Why ain’t the dad paided maintance so you can gave Internet considering it would be for his kids it would be the least he could do
Let them stay. If their dad is twisting things, they will soon see it. They’re old enough to get jobs to help pay their way or chip in at home but if they don’t want to and want to be carried, let dad carry them for a while. You get back to a job you enjoy, that pays you your worth, live your life for a change. Teens are selfish and they don’t see real life for a long time after. It does hurt but they know where you are, that they have a home with you and you love them , but you need to stop doing so much for them now.
assume that the kids are only with the Dad for short periods of time - maybe if they were there full time they wouldn’t be so spoilt- does he want them full time?
Goodness me… Let them be with their dad… you don’t actually own them…
All the haters can bugger off…
Kids deserve to have both parents…
They’ll find out the grass isn’t always greener on the other side! Let them go with love n blessings! When things don’t go their way they’re going to hightail it back home quick, fast, and n a hurry! Went through this yrs ago! Enjoy your life!
There definitely isn’t enough context or information here to go on and just because you’re their mom doesn’t mean you’re always in the right. If they’re happy and safe and well taken care of at their dad’s and that’s where they want to be then let them be there. There really isn’t much advice to give besides try to enjoy your new freedom. And if they decide they want to come back home then have a place for them. Theyre almost adults and capable of deciding where they want to be. If their dad is twisting stuff around then they’ll see it soon enough just like me and my sister did with our mom. Everyone is so quick to blame the dad or the kids but it seems like they made their reasons pretty well known and if internet is a reason then so be it. You can’t control whether they come back home but you can control how you react to the situation and screaming and making a scene will only drive them farther away. Check in periodically, see if they need anything. You’ve done your job so now try to enjoy your free time.
I know your heart must hurt, but as long as they aren’t being physically abused I’d let them stay. It’s their dad, not a stranger. Use this time to take on a better job, do some things for you. They’ll be 18 soon and then legally allowed to be on their own. They’ll see how hard it is to live.
im so sorry that sometimes kids act this way and that your so hurt about it but just know it’s nothing you did wrong or your fault you are a good mom and i know i regret some things i did as a teen to my mom but like every ones says the grass is not always greener on the other side and they will soon see that
They’re older kids, let them go and start enjoying life for yourself!
Unfortunately even if the father is influencing them, they have made their minds up. But that is because they just don’t understand how the world works. They think they know but don’t. I would just tell them, ok, you stay with dad . Than start doing you for a while. They will see what reality looks like. Just reassure them that you will always be there not matter what. And call them weekly to see how they are! Not to check up on dad.
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I’m assuming they’ve not been there for long ? Just reply saying ok that’s fine because I can assure you that it’s just a novelty just now because it’s new give them couple weeks and I guarantee they’ll be home x
When reading this, I don’t feel like you are mad because they want to stay with dad (as a some assume). It seems like you are hurt because your kids are choosing not to stay with you due some of the materialistic or foods you can’t buy or putting a hand into chores. That isn’t fair of them esp at their age. I’d just let them stay and I’d make sure when dad tells them no, you do too, but keep your door open and stand your ground in your home!
It sounds like he can better provide for them at the moment. No internet or video games isn’t a big deal, but they shouldn’t have to worry about not being able to eat. That can cause long lasting trauma and eating disorders
Kids are such self absorbed asses at this age. Lived this! My attorney told me point blank. Let him go!! I refused, payed out the ass to keep him home (at almost 17). At some point, his dad and him tormented me until I eagerly signed over custody. My son literally stayed with him 6 months before leaving his house too. It tooks several years but I got an apology from both of them. Let your kids go, try and maintain a good relationship with them. But let them go see for themselves. Good time Dad will have rules and expectations too. I’m sorry, I know how you feel.
At 16 and 17 they’re old enough to choose. Let them stay with dad and while they are there focus on finding a better paying job. If he doesn’t want them to stay let him be the one to tell them if that happens.
They’re 16&17 let them stay with him and start preparing your life without them. Soon both will be grown and out on their own.
