My man's ex is threatening me with exposing an old video

Long story short me and my significant other have been together two years. He has a four year old from a past relationship. We have no children together yet. The mother of his 4 year old absolutely hates me. Has told the child she isn’t allowed around me etc. makes the kid feel guilty and I hate it. We get her every other week and it’s becoming more and more of a pain as time goes. The father is respectful to me and corrects behavior , it’s all okay with us 3. The child loves being with us! I never once tried to be mom, she knows be by my name and knows when she’s at daddy’s I am the “mom” there, we are a good family she loves me and I treat her like mine. Which is why I’m so offended by the Ex’s behavior.

But my boyfriend does not want to start a custody war as they have no paperwork down for their child. They just go back and fourth per week.
The question!
She is now saying she has an inappropriate video of me from back in high school, 5+ years ago! Threatening to take his kid away with that video and he is believing she can.
Can she ? Me and him are not married, nothing in our names, no “in a relationship” posts or anything. How can she use that video to take his kid? Can she? Or is she just being a B word knowing her baby daddy is no longer with her but with me ? Driving me insane just don’t want a custody battle, we are in a Mom state and I know it would break his heart and the 4 year olds.
Please any advice? Experience with mean babymommas?!


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My man's ex is threatening me with exposing an old video

If you were in high school, were you under 18? If the video was in anyway sexual, and you were under age, she can go to jail for child porn, even a picture could get her ass locked up.

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No she can’t do anything
But you can, she has an explicit video of you without your consent, charge her

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That’s called revenge porn sis and it’s very illegal.


Get her for harassment :woman_shrugging:t3: the courts won’t even entertain her baby mama drama


It’s actually illegal for her to threaten you with that and if you were underage in the video, bigger crime!
She can really get in trouble.

Not you. That doesn’t make sense that you can get in trouble for it.

It’s exploitation and soliciting.

She’s just mad you’re there. She will have to get over it


You got all these mom’s with only fans and it’s not being used against them… so there’s that 🤷


That’s definitely not going to go the way she thinks it will. If she tells anyone she has a video of a teenage girl (a child) in a compromised state, it’s both child porn and revenge porn. Your boyfriend should let her know before she goes and effs up and lands herself in court for a different reason. Myself, I’m a petty Betty and would go to the cops myself without giving him the chance to warn her. I dislike being threatened. This threat is sick and I would throw the book at her.

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Let her release it the charge her with distributing pornography.

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Judges HEAVILY frown upon blackmail and threats in custody cases. Take screenshots of the threat of exposure, or atleast document it. This is golden because she literally is incriminating herself and doesn’t even realize it.

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If you were in high school, no matter how old you are now, that would be distribution of child pornography. She could would go to jail, have to apply as a sex offender and possibly have her childs custody taken from her. If she really wants to play.

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I agree with the other comments made here. One thing that your SO needs to think about, though: He does need to go to court for shared custody/visitation. If that isn’t established in the court, she can just stop allowing him to spend time with his child and he won’t be able to do anything about it. I understand that you don’t want him or the baby to endure a custody battle, but it would be worse if she simply decided to keep the baby from him. There needs to be paternity/visitation established within the court for him to continue to have his rights as a father.

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Go straight to the police and show them the text you have been receiving. She can actually get charged with blackmailing.


How does she even have said video? Also, since revenge porn and blackmail is illegal…I say call her bluff. Or at the very least have a lawyer write up a cease and desist letter (if that’s possible). Let her know from the jump, you’re not entertaining her manipulations, and not tolerating her BS.


I have no advice but just cannot believe some women. Shes got a good women to look after her child’s well being while she is not around and she’s trying to ruin that?!
She needs to take a second and be thankful there’s another mom like figure in her child’s life, as uncomfortable as that may be!


You need it in email or text form the threat to exploit the video ,then you go to the police ,she will be in serious trouble and he should be supporting this with you 100%


As long as you were under 18 any video she shares of you or has possession of is illegal. If she shares it with even one person she is distributing child porn. So set her straight until her to grow up. Tell her she should be happy to have someone that loves her baby and makes life good for her when she’s not there. Tell her if she succeeds in breaking you up that the next person might not like or even love the little girl and could likely turn the tables and make her life hell.

Being in a situation similar yes she can take the kid if he and her never married .
At least here in Florida .
Myspouse is an amazing father to our child and his other two with his ex , but because of his ex’s new boo she’s treating him like shit & completely took the kids from him , we’ve called cps trying to get help and they told him since they never married he has no rights and we have to go to court .
So please be careful dealing with his ex because the last thing you guys need is her being a b word and doing the same !!

