I feel like I’m being gaslighted in my marriage. We don’t date, I never hear “I love you” so I even rarely say it. He’s able to talk to his baby momma anytime he wants and there’s been more conversation between them lately. He told me the other day he thinks about divorce often but never has a straightforward reason behind it. Always just says it’s me and my behavior and I’m going through so much he doesn’t know about. We don’t talk unless it’s texting through his work day and even then it’s short and his baby momma talks to him more often. We usually fight through texts during his work because that’s where he can look at his buds and say I’m the crazy one or the horrible person in the relationship. We had a split for a few where he trashed me to everyone including family (didn’t know it until after we married) then asked me to marry him a few months later. To this day he will tell me now and then I’m his best friend and he’d be nothing without me, but I feel he’s just saying that. I feel like roommates not a married happy couple. I brought that up to him and he pointed at the door and said don’t let it hit you in the ass on your way out, have a nice life. He calls me a b**** and a C*** VERY OFTEN & I found his old testosterone treatment I didn’t know he still had and when I confronted him on it he blew up after acting like he didn’t even know it existed. Chased me through the house when I wouldn’t hand it to him on the spot and right in front of the kids tried to rip it out of my pocket. Again threatened me with divorce and a few hours later he said I’m the love of his life and I seem to find the things that piss him off and do them out of spite and essentially our horrible marriage is my fault. My kids have come to me asking why he hates us and I have no words but I try to assure them that he doesn’t. He’s been using estrogen blockers for some reason and I can always tell when he’s taking some sort of supplement because the behavior is fine until it isn’t and we become targets. Leave? Stay? Open to all opinions and comments no matter how hard they are to hear.
Honestly I would leave. I feel like he’s just saying the nice things to make you stay when in reality he could care less. Actions are way louder then words. I always give people the same advice about leaving but it’s like… why waste your life being miserable? I’m sure you don’t want the rest of your life to be like this… so if you aren’t happy then change it. Get a job, maybe even working nights so the kids will be at school during the day while you sleep, once you start working and save up, get your own place…most apartments have their own fitness center so you won’t even need a gym. You can do it, I’m sure you’ll be a lot more happy & less stressed if it were just you and your kids.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My marriage is broken, what should I do?
He treats you and your kids like complete crap. That’s enough for you to realize he ain’t $#!+. Leave and never look back!
Honey, ppl treat you how you allow.
Stop allowing it.
It’s time to get a job and go.
His violent child needs therapy bc he’s angry at the world and doesn’t know how to speak about it. Until dad helps him… Everybody could truly be in danger.
Sadly, it’s time to go.
Your children will look for what they know. If you don’t want them in your situation later, teach them it’s ok too love yourself enough to leave.
Take your kids and get the hell out! Period! You are allowing the behavior and you can stop it.
I can’t read all this. It hurts. Man.
Praying for you.
Your kids deserve better
Why is this even a question?? The very first time your kids said “why does he hate us” you should have been packing and went right out the door. I know it’s not always easy to leave but girl you deserve SO much better! He will realize what he’s missing out on once it’s gone
If you won’t leave for you. You need to leave for your kids
Why THE FUCK would you put your kids through that??
Is he taking steroids? he sounds bi-polar the way he acts. I think you already know the answer. Go find your happy hun
Don’t put up with this. You and your kids deserve better
Girl it’s time to go. When he says things like there is the door. That’s your queue to leave.
Why would you want to stay!!!
Run and don’t look back.
This was so long. I could not read it all. Take care of your kids
He sounds narcissistic and you need to run far far away
Start building yourself up. Get a job, start going for walks, save your money and gtfo as soon as you can. You can be alone and happy, or find someone that is deserving of you and treats you as such! Make a plan mama and set your mind to it! Let him go on tic toc and be an unsupportive ex husband!
Get the fuck out. Your kids and you mental health is more important than putting up with a man like that. He’s obviously unhappy and just trying to get you to break it off so he can blame you. It took me 13yrs to get the courage to leave my marriage like that and my kids suffered from it. My oldest daughter has ptsd and has been 5150 before because of her issues and my other kid has anger issues and anxiety. Please get out it’s not worth your or your kids mental health
It’s your life and your going to choose what you want. I’m
So sorry your going through that no one wants to feel less than . Sahm’s is a very hard job and most don’t realize it until they are there all day . I don’t know if you have the means to get out and get a place or maybe even friend or family. But maybe being apart will help you make the decision. I feel like you already know the answer but deep down you all use to have a love there. I wish you the best of luck hun
In exhausted reading this. I can’t imagine how exhausted you must be.