Unfortunately you raised some selfish lazy kids. They should both have jobs at this age then they wouldn’t have time for immature foolish comments… my 3 kids had jobs at 15 and it taught them responsibilities commitment and how to budget save money… they also learned the value of it. That being said let them go. Tell them you love them and you are sad to see them go but understand and hope they will visit. You house rule don’t change when they visit. Your ex will get tired or maybe he will teach them to be more respectful who knows. As for you… take this time to get to know yourself…what do you want for your later years… they are almost old enough to be fine work on yourself… your kids don’t define you. Good luck
Let it be. You can’t force them and you’re only piling more pain on yourself. You can’t compete in the money stakes , and I’ve learned the hard way that love and care don’t go far with shallow people. Try to concentrate on yourself. Use your extra time and money ( now you’re not having to feed and clothe them) to do something nice for you. It isn’t easy but it’s better than beating yourself up about something you can’t change.
Kids don’t decide… The judge takes their opinion into consideration.
Not much you can do love
Don’t argue the matter wish them the best, tell them you love them and your door is always open if they decide they want to come back home . Live your life and find happiness
I love my children to bits and sacrificed alot for mine like you did, mine stayed with me but im with everyone else, you cant force them home and the grass is never greener on the other side, its now time for you to grow and spread your wings, just keep regular contact as teens are crap at that and just tell them your doors always open for them
Good luck with your future
My advice is to allow them be for now. As they get older allow them more chance to make decisions. Be there for them when they need you. Use the extra time to work on yourself get some rest and be ready to have them back when they are ready to return.
It sounds like this is the honeymoon phase. Different location, different food, better internet. Sure that’s great and I am sure that they are hyperfocusing on that right now. Like others have mentioned tell them that they are welcome to do that if they want but your door is open and do your own thing. If this is him speaking words into them it’ll eventually fade, they will have to do chores unless he really wants to pick up after them and if they are snacking all the time that gets expensive.
Split homes can be hard. I know it hurts, but try not to make a big deal out of it. If they want to spend most of their time with their dad, ask for at least one day on the weekend to spend time with them.
You know your kids schedule better than any of us, so pick at least one day that works for all of you, & do something together. It doesn’t always have to cost money.
Trust me, I know we’re all just trying to survive out here. Sending hugs.
Ugh ur kids sound retched. Yes I agree let them go and start living ur life again . And never take a lower paying job to move closer to anywhere lol
Parents shouldn’t talk about the other parent with their kids. Yes your kids are old enough to chose. Just always have a welcoming heart when they come home even though it may be for just a visit. Right now they are TEENAGERS which is when they don’t really know how they feel. So just be the good mama and sit tight.
They will learn later in life when they start paying bills. You are going to have to let them go and love them how you can from afar. Teenagers have no concept of paying bills are a budget. Let them grow up a bit more and be as loving as you can and accept the situation. They will come to see their error when they are out in the real world. You Can use this time to better yourself and use this time accordingly. God may be giving you a break even if it doesn’t look or feel like a good situation. You’ll get through this. Yes it hurts but don’t damage the relationship do to your hurt feelings. Love them and leave the rest to God love.
It’s not easy, but graciously let them stay. Get busy yourself. Maybe paint room or rearrange the furniture since it brings back sad feelings. Revisit old hobbies or check out new ones (you’re going to need to do this anyway once they’re grown and flown; you’re getting a test drive). Remember the old saying, “If you love something, set it free…” Your kids will come back to you. Stay positive, be positive and radiate positivity!!
The grass always looks greener on the other side. I would let them stay/move in and find out that there will always be chores and rules where ever they go. Let dad feed them for a while and be responsible 24/7. It might be hard at first but you take a much needed break and do for yourself.
