My kindergartner has been crying about going to school: Advice?

My son started kindergarten this year! The first half of the week was fine but the second week and today he is crying that he doesn’t want to go . The last few times he had to be drug in by staff because he wouldn’t let go of me , screaming he doesn’t want to go . I asked him if anyone was mean to him or what the problem is and all he says he doesn’t want to go . I asked if it was boring and he said yes . So I really don’t know what the issue is . My question for you moms is ,would you make your child go even tho they’re screaming and crying that they don’t want too ? I’m still not working so technically I can homeschool or online school him . But im not sure if that’s detrimental to him or the right thing . Any advice helps .

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My kindergartner has been crying about going to school: Advice?

Maybe go with him for a day if possible

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One of the kids is being mean

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Listen to your kid, if you can homeschool go for it. You miss so much by sending them to school

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He just misses his mom. My daughter starts next week. Im a wreck. Its emotional attachment. :cry:

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might be overwhelmed…

Nope. If he’s 5 he can take another year. They don’t have to start until 6. Here anyways. I’m in TN. There’s no sense in him feeling like this, listen to your baby. :blue_heart:

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Ask school staff how long after drop off he’s crying. If it’s few mins, hes playing you like all three kids if mine played me. Makes you feel bad to see if he can get away from school. And once realizes mom’s not coming back he’s fine.

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My daughter hated kindergarten right away when she started last year. She would cry about it, and constantly act like she was sick so she didn’t have to go. Turns out she just didn’t like that there are rules, you have to pay attention, and you don’t get to play all day like you do at home or daycare. Perhaps that could be the issue?

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He misses you. Make plans with him for after school. Something that isn’t " boring " a fun activity he can enjoy with the person he’s missing.
Also, talk to his teacher. See how he is during the day with the other kids.

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He might just be overwhelmed. New place. New faces. Cry mama. He will be ok

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Mine was fine first week after that when he sees the other kids crying he dies it. But then he’s fine through out the day I get pictures of him and check on him

How old is he? Did he go to Pre-K?

He might just be used to being home with you all the time. Maybe he just thought the first week was for fun like a camp. He might need to actually go to socialize and see how other kids act

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What do his teachers say about his overall demeanor when you’re gone? Does he have friends? I wouldn’t say scrap school altogether, look into a different school.

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It’s pretty typical behavior from what I recall. It’s good that you asked him those important questions. But be careful not to lead him or instill ideas.
I recall this being normal behavior, at first they can be excited about school, the idea of being with other kids, etc. Then reality sets in that this is their new normal. They are now away from home, parents, and what was their normal daily routine for so many hours a day.

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First, I know it’s breaks your Mommy heart to see your baby so upset. I hate to say it’s normal for kids at this age, but it is true. My son had a tough first two weeks of his first year of school. He was never in any kid of daycare and was only left with my mom for a few hours here and there.

We tried hard to talk about it positively and with excitement. We read books about staring school and watched those kids of episodes on a few tv shows he likes. I made sure I was at school until he walked in and before the bell so he didn’t feel scared at all.

Our teachers have reminded us that it’s normal and even takes some kids until Halloween to feel comfortable in school. Maybe ask the teacher if there is anything they’d let you do to help make the transition easier on both of you?

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Did he ever go to pre-school? I never did and had pretty severe anxiety in Kingergarten. I don’t think homeschooling would make the situation better if that’s the case

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My son did the same thing the first few days he was fine and then for about 3 weeks after that he would scream and cry and hold on to me but the teacher would tell me once I left he would stop crying and he had so much fun , so I delt with the crying every morning in the school line with him for 3 weeks and then he got better and better

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Listen to your intuition….

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Hard yes…but good for him to socialize and be around other kids. School is important and even if it’s hard … at first… keep encouraging. By having a fit, and giving in, he knows he’s in control. But it is hard mom…just keep encouraging.

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Nope. Home school him maam

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I would definitely speak to teacher and see how long he is crying after you leave and if he is engaging and participating in activities and the other kids then I would give him some time to adjust. It’s probably just issues with transition and separation anxiety. If after 3 or 4 weeks if you do not see improvements and feedback from school is concerning then you should pull him out since you have the option.

It’s just kindergarten, it’s not even required…. Keep him home ! I would seriously consider homeschooling him and right now all he needs is play based learning at home .

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Hes 5/6, going to school for 7+ hours a day, what person ever wants to do that? The hours are very very very long for these poor children. If we don’t want to work 40 hours a week, what makes you think 5/6 year olds want too?

