Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My maid of honor bailed on me, what should I do?
Let it;be if she doesn’t wanna. Be a;maid of honor;invite her&boyfriend if you want her part of your special day. Give it;some patient time there’s gotta be a good reason she’s acting like this’ll pass. I remember;i was tired the evening before. My sister’s;wedding i was all grouchy about my bridesmaids dress. The dress;designer had moved to a different town&the wedding dresses skirt needed x2 layers lace that was late. We did;floral arrangements ourselves. There was;about 120 guests. No guesthouse;at the venue premises so i said. Someday when;i get married it’s got be on my list. A guesthouse;on wedding venue premises;with a prepared meal for bridal party while getting ready. To register;or not? Yes i;definitely think so or either cash. A photographer;that includes props to help take beautiful photos. You get;a photo coffee table album at Kodak store’s a hard cover book very modern&beautiful.
Its your wedding. You invite who you want. My cousin who was my best friend in childhood refused to be my maid of homor because of religious beliefs. I was butt hurt, but I respected her answer. If you have a great relationship, dont ruin it because of her refusal. You still have enough time to replace ger.
Don’t invite and ask for the bridesmade box back with the goodies
From having lost a lot of family, young and old, over the last few years, take this for what it is worth. As important as your wedding day is, imagine a future where your cousin is the only family you have to reminisce with. Is it worth it in the end to hold a grudge?
And also consider she really maybe be in a financial situation. I mean right now I can’t afford to buy $5 worth of groceries so yes $10 for the one dress is a great price I still couldn’t get it right now. As embarrassing as it is to say I absolutely can not afford a $10 dress. Yes its sad but its the truth.
I call bullshit. Sounded like she never wanted to be apart of the wedding to begin with.
If she was a true friend and family member she would have made a way to be in it.
And not to talk bad of the other comments but seriously if you can’t afford a 10$ dress then you need a new job.
I get covid put alot of people out of work but that’s no excuse, jobs were and still are readily available.
I’ve worked two jobs during the pandemic and still do.
Girl move on, you will find another brides maid, if not then rent one!
Maybe she just can’t afford the dress hun talk to her n see if that’s the reason
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My maid of honor bailed on me, what should I do?
I mean if it meant alot to you to have her there, you could pay for the dress for her. I paid for my maid of honors dress. Her being there with me very wasmore important than $$.
Not everyone wants to be part of the whole wedding thing. You asked her, and she was honest. Find a new person who would love to take over the part, and share the day…
Forgive, forget, and love your cousin.
I feel if you want a certain outfit to be warn by them all they shouldn’t have to pay for it , everyone at my wedding is wearing what they want to avoid all this , no excuse she isn’t showing interest atall bur some people don’t get over excited
She should have been honest from the start that she didn’t want to be a part of the wedding instead of agreeing to be then having excuse after excuse for a year about why she couldn’t come up with less than $100 for her dress.
Promote one of your brides maids to MOH and just keep moving forward with your wedding plans. Chances are that the person you wanted as MOH won’t have the money to travel to attend the wedding either so if it was me I would just not invite her and when she asks why tell her you figured since money was tight for her that she wouldn’t be able to afford to attend.
Replace her. One never knows one situation and if your out of states. You aren’t/might not be privy to her situation. Everyone doesn’t like to share their struggles. Especially family members
You shouldn’t be mad at her for taking your suggestion to not be a part of it. It is extremely stressful to not be able to afford being a part of it. I feel if you really wanted her there you would have bought the dress yourself and not expected her to pay you back. (It may not be worth it after alterations etc) I would still invite her to the wedding because you are related and you will always see her around for the rest of your life! I think if you don’t invite her you are robbing yourself of potential of Not having bad feelings later in life. You shouldn’t hold against her she can’t afford it. She was upfront about it. And she gave you Plenty of notice
Ditch the cow. You dont need negative people in your life.
Call me ignorant and ive never been married or been a bridesmaid but u honestly thought the bride+groom bought the dress/suits etc. Never realised that the bridesmaid etc paid for there own dresses/suits etc. Xxx
You need to still invite her to the wedding but stop expecting her to meet your expectations. LET IT GO! Yes it may change your future relationship but it shouldn’t change because of differences of opinions. Life continues Life changes Nothing stays the same. Let her do her own thing and hold no grudges or hard feelings Let it go! Do not let her actions change YOU… BE HAPPY … !!