You know the answer. Get out. You and your kids deserve better. Go to a shelter if you have to. Hire an attorney. Get custody of your kids. Build a life.
I read up to the part where he says he doesn’t care if you or the kids are there. So there is your answer. Leave, he doesn’t care if you stay anyways so why are still there.
Girl what?! You need to leave ASAP! You and especially your kids don’t deserve to live that life! It’s toxic and abusive!
Not only do you deserve better buy your kids especially deserve better!
Definitely red flags let him go
Kick him to the curb
He’s a Narcissist! Run girl …seriously, just go, take your babies and don’t look back! Good luck
Make a plan open an account only in your name start saving up money doing what you need to do to make yourself feel good and when the time is right take your kids and get the hell out of there because there’s millions Of men on this Earth that wouldn’t treat you like dog shit I’m so sorry he treats you that way Nobody deserves to get treated that way
Leave. You deserve to be loved and cherished! Your kids deserve better as well.
He’s abusive. R U N.
Think of it this way, would you want your daughter in the type of relationship being treated that way? Would you want your son’s to grow up treating woman that way? By you staying you are showing them it’s ok either way . I was given this advice in a bad violent relationship n that’s what made me leave stay strong make a plan in private for you n your kids may take week may take a yr just get out now it only gets worse baby n you n the kids deserve luv n kindness they deserve to see u in a healthy happy relationship, it’s up to u to teach them that his behavior is not healthy or normal
I would leave. If not for yourself, think about your kids. Good luck.
LEAVE! NOW! Honey, a man got only once to tell me he don’t want me.
If all this crap is happening, then let his sorry p.o.s. go!
It is already over , leave for you and those kids. What is meant to be will be and start putting your plus kids needs first, that is not love and don’t waste more of your time on someone unappreciated, there’s soMe one out there that will treasure you. Best wishes
This is ridiculous. Dump him, wtf? Its detrimental to those kids, they shouldn’t be fucking asking you why theyre hated by someone who is supposed to love them. Fucking yikes.
Roid rage is not compatible with family life, you need to protect you and your children at all costs, even holding up a cardboard sign on freeway off ramps is a preferable childhood to the one he’s giving them, childhood emotional abuse = adulthood dysfunction, get them out
You and your children deserve better… leave, don’t turn back.
I don’t see any benefit to staying personally and you’re showing your kids this is acceptable behavior in a relationship by staying.
I’m just not sure what is even to question about leaving after your kids came to you asking why he hates them… No judgement, I’m just truly baffled. Imagine how your kids must be feeling every single day to cause them to even think that. If you won’t leave for you, which doesn’t seem like you will, at least leave for your kids. They deserve better.
If you don’t want to leave for yourself, then do it for your kids. All of you deserve better than to be with someone that constantly puts them down while simultaneously being a great deal of the reason for complaint. He’s a grade A jerk. Let him go.
Do you still want to be with him?
Yeah not only is he not in love with you he’s 99.9 percent cheating been their same exact position run
Run for it love… reminds me of me and my sons dad like WOW! The arguments we would have through text would be the most conversation haha, and as for his child’s mother he has to keep up communication because it has to do with his child… if you feel disrespected by him which in all honesty I think you are, you need to ask him and tell him to be honest with you, make sure you know when he lies because I knew straight away when my ex lied to my face when I asked him to be serious with me. I never got “ I love you” from my ex either, honestly I think whatever happens will happen, if you get a divorce you weren’t meant to be with him and if you don’t then you are meant to stay together. Your behaviour has nothing to do with it he is a narcissist who will make you think everything and anything is your fault, don’t believe the bullsh*t. Your absolutely right he is just saying what you want to hear my ex did the same crap, and the truth is you will thrive without him, he’s verbally abusive, mentally and emotionally abusive exactly what I got
Get cameras in your house hide them record his abusive behavior towards you and the kids take that shit down to the women shelter where you file for divorce with full custody a protection order and child support say good bye also they can help with the details like housing ect
Should of split long ago
Love yourself and your children enough to get out of this horrific relationship
Don’t stay, I’m laying my husband to rest Saturday. I’ve lived through some of what you’re saying. NEVER, AGAIN his daughter is the same way you explained his kids are. And he let her get by. She’s ruining his funeral, so she in the spoylight.but you know what…??? Who cares. It’s almost over…
You on the other hand have small kids, and still in it…GET OUT… trust me he’s not worth it
Just leave you deserve better
It’s not easy but make a plan…start saving…if you can stay with family/friends do so… everyone is quick to say leave…do it at your pace but try your best to do it soon…it won’t get better for you and your children.