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My nephew told his mom on Monday that he had diarrhea, on Tuesday a runny nose and today he said he had a cold and to call grandma lol my sister told him you can be sick on Monday :joy:

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It sounds like some type of anxiety.I would talk to his doctor about it and see what can help him.In the mean time,I would home school him.

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FROM EXPERIENCE, dont homeschool. Separation anxiety SUCKS. It hurts. And I know you spend every second worried when theyre gone. It feel traumatizing. But i PROMISE you, he needs to be there. :heart:

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Honestly I’d ask to visit for a day to see what the routine is like and see what could be the cause of him not wanting to be there. I’d consider removing him if he was miserable and you couldn’t figure it out next week.

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Sometimes it’s just a matter of him settling in. My daughter screamed for the first month at least but once she settled in,it’s hard to get out of there. I had no choice bcos I had to work. Maybe focus on the good things he done that day?

It’s rough and I’m tough, but I say give it a few months then see. Transactions are hard.

Oh girl. I went through the same thing with my youngest. It is more than likely separation anxiety. Poor little nugget has been home with you his whole life, and now is getting thrown into a different routine. It’s hard for them. He’ll be ok. As long as there’s no other issues going on. I bet he adjusts just fine, in a month or two. Be strong Mama!

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Sounds pretty normal and yes of course I made all 3 of mine go. 1 of the 3 cried all year. Hell sometimes still and he’s gone for 4 year’s.

Does he stop after you leave? Is he making friends? That behavior isn’t uncommon. School is a new and sometimes scary thing. I would try to make him stick it out. He’s not just learning to read and write but learning how to follow rules and socialize.

If he’s just saying it’s boring, homeschooling won’t be any better. He would still have to do the work. Unless he thinks he won’t have to do the work at home. Then he would still throw fits having to do the same boring work from home. Having him be independent at school can be good for a child.

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I would say some other kid is not saying happy thing!!

Same!! My daughter cries every day :cry: breaks my heart :broken_heart::broken_heart:

Hell settle in when he makes friends and realised how fun it can be

Could you volunteer at the school to help encourage him to engage there? I’m sure the teachers and staff would really appreciate it. :relaxed:

I know what you mean though. Very tough decision. If I could homeschool my son and do ok financially, I would. Big hugs. :hugs:

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You can see if you can go and sit with him for an hour or two each day until he gets used to school. If that is something you are able to do.

I’d ask to be allowed to stay or perhaps look from a distance to see what’s exactly is going on

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I’d say this is pretty normal with most kids! I have a 5 year old Daughter and 6 year old son and they both went to Headstart together for 2 years and our daughter has ALWAYS been a social butterfly, but our son is the complete OPPOSITE :sob: He FOUGHT us tooth and Nail for the first month of Headstart both years he had went and they had to drag him to class because he’s bigger than kids his age so they couldn’t actually carry him and he would cry and beg momma take me home​:sob::sob::sob: I wanted to turn and run with him and NEVER let him go back, but the teacher assured me that it would get better and about a month in it really did get better but it just took time for him to get used to it and they even let me know that after I was gone he would stop crying about 10-20 mins later and would do fine the rest of the time! And honestly I’m so glad I sent him and had to be tough during that time because he’s in Kindergarten now and his sister is in PreK and he is so used to having his sister with him at all times so this year is a big adjustment for him but he hasn’t had 1 crying fit going to school yet so I believe them making him go when in headstart helped him a lot and he’s only cried the first 2 days once he was at school and it was because he passed his sister in the hall and at lunch and wanted to be with his sister​:sob::sob::heart:

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homeschool him if you have the opportunity. Your child can learn at his own pace, studies show homeschoolers are more adept at social situations than public schoolers and overall more socialized in general.
being locked in classrooms for 6-7+ hours a day and forced to be quiet is not socializing no more what anyone says, and also being exposed to bullying and unsavory behavior often times isn’t fun.

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Mine does a similar thing every year… 3rd grade coming up & I expect the same reaction as always. She is super shy and anxious and has troubles with new teachers/ classrooms … change in general…even tho she’s been in this school since kindergarten & knows most of the teachers and the principal etc . They are aware of these issues and do work with her… she had “time outs” where she carried a card around her neck & could use it 3 times a day if she was upset frustrated or feeling overwhelmed to “go take a break” I suggest maybe speaking with liaisons and teachers to form a plan just in case. She no longer needs the “take a break” as she has come leaps an bounds over the years however she still has hiccups here & there …

Being a retired Kindergarten teacher I have seen this happen numerous times…usually it is a little bit of fear…but more commonly it is the structure and routine they don’t like…following rules…taking turns etc is not fun at first. He will be fine as long as you follow through and DO NOT GIVE IN…more times than not, those are the students that ended up loving me and school the most!!! This too shall pass…Hang in there!!!