On the other hand, she might be going thru something. if I were you, I would reach out and be understanding. If she can’t make it to your wedding, she can’t.
Just my two cents.
Nope… I would be mad as well… She had months to say something and choose to take the easy way out… I wouldn’t want that energy at my wedding… Not every smile means happiness some ppl just miserable…
In England u don’t expect your bridesmaids to buy their own outfits. Even down to buying them shoes and accessories. 
. You have asked them to be in your wedding party so you pay
Send an invite and move on
I thought the bride was to pay for the dress. If she is really having struggles, I don’t blame her I thought. I think you have nerve asking her to pay for it. I have never heard of that before and all the weddings I’ve been to. By the time she bought her dress, had all her bought shoes and accessories she could be spending two or three hundred dollars. Don’t blame her blame yourself
Why is she paying for her own dress if she is your maid of honour? It’s your wedding, surely if you want her to be part of it and wear a certain dress you pay for it?
Being in the bridal party is extremely expensive. You have to buy the dress, the accessories the bride wants you to wear, a bridal shower gift, wedding gift, pay for part of the bachelorette party(sometimes bridesmaids are responsible for paying for the bridal shower) and lodging and travel if the wedding is out of town. Especially during covid, so many women are struggling financially that I think its really unfair for a bride to expect those things and take it personally when a bridesmaid says she can’t handle it. It sounds like this woman’s cousin tried multiple times to explain her situation and I can imagine how embarrassing it is to be vulnerable enough to admit you don’t have it and are struggling with just affording the day-to-day. Dogs are really expensive! It’s disappointing but judging her as jealous or a bad friend is really not fair. If it’s more important to have the people you want to be there in your party, buy the dresses for them. I have a feeling if the bride paid for the dress and other expenditures her cousin would come and be proud and grateful to stand next to her that day.
Promote one of the current bridesmaid. She should me happy she hopped out. She could have been there and spoil your day. I would not be upset with her. It will destroys you more than her.
It’s family and she was honest about not being able to afford it, and took the out as she should have, and probably felt terrible about it and didn’t want to back out on her own. I say replace her in the wedding but keep her invited. You’ll get past this.
Not everyone wants to be as big of a part of your wedding as you want them to be. I’m sure she still wants to come & is happy for you. She is just too busy to play that big of a part. Ask one of your other bridesmaids if they could step up.
You need positive vibes… this will be your big day… you dont need “poor me” people at your wedding… weddings should be happy and memorable. No need for negative nancy to be invited.
She can’t afford it. I didn’t get if serious travel is involved. But as I’m invited to a cousins wedding in Jamaica, I’m looking at airline tickets, hotel room as well as a gift. I’m leaning no. In spite of how few family members are going. (If You wanted us there you’d have the wedding here and honeymoon an extra 2 weeks in Jamaica.)
Not everyone can afford to buy a ‘trial dress’ -what even is that anyway? Or to shell out so much for a dress they will likely wear once, not to mention, accessories, shoes, travel, hotel etc that may be required plus a hen party. Personally, I think you’re being a bit harsh. Covid has been crap for many people, she is unhappy in her job which can be massively draining and sounds like she is struggling financially. Have you thought that this might be stressful for her and she might be reluctant to be cheerful about wedding chat because of the cost to her that she simply can’t justify, but didn’t want to let you down? From what you have written, it’s like ‘pay for the dress or don’t be involved’ if she can’t pay, what choice does she have? Then you judge her on it and look at not inviting her at all? Up to you what you choose to do going forward, but please consider it from her side first and discuss it with her properly.
Is it normal in other countries to charge the bridal party for dresses? In the UK it depends on arrangement, but traditionally, the couple getting married absorb the costs?
if im honest sometimes you cant go back i spent a bit of money on my maid of honour dress and my friend not friends now but she ended up saying she didnt like it. but when she was horrible to me the other week i just cut her off i just think shes vile. But its if you can forgive and sort eachother out good luck lovely
Maybe she is struggling financially and doesn’t want to tell you. Offer to pay for it for her if you really want her there. I paid for all my girls ones. Some people can’t afford to buy a dress that is just for a wedding. Talk to her about it. I wouldn’t cut her out from being there. She may feel crap enough already
Send a wedding invite n let it go.