I think you already know the answer… You need to RUN, and fast. He is verbally abusive to you and your children and clearly doesn’t love you. You don’t treat someone you love like that, EVER! Shame on him for treating you that way. You deserve SO much better. Leave and don’t look back…
I think you need to talk to someone professional…. because this sounds unstable, unhealthy, and toxic to the extreme. There are so many things to say, but I feel like you’re wasting away your time being with someone who is so wrong for you and truly missing out on things that would make you happy. I mean…. Seriously…. Why would you stay? What would literally be your reasons?
Run for the hills that’s no way for anyone to live
Leave. You and kids deserve a life not a narcissist
Easy peasy, walk out shut the door and never go back! U will be soooo much happier
Please leave that’s awful all the way around. Not healthy for you or your kids.
Time to leave and accept that it’s over for life
Man, the layers to this . You all have so much on your plate, I don’t wanna be in that marriage. It’s a lot being a functional family. We fought today about when my kid pooped last . But if someone says go, I go. That’s clearly a response. If your emotions are that unstable to where instinctively you react to leave or suggest leaving, it’s unhealthy and codependent. Especially with kids involved. You have to maintain the trust that is earned. I was super quick to be the “leave then” or “I’m leaving” person. I was the unhealthy adult in the scenario. So I speak this on the bad guy side experience. That was my first marriage. Eventually he called my bluff and left. We have 2 kids. It scared me so bad I ended up in counseling. 9 years later, we successfully co-parent between 3 households. If you really want your life to change, you have to be the first one to change. And your husband isn’t being very husbandly. He’s a low grade bad boyfriend with excess baggage. Hope you find your peace
Leave him ASAP. He is very abusive verbally and emotionally and it could get physical as well. I know it’s hard but if you have family you can lean on do it. This is NOT an environment for children at all. Good luck!
If you arent happy leave .fark that .youve been too strong for too long.
Once your children started getting bullied or picked on by his son and he did nothing that should have been your que, now they feel unloved and unwanted that should be reason enough to leave ASAP. The worst thing you can do is ignore and tolerate bad behavior from not only him but son. It’s time you focus on you and your children. Leave ASAP
He is 100% gaslighting you. This behavior is not okay and even though you love him, by staying, ultimately you are exposing your children to a toxic environment. Your children are right: He couldn’t care less about any of you. You all deserve so much more than that. He doesn’t seem like he is willing to change and that should be your cue to leave. It sounds like him and his baby momma might be cheating behind your back. Either way, don’t stay to find out. It always starts off small and gets worse. Eventually, he could get physical. You are being abused already.
The longer u stay the more damage being done. Get u and those babies out while he’s at work
I think I legit just had an aneurysm reading this.
Just leave. Y’all are so unstable that you’re making me feel unstable. you’re putting your kids through too much drama and stress.
Definitely stay. He sounds so amazing and stable. What a lovely person he is.
I’m stuck on there’s the door…then walk out it and don’t look back!
This is clearly affecting your kids!!! That is 100% reason to leave!
Look up narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse syndrome and run!
You know it yourself just leave and let him raise his own kids
He’s juicing. Roid rage and a shriveled dick.
I mean…u know u need to leave…but you won’t.
Hun, you already know the answer
He’s using pills to boost his energy. And other things. Nope. Why? Why would he do this? Write all this down. How you feel. Ask questions on the paper as well. It may help put everything in perspective.