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The social skills kids learn in a school environment are so important… things that cannot be taught online or through home school. Just something to consider.
If he hasn’t been apart from you before (such ad daycare or preschool) then this is a big adjustment for him. He will be fine, mama.

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I remember those days with my two.
Now, my Grandson (he is 2.5 yrs) does this to his Mom at Daycare😢
I talked myself blue in the face… once the routine was settling, it got easier… but it was difficult!

My niece cried for about 3 months it was because at nap time they turn out the lights she is afraid of the dark we have always kept a light on since she was a baby and then there was a substitute teacher who screamed at the kids and she didn’t like that we’ve never yelled at her so she was scared of her. Might be something similar you never know.

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He will be ok,just remind him that the weekend is yalls time and after school but school is where u go to learn and make friends

Sounds like my daughter when she started kindergarten. The teacher asked me if she could put a sticker chart by the door. She put 1 sticker every day she didn’t go in crying or freaking out. When the chart was full she’d bring it home and I took her to dollar tree to pick out a “prize/reward”. IT WORKED like a charm. She’d look forward to putting a sticker on the chart every morning and so proud when she brought it home full.

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My son did this same thing 12 years ago and it was bc he took the 4 year old and 5 year old class in preschool. I’m kindergarten he would get his papers done before anyone and get bored. They had to give him jobs like turn on the computers for everyone daily etc.

I taught littles for many years. Unless there is some actual problem, besides general separation anxiety, you need to let your kiddo adjust. Many times, it is full drama as they’re heading into school in the morning. Then the rest of the day they are fine. It’s just a matter of getting used to a new routine. It’s a hard adjustment for everyone, but they will get over it if you give them time. If it continues for more than another week or two, you should definitely sit down with the teacher to see how to proceed; but right now just give it a bit more time. :blue_heart:

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Read the book “the kissing hand” its super cute and helps with the anxiety of going to school

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It’s normal. Don’t stay… let him experience it. It is boring. That’s why they don’t want to go. But it’s school and it’s now time for him to get used to it. He will be okay. It’s all developmentally appropriate. I always feel like staying makes it harder on the kid, the teachers and other kids . Because they are clung to
You the whole time then you try to leave and they lose it and now the whole class is disrupted and teacher has to stop and cater to kiddo. He will get used to it. But he doenst want to do it because it’s school. It’s like introducing “a job” to a 5yo. Not fun. But it’s what he needs and he will get used to it. Don’t worry momma. Also, I bet you minutes after he is taken by teachers he has calmed down. :heart::heart::heart: keep him there.

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My boy did the same thing turns out he was being bullied and now he has been bullying a bit. When someone picks on him he will go and pick on an innocent trying to get him out of this since kindergarten :pensive::sob::broken_heart:

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Brick and mortar is not for everyone, I have a very introverted teenager, we struggled through primary school and middle school, that is something to consider. Although kindergarten may be quite young to know for sure what is best, you do whatever works best for your child individual needs.

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You know him best and what’s best for him, I would say he will adjust and get use to it they are such long hard days for little ones to get use to, and all the new thing they’re learning it’s exhausting for them I remember my boy gettting of the bus from kindergarten and literally threw himself on the floor and said it’s such a long day :heart:
It gets easier for both of you

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Separation anxiety totally normal behaviour

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I wouldn’t make him go if I could home school him. He’s obviously too miserable to learn anything. Try him again next year

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i used to do that to my mom from like kindergarten-8th grade lmao there was never any reason other than i was a home body and liked being with my mom :woman_shrugging:t3: she’d have to just let the teacher take me inside or distract me while she left. i’d cry for about an hour and then be over it. i grew out of it eventually lol

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It’s never easy to deal with this! I’m sure you have a busy schedule, but ask the teachers if you can stay with him one day. Then you can go from there, just to see what’s going on! God bless you mama, I hope you find a resolution :heart_eyes: I mean I have 7 children ages 22 to 3 so I’ve been there. I’m only speaking from experience.