She had been telling you that financially she was not able to get the dress in time…Why did you not offer to pay for her dress? She probably did want to be bridesmaid but at what expense to her was stressing her out…
She’s told you she’s financially struggling and can’t afford it and instead of paying for it yourself and having your best friend in your wedding you decide you don’t want her in your wedding at all and perhaps she’s jealous? I’d personally not bother if I was her too. What kind of friendship is that on your behalf?
Done you like that? Seriously? You done her like that, to use your terminology.
She was telling you for some time that she was struggling financially. You should have paid for her dress. She didnt suddenly step out, you suggested that, she took it (as many of us would in those circumstances!) You should have been saying “please allow me to pay for the dress as I want so very much for you to be there in the day as my maid of honor, you are important to me” instead, you showed her how unimportant she is!
I think you need a dose of shoe on the other foot. Step out of your bubble and take a look at it from her perspective.
As far as what you do now for your wedding…you made the mess, you figure it out.
I wouldn’t invite her but that’s just me. If she can’t apologize to you for how she acted and be an adult there is no reason to forgive her or feel bad for her. If she was an adult she would of sat down and talked with you via phone, FaceTime, Skype or anything else and made it right for you guys to still be close. I just went through something similar with my aunt this weekend. Not about wedding things but other stuff and I haven’t spoken to her since. I love her and hate that it’s this way but I’m big on communication and being adults. Not acting like children.
For everyone saying that she said she was struggling financially all she had to do was pay like 30 a month. Or again, be an adult and sit with her and be like “I really want to be apart of your big day but I truly can’t afford it” then I’m sure OP would have happily helped out. Also, I understand she’s building a house and have money in savings for that. The dress is literally $90. Don’t eat out a time or two and there’s your money back right there. If she truly wanted to be apart of it she would of talked about it. I’m this case she didn’t.
$89 might as well be $1,000 for some people. And after pay is credit, and can affect your credit score … IF you’re approved.
Some of the comments on here are ridiculous, in particular the one referring to her as a cow that you should ditch.
FFS.
Of course invite her , she’s still your family / friend … I was a maid of Honor and the brides parents bought EVERYTHING for me… hair included …
And congrats!!
I had exactly the same situation! I had asked 6 girls to be my bridesmaid, Including my then-step-sister, and by my actual wedding I only had 4 of them, and one wasn’t her! And you know what, I’m glad! The other 2 didn’t come to the wedding, 1 was invited but didn’t show up and it just said it all. I was heartbroken at the time as she would message saying she can’t come or can’t meet me or anything but least it showed who my real girls were 
She told you numerous times she could not afford it and you still expected her to pay, that’s rude on your behalf. She could be really struggling and you expect her to spend $89 on a dress she may never wear again plus and extra $10 just “so you can see how it looks on” that’s alot of money when you’re already struggling. You claim to be really close to her and want her to be part of your day but your actions say otherwise. If I was her I’d write you off for being so selfish.
Then buy the dress yourself I did for my wedding what if she can’t actually buy it and your kinda being a bridzilla
Roll on. Mine ditched my wedding the day before. Turned out better that way.
Your cousin has been complaining about money and life in general for some time. She does not have the space to be in the wedding or pay for it. Just be glad she dropped out. If you really wanted her apart of your day , you could’ve paid for her dress and trail dress but you didn’t. Just because she can’t be in the wedding doesn’t mean she wouldn’t want to come to the wedding. It could’ve been an internal battle on her end just to tell you she can’t be in the wedding. She clearly can’t be cheerful towards you right now so let it be and carry on with your planning.
Just give her an out for the wedding as well. If she can’t spend $90 on a dress, but she can have a house built, then she won’t buy you shit either. I wouldn’t pay for her plate.
When I was getting married to my husband I was not letting anything ruin my day. There were a few hiccups like my ring bearer didnt have his dress shoes, (remind you we offered to buy him some but his grandpa forgot them). Makeup person that I had planned on coming let me know she couldn’t make it 2 hours before wedding. But all that I shrugged off, this is my day and I will not get angry or mad. Everyone has struggles we don’t know about. I was not letting anything disturb my wedding day and sure was not going to be a bridezilla. I was marrying the love of my life and that’s all that matters. Do what your heart tells you to do.