Hey! Kind of similar situation, I had 2 children and my partner had 1 from previous relationships. We had a baby in February this year, a week before I gave birth his baby mum stopped my step daughter coming here. We ended up taking her to court as she blocked us on everything and he has to go see her in a contact centre after her accusing me of being violent and “threats to kill” (I have never ever spoke to this woman face to face in my life), so my step daughter is not allowed around me or in my house until I’ve had a police check. I work in a school with special needs children with a full dbs but apparently this has to be done to make her happy. :face_with_raised_eyebrow: sometimes nothing you do can please them and maybe it is best to get a court order in place especially if you’re considering starting your own family. But no, they will not care about the “video”, or anything from over 6 months ago. My ex use to wind me up then video my reactions but the police told me as it was over 6 months ago it’s irrelevant. X

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That’s called revenge corn and it’s a FeLoNy


No the courts won’t even listen to that garbage


First of all you don’t get the daughter, HE gets his daughter, second you aren’t the “mom” there. Stuff like that is probably why she doesn’t like you :grimacing: My sons father and I have week on week off, and I’m married to someone else. Yet even still, as much as he loves my son, “we” don’t get him every other week, I do.

As for the video, if it’s from high school you’re a minor and that’s illegal and revenge p0rn is a real thing so no that won’t matter.


No she can’t take his kid away. She’s just trying to bully y’all.


lol no tjeres nothing she can do. but u can have jer arrested for ‘exposing’ it if she really does have it. but if uve never met her shes probably talking shit :woman_shrugging:t2:


O man i have no experience in this area but i honestly dnt think that a video that old can effect anything.

You need a lawyer, duh……

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Consult an Attorney.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My man's ex is threatening me with exposing an old video

If it’s something sexual she can literally go to jail since you was minor. If it’s something drugs or criminal, as long as you can pass a drug test now then it’s nothing, you was in highschool, number one y’all are not married she can’t take his child from him unless proven neglect or abuse.


Ive been through custody court the judge WONT CARE ABOUT THAT. I had kids with a narcissist and he tried REALLY HARD to get custody. The judge saw thru his crap. The judge wants normal environment for kids. Also custody court will prob test his/her hair for drugs.


Unless it’s a video of you assaulting someone in any way, it won’t be used against you or nothing because it’s ‘past’ behaviour from high school and all in all write everything she is doing down and including the said possible video of you know what she is talking about. She is not allowed to alienate the other parent so write all your stuff down


The courts are interested in the CHILDS WELFARE not petty crap like that


I would get a consult with a lawyer, I’m pretty sure blackmail like that is illegal


Sounds like drama! I seriously doubt the officials would do anything with the video being so old. I would roll my eyes and tell her to have at it.

That is your past and teenagers do silly thing I highly doubt any judge would use it against your bf in a custody battle

Run from there, she’s still hung up on him, you don’t need it hun, life to short, find someone who just wants you, you have that forever if you stay, as for the video own it, and tell her to f**k right off, best of luck to you :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Oh wow… she’s BITTER bitter. No one will take her seriously with that video and it will only make her look bad. Isn’t she embarrassed she even has a video like that? Of a high schooler, despite being grown now you was still of high school age at that point. Ignore her and file a report to the police, surely that’s blackmail and harassment.


If they were not married then yes, she can take the girl. He actually has no legal rights to her. If they were married and nothin on paper then he needs to try it on paper! If the video is fro. High school then you were a minor and she can fry in trouble for that. If hot did something else that was old news and 5 yea ago. Don’t worry about it. Sounds to me as if she needs to grow up!

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Pffft. Judge won’t care about it. Also that’s child p*rnography. If it were me I’d press charges


High school? Were you even 18 yet? If not, and it’s sexual she’s literally distributing child pornography

It’s blackmail, report her to the police. If it’s a sexual video that could count as circulating pornographic material which is against the law… I think :thinking:


It could be considered as slander or defamation of character… So not sure.

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Literally even if you guys were married, that video of you has nothing to do with him or you being a good parent.

She cannot do a single thing with that video in regards to custody. She’s just being a psycho.

However, it’s illegal for her to show ANYONE that video without your consent. Look up the laws in your state, it’s called revenge porn.

PLUS, if you were in high school and a minor, she’s in possession of and threatening to distribute a video of sexual activity of a MINOR. SO ILLEGAL.

In many states it’s also illegal just to threaten you with it like she’s doing.

People have sex, so what, who cares, how do people think your guys daughter was made. No judge is going to say “Ohmygod the woman he is now with had sex years ago and it was filmed, take that child away immediately.” No judge can even do that.