Teenagers are a weird age, it’s the hardest age in my opinion. (I’ve raised 3) no matter what they say now they will eventually come around. Them choosing to live with their father doesn’t mean that they don’t love you anymore. They are just growing up and learning to think for themselves. I know it hurts but it’s nothing personal. They still love you. They just want to experience life outside of your bubble. It’s time momma, you did your job. You raised kids that speak their mind, make decisions about their life (even when it’s uncomfortable), and kids that are not afraid to tell you how they feel. Even though this situation wasn’t ideal for you, be proud that they feel like they can live without you bc one day they will have to do exactly that and it won’t be in the safety of a parents home. What you have done for them and the sacrifices that you’ve made will be evident to them but it will not be until they have experienced life. Cry. Let it out. But most importantly get back up and brace yourself for this next chapter of all of yalls life. It will be ok I promise. Hugs
Let them go and see the grass is not greener on the other side…they will see…
To some extent is does sound like your still bitter. Use the time to let it go. Fun time dad is the person who gives them everything. But at some point that will change. Just be ready to welcome them back.
They will figure it out eventually. Make them visit you at least
Sounds like you divorced a narcissist. Also, sadly, we have a generation of kids who only want immediate gratification mostly because of technology and access to anything they want/need in the scroll of a screen. Narc parents use every oportunity to turn a child against the other parent. Your kids are pretty old now. You may not have much success bringing them back. But all the good stuff you put in them is still there. Theyll understand someday. Live your life
Honestly go live your best life and just keep phone contact with them! They will grow older and then they will see! And when they see they will come back to you! They are kids and don’t understand and are really nieve! With time they will come back mama!
Best of luck
Deep breath…now, think back to your teen years…I want to preface my answer by saying this is actually a good thing…let me explain why.
- You have given them the skills and confidence to make decisions. That’s awesome parenting!
- I personally remember being one of your kiddos. Dad got a DUI and lost his job. We had to greatly downsize to live. It was embarrassing as a “teenager” because “looks” are everything to that age group…even your home. I would intentionally get off the bus one stop early so nobody knew where I lived.
- They don’t have their frontal cortex completely developed as this happens around age 25.
- Don’t allow yourself to feel defeated. You did what you had to…and your kids will appreciate it…but it will take 10 more years because the reasoning and logical thinking parts of their brains aren’t fully developed.
My advice: Status means everything to teens. It’s not because they don’t love you…but instead, they are “more popular” living in dad’s place? Take it as a compliment. Your kids have been taught how to make choices…I suggest trying to take them a step further. Give them a piece of paper with each bill…monopoly money…gas, groceries, etc you get my point. Tell them you want THEIR help…if they can visually see why you make the choices you do, I think they may come around. Let them actually be in charge of bills foe the month… maybe they will forget to pay the water bill…this will frustrate them but will teach them how important your job is and how well you are doing it😍
Your world as you know it is seems broken, but your world isn’t broken. Right now you are feeling a ton of emotions but I bet if you’re honest with yourself the biggest emotion of all is resentment toward your EX, you feel as if your kids choose him over you after all the sacrifices you’ve made, they didn’t they choose easy over not as easy. If you did the absolute best you could with the resources you had and you gave your time freely and showed up they will be back. This is a journey they need to do for themselves whatever their reasons. You keep showing up for all the important things regardless because they are not saying you are a bad mom they are saying it’s easier here. Your first job is to be their parent, not their friend keep being that parent!! Use this as a opportunity to do some things to better yourself. The truth is in a few years you would be going through the empty nest phase and chances are you would feel like your world was broken just minus the resentment toward your EX. You’ve taught your kids some valuable lessons for life be proud of that.
I’m sorry to hear that . Let them stay with their dad , so they could see the real HIM ! For the time being they are playing house ,when he starts saying NO then things change. Good luck
give them time for now, they’re still young and still learning about life. At least not try to force your way/want for now, it will only make things worst. Most important is they’re safe.
May be next time try to not argue, just stay calm. Yes you can’t afford to give them what they want but this doesn’t mean forever. They will realize what matters most in life eventually.
I’am making over $125 an hour working online with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over $ 18914 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless
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When parents separate and they with you 100 % then dad is the cook part time parent. Let them go he will have to parent full time and no be so much the fun parent anymore. You got this mama. Yes it hurts but know you did what you could to make them happy and healthy
I too agree that if it’s their wish to go, then let them. Unsure if there’s been some ulterior motive on the father’s part by encouraging them to move with him so as to cut off any child support payments which would be especially unfortunate for the kids if it’s only money and ego-based.