Sounds like mental abuse. If it were me. I’d go. Your children are scared and confused. They deserve better than physical abuse from siblings and a father (?) Who doesn’t give a shi* for them. If your confused. Just forget about you and save them. …leave. His treatment of them will affect them the rest of their lives.
i got half way through it and i’m dizzy from shaking my head!
had to stop to rebalance my self.
are u really even questioning this, sounds like hell your living to be honest i don’t know how ur still there. go now , have a good life. rid of him and his shit kids attitude ! move forward
Please leave this ass
I was engaged to a guy similar to this, just not as bad… best thing I did was find a job and leave
Okai i only read half of it and girlll leaveeee!!! It will just get worse.
This isn’t even a question.
The moment a man even spoke to me wrong in front of my child never mind allowed his kids to be asshole to mine. I’d be showing my self the door.
Ain’t no fucking way, girl wtf. We’re in the business of setting examples for our babies.
So think long and hard about what your allowing them to be exposed too. Long and hard on your way out the damn toxic ass door.
The fuck. No baby girl. Just fucking no.
Out you go on your way to better days.
“I love you”
My ass that house is your prison.
I suggest you reread what you wrote and if you decide to stay after reading then you like to be verbally abused… He does not deserve you and you need to realize no one that lives you would treat you the way he has… And now your children feels the same neglect… It maybe to time to move on and enjoy life, because clearly you are not happy
LEAVE ! … no-one deserves to treated or spoken to in this way!
Classic narcissist behavior and you don’t have to put up with it. My ex-husband to a “T” except he used to slap his kids around and tried to smother my toddler with a pillow. As soon as I found that out, I left him with zero contact. The last time I saw him was in court when I divorced him. He sounds like he gaslights you quite often and no matter what he says, you deserve better. Get the job you want because he’ll never allow it as you will have the means to support yourself without him. Don’t let him steal any moment of happiness from you and move on, sweetheart! You don’t need him whatsoever!
I mean if your kids feel hated by your husband, that’s a pretty big sign to leave
Counseling for yourself
If we could be a little nicer to her sheesh…
Some people can’t just leave ASAP…
Leave. This is not a marriage. Go get yourself a job, take your kids and start a new and better life. He does not deserve you. Wishing you all the very best
I only read half way my god woman why are you with this person (not a man) sounds like you deserve better and guess what you will find better if you actually went and looked leave that nasty arsehole behind ya
It’s called Roid Rage for a reason. My ex husband was exactly like this they are dangerous people leave and run far away
Surely you wouldn’t like it if you’re kids were in a relationship like this. They should see their Mum happy and being treated properly. Leave now not just for yourself but for your kids also. It will be hard at the beginning but trust me it will be worth it in the end. YOU DESERVE BETTER
You know what to do. He has both feet out the door. Just slam it shut.
Pack up Hun, time to get your kids out of there. Divorce for sure. You’ll be happier
Pretend that’s your best friend telling you all that stuff her husband is doing. You would tell her to leave.
Get a babysitter for your kids, get a job, go to work and divorce his butt…you can do this!!
By staying, you are demonstrating to your children how to be treated. Ask yourself, is this what you want you children to seek out in a relationship when their time comes? Because as sure as the sun is hot, THIS is what they will look for in a partner if you continue this way. Make a plan, get your ducks in a row, and leave with your kids as soon as is humanly possible. Trust me (I have been there), you will be better off and so will your children.
211 has great resources, record everything, set money aside in your own account.
Sounds like he is on roids. U need to leave and stop getting treated like a door mat
Damn can’t believe I really read all of that.
Leave. Sound destructive and toxic and tbh it sounds exactly what u don’t need. U all deserve a better living environment x
Hun your kid don’t even feel liked by this man, I think you need to put your big woman boots on tell that arsewipe that, that divorce he keeps going on about he should start filing it, and you stand tall and walk out that door, don’t be this dick knuckles door mat, your kids and yourself deserve better 100% .
Is this really the kind of relationship you want your kids to grow up thinking is normal and okay. Because they will emulate the primary relationship the see and experience as children in their own adult relationships. The fact they feel hated by him should be your only point of concern. Kids wellbeing comes first, always
You probably won’t like this, but you are in a Domestic Abuse relationship. Everything you have said about the elements of control, the emotional abuse, the verbal abuse, the threats. You haven’t mentioned it but I’d lay bets that there is financial control there too. Do you have free access to money? Your own safety net fund?