When I got married I paid for all bridesmaid maid of honour and flower girl dresses and accessories and flowers and hair and make up. I also bought he suits for the guys and there accessories to ties hankies etc and there button holes aswell. I always thought that was bride and grooms job tbh.
Thank her very much and tell her you understand. Then ask someone else. Then invite her to the wedding. She will not be able to get you much of a gift. Now you have to work out if you want her there for a gift or because you want her there.
Why not pay for her dress? it’s your wedding
Just get on with it. You will be much happier in the long run.
Don’t let this ruin your special day find someone else tell them up front of some expense Be gracious Invite her to the Wedding.
Let her be,she’s not happy about your wedding, you need to stress yourself.
If money isn’t an issue for you, and you really want her to be in your wedding, pay the $89. Sometimes money issues are embarrassing, I mean she’s obviously told you she doesn’t have it. Don’t let less than a hundred bucks come between you. It’s that simple.
I paid for all my bridesmaids dresses 10 infact one was a one year old.
I did wedding dress. But also bought one.
Plus two men’s suits
Plus did cake myself and Decorated.
Made wedding flowers.buttonholes.
Also two taxis.
And both paid for venue and food, and DJ.
Plus getting married.
It should of been more than 10 bridesmaids but 4 pulled out and they got the dresses.
Photos was a present.
If she doesn’t wanna do it let her be
It your day and your partner day stop stressing
I stressed that much I ended up with hives and upset stomache
So stop offer if possible to pay for it if still refusing then let it go
Keep text messages so any back lash you have proof she said no
Of course you should still invite her to your wedding… She couldn’t afford the dress , she might not even be able to afford to attend your wedding if travel is involved. Congratulations on your wedding I wish you a very happy marriage.
I’ll be honest, weddings are expensive and it’s literally just a state recognition of your relationship with someone and you’re basically signing a contract to be with them. You can achieve all of that and more through common law marriage and just living together and sharing responsibilities as couples do. Buying something to be apart of something expensive is a bit unfair in my opinion, she obviously has her reservations about buying a dress she’ll only wear once and is budgeting her finances to fit her life and what she needs for the long term. As for the emotional aspect, you feeling as if she isn’t happy for you, or whatever you’re assuming about her, you should probably just open up and communicate with her, lay it all out and just ask her if she’d like to be there without buying into it. If she skirts around answering you or refusing to be truthful about her approach, then it’s entirely up to you whether you let her be there or not, and I would suggest keeping your relationship with her distant but not forgotten. It could all blow over after everything and y’all might decide you’d like something closer again.
For me it’s all just an excuses… My first cousin (more like sister) got married in May,it was spontaneous wedding so they only tell everyone two weeks in advance. I live in UK and the wedding was in Bulgaria so I managed for two weeks to find babysitter (single mum of two) ,do all the tests, borrow some money (single mum of two 
) , organized everything so I could come for 3 days just for the wedding. It was the biggest surprise because she didn’t know I’m going (her husband did) and she was over the moon… Now I’m about to attend second wedding in Bulgaria,so I went through the same+ rent a car because I’m staying 2 weeks and I need it. I will be bridesmaid (even if I wasn’t I would try to help as much as I can) we already had 3 days hen party on the sea side and we have 2 days till the wedding. Honestly I have 100 tasks given for the wedding day ,but it’s all worth it. I finally get to see my best friend have her special day,to have her little family after 14 years with her fiance,after few misscarages (she finally got her baby 5 months old now) and honestly it’s not easy to leave my kids for so many days,but I can’t be happier for her. I never wanted to be bridesmaid,I just wanted to help and see her be happy… Find yourself such a friend’s 
Sounds like she’s really struggling and you’re so centred on the wedding you can’t see anything but that. Maybe your cousin’s “poor me” routine is actually a call for help? Maybe she’s depressed with her situation, finances are tight and she needs to pay for things for someone else’s big day. Someone she wants to be there to celebrate with but it’s becoming a big stress. Look at it from different angles.