As hard as it is …let them go. Kill them with kindness and understanding.
This is the honeymoon phase at their Dads house…
They will be begging to come back to your house.
I give them 6 months and they will be in their knees wanting to come home.
I would bet the farm on this one!
My oldest moved in with her dad at 15 she told me that she did not like our small town wanted the city life ( he lives in a major city an hour and half away) plus she would get her own room. I missed her but saw she was thriving she graduated top of class she got into med school she’s now 20 and lives alone in another major city. I tried nor taking it personally considering her dad is also her parent and has rights to her in my mind I was like I’m the mom I need her
They will not understand until they have a family of their own, what it takes to keep it afloat. They won’t understand the sacrifices.
They just don’t have a clue. But when they do, they will apologize for taking you for granted and being selfish.
Let the dad take them BUT you let them know that you are always going to be there for them no matter what!! Good luck you can do this!!
I would seriously let them stay over there.
Sounds like your ex is a narcissist. Kids are weird when they hit those ages. BUT they will grow up one day and hopefully see that your a mommy trying. Pray, pray to the man above
Put it in God’s hands!!
I’d let them… and start focusing more on myself. Let daddy parent them and hope all goes well. Communicate with them everyday
Let them go , I did and a year later my son called to come back. They need to see grass isn’t always greener
Give it a little time. I would be willing to bet the novelty of living with Dad will wear off.
Finally a real story. I can totally relate. Just keep your head up. The kids will realize in time, when they have a job and start paying for their own.
These kids are old enough to decide. Yes it may hurt you as a mother to see them go, but by your own words you’re not able to provide for them as well as their father.
It can feel like a world of hurt…I go through the same but don’t blame my kids…their dads mom provides alot for them. She pretty much has stepped in and taken over all their fathers responsibilities cause he’s an addict. But I don’t get mad, I’m greatful for her being there for them…I know they love me and I them…just know he cant fill your shoes, cause you will always be mom…I didn’t always get along with their gram due to her enabling her son and blaming me for everything…but ive always stayed respectfull to her cause she is their gramma and it’s not about her or me, it’s about them…even though she’s done some shady things like use the kids to hurt me, if I respond like she does all that does is hurt the kids more…im in this for them not her…she’s tried to bribe them offer things I can’t… but I will always be mom…they are old enough know and they understand and know what she has done or tried to do…she used to be so two faced sorry to say…she’d be oh so polite when face to face but totally different behind closed doors talking badly about me infront of my kids…but they know whats up…she did try to take over on my spot…going as far as acting hurt one time when someone commented something about oh your kids are…whatever it was she said…my kids spoke up saying she not our mom! She then acted like they punched her…which I think is inappropriate reaction…cause she knows and they know she’s not mom…anyone can try but but that’s a title that can’t be replaced and my kids know that…she is grama and that’s her role…when it comes right down to it, kids know…
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Been there. As hard as it is, let them. They will learn pretty quick. If you need someone to talk to you can pm me
Honestly i know this sucks, but let them go. They will eventually come back when they have had enough of him. Its very hard to please teenagers especially when they think they are entitled to everything. Its hard to explain necessities over privileges/fun things. Eventually they will grow up and realize that bills and food are more important than privileged items. My parents had a talking to my middle sister about bills, it was hard to grasp but she got over it. I knew first hand that life is hard and what i got can go away. If they have cell phones, tablets, anything tied to you bill wise, cut them off. I have a son who luckily knows if hes a brat or a bad boy is fun things get taken away. If it helps you could go back to the better job and work more, but dont say anything to your teenagers. Even when they are cut off from you, keep trying to talk with them dont go all silent on them.
I’m sorry momma! I’m dealing with the same exact situation with my 14 and 15 year old daughters. They will start school with their fathers this year for the first time ever. It’s hard to let go and grasp the thought of failing but we have done all that we’ve needed to do, we’ve done everything God intended us to do. Let them go, sometimes it’s not always greener on the other side. It’s a lesson they must learn. sending love and hugs
You know what? You did your part in raising them. You fed and clothed them and it’s not the end of the world that they have dad time now. Let him stress and parent them. They still love you it just hurts for now. Focus on ur happiness maybe join a few clubs. You’ll have a few extra dollars so get ur hair done. Be open and love ur kids but grab a few gf and do something u enjoy. It’s not the end it’s the beginning of ur new journey. Let them go hon and be ur own woman. Be there if they need u.