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Take him to school. Don’t let him learn to use crying and screaming as a manipulation tactic. They’re always totally fine a couple minutes into the day. Don’t make a huge deal out of the goodbye. As long as teachers assure you he’s fine and nothing is wrong and he continues to tell you nothing wrong is going on, he’s going to survive it lol. Alot of us have been there.

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Has he ever been away from you? Maybe you could stay for a while with him to ease him into a new place?

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It’s normal for a child to be ok with going for a few days and then be upset they have to go. Try to find out if he cries throughout the day or just at drop off. If he also cries throughout the day, most likely something happened. If you are able to homeschool him for kindergarten, I’d definitely do it.

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I would talk to the teacher and see what’s going on from her side and try to work it out

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Don’t let him bully or coerce you. This is normal you have to cut the apron strings at some point.

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Something is going on. It may be he’s scared to say. It could be a teacher or aide. I was bullied by teachers as was my daughter. I had to threaten the principal with CPS and the police dept before he took her out of the class. Look for bruises or scratches. Her teacher encouraged others to kick her and stab her with sharpened pencils. I’m not saying that’s what’s going on but , she acted the same. Your not demeaning his education with on line schooling. It’s actually more beneficial. My cousins finished their schooling 3 years early. Investigate more. Don’t let it go till you know the truth.

Homeschooling is awesome if you are in a position to do it.

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He’ll be fine just realizing it’s a routine and used to being with mum

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I went to public school for 15 years (2 years of headstart and then k-12) and I have zero social skills and I’m probably the most socially awkward adult on the planet. :joy: My homeschooled children have better social skills than I do. So…homeschooling isn’t detrimental. For most, it’s actually the opposite. Try it, he might thrive. For social interaction, you can do library days, homeschooling groups, etc. You can always put him back into public school later. Good luck, mama.

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My son did that and found out the problem was his teacher. My youngest daughter did that til third grade but it’s because she has separation anxiety. Could literally be anything so investigate it then make your decision

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Yes they need school

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I’d find a different school.

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Also, the online and homeschools have field trips and family meet ups with other children who are homeschooled… Not required, but it’s there. So he can if you wish, still get social interaction. Good luck with this Mama.

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My daughter never wanted to go , I could hear her crying from down the street until someone suggested sending her with her comfort thing which was a blankey , never had a problem after that, she’s 17 and still has it :slight_smile:

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Ugh I wish I had some advice to give you, I’m sorry this is happening. I know how frustrating it can be to not know what the issue is, and it absolutely kills you to send your child when he is acting that way. Breaks your heart cause you just want to step in and save him, you are his safe space and that’s what he wants. It’s soooooo hard not to give in. I have been struggling with this with my autistic daughter (11) for years. She absolutely loved pre-school, did two years of it. Then came kindergarten, she did good about a quarter of the way through then did a complete 360. She fought tooth and nail to not go. She wasn’t very verbal then and it was hard to get an answer as to what happened all of a sudden. The school swears up and down nothing happened, guess I’ll never know. But she won, she was homeschooled for a few years. But that wasn’t going well to be honest (not saying it wouldn’t go great for you). She showed interest in wanting to go back last school year, it lasted a couple days and right back to refusing. She can over power me now so I can’t physically force her to go and honestly I’m tired of trying. It’s a lot of mental distress for the both of us. Luckily I found an amazing school that has worked with her and I on the issue, so far anyways. Sorry for the long comment and all the details. Also sorry I have no advice as I’ve been struggling with somewhat the same issue. Just wanted you to know I completely understand how torn you feel. It’s hard :broken_heart:. I hope it works itself out and wish you luck with whatever you choose :heart::heart:

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I was the kid who was screaming and crying.
I’m also a twin. I was completely not fine! And the crying went on for weeks. The only reason I stopped screaming was Becuz it was kinda embarrassing. But I didn’t feel good. I felt like part of me was missing and it was my twin. They finally helped me feel lil better by allowing her to come visit me in class and I do the same and they would allow us to eat lunch together everyday. I was introvert and didn’t know it. So bring in a huge classroom with so many people and expecting to talk infront of class was scary and hated it.
To this day I prefer smaller groups.
If ur not working then u should homeschool kinder. I’m doing that for all of my kids and they are actually advanced. I’m home too and I enjoy the fact that I can contribute to their level of support and attention one one one is best. I taught English and Spanish basic math and read lots of books, flash cards, coloring also field trips and play dates. We cooked and did crafts. I’m excited to teach my 5 yr old this yr. We already started. Kinder is not required. I wish I had homeschool kinder.
As a kid I was immensely bored in class and that was also part of the cringe. I would escape to the bathroom just to get some quiet time and isolated time. Each grade and i felt most happy when everyone was leaving and I was the last one and only one in the classroom. I did still have friends. Thrive in lil groups.

In kinder it was Never one on one and that caused me to get behind. Of course I’m not behind anymore and continue my education to almost complete a masters degree. It has nothing to do with depriving him if he’s homeschooled. Try homeschool and small group play dates. I feel kids thrive more when they are comfortable in their environment that relates to their personality

No, I would not. And I would not let a staff or teacher drag him into school.
Homeschooling is beautiful!

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l Get paid over $109 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $14297 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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You need to set the expectation that he needs to go to school. Set a consistent schedule and talk to him about how great school is versus making a big deal and “homeschooling”. That’s just gonna make matters worse for him in the future

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l Get paid over $109 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $14297 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Following… my son start pre k last year. Every day was a nightmare he screamed, cried hid on the bus refusing to get off. I’m hoping this year is different it was awful.

My little girl used to scream when going to nursery. I would tell her in the mornings to prepare her with what they are going to be doing today. She did love the chickens at nursery though so that did help a little in the end she went in fine with no problems

If you stay home it’s separation anxiety

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Technically the law states they don’t have to start till age 7. Maybe he’s to young. Pull him and work on school at home and try again next year if it’s that bad

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My sons first year of school was last year. Kinder, the first two weeks were super hard. He cried every single day. His teacher was kind to him even though he cried often. She started letting him know when the hour changed and just how much longer he had before he saw me. She also went above and beyond by printing a picture of my son and I from his first day and laminated it, he was able to carry it with him. This helped him since he could see me.
He’s in first grade now and he still Has the picture. (Didn’t cry this year :pray:t3:)
It’s hard but it’s a BRAND new routine. Being away from mom for so long is new and scary. But giving up on the whole situation will make it harder later.

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Just think you only have 12 more years to debate school with your child…

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Can anyone else drop him off? hopefully he will start being more comfortable there. Do they say he is ok once there a bit? Has he done a preschool yet? If not and you can pull him and want to–maybe try a 3x/week preschool istead?

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When my kids were young, I had to work, so they had babysitters. Then when they started school, they were ok. I’m not sure how to advise you with your little one. I did read a response where you were advised to let your son carry a laminated picture of the two of you. That sounds like a pretty good idea. I think I would give that a try. I would let him know that he’s getting to be a big boy now and as a big boy there’s stuff he has to know. When he goes to school he’ll learn that stuff. Tell him it may seem boring now, but when he’s older he’ll understand. Tell him you love him and you’ll see him when he gets home. Then he can tell you all about what he learned in school.

It’s an adjustment if he hasn’t been to school previously. Maybe let him take something small to comfort him that won’t be a distraction. Give him more time to settle in or find someone at the school who he feels comfortable with to walk him to class. If my daughter doesn’t like someone’s tone of voice or their demeanor she is the same way

Could be separation anxiety. I would tell mine to try out the school year and if he still feels the same way for the next school year then homeschool.

It’s school he has to go for the next 13 years sorry kid… he’ll be okay and get over it most every kid goes threw that

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Have you spoke to the teacher? When I taught kindergarten. I suggested to parents that the parents explain to the child that school was their job and talk about small tokens for a successful day that they could use for bigger rewards on the weekend.

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My son’s first year was super hard too. My advice to you is to make him go, of he doesn’t have a specific reason as to why he doesn’t want to go sounds like he’s burned out. He’s still young and 5 days straight can be tough on them at first. Give him more than 1 week to get used to it before you make rash decisions.

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Have your child tested…your child might think it’s boring because he is smarter than the rest. If he is bored , he will not want to learn what the teacher is teaching.

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My daughter hated going to school the whole kindergarten but first grade she had been just fine.

Maybe reach out to a parent of a child in the same class to make friends,him having a friend in his class can change everything!!!
My son starts kindergarten tomorrow and weeks leading up hes been scared until he found out his friend is in the same class now hes excited :heart:

Stay with him for like 5 mins til he settles, distract him with things within the kindy. It takes some getting used to

I’m not against bribery at times :smirk: so, maybe try telling him he can go for ice cream after school if he is brave and is a good boy.

My son had the same problem and told me that it was too long to be away from me. I bought the book “The Kissing Hand” and it became a routine for us for many years.

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