I had the same situation One of my bridesmaids couldn’t afford the dress I just bought it for her no mess no fuss plus they’ll never wear it again anyway I even bought the flowers girl dress FYI she was my daughter LoL 
89$ for a dress is nothing compared to what your wedding dress is if you want her there pay for the dress if not still invite her stupid to end a relationship over a dress
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My maid of honor bailed on me, what should I do?
Just let it go and invite her any way. Whether she comes or not is on her. And nobody should have any reason to have hard feelings towards another.
You should be talking to her and not in a text
Just invite her anyway. And understand that some people don’t like to BE IN the wedding, but would still love to attend and support your big day. Maybe complaining about money was the only way she could think of to lessen the blow to your ego, than coming straight out and saying she doesn’t want to be in it. Look at it like this, y’all are family no matter what. Why fret over something that’s really trivial. 
Let it goooooo:notes:
Quit texting and start TALKING… many good relationships ruined over texting.
Why is she paying for a dress to be in your wedding? Where I’m from we pay for everything, she let u know she was struggling financially
Some people just aren’t into being in weddings…and at least she isn’t waiting until the last minute to drop out of it. Move on and enjoy your wedding. And yes you should still invite her and if she doesn’t show up that’s on her.
If money is no issue why didn’t you offer to pay for her dress and what not? $89 for a dress might not sound like much to you but for a lot of families it is. And she’ll probably have to buy shoes and accessories and pay to get her hair and nails done as well. Would could potentially be hundreds of dollars. You sound super selfish. It sounds like your cousin was hoping you’d offer to pay for the dress she’d only wear 1 time to YOUR wedding.
I offered to buy one of my bridesmaids dress because she was going thru a divorce and had to figure out living situation. Luckily the dress was on sale for $35 at David’s bridal so it was a win for both of us. I would definitely still send her an invite but don’t let her be your maid of honor when she changes her mind.
I think you should still invite her. Being a bridesmaid can get rlly expensive. And a maid of honor typically is responsible for planning and ends up paying a deal more than the rest of bridesmaids in the long run
I understand your disappointment. I also understand that some people are going through financial hardships, but how is she saving money to build a house if she can’t afford $89? I would still invite her. Hopefully, some day she will come clean with what was really going on. Who knows, maybe her boyfriend is pressuring her not to spend the money because they are supposed to be saving for a house? (Which, if so, kind of sounds like abuse. (Financial abuse.)
Look…life can be ROUGH sometimes.
And sometimes the stress of every day life is just so much, you can’t handle anything on top of it.
And no one wants to be the person to back out or let someone down. Or admit just how much they’re struggling for that matter.
It’s extremely likely when she agreed she didn’t realize it was going to be too much for her.
I’d cut her some slack and invite her just the same.
You are asking a group if you can get past something… it sounds like you should be asking yourself these questions. How do we know if You can get past it and if it changes your relationship? Also, maybe you could have offered to pay for the dress. Then none of this would have probably happened. Weddings are expensive for the wedding party too. Consider that.
offer to pay for her dress if you want her in it that badly but it’s not worth causing drama over imo
She’s had over a year to save up $89 for her dress… 
some people just don’t have their priorities straight. Her loss on your big day. I’d say don’t stress over it and don’t allow her to try to sabotage your day when it comes.
My cousin was the same way but she didn’t come to my side on the wedding day she was even late but she has two kids and my aunt drives her but still she was the maid of honor like get it together but later down the line I found out she was jealous of me. We have a great bond but that always stood in the back of my mind like eww why she hating. Right now I cut her outta my life because she agree on some family drama going on so I left it as is. Next wedding because my marriage didn’t work out I already have someone better in mind. Sometimes it is money that gets in the way maybe u coulda bought her the dress? Still invite her if she doesn’t come it’s on her
I had to tell my BFF I couldn’t afford to be her bridesmaid. I can’t afford to get a dress, do the traveling it required etc. I have a baby due in January, we are about to sell our house and looking to buy a new house, & I also help teach my SK’s for their cyber school. I take care of them every monday-Friday on ther BM’s weeks, and full time on ours since I am now a SAHM since covid. So on top of not having money, I just don’t have time rn. I know she was bummed and tried to convince me that the dress and stuff would be cheap etc but I have to buy stuff for our new child, new stuff for our home. I can’t add another thing to my plate. My life is already stressful enough.