Agreed with above. My niece pulled this on my mother who’s raised her since she was 2. She wanted to move in with her dad and though it broke my mommas heart. She said go. Girl was back in 2 months. Lesson learned about her dad, that we tried to tell her but had to learn herself.
Those are just hard ages. They will come around don’t force it just be there. I have 3 between 17 and 24. The 2 younger ones hang in rooms. My oldest is always with me now. They go through phases it will pass. I have been that heartbroken momma.
Sounds like your ex is the good guy in the eyes of the kids. I would let them go. Have him go with you and put the ball in his court. Talk is cheap
Respect their decision and be supportive. If it works out there great… if not they know they have a place to come back to.
Let them go. My kiddo hasn’t spent an over night with her dad in 7yrs and decided she wanted to stay with him. Not even two weeks in she was begging to come home. Support them. Let them know you love them. Their dad loves them too. They need to see the grass isn’t always greener. And if it is greener over there that is ok too. The kids being happy is what’s important. Unless it’s not safe which it doesn’t sound like safety is an issue then they should be allowed to be with their dad. I know it’s hard.
I personally would let then stay with their dad if that’s what they want to do. Take time for you and they will come visit. It will build yalls relationships stronger. If not they will hold it against you. It would hurt my feelings too but he is their dad
From personal experience let it be . My mom went through the same thing with my other siblings (spoiled) she did all that she could and provided our needs but they wanted more. They will learn
It is very heartbreaking for you,but I agree let them, because in the long run,your ex will get tired of them it’s all good right now,but trust,he will quit giving to them and then you will not only get them back,You will have that upper control.
Go pick up your kids. They are 16, 17. Not yet 18. You still have custody. They can make the choice when they are 18.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Not sure where you’re located but if you qualify for food stamps you should also qualify for other assistance such as phone and internet as well. The worst feeling is when your kids don’t want to come home. But they are still so young and self centered teenagers. You are mom and even though it’s hard they will always find their way back to you. Talk with them and come to a mutual agreement on how you would all like to live together and what it means to you. I hope all works out mama
Let them stay and you keep smiling. They are at the age that seeing sacrifices isn’t the strong point. And this will help you financially with good to maybe put some into savings. I’m sorry momma
Just relax. I went threw this with my 2 oldest boys. That lasted almost 3 weeks and then they called and asked me to come and get them. I said as soon as I get a chance. I waited almost 2 weeks and went and got them. They never asked again to go back.
They will grow up emotionally and mentally one day …and realize life is way harder than they think it is…I realize it’s hurtful…but they don’t have any real life experience behind them yet…hang tough
Rent out their rooms !
Obviously Dads place is a palace with servants !!!
The other parent always plays the good cop card
Unfortunately you just have to let them go and eventually he may do something to turn the favour back to you
Its up to you to decide if you want them back
Let them go for now. Go get your higher paying job. They will discover that the grass isn’t always greener so keep the door open. It hurts but they are old enough to choose. They will get a real rude awakening when they have to work and provide for themselves which isn’t very far off.
I haven’t had experience with this situation, but I’ll give my perspective anyway. There is a lot of context missing from your post- so I’ll go at face value based only on what you’ve given.
First, I’m sorry you are feeling sad about this, I don’t blame you at all. My girls are younger, 10 & 13, and I can’t imagine going from having them here all the time to them suddenly not wanting to be with me. It must sting, for sure. A lot of the advice you’ve gotten so far is actually pretty good. I think you need to put your feelings aside and let them go, for now. Whether or not he’s twisting your words is irrelevant. If they were young kids hanging onto his every word, then I might agree that he ‘took them’, but They are old enough to see things in their own perspectives and make a choice about where they want to be. Maybe give them a trial period to see how it works out and then you can all go from there. I don’t know the ins and outs of your marriage and personalities- but it being a ‘nasty divorce’ alone can be traumatic for kids- especially ones just becoming teenagers. I’m sure they saw and heard things that hurt them and that doesn’t just go away.
My biggest advice is to get yourself into therapy. You need to. Maybe your daughter isn’t wrong- maybe you are irritable and snappy. Maybe you let your resentment show too much. Maybe you are being toxic and should honestly listen to her and take a long hard look at your own behavior. Get past that place of anger and resentment. It’s okay that it’s there. After a bad marriage and rough divorce, you’re bound to have lasting emotional effects. Therapy for you is so important. Make it a priority. My mom is toxic and I used to pray for their divorce so that I could live with my dad. She refused to ever see her own bad behavior because SHE is a narcissist. Make sure you aren’t ignoring your own faults to only focus on their faults. If you can, family therapy can help you become a functional unit again, but therapy for you should come first.
Internet is the way of life these days and honestly I can understand that being a reason why they’d want to stay at their dads. It doesn’t make them ungrateful it makes them realistic. It’s how kids socialize and entertain themselves. Sure they can jump in the pool and read a book, but then what? School is starting in a few weeks and at least in my daughters school- having internet at home is a necessity. In fact, you should talk to the school about it because they may be able to help you out with that. I would try to make getting internet a priority, also.
I’m not sure why your son thinks your house brings up bad memories if you’ve moved to a different place since the divorce. What are the bad memories about, if not your ending marriage?
Talk to your kids. Ask them to come over for meals or just to hang out with you for a few hours every couple of days so you get to see them. Hear what they have to say. Make changes and compromises on all sides. Try to understand their points of view. They might be teens but they are still just kids who have big feelings and emotions and don’t know how to express them the right way all the time. They don’t know what it takes to stay afloat in this world. The things that are important to them are going to be vastly different. They’re worried about what their friends are doing and trying to keep up with them, not how to pay the electric bill. People saying how selfish and ungrateful they are, really aren’t being fair. They’re kids! They have an opportunity to choose between a house where they have to cook and clean and work and otherwise be bored without any amenities- or a house where they don’t have to worry or struggle and can just be kids. If you were 16, where would you want to go?
Just let them be. And continue to love them. Dont force them into coming home that will make them resent you. Just tell them your home is open if they want to return and you love them regardless its hard but im sure eventually they’ll make their way home
been there— let them go theyll see the REAL DAD after a month there its hard but stay busy maybe re decorate there rooms or get part time job while there gone prayers
Respect their decision and work on making your home someplace welcoming
As someone who moved out on their own from my mother at 16, you need to allow the freedom to choose. Sometimes it’s not about the rules, parenting etc. But rather about them finding their happiness and selves. It’s not easy my any means and they learn the hard way that life’s not easy, but at their young ages that won’t anytime soon. The most important thing to NOT do is make them feel guilty for doing so and DO NOT blame the father your children’s decisions as they are old enough to think for themselves.
Let then go love yourself.
I am going through the same. I am looking at it like this. I have raised them since birth. You want to say there. Okay. I am going to have less stress and less mess. Let them be. They will learn. They don’t appreciate you. Go do things for you.
They’re also old enough to get a job and need to appreciate their hard trying and loving mother… let them do what they want focus on what’s best for you they’ll come around
Kids can be assholes. I am sure the dad is putting crap in their heads. It’s a shame.
Just let them stay there and you work on enjoying your life. As they age, they will see all you did for them. You can’t buy long lasting love.
I’d say let them stay. They are teens in a very hard place right now. I have always struggled to maintain the basic necessities of everything for my kids, while their fathers have had a little more money and the ability to do more for them while they were here and help provide for them…but didn’t. So when they would visit, they would have all the lavish things I couldn’t provide. And they got side tracked, in their feelings and emotional. NOW, with that being said, it didn’t take long for the fathers to understand what I was dealing with, the entitlement they felt they deserved and the problems there begin to happen. And the kids were ready to come home. Keep communication open with the kids, make it clear that you are respecting their wishes, though you wish they would come home etc. Make yourself available for any phone calls they may call with at any time. That you’re not giving up on them, you’re just respecting their wishes etc. I ONLY say this, because they will IN TIME, understand what it took to raise them and care for them and will have alot more respect for you. And in this time, heal yourself, therapy, counseling, a better job etc. Work on you, save money, and never think you’re giving them up. Set up a visitation schedule with them. Tell them “OK, I’m willing to do my part and respect your wishes, but I still want to see you on weekends (or whatever), if you can’t respect my wishes I will bring you home to stay as i am legally entitled to do so.” make that clear to them. Set the rules with the kids and the father. Get it in text, letter form but make sure it’s Notarized or it means nothing…always cover your end.