She can get into SO MUCH trouble for threatening you with that. Document and save everything where she’s threatening you with it.

Tell your boyfriend he’s fine, this looks 100x worse for her. The fact she’s threatening to release a video of you as a minor, is disgusting and any judge would see that.

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Do you have this is message form her saying that? Black mail is technically illegal. :woman_shrugging: Plus if it was any video of you sexually at that age she can get in more trouble.


The answer is no…. That’s blackmail not to mention against the law it’s a different form of revenge porn basically. She can’t post anything like that without your permission and no judge would use it to take his kid away that’s utter nonsense and he’s a dummy for believing her🤷🏻‍♀️

If you were under 18 in the video and it was of sexual nature, she is in possession of child pornography.

Revenge porn is a crime

Usually videos are inadmissible anyways. Something that was from a time when you were a minor especially……
She’s just talking shit.

Sounds like a custody arrangement needs to happen though. He needs to file first and he needs to reiterate the agreement has been 50/50 week to week……
If he has texts or something from her acknowledging that agreement, that would be great. The judge will typically stick with that since it’s already in place and is working.

The judge isn’t going to care :rofl::rofl::rofl: she’s an idiot


There’s a statute of limitations, and in most states it’s 2 years. There’s no way, even if there was something criminal in the video, the judge will use it against you or him. There has to be proof of imminent danger to the child for her to be “taken” away. She would have to file an emergency restriction of parenting time, and then it would go to trial. Typically, if no proof of imminent danger is found, the judge grants 50/50 custody. I hope this helps.

She can get in trouble for child porn then that’s your in for custody because they won’t know wether she doing anything to the child or not. I know it’s a bad thing to take a child from her mother and idk how she is as a mother but she needs to learn a lesson. Wether it’s pressing charges or getting primary custody and allowing her weekends

How old where you when the video was taken? Because if you where under legal age, she is now in possession of child porn. Not to mention blackmail, i dont know where you are from but in our state in victoria, “Revenge porn” is a criminal offence.

If you were in highschool you were prob underage which means she may not be able to just show anyone a inappropriate video of a minor , check what the video is and how old you were .


Um if you were a minor in said video and it’s sexual, she’s literally in possession of child pornography and will lose the child herself. If it’s drugs, also no, you just need to make sure you can pass a test. Although, 99% likely it would never even be admissible in court. I wouldn’t put another thought to it. But your boyfriend definitely does need to get a parenting plan in place so that she can’t use their child to blackmail him.

That’s illegal and it’s called revenge porn

High school?
Thats child porn at that point… shes bluffing or really stupid because she will land in jail herself…
Possessing child pornography and also if she sends it

So you know, if there isnt a custody agreement isn’t in place, whoever has physical custody has custody. She could take your daughter and move and, effectively kidnapping her, and it would be total legal. Wether he wants a custody battle or not, he needs to get this agreement in writing.

My son’s dad took off with my son, moved 3 times, I had to hire a PI to track him down. It tooks years.

Also, no, the judge won’t take that into consideration. You guys need to go to court.


She can go to jail let her try .
I’d report to the police she threatening to do such …
Sounds like baby mama is a little salty :joy: & wants you outta the picture…


Depending on your age in the video and what you are doing, you can throw back at her that you will charge her with child pornography.

If you were underage in the video thats illegallll for her to even have it!


Tell the courts she is blackmailing and threatening alienation of the child. It will not go well for her.


Is the video sexual? If so that would be revenge porn and legally she would be in trouble. Married or not, was your boyfriend on the birth certificate? If he is the dad he needs to file a parenting plan. He needs to protect his rights to his child and that little girl deserves her dad. Especially one who is involved and present.

Honey, that’s called blackmail and it’s illegal.


He need to initiate custody request with courts. If he asks before she does, the courts will be more likely to side with him


Create an incident log book. Document document document. Write EVERYTHING good, bad, and ugly in it… everything…. Don’t try to make any one person look bad, just write the truth.
Courts accept a chronological record as proof, just an FYI.
And her holding some fkn video over your head is called blackmail and attempted forced coercion. The fact there is no order in place & the man still gets his child is going to speak for itself. The judge will see her for exactly what she is. Idgaf you live in a mom state or not, them people in them black robes HATE IT when children are used as manipulation tools. And they usually flash out at the person doing it.
Plus the judge isn’t going to give a damn about some five year old ass video.