She is still inviting me to the wedding though. I would be really hurt if she didn’t invite me just because I don’t have the money or time to be a bridesmaid.
I’m sorry my family friends same way…why dont yall go away alone do it just 2 of yall save the money for nice honey moon…
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I would still invite her and just forget about all the drama. Don’t start your new married life with wedding drama hanging over your head. Just drop it and move on and enjoy your day!
First of all not everyone gets approved for afterpay. And if she’s consistently mentioning money is a problem why are you surprised ?? You can’t always save when you live paycheck to paycheck .
Being a maid of honor can get really expensive. Dress, bachelorette party, etc. maybe she said yes and then thought it over and figured she couldn’t afford it. You said you moved out of state. Maybe she can’t afford travel expenses. I would still invite her. Call her. Talk to her.
Some people have a hard time just being honest and upfront. Her actions told you so. It’s good that you asked and I’m sure she felt relieved to be openly honest at that moment. I think you should still invite her to your wedding. She’s should’ve been honest from the beginning, but she wasn’t, but maybe she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Even though she still hurt them.
I will never understand why someone plans a wedding and expects other people to pay for it 
if you wanted her in your wedding so bad after she made it very clear that she can’t pay almost 100$ for a dress she is gonna wear for a few hours, then you should have paid for it. After all. It’s your wedding. You planned it. You picked the dress. And now you don’t want her to come at all? FFS …petty people taking things waaaaaay to personally. I will never understand it.
Sounds to me like she loves you and was afraid to hurt you by saying no outright. I think she was also scared of losing you. Yes you will recover. Yes you will forgive her because you Do understand the financial aspect but do you understand the emotional one? You will under all after your married. Don hold a grudge. Be forgiving and let her know you love her. I don’t see her coming honestly even if you did forgive her. She can’t buy you a gift and she can’t buy a dress to attend much less new clothes for her family to come along. Just find a new one and go on. God bless.
If money isn’t an issue for you, why did you not offer to pay for either or both the dress and trial dress? It was only $89 & $10
Your feelings are very valid. I’m sorry you lost out on your maid of honor. Depending on y’all’s relationship, that’s up to you to invite her or not. It’s YOUR wedding. Don’t let anything like this ruin it
Its your wedding dont invite her or still invite her and be the better person 
She literally told you she was struggling with finances. You CHOSE to ignore it! It appears she was low key letting you know without saying it straight out. She told you multiple times that she can’t meet the deadline. I would be grateful if someone communicated to me that they couldn’t commit.
I have so many flakey people in my life that you should be grateful she didn’t leave you hanging at the last minute.
You also have to consider that
Maybe she didn’t know how to say it more openly? You obviously took the hint. There is no need to make drama out of it. Just vent and move on. If she is jealous, then let it be. We all get jealous about something or someone a few times in life. Why break a strong relationship over something so silly?
Invite her and enjoy your day with everyone you love💟
She can’t afford it 
why be mad at her? She told you, you ignored it.
Invite her. Ten years from now you can have hatred still running around or you can be a decent person and let it go. She is still your cousin and is it worth the family drama to be petty?
I never understood why people think it is not the bride and grooms place to purchase the wedding attire they pick for their wedding. 
You literally knew she was financially having a hard time. Sounds to me like you have let her down. Your wedding is 1 day. Your relationship with her is forever. It absolutely should be your perfect wedding but to put that kind of pressure on someone that you are supposed to be so close with is extremely selfish in my eyes.
Forgive her . She can’t afford it clearly . I know this is a great disappointment for you . But , let it go . Invite her . Be the bigger person . Find a different maid of honor . Sounds like she has some problems and I’d find someone else who is supportive and can do it financially, as well .
I’d replace her but still invite her to the wedding. I’ve had to do this with my own wedding. (Not the maid of honor but one of my bridesmaids, I just replaced her and moved on). And mine backed out 4 MAYBE 5 months before the wedding. So I understand it’s stressful.
If your wedding isnt until next year, depending on when next year your girls don’t need to get their dresses right now. Settle down. This is the biggest day of your life so far, but I promise once you are married it is all water under the bridge
If you wanted her in the wedding that badly you should have paid for the dress. Being in a wedding is very expensive
She probably didn’t know how to tell you. Find someone else and let it go.