids, he should be receptive and accepting of their needs and comfort levels. If he wants to do things with your kids while having her present as well, your kids’ comfort is something he needs to prioritize … he needs to have a conversation with her.
A man that sees his ex girlfriend children… what are you complaining about? Is she hurting them? Is she saying bad things? If she’s drinking everyday that’s her demise as long as she’s not doing anything to the kids then leave it be. If the kids are uncomfortable teach them to tell her and him.
Uhh, she can be a grownup and speak to her ex about it. Was this really a question, seems so obvious to me as what to do.
I would address it with your ex. He was obviously a big part of the kids life…I would never take my oldest away from my husband if we split bc kids shouldnt have to suffer for adult choices. Drinking in front of them or doing anything that makes a kid uncomfortable should be addressed. Just bc they aren’t grown doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to feel some type of way. As adults its our job to come up with a solution that makes them happy and healthy mentally. If your kids are telling you something you should listen.
As someone who grew up with a dad that had a drinking problem I know how it feels and I would not let my kids be around her if she’s going to be drinking all the time. One of the reasons I broke up with an ex boyfriend is because he had a problem with alcohol and I didn’t want my kids around it.
If your kids are coming to you and voicing their concerns then you as the parent need to step up for your children and be their voice. It really is that simple, just be respectful and make it be known that when your kids are around that you do not want her to be drinking. If he has an issue with it then you need to make the choice of stopping the visits or not. For all of you saying they can have a drink & their adults or that the kids should feel comfortable saying something to him or to leave them alone really are not paying attention to what you should here. As their parent she damn well better be talking to him about this and expressing her concerns. Be your child’s advocate.
My daughters dad thinks it’s okay to drink hard liquor in front of his two year old. It’s just not. Kids should stay kids as long as possible they don’t need to see the craziness from drinking. I would bluntly tell him not to have alcohol around your children.
Why continue to let them associate with her, fully knowing how they feel about her. Either your ex sees your children by himself, or he doesn’t see them at all…the children shouldn’t have to say anything to your ex,you are the adult, you sort it…
I personally would talk to them both about the concerns the children have . If She can’t stop drinking when children are present then she doesn’t need to be around them.
Why would you continue to send your kids anywhere with an ex that has no relation to them?? Why are ppl so weird. Explain to your children how break ups work and move on. Stop trying to use your kids to keep a string attached to this man and protect them from being around ppl they dont like and have no business even knowing. They came to you to let you know they dont like being around some woman they really should’ve never met and as the parent, it’s your job to protect them and keep them away from her. When a child tells you their uncomfortable around an adult, KEEP THEM AWAY FROM THEM!
I feel bad for the kids. I would talk to them and tell them it needs to stop or even slow down. Its ok to have a drink with dinner or in the evening but if shes drinking to much thats not ok. I know alot of moms who drink wine after along day. Kids tend to over think things maybe she isn’t drinking as much as they say. I would talk to them first before jumping the gun
How old are your kids?
How much is she drinking at dinner? Is she getting wasted or is it a glass of wine with the meal?
Does she do the same at home?
Is she just having a drink or two with dinner? If so this is a good time to teach your children that it is okay for adults to drink responsibly. If this is the only issue it sounds like they are just looking for a reason not to like her, or maybe they have a swayed perspective on casual drinking.
Talk to your other half about this and set some rules about when he has them she can’t be around or you guys just meet up somewhere for him to see them for a few hours without her there
Ok, coming from a mom who’s x was involved for many years and my child grew attached to, you are so blessed that he loves and cares for those children! But also, adults are allowed to drink… my kid said to me once I drank alot when I honestly don’t, maybe a glass of wine a few times a week, I dont think kids understand and since they can’t do it, in their mind its automatically bad. Which it’s not. You should explain to your kids adults are allowed to drink, and ask them and yourself what is really bothering about it? Is she inappropriate? Sloppy? Consumes too much? Just my opinions anyways.
If they feel uncomfortable then don’t send them anymore. If he still wants to be in their life then he can hang with them alone but honestly the fact that they aren’t his kids can play a big factor here. He may feel like “ if they don’t like it oh well they aren’t my kids anyways”. He doesn’t need to make any changes in his life for your children. As messed up as that sounds. Tell him about the situation and see what you guys can come up with if anything. Good luck
If she is of legal drinking age they can’t change it. Is she a train wreck when she drinks ? Or can she handle her alcohol? My dad drank at every meal And it’s just a way of life for him we were not able to change that as children
He’s not their father… As hard as it may be… Move on! Disconnect for him entirely!
I think the big question here is this…is getting drunk every time? There is no harm in having a drink or 2 but if she’s drinking to get drunk then I would say something. But if not let it go. Be happy that your ex still cares enough about the kids to stay in their lives & be a father figure to them!
How old are your children, OP? If your children don’t like her, then that is fine. You are not required to like everyone that you meet. are there actual reasons they don’t like her or is more so a jealousy and/or they don’t like her because, you, don’t like her and/or because you aren’t with their dad (i know they aren’t biologically his children but it sounds like he IS their dad). I don’t think there’s anything you should really do as far as her getting a drink when they go out. If she isn’t driving and isn’t getting drunk, it isn’t that big of a deal. She is an adult and of drinking age. You can tell your children that she is an adult and can have a drink or two with her dinner. I know your kiddos are uncomfortable so If you really want to have a conversation about it with him, just tell him that the kids feel uncomfortable when she drinks at dinner when she’s around and see what he says. There needs to be communication between you two about the children
It sounds like you need to talk to your kids and see if something else is the issue, It just seems odd they’d fixate on her having a bevy with her meals the few times they are around her … Are you sure you aren’t influencing negative emotions?
Tell him if he wants to spend time with your kids …he has to make time for them when she isn’t around.
Sorry …but the kids feelings and needs have to come first and she generally has no say over them…so…do what is right by them as it’s all you can do
If they aren’t his kids then just tell him he can’t see them, especially if she’s around because the kids aren’t comfortable. Easy.
Just move on sis just move on he doesn’t have to change anything for you they’re not his dad
If you don’t like her drinking then don’t bring them around her or him
If she’s legally old enough to drink and is not drinking to intoxication or getting sloppy in front of them then I completely fail to understand the problem. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a drink with dinner. Why do your kids think she’s a bad person just because she has a drink with dinner (and by your own account no other reason)? And honestly, how do they even know what she’s drinking?
Maybe stop teaching your kids that someone who responsibly enjoys a completely legal activity for adults is not a bad person
Okay everyone, maybe the kids have seen abusive alcoholics and they are having trouble having alcohol around them…
If he stood in and was a father figure I can understand why they would want to stay in his life.
In my eyes, kids have a right to say what they are comfortable with and what they aren’t. In my eyes, kids are kids and this could be a lesson in consent. They aren’t consenting in the situation they are being put into by the ex’s new girl. It’s gunna suck but they kids are helping you make the decision, you just need to listen to them. If he’s going to act like a child because the kids are old enough to have their own opinions of adult beverages, let him. He’s got no say unless he’s on the certificate for any of them there friend.
Tell her/him yourself that it’s making them uncomfortable and not to do it in front of them. If it doesn’t stop, don’t let them go.
You can tell your kids that moderation is responsible and that it’s none of their business what an adult does. It sounds like someone is feeding them reasons to be judgmental.
This man is not ur kids bio dad, and there is nothing wrong with drinking responsibly as an adult, whether it be 2 or 5 drinks. I’m assuming that the mom has the kids during the week & the STEP dad on weekends & that the gf is most likely not a mom herself, so why shouldn’t she drink if she wants to at dinner, as long as she can do so responsibly. I mean honestly, I give her props for being able to be woman enough to accept & include kids that r not only NOT hers, but NOT her bfs kids either. If the mother doesn’t like it then dont send the kids PERIOD! And I agree with the others comments unless sum1 is acting completely stupid, out of character & OBVIOUSLY drunk, kids wouldn’t know if what shes drinking is alcohol or not UNLESS its beer & they have PREVIOUSLY been exposed to it enough that they can recognize the bottles which would have had to have happened LONG b4 the “new” gf came around. sounds more like a mommy issue then the children’s issue. Js
Okay, so OP doesn’t say how old the kids even are, and so maybe they’re a bit older and know what an adult beverage is and they’ve expressed this to their mother. so much is unknown that the only possible thing to do is assume and not give blind advice because we know nothing about this family, the kids, how old they are, etc.
If he’s not the father I’m assuming he’s a father figure for the kids which is why you let’s then see each other still? Alcohol is an adult beverage. If she’s not getting wasted or being abusive or harsh to your children then leave them woman alone. She’s doing nothing wrong. Let him have his own relationship and move on. Do you drink alcohol beverages infront of your children? Holidays, get together? Bon fires? A day at the lake?
Everyone gripping about “they aren’t his kids” okay but we don’t know how long they were together how long the kids have known him maybe they have a strong relationship and mom was trying to allow that. Also my son is THREE and he can’t stand the smell of alcohol at all he will literally say it’s nasty and he don’t like it (me nor his father drink but my family drinks on holidays) we don’t know the age of the children so at any point the kids can have their own opinions and the mom can have a issue with who is doing what around her kids Jesus
First off… hats off to the are that’s still seeing kids that aren’t his… wr have a world full of bio fathers that have NOTHING to do with thier kids…
How old are the children?
Is there any issues the kids have seen between bio mother and this said woman?
Can I just say, hats off for raising your children to recognise over use of alcohol though and know that it’s not needed to enjoy a meal or outing.
But definitely be your kids voice if they’re worried, show them it’s okay to voice your concerns and be worried
If they’re not his kids then you shouldn’t have to figure out anything. Just stop taking your kids to him if his girlfriend can’t Not drink.
For all y’all people vilifying this woman, no one has told her that these kids have an issue. Now if they tell her and she continues, then she’s a problem.