Dealing with just about the same thing. My fiances baby mama has a video from 4 years ago that she continues to circulate on fb and try to ruin my reputation and character. Unfortunately she’s succeeded and many people believe her that I’m this horrible stepmother and neglects children because of all the false cps reports she’s made over the years. Document EVERYTHING, screenshots and record every in person conversation. I was lucky enough after putting up cameras at my house to catch her on video one day of her throwing a screwdriver at my door with my 2 year old on the other side. Cps did NOTHING. Court in 2 weeks so wish me luck.:upside_down_face:


Well. Um. Yeah. If that video shows you engaging in sexual activities with a minor, than yeah. . . She kinda can get the kid removed from your presence.

If its not anything that relates to sexual or abusive/violent content involving a minor, than yeah, nah, i dont think she has grounds.

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If it’s a sex video and she does send it out or show anyone you can actually take her to court for it. I believe it’s called revenge porn or something like that and I believe she could possibly get jail time for it, especially if you’re a minor in the video. But I’ve never had to deal with it so I’m not sure how it works

No she cannot. Tbe courts aren’t going to take custody of a child over an old video. And let her post it. Yall will have him full time bc shell be in prison for revenge porn and possibly even child porn. Document everything. And I mean everything!

I mean you said you weren’t trying to be mom but then said “she knows I am the “mom” there… when in reality your not. Your his girlfriend. You might think y’all have a family but until your married your his girlfriend and that’s amazing you help him take care of and love his kid but your not mom.

As for the video, she can get in trouble for black mailing you, the judge won’t take anything that has to do with you into consideration unless she can prove harm/or neglect. Mom state or not the dad would get visitation regardless. He should start the process so he can be ahead of her and ask for what he wants and what’s fair. If they already have something set up then talking to a lawyer to get that in writing and official is easy. The judge will see she’s being petty about it and won’t just side with her.


Well if you are underage in the video and it’s got nudity in it she could well be done for child pornography…… she is bluffing.

If you were under 18 she’s holding on to child porn and can be arrested and charged.

She can’t keep the kitchen d because of something like that but if she does post it she can catch three charges. One child pornography cuz u was still in high school second charge is something to do with ruining ur character and the third charge is harassment and the fourth is then it’s another charge having to do with putting child porn on the web. Cuz if it’s when u was in highschool ur still a minor so there fore it’s still child pornography

It’s a scare tactic. I went through this exact thing except it was text messages and recorded conversations. She brought them into the friend of court to try to keep their daughter away from me (I have 5 kids of my own that I raise alone) and they laughed at her. Past indiscretions and things like that can not be factored in. In Michigan at least. They told her that when it’s his time with their daughter, he decides who can be around and basically told her to get over herself. The daughter is now 5.5 yo and is having major behavioral problems and I swear it’s because of the shit her mom pulled. Makes me sick but keep doing what you’re doing, I don’t believe anything from years ago when you were a child can be used against you

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Kid is what I meant not kitchen

If it’s sexually inappropriate sounds like she has unsolicited underage pornographic material. And even if it isn’t blackmail is still illegal. But he does need to get a custody agreement started with the court.


She is an idiot. No one cares what she pulls out of her bag of tricks. I’ve been with my man for 5 years. I came with 2 sons and he came with 3 daughters. His ex wife has gone as far as accusing my at the time 9 year old of molesting her daughter. She has called child protective services month after month for the first few years. She has tried fighting my kids old grandma who is blind. She twists and manipulates everything she possibly can. In the beginning it would infuriate me everytime she said I’ll see you in court, but then I remembered I saved every text, voicemail and encounter. When the police showed up regarding her molestation accusations I went down to the station with all that I had and they knew she was lying cause of all the evidence of her anger and lies. It finally stopped when she tried arguing from her car in my driveway. She was on my property so I went up to her door and encouraged her to get out and say it louder for the ones in the back. She doesn’t come around anymore and stopped her shit for the most part. Plus it helps that 2 out of 3 daughters are adults on their own. If you’re still reading, FUCK THAT BITCH! Live your best life.

  1. go after her for blackmail
  2. were you underage in this video? If so, she could face prison time for child pornography.

No she means She is the mom at their house. She does the “mom” job while the child is with them. That baby momma needs to back off and you guys need a court order. The egg donor I deal with is a horrible person, and it shows in her son. Took some time,cousling, patience, but it’s getting better


She can’t do shit, but you can have her charged for even attempting to use it.

1: if you were underage that’s actually called child P°rńögraphy and is a criminal offence.
2: revenge pórñ is a criminal offence
3: blackmail is a criminal offence.

ALL jail able offences.
Go to the police with evidence of what she has said to back you up

Ol girl can’t do shit but make herself look bad. Let her try.