I wish you the best Momma, I know it’s hard, I’m a single mom to 3, ages 17, 15, and 5…my youngest is Autistic and numerous other medical issues…I get NO help with her. I know it will hurt the heart, but this is a good way to get yourself on a better track not just for you, but for the kids as well.
Sad they don’t appreciate what you have done for them . But they are at a selfish stage. Let them stay and figure it out. Make sure they have to go to school and graduate you move on with your life take a better job .life has a lot of lessons for them
I’m sorry, it will pass, they still love you but right now they’re being offered more for less in return, that’s all. They’ll see the mistake they made one day. Just let them know you’re there if they need you.
Follow the parenting plan and have them follow it. Enforce it if you have to.
Just let them know you are there and your door is open. Ask them to call to keep in touch. When they do don’t question, don’t say negative things. LISTEN and learn. Try to take them out for a burger or movie occasionally and keep the negative out of the time. Work on yourself. Change your home. Paint, move furniture, get new pictures or pillows. They will come around but you can’t give them all negative energy and expect them to enjoy it.
I am so sorry
You are trying your best, they are teenagers who just truly do not understand what being a single parent is like in this country right now.
Best thing is to let it be. After all when push comes to shove you can NOT force a 16 and 17 year old to do anything. You must focus on you. Find happiness. Find ways to better your life. Use this time to either work 2 jobs or find a better paying job. Find a good hobby. Something you really enjoy! Take classes in small groups for fun. Always remember them. Send birthday cards and cards for everything for that matter. Always invite them over to hang out. Don’t pressure them to come home. Instead, try to get them to come over to just simply hang out. Texts like hey wanna go see this movie tonight. Or want to come over order pizza and watch some movies. I got pop corn. Or hey, I got into this new thing (your new hobby) (example: kayaking) want to go kayaking with me this weekend? It’s lots of fun. When they say no leave it!!! Just simply reply, okay just remember your always more than welcome. Love you. And that’s it. Never bash their dad. That will make them blame you and hate you! Girl this is litteral all you can do. Accept it! Face it! And move on! Live a good happy fun life! And when they see you are moved on and happy and having fun they will want you in their life! They will eventually want you to be a big role and a important part in their live, IF you don’t push them away, IF you don’t bash their father, IF you don’t force it. They honestly may never move back in. But you will have their hearts!!! And that’s where it counts!!!
This happened to me. I never had internet or cable. Well their dad had it all. I left them to and 2 months later they come home for a week and and never went back to their dads. My two children found out what he was really like.
First you need to stop blaming your choices on them or their dad. You choose to take a lower paying job … and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. But don’t blame them for that choice. You made it. A nasty divorce implies your children have seen you and their father both act an ass. Their feelings on that are just as valid as yours are. You call your children to ask why they’ve chosen to stay at their dads but then get mad and “growl” at them when they tell you … you’ve proven their points. Again, you did that. Not them. You asked a question, they answered and your response is exactly what they’re talking about.
You need to be responsible for your own actions and stop blaming others.
Let thm go… Let thnm learn on their own… Teenagers think they know everything… When they dnt… They will need u eventually… Go build urself up… And show them wht could’ve been… Or let them go… Start over and start a new family pelenty of women have… when their kids have choosen sides. .
Eventually their father will probably have expectations for them and they might want to come back.
They made their choices, downsize homes, get a 2 bedroom and set it up for their visits in one room for them, enjoy yourself… You handled all the hard stuff, let dad take over a while.
Be patient. It’s hard. Find ways to make self happy. They will come back