Is she drunk or having 2 beers or 2 glasses if wine ?? Because if she is having an alcoholic beverage with meals and not driving then you explain to your kids that’s what some adults do. If it’s something that they were raised to see as bad you gotta understand its not abnormal
I see no problem with someone having a drink with supper when out to eat the majority of the adult population does. And no I don’t drink period but I did when I was younger not daily only if going out with friends. If she’s not acting a fool and making a spectical out of herself I see no problem with it. This jacked up world we live in Id rather my child see someone they knew having a drink once in a while then to have them so sheltered that when they become teens they think that it’s something that’s so forbidon and wanna sneak around being currious drinking theirselves because teenagers do that stuff. There’s a whole lot worse things out there than alcohol and if that’s all the lady’s doing she should count herself lucky he’s got one of the good ones. It’s ok to shelter your kids against the world but don’t do it so much that it has the opposite effect on their life that you want it to have that you end up driving them to the very thing you don’t want for them. The balls in her court they are her kids but if they don’t have a father in their life and he’s willing to still be a part of their life don’t take that away from them by being petty over someone having a drink with supper because it’s hard on kids growing up without one of their parents I know he’s not biologically their dad but if he’s always been their he’s their dad in every sense of the word. And if you make to big of a fuss about it Im.mot sure what the outcome may be depends if he loves the kids as much as he should or if that new girls gonna have an influence
Does anyone think maybe it’s the kids that want to see him. And the kids are the ones upset. So as a mother, I’d say something. The guy does have an obligation if those kids see him as “dad”. Some selfish women on here
If they are not his kids honestly I would just stop the visits with him
I mean if the kids were biologically his my suggestion would be to tell him that they need to be supervised visits with you and also limit drinking in front of the kids, however since he isn’t obligated to see them and if your kids are uncomfortable with the amount of drinking then it is time to keep your kids best interest at heart and cut the visits. This isn’t fair to your children and they don’t need to grow up with that. I personally don’t like excessive drinking around me and I am an adult able to remove myself from that situation.
Tell your kids to mind their business. Unless she is being abusive or horrible to them or gets drunk. Its not their concern
Keep your kids at home because that’s a grown woman doing grown up things.
If your children are uncomfortable don’t send them, but if you’re doing it because of jealously you will wreck a great relationship. I’m assuming your ex and you don’t drink.
If its 1-2 drinks I would be okay with that, but if they’re getting paraletic infront of my kids, I would not be happy.
Set your boundaries. Stick to them. When it comes to your kids there is no “give” for anyone.
Sounds more like you are questioning the kids and maybe you’re the one with the problem with her drinking. Don’t like it? Don’t send them anymore
Is she getting shitfaced in front of the kids? Is she driving drunk or breaking any laws or hurting anyone? Unless any of these is a ‘yes’, then let the woman have a drink.
She’s legally allowed to have a drink. From what I understand, it doesn’t sound like she’s getting trashed or even drunk. What past experiences are making this uncomfortable for your children and why are they connecting, say a glass of wine at dinner, to a negative reaction? Also, he does not have to have anything to do with them, but is and that is commendable. He is not the one drinking either. Metaphorically, I’d say this sounds like going to someone’s house and they cook for you, and you tell them I don’t like that your friend is legally having a glass of wine with their meal. Like, you don’t have to be there.
Nothing. How is he even still of concern to you? Ma’am, if you don’t go on and sit down somewhere and thank the gods a man who is not liable takes responsibility for YOUR kids…
Simple answer… you’re the adult… the drinking is an issue… she stays away from them…. Case closed
As long as she isn’t acting like a belligerent idiot while drinking, I wouldn’t be concerned. Adults do drink and a lot drink while out to dinner. If you are not comfortable with it, then I would just bring it up or don’t let them go anymore… especially if the children are not biologically his.
Keep your kids home and let that man move on with his life?
I mean some people drink with every meal. Is it to excess or just one? If it’s to excess why do you still have your kids going there? If it’s not to excess then you can talk about other people. Some drink it’s not illegal or bad.
Don’t send your kids over there?…. It seems simple enough. I think I missed something….
If my husbands ex wife said some shit like SS feels uncomfortable that your having a drink with dinner I would say buzz off. Then kids don’t have to join. I’m an adult and can do what I want. Normalize having a drink at dinner or whenever you want!
If she acts like an adult while drinking adult beverages then she isn’t the problem
Some of these people need to figure out their own damn problems. It’s not rocket science.
If they’re not his kids then why let them go if they don’t like it ? And she can have a drink if she wanna
Is she getting belligerently drunk around the kids or just having a few drinks? That’s definitely an important piece that should be added before asking for advice.
Don’t let your kids go with him if their not his! Simple as that
Is he like their father figure? I need more info as to why they would be with him if not.
She can order a drink if she wants I didn’t read anywhere it makes her act in a bad way so who cares
I mean is she drunk? Or just having a drink? Big difference
Keep them home with you. Simple right. If he ascts like a kid and they aren’t his and the kids have an issue with that then why do you send your kids in that type of environment?
Stop letting them go over. “YOU” tell him that his new girlfriend is inappropriate around your children