You go to the police bc she either has an underage video which is considered child porn OR she’s trying revenge porn which may or may not be legal to n your state. You guys need to document everything and get a lawyer bc until you go through the courts she can withhold all she likes. And no your personal video from a long time ago isn’t going to matter. Unless your lawyer wants to use her threatening the child’s fathers time with it. She’s going to have a hard time answering a judge on that one.

She absolutely can not. A judge will not tell anyone they can’t be around a child unless they are harming the child which sounds like the only one harming the child is the bitter ass baby momma. A judge will laugh in her face. That’s blackmail and is very much illegal

If she goes to court with a video of you from high school it can only help you. The judge is going to see she’s being petty and won’t give her the time of day. She would need proof that you are a danger to her child, which can’t be proven from a high school video. The lower she stoops, the better you guys will look. Stay mature. Done even fight back when she goes low, just ignore her. If she is looking for a reason to keep the child from you guys it won’t stop here. She will find new ways! It doesn’t sound like co-parenting can be accomplished without a court order. For everyone’s sanity, go file for custody!

If she has a video of u when u was a minor then she is admitting to having inappropriate videos of a minor so she can get in trouble for it

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She’s a jealous nut job. If he doesn’t get an agreement that’s legal she may keep her. Get a calendar and start tracking your time with her as far back as you can! A judge may give him 50/50 still since he’s already had it

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I’d expose her with new videos lol jk. Kinda.

That’s blackmail.
Exposing private photos/videos are illegal
… high-school? Are you under age in these videos too?! Awkward for her.

I’d call the police NOW because you win. Point blank… sorry ma’am we don’t play games with kids!


Don’t think you should refer to yourself as “the mum” but if it’s a sexual vid it will not go in her favour as it’s really illegal porn she will be pushing out and can be seen as revenge porn. Get a lawyer and advice.

She is trying to use a scare tactic because she has nothing left to stand on and pretty much blackmail to get what she wants. No court is going to look at a video from when you were 15 years old and it hold up in court. She is just trying to scare you guys that’s all. Doesn’t matter what state you are in father’s have rights also. She is just petty and salty because he has moved on . If I were you I’d keep everything documented what you have to go through at drop off and pick up during parenting time at your house. The courts don’t have time for he said she said as they listen to it all day. Keep text messages and anything that affects parenting time court wants current proof

If it was from high school you’re a minor…. You can turn that around on her for her having child pornography…… talk to a lawyer I wouldn’t ask this type of stuff on fb but realistically no I don’t think she can do much with that video.

Not sure on video part I would think not but you never know these days
I would get it in the family court and get his rights going and then get visitation down or fight for joint custody or full
But just get it going I would have an attorney one that’s not afraid to get down and dirty

Tell her to do it. That’s distribution of child pornography. You were a child then by law. That would solve your problem in a heartbeat. :rofl::rofl::rofl: Unless you were 18. But even then, they wouldn’t do anything if your partner at the time was 16-18 depending on your states laws regarding minor consent.

He at least for now needs to file temporary custody until hearing

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i will agree if you were a minor at the time this video was done, ( I say under 16 yrs old) that shouldn’t matter & if you agreed to having this video done, well that was up to you, You say HS, but anything really over 16 or 17 can be considered a adult, Again, if you did this video yourself or you allowed this video to be done, then that is on you, I would speak to a lawyer,

Contact the police ASAP do not take into consideration the child at this point she’s putting you at risk

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I’m a step mom my self let me tell you I deal with a real b myself the best advice I can give you is this. Document everything. Screen shot all messages and tape all the conversation. We bought tons of stuff never came back to our house . She hated me and I felt the same . I try at first to get along because that was what was best but impossible she made it that way. We had to go to the school has for all the paperwork to be sent to us so we knew what was going on she refused to tell us anything so we did everything separately from her. On our weekends they had sports we took them she’d show up to watch them try to control the situation we had to say not your parent time it’s ours . On her weekend we go games sit say nothing other then good job buddy good game we love you see you next week. It’s was awful so I feel for you you definitely need to get into the friend of the court start paperwork to get something going drawn up And we weren’t married at first either but after 2 yrs we got married she got really petty because my husband was required to carry insurance on the kids I had great insurance I work for a college so we had them on mine she won’t use it so we said don’t give us any doctors bills then after you use insurance we will pd our portion never used it would not let them go to college for free under me they all could have so I get it get in to a lawyer and friend of court start the process before she does because this way he will have a better chance at getting things he wants

I mean. I’d just call the tip line and say she’s got child porn :woman_shrugging